marry the right person...else your entire, precious, one time oppurtunity of life is goneeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!

dear all...

well said...first point is the most important point...first we should ask why should i marry?...based on the answer we get in mind then further questions should be asked and decisions to be taken!!

we and our 'well'...the culture inside a well...!!

dear all...indian culture does not have travel and learning, maturing through travel on its back bone......it, along with the politicians and religious leaders, promote region based sensitivities and make people remain within their well or wells...so, break that culture...and travel widely and wildly, with an intention of learning TOO...rams

How to select your life mate?...How to select matches for your children?

dear all...MAINLY FOR PARENTS WHO ARE IN SEARCH OF MATCHES FOR THEIR CHILDREN AND OF COURSE, COLLEGE STUDENTS...in the past the children were just sent to the school by parents as a ritual...but today they start dreaming about their future with respect to accomplishments, big jobs, big salaries, lots of money and great wealth.

So, before the child is born parents dream, liaise with schools for payment seats and book.

After they are born they dump their 'anxiety' on children and make them highly stressed with big goals, targets of 100%, send them to lots of skill development programmes, tuitions and what not.

So, the students are goal centric, do not help anyone (because in the relative merit for professional course admissions after +2, they should not lose out on the three decimal point ranking) and are focused on 'achievement motive'...200 out of 200!...best college!!...best job!!!...excelling in job!!!!...faster promotions!!!!...deputations and opportunities abroad for work and learning.

All these are MIND related activities. So, the hormones and systems in side the body related to this remain activated from the beginning as a habit and all other supporting systems remain active.

In most of the cases the gynaec system, though grows during adolescence, remains dormant, and when it comes to priority between 'sex' (1) and 'professional goal, passion, hobby, achievement' (2) etc they generally select the second one!...so, sex takes second priority. This is because of their above said grooming. Even if they fall in love it is mostly related to their mind needs, supportive personality for their goals, passion, achievement motives etc. Interpersonal attraction mostly takes place due to matching of these. Even if they indulge in physical intimacies.

But children whose food habits, social habits, friend circles and family environment which promotes BODY based traditional culture of our living, then they are activated on physical intimacies and related body based needs and behaviours too.

So, depending on the dominant factor i.e 1 or 2...and depending on the dominating system functioning and motive...i.e physical proximities/intimacies/sex or achievement motives...they decide between 1 or 2.

If the goals, passion etc of both of them are same and if they can live together, then both 1 and 2 can be achieved to a satisfactory level. Else both might live at different places and only 2 can get met.

when there is a mismatch...ie one is behind goals and achievement (MIND needs) and other is bent more towards physical intimacy based family living, then needs do not get met and frustration starts. Then girls will only show disinterest or meet the needs of the spouse without any interest and fights, family fights, separation, divorce etc happens or 'living inside the same house but without any emotional connection' happens for the sake of peace of parents, children, society etc.

so, the crux is...

1. the MIND needs, goals, passion etc of both the boy and girl should match so that they will have healthy relationships which can lead to healthy family living resulting in mentally healthy off springs.

2. otherwise they will only live with their spouses for the sake of children, parents, society etc without any interest and involvement and later get attracted to people with matching interests and can fall in love with them for their MIND needs with or without the physical intimacies. In fact such achievement motive people would like to have their physical intimacies with people who match their interests, because, sex for pleasure of the body does not give mental satisfaction and happiness, whereas, sex starting or driven by mind need matching, love at mind level, results in spiritual union and they derive the ultimate happiness beyond the pleasure of the bodies mating. This leads to stronger relationships, happy home, love beyond the beauty and lust of the body. In some cases when their mind reverberates with accomplishment of goals or peak of performance in their passion they might unite without their consciousness which again brings in the next higher level of union called the tantric level. Unfortunately such things are not experienced by our people as their culture is BODY based and therefore it remains at body level only of animal needs and never goes to the MIND level, sixth sense etc and therefore does not result in stronger life long relationships and therefore what is called 'extramarital relationships' take place and the blame goes to the people concerned and not to their parents or culture.

3. In general, in the present society where the children are culturally groomed  with achievement motive, the MIND needs are stronger than the body needs. So, traditional ways of match making and marriages will not be successful in real terms. So, no point in blaming the children for divorce, marital dishormony etc saying they are not adaptable. It is the mistake of the parents for not selecting the right match for their children.

rams

how to avoid fear of death??

