How to live peacefully and happily?

Dear all...THIS IS FOR ALL STUDENTS...


Why all these unrest in the community...society...state...country and in the world...??

Because we identify ourselves based on our religion, caste, language, culture, clan, social customs, beliefs and other bla bla bla.

Instead, if we identify ourselves to as HUMAN BEINGS...like the infants and children...and use our common sense and presence of mind only to protect ourselves from the exploiters and cheaters...if we come out of all the obsessions, rigidity, sensitivities mentioned above then we will find ourselves to be much more peaceful...happy...destressed and relieved...free from all the pains....integrated with the people around...enjoy all the festivals and social functions...!!

Peacefull yours...Rams...Psychologist!!

'Sir, I am in a serious trouble, please help me!'

Dear all...THIS IS FOR STUDENTS....

Most of us land up in petty or serious crimes, illegal activities, or guilt feelings, regretful thoughts, fears, depression, sadness and all such related negative issues of life only when....

1. We are under pleasurable activities

2. When our body urges and cravings are high

3. When our brain is unhealthy...mind is weak...obsessive...insecure...


When we are under pleasurable activities, then our realistic cognitive ability gets suppressed.  Therefore, we land up doing all unsocial and illegal activities. After our needs are met, when we are out of the effect of pleasures, when the stress caused in the body and mind are removed due to pleasurable activities, then we come to reality and realise the danger we are in, and end up doing things which further complicate our life.

When our body urges and cravings are high, then again to supress the cravings, to come out of the stressful situation, we end up in pleasurable activities, because everything related to the physical ie body are in the pleasure domain, animal domain, or lead to pleasure related activities and put us in serious troubles as mentioned above.

When our brain is unhealthy...mind is weak...obsessive...insecure...then again we land up at places, people, items, life situations where we land up in pleasurable activities and all the issues above.
Because physical proximity is a must to gain pleasures for the body. So, the brain produces thoughts, ideas, solutions, it controls the body and issues directives to mouth, legs, hands and all muscles to do things to gain proximity to the source of pleasure. So, here again we land up in serious troubles as mentioned above.

When we are in these three body and mind situations, the exploiters of body and mind...the cheaters....the animals...find us to be vulnerable targets and destroy us!!

To avoid all the above three states of body and mind...life situations....we need to do the following:-

1. Every day sleep from night 10 pm to morning 5 am.

2. Healthily cooked moderate carbohydrate food in the morning and more of protein and protective food during lunch and dinner

3. Avoiding spices, non veg and oily foods.

4. Walking, yoga, meditation.

5. 20 long breathes whenever we are driven for pleasurable things in a non conducive environment.

6. keeping the body and mind stress free...

7. avoiding pleasurable chemicals, pleasure places, pleasurable activities, pleasurable thoughts etc.

The simple fact is, when our body and mind are not stable and wanting pleasures in an unsocial or illegal way, then it is an indication that it is stressed and we need to do the 7 points above. If we do the 7 points above daily, then it is more likely that we may not end up in stressful situations of body and mind.

Peacefully yours...Rams...Psychologist!!

"if we don't marry as per the wishes of parents then we will not get a share in their property. Is it true?...What is your opinion on this?"

Dear all...One question...One answer...

Qn...Sir, there is a whatsapp message which says if we don't marry as per the wishes of parents then we will not get a share in their property. Is it true?...What is your opinion on this?

Ans: There are already enough sensational debates and discussions on TV channels on various issues to keep the viewers addicted at the edge of the sofa. Let us not add more!!

Let us not worry about if it is true or false...whether it is right or wrong...!!...It is truly immaterial!!

Let us look at our own selves. Our life should be good. We should live comfortably and independently with our family of wife and children with all kinds of affordability of education, food, clothing and other basic-needs and comfort-wants. So, we should become employable to earn a decent living for the kind of lifestyle we want to live. We should also become authoritative and powerful, more than the parents, legally, socially and financially. You should take them to your place of work and living to make them realize/understand that you are stronger than them. Then they will 'feel' weak and we are stronger than them. They will probably feel insecure. If they are independent of you for financial and emotional needs then they will feel happy and leave you in your way. If they are dependent on you, then they will feel in their subconscious mind that you are the rich and safest for them. You should be loving and caring to them so that they support you...they are with you...and you get their support for your marriage dreams...and you get their property also!...Their support will be very useful at home when you make the family at an alien place, rear the children, and are busy with your dream profession, passions and goals. So, don't make yourself weak.

