how innocently we land up with tight situations in relationships!!

Dear all…THIS POST IS FOR ALL...we are born…we play with our parents, siblings and grand parents at home till 3…then go to play school…play with other babies and enjoy…go to KG school…read and write with other children and learn…start making friends…get started with the threads of socialisation…go to Primary school…sing, dance and play too…start making friends…go to High school…start observing friends and understand friendships…we get started with learning about socialisation…

Go to Higher secondary and college…jump inside the ocean of attractions, talents, skills, myriads of personality traits, beautiful people, love and affection, great friendships….wofffffffffffffff….there are sooooo many soooo good….

All those children with ‘sharukh khan characters’ type bubbly bubbly with full of positive energies, intelligence, skills/talents and good care and loving type of personality traits like Mother Teresa are sure to conquer many hearts!!!....

they will attract many students of same and opposite sexes towards them…all teachers and students will like them…some students might like to spend their entire day and night times with them if they are hostellers…because they give academic help, emotional support, treat every one equally and give respect, appreciate positives of people, they help correcting the deficiencies of people, students will feel a sort of happiness and peace while being in their social envelope…they don’t want to leave them (e.g remember that sharukh and kajol school friendship in the movie ‘Kuch Kuch Hota Hai’)…
Such people will sweep off the hearts of anyone and every one who come in front of them like a tornado…Can we tell ourselves or our children not to come in contact with such people?...can we pray to god that we should never come across such people in our life ever?...Then whom shall we have friendships with?...cheats and exploiters?...those who do not know the value of people and relationships?...in-humans and wild animal like people?...Can we or our children live with out any kind of socialisation or good friendships in life?...If the answer is ‘NO’ then whom to have as friends in life?...Is it ok if we or our children have a stranger as life mate and these people as friends?...what will happen in this triangle if that stranger fails to make a good friendship and a great relationship with the spouse?

some students feel sad, lose their self esteem, all the hope, motivation, happiness and peace, moment a situation arises in their life that they have to get separated from such friends, due to school change, transfer of parents, completion of course etc…that is the time they realise about how one is important in the other’s life…they realise about their relationship with the other person…

This is not gender specific and so we can have both boys and girls of this great character!!

There is absolutely nothing wrong in having friendships with such beautiful souls!!...Their parents need to be given a big shabash for grooming such kids to be like that!!...In fact we should recommend to our children to have friendships with such children. Is it not? Or you will recommend your child to be in friendship with some one moody, selfish, cheating and exploiting etc?

Now, if a student gets attracted to multiple such students or when such students get multiple proposals from many then how to handle the situation?

1. It is easy to say ‘sorry, the family can not be stagnant at one place for them…father or mother will get transferred or some other life situation will warrant change of place…so for the relationship between these two, the family can not suffer!’…We know that even the adults face such situations difficult to separate from good friends…so, we need to understand that the children suffer more in these type of separations…It certainly affects the emotional development of the child visibly or subtly…positively or negatively…its effect may be seen in the performance in chores/tasks, education, performance at job or behaviours or thinking or emotions….

2. Or the parent can say….‘Nothing can be done! They have to just choose only one!’.

But is it an easy task in reality?...Is it possible to say ‘others are no more friends!’?...Is it possible to cut off such gem like friendships with others once you select only one and marry?...Is it possible to forget them?...Is it possible to erase or delete the memories, togetherness, the life lines they gave when we were drowning in difficult situations in life?...How long they can remain mentally or physically or interactively separated in this era of free and abundant methods of communication?....

If they continue their beautiful friendships after marriage, will his or her spouse like it?...Will not POSSESSIVENESS throw it’s axe?...What happens if that gem person is common and most important friend for both of them and both of them cannot afford to lose that relationship?...And what happens if there is a physical connectivity need also between them?

Are adolescents capable of handling these situations to take decisions?...Or they will be able to take decisions only during their early adult hood, by which time, they would have already lost their gem friend to some other person?

Are parents matured enough to understand their emotions, relationships and guide them in a mature manner to handle their relationships and take decisions?

Is it necessary or correct to possess that gem like person and the relationship as our own special private property?...Is it possible or correct to lock them inside the house?...Such people generally will be extroverts…i.e highly socialising personalities….it is their basic personality trait….telling them to change is a waste and if they are socially isolated they will be mentally not healthy and will get affected…they will not be peaceful, happy and can not keep others at home happy and do all the chores….ok, Can we live with them without possessiveness?... Because such beautiful souls are sure to attract every one around!!...If the answer is NO, then whom will you marry?...a cheat or selfish?...or ‘neither too good nor too bad’ type of a person?... or an introvert and moody person?

So, innocently we grow, innocently we socialise, innocently we get some good people in life, innocently we make good relationships, the mind does not know how to draw boundaries and fences during the tender age, and after forming a riped relationship bringing in maturity with boundaries and fencing affects the relationship, during the times in life when we are low in mind, emotionally weak and needy, we perceive the relationships differently…

There is no one who is fully and properly qualified on these things to educate us. Depending upon the severity of our need at that point of time, we see what is right or what is wrong. Something which is perceived as right at some time is perceived by us as wrong during some other time. So, though we say our perceptions have to be beyond our need states, practically the biological or physiological condition of the brain, the state of mind formed decide our perceptions.

So, the crux is emotional and social development is a challenge and we keep learning throughout life.

peacefully yours....rams...