Dear all...how to avoid fear of death??

it is very simple...if we keep our aim as simple and achievable, based on family life etc, then we will accomplish them in no time and land up in the question 'what next?'...especially those who live their family life as back bone or becoming HOD or princi or attaining any organisational or social position, status etc will land up in the situation of fear of death, as there is nothing to munch for the mind after achieving their goals...!!

but when we define life as a 'journey of end less learning' e.g the way my college senior Kalam defined it...you think he would have any time to think about death etc?...no way...his life was an endless journey towards gaining knowledge, wisdom and giving to all...also we need to keep good physical and mental health...of two hours walks and runs every day...and one hour of asanas...and of course, every minute we should be in a meditative state...what i call as 'meditative living'...i.e being in the present, being cool, enjoying every moment, because we have no ultimate or ulterior motive other than to learn and do it to our best...of course we can do meditation while travelling and whenever we are not doing anything...this way, wealth, money, fame, positions everything will run behind towards us....

do you think fear of death will haunt you...noooooooooooo wayyyyyyyyyyyyy!!!

in general keep yourself busy in sixth sense based activities....

rams

dear all...some diamonds clicked recently during walks...again, diamonds on road side...rams

IT IS IMPOSSIBLE TO BE SUCCESSFUL, HAPPY, HEALTHY, PEACEFUL AND WITH CONTENTMENT IN LIFE WITH LOW EQ AND SQ!!!

Dear all…every child has a BODY and MIND…both are continuously growing…in fact, from birth and during entire childhood, the way both these two grow decides their entire future till birth.

Habits the parents have becomes the culture for the kids…for e.g if parents have good physical, mental and social health habits, then they need not TELL or ADVICE the children to do exercises for all these three…once they practice as a habit, the children will also follow by OBSERVING them.
PARENTS MAKE THEIR CHILDREN, NOT THROUGH WORDS, BUT THEIR DEEDS.

They need to be inspired, and not taught, physical, mental and social exercises so that their IQ, EQ and SQ improve. They learn to be happy, peaceful, healthy, contented and self actualized.

These 3Qs are the most important to be successful in education, profession, personal-family-social-organizational life and be a noble and have a meaningful life.

IQ can be low, but certainly not EQ and SQ. No compromise in that.

IT IS IMPOSSIBLE TO BE SUCCESSFUL, HAPPY, HEALTHY, PEACEFUL AND WITH CONTENTMENT IN LIFE WITH LOW EQ AND SQ!!!

Those with high EQ and SQ will put in hard work, this will help them to be successful even with average IQ, they will be able to handle any ‘CHANGE’ situations easily without any hardship, anxiety and stress, they will be highly adaptable, they will radiate calm and peace, they will be sharp and focused, they will have great decision making powers, they will never lose their cool even under the highest stressful situations, the will be able to take along everyone with their imperfections and therefore will be good leaders and managers…so…so…so…they will be successful at home, organizations, society, family and in all relationships.

Therefore it is the most important responsibility of the parents to ensure the high EQ and SQ ‘CULTURE’ exists at home.

rams

the missing link between us, our life, our living and the organisations/social systems around...

Dear all…SPIRITUAL and all other ORGANISATIONS in the country play a vital role in the improvement of IQ, EQ, SQ, knowledge and skills of students at schools and colleges.

Every spiritual organization by law should be connected to at least one school for carrying out the above role on free of cost.

Every BUSINESS organization, whether PRODUCTION or SERVICE organization in the country also should be connected by law to at least one school and college for imparting domain knowledge through routine and frequent speeches of their staff to the institutions and visit of the students to their organizations. This will ensure that there is a continuous connectivity between the people from childhood, who eventually have to become part of these organizations, a good network between the stake holders of present and future, through social responsibility of the organizations.

Presently there is a total disconnect and therefore, inspite of spending 16 years in schools and colleges and spending 21 years at home, our culture and society, the students are assessed as UNEMPLOYABLE by employers!!!!...assessed unfit for loving or family living by the new brides / bride grooms!!!

...where are we heading to?...what are we then doing at home, society, schools and colleges???...they are not successful, peaceful, happy, contented and healthy in their marriages, family life, personal life, social life, organizational life!!!

...then what do we teach them all throughout??...where are we failing???...inspite of the parents being highly educated holding lengthy list of academic qualifications from the best institutions of the country????....whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy???

What is the problem??...where is the problem????

rams

what ever is being shown in our TV channels, can we watch them...is it correct...how should we perceive...what should we do???

Dear all….a country whose back bone is BELIEF systems and not SCIENCE and FACTUALS cannot prosper and be free of diseases. India is the capital of LIFE STYLE DISEASES. What does this show?...Sedentary, negative and health compromising cultural life style at physical, mental and relationship levels bring in these diseases!!!