Initially if they don't agree for your marriage proposal, don't fight with them. Don't argue with them. Show and make them realize your kind of profession and it's demands from your wife with respect to her age, qualifications, skill sets, appearance, talents, aptitude, potential, personality traits, lifestyle, culture, language skills of the place of working and living. Be full of loving and caring for them. But be firm about whom you will marry. You may consider the factors and suggestions which they tell you. Clarify their apprehensions and fears. Make them understand. If you don't agree with them, then explain them politely at the right time, right place and right social situation. Full-fill all their unaccomplished / unfulfilled dreams and goals and when they are happy, elated and feel good about your gesture and responsibility to them, that is the right time to explain your view points where they are contradicting. They are sure to fall flat, if not same time, certainly later, after munching everything, seeing your firmness, your love and care for them, the genuineness in your point of view and that you are more powerful than them, and if they don't agree, then you will go ahead as per your wish and they can do nothing about it and in totality they will be the losers as they will miss you, who is their strength!! So, some time or the other they will agree to your proposal.

By doing the above, you will make your parents happy, you will deliver the duties as a child to your parents, they will like you and love you, by keeping them with you after changing them you will only become stronger, by fighting with them and leaving them you will only become weaker and lose your trusted strength and support, as no one can be more caring, supporting, reliable and trustworthy than parents at the time of crisis and danger. Don't lose hope, because even the wildest of the animals have been tamed by humans. So, nothing is impossible!!

By keeping them on your stride you are increasing your social strength and also your children will get grandparents!!

So, think positive and take the most successful and trusted weapon of non-violence and love in your hands!!

You are sure to win them and get their property also!!

Peacefully yours...Rams...Psychologist!!

“Sir, I am a first year college girl. I want your help!!”

💐💐“Sir, I am a first year college girl. I want your help!!”

Dear all…one question…one answer…

Qn. Sir, I am a fair beautiful first year Engg college girl from one of the best colleges. I have been having a problem since childhood but now I am unable to handle it. So, I need help. Every boy from every corner wants to make relationship with me. I am generally friendly. So, all girls want my time, emotions and energy. Till +2 i did not have mobile and no social media. But now I have a mobile and so all my time and energy goes in that. I am unable to find time for my own self, my goals, my passions and my hobbies. I want to continue excelling in studies. I want to go for intra and inter college, national and international adventure, sports, camps, social service activities, cultural competitions and whatever other curricular, co-curricular and extracurricular activities. I want to learn so many things. I want to go around, travel, and experience so many things. I am a learner and want to learn about so many things by academics and experience. But I am not getting any time. I am frustrated sir. I am fed up and depressed. Another problem is I get attracted and attached to people very fast. I am too emotional (she is crying). When I hide, I get stressed and feel guilty. I don’t know what to do sir. Please help me!!!

Ans: 1. Beauty comes from character…i.e ‘what you do enduringly when others are not noticing you!’ (not what you think or speak or do for a short time with motives or when others are watching you!) and Attractiveness comes from Appearance. I think you are equally confused like others or accept what is shown in movies as beauty. Anyway, leave it!...You have learnt now!

2. The solution for your problem is simple. You need to be Assertive, that is all!!...Tell everyone that only face to face communication with you in reality and keeping physical distance. So, someone wants to talk to you, let that person come in front of you. If someone calls, see if the subject of talk warrants for an unavoidable call. If not, give a polite and stern warning to avoid calls and also tell you will block that person permanently forever. Do it also!!...Tell everyone No whatsapp msgs, forwards, facebook shares, sms, calls etc. You can have their contact numbers so that you can contact them if required. Tell them you will have only FRIENDSHIP and NOT RELATIONSHIP. Be friendly with all and equally with everyone. Be a good friend and an Ideal Human Being. Follow OPEN policy. Let everyone know whom all you have friendship. Tell everything, and all your friendships to parents. Let them be confident on you. All that you described above as your dreams are all perfect and you should pursue!!!...Just focus on all that you said you want to do. You will have all 24 hours with you. Only those boys and girls who are like you and with high tolerance and endurance will remain with you. Remaining all weights will fall down. You will be totally free.

