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What is Infatuation?...Is it Love?....How to identify Infatuation?

hai all...this is an important issue in the minds of mostly adolescents and to an extent for the adults also...we don't know how to distinguish between infatuation and love...and we get screwed for life.

 

What is Infatuation?       Is it love? How to identify infatuation? What can it give to us? Is there any escape from it?

 

All of us use this word frequently – infatuation!! We use it against teen agers when they talk or develop relationships with people of opposite sex.

 

The truth is, infatuation is not age related. It is age independent. This means it can occur at any age for both male and female sex. So, it is independent of age and sex.

 

The biggest problem is we are unable to distinguish between love and infatuation. Almost all of us assume infatuation to be the true and best form of love that can give us peace.

 

There are many types of love we experience in our relationships. They can be classified as those which involve sexual relationships, those without sexual relationships but involving physical relationships (e.g mother and child) and those where there is no physical relationship at all.

 

So, infatuation can be said that it is a type of love. But it has its ‘ifs and but’s.

 

We assume that the love or the relationship that is formed between a husband and wife after the traditional Indian match making arranged marriage is the true form of love. It is not so. The truth is it is the love formed out of infatuation. This can be understood from the fact that no husband or wife here is a good ‘friend’ to each other where they can talk and talk for hours together and share anything and everything on earth without any inhibitions or hiding. They enjoy talking to their friends more than their life mates. This ‘arranged love’ of infatuation of our arranged marriages might or might not mature to be a love based on liking of personality traits. It all depends on the social processes / relationship dynamics / matching of personality traits etc between them during the initial years of marriage. If the love matures to that based on personality traits, then the longevity of the love is more and quality is better. Otherwise short lived.

 

Nature wants the life to continue on earth. So, it has created asexual and sexual methods of reproduction. All living beings reproduce by sexual reproduction. For this to happen, one has to get attracted to the other. So, infatuation is driven by nature and not by an individual or a society or social norms or culture. So, there is no escape for anyone from being infatuated to another person of opposite sex.

 

Nature wants only healthy off-springs and therefore, everyone is attracted towards only young and youthful person of opposite sex. No boy gets infatuated to an old lady and no girl gets infatuated to an old man. So, infatuation mostly occurs towards young and youthful human beings.

 

So, when a person is attracted towards a person of opposite sex, consciously or subconsciously, for reproduction, it is called infatuation.

 

Every human being gets easily attracted to the opposite sex (like son to mother and daughters to father) from childhood to death irrespective of age for several reasons. Only when the body matures, the reproductive systems mature, then the attraction towards opposite sex for reproductive needs occurs and it is called infatuation. So, the attraction that occurs before attaining age is not infatuation. Generally the person does not know why or for what he or she is attracted towards the opposite sex as it happens on its own from inside the body and mind out of conscious part of the mind.

 

A person gets attracted towards the opposite sex due to either appearance (skin colour, youthfulness, healthy body, beauty of face and body, the structure and shape of body and parts, dress etc) or behaviours or personality traits (style, kindness, radiating love, peace and happiness, high intelligence, achievements, type of living and life etc).

 

Unfortunately both appearance and behaviours change as we age due to the changes in functioning, secretions, metabolism of internal organs. Also due to the changing needs and wants, changing definitions of life and living, changes in society etc. Therefore, a love or attraction that appears due to appearance only will certainly fade away and go after the appearance disappears.

 

The attraction that occurs due to behaviours will also go once the behaviours change.

 

If infatuation has occurred due to physical appearance then the love that originates out of this is also short lived. It will remain only till the first delivery or the second or till the body attracts the other body for reproductive needs. If the infatuation has the element of attraction due to personality traits then it would remain till this also changes. If the behaviours of both the individuals change together at the same time, to the same changed behaviours, to the same level, then the infatuation or love continues. Or else it breaks.

 

A relationship that got formed due to physical attraction may mature to personality trait attraction. A relationship that got formed due to personality traits attraction can also mature to physical attraction. Such maturing ensures the longevity of the relationship, better understanding and less strains.