Our media (news, discussions, serials and a host of tv channels which spread belief systems based on religion, astrology, vasthu and what not…you know!!...all of them spread what?...Sensations!!...sensitivities!!!...sentiments!!...you know!!...what our politicians spread…religious-language-caste sensations…we know!!...it is not only the food habits or nil exercise habits, but also the negative culture created by media, politicians, fanatics and religious leaders which is mentally and socially stressful causes hypertension and cardio vascular diseases in addition to diabetes as they are always at their peak in negative, health compromising sensations/feelings/emotions.

So, what is to be done???...insulate yourself from all these negatives while you inspire and radiate positives through your positive physical-mental-social life styles to your children, relatives, people around at home, organizations and society!!!...you will become the nucleus of starting and spreading a new culture from inwards to outwards.

we can contribute to the country and people through positives...why should we also jump inside the dirty and murky gutter and spoil our life with negatives like frustration, anger, life style diseases watching tv news or discussion forums or all such negatives around us and people concerned with it and discussing about it...

rams

Dear Professors, Doctors, Doctorates, Scientists, Engineers, Research Fellows and all those highly educated people...some questions to you!!!

Dear Professors, Doctors, Doctorates, Scientists, Engineers, Research Fellows and all those highly educated people…

1. When you write a thesis or report you say that only proven facts to be written with citations and references and sentences which are not factual are not allowed. This is after all just for acquiring a qualification mostly to earn some increase in salary, acquire additional comforts, to differentiate you from others around, recognition, promotion, fame, and authority. But when it comes to your life, which is precious and only once, why do you base your life on unnatural, unproven, non factual beliefs and rituals related to religion, caste, race, languages?....No wonder you also live like any other uneducated person with respect to peace, health, contentment and happiness (four words). Can you ask and answer yourself if the education has helped you to get those four words and differentiate you from others with regard to these four words?

2. You tell your children and students to think, reason out, analyse, observe and study the constants and independent and dependent variables around them. You tell them not to follow blindly and to ask questions like why, how, when, why not, where, who etc. If not all these, I am sure you will agree with me, that we should at least apply common sense before following anything in life. But when it comes to your life, why did you accept all the beliefs and rituals from your parents and people around in the culture without asking questions, without thinking and without applying common sense?

3. Does all the above mean that you acquired all the knowledge, qualifications, skills and experience to sell yourself or earn money, to marry and run the family, to acquire wealth and living comforts and to be called an educated person (identity, image, respect, ego) and not a learned person?

4. Has your education and qualifications helped you to get those four words, inspire others to get those four, make people to remain united, made you to accept person of any religion and caste as equal and coexist with them, respect people of other religions and castes and live a life based on science which you eat, breathe and sleep with?

rams

AN IMPORTANT POST, LIFE CHANGING POST, FOR ALL!!

Dear all…THIS IS FOR STUDENTS AND PARENTS...IF YOU FEEL IT IS LONG THEN READ THE BOTTOM CRUX ONLY...IF YOU ARE NOT CONVINCED AFTER READING THE CRUX THEN READ THE ENTIRE POST...BUT THE HAPPINESS IN EATING CAKE DOES NOT LIE ONLY IN EATING THE PLUM ON TOP BUT EATING THE ENTIRE CAKE!!

We have a BODY and a MIND. Mind is formed from the activity of brain. So, brain is the important organ which controls our mind and body. All emotions and behaviours (any movement of our body parts and in general like habits, hobbies, passions etc also) emanate from cognition. I.e Thinking.

So, thinking is an important element of our life, day-to-day living, what we will do all day from morning to evening, in the night in dreams and what we talk with people, how we define our life and living, to what we give importance to in our lives and relationships etc.

Our indian culture is BODY based culture. I.e getting born, eating, playing, growing, attaining age, getting married, producing children, feeding them, making them to grow and earn, waiting for them to attain age, getting them married, waiting for them to produce children, growing the grand children and die one day.

So, we give more importance to body. The needs of the body. Also we make every one to be dependent on others for satiation of the body needs. As body needs are never ending (food, water, clothing, shelter, all types of COMFORTS, sex, hugging, kissing and other love or emotions or feelings related body needs) we are never happy, healthy, contented, craving and our life is only filled with spills of short lived pleasures. We think that dependence on others will generate love, whereas it only generates parasitic attachment due to feeling of insecurity and not love beyond the needs and expectations, which is required for the love to lost entire life and coexisted living together both at body and mind level.

Another issue in our culture is ‘life is based on five senses, that is why they give importance to only these five senses and say ‘aimpulangalaiyum adakki aala vendum!’…i.e control all your five senses. When our life and living is not based on the sixth sense, only based on the five senses of the body, the property of animals and animal living, then we will only live an animal life and how can we live a human life?