When you follow the above, following will happen…

1.      All those with vested interest will not make any approaches.

2.      All those with wants, needs and expectations will go away.

3.      All those who want to knock down emotionally and shackle you will go away.

4.      You will be socially and emotionally free. No guilt and no stress.

5.      Only those who are genuinely interested in your true friendship…who are good human beings….who are unconditional…who are happy being a friend of yours…who respect feminity (and not females, the way our movies and culture teach!!)….who have no needs, wants and expectations from you…and who match with your thoughts and actions will remain with you over a long time.

6.      In this process you will find the person who really LOVES you for what you are who you are and not how you look like!...Appearance attracts people for pleasure and lusty reproductive needs. Whereas what I described above makes people to remain for true friendship even after the appearance fades off in few months or years!! In a relationship, only relationship should matter and not the wants, needs and expectations. Love after-all means ‘caring and supporting’!!...‘caring’ for the body, mind and your relationships with others and ‘supporting’ your dreams, passions, hobbies, beliefs, habits, routines and goals. When such people with same dreams, passions and goals are with you, then you will also support them and love becomes a two way process!!

7.      Finally when you reach around 25+ years of age, when you have stabilised in your studies and profession, you will find YOUR MAN clearly visible who has endured all that you said above and did over nearly a decade. So, it will be easy to find your life mate too.

8.      Aim is not to have too many friendships or relationships which  are unable to handle, diverting, distracting, stressing and pulling us down…making us weak…!!...Aim is to have ONLY those few who match with our mission in life so that they support us, we support them and the RELATIONSHIP blooms and remains for life time!!...What is the point in having someone who is a pain and weight in our journey?...After all no relationship which has only needs, wants and expectations…i.e LUST…and which has all these fulfilled…remains spicy and firing for a long time!!

9. We should be good human beings. That is all. We need not please every one, it is impossible, it is stressful, in this process we will lose ourselves, we will retain no one as we can’t please every one, and we will reach no-where in our mission of life!!

Peacefully yours…Rams…Psychologist!!💐💐

This is for all....especially parents and teachers...

Dear all...THIS IS FOR ALL...I generally click lots of pics of Nature and post them to all my contacts. Why i do this?...Because 'We are created by Nature, we are part of the Nature, the whole universe...and we are supposed to live WITH-IT...But whereas gradually we are moving away from it with all man-made beliefs, negative social structures/issues, making us sick all the time...When we live against nature we are sure to get stressed and strained in body, mind and relationships!!...When we live with nature, as advocated by the Vedhas, we are sure to be healthy, peaceful and happy at all places and in all dimensions. So, to motivate everyone i click pics of the other elements of Nature and send to all.

Another reason is, we all force our children to excel in academics, want them to become employable etc. Sadly all the subjects we read anywhere is all about Nature...1. Physics is all about physical properties of matter in the Nature...2. Chemistry is all about chemical properties of matter in the Nature...3. Biology and related subjects are all about the living organisms...4. Geography is all about this earth which teaches and shows us the Nature around...5. History is all about the world, how we reached where we are, the past of this world, how to go about in future etc....6. Languages teach us the culture and are tools of communication...the science of communication...7. Mathematics is all about the Variables and Constants in the Nature, their dependencies and independence, the methods of finding the value of the unknown variable...!!

So, all the subjects we learn are related to our surroundings...the Nature around us. Therefore, when we love Nature, when we lose ourselves in the Nature, when we involve ourselves in observing and analysing nature, when we are interested to know about Nature, when we live with the Nature, we are sure to gain interest in studies, do well in studies, get good marks, get good jobs, learn many valuable lessons of life and living from all living organisms around us and live a peacefully, happy and healthy life!!

