"Sir, why i am not able to become like Thomas Alva Edison or Einstein?"

 One Question....One Answer....

Qn. "Sir, why i am not able to become like Thomas Alva Edison or Einstein?"

Ans: 

Those who study just before the exam night might pass the exam, and degree course after many arrears, if they are much below the intelligence required for that course/subjects. They will get the degree and become qualified in the matrimonial market to get married and live a traditional financial dependent life. 

Those who have very average intelligence and read just for an hour or so before the exam might get a job for 10K or so per month and might pull the life with lots of hardship and agony and share whatsapp status messages like 'life is full of sorrows'!!

Those who have intelligence, but do not touch the book at all, or those who have very low intelligence, but work hard to study and get a job, might get 15K (arts and science courses) or 25K (engg students) and might just be able to buy their dresses or ice creams of pizzas of their choice and put them in whatsapp status or fb stories!!

Those who have high intelligence and put in average hardwork ....and those with average intelligence and put in good hard work....might get 50K to 1 lakh per month and might be able to buy their bike or car or dream dresses or iphone and put their hifi travel and tourism pics and videos in whatsapp status!!

Those who have average intelligence, put in the ultimate hard work with higer life time dreams might land up in IITs or NITs or IIMs or best of the dream jobs in India or equivalent jobs or institutions abroad and put up whatsapp status like me!!

Those with average intelligence but totally dedicate their entire life for sciences, engg, arts, or subject or areas of knowledge and skill....keep sharpening their intelligence...those who eat their goals, breath their dreams, sleep in their passion....24x7....they will not do any compromises and sacrifices that will change their focus or make them not to achieve their dream destinations or heights....will become little celebrities, nationally and globally known for some time!!...They will self actualise, live a fulfilled life...!!!....If they understand the meaning of life properly, live a health enhancing life, then they might even be contented, happy and successful in their family and social life too!! 

Those with very high intelligence and live in a totally different world, deeply immersed in their brain urges, knowledge and wisdom cravings, passion, dreams, goals, inner drives, soul searching areas of interest that lasts for their entire life, their , and feel that they are born for that....their life is that...actually they mentally don't live on this earth....with families and social environment....but live with those worldly things that will fuel their fire...etc will become an Einstein or Edison or Buddha or Swami Vivekananda or Thiru Valluvar etc!!

So, decide who you are and what you are, live the way you want/like, and reach wherever you can and are destined!!

Peacefully yours...Dr. Prof. Captain (IN). M. Ramasubramanian, IIM.

"sir, i am a young employee in an organisation. Whenever i attend a meeting involving managers of all the verticals and Heads of Departments and sections, i found every one is in disagreement with each other and fight. Why sir?"

 Dear all,

One Question....One Answer....

Qn. "sir, i am a young employee in an organisation. Whenever i attend a meeting involving managers of all the verticals and Heads of Departments and sections, i found every one is in disagreement with each other and fight all the time. Why sir?...They are all supposed to be matured seniors and role models for young juniors like us!!"

Ans: Generally, most of the bosses are Type A personalities. Only those who are self driven, hard working, impatient, aggressive, fast talking, determined to succeed, can't accept failures, competitive, ambitious, organised, focused on work, spend long hours of work forgetting other issues of life, become bosses or rise up in the hierarchical ladder. 

They have a strict career orientation of life. 

Their thoughts and internal processes have a tendency to multitask, feel impatient or irritated when delayed, feel stressed when faced with delays or other challenges that affect their success, focus on concrete ideas and the immediate tasks at hand and do not like wasting time, do not take breaks, keep criticising themselves when they have to leave something undone or feel they did not do a good job.

 They are Zero Error Syndrome People. They can not accept errors, deviations and shortfalls in productivity/performance and quality. 

Many of them would not hesitate to do anything under the sky to get their dreams or goals fulfilled. Family, friends, etc become secondary for them. 

Another thing is, if they perceive others as their competitors or having common goals, then they are most likely to pick up arguments, fights with such people. They may not agree to their rivals. Mostly they perceive the HODs in horizontals as their competitors. This is the reason for their disagreements and fights. 

One advantage is that there will be no secrets. Everyone will abuse the other and all secrets of each other and everything put under the carpet would become public. 

Therefore, it is their basic, natural, inborn personality trait which is difficult to change. This also leads to personality oriented diseases of the body, disorders of the mind and social issues in family, organisational and social life. 

If both husband and wife are Type A personalities, then you can imagine the situation at home. Imgine if their children are also Type A, which is most likely!!

Top Bosses can use this trait strategically to gain advantages for the organisation by playing around with the Type A people in forming teams or committees etc. 

So, learn how to be a Type A, without those negatives!!

Mothers have to check out if their children are Type A and accordingly groom a lifestyle and habits that would ensure that they don't get the Type A personlity diseases, disorders and issues in family, marital and social life!!