Ok, now coming to the point of this post….thinking results in emotions and behaviours…so, what we think matters the most in life and living. If we keep thinking about our body needs we will, and our life and living will remain at the body level only. We can not achieve anything big in life. This is the life of animals which live with limited senses. What we think in our brain makes it to drive the hormone systems also to secrete accordingly so that the organs functions accordingly. The body systems are also driven to function accordingly.

For e.g if we keep thinking about body needs which I listed above then the endocrine system producing hormones is also activated accordingly making the related organs to function more and therefore, you will always feel hungry, give importance to food, keep thinking all the time about good dresses, ornaments, spacious living, and all sorts of materialistic comforts in life which actually spoils your physical health and eventually the mental and social health, and you die faster without any contentment of life.

You will all the time keep thinking about sex, physical intimacy, look at girls and women as only ‘instruments of pleasure’, your gynaec system will get activated, and you will always be worried about your children indulging in sex and get anxiety struck ‘is she talking to him with an intention of falling in love?’ ‘is he interested in sex with her’ ‘is he or she interested in sex with me?’ ‘is he or she making approaches?’ ‘what are his or her intentions in this relationship?’ 'my husband has not kissed or hugged or sexed with me, which means he has extramarital relationships' (because your body based thinking tells that every one is craving for body needs and without it one can not live) etc.

This body based thinking culture therefore keeps you at a very low level in life, never allows you to grow, keep suspecting every one and the relationships, keeps you always craving and the related emotions like frustration, shouting, blaming, demanding, controlling, expecting etc which will never get fullfilled always and to our satisfaction levels.

We need to remember that WHAT WE ARE ANXIETY STRUCK ABOUT, WILL CERTAINLY HAPPEN!!

i.e if you are anxiety struck about losing the job you will certainly lose your job!...if you are anxiety struck about losing your wife or husband you will certainly lose your spouse!!...if you are anxiety struck about losing any wealth or person or relationship or item or property you possess, then you are sure to lose that!!!....this is because what we think emerges out as our our emotions and behaviours. Anxiety is a negative thinking and therefore it only produces negative emotions and negative behaviours and all these negatives will only produce the negative thing related to our negative thinking!!!...

for e.g a husband who is highly possessive, insecure and obsessive about his wife will fear that she will run away with some one, and therefore he will be anxiety struck, he will suspect all her thinking, emotions and behaviours, he will control her, he will impose conditions, he will cage her, she will feel imprisoned, no liberty even for basic needs and living, she will hate him, the love will go off, the home will become a hell, the husband will become a devil, each and every second she will die, and of course the husband too, he will become a psycho, he will not be able to perform in his job and lose it, and the wife will think that the life and living has become a hell and one day she will leave him…may or may not go with some one, but certainly she will leave him…so, what he was anxiety struck about that the wife should not leave him, will happen!!!...THEREFORE, WHAT WE ARE ANXIETY STRUCK ABOUT IS SURE TO HAPPEN!!!!!

But if we keep our life beyond the body and anchor it on the mind…the sixth sense…then our brain will think about Nature, the variables in life-nature-family-society-organisations-in our body-in our mind-economy and the list is endless. It will always think about finding reasons and solutions for the problems. It will always think about achievements. It will think about adventures. It will look for challenges in life. It will look for doing something good for the entire society and humanity at large. The person will eat, but not crave and be addictive, and eat for living healthy and to achieve the dreams, passions, aims etc. So, they will eat to live and not live to eat!!...they will dress up, but dress up for protecting the body from the climate and environment and project a decent image in the minds of others about them and not keep running behind the clothes as the back bone of day to day living.

They will have comforts at home but all of them will be focussed towards achieving the needs of the mind and sixth sense. They will not crave for anything of the body. Their hormone system is balanced and activates only those organs and systems related to their thinking of achieving their goals, passions, etc. …I.e mind related and not body related….

so, they will enjoy sex but will not crave, obsessive and addictive about it. They will see the girls and women as ‘intellects’ and not ‘instruments of pleasure’. They will see their brains and not their breasts and butts. They will see their mind, their passions, their achievement motives, their hobbies, respect them and mix their life with these personality traits of the girls. They will also establish a relationship with the girls and women at the mind level only and not at the body level. The will marry the passions, interests, hobbies, aims/goals and thereby the love beyond the body needs and expectations will blossom which will remain forever even if the breasts sag, butts crush, stomach wrinkles, curves vanish…because these things do not matter to them, as what matters to them is the MIND and not the body.