Remaining detached from Nature gives us diseases of the body and mind leading to spoiled relationships too. Doing well in studies, while remaining detached from Nature, just for the sake of getting good marks or good job etc is also stressful...they will always miss something...the peace... in their inner self and finally get surrendered to spiritual gurus and their organisations where they will teach them as to how to remain connected with Nature to live peacefully.

Therefore, let us always be with Nature, teach our children also how to live with Nature, how to get attached with nature, how to study the nature etc...and live naturally and not artificially!!

Peacefully yours...Rams...Psychologist!!

THIS IS FOR ALL...ESPECIALLY FOR PARENTS AND TEACHERS...

Dear all...THIS IS FOR ALL...ESPECIALLY FOR PARENTS AND TEACHERS...

Nature drives all human beings born on this earth towards self-actualisation from their inner self. That is, to realise their full potential, skills, talents, abilities, grow in them, become authorities in these, get appreciation and reach the state of self-actualisation!!...This is unavoidable...It is the very purpose of life!!...For all human beings!!

But sadly our 'present' culture, our parents do not know this. The marriage oriented and animal culture of ours truncate this process. They don't self actualise. They don't allow their children to self-actualise, they don't allow them to grow to their peak potentials...All these people get affected in their mind from deep within. Learned helplessness state is a state of mental illness. They will appear to be happy and peaceful on the surface but subconsciously they are living against the Nature, the natural process of development...So, their body, mind and social relationships will be stressed and strained. If they are highly intelligent then they are sure to development mental disorders and spoil the life of theirs and that of others!!...All others will also slowly and gradually land up in mild or serious mental and social issues. They will also get ailments, less immunity and related diseases and suffer.

So, let us allow ourselves and others to self actualise. Let us not stop or truncate this natural process. Educate the elders at home on this issue.

Peacefully yours...Rams...Psychologist!!

THIS IS FOR ALL WHO ARE INTO RELATIONSHIPS...COMMITTED OR UNMARRIED...

Dear all...THIS IS FOR ALL WHO ARE INTO RELATIONSHIPS...COMMITTED OR UNMARRIED...

Animals get attached to their masters or place who/which give them food, shelter and a breeding place and environment. When they stop getting these or any of these, then they leave the master or the place and go to a new master or new place where they get their basic needs. They don't hate their old master because they don't think/analyse and do not have a mind. They are also not possessive and jealous. They don't have ego. They don't remember the past or forget the past if they get positives again. So, they don't get affected. In fact, they go back to him/or the place if they get what they need. If they stop getting again then they again leave. They are soo simple, simply live their life, because they have a very simple brain!!

Human beings are also like these animals. They go to people and places where they get their needs, wants and expectations met. They leave the people physically or mentally or socially when they stop getting what they want. But the issue is human beings get affected very badly when they leave or when the other person leaves the relationship. They develop hate if they don't get what they want. They also become possessive. They are egoistic. They remember the unpleasantness of the past. Generally they go back or don't go back when they again get what they want. Again they leave the person when their needs and expectations are not met!!

To overcome these negatives, to be not like animals...to be like human beings...to be good to all...to be unconditional...only we have been blessed with SIXTH SENSE of 'thinking'...to remain positive with all, everyone, every place, always...to overcome the hate...to overcome the possessiveness...to overcome the complicacies of the complex brain...and the complex mind formed out of it...!!

Whereas we don't understand this, live like animals...fight with people...use all kind of hate words...break-up with the relationships...and mess up the only chance we have got to enjoy this life...enjoy this world...enjoy this earth!!

Therefore, let us wake up, live like human beings, not like animals, use the sixth sense to overcome the negatives of natural possessiveness and hate, and learn to be independent while being dependent, make life long healthy relationships by teaching the other person and avoid break-ups which affect the development of children at home and our own peace, happiness and good physical, mental and social well-being!!

Peacefully yours...Rams...Psychologist!!

THIS IS FOR ALL STUDENTS...Sir, today everyone has thousands of contacts and friendships. It is so easy to make contacts, friendships and relationships!!.

Dear all...THIS IS FOR ALL STUDENTS...

