hai all...specially the children...this is for you...
all children have issues with their parents...many a times they feel 'woff! these oldies live still 30 years back! They can never understand the present! I am fed up yaar!'...this is true always...
in a house containing people of 20, 40, 60 and 80 years, each one will say he is right...they will look different directions on every issue on discussion at home...as every 5 to 8 years there is marked noticeable change in the society...though the change is continuous...but human beings generally want to live in that cozy old traditions with rigidity in thinking, behaviours with welded skulls...in the past it was possible...but now and in future it is not possible to live like that...we have to be with the present, or else we will be outdated and isolated at office, home and in society.
there is nothing like 'this is right and this is wrong'...right and wrong keeps changing and different for different people at different natural and social settings!
now how to get the parents in our loop??????????????
you need to have lots of patience...the issue may be related to any damn thing under the sky like parties, dressing, going out, selecting college, course, life mate...list is endless!
no parent would think bad for his or her child. They evaluate the factors around and decide this is what is right for the child.
But it may not be. It is possible that they have explored only limited oppurtunities. It is possible that their brains are closed. It is possible that what they think as right may be wrong. They may be accepting that this is the best and only possible solution, whereas there may be many. If they consult the right person, right counselor for the issue, they might get some more better ideas.
they also think that the children are born later than them...have less exposure...and therefore they may not come up with the right solution or they knew the safe and right method of living...
this is the problem...
the best way is parents and children should sit and discuss...not once...but many more sittings with new horizons or methods or solutions etc...for many life issues finding solution in just one sitting is not possible...not argue...i.e keeping the issue as the center of focus and not the people...i.e i am right you are wrong etc...also 'i am the elder and therefore you must listen to me!' etc...person should not be in the center...who says is not important but what is said is more important...
when we sit and discuss many time we will know much more indepth dimentions of the issue...both the parties will get more clarity...but no one should plan strategy to make the other person to accept under compulsion...i.e without any way out...both the parties should come to an agreement out of their own decision, will, both logically and emotionally...then only the actions that we take after the decision will last life long...or else it will break one day...also that will lead to enduring and much more strengthened relationship than it was earlier between the parties or parents-children...
we can also involve the counselor or an expert on the subject of discussion or an expert who is good in conflict resolution or relationships or therapy during the discussions, from the beginning or in between.
the point is that....
1. both the parties should sit with totally open mind
2. they should not plan strategies to convince the other person to go their way (like we see in tv serials or the way we every day do at home, office, society for all issues..'how to topple this guy!')
3. they should be ready to explore creative new possibilities
4. there should not be any personal agenda of the parents in front
5. parents need to understand that they are outdated and they need to read a lot, be updated, current on life and social issues, discuss, listen to others, keep a open watch on what is happening outside, not think about 'their environment of living and life' and think about the 'environment of the child where she works and lives and will work and live in future'.
Cultures are not set or defined or formed inside four walls!!!!...it is formed in the society outside!!!...nothing wrong in exploring the new and taking the good ones...that will give HAPPINESS, GOOD PHYSICAL, MENTAL AND SOCIAL HEALTH, PEACE AND SUCCESS IN A NOBLE WAY.
Most of the things we follow in our culture are wrong and does not lead to the above bold letters. If you do the opposite, you will find you get these.
keep rocking and cheers!
rams-psychologist and sociologist
all children have issues with their parents...many a times they feel 'woff! these oldies live still 30 years back! They can never understand the present! I am fed up yaar!'...this is true always...
in a house containing people of 20, 40, 60 and 80 years, each one will say he is right...they will look different directions on every issue on discussion at home...as every 5 to 8 years there is marked noticeable change in the society...though the change is continuous...but human beings generally want to live in that cozy old traditions with rigidity in thinking, behaviours with welded skulls...in the past it was possible...but now and in future it is not possible to live like that...we have to be with the present, or else we will be outdated and isolated at office, home and in society.
there is nothing like 'this is right and this is wrong'...right and wrong keeps changing and different for different people at different natural and social settings!
now how to get the parents in our loop??????????????
you need to have lots of patience...the issue may be related to any damn thing under the sky like parties, dressing, going out, selecting college, course, life mate...list is endless!
no parent would think bad for his or her child. They evaluate the factors around and decide this is what is right for the child.
But it may not be. It is possible that they have explored only limited oppurtunities. It is possible that their brains are closed. It is possible that what they think as right may be wrong. They may be accepting that this is the best and only possible solution, whereas there may be many. If they consult the right person, right counselor for the issue, they might get some more better ideas.
they also think that the children are born later than them...have less exposure...and therefore they may not come up with the right solution or they knew the safe and right method of living...
this is the problem...
the best way is parents and children should sit and discuss...not once...but many more sittings with new horizons or methods or solutions etc...for many life issues finding solution in just one sitting is not possible...not argue...i.e keeping the issue as the center of focus and not the people...i.e i am right you are wrong etc...also 'i am the elder and therefore you must listen to me!' etc...person should not be in the center...who says is not important but what is said is more important...
when we sit and discuss many time we will know much more indepth dimentions of the issue...both the parties will get more clarity...but no one should plan strategy to make the other person to accept under compulsion...i.e without any way out...both the parties should come to an agreement out of their own decision, will, both logically and emotionally...then only the actions that we take after the decision will last life long...or else it will break one day...also that will lead to enduring and much more strengthened relationship than it was earlier between the parties or parents-children...
we can also involve the counselor or an expert on the subject of discussion or an expert who is good in conflict resolution or relationships or therapy during the discussions, from the beginning or in between.
the point is that....
1. both the parties should sit with totally open mind
2. they should not plan strategies to convince the other person to go their way (like we see in tv serials or the way we every day do at home, office, society for all issues..'how to topple this guy!')
3. they should be ready to explore creative new possibilities
4. there should not be any personal agenda of the parents in front
5. parents need to understand that they are outdated and they need to read a lot, be updated, current on life and social issues, discuss, listen to others, keep a open watch on what is happening outside, not think about 'their environment of living and life' and think about the 'environment of the child where she works and lives and will work and live in future'.
Cultures are not set or defined or formed inside four walls!!!!...it is formed in the society outside!!!...nothing wrong in exploring the new and taking the good ones...that will give HAPPINESS, GOOD PHYSICAL, MENTAL AND SOCIAL HEALTH, PEACE AND SUCCESS IN A NOBLE WAY.
Most of the things we follow in our culture are wrong and does not lead to the above bold letters. If you do the opposite, you will find you get these.
keep rocking and cheers!
rams-psychologist and sociologist
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