So, our mothers, who are born in the old culture, all the time think about the body of their sons and daughters, they think that they will get cheated at the body level, they will run behind the opposite sex for sex etc. Whereas in the present industrial society the children are more anchored on sixth sense and not sexth sense!!...they are achievement and adventure oriented…so their brain all the time thinks about these…so, the hormone system also functions to drive more adrenaline and such other secretions…and not the gynaec system or related hormones…so, if parents marry them off to live our body based culture of first night, sex, producing children etc they are not comfortable with it and feel ‘why the hell I got married?...my freedom has gone!!...Is this what I am borne for?...i have got an animal in my life!!...if he wants sex can go to a call girl or brothel and satisfy his needs and why the hell he married me and why the hell my parents made me to live a brothel life for a guy??....of course, if the girl or boy also have based their life on body like their parents, then they will also live the animal life only and be happy with, craving, fighting, not satisfied etc.

So, the crux is….

1. Base the life and living on the mind and sixth sense. The body needs will automatically be taken care off as the needs are less and you will get everything to satisfy your body needs and will live a happy, healthy, peaceful, successful life with contentment.

2. What we think in our brain, makes the hormone system also to get activated and function accordingly, only related organs will be activated to function more, and all other organs will function stable and normal. If we keep all the time thinking about love, sex and such other body related needs, feelings and emotions, then only such hormones and systems like gynaec system will get activated and all our behaviours and thinking will also be related to sex, body needs etc only, making us to crave and be like hungry animals and get anxiety struck about the people in our lives based on the body needs like sex etc. If we think about mind needs of achieving goals, passions, adventure, hobbies etc then related hormones will be produced and related systems and organs will be activated and all other systems will be stable and normal, leading to no craving of body needs.

3. So, do not expect high levels of satiation of body needs and varieties from a person who is living at the mind level needs. If a person has anchored his or her life based on our traditional culture of body, then they should marry a person who has also anchored the life on body, so that there is some matching, both will crave, both will depend on other person for needs, fight, demand, control and live the usual peaceless, unhealthy, unhappy, pleasure-spilled life without contentment and show off as a nice compatible couple and live their life off. But if a person has anchored the life on sixth sense, mind needs then he or she should marry a person of the same kind so that they live a matching, satisfying, peaceful, happy, healthy and contented life. So, body should marry a body. Mind should marry a mind. If a body marries a mind, then there is no peace. If a mind marries a body then also no peace.

4. Do not suspect your children or anxiety struck that they will go haywire for sex and related stuff if the have anchored their life on mind needs. In fact most of the parents kill themselves and the peace and happiness of their children suspecting, being anxiety struck etc.

5. Any person or family or society or country which has based the culture, life and living on BODY, WEALTH AND MONEY can never prosper in life and have peace, happiness, good health, contentment and self actualization. If they have based it on MIND then that person or family or society or country will prosper and achieve all that i have listed above.

peacefully yours...rams...health psychologist....

how is it to define our life as a 'journey of learning?'

dear all....when we define our life to be 'a journey of learning...unlimited, wild and wide learning of all subjects' then we go to the outer space inside us!!

that is when we dig ourselves inside, we keep going going and going, unlimited, similar to the unlimited outer space!!

rams

is it difficult to be YOURSELF and live YOUR life???

dear all...below one is very true...but it is not difficult...from childhood i have been like this...i just tell everyone from parents to sisters to wife to children to alllll...'I LOVE YOU, I LOOK AFTER YOU, TELL ME WHAT YOU NEED FROM ME, BUT I WILL LIVE MY LIFE, IF YOU WANT TO KNOW THAT, SEE ME, OBSERVE ME, WHAT I THINK, WHAT I DO AND MY EMOTIONS, YOU WILL UNDERSTAND!!'...DON'T MEASURE ME, FORM AN IMAGE ABOUT ME, FORM YOUR OPINIONS ABOUT ME, USING YOUR TOOL...JUST OBSERVE ME!!....AND BELIEVE ME, NO ONE INTERFERES IN MY LIFE!!...BECAUSE THEY SEE THE TRUTH IN IT AND WANT ME IN THEIR LIFE!!...RAMS....

nothing matters on this earth...other than YOU...YOU, are the most important person in this world and on this earth!!

dear all...my friend says 'I recall a hoarding I saw in Dubai, UAE. It says, what makes a great country ? YouAE.'....yessssssss....what makes a country, what makes the world, what makes the earth is YOU AND ALL THE LIVING AND NONLIVING AROUND...NOT THE SOCIAL SYSTEMS WE HAVE CREATED...THEY ARE THE BIGGEST ENEMIES TO OUR LIFE, COUNTRY, WORLD, EARTH......RELIGIONS, CASTE, RACE, GODS AND YOU KNOW THE REMAINING!!

