A bad boss can spoil a heaven into a hell!! A good boss can make us perceive a hell as a heaven!!

Dear all...THIS IS FOR TEACHERS, TEAM LEADS, ETC...when we get up in the morning, when we think 'what should i do now’ and if we think ‘Oh shit! I have to go to that hell called office (school/college)! I don’t want to go! I don’t want to meet that person! I hate my boss (teacher)! I don’t like the people there. I don’t like that environment!...I don't like the culture there!’ then it is a perfect example of a bad leadership or management.

Do you think we will be happy and performing (studying) throughout the day?

Do you think we will have peace and good health?

Is it not a precious life time wasted?

An organisation can be a heaven in all respects. But a bad boss/team lead can make it a hell!!...So, boss matters the most in any organisation!!

Peacefully yours...rams

COMMON SENSE and PRESENCE OF MIND are the weapons given by Nature to us!!

Dear all...if we exercise COMMON SENSE and PRESENCE OF MIND and think for a second before doing anything that the society or our social learning expects us to do, then we will land up doing the correct thing and the truth!!...This is where we get peace, happiness and health, as we will do Natural things which Nature has created us to do!!

These are the two basic things Nature has given to all of us to protect ourselves and do the right things. so, we need to exercise them and groom them. In most of the interviews they check for these two.

Do our parents or we, as parents...encourage these two from our children?...Do we groom these two?...Do we allow them to exercise these two?...Do the schools, our education system and teachers encourage or groom these two?...Many bosses groomed in this culture do they allow people to use these two?

Why?...What is the reason?...Our culture does not encourage or support this?

'I am the Head here. Boss here. Authority here. Teacher here. Father here. Mother here. I am born before you. I am right. I know better than you. Just do what i say!!'...This is what our society and people say!!'

And finally we blame the student/children for not getting the job!!

Grooming ego spoils everything in life!!

Peacefully yours...rams...

"SUCCESS that is achieved by losing peace, happiness and physical-mental-social well-being is actually not a success in true sense"

Dear all...any SUCCESS that is achieved in one's perception by losing peace, happiness and physical-mental-social well-being is actually not a success in true sense. Most of the goals in life can be achieved without losing peace, happiness and health. Some can also say achieving these three in the present world itself is a success.

Peacefully yours...rams...

Who is a good Leader and Manager?

Dear all...THIS IS FOR ALL PRESENT AND FUTURE WORKING PROFESSIONALS...

All of us are in organisations or social systems (e.g family) from the time of birth. At all these places we have at least one default role, status and associated responsibilities. We are supposed to perform some activities. The jobs we do are defined by the leader of the team or society...written or unwritten!

Sometimes we are not told what we are supposed to do but it is assumed that we know and we are supposed to know (e.g roles of husband, wife, father, brother, sister). At all these places we are associated with people to perform our activities. At any time we are members at some places and in some we are leaders or managers. Our status keeps changing in the same team/organisation at different times.

What is LEADERSHIP?...Who is a good MANAGER?

There are hundreds of definitions. Every individual defines these in his own way.

By looking at these two words, Leadership is all about dealing with People (other resources takes second place) and Manager is all about effective and efficient use of other resources (people take the second place), though people play the most important role at all organisations and social systems, more than the other resources!!

With Money, i.e Rs.100/- what we can do is defined. With Material i.e one sq foot of iron plate, what we can do is defined. But with people we can make an organisation or destroy an organisation. So, they are the most important element of home or office or society!

Initially, many years back every member of the family worked in agricultural farms together. Later when agro-industry manufacturing agro products or tools or providing services to farmers came up at nearby places outside the village the family members got separated when some went for jobs there. After some time government came up with government jobs with its job security and pension. So, many went to the nearby cities and joined government jobs. Everyone went for jobs for earning money so that they can bring more money to family for more comforts at home. So, family was their center of life and not the organisations. So, they were looking for organisations that can give more salary, less work, 9 to 5 or less than that, did not want promotions and transfers, wanted only more money through over time (not work!!).

Even today we have many who are in this frame of mind. Other day my daughter said ‘Dad, one of our professors named few government organisations and said ‘There is absolutely no job there. Total free time and cool. No one works there. You will get monthly salary, DA, secured job, promotions, pension etc without any tension. So, all of you should try to get government jobs!’. So, India has been a welfare state and the culture here is ‘I am entitled for my salary and it is my right, whether i work or not!’. Even in society everyone wants their rights, without knowing or not in a mood to accept that RIGHTS AND RESPONSIBILITIES go together and one cannot exist without the other!!...Everyone wants their rights and no one wants responsibility!...Though the youngsters are different but the oldies and the organisation culture set up by the oldies spoil or discourage them.