One student:

Sir, today everyone has thousands of contacts and friendships. It is so easy to make contacts, friendships and relationships!!....But every one leaves after some time!...Almost every one suffers break-up!!...Some are less affected and some are affected more!!...that is all the difference....No relationship stays for long!!...How to believe anyone?...I am scared about my future sir!!....How to get a life long relationship?...How to find real love?...How to find a life mate?

Ans: Knowledge about Relationship Management is the need of the hour!!

Everyone goes to the other person only to satisfy their needs, wants and expectations which can never be met all the time and to their satisfaction!!

As relationships are easy, people generally leave one relationship that is not giving satiation and hop to the other and hopping goes on and on!!

Everyone might have thousands of contacts and few hundred friendships and few tens of relationships all the time which may be changing from time to time. But no one probably will have THAT ONE RELATIONSHIP....

.....WITH WHOM THEY HAVE THE TOTAL TRUST AND CAN SURRENDER TO THAT PERSON WITH CONFIDENCE!!

......WITH WHOM THEY CAN SOCIALISE WITHOUT FEAR OR HESITATION OR UNEASYNESS!!

......WITH WHOM THEY HAVE THE COMFORT TO SHARE AND DISCUSS ANYTHING UNDER THE SKY!!

......WITH WHOM THEY CAN STRIKE A RELATIONSHIP THAT THEY STRIKE WITH GODS!!

.....WITH WHOM THEY FEEL THEY ARE HAPPY, PEACEFUL, PHYSICALLY MENTALLY AND SOCIALLY HEALTHY, GROWING, DEVELOPING, MATURING, EVOLVING AND ABLE TO REALISE THEIR PASSIONS, GOALS, DREAMS!!

.....WITH WHOM THEY FEEL THEY DON'T HAVE ANY CONFUSIONS IN LIFE...THEY ARE CLEAR IN THEIR CONSCIENCE AND ARE ABLE TO TAKE DECISIONS THAT DOES NOT DISTURB THEIR PEACE, HAPPINESS AND HEALTH!!

....WITH WHOM THEY FEEL THEY ARE ABLE TO FACE ANY CHALLENGE ON THIS EARTH WITH EASE, COMFORT AND CONFIDENCE!!

....WITH WHOM THEY ARE ABLE TO SELF-ACTUALISE!!

Just be that ONE PERSON IN SOMEBODY'S LIFE!!...and see how things change in your life!!

Peacefully yours...Rams...Psychologist!!

THIS IS FOR ALL...ESPECIALLY THOSE IN RELATIONSHIPS....WHETHER MARRIED OR UNMARRIED...

Dear all...THIS IS FOR ALL...ESPECIALLY THOSE IN RELATIONSHIPS....WHETHER MARRIED OR UNMARRIED...

A Relationship is always under the control of the one who has the least needs, wants and expectations!!

So, keep the control of the relationship in your hands!!

Peacefully yours...Rams...Psychologist!!

Results of anger are more painful than the reasons of anger!!

Dear all...THIS IS FOR ALL...

1. Here many are not developed properly to become eligible for husband or wife or parents. Some of them become educated, trained, learned and eligible when they become grandparents!!

2. Results of anger are more painful than the reasons of anger!!

Peacefuly yours...Rams...Psychologist!!

"Enough is enough!! I am going to divorce my wife!!"

Dear all...THIS IS FOR ALL MARRIED COUPLE...

One interesting person approached and said he is going to break his 17 years of marriage life after some time. But he wanted an immediate solution for his peaceful living at home!!

Both husband and wife are working and earning well. But they have not been talking for quite some time and sleeping separately. Cold war. Lack of Communication. He does not do anything at home and does not involve in the education of the children. They have a son and a daughter more than 10 years old.

When asked for reasons for marital discord he quoted some reasons which appeared silly to me but major ones to him, which is the usual case!!

Lots of suggestions were given but they did not seem to be acceptable to him. The major complaint was that her wife is asking him to do some common chores and his own responsibilities at home which are not acceptable to him. He said he has never done them before and after marriage, she has never complained, but now after 17 years she is complaining, insisting and shouting at home!! He also complained that his jobs are not done by anyone. He hates the washed clothes drying indoors in the line for days!!