YOU ARE THE NUCLEUS OF EVERYTHING...AND IF YOU ARE HEALTHY, HAPPY, PEACEFUL, CONTENTED, DEFINE YOUR LIFE AS A 'JOURNEY OF LEARNING, ENJOY (with out destroying it) THE UNLIMITED NATURE AROUND, VAST WISDOM' then the entire world and earth will be BEAUTIFUL AND PLEASANT!!.....

rams

is there anything called BAD???...of course, other than those proven by science e.g poison...!!!

dear all...

it is all in the perception....i.e BAD is a perception... if we accept life as it is...destiny as it is...without resisting...then we will not perceive anything as bad...we will only perceive them as lessons and 'developmental tasks' created by nature to make us strong, resilient, powerful etc...unless there is a challenge, we will never grow, mature, develop etc...we perceive challenges as bad...it could be people, life situations, items, etc....some times when we perceive like this things which appeared or suspected to be bad initially turn out to be good at the end or later..….so all in perceptions…

rams

every one says control...control...controlllllllllllllllll!!...should we control????...is this right???

dear all...every one says control...control...controlllllllllllllllll!!

Control is a bad, negative word...only when there is an urge, we have to control...when we make our selves free of urges, i.e stable body and mind, then there is no need to control...and in the domain of sixth sense, which human beings only possess, there is no need of control and there is only unlimited freedom of wisdom!!...control only gives stress to the body and mind...in tamil they say 'aimpulangalaiyum adakki aala vendum' meaning 'control all your five senses!'...this is totally wrong!!!!!!!!!!!!...our culture is a 'stimulating' culture...so, no wonder they said like that!!....as i said only when we stimulate our body and mind with pleasure related food, thoughts, vision, touch, hearing, smell etc then we need to control...control puts us off the track from our chores, focus etc....so liberate yourself from the controls to enjoy the happiness and peace!!.

...rams....

who are we?...how nature has produced us??

yes...by Nature, we are produced with LOVE...because without love there can be no creation or procreation!!...without love there can be no rearing or grooming!!...without love there can be no development and maturing of a human being!!...with out these there can be no life and living!!...so, without love there can be no life and living!!...so, we are made of love, our life is love, our living is love...love is the back bone of everything in this world and on earth!!...love is positive perceptions about people, the remaining Nature around, relationships and all that is left over in living and non living!!....HATE is a learnt behaviour...we have learnt it from people and our culture around....let us unlearn this bad thing and go back to our natural selves.....rams....

who am i???...and who should we be???

for me too....but we search in the unlimited outer space inside us!!

rams...

what should be the basis of our life?

dear all...

'don't base your life on pleasure which is short lived and has the tendency of craving which does not give peace and contentment, the basics of life!...base it on peace so that your life is filled with lots of happiness and contentment which do not have the craving tendency'

rams

what should be the goals of our life???

dear all...the goal of life should be 'what i can do for the humanity through acquiring of unlimited wisdom?'..with this everything will fall in place...our life, our marriage, our profession, our relationships with others, our day to day living, wealth, health, money evvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvverything....so, have this as the goal in your life....

because when you want to have unlimited wisdom you will widely and wildly read all subjects and information....you will research and go deeeeeep inside all knowledge....you will think....you will transform and get a good variety of learning experience...and change...mature and evolve....all these will give academic qualifications to you with great knowledge, skill and experience....all jobs have these only....so you will get a good job, lots of wealth, promotions, fame, money etc, but as your goal is not earning all these, but beyond all these, you will not lose your peace,no craving, you will have only longing for unlimited wisdom, you will grow, mature....you will become a scientist (because you research!!), you will become a professor (because you teach!!), you will reach a good position in your profession, if not the high or highest (because you are genuine, matured, evolved, developed, transforemed!!)...

when both the lovers and spouses and friends have this as the common goal, which does not have craving and dependence, then their relationships become great, growing, with abundance of love etc....

obviously our living will be peaceful, happy, contented, self actualised, successful, healthy etc....

our life will become great, memorable, inspiring for others and forever....!!

so...so...so....so...set this as your life goal!!

rams......

sir...i am unable to trust any person on this earth!!

dear all....love all...be a source of love and love and only love...no lust...when you love all, there is no need to trust ONE person!!

rams

Is it required to praise some one, including god?

dear all...i think we can remove the words 'praising' 'flattery' etc from dictionary...as it means describing some person beyond the truth...'Praise the Lord!'...why should any one, whether god or human being, to be praised???...totally wrong practice left by the predecessors/forefathers!!...

