'Sir, my lover loves me toooooooo much that i am unable to bear that pain!!...Please help me and save me!!'

Dear all....some one reading the posts below about LOVE might feel various things....there are different levels of Love...

when a lover boy says 'I love you toooooooooooo much maa. You are my world. You are my world. You are my breath...and i can't imagine my life without you!', the girl feels toooooooooooo happy and feels she can die and take birth to hear those words again and again. The end result the day is made for both the people!!

Some times the same Too-much-of-love can become painful too....

for e.g when some one feels Obsessive Love (i.e only one person appears to be the ultimate beauty on earth by appearance and personality traits, 'every one says 'not beautiful' but for the obsessed the other person appears the ultimate-beauty, all the time thinking about that person only without doing anything in life and living), , then it becomes a pain for both the people....while the loved feels great initially and miserable later, the lover feels anxiety struck, insecure, possessive, suspicious...all these lead to too much of crying, begging the partner, feeling sorry, feeling guilty, unable to concentrate on anything, leaving the job, not able to do the daily chores in personal life-office-society, spoiled family life, spoiled relationships, feeling loneliness, orders-demands-controls-expectations, torturing, extremes of both positive and negative emotions, destructive behaviours, experience painful-pleasures and can finally lead to suicides too...the list is long!!

The loved also feels pity, freedom-lost, life is miserable, unable to even laugh, depressive, unable to concentrate in anything etc....The list is real big!!

So, too much love is also not good.

Then how much of love is correct??

It again varies from person to person.

So, the right level is...

The level in which both the people feel peaceful, good physical-mental and social well-being, happiness (not pleasure), freedom of life and living, contentment, fulfillment in life, self actualisation and self transcending.

So, all those who are in love can check out if they are in this domain and allowing the other person also in their same domain. If any one does not feel the above, then there is a problem in that love. It is not a correct love or level of love. Both need to sit together and talk it out to ensure both get the above.

But unable to chalk out the coping skills or find anyway to come out of obsession, then multiple interventions with medicine, counselling, change of place-climate and environment and other therapies like yoga, meditation etc will help....

Keep rocking....

Rams....Health Psychologist.

PART II OF MY POST ON....You feel you are in Love?...You feel you need love?....You feel some one is loving you?....then read this post....

Dear all...here is PART II OF MY PREVIOUS POST ON .....'LIKE' 'LOVE' 'LUST'....

A person in search of love will not be happy with ‘like’ or ‘lust’. That soul will be in the continuous journey throughout its life of searing for that true or divine or devotee kind of love free from lust, wants, needs, expectations, controls, demands etc. Whether that person will get or not?...The biggest challenge is knowledge and awareness of people about all these three words, importance of people and relationships in good physical-mental-social well-being (good health) and their wrong understanding that money and wealth are important for the good health and thereby losing peace and contentment in life.

The biggest problem and challenge in the emotional life of human beings is that they expect abundant and life-long unconditional love from only one person whom they love or obsessed with, and who does not love them, while the entire world is ready to love them. They are always and their entire life behind that one person with crying, begging or serving/sacrificing for that one person for one word, LOVE!!...The end result is that they feel lonely while they are amidst a loving crowd of a world of people!!

Of course, love and physical intimacies emanating out of love are the life line of life and living. A person without this cannot live long on this earth with good physical, mental and social health.

Most of our people live a life and relationship of ‘COMMITMENT’ in family life…e.g in a spouse relationship one looks after the well-being of the other not out of love, but out of social commitment or personal commitment or personal insecurities to look after the other person, with partial love, required to carry out that social responsibility emanating out of the social status of ‘husband’ ‘wife’ etc and we define it wrongly as love as we don’t know the real definition of love and the ocean of knowledge around this one four letter word.