 

As infatuation develops a relationship that is based on bio drives, needs and expectations, it is certainly has short life, has both positives (happiness, fulfilment, pleasure etc) and negatives (fights, frustrations, anger, sadness, diseases of body and mind, stress, strains, voids, curtains or walls in between the two, limitations, legal issues, social issues, depression, crimes). When the needs are fulfilled by the other person by type and to the level of desire, then positives happen. When this is not met then negatives happen.

 

Infatuation also leads to social relationships outside the marriage social system affecting the happiness, health and peace in life.

 

Infatuation also leads to possessiveness and therefore control on the behaviours of the other person which affects the happiness, health and peace of both.

 

Therefore, infatuation endures and also screws up one’s life. Infatuation cannot give peace ever due to the element of expectation. It also gives success when the needs are met and failures when our needs are not met out of infatuation.

 

No one on this earth can escape from infatuation, only the period of infatuation differs. Therefore, it is a part of life. One has to only learn how to reduce its negative effects and increase the positive effects.

 

Decreasing bio drives with staple food, balanced diet, good sustainable exercise regimen, exercises for the body and mind like yoga and meditation is the best solution for experiencing less infatuation and forming better, beautiful, peaceful and lifelong relationships with others.

 

An individual who is having less bio drives, is able to regulate the drives, does not expect others to fulfil their drives, able to understand the changes in the body of others and changes in the related behaviours, takes things empathetically, changes his or her behaviours, needs and wants also to the type and level of the other person, only can derive peace, happiness and success out of infatuation from the other person throughout the life and the relationship also will remain intact without any stresses and strains for ever till death.

 

Infatuation leads to failures in love and married life. The couple may live together, but there may be only infatuation and not love. Infatuation also binds two people of opposite sex but with voids, blind regions and walls in relationships. When the infatuation vanishes due to aging or changes in the physical appearance or changes in personality traits (due to changes in the needs and wants, likes and dislikes e.g we are not the same as a child, adolescent, young adult, middle aged adult, elderly adult etc), then there is no attraction or love between the two. This can lead to an ‘organisational living’ inside the home with separations in body or mind or both at different levels or divorce or attractions towards other people (extra marital affairs).

 

There is no male or female on this earth of the past or present or future who was/is/or will not get attracted to the opposite sex. Not just one person but more than one. So, every living organism including human beings get attracted to the people of the opposite sex.

 

How to identify if the attraction is infatuation or not?

1.The imagination or feeling or hearing about the person or looking at that person or proximity of the individual causes physiological changes inside and outside the body leading to physical and all types of behaviours that lead to reproductive behaviours immediately or later.

2.It occurs only after the person has attained age, the reproductive organs have grown sufficiently enough for the function.

 

So, the crux is

1.All attractions towards opposite sex at all ages after attaining maturity of the body leading to physiological changes inside and outside the body is infatuation. It can even happen at 40 or 60 or 80 or even 100. Typically scientists say that infatuation lasts certainly up to 40.

 

2.The attractions which take place before attaining maturity of the body may not be termed as infatuation. It is just the attraction towards a person of opposite sex for physical, emotional and intellectual support / relationship which is the basic need of life and living. 

 

3.Attractions towards the opposite sex where there are no physiological changes inside and outside the body, now or later, consciously or subconsciously is not infatuation. The attraction could be for intellectual support or legal support and such other things. E.g organisational relationships, relationships between parents and children etc.

 

4. Infatuation is a bio drive towards a basic body need, natural drive, exhibiting animalisatic behaviour also if need not met,  does not worry about shame, legal issues, social issues etc, not driven consciously, driven subconsciously, the person does not even know this, creates a relationship through needs, wants and expectations, a love feeling towards the other person based 'conditional relationship or love', creating short spells of happiness but long duration of unhappiness, bad health, losses of finance, peace, social relationships, health and any thing on earth.

Hope now it is clarified and all of you know what infatuation is all about!!

 

keep rocking!

 

rams