We can make out that his ego was not allowing him to do them. He also repeatedly said he loves his children very much and he is just waiting for them to get married and settled. He also said that he has conveyed this decision of divorce to his wife.

Then i told him, "Yes sir, you are right!!...You have the right to live peacefully. You must seek divorce at once your children become adults and independent. It will not be possible to live with her anymore. Please do that!!"

His face indicated that he felt better (that i agreed with him)!

I added "But you should start preparing to live independently on your own without depending on others for anything. Do you agree with this?"...He nodded, but there was a bit of hesitation. He did not agree 100%.

"Tomorrow onwards you pick up your clothes, fold and keep them in alimirah sir!!...Let us start with this!"...He agreed. Next day he called up and said he did that. After two days i said 'You love your daughter and she has 10th board exam. So, why don't you pick up her clothes too and support her!". He did that!!...His daughter felt nice and she gave nice hugs and kisses to him, thanking for his care!!...He said he felt nice about it. After two days i said 'You love your son a lot. He is preparing for JEE and busy. Why don't you pick up his dresses too!. His son too thanked the daddy with hugs and kisses. Daddy reported nice feeling though he felt he is not comfortable somewhere!!

Then i told him "Without your wife you would not have got this family and home. During early years of marriage when children were not there, she did everything. Now she has to do all house chores, prepare everyone in the morning to school and office, cook, after coming back home late in the evening again she has to do all the chores and focus on children education too. When she is physically tired and mentally drained, how can she be romantic with you on bed?...So, as a kind gesture or on humanitarian grounds or as a social service that has to begin from home, why don't pick up your wife's clothes too!'. He did not agree. I left it there. But he reported next day that after picking up the clothes of three, when he saw the clothes of his wife alone there, he felt something inside that it is not good. So, he picked up her clothes too!!

When mother returned the children told her that dad picked up all clothes. She felt happy,cared and loved. She felt her husband showed some responsible behaviour to support her in family chores. After two days he reported that all is well and they are sleeping together. I suggested that if he cooperates more then the happiness index not only of himself but also that of the family will increase. Yesterday he reported a total change in his famly with more fun and successes.

1. This may not work out for all because every case is different. But all cases are solvable and breaking of families and relationships, negative effect on development of children can be avoided.
2. He loved his wife. That is why he was not peaceful and came for help. Ego, lack of communication, cold war built up over years was the issue.
3. Everyone including children should be made responsible for their own chores. Temporary support can be extended by others during stressful and demanding times. Common jobs should be shared.
4. It is better to off-load in families where everyone is aspiring in their studies / career.
5. Such tiresome, monotonous and robotic activities are to be done for improving socialisation, fun, love, care and share and not as work and burden with blames.

Peacefully yours...Rams...Psychologist!!

‘sir, help me. I am heart broken. She/he has blocked me!’ is on the increase...

Dear all...THIS IS FOR ALL PARENTS, TEACHERS AND ADOLESCENTS...

Today adolescents and early adults (13 to 30 years age) have a mobile and all kinds of social networks with thousands of friends and emotional relationships too. But are they capable of handling them?...Have they been trained for handling such large number of relationships and distractions of social networking?...What do they do?...They keep blocking and unblocking friends at the drop of the hat...landing up in break-ups...Divorce etc without knowing that these are not the solutions and they will only damage the mental health of both seriously. Sometimes feeling 'missed-the-bus' after the break-up. Major reason is they don't communicate well to resolve the issues. They take decisions impulsively. They get emotionally stretched to their limits and beyond which results in a traumatic life.

The end result is they are torn to pieces in their mind and life. Many don't do well in schools, colleges and organisations...arrears, no placements, debarred from colleges, thrown out of the job, and getting used to drinking, smoking and other health compromising habits too…and land up as a burden and pain for their ownselves and family. Depressions and medication are common.