Those people whose brain is healthy, stable and perceives complete emotional security, whose growth and development is well groomed with adequate love and affection and developmental skills and challenges will not be able to feel the feelings of a love seeker. The thinking, emotions, behaviours and all activities of the love seeker will be perceived as weird, unique, unrealistic, incorrect and wrong by the above group of people. Therefore, adequate love and affection, correct grooming technique etc are essential during the initial development of an individual.

Keep rocking....Rams....Health Psychologist....

You feel you are in Love?...You feel you need love?....You feel some one is loving you?....then read this post....

Dear all….THIS IS USEFUL FOR STUDENTS BETWEEN THE AGE GROUP OF 13 TO 25 WHO MAKE LOTS OF SOCIALISATION, FALL IN LOVE, END UP IN BREAK-UPS, SUFFER EMOTIONALLY….AND OF COURSE ‘PARENTS’ TOO…AIM OF THIS POST IS TO MAKE THEM UNDERSTAND THE THREE WORDS ‘LIKE’ ‘LUST’ ‘LOVE’ AND KEEP THEM PEACEFUL, HAPPY AND HEALTHY IN THEIR SOCIALISATION.

All of us are born in a family where we ‘like’ or ‘love’ people. As we grow we interact with our relatives, people in society, school, college, work place, people around and people all over the world though internet. With many people we develop one or combinations of ‘like’, ‘love’, ‘lust’.

Any relationship is formed when two people meet and their minds meet. If they are far apart, depending on the needs, wants and expectations, and the levels in each, the relationship will be filled with happiness, peace and contentment or the opposites.

Physical proximity, face-to-face-eye-to-eye contact requirements in performing their official functions, oppurtunity to meet and interact as a part of their job description/organisation structure, levels/oppurtunities/time period (how long and how many days/weeks/months/years) of emotional interaction, levels and quantum of help and caring requirements in-grilled in the job design, or the understanding between each other on job and in personal interactions, the emotional-physical-mental-official-personal-financial-legal and social need levels of the two people concerned, matching of religion-language-caste-region-culture, impact of physical appearance of one on the other, how much social interaction they have outside the office and at family levels, common interests etc decide whether they will ‘like’ or ‘love’ or ‘lust’ each other.

‘Like’ has no physical or mental or fantasy intimacy. It has everything about attraction between two people including emotions. Prolonged periods of ‘Like’ leads an ‘acquaintance’ to a ‘relationship’ where ‘help’ is possible.

‘Lust’ is all about physical intimacy related to body needs. It could be from anything to anything. For satiation of lust needs two people need to have some level of intimacy and proximity physically and mentally. Therefore, lust needs can make people exhibit ‘love’ and ‘like’ behaviours. These behaviours can remain till the person is satisfied and the need levels change due to changes in the body and mind. It could be anywhere between one day to till the gynaec system stops functioning. Lust has the element of ‘craving’ and it aims at achieving the body needs at any cost without thinking about the consequences. It switches off the reality thinking part of cognition. It brings in all sorts of negative thinking, negative emotions and negative behaviours. Lust is related to the physical appearance of the individual and the mental condition of the luster (if the state of mind is bad then even a person who is not beautiful in appearance can arouse the luster). Lust behaviours are not possible without the presence of arousal value on both the bodies concerned.

‘Love’ is related to ‘caring’ which is different from ‘help’. ‘help’ has no emotions, limited priorities, limited levels and in only specified activities. ‘Help’ is present in ‘like’. ‘Caring’ is beyond ‘self’, unlimited and it involves ‘love’. Love involves limited physical intimacy e.g. mother, siblings and father. Love has lots of emotional involvement. Love need not have lust element. Love has caring beyond the comfort zones of individuals. Love involves lots of compromises and sacrifices. Love is sharing. Love needs understanding, acceptance of individuals as they are, high levels of adaptability, maturity, according priority, importance etc for each other. There can be no love without emotional relationship. Love does not see ‘self’ before the life of other person. It is ‘love’ before ‘self’. It is ‘lover’ before ‘self’. But all these are not one-sided but both sides and reciprocative. Love has the tendency of ‘longing’. Love is the perception of the lover and not related to the behaviours or feelings of the loved. All the behaviours, feelings and emotions of the loved are only enablers. It is not appearance based. It is based on the personality traits of the individual. Love has only positive thinking, emotions and behaviours. Love is natural and it blooms on its own. Love cannot be forced.