Karma principle of ‘Do your job. Don’t expect any outcomes. You will get what you deserve!’ is only in books. No one understood the real meaning and peace behind it. So, every one ridicules it and goes by their own definition and remain anxiety struck, get tons of curses, become lonely, get heart attack and die or get life style diseases before or just after getting their rewards!!

As in olden days everyone was poor and they needed only money to earn their living and bring in more comforts at home (for status too), it was PERSONNEL MANAGEMENT that was practiced which gave the strategies of ‘milking the cow’ with the salary and wages, rewards, perks, allowances etc. i.e keeping the people motivated with external factors.

Today everyone has the basic living and comfort needs met. So, it is more of internal factors that matter, i.e motivation has to come from within, though external factors form the bed rock motivator to join the organisation. There has to be a driving force inside the individual to work. So, PERSONNEL MANAGEMENT principles died their own death and HUMAN RESOURCE DEVELOPMENT AND MANAGEMENT principles came up after thorough researches about the human psyche, changing needs and wants at different ages and stages in life, considering the overall resourcefulness of an individual, with career plans of periodic training for growth.

So, coming back to Who is a good Leader or Who is a good Manager?

One who creates an environment at home or office or any other organisation where in...

1. The members when they get up in the morning and think ‘what should i do now’ and if they think ‘Oh shit! I have to go to that hell called office! I don’t want to go! I don’t want to meet that person! I hate my boss! I don’t like the people there. I don’t like that environment!’ then it is a perfect example of a bad leadership or management.

2. If the same employee thinks, ‘Whavvvvvvvvv!! I want to go to my office. I want to meet my people. Today i want to spend more time with my boss. He is such a radiating personality that i feel more energised, enlightened, motivated when i spend even few minutes with him. I can’t think of my day without seeing him at least once! He is more than a boss in my life. He is my guide, mentor, guru and well-wisher. I love my organisation. I love my team. I love that environment!’ then the credits go to the LEADER AND THE CULTURE AND ENVIRONMENT HE HAS CREATED IN THE TEAM/ORGANISATION!’.

3. Everyone in the team should not feel like going home. They should feel that they get more peace, empowerment, happiness and great flourishing relationships at office than at home. They should say that they get lost in their jobs and do not know how the time goes and only feel refreshed and entertained as they work more and more in a day.

4. Any outsider looking at the team should not be able to find out who is the leader of the team, i.e the leader should merge with the members totally that he is the invisible force behind the total dynamics. The outsider should go back thinking that THE CULTURE IS THE LEADER IN THIS TEAM with a wonder in the mind ‘whavv...the individual who created this team and culture is the TRUE LEADER!!’

5. Everyone in the team should feel ‘Come what may, i can’t put down my leader. I can’t see him unhappy. I work for him. He is the source of my energy and inspiration to work and live on this earth!’. When one commits any mistake he or she should feel ‘Woff! What sort of a blunder i made. I should not have done it. It put my boss to shame in front of his bosses! I will never commit such mistakes again in my life and put him in unpleasant and uncomfortable situations!’

6. Organisations change. Policies change. People change. But the memories, legacies and cultures we leave, remain hard in the minds of people and organisations.

7. So, ideal definition i can think off of a good leadership or manager is ‘one who etches a special place in the hearts of people and organisations as the best leader, mentor, guru, guide who placed the people and their growth, as the center for the growth of the organisation, makes them work and enjoy 24x7x365 at their full potential with total involvement while they also self-actualise!...It is an ideal definition. How much close we are able to take the organisation and people depends upon our successful leadership or managerial skills!!

Peacefully yours...rams...

"Sir, recession, Trump, demonetization, dynamic oil industry...How to cope up?"

Dear all...THIS IS FOR ALL...

Some years back recession all over the world hit the lives of people. Many lost their jobs. It affected the standard of living, education of children etc in a family.

Now the situation of petroleum industry across the world is making people to lose jobs. Demonetization is affecting the business and economy of families. I don't know what all will happen to the change in the Presidency at US and how a common family or man in India will get affected.

What do all these things teach us??

1. Job and Economy situation is going to be very highly dynamic in India and abroad now and in future, forever. Stable periods will be small/less.

2. We have no control on the factors outside us, even within our family or influential relatives. Changes in economy, policies of government, ruling party etc both in the state, country and in world can affect us badly. What will change and when, who will change and what...no one knows!!