Gods need not be motivated or praised!!!...we need to drive this into our minds!!....they are not human beings!!...moment we give a human form to God, all this crap will enter our mind!!...

'motivation' is the word for human beings, describing their positive thinking, emotions and behaviours so that they are encouraged for living, better performance, treating others also like human beings etc...

rams

"sir, my lover/spouse does not have INTENSE AND STRONG FEELINGS towards me, Does he/she love me or not??'

dear all…this post is for ALL LOVERS AND SPOUSES…AN IMPORTANT POST...WHICH CAN CLEAR ONE MOST IMPORTANT DOUBT THEY HAVE ABOUT THEIR LOVER OR SPOUSE...

the common problem which all lovers and spouses, especially girls, report is that their partner does not show INTENSE FEELINGS in their thinking, emotions and behaviours towards them and the relationship…

so, this gives a suspicion to them whether their lover or spouse really loves them or not?…if yes, then how much of love they have towards them?…love can not be measured…so, they atleast want to know how much of priority they attach to them and the relationship between them?…

This puts them in anxiety, tension, fear etc. The suspicion affects their life in all dimensions at home, office and in society. They undergo all types of negative emotions and feel drained, lonely etc.

SO, WHETHER THE GUY OR GIRL LOVES THEM OR NOT, IF YES, HOW MUCH OF PRIORITY THEY GIVE FOR THEM?...

this is the common and most important issue that is bothering most of t he lovers and spouses.

It is easy to say never measure and think about these things and just live, but the brain keeps doing this…may be this can be due to feeling of insecurity or weak mind or improper neurotransmitter secretions etc…could be any reason and many reasons!!!....several things can be written as the causes and effects of this…but the aim of this post is to discuss about one aspect of this issue…

We have a body and mind. Both have needs. To satisfy these needs we make some expectations from others. The correct thing is we should be able to satisfy all these needs by ourselves or at least the dependence on others should be reduced as much as possible…NIL is the ideal state!!

The needs related to body can be called as lust and produce craving, which is never ending and life long, so never we can feel contentment and peace. Generally these needs with expectations from others PRODUCE INTENSE FEELINGS.

The needs related to the mind (only) can be called in generic terms as love and it only produces longing. It generally DOES NOT PRODUCE INTENSE FEELINGS.

So, if the lover or spouse has less or no body need satiation through you, then he may not experience intense feelings towards you and in the relationship. This can be considered as good or bad depending upon your needs from him/her.

If you are constantly measuring, evaluating and anxiety struck, it shows that you have some needs satiation and expectations related to your body through him/her.

If you can reduce the needs through life style/behaviour modificiations or manage the needs by yourself then you can come out of this rut, keep your life peaceful and the relationship good.

In general if the other person has less needs and expectations from you, especially the lust needs of the body, and still loves you, then it is the best form of love. But if you have body or lust needs from him/her or feel emotionally insecure in life and feel that your emotional security needs can be met only through him/her, then you may not acknowledge this fact, you will be frustrated, demanding, controlling, shouting, sad etc.

Even if he has body needs but empathetically appreciates the issue and understands that the satiation can not take place through you and reduces or moderates his/her needs and manages through internal body and mind resources and still loves you, then I think, it is the best form of love.

If you evaluate him/her as not loving or less loving using your wrong tool of measurement then it is your mistake.

Looking for ‘intense feelings’ is due to your body needs and not due to his lack of love.

So, the crux is…

1. Body needs produce cravings and intense feelings

2. Mind needs generally do not produce intense feelings

3. If both body and mind needs are present then intense feelings will be there

4. If both have body needs and cravings, then both are likely to experience intense feelings, and if the oppurtunity for satiation exists then some solace canbe there. But as it has the craving property, the pleasures and calmness sensed is only momentary and short lived. If the oppurtunity of satiation does not exist then reducing the urges through life style changes and behaviour modification is the only solution. Fantasies can help to get on with the living the day to day life, but can not solve the problem in life, till the aging process or diseases automatically reduces the body needs and intense feelings.

5. Looking for ‘intense feelings’ is due to your body needs and not due to his lack of love.

6. Loving some one beyond the body and mind needs is the best form of love. So, if the person does not have intense feelings, and still loves you, then it is best form of love.

7. If a person does not have intense feelings, body needs, towards you, but has these feelings towards some one else, but still loves you a lot without any needs or expectations from you, then also it is the best form of love. So, throw away your wrong tool!!

peacefully yours...rams...health psychologist...

importance of a hug, kiss and the words of confidence at least once in a day!!