Friendships can involve all the three. But no friendship can be formed with only ‘Lust’ (so, no spouse relationship in true sense at mind or soul level can last a life time where it has only the ‘Lust’ element).

When it is one sided love and the other person has only ‘lust’ then the lover will always look for love in each and every behaviour of the luster. The lover will put-in all the best to satisfy the lust needs of the luster to get love (it goes well with the saying ‘men give love for sex and girls give sex for love’). Expressions of ‘love’ and ‘like’, both verbal and by gestures, is a part of the physical intimacy behaviours involved with lust. But these are short lived. So, they cannot be perceived as ‘love’.

‘Consistency’ over many years and ‘endurance’ of behaviours only will tell whether a person really ‘likes’ or ‘loves’. Anyway, ‘lust’ is short lived when it is present alone.

‘Like’ is a subset of ‘love’. Love i.e. ‘natural caring’, is ever lasting. But if it is not ever lasting then the ‘caring’ behaviours were not out of love but only due to lust. Caring can be due to social compulsions or individual ‘needs’ and ‘wants’. Then also it is not love and it is only due to external situation and not due to the internal mental situation of the individual beyond needs, wants and expectations.
‘Caring’ or ‘help’ in one or limited activities or for only limited time is not love. Caring or help over long period of time or entire life time beyond the needs, wants and expectations of the self is love.
‘Love’ when mixed with ‘Lust’ brings in all the negative thinking, emotions and behaviours. ‘Lust’ can spoil ‘Love’. But if the individual can moderate/regulate the lust levels through changes in life style, interventions and positive coping skills behaviours then ‘lust’ will not affect the ‘love’.

Possessiveness does not exist in Love when it is present without any ego, needs, wants and expectations (e.g devotee love). Possessiveness is present when the love has ego or needs or wants or expectations.

‘Like’ and ‘Love’ come from overall personality traits of an individual. Whereas ‘Lust’ and arousal comes only out of physical appearance. Lust needs introduce faking of ‘like’ and ‘love’ behaviours, consciously or by natural instinct, to attract the other person for closeness for satiation of physical intimacy needs. The physical intimacy that could happen in a long lasting love with out ‘Lust’ can not be equated to ‘Lust’ as there is no craving and other associated ‘Lust’ related characteristics. It can be only said that it is a natural behaviour to consolidate or value add or make the love complete.

more about these three words in my blog...there are about 1100
posts on everything about life, living, career, education, relationships....

Keep rocking....Rams....Health psychologist....

Does Independence and Patriotism refer to the Country?

Dear all...moment we hear the words INDEPENDENCE (DAY)and PATRIOTISM we relate it to the COUNTRY!!

In true sense we have to relate them to the fundamental building blocks or the core or the Nucleus of the country...i.e US...WE...THE PEOPLE!!

People make the families...families make the community...communities make the country!!...

Patriotism is all about keeping the people united and taking care of the people!!....Anyone who works for these is a Patriot. Anyone who spoils the unity of people and 'appears' to be taking care of people while develops hatredness between them (i.e creating disintegration or differences between groups while he forms groups by integrating people based on religion, caste, language etc for the welfare of those small communities!) is not a patriot!...So, unless the people perceive independence in thoughts, emotions and behaviours for integration, no true independence can come ever!!

How can one think off independence once we have caged ourselves and others in the so called possessiveness for our own securities, fear of losing etc.

Nooooo way!!...Therefore, come, let us hoist the national flag in the routine manner, eat some chocolates, go home, watch some tv shows, send some messages, have lunch and sleep offfffffffffff!!