3. So, we have to protect ourselves with the following:-

(a) One has to be multi-skilled, with multiple educational qualifications in fields/industries, and ready to grow widely and wildly like a banyan tree and not grow in one direction only vertically like an Asoka tree, which can be easily cut in no time by competitors but banyan tree can't be cut as no one knows where the roots and branches are in to the ground!!...Qualifications and skills on things common to all industries can be useful. e.g inspection, quality assurance, standardization etc.

(b) Be flexible to go anywhere on earth for work, education and living. Rigidity will kill us!

(c) Understand and accept that both girls and boys are equal in a family, society and in organisations.

(d) Come out of various sensitivities that affects and isolates us through differentiation and integrate with all without differences of religion, caste, race etc and living together in organisations and societies.

(e) Understand that both husband and wife have to work to ease out the hardships during hard times. Stopping the work will reduce the opportunities of getting job again. So, girls also should work continuously and remain competitive in order to not to lose job.

(f) Remain connected with multiple, related industries for working, knowledge sharing, part time support, specialist support etc simultaneously so that when one falls other one will support.

(g) Need to change with the changes around in all dimensions. (e.g changing to e transactions or cash-less business)

(g) "I know only this. I don't know anything more. I can't study and learn anything new at this age and stage. I have lived like this and can't change now. My family will also be like this only!...We are traditional and so it be. We want to protect our culture and can not allow it to change!"....such people can construct their graves immediately!

(h) Accept that one will lose jobs often due to we resigning or the organisation throwing us out. So, we should have enough savings to spend and live through these tough times of No-Job!!...Hard-rock savings of about 80% and playing with the dynamic market with 20% may be ok.

(i) High spiritual skills,positive psychological skills of understanding life and living to keep mind cool-calm-balanced-stable and accept the life or destiny as it comes, keeping the life and living simple to avoid any effect of outside changes on us, defining life and living

Peacefully yours...rams...

'sir, some bosses act as if they are kind, 'looking after' etc as a good management tactics...is it good?'

Dear all...THIS IS FOR ALL...HUMILITY and HUMANISM are Natural...Infants and children exhibit humility and humanism...without any preaching by anyone...so, these are Natural!!

With our so called grooming, preparing for future, preparing them to face the threats in life, culture, and all divisive methods like caste, religion, status, ego etc we turn them into unhappy, peace-less, in-human, unsocial people.

So, it is better to shred all those and again become Human beings faster to enjoy the freedom, happiness, peace, relationships and healthy mind!!

If some one manipulates (e.g bosses of organisations) for personal gains, then it can be sensed easily by others and such people will lose their value!...Some might get enlightened and change too in real life in this process which is a welcome change!! If it is the true nature of the person and comes from within Naturally, then it will be sensed, liked and loved by all in the organisation.

rams

discussion on a video...

our culture and indian way of grooming, only teaches ego, negative-pride, wrong beliefs, status-consciousness in the negative sense...That is why our Heads of families, states, organisations and their wives, children etc are like what they are, and not like Obama and his family here!!....rams....

http://www.bet.com/news/national/2016/11/24/obama-thanksgiving-dinner.html



one comment: "We are supposed to be unparalleled civilisation on earth with the history of more than 5 thousand years!!! Now how it could be wrong. .Senior? May be others are wrong not we. !!?"

My comment: "hai boss...if you have noticed my posts they are focused on simple basic things required in life i.e peace, happiness, good physical-mental-social well-being, contentment, self actualization, self-transcending etc...the ways and means of achieving them...This, probably was in Ancient India...that 5000 years back that you are talking about...is it there now in our life styles-families-social relationships-organisations etc?...In my opinion 'Comparative-Ego' i.e 'I am the head of the family, i am the father, i am the husband, i am the boss, every one should listen to me, i should behave like this only according to my ego-status, i should not behave like this, if i behave then i will lose my power, importance, image, authority, worth etc' is the one of the many things that brings distance between us and others, removes people, good relationships and the Vitals listed above...whereas if we think 'I am yet another human being, all are equal, all that i was given with will go one day i.e power, authority, status etc...they were only given to serve for others and organisations that gave me that...but it is keeping me away from others...what finally will remain with me is 'how good a human being i am, how much i am down-to-earth to reach to every one, how much people like me, how many would like to be with me in all dimensions of life'...this is my actual true wealth, authority, power, status...This thinking is true ancient Indian culture...we have lost it on the way somewhere in the sands of time...also comparative-ego only gives imaginary pleasures...'service' beyond all the ego gives 'happiness', 'satisfaction' 'fulfillment' 'enlightenment' 'contentment' 'meaning to life' 'calm, cool, peace and silence' to the mind...we actually get the true respect, power, status and authority only through this and not with the ego-status given by organisations/social systems!!....this is my opinion and personal experience..."