Dear all...every human being from birth to death, irrespective of age, needs a hug, kiss and words of love and affection every day at least once!...i.e 'I am there with you!! Don't worry!!'...this can simply make them to get the confidence to rule the world!!...but lack of this can ruin their day to day living and life.

All children create their own fantasy world with their loving characters, things, and what not and feel happy in that!!...but while growing it appears that some people missed that. And they suffer without love and affection.

Fantasies do help to get on with the living the days and nights, if not with the life!!...also there are many people like you who need it...so, it is better to look for such people and share the love and affection...best are the children who do not have parents or deserted by their parents....!!!

rams

when you love a person in the true sense, beyond the needs of body and mind, you never get bored forever entire life time....from Thirukkural....

dear all...read this today...from thirukkural...the famous tamil book written by the great saint and poet Thiruvalluvar...

He says we are always in a state of 'not knowing' (ariyaamai) and once we know about something, we get excited, of knowing something new, and we feel 'wofff...how come i did not know about this!!' and we try to know more and more about the issue....and we feel happy...and after experiencing that happiness we again go back to the state of not knowing as the knowledge becomes old and it no more gives the excitement, pleasure, happiness etc....and moment we come to know something new again we get excited, remain in that state for some time, again lose the happiness and excitement and go in to the state of 'not knowing'...the cycle continues throughout the life...

he says the same way once we love some one we get excited because of the pleasure associated happiness we get, knowing someone new, the relationship, the social dynamics etc...after some time we are likely to go to the state of 'not knowing'...i.e a state of 'no more excitement and pleasure'...but once we love that some one we can open a new page of the person and learn new things and enjoy new pleasures...explore new domains of pleasures and go to new levels of happiness...it can go endlessly throughout our life...provided...provided...provided...WE LOVE THAT PERSON IN REAL SENSE...BEYOND THE NEEDS OF THE BODY AND MIND...which can further flow down to body and mind...where the two people find several domains and levels and states of pleasures too in their love...so, first the love has to start beyond the needs of the body and mind...and then it can percolate (not COME DOWN) to the body and mind...so that it remains for ever...

only in love, nothing is boring!

lovers can always find something interesting to do if things get boring!

they can always take up a new interest together etc. etc.!

love is the miracle that can give this!!...

நாம் புதியதாய் ஒன்றை படித்து அறிந்து கொள்ளும் போது நமக்கு ஒரு சந்தோஷம் வரும் தானே?

"அட, இதை இத்தனை நாள் அறியாமல் போனோமே" என்று தோன்றும்.

தெரிந்த பின், ஒரு சந்தோஷம் தோன்றும். மேலும் மேலும் அந்த விஷயத்தை பற்றி அறிந்து கொள்ள தோன்றும்.

அது போல, இந்த பெண்ணுடன் பழகும் ஒவ்வொரு நாளும் புதியதாய் இருக்கிறது.

அந்த சிணுங்கல், அந்த வெட்கம், அந்த கனிவு, பரிவு, பாசம், என்று ஒவ்வொரு நாளும் ஏதோ ஒன்று புதியதாய் இருக்கிறது.

ஒரு விஷயத்தை படித்து அறிந்தவுடன் , அந்த விஷயம் நமக்கு பழையதாகிப் போகிறது.

அதில் உள்ள சுவாரசியம் குறைந்து விடுகிறது.

ஆனால், நம் அறியாமை மட்டும் அப்படியே இருக்கிறது.

அது மேலும் மேலும் புதிய விஷயங்களை அறிந்து கொள்ள தூண்டிக் கொண்டே இருக்கிறது.

அறிய அறிய நம் அறியாமை புதிது புதிதாக தோன்றுவதைப் போல, இந்த பெண்ணோடு பழகும் போது ஒவ்வொரு தடவையும்

ஏதோ புதியதாய் தோன்றி கொண்டே இருக்கிறது.

--------------------------------------------------------------

அறிதோறும் அறியாமை கண்டற்றால் காமம்

செறிதோறும் சேயிழை மாட்டு.--------------------------------------------------------------

அறிதோறும் = ஒவ்வொரு முறை அறியும் போதும்

அறியாமை கண்டற்றால் = எப்படி நம் அறியாமையை எப்படி புதியதாய் அறிந்து கொள்கிறோமோ

காமம் = காதல் (அவள் மேல் கொண்ட )

செறிதோறும் = ஒவ்வொருமுறை அவளோடு சேரும் போதும்

சேயிழை மாட்டு. = சிறந்த அணிகலன்களை அணிந்த அவளோடு சேரும் போதும் அப்படியே தோன்றுகிறது

rams