Most important thing any human being should know...

Dear all...THIS IS FOR ALL...ESPECIALLY THE MOTHERS...

Without WOMEN no peace or happiness or health or home or family or society or village or town or city or country or continent or world is possible!!

So, knowing how to adapt and live with them is the basic education required for life on earth. Unconditional caring for their body, mind and social relationships and supporting their dreams, passion, goals, aims, desires, ambitions, aspirations etc is Love.

When this is done, they reciprocate the same!!

Mothers need to teach this to their children as the First Lesson in this World!!!

Then most of the relationship issues are solved on earth!!!!

Peacefully yours…Rams…Psychologist!!

THIS IS FOR ALL PARENTS...A MUST READ...

Dear all...THIS IS FOR ALL PARENTS...A MUST READ...

Good parenting is…….”To create a social environment at home wherein the child feels freedom to express and discuss anything under the sky with the parents without any shyness...inhibitions...fear...guilt...discomfort...with lots of love and confidence that the parents only mentor...guide...by themselves or through experts...The child perceives the parents as the Role Model…The Soul Mates….The child feel that they only explain the complete environment with all the factors...and allow the child to take the decisions and be responsible and accountable for the outcomes and take pride in deciding the destiny!!!”

If this is not done then the child is likely to perceive others in the outside world as his or her Role Model and has the chance of spoiling the life. The child is likely to learn about everything from outsiders who may not give the right knowledge, wisdom and guidance. The child might search for Soul Mates in the outside world and there are enough of them eagerly waiting to misguide, cheat, exploit, use and throw the child in the gutter!!

So, let us not preach to children, let us be good Role Models and Soul Mates by being one of what we preach!!

Peacefully yours…Rams…Psychologist!!

'sir, i am having conflicts in my mind. I am not peaceful. Please help me!'

Dear all...THIS IS FOR ALL...ALL OF US HAVE SUCH ISSUES IN OUR MIND AND SUFFER...

Qn. Sir, What is Cognitive Dissonance?...Please explain it with an example.

Ans:

I will give the example first and explain it later, so that you will understand easily.

Because understanding the Theories of Psychology is a bit difficult.

Assume you believe that…… 'We should not eat non-veg because killing animals is wrong, as they experience pain during killing. By eating animals you get bad karma and will get punished by God'.

But you also have experienced and are convinced that 'Fish is very good for health and it is very tasty too!' and you are addicted to eating fish.

In this condition you have two contradicting strong beliefs.
You are also scared that you are doing something wrong and god will punish you. So, you don't go to temple or to Pooja room in your house. This also you don't like as you want to do Pooja every day and want to worship god. You don't like this condition of remaining away from god and you feel that god will punish you for this also!!.... So, you experience stress in your mind. You experience discomfort. It is painful. You are unable to live peacefully.

And you come to me for help saying 'please help me, i am unable to live!'...

And i tell you……. 'Please eat fish. What you are doing is perfectly right. Even God has told that he has created everything in this world for us to eat and enjoy and most of the people in this world are non-vegetarians. God does not punish them. Even doctors prescribe fish for weak people and for certain diseases. Fish has lots of good protein. You are not killing the fish. Only the fisher man is killing the fish, so he will only get the bad karma and get punished by god and not you. You are eating only a dead fish. So, you are not killing a fish and by eating the dead fish the fish does not get any pain. So, don't worry. You are not at fault. You are perfectly doing the right thing for your good health. So, eat fishes and nothing wrong in it!!'......

On hearing this you will get relieved from all your conflicts and fears. Your mind will tell….. 'Oh...God himself has said that i can eat anything and he has created everything for me only to eat and enjoy. And only the fisher man will get punished and not me!'...So, you go back happily praising me, thanking me etc.
Now the theory….

When we have contradicting beliefs, we get stressed. We want to adjust our beliefs and convictions...restructure them in our mind...so that we come out of the stress and live a peaceful life. This can happen at the cognitive level or behavioural level or both. In the above i have changed and made the person to adjust his beliefs so that the stress is relieved. This stressful condition is called cognitive dissonance.

There are nearly about several hundreds of mental disorders. We call them disorders because they are stressful and affect our day to day living.