His comment: "Agreed senior but what is happening in reality I is contradictory. It is sad."

My comment: " that is what i have written in those four lines above the video boss...in this video Obama and his family members have that spirituality and enlightenment to be down to earth, reach out to every one throwing away the status given to them by the people of the country (in fact the people gave them that power only because they are true human beings?...who knows!)...we and our people in power, authority etc do not do it, think 'this behaviour is not respectable and not commensurate with their status and power'...even the men in families do that at their homes (and lose their wife and children in some domains) and lose out on the happy moments and true authority and power...many lose their friends and other relationships...Ancient Indian culture has many good things and many cultures in the world have those things even now...but we have lost it...Humility and Humanness is finally what is respected and loved and not which country or culture or caste or religion or faith or language or social/organisational status one holds...so, let us shred our ego and enjoy the true freedom and togetherness with others boss!!

we have too many things in our life which do not add any value to our life and living...if we remove them, our life will become too simple and easy....

emotional attachment and too much of sensitization to too many things irrelevant for life for a peaceful and healthy living...increased urges due to unhealthy life styles...these are the evils presently...all of them are not NATURAL, but LEARNT while growing, WHICH CAN BE UNLEARNT!!....rams...

THIS IS FOR ALL STUDENTS...ESPECIALLY IN COLLEGE...

Dear all....THIS IS FOR STUDENTS....

The biggest disease in the minds of students and the people around is 'I 'some how' want to get a job'!

The end result is...

1. They listen to and get guided or carried away by the words of seniors ('that subject is not required for IT job, so don't read'...'read only this, this is enough to get a job') and classmates who also have the same disease.

2. They don't listen to the teachers who are right and have more experience in providing all those necessary for job and beyond!!

3. Parents are the biggest virus in putting this disease in their minds.

4. They don't read many subjects.

5. Don't take interest in reading many topics, subjects in-depth, wide and deep and loose out many good things important for their profession.

6. 'If you run behind job, you will not get job or get only a temporary 'so-so' job!...You will always be sad, anxiety struck, fall in to relationships which might further aggravate the situation, not enjoy your hostel or college life.

7. Instead feel like 'I have been sent to a Treasure Island by God. 'He has told me 'You have lots of treasures here. Knowledge, experience, skills, fun, flourishing relationships, memories and people/places which can give all these!'...How much you take is your ability. If you don't take the treasures, waste time and go out, it is your problem!...You have only four / two/ three years for this oppurtunity. After that you can not come back to get them! Opportunity left is, wealth lost forever!...After spending lakhs through loans to open the gate of this Treasure, if you don't take as much as possible, then you are the biggest fool and losing the best and only oppurtunity of life time relevant for that age!...You can't again come back or get that age or environment again!'

8. The above thought will make you spend more time in labs, library, with professors, professionals and friends in discussions on subjects, skills development (arranging programmes, events, projects, researches, workshops, seminars, club/association activities, sports activities, social responsibility programmes, NCC, NSS, visual media programmes etc), projects, internships, conferences etc. You will spend more useful and value added time in classrooms, college and hostel.

9. No one knows which knowledge, experience, learning and skill will be useful, when and which moment in personal or professional or social life. So, it is wiser not to leave any learning moment anywhere in campus. All subjects, skills and experience will be certain useful in life.

10. We have paid and spending precious time period of our life in class rooms and labs. Why not take some usefulness out of it?

11. It is wiser to take as much knowledge and experience from the teachers as possible (i.e insert a 64 GB pendrive inside the brain of each professor, download all that they have in their brains and download all the data in your brain). Also transfer all the knowledge inside all the computers and facilities into your brain.

12. We must have fun too. Work, entertainment and rest need to be balanced. Anything we do without anxiety and looking for results but with involvement and being in the present, losing ourselves in it becomes entertainment, and not work!!...It could be studies or arranging events etc.

13. If our aim is "I am here to learn as much as possible. I will spend my every moment towards this and enjoy the process!...I am not here to just get a job!". Then you will get the best and many of the jobs!...Else you will be a mad, sad and a frustrated sweating dog in the campus with anxiety, arrears, relationship failures and go out with only bad memories and nothing in the hand!!