Therefore, independence or patriotism etc are not related to the land of the country...they are related to PEOPLE...PEOPLE...PEOPLE...SO, LET US LIBERATE OURSELVES AND BE INDEPENDENT OF OTHERS.

eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!

Peacefully yours....Rams...Health Psychologist!!

What is the meaning of Independence (day), while we have made ourselves TOTALLY dependent on others around us!!!

Dear all...Happy Independence Day to all!...By greeting others like this we can get only a short lived pleasure or feel-good factor. Only when we liberate ourselves from others and others from ourselves we become truly independent and we can celebrate this INDEPENDENCE in true sense with freedom of the mind, body, living and our life!!...

So, let us liberate ourselves on this independence day at body-mind-social levels from our parents, children, siblings, spouse, friends, relatives, community, country, while we continue to be of loving, caring, usefulness, support (emotional, legal, social, financial, and all other 'al's!!) and help when they need.

This will make all others i mentioned above also to breath freedom, independence, self-responsibility, high self-esteem through their self-awareness and strengths. Let them also come out of their dependence on us and feel the independence!!

Let us not groom, grow, mentor ourselves and anyone to be dependent on anyone and anything.

Let us all be free while we are dependent on the Natural Dependencies like dependency on farmers, doctors etc...i.e specialists in their own profession.

Jai Hind!!...Happy independence day again, in true sense!!

Peacefully yours....Rams...Health Psychologist!!

What is important?....Brain (intelligence, skills, knowledge, experience) or Body?

Dear all...i understand the famous and noted tamil movie lyricist is no more!!...

It is sad to note that all the most intelligent and talented people die early due to their unhealthy habits/behaviours. Yenna use?...

Let us first make our BODY healthy enough to live long without any diseases and ailments and thereafter put lots of knowledge, skills etc in the brain which will be useful for us and others for a long time.

We do 'thazhaikeel' or 'ulta'...put ocean of knowledge in brain but screw up the body...and it takes the brain also along to the pyre!...

Another idea can be that let us empty all that in our brain to others/children before it loses all due to aging (ada marathipaa!!).

Also we can give the knowledge, skills to others, as we learn, so that whenever we go out of this world, it has already been taken out and not going waste!!

Peacefully yours...Rams...Health Psychologist!!

"sir, people fall in love with me. But i am not in love with them. I am losing good people and relationships. I am feeling guilty too. What should i do?'"

Dear all...this is for all STUDENTS...

One Question...One Answer...

Qn. "Sir, i am an engg college girl and single child to my parents. Good in studies. I take part in all sorts of arts and sports programmes. I also take part in all co-curricular activities. I can't sit quietly at one place. I am always surrounded by my friends. I can't remain alone. My friends say i am always bubbly bubbly and have lots of energy. I don't see any difference between a boy and a girl right from childhood. So, i mingle with every one easily and in same way. By-and-large i don't have fights with anyone. I am only friendly with every one and i have no love feelings or physical relationship with anyone. Mostly every one also feels same kind of friendship only.

But some times some boys propose to me, they fall in love etc. When i tell them i am just their friend and can't fall in love and marry etc they feel cheated, heart broken and it affects their studies and life. I can't stop seeing them or talking to them as we are in same class/college. Some used to call me a flirt etc. Initially i was affected but not now.

But sometimes i feel guilty of my habits and behaviours that i am responsible for making them fall in love. It pains me to see them suffering, losing their education and blaming me as the reason and others also joining with them and thinking like this. I have lost many good friends of both sexes because of this. They tell me i should change myself.

Is it my mistake that i am born beautiful? (some times i get angry with this also). My mother always tells me that i should talk and behave nicely in a way that will make others happy. Is it wrong to be like that?...Am i the reason for all this mess?...What should i do to ensure such things do not re-occur, i don't feel guilty and i don't lose my friends?