Is there any one to teach them Relationships Management before they reach adolescence?...who will teach them?...Parents only control. Teachers are almost the same, as, they are also parents!! Both claim to be experts…but do they know?...They might be training based on their own or heard experiences. But they are not qualified and trained. So, they also mess up. There are even colleges where a girl student or staff talking to a boy or man student/staff is a punishable offence. Are they right?...NO!!!!!....Ultimately boys and girls have to work in organisations in teams with people of opposite sexes...live at different places and interact with people of all kinds...and finally get married to a person of opposite sex and live without any relationship issues!!...So, coeducation schools with multicultural and multilingual environment is the best to grow, mature and evolve.

Therefore, Relationships are here to stay!!...Especially the adolescents are immature, unfamiliar with relationships, and unable to handle a surge of new kind of relationships from all directions during their early stage in life....this continues even during early adult stage!!...parents and others only scare them...this is not good...they should know everything about human thoughts...feelings...and behaviours so that they are able to handle people and relationships themselves!!!
Because after joining organisations...after marriage...after relocating to a new place...when they meet new people....come across many new relationships...they should know how to handle them. Parents and teachers can't be there everywhere and always!!!

Therefore, along with the teaching about menstruation, child birth, pregnancy etc people of both sexes need to be taught about the changes that take place in the body externally and internally, their effects on the hormone and other systems, their impact on the patterns of thoughts, feelings and behaviours, role modelling, the true definition and meaning of Love, the kind of attractions, dreams, passions, obsessions they will come across, the causes and effects of these, the fantasies in thoughts, dreams, decision making they will come across, the way to handle all these in their own thoughts, feelings and behaviours, assertiveness training, relaxtion therapy, anger management, management of frustration and other related neative thoughts and emotions and other therapies, Relationship Management etc need to be taught to them by well qualified and experienced experts in schools.

Else it is sure that every brain and life here is likely to get torn/shattered at the tender age of adolescence, during the growth and maturing stage itself and the horrifying experiences are likely to cause a major effect in their perceptions about opposite sexes, learning and personalities. Many evolve to be with personality disorders that they become unsuitable for a marriage or family living!!

Hope the school administrations and parents do something about this!!...Because ‘sir, help me. I am heart broken. She/he has blocked me!’ is on the increase amongst people of all ages!!

Peacefully yours…Rams…Psychologist!!

Parenting is grooming them to be EMPLOYABLE

Dear all...THIS IS FOR ALL PARENTS...

Parenting is not about feeding food, giving place of shelter, giving lots of pampering, buying all the things they want, providing best clothes, sending them to the best of the schools, growing them in size and height.

Parenting is grooming them to be EMPLOYABLE with an adaptability to live any where in the world all alone by themselves as a good human being with peace, happiness and good physical, mental and social well-being.

We need to check if our parenting methods ensure this!!

Else it is a life long head ache and hell for both parents and children!!

Peacefully yours...Rams...Psychologist!!

Most important thing any human being should know...

Dear all...THIS IS FOR ALL...ESPECIALLY THE MOTHERS...

Without WOMEN no peace or happiness or health or home or family or society or village or town or city or country or continent or world is possible!!

So, knowing how to adapt and live with them is the basic education required for life on earth. Unconditional caring for their body, mind and social relationships and supporting their dreams, passion, goals, aims, desires, ambitions, aspirations etc is Love.

When this is done, they reciprocate the same!!

Mothers need to teach this to their children as the First Lesson in this World!!!

Then most of the relationship issues are solved on earth!!!!

Peacefully yours…Rams…Psychologist!!

THIS IS FOR ALL PARENTS...A MUST READ...

Dear all...THIS IS FOR ALL PARENTS...A MUST READ...

Good parenting is…….”To create a social environment at home wherein the child feels freedom to express and discuss anything under the sky with the parents without any shyness...inhibitions...fear...guilt...discomfort...with lots of love and confidence that the parents only mentor...guide...by themselves or through experts...The child perceives the parents as the Role Model…The Soul Mates….The child feel that they only explain the complete environment with all the factors...and allow the child to take the decisions and be responsible and accountable for the outcomes and take pride in deciding the destiny!!!”