Lovers, Wives and husbands have to check out if they are Type A and accordingly practice therapies, unlearn the negatives and learn positives.

Type As are likely to indulge in health compromising stress bursting methods like smoking, drinking, using addictive chemicals, and unethical sex etc. They mostly learn these during the vulnerable window of life i.e adolescent stage at schools and colleges, initially for peer group acceptance and in later years for stress bursting. 

Mothers and fathers can play a key role in averting this by being role model parents by having a lifestyle which they expect their children to have. They can also use Cognitive and Behaviour Therapy, CBT, methods to their children to keep health enhancing life style as their breathe of life!!...CBT very much includes all that practiced in spiritual places!!

Peacefully yours...Rams...Psychologist!! 

"sir, i get angry with my girlfriend everyday and start shouting and abusing.....what to do?"

Dear all,

One Question...One Answer...

Qn. "Sir, i get angry with my girlfriend every day and start shouting and abusing...what to do?"

Ans: Not only you, most of us do this. Not only with girlfriend, we do this with all the relationships we have. Almost all the relationships break. This is because our FOCUS is 'our needs, wants and expectations from that person'. Our love depends on what the person can give, whether the person can give what we need or not and the level of satiation of our needs.

Instead, if we shift our focus to 'the relationship...the person who he or she is...the importance of that relationship in our life, the importance of the person in our life, how much the person or the relationship matters in our life...then the situation can be better. Instead of looking at the instantaneous needs, we may look at the long term gain in peace and happiness through the person and the relationship.

Hope this helps...

Peacefully yours...Rams...Psychologist!!

"Sir, what is there in Salary?...Is money everything in life?...Why so much of fuss and importance to salary??"

Dear all,

One Question...One Answer...

Qn. "Sir, i am in the final year of an elite engineering college. I have got a job offer for 25000/- per month in a MNC. Some of my classmates have got job offers like Rs.1,00,000/- plus per month. I am feeling low about this. Everyone is creating so much of fuss about the salary. Though the CGPA difference between us is not much, but there is a big difference in the salary. Why like this? Why everyone feels 'woww' about the high salaried person?...Is money everything in life?...I am depressed!!'

Ans: I can understand your situation. Don't worry. You can also get such salaries shortly. I will tell you the technique.

Salary shows the value of the knowledge, potential or talent elements, personality attributes, skills sets, experience, capacity, competency levels etc the person has which is in high demand in the job market. Some skills are on high demand but low value, so are paid less. Some skills are on high demand but of very high value, so are paid more.

So, do the following, you will also get such high salaried jobs:-

(1) List down all the professional knowledge, skills/talent elements, competency levels in these, personality attributes etc that you have.

(2) Also, list your interests and likes where you can lose yourself, involve and enjoy working, forgetting about the time, hunger, sleep etc

(3) List down the skills on high demand in the job market and highly paid. Identify those skills which interest you and you can lose yourself in doing those jobs. Acquire high competency levels in these, if you don't have.

(4) Match all the three above and identify the things you have and need to grow to get those high salaried jobs.

(5) Identify those organisations which have these as their Key Result Areas (KRAs).

(6) Apply to all these organisations, you will get selected in one or more.

(7) Even if it takes an year or more, do it. You might overtake your classmate in an year or two or few years, because many do not have the endurance to work hard, and continuously upskill and reskill. If you do it for three decades, you will find you are growing continuously and reach far greater heights than all your classmates in all aspects of wealth, knowledge, wisdom, education, good health, fame etc.

No one lives here till 100 years. No one earns for life long. So, starting salary does not matter really. Starting speed does not matter in a marathon. Life is a marathon. So, run moderately in the profession and keep running while keeping good health. You will reach heights which no one can reach!!

Peacefully yours...Rams....Psychologist!!

"Plan quietly....work silently....Let the success create the roar!!"

 "Plan quietly....work silently....Let the success create the roar!!"

                -----  Dr. Prof. Captain. M. Ramasubramanian

"Those who know how to think Positively need no Teachers, Gurus and Gods"...Sir, Why do you think that Gurus and Gods are not required?

 Hai all,

One Question....One Answer....

Qn. Sir, today is Teachers Day. You have put in your status the following lines:- 

"Those who know how to think Positively need no Teachers, Gurus and Gods"

Why do you think that Gurus and Gods are not required?

Ans: For thinking, we should have had the freedom to think, express our feelings, opinions, thoughts, perceptions, rights, wrongs, correct, incorrect that appear in our minds, the confusions, the right social environment to discuss all these and learn through these processes...at our home, schools and colleges. (Organisations want us to think so i have not included organisations here). At other places we are told to 'just follow'... 'obey'....'copy'.... 'memorise'...'keep quiet'...'don't talk'...'talking and asking questions is disobedience'....thinking is a bad habit... We are ordered to fear at parents... teachers... gods... educated... learned...police...elders...gurus....and we are scared at everything and everyone. There is no Love. We are not taught how to love and express our gratitude or feelings of love. These always create a distance and wall between us and all these significant people of our lives. All the time we are worried. We don't like all these, as we are not created to be like this by Nature. Sixth sense is Natural and makes us to think!!...But we are told to shut down this natural instinct. We never learn the correct meaning of love and how to love. We learn to hate. We are taught to hate. We are taught to worry and always look for something or someone to lean-on. We are made parasitic. This is our culture here!!