Ans: You are absolutely fabulous and great. There is no need to do any change in your habits/behaviours except that you can maintain some physical distance or limit some of the physical-friendly-brotherly behaviours when you get feelers with such people. Those who make friendship/relationships with conscious or subconscious or subtle intentions to enjoy your body will not mind or give up after some time and leave the relationship when they realise that their efforts will go futile. Many may not express their subtle feelings or desires and continue the relationship for the fear of losing you/friendship permanently. No problems.

It is quite natural for the mind of the human beings to possess, acquire, grab the source of pleasure and happiness for their life time to ensure that they are secured. It is a natural human behaviour to look and search for emotional support, love and affection from people all around. And people who are beautiful in appearance or/and with pleasant personality traits are sure to attract many or all human beings of same and opposite sex towards them. Some may not propose or fall in love, but become possessive even in friendships and start expecting, demanding and controlling you, telling not to talk or behave the same way with others. They might expect you not to have many friendships and expect you to spend all your time and energy with only them. It is unavoidable.

But remember, you are not at fault. It is their own mind that wants to possess you in the name of friendship/love/marriage etc which is at fault. They have to make their mind strong. Their mind has to accept that you can just be only a friend. If they do yoga, meditation and other exercises for mind and body, change their food habits, change their thinking, get some one who love them a lot etc then they can come out of this and remain only as a good friend with you for life time. Those who are unable to should change the place, stop communication with you for some time, go far away. The new place, people, climate, challenges in life, food habits, new friendships etc and if required, medication, counselling etc will change that person and make their body and mind strong. After that they might accept you as just a friend or if not able to, then break the relationship with you.

But you should also be strong enough which does not happen over the entire life for every one. When the body and mind are needy or weak then we also fall in love or lust with others. Anyway, falling in love is not bad and every one falls in love with others many times over their entire life time. It is a natural basic instinct of human beings to fall in love and new loves. But we need to be matured enough not to fall in possessiveness and related negative thinking, emotions and behaviours.

The post is growing too long and enough has already been typed about lust and love in my blog. And also about this love and lust feelings during adolescence and 'Repeated Adolescence' stage in life during fifties!

So, keep rocking!!

Peacefully yours...Rams... Health Psychologist.

the four important words in life, living and relationships...

Dear all...THIS IS FOR ALL STUDENTS AND PARENTS...there are many words important in life...but i feel four words can suffice and describe many words that are important to be a good boss, parent, friend, spouse, lover, sibling...in short...TO KEEP ALL OUR 'RELATIONSHIPS' GREAT AND TO MAKE DELIVER ALL OUR 'RESPONSIBILITIES IN OUR SOCIAL ROLES' FANTASTIC...they are...

1. MOTIVATE...to be peaceful, healthy, happy, contented, self actualised and self transcending.

2. INSPIRE...to be peaceful, healthy, happy, contented, self actualised and self transcending.

3. ENCOURAGE...to be peaceful, healthy, happy, contented, self actualised and self transcending.

4. SUPPORT...to be peaceful, healthy, happy, contented, self actualised and self transcending.

Peacefully yours...Rams...Health Psychologist!!

"There are many egoistic immature people who do not know how to respect Respect, and therefore Respect loses its respect in front of them!!".............Rams....

.IMPORTANT POST FOR ALL STUDENTS AND YOUNG PARENTS...money...or wealth ...or life....??

Dear all....IMPORTANT POST FOR ALL STUDENTS AND YOUNG PARENTS....India is originally an agrarian country with agrarian society and agrarian culture. Most of them are poor while the smart few elite are rich. So, all people and families run behind money to add richness, comforts, social acceptance, image, fame, gethhu, power, authority and what not!!...

In the last 25 years the industrial boom has been happening and India is migrating to industrial culture. This also adds fuel to the fire of survival of the fittest, materialistic aspirations, pleasure based false living leading to more dis-satisfaction, vacuum feeling in life, more contacts-acquaintances-socialisation but short lived-less emotional and less full-filling relationships, bad physical-mental-social well-being, more life style diseases of the body, depression, suicides, rapes etc. So, all parents push their children to make more money and wealth and no one enjoys or eats off all his wealth before his/her death. Everyone leaves behind most of it!!