If this is not done then the child is likely to perceive others in the outside world as his or her Role Model and has the chance of spoiling the life. The child is likely to learn about everything from outsiders who may not give the right knowledge, wisdom and guidance. The child might search for Soul Mates in the outside world and there are enough of them eagerly waiting to misguide, cheat, exploit, use and throw the child in the gutter!!

So, let us not preach to children, let us be good Role Models and Soul Mates by being one of what we preach!!

Peacefully yours…Rams…Psychologist!!

'sir, i am having conflicts in my mind. I am not peaceful. Please help me!'

Dear all...THIS IS FOR ALL...ALL OF US HAVE SUCH ISSUES IN OUR MIND AND SUFFER...

Qn. Sir, What is Cognitive Dissonance?...Please explain it with an example.

Ans:

I will give the example first and explain it later, so that you will understand easily.

Because understanding the Theories of Psychology is a bit difficult.

Assume you believe that…… 'We should not eat non-veg because killing animals is wrong, as they experience pain during killing. By eating animals you get bad karma and will get punished by God'.

But you also have experienced and are convinced that 'Fish is very good for health and it is very tasty too!' and you are addicted to eating fish.

In this condition you have two contradicting strong beliefs.
You are also scared that you are doing something wrong and god will punish you. So, you don't go to temple or to Pooja room in your house. This also you don't like as you want to do Pooja every day and want to worship god. You don't like this condition of remaining away from god and you feel that god will punish you for this also!!.... So, you experience stress in your mind. You experience discomfort. It is painful. You are unable to live peacefully.

And you come to me for help saying 'please help me, i am unable to live!'...

And i tell you……. 'Please eat fish. What you are doing is perfectly right. Even God has told that he has created everything in this world for us to eat and enjoy and most of the people in this world are non-vegetarians. God does not punish them. Even doctors prescribe fish for weak people and for certain diseases. Fish has lots of good protein. You are not killing the fish. Only the fisher man is killing the fish, so he will only get the bad karma and get punished by god and not you. You are eating only a dead fish. So, you are not killing a fish and by eating the dead fish the fish does not get any pain. So, don't worry. You are not at fault. You are perfectly doing the right thing for your good health. So, eat fishes and nothing wrong in it!!'......

On hearing this you will get relieved from all your conflicts and fears. Your mind will tell….. 'Oh...God himself has said that i can eat anything and he has created everything for me only to eat and enjoy. And only the fisher man will get punished and not me!'...So, you go back happily praising me, thanking me etc.
Now the theory….

When we have contradicting beliefs, we get stressed. We want to adjust our beliefs and convictions...restructure them in our mind...so that we come out of the stress and live a peaceful life. This can happen at the cognitive level or behavioural level or both. In the above i have changed and made the person to adjust his beliefs so that the stress is relieved. This stressful condition is called cognitive dissonance.

There are nearly about several hundreds of mental disorders. We call them disorders because they are stressful and affect our day to day living.

DSM V lists all the disorders and they have ICD codes too.
All human beings exhibit only cognition, affect and behavioural components in life and all their problems are due to these three domains only...and we correct by adjusting these three domains!!😂

If these three have caused biological change in the body or brain, then only medication is required by going to Psychiatrist. Otherwise, a psychologist is enough.

(By the above example I am not promoting killing of living organisms (plants and animals) or non-vegetarianism. We are part of Nature, and are supposed to eat only for survival (not for pleasure), like the way all organisms do. For this it is enough to eat only those rejected by the plants in their natural form or through healthy cooking. E.g. fruits and seeds (grains).

In this case we are not killing or causing harm to any plant life or animal life and are physically and mentally healthy too. The biggest problem is we have tasted many pleasurable unhealthy foods or preparations that we are not able to live without them. This is similar to infants who reject mother’s milk or other healthy foods after tasting a soft drink or other foods of pleasure!!...)

In the above counselling we have made the person stress free and made him to listen to the counsellor. He is happy. Now he will listen to the counsellor because he believes that whatever he suggests will be good for his life. So, slowly and steadily he can be brought out of the non-vegetarianism too by Cognitive and Behaviour Therapies so that he lives a healthy life.

Peacefully yours…Rams…Psychologist!!