DSM V lists all the disorders and they have ICD codes too.
All human beings exhibit only cognition, affect and behavioural components in life and all their problems are due to these three domains only...and we correct by adjusting these three domains!!😂

If these three have caused biological change in the body or brain, then only medication is required by going to Psychiatrist. Otherwise, a psychologist is enough.

(By the above example I am not promoting killing of living organisms (plants and animals) or non-vegetarianism. We are part of Nature, and are supposed to eat only for survival (not for pleasure), like the way all organisms do. For this it is enough to eat only those rejected by the plants in their natural form or through healthy cooking. E.g. fruits and seeds (grains).

In this case we are not killing or causing harm to any plant life or animal life and are physically and mentally healthy too. The biggest problem is we have tasted many pleasurable unhealthy foods or preparations that we are not able to live without them. This is similar to infants who reject mother’s milk or other healthy foods after tasting a soft drink or other foods of pleasure!!...)

In the above counselling we have made the person stress free and made him to listen to the counsellor. He is happy. Now he will listen to the counsellor because he believes that whatever he suggests will be good for his life. So, slowly and steadily he can be brought out of the non-vegetarianism too by Cognitive and Behaviour Therapies so that he lives a healthy life.

Peacefully yours…Rams…Psychologist!!

THIS IS FOR ALL CHILDREN WHO LOVE THEIR MOTHER AND CELEBRATE MOTHERS' DAY!!

Dear all...THIS IS FOR ALL CHILDREN WHO LOVE THEIR MOTHER AND CELEBRATE MOTHERS' DAY!!

So....you love your mother, right?

Ok...then...relieve her today from the drudgery of cooking, washing the clothes, cleaning the floor, bath room, toilets and surroundings, cleaning the utensils and house keeping!!...She has been doing all these for decades and really really tired!!...Let her take rest today!!

So, you share her burden today, let her take rest and make her feel good that her children can live on their own, do things on their own, they are responsible, they can take care of the home in her absence, they can make families and look after them and be reassured that she will be taken care off when she becomes old and unable to perform her duties.

Peacefully yours...Rams...Psychologist!!

Sir, what do you say about ‘Friends with Benefits’?

Qn. Sir, what do you say about ‘Friends with Benefits’?

Ans:  This is a new relationship that has been invented by the youngsters of today. It means ‘There is no commitment in this relationship. Anyone can peel off from the relationship anytime without even intimating the other person or with or without the consent of the other person. There are no emotions between the individuals. It is only mutual understanding, accepting and sharing of each other’s needs whenever it is comfortable for both’.

Now, the answer for the question…The short answer is below. The long answer is below that.

The natural POSSESSIVENSS and OBSESSIVE characteristics of human beings will not allow them to be in good mental health in this relationship...so, 'friendship with benefits' of body needs will not give good mental health!!...It might appear to be good due to the ‘feeling of goodness’ it gives till one lands up with the possessiveness and obsessions!!...Thereafter it will only be guilt, pain, downfall, depression, spoiled mental health, crimes etc etc in life!!

The long answer is…We don’t know who we are with respect to handling of our emotions or feelings, obsessions and possessiveness. We don’t know our stability on these issues. We don’t know when we will slip or when we will remain stable and confident.

After all these are variables in one’s life and keeps changing depending upon our age, stage in life, life experiences, challenges, ability to face or accept perceived failures, our ability to face them, our body needs, mind needs, socialisation needs, state of hormones and neurotransmitter secretions, Emotional Quotient, Spiritual Quotient etc. All these are interdependent functions each influencing the other.

After all, the various secretions, chemical reactions, biological, physical and chemical changes that occur in our systems and brain only get converted into our thoughts, feelings and behaviours!!

Of course, all these can be kept stable by our food, life style, habits, culture and various other things like beliefs, constitution, definition, meaning, purpose, passion, aim or goal of life etc.

The present race to excel in comparison with others around, at school, college, organisations, societies leading to spoiled sleep, rest, food cycles, unhealthy entertainments, health compromising beliefs-definitions of life-living, stresses in body-mind and relationships etc  is what is pushing the girls and boys towards such unstable health compromising relationships.

Wake up every one!!

Peacefully yours…Rams…Psychologist!!