So, the crux is...

1. Don't listen to your friends and seniors...things that are negative to your common sense!

2. Listen to positive friends and teachers!

3. Make long term/life long flourishing relationships (that help you to grow) and not just fun and pleasure based short term relationships that can only waste your life-time, energy, money and give painful memories.

4. Add valuable, happy and learning memories of college life and not memories that will make you feel sad and put you in tears when you recollect later on in life!

5. Be wiser and not a loser!

6. If you run behind job then you will not get a job or a good job. If you run behind unlimited knowledge, abundant skills and overall/total personality development then you are sure to get many jobs, dream jobs and you can decide to choose one among many on your plate. Else you will be a beggar on the roads with a plate in your hand for a job!!

7. It is a one time unique oppurtunity and you will not get it ever again in life...as you can't get that age and moments back in life!!

So, are you a wiser or a loser??

Peacefully yours...rams...

THIS IS FOR ALL COLLEGE STUDENTS....

Dear all...by costing or quantifying the value of some people and relationships will only make us lose those people and relationships, not perceive abundant peace and happiness, as they are invaluable in our life!!

Peacefully yours...rams...

Dear all...THIS IS MAINLY FOR COLLEGE STUDENTS...

Most of the issues related to college students are related to RELATIONSHIPS...

So, thought give some facts and truths of relationships...

1. Any relationship that is based on pleasure, needs, wants etc will remain only for short time, even in marriage relationship!

2. In a marriage relationship at the most can get converted into relationship of commitment.

3. Any relationship that is based on improving the other person's life without any expectations will remain for life time. i.e UNCONDITIONAL FLOURISHING RELATIONSHIP.

4. A devotee relationship where one loves the other person beyond needs and wants, meets all the needs of the other, devotes the entire life for the other person, will also live for life time (there may not be the element of 'FLOURISHING' in this)

5. TIME and PATIENCE are the two things that can bring in love or patch up the strained or broken relationships. Because life is dynamic. Evverything changes!! Body, mind, needs, wants, internal body functioning, life situations, life events, family, people around, climate, place of living, job situations...NOTHING IS STATIC!!...So, we need to have lots of patience to use positive methods and wait giving the other person the TIME.

6. Relationships should be Natural and Love and Caring has to be Natural, from within. If manipulated to attract or keep a person in life, then it breaks.

7. Evvery relationship becomes a 'curd rice' after time, may not break, remain committed too, but it just remains there!!...Of course, spicing up is possible if both take interest.

8. Today every one has ocean of opportunities to make or break relationships and easily. Only those who want to make a meaning in their life and in others' life take efforts to retain relationships.

9. Many do not want life long relationships and look for only pleasure (they call it happiness!).

10. Lots of precious life-time, energy, money etc gets spent in forming relationships. So, people who make life time relationships are wise.

11. Those who make the best of the life-time relationships live longer with contentment and fulfillment without any diseases!!...Those who make short term relationships suffer with physical, mental and social illnesses and die early!

12. The beginning of every relationship is sparkling and it loses its sparkles when POSSESSIVENESS creeps in!

13. Level and endurance of adaptation will decide the happiness and peace and life-time of a relationship.

Keep rocking...Peacefully yours...Rams!!

Cost and Value of People and Relationships!!

Dear all...THIS IS FOR ALL...As long as we perceive the worth of a person or relationship by converting it into money value, we will not get happiness from that person or relationship. We will only get short lived pleasures and urges, frustrations, sadness, tears, and loneliness will follow!!...If we lose the person or relationship...if we have not enjoyed the person or relationship...if we are not satisfied with the person or relationship...if we lose a person or relationship...if we keep fighting with a person and feel the person is not right for us...It is all because we calculated the worth of the person or relationship in terms of directly or indirectly as money or wealth.

If we had perceived the VALUE OF THE PERSON AND RELATIONSHIP AS A WHOLE IN OUR LIFE, then we would have enjoyed the happiness, felt the treasure, would have never felt lonely, enjoyed the friendship, companionship, love and affection.

So, it is all because of us and our wrong cultural learning!!..Nothing to do with the other person!!

Peacefully yours...rams....

What is the purpose for which Nature has given this form or life to us?

Dear all...THIS IS FOR ALL...

Life is too simple. Nature felt we deserve a good holiday to learn, socialise and enjoy. So, it gave us a BODY and MIND and sent us to this earth saying 'Hai!!...Here is your bonanza holiday trip which you truly deserve!!...Go to earth, the garden which is all yours, and enjoy its beauty!!...Everything is free!!...Human beings like you have created some for which they charge money. They only will give you pleasure. But the true things which give you happiness are all yours and free. You can only use it and enjoy without destroying it. If you destroy, you will get destroyed.

