Dear all...today's theories on RELATIONSHIPS...not given in any book...no where you can find this...just the flow of thoughts, just now!!
1. when two people are in a relationship we know that each one has his/her needs in play openly or subtly. Subconsciously or consciously they are driven, get attracted, for fulfillment of needs. But later when they realise that the other person is unable to or can not full fill the needs because of various reasons, they get frustrated and start abusing that person. If they are lovers then they break-up. If they are married, then either they divorce or patch up with the help of the family and relatives, accepting the reality. More in depth on this later!! (otherwise this itself has the potential to become one full long post!!)
Is it not wiser to ask explicitly, face to face 'i need these things from you. I expect these things from you. Can you give me?...How long you can give me and under what conditions?'. The other person may not be able to answer instantaneously. Might ask for some time. Manipulations possible. At least we have conveyed what we want and what we expect!
If we are into a devotee relationship, then nothing matters!!...the other person need not know also that there is such a relationship!!...so, no one gets affected and we always achieve those five things in life!!
2. In any relationship both have their set of needs, and one who has less needs will control the relationship!!...He or she will have the entire control-stick and the other person who has more needs will dance to the tunes of the 'less-need' person. If not able to dance then he or she will break-up and go off!! As rarely it is possible that both have same levels, type and variety in needs all the time, the control of any relationship will always be with ONE PERSON only!!
3. Needs could be that of body or mind or heart or soul...name anything!!...similarly relationship also could be at body or mind or soul or heart or any level...name anything!!...break-ups also could be at all these levels and layers to different depths!!...Break-ups could be sudden, conscious, slow, steady, subconscious etc.
4. Needs vary from time to time in a day, from birth to death, climate, surroundings, social climate...'n' number of reasons!!
5. Needs vary from person to person!
6. People perceive single or different relationships with the same person at different times with their changing need states!!...One need can go low and another one can flash up. One need can vanish and another one can crop up. And needs of body, mind, soul or heart...name anything...are all different!!
7. So, needs change. People change. Relationships change. Two people in a relationship can perceive different relationships with the same person as the attraction or like or love matures or traverses different states and stages.
8. If the relationships perceived are not conducive for need satiation, then the relationship will break after the realization that the need satisfaction can not take place!!
Can you see the complexity!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
This is not all!!...More to come!!
But still all of us are alive, socialise with many, form relationships with many people...and life goes on!!
Don't we all deserve a Nobel Prize for still being alive in relationships, finding peace, happiness, pleasure etc amongst each other???
more later...
Now having read this, having read and reading my posts on relationships...
will you ever ask your spouse or lover the following questions...
1. 'Do you love me?'
2. 'How much you love me?'
3. 'Do you miss me?'
4. 'You have changed a lot yaar!! Shit, i never expected this!!...you have cheated me!!'
5. 'I wish i had known these things earlier about you!!'
6. 'what a bloody blunder i have made of marrying you!!'
7. 'What a bloody sin i have committed to my soul by being in a relationship with you!'
8.'Shit yaar! I thought you are in love with me!...all your words, emotions, behaviours made me to perceive that you love me!!...what a big foool i am!!'
9. 'I feel like fainting to hear your words that you don't love me and you are just a friend!!...I feel heavens falling!!...Earth under my feet pulling me inside!!'
10. 'woffffffffffffffffffffffffff!! it is my mistake that i presumed and assumed too many things about you and this relationship!!...I feel really fucked!!'
11. 'whavvvvvvvvvvv!! what a lesson i have learnt in being with you!!...Great lesson!!...No university can teach on this earth!!....so many lessons in such a short time from just one person!!...thanks a lot baby!!'
will you ask?
the aim of these posts is to understand the dynamics so that we don't land up in any of the above situations!!
Peacefully yours...rams!!...health psychologist!!
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