Even some religious perceptions and preachings are like this. Master-Slave, Boss-subordinate, Leader-follower are primitive concepts created by egoistic Type A personality men....rulers...which are still existing here. So, insecurity rules all the minds. In this environment they are not strong, mind is weak, no self confidence....so, they look for someone to think for them...make decisions for them...to decide their actions...to decide their life....to decide their destiny...show the way...the path.....to be peaceful....to be happy....to be confident.....to be successful....to live...to exist....!!...So, everyone thinks that he or she needs a teacher...guru...god etc. They think it is impossible to live without these two. They can't imagine being peaceful without these two. They wonder how is it possible for anyone to be alive without these two. But there are many who are successful in family life without these two. Successful in profession without these two. There are many good human beings without these two. We can always end up in a never ending arguments whether these two are required or not, exist or not etc. 

On the contrary, if we are taught to think, encouraged to express, discuss, ask questions, learn from Nature, groomed in our observation skills, if our parents were good role models and taught us how to love, how not to hate, how to make life long friendships, how to face the challenges of life, if our parents, close relatives and teachers had been our good mentors, guides, coaches on life skills, professional skills etc, if they themselves knew all these, if they themselves were not requiring a guru or god, then we would have been self learners, got lot of wisdom through experience of self and others, that we are confident to plan our future, we are confident to decide our destiny, we are confident good decision makers, good leaders and managers. We would not be dumb and brain dead slaves in organisations, at homes and social environments.  We would have learnt positives and stored positive mental structures to think and make positive perceptions about everything and everyone!!

We would not have become mind-blinded that we need some guru to show the path...or god to give us self-confidence and lean-on!!

All those who have got the above have become gurus...and all those who did not get became the followers. 

Of course, i do agree that our body and brain may not be healthy all the time for entire life. There will be times of physical health impairment, depressive feelings and thoughts, weak mind, low self-confidence etc. But they will not occur frequently and their impact may not make us totally shattered. We will be able to recover back quickly through our health enhancing behaviours, habits and life pursuits, wisdom and positive thinking friends around. All those around us which/who teach us, keep us physically, mentally and socially healthy become our teachers, gurus and gods!!...There is no need of seperate gurus to teach about life and gods to give us confidence. We create our own destiny through our deeds. 

Sadly, everyone is not born with good, healthy brain. There are many who are born with deficiencies in body and brain. Both high intelligence and low intelligence are abnormal intelligence and such people need support to live peacefully, happily, healthily and be successful in all domains of life. So, many have impairments and need support whenever they go down or every day or every moment or for life long. For them, we need gurus and gods to lean-on, to feel confident, to be obsessed with, and to face the challenges of life. Impairments can happen before birth, after birth, due to diseases, traumatic life experiences etc. So, anyone may need a guru or god anytime in life. Therefore, it is all circumstances in life whether we can boast of being strong or become weak. 

Hence, as long as a person is able to remain physically, mentally and socially healthy, able to think positively, groomed and mentored towards becoming an ideal human being, he or she does not need a guru or god!!

Peacefully yours...Rams...Psychologist!!

"Dear sir, Why there is always a gap between the Expectation and Reality....what to do with this?"

 

Dear all....

Success gives happiness, contentment and fulfillment, and, if the process was enjoyed with positive perceptions, then, the by-product, i.e the LEARNING, gives the wisdom, resilience, personality traits, real value of life, growth, maturity and development towards the positive infinity in the continuum in the path of becoming the ideal human being, achieving enlightenment, self-acutualisation, self-transcendence etc which is the life's purpose and goal!!!

"Sir, i am not like other common women. I am different. How to select my husband and how to live a peaceful, happy and healthy family life?"

 Dear all,

One Question...One Answer...

Qn. "Sir, i am not like other common women. I am different. How to select my husband and how to live a peaceful, happy and healthy family life?...I am unable to decide. Parents are shouting at me that i am rejecting every alliance for silly reasons. They say i have to change, marry someone and adapt to him and his parents and siblings. I think i will not be able to do. I want to have a family and at the same time i want to pursue my dreams also. I want to go all around, meet people, do lots of reading, pursue careers of my interest, groom my children as per my choice and want to be a role model achiever. I want to be successful both in family life, my career and passions and goals. Please, don't talk like spiritual leaders and other culturally obsessed people around sir. Also, don't talk the crap of unconditional love and bla bla. Be practical and guide me how to go about. 

