'sir, i lost my husband recently. I am suffering a lot. Many tell many things. I am confused. What should i do?'

Dear all...all of us meet challenges in life...some of them are beyond our resources and experiences in life at that particular age and stage in life...

some of the major challenges are losing one or both parents during childhood, losing spouse, losing job, losing vital parts of the body in an accident, losing functionalities of body or mind or appearance beyond recognition, losing job, losing major wealth/money, major life event like natural calamities that affected our mind etc.

Here we will see a young lady who has lost her husband…the first and foremost is her parents should have groomed her to be independent in all aspects including body needs right from her childhood…THIS IS THE MOST IMPORTANT ELEMENT OF GROOMING CHILDREN FOR FUTURE…FOR ALL TYPES OF UNKNOWN EVENTUALITIES IN LIFE…to get a strong mind to bounce back with high resilience in life…

So, the most essential ingredient of grooming is to ensure, independence, decision making skills, high adaptability, life style that ensures less body and emotional needs and high mind needs/traits related to sixth sense, arts, passion, resilience, spirituality etc.

The effect of losing a spouse depends upon the extent of her dependence on her husband for needs and wants (physical, mental, social, legal, financial etc) and attachment. If she is groomed independent then the resilience process is easy and simple. If not, then a problem.

The best life situation is that she comes out of the issue on her own, and brings out the children too, with out any support from any one. If she seeks help and support then it should be from unconditional sources. If people supporting her for all her needs listed above are conditional, then it will complicate her life. So, even if it is hard, it is better she swims her life and come out of it physically, financially and emotionally on her own.

It is certainly not a wise decision to go for marriage or any type of emotional relationship during the process of coming out, as this is a transient phase and her mind will not be in a state of taking the right decision based on reality and practicality. People might say 'go by what your heart says'. But going by the heart during this unstable period with unstable mind will only lead to complications in life.

Some of them suffer loss of sleep, lack of interest in anything, mood to do any activity, suffer from mind related illnesses like depression etc. In cases where the issue is not severe they will be able to come out of it with the unconditional support of relatives and friends. In severe cases it will require both medication and counseling.

Any major decision in life should be taken by only the lady on her own free will after she fully recovers from the shock, starts living on her own normally without any problem.

The future way of living for the present children will have lots of uncertainties and challenges with respect to living, support of spouse for self and child-grooming, stability of job and place, security of self-children-assets etc. So, therefore, the process of grooming should have ingredients related to high resilience building.

peacefully yours....rams