I have given a body so that you can move around. I have given you a mind so that you can APPRECIATE AND PERCEIVE THE POSITIVES...i.e THE BEAUTY OF PEOPLE, ANIMALS, PLANTS...i.e NATURE!...I have given you the FEELINGS so that you can feel too and enjoy!!

If you spoil them with diseases then you will lose this oppurtunity to enjoy the earth!!...All in your hands!!...When and what will happen to you?...No one knows!!...So, enjoy to the chore without spoiling the body and mind.

Are we enjoying this life?
Are we enjoying the beauty of this earth?
Are we enjoying the things free in Nature?
Are we protecting our body and mind so that they are with us for a longer time?
Are we enjoying the people and the relationships we make?
When will Nature remove the life from our body?

These are the basics of life and all others are clutters!!

It is time to think!!...Also teach our children about this Fact of Life!!

It is only TIME that we have as OUR WEALTH. HEALTH is the only tool to increase this time!!

Peacefully yours....rams...

Some funny and reality facts of life...

Dear all...THIS IS FOR ALL...

Nature throws different challenges to us at different stages in life and keeps changing the bait in front of us in an amazing way. It keeps changing the needs, wants and comforts. It keeps changing the way we define our life and living. Therefore the people we want in life, our intensity of relationships also changes.

As a child we want toys, as a teenager we want 'Live toys'!...As an adult our interests are job, money, wealth, status, power, authority, abroad visits, friendships, child production and grooming, physical intimacy and sexual needs, variety of food-people-relationships-dress-vehicle-jobs etc.

Changes in gynaec system functioning changes the needs and wants drastically. It appears that what ever we wanted till then is all a big farce and life has been wasted!...What ever we acquired till then is not required and something else is the actual need. The truth of life unfolds in front of us!!...Then we start giving it back....some of them are money, wealth and such other pleasurable things.

Both the professionally successful person and a non-successful person understand the meaning of life, wake up after some time. The non-successful person learns when he fails in his attempts. Successful person learns when he gets the shock in life through death of an important person in his life, loss of health, loss of wealth/property, loss of money, loss of the most important relationship etc. So, both the parties realise that they were in a fantasy world!!

That is why scientists say all choices and preferences till 40 (education, job, life mate, definition of life-family-marriage) are FANTASY choices and after 40 only we start understanding Meaning of Life and Living and thereafter it is all REALITY choices, provided we make an attempt to change after this understanding.

So, the crux is...

1. The concept of what is right, what is wrong, what is life, what is love, what is marriage, what is family, what is truth, what is false, what is good or bad, what is a relationship, how to live, whom we need, whom we don't need, what we want etc is different for different people in different stages of life...i.e 13 to 18, 18 to 40, 40 to 60, 60 to 80 and >80...Every one sees everything differently and thinks other person is wrong, funny and foolish!!...Even if we pass through a stage in life, we forget it after some years and look at younger people to be crazy, unrealistic (as if we were realistic!), irresponsible etc. If we can't understand and forget the stages we passed thorough then how can we understand the issues, beliefs and feelings of people elder to us and they will appear funny and unrealistic only!!

2. Only when we reach that age in life we understand the perceptions related to that age!! i.e only people of same age understand each other better!! (so, don't marry with more than 2 or 3 years of age difference!!...Same age is perfect!)

3. Both the successful and unsuccessful person land up in learning the same meaning of life.

4. At some point in life we feel everything we did or ran behind and spent too much of energy and time in getting them is all a waste and the definition of our life changes, till the gains of that stage also is perceived as a waste!!

5. Nothing and No one will come with us till end of life except our body and mind with the memories, knowledge, skills, experience and wisdom 'learnt'!!...People, places, life events, relationships...all come and go!!...Nothing is stationary or constant. All are dynamic. So, don't compromise or sacrifice with these vital parts of our life and time spent for gathering these is the Life Spent worthwhile and Meaningfully!!

Peacefully yours...rams...health psychologist...

AN INTERESTING AND IMPORTANT POST FOR ALL COLLEGE STUDENTS AND UNMARRIED TO READ...AS MANY IN THEIR LIFE ARE IN THIS CONDITION TODAY...(of course, their parents too can read who are not in knowledge of condition of their children and floating in their own imaginary, redundant, obsolete