From beggar to billionaire, from the powerful to the powerless, from educated to uneducated, everyone in this country runs behind money and wealth. They believe that with these two anything can be obtained under the sky. The truth is even the richest guy or most powerful guy or the most famous guy is not peaceful, unhappy and not contented in his life. Religion and Religious books are not helpful. People are divided in all possible ways.

How much money or wealth is needed?...Can anyone get contented with this pleasure based stuff?...If 'giving' gives true happiness how many who have earnt these with their hard work and life-burnt are ready to part with it?

If we keep our life simple, knowledge-wisdom-experience seeking, define it as a 'Journey of Learning' then whatever we have becomes abundance. More the money or wealth we need, more the comforts we need, more the image-respect-fame-attention we try to create with these, we need to work more and more. So, we spend less time with family and friends. Even if our work is our passion too, imbalance in work-rest-entertainment spoils the physical-mental-social health.

So...the crux is...

1. Base the life on continuously acquiring multiple knowledge, skills and experiences. This is important for an industrial nation, society and living so that you don't fall down ever amidst the survival of the fittest.

2. Keep life simple, enjoy life and living more, be contented with money and wealth, never be contented with the knowledge and skills. Have longing for these and keep moving without retirement. You will always be fresh, never feel old, every day becomes refreshing new life and living.

3. Give all the knowledge, skills and experience free of cost, as a service, to all. Motivate, inspire, encourage and support.

4. Be smart not to sell yourself for a cheaper price to cheaters and exploiters. Let your price be high while you keep your value(s) of life and living also high. Money, wealth, fame, true power and authority, true people and relationships, good health, peace, contentment, happiness etc will run behind you. You don't have to run behind them. This is the secret of becoming rich in the eyes of even those who define their life only as 'money and wealth'.

5. At the end of life you will be healthy, peaceful, radiate divines, have true good relationships...whereas the other guy will lose all the wealth progressively, feel lonely, take injections, eat medicines like food and food like medicines, radiate only hate-divide-jealous-revenge, will feel his/ her life is a waste!!

Peacefully yours....Rams...Health Psychologist!!

Rahul: 'Priya...you were my bestie 01 year back. Now you have many lovers. You are a cheat!!'...What did Priya say???

Dear friends....IMPORTANT FOR COLLEGE AND SCHOOL STUDENTS....

Rahul : (he is sad and feels depressed...tears in his eyes ready to roll down)...Hai priya, do you remember those days 01 year back!...You used to be always with me, all the time talking to me, laughing and playing. You used to send hundreds of messages. Give me calls almost every hour. Used to say 'You are my Bestie daa!'...'I can't imagine my life without you!'....'You are the source of my inspiration!' etc. I used to feel soooo happy. But these days you are not talking to me. Avoiding me. You have got many other boy friends. You chat, message and talk for hours with them. You have forgotten our love. I feel cheated!!'

Priya: Rahul, yes!!...You are right!!...You remember how you were then?...All bubbly bubbly, full of energy, all the time radiating happiness and peace, a good motivator, full of freshness, good intelligence!!...Look at yourself now!!...You became too possessive, controlling, demanding, directing, suspecting, monitoring and forcing me to do things which i don't like. You have lost all the positives in you. You are full of negatives and a source of suffocation. You have started drinking, smoking. Remember, freedom is the right of every one. Don't expect me to remain locked on only with you. Nothing wrong in having good friends, in fact we should have, to live, to be healthy, to learn, to grow, to evolve, to mature. I want to grow. I want to have abundance of everything in life. You also change. To the old Rahul, my Rahul again, be with me, let us be together. Let both our positives become synergistic and change the lives of others. Let us be good examples of good friends, good lovers!!...Is it ok??

Boys and girls....wake up!!

Peacefully yours....Rams....Health Psychologist!!