Dear all...One Question....One Answer...IMPORTANT FOR ALL STUDENTS AND PARENTS...
A girl belonging to the 'High Intelligence' group from an elite engg college called up and asked the following question. She is from CBSE English medium background and therefore, though by looks she is weak and dark, she is too good in English fluency, other language skills and confidence levels.
'Sir, I am from a village, poor economical and academic back ground. But i got admission through merit and therefore hardly any money is being spent for my education.I am in the final year.My parents want me to go back to the nearest small town to my village, pick up a govt job, get married and live there with them.
But i have been assessed as a potential student to get a good MNC placement. In personality also i am an extrovert, i like being in association with all budding achievers who are passionate in their field of interest. I am also passionate about my education, career, places of learning-fun-entertainment and being an achiever.
I am always bubbly-bubbly and would like to be surrounded by friends. I like talking to boys and i have lots of boys as friends. We talk everything under the sky including love and sex. Anyway, it does mean we indulge in it.
I would like to study and work all around the world, travel a lot and meet all kinds of people.
I can't be that traditional wife that my parents want me to be, getting married to one guy, and being a house maid doing cooking, cleaning, washing, working in a small way to earn some money, attending marriages and funerals, producing children and rearing them, not talking to other guys, being isolated away from social networks etc and remaining locked inside the house physically, mentally and socially. ('ithellaam namakku set aavaathu sir!')
I don't know what to do sir!!!
Ans:
Any traditional parent reading the above will say 'She was a student all this while. So, she was like this. Now she has to become a wife in our society and culture. This sort of thinking (!!) and behaviour will not work out. She has to change, confine to the frameworks of our culture to be a good girl, daughter and wife, so that she can get married and live a happy and peaceful life'
But the truth is our personality traits get formed from childhood, as we grow, through.....1. the heredity and other innate behaviours that emerge from genes as our body grows....2. the life challenges we come across and how we tackle them which give us lots of learning experience changing our pattern of thinking and behaviours every day....3. the effect of interaction between these two. All these three make up what we mature to be and evolve to be....i.e our personality attributes.
There is nothing wrong in the personality traits of the girl and she is well in tune with the requirements of now and later to live with the changes in the society.
No sane girl who has grown up in the present day knowledge explosion, oppurtunities to explore, grow multi-skilled and evolve into a potential and capable Human Resource of value to any organisation can live like a traditional wife in a combined or nuclear family. No way!!
In fact most of the girls of today are like this girl in the discussion. Most of the girls from villages, nearby towns and middle class families of (metro) cities are still traditional, not changed with the changes outside. Very few minority only have kept up in pace with the changes.
Today, It is not possible to groom the girls in a traditional way as simple house maids or 'working-house maids' without education and keeping them away from the explosion and accessibility of knowledge and skills that is taking place all around. So, parents, culture, society, and the concept of marriage and family have to change. Else such girls will get guillotined and parents can not live in peace!!
Ans: 'Hai girl(s). You are absolutely fine, fabulous and rocking. Nothing wrong with you. Go ahead with your passion and goals in life. Your parents are like the other cocooned and conditioned, rigid, TV serial parents groomed and sensitised by our local culture, politicians and religious leaders. You will always find many 50+ aged parents who live in rat holes and think like this.
For the time being you say 'daddy daddy, yes paappa!' and complete your course. Don't show any signs of rebellion. But tell firmly that all will be discussed after completion of the course. Keep telling them everyday without fail that you love them the most and will look after them nicely.
You get a good job, learn more, travel within and outside the country, expose your parents too to these places, talk to them in many siting. Once they are exposed, they will change.
Remember, all such Indian parents.....
1. live in fear psychosis.
2. want money and wealth from children to improve their comforts, image and status in their community and society.
3. want emotional support from children.
Once you make good money and wealth, make all their dreams come true and expose them to the changes in the society, country and world around then they will gain confidence in you and agree with your proposals. Once you become powerful and authoritative like Collector (IAS), Police Commissioner (IPS) etc they will feel secured under your wings, forget all the differences of religion and caste, boast every where saying 'My daughter is an IPS!!' 'My daughter in law is an IAS!', your love will succeed, every one will fall under your feet (the way they fall under the feet of 'Amma' in tamil nadu!!), your parents will adore you and you will be the Queen on the Throne!!
So, all girlsssssssssssssss.....Get, Set and Go!!
Peacefully yours....Rams...Health Psychologist.