Ans: Hmmmmmmmmmm. This is the biggest issue in the life of all girls and boys between 20 to 30 years of age as to how to select their spouse who will support them and care for them in the way they want. It is also a major issue after marriage as to how to strike a good relationship with the spouse and make a successful family life and career aligning with their goals, dreams and passion.  

Sadly, in our culture created by the ancestors, the spouse is liked and loved based on what he or she can offer to him/her rather then who she or he is as an individual...i.e their personality traits, talents, potential, human qualities, knowledge, wisdom etc. All men and average women support this culture as the best as their knowledge and exposure are limited. Truly not. This kind of a relationship based on dependence will not lead to a healthy life long relationship. 

Oldies think that only needs, wants and desires, dependency of one on the other for satiation of these make them to remain attracted, attached and keeps the relationship going for life time. But i differ in this. One should like a person for what he or she is. Relationship should be for friendship and companionship. Once this is achieved, then care and support (Love) will automatically spring in one for the other. This will keep the relationship going for life time. Desire to fulfill the needs of the other person, the feelings of love, care and support to the other person should emanate out of the attraction to the other person for his or her human qualities...who or what he or she is!!...This part gets totally eliminated in the primitive concept. 

Anyway... 

You have a big list of needs, wants and expectations. Please take time and list them all. You have your boundaries, limitations in adaptations, compromises and sacrifices you can do. You can make adjustments to whatever extent possible by you. But whether all these restrictions and inabilities / abilities, efforts of yours to satisfy the other person's needs, wants and expectations are ok with the prospective alliance boy or not is not known. But you should write down these clearly. So that you can talk it out. In the same way, the boy also should write down and both should see if you can satisfy each other. If both of you think you can meet each others needs, wants and expectations, then you can go ahead with the committed relationship of marriage. Similar discussions can be held with the in-laws and siblings also to check if you are compatible with them too.

We change continuously and our likes, dislikes, wants, needs, expectations, boundaries, tolerance, patience, adaptabilities etc also change continuously as we develop, grow, age, mature, evolve and move from one stage or phase of life to the other. Almost, every 05 years we change considerably and changes can be noticed by all. Also, before marriage, after marriage, after children are born, when the children are infants, children, adolescents, adults, before marriage, after marriage etc the duties and responsibilities as a lover, as a husband, as a father will change...these changes in social conditions also change our desires and levels / type of needs and wants. This changes our expectations too from others. 

Therefore, at least fortnightly or monthly both need to sit together in a relaxed, conducive environment where both are not stressed, have time to patiently listen to the other, and discuss the new list, discuss the satisfactions, thank each other, bring out the shortfalls in the expectations, suggest and  help the other person as to how the shortfalls can be fulfilled. So, heart-out talks, discussions, helping and supporting each other with the ways and means as to how the other person can satisfy us is a must. If required, help of specialists and therapists can be sought. 

Sometimes, agreement /understanding / acceptance of the proposals or requests or suggestions will not be reached in one sitting. So, you might have to sit many times to come to an agreement or common understanding of decisions or need satiation. 

In our actual present life the husband and wife do not do this. As a result unfulfilled dreams, desires, wants, needs, expectations, differences that slowly set-in in the likes, dislikes, interests, obsessions, truths, corrects, incorrects, beliefs etc and both of them become totally aliens who can not match and gel with each other, walls get formed between them, then frustrations set-in, cold wars start, then physical fights start, hurting and abusing words get exchanged, wounds do not heal, trauma continues, then they feel that it is impossible to continue with the relationship or live together, then they decide to seperate, or remain socially isolated or live seperately inside the house etc. 

Therefore,

1. Make your lists and ask the other person also to make the lists, sit and discuss with the stake holders, and go ahead with the marriage if it works out. 

2. Such complications do not arise with the girls who do not have employability skills or big career dreams etc and from economically weaker sections of the society. So, they understand that they have no other choice and adapt to everything with the other person and his people around. 

3. Open hearted fortnightly or monthly discussions regarding various issues of self and family need to be held and repeated sittings are to be done till some implementable and mutually acceptable / satisfying solutions are arrived at. 

4. This is a life long process and when this process stops, then the relationship issues are likely to start. 

Peacefully yours...Rams...Psychologist!!

"Sir, my wife went to an ashram for a visit and thereafter is not coming back home...she is refusing to come...she has become a permanent disciple there...something they have done to her there!!...what should i do now?"

 Dear all, 

One question...One answer....

Qn. "Sir, my wife went to an ashram for a visit and thereafter is not coming back home...she is refusing to come...she has become a permanent disciple there...something they have done to her there!!...what should i do now?"

Ans: Many husbands and few wives have this complaint against ashrams and swamijis. Many parents also have such a complaint against these places and people saying they have hypnotized their children and attracted the innocents towards them and their ashrams. They also give a big list of complaints. 

Many who are not affected also have a big list of abuses and complaints. 

I don't know what happens there or what they do.

But one aspect cannot be ruled out. 

Let us consider a person who is married (or a ward of a parent), physically healthy, mentally healthy and peaceful, socially healthy with good relationships with everyone at home, in organizations and with friends etc and lives a relatively stress free life. Let us also assume that she or he has a good and correct understanding about life, living, relationships etc with clarity that the individual lives a life where she or he is not dependent on others.  Let us assume that the individual has enough freedom to talk, think, behave, express emotions, and live the life as per her/his choice, dreams, likes, dislikes etc.

This may be an ideal condition. 

So, let us consider those who are in a state of mental health where they can manage all the stresses due to social dynamics at home with spouse, parents, friends etc with patience, tolerance and adaptability by stretching their boundaries a bit. 

If such an individual goes to such places, listens to the speeches of people over there, i don't think they will get obsessed with the places or principles of the leader or people over there or with the individuals.

Only when people are stressed beyond their potential and ability to manage the stability of their mental health, they feel threatened for their life, they feel scared, they feel that they have been totally destroyed from their inner self, they feel they don't have the freedom even a bit to talk or play or enjoy within their natural constructs, they feel that they are dying in a hell and all the people around are demons etc., they feel totally suffocated, feel slavery, prey that some one from heaven should come and save them, they keep preying to god to save them, they look for a place or person or group of people who can save them...a place that is full of peace, calmness, spirituality, natural air, clean water, healthy food, freedom to pursue their inner pursuits etc...when they find such a place, when they feel they have the security for their life, they feel they are closer to god, they feel that place is the heaven, then they don't want to leave that place...they get attracted and attached with the people over there...they get obsessed with the spiritual leader over there...whatever he or she says becomes the God's spell for them...the life philosophy preached becomes the holy book for that individual... 

Every individual is different....every individual is a designer human being with unique personality traits...there are few basic traits which that individual may not be able to change...for e.g the famous women politicians, women actors, women achievers, sports women, social activists etc are born with those traits...talents...potential...all these people cannot be controlled...they cannot be told 'This is not our culture. In our culture the ladies are to be housewives obeying to parents, in-laws and husband doing all the house hold jobs in addition to whatever they want to do. This kind of thinking and life will not work out in our family environment and relatives circles. You have to change!!'....either they will escape and run away from the family or commit suicide or will  get physically and mentally affected. Most of the celebrities or achievers or spiritual leaders etc belong to this variety. e.g Buddha who left the family in the night. They are Type A personalities who have to be accepted the way they are, allowed to pursue their life the way they want. They are partially or completely born for the society and humanity. Not for one family or few people!!

Not everyone runs away and remains in ashrams. There are many who are obsessed with the leader, followers and the preaching, but still they live a happy family life with their family members. This spirituality helps them to handle the stressful issues in their life and still remain at peace with everyone and everything. Some visit these places occasionally for a break, while they follow the life style preached by the leader. Like this we have all kinds of people who manage their life issues and stresses to remain stable, balanced, calm, cool, peaceful and mentally healthy.

So, the crux is...

1. Before blaming others, let us look at ourselves, ask if we are being a hurdle to others at home, whether our philosophies of life and living are making our lives and the life of others stressful, see how best we can help others at home to develop, grow, in knowledge, wisdom, skills etc., If parents, husbands and in-laws of all achievers felt that women are born to be only house wives, then we would not have had woman-achievers who made their parents, husbands and in-laws feel proud, who became role models for other women in the country etc.

2. If the people at home love them unconditionally and support to achieve their dreams, passions, goals, aims etc., then i am sure no one will leave that relationship and home.  

Peacefully yours...Rams....Psychologist!!

"When we fall in the well of obsession and sink in feelings, then we might lose the opportunity of exploring and feeling the universe!!"

 Dear all,

I find almost every one is obsessed with something or the other. People, places, religion, language and many such bla bla. All the obsessions are for some wants, needs, desires and expectations. For love and affection or care and support or motivation, money, wealth, physical-mental-and social security. We are sure that all these will not be met at all the times and therefore, frustrations, sadness, anger, depression etc affect the health and peace of everyone.

When we fall in the well of obsession and sink in feelings, then we might lose the opportunity of exploring and feeling the universe!!

So, it is better to pursue exercises, yoga, meditation, health enhancing life style with eating, balance in work, rest and entertainment, so that we come out this 'pleasure and comfort well' and start facing the life ahead with a strong mind and not in the coziness of false security with obsessed and weak minds.

Everyone feels a goodness in the pleasures of obsession. They feel it is dangerous and not safe and good to come out. But those who have come out feel liberated, more happiness, more joy, more freedom, more air to breathe, more strength, and they feel bad that they were pushed and got stuck inside the obsession due to lack of guidance, knowledge and exposure!!

So, let us liberate ourselves into freedom!!

Peacefully yours...Rams...Psychologist!!

"sir, both me and my husband are from different religions....which religion my child should follow, in your opinion??"

 Dear all....One Question...One Answer...

Qn. "Sir, i am an orthodox Christian. My husband is an orthodox Muslim. In your opinion, which religion we should teach to our children?"

Ans: There are already enough chaos and issues related to religions, religious faiths and beliefs. Most of the people who come for counselling have physical, mental and social health problems due to their convictions and orthodox nature related to their religious faiths and beliefs. Some of their beliefs contradict with some of their other interests, likes, convictions and beliefs. So, they suffer a lot in their life. All the religions, their associated beliefs and faiths originated for a healthy, happy, peaceful and harmonious living of human beings with others and nature. But religions and associated beliefs have divided them and ruined the life of many. 

So, you just groom your children to be good human beings who have common sense, adaptability and decision making skills. They will identify those good things in all the religions, select those suitable for them and live happily, healthily, peacefully and harmoniously. They will not have any religious identity, but, will have a good human being identity. There is no point in having any identity by losing this basic identity. 

Peacefully yours...Rams...Psychologist!!

"sir, i am working hard day and night...but still my efforts are not appreciated, not recognised and i am not rewarded!!"

 Dear all....One Question...One Answer....

Qn. "Sir, i am working hard day and night...but still my efforts are not appreciated, not recognised and i am not rewarded!!"

Ans: Please check out the following:-

(1) Whether you are interested in what you are doing from morning to night. Whether you are able to lose yourself, forget the food, sleep, time etc in what you are doing. Whether it is entertaining you and not making you tired. Whether you are without anxiety and stress....whether you are peaceful in doing the job...!!

(2) Whether it is a Key Result Area (KRA) activity in your section or department or the entire organisation. Whether it is a Functional activity. Only then you will get focus, attention, priority, immediate recognition, rewards etc. If your activity is Secondary or Tertiary and not Primary, then you may or may not get. Probability is less. 

(3) Whether you are doing as per the expectations of your boss or not. You might bring the sky and heavens to earth. But if your boss is not liking it or organisation is not appreciating it, then it is of no use. It is similar to a husband or wife saying that they are working for the other person only at home like dogs and donkeys but feel that the other person is not appreciating it...because they don't do those things as per the expectations of the other person...they do only those things which they feel important or priority!!

(4) Whether you are briefing your boss adequately (blowing your trumpet) that she/he is aware of your efforts, results, output, hard work, feels you are working hard, you are creative, you are different, you are adding value to the project, section, department, organisation etc. you will bring profits, name, fame, status, etc to the department/organisation.  

(5) Whether you are creative and doing things differently to the likes of the boss.

(6) Whether you are cutting costs and bringing profits.

(7) Whether you are doing jobs that are quantifyable with factors of realisation which are quantified and specified in numbers.

(8) Whether what you are doing is significant part of the project.

(9) Whether you are doing appropriate things with efficiency...i.e correct things in less time, more output...high productivity in most important and vital things...!!

(10) Whether you do not have any attitude problem, you are a good listener, whether you are a good team member and team leader...whether you do not have any personality disorder issues...whether you do not have any ego...whether you are generally liked by all as a good peer, good subordinate, good boss and a good human being. 

If all the above are there, then no way that you will lose out....if you are losing out, then one or more of the above are missing...just bring them in...you will be successful, you will be recognised and rewarded!!

Peacefully yours...Rams...Psychologist!!

''Sir, why some spiritual people are scandalous?'

 Dear all...One question...One answer...

Qn. "Sir, why some spiritual people are scandalous?'

Ans. Only Nature is everywhere. Everything is a part of Nature. Everything is a subset of Nature. All human made too!!...All Humans too!!

All living organisms reproduce...Law of Nature!!

So, nature has created a system for this function with organs, and the system is interconnected with other related systems like Neuro system.

We also have an evolved sixth sense which seeks knowledge, wisdom, spiritual experience, skills, self actualisation and self transcendence...and the system to achieve and realise this with it's primary and secondary organs.

So, depending upon which one is active and aroused more and when...How long...How much?...whether reproductive system or system for enlightenment?...accordingly the thoughts, emotions and behaviours will emerge!!

For both, you need calm and stress free mind and body, for a spiritual and tantric experience!!!

Some people with stress use this pleasure form of stress relief with animal experience to get relief or feeling of goodness...stress free state...to move on to the enlightenment!!...This is certainly not a healthy way of living!!

State of Happiness and State of Pleasure...both give a Feeling of Goodness...but the chemical reactions and metabolism that take place in various systems of the body are different. Causing stress and relieving stress through pleasure for experiencing the feeling of goodness is not certainly healthy compared to living in a stress free state and enjoying both happiness and pleasure!!

If a person is with a mind that is free from other materialistic needs and social fears...like other living organisms...then the individual is not bothered about the consequences of a care free reprodutive living...like other organisms!!

When a perons lives in this mind state with a functional reproductive system then the person is more likely to live both reproductive and spiritual lives.

So, nothing wrong with them. It is only wrong with our perception that spiritual people are supposed to have a specific attire and appearance with a brahmachari/eternal celibacy life style. When we find people deviating from this perception, then we call them scandalous!!

It may be easy for those with naturally non functional/less functional reproductive system and highly aroused enlightenment system. However, it is difficult for those with highly active and functional reproductive system either by heredity or by life style.

But some are exceptions with their own perspectives and philosophies. We call them scandalous!!!

It is our mistake that we go and dump all our money and wealth on them and our misconceptions too!!

Then the question comes which life style is good?

A health enhancing life style blended with other elements of Nature, healthy-stable-calm reproductive system with which we are able to make a family with healthy children who are also like us and live a spritual enlightened life!!

Life is a Journey of Learning.... எல்லா துறைகளிலும் கரை காண்பது...!!!

Peacefully yours...Rams...Psychologist!!

'Sir, how to select the Husband boy?' (or wifey girl)

 Dear all...One question...One answer... FOR ALL THE TEENAGERS and THOSE IN RELATIONSHIPS...

Qn. Sir, there is a boy with whom i am in a relationship. He shows lots of common interests and likes in which i have interest and likes. He takes care of me well. I think he is the right guy for me. But still i am confused and scared. Please tell me how to select a husband boy? 

1. We need to see that he is responsible and has good human qualities, personality traits to understand feminity and is a capable HUSBAND and FATHER, because he has to perform the duties role responsibilities related to these two social statuses. He need not be a good LOVER but he has to be an excellent understanding, participative, unconditionally loving FRIEND and a COMPANION.  

2. All male living organisms exhibit lots of mating skills consciously or sub-consciously. It is a natural process that once any organism attains age and ready for reproductive life and living, it is programmed subconsciously to search for the mate. Once it finds one, it does everything under the sky to attract the attention of the other organism of opposite sex and then to go near or bring it near to close proximity for mating. 

3. In the case of human beings, the individual observes that person, automatically finds out the details about the person -  place of living, habits, usual visiting places, daily routines, close friends, social sites of interest etc., tries to establish communication, finds out the likes and dislikes, sending birthday greetings and such other bla bla are usual routine things etc. Once the communication is established the individual tries to retain the communication by showing common interests, tries to serve the needs and wants of the other individual, makes the other individual happy, wins the trust and confidence, portrays as the best human being on the earth ever lived, once the other person is brought socially and mentally closer, then tries to bring the other person physically closer by showing interests of meetings, dating etc. Then at the right oppurtunity meets the physical needs and continues it till getting satisfied or variation needs start. 

4. Some establish a committed social relationship through marriage. Some continue without any commitment. Some want 'relationship with mutual interests' without any marriage. Like this there are several variations. In most cases at least one gets affected. 

5. No relationship with only physical needs continues for life time whether it is a committed relationship or not!!

6. Only that relationship which has the real unconditional friendship, companionship, 'the individual and the relationship matter to me beyond anything', 'i have no needs, wants or expectations from the other person, and just want to see the other person happy, healthy, peaceful, contented, fulfilled in life', 'i like being in the thoughts with the other person or like being in the thoughts of the other person', 'i can never get angry, or upset or frustrated with the other person', 'i get hurt deeply when the other person is not happy, not peacefuly or not healthy' continues for life time and becomes a divine or ideal or true relationship. 

7. There are many people with high levels of endurance who exhibit best loving and caring friendship and companionship, show such common interests, help or support the other person even for about ten years, express their interests and wait for fulfillment of their interests of needs and wants, and leave the relationship slowly and steadily or even abruptly with reasons. 

Having said all the above....check for the following....

1. If the other person has changed to impress you or was the same kind of person earlier also?

2. Whether that person is exhibiting all the overt and covert behaviours  without any stress (if manipulated then the individual would experience stress)?

3. Whether that person has indicated any needs, wants or expectations for the self from you for many years...i.e whether that person is unconditional?

4. Whether the person is same kind of an enduring good human being with all, under all circumstances and over many years?

5. Has he or she made you stressful anytime in life?

6. Is he or she a person as explained in para 01 and 06 above for many years?

If the answers for the above questions is positive, then he or she is the right person to be the husband or wife or life mate or soul mate!!....All other relationships could be obsessions and will break once the obsession is over!!

Peacefully yours...Rams...Psychologist!!

One question...One answer....

Dear all...One question...One answer...

Qn. Sir, why some people are attracted towards young or elderly people for their reproductive needs?

Ans. It is a subconscious natural act. Nature wants the offsprings to be healthy, so it drives towards young and healthy people as it is expected that this way the offsprings will be healthy. Nature also wants the offsprings to be safe and secure during the growing up, grooming and development i.e. child rearing process. So, it directs towards elderly people who exhibit loving, caring, resourceful and good human behaviours and bring in that confidence of safe and secure growth for offsprings under the wings of this person. Of course, Nature also wants every organism to be unique and different. This also is a reason.

Peacefully yours...Rams...Psychologist!!

While taking decisions in life, especially those crucial life changing decisions, use the brain and not the heart!!

 Dear all,

    While taking decisions in life, for heavens sake use brain, and not the heart!!...Especially those crucial decisions which change your life!!

I see lots of memes and friends telling 'Go by your heart!!'...'Heartfulness decisions'...'Go by your gut-feeling'....'Go by what your soul says!'...'Listen to the voice within you!'...By and large, all these are wrong, as they all mostly direct you based on the body needs, directly or indirectly...consciously or subconsciously!!

You are likely to end up in small time pleasures and long time failures and heavy losses!!

Few of the spiritual gurus tell 'listen to me...follow me...'....there are many religioustic memes or sayings also tell 'i am with you, follow me!'.....all these have made the people to lose COMMON SENSE...the nature given power of thinking above the intuition too....people have become goats and just follow without using their brains...and land up in trouble!!

Another thing is this damn 'what people will think!'......Decisions based on this also will ruin your life!!....Here again use commonsense, think what is good for all....and accordingly decide!!

During this COVID times, people are taking emotional decisions, heart driven decisions, decisions based on 'what others will think about me!'....and getting affected with covid, spreading to others, and losing their lives...had they taken decisions using their common sense, brain, thinking what is good for all, how to handle the issue in a clever manner, then losses could have been minimised!!

So, kindly use common sense, brain, be clever and take decisions for the well-being and good of all!!

Peacefully yours....Rams....Psychologist!!

Who is a Mother?....Who is a good child??

 Dear all,

Today is Mothers' Day!!

Everyone is sharing lots of messages, memes, videos, memories, pictures and celebrating the mothers' day in their own way...meeting their mother....sharing memories and spending lighter moments...giving her gifts...in general making her happy in whatever way possible...very good...nice...well-done!!

But i have got an additional request and a different perception as a Psychologist!!

Who is a Mother?

Who is a Son or Daughter?

What is the relationship between the two?

What is Love for each other?

In my opinion, Love is Respect, Respect means Responsibility...This is Primary. Rest all those pampering things which a mother shows to children or children show to a mother are Secondary and Tertiary, though they are also important, like the spices which make the food tasty...but Primary is the Food, so we can't miss out that!!

But sadly this is missing out in the traditional grooming of a child by a mother!!

If a mother loves her children, her responsibility is to make them physically, mentally and socially strong, adaptable, independent good human beings with great morals, values, and ethics!!

i.e A life style with health enhancing habits, matured, balanced, cool, calm, sharp mind, focussed on the goals, dreams, passions, attracting everyone through great human qualities and personality traits, ability to live anywhere on earth, with anyone, any culture, any religion, any climate, any food, any clothing, any organisation, any team, on any terrain, ability to withstand all kinds of traumatic life situations, high resilience, good in studies and strong in the subjects, knowledge and skill sets of interest, being employable to create own money and wealth, ability to create a family by being a great companionship-husband showing unconditional love, being that ideal husband with the true definition of Relationship, role model father with clean habits, morals, values and ethics, sharing the domestic chores and responsibilities, respecting and taking care of all the elders in the family and making the children as role models and ideal human beings, like him!!...............(this is for both genders!!)

But traditional parenting produces only mentally weak, emotionally weak, dependent, parasitic, non-adaptable, neurotic, non employable, smokers, drunkards, obese, full of lifestyle diseases, mental disorders, irresponsible, bad and negative role models for children...Wives feel why i got married and children decide not to marry after seeing the married relationship between the father and mother!!

So, mothers should fulfill their responsibility of making a son or daughter as above and children should become a responsible son or daughter as above!!

The worst punishment a son or daughter can give to their mother is to make their mother to see them Dead in front of her....or dying every day in front of her with injections, handful of medicines, life style diseases, smokers, drunkards, impaired body which is struggling to survive and exist, no education, no skills sets, no knowledge commensurate with the qualification, no worldly exposure, immature, pigeon brains, no global awareness, traditional mindset, without job, by being dependent on others for food, clothing, shelter etc.

So, the crux is....if you really love your mother...if you really respect her...be that IDEAL SON or IDEAL DAUGHTER as explained above!!

The great Tamil poet Thiru Valluvar in his Thriukkural says 'A responsible son or daughter is one who makes her mother hear from others that 'Your child is a great human being and a good scholar!!'

Marriage is a great responsibility...Being a HUSBAND, WIFE, FATHER, MOTHER....the ultimate tests of responsibility, on earth!!! So, make yourself eligible, and then marry, and then become a father or mother...otherwise everyone has to become a Psychologist on the earth for the other!!

Ability to Reproduce is not the eligibility to become eligible for marriage!!...That is an animal definition of being an adult!!

A happy and a meaningful Mothers' Day!!

Peacefully yours...Rams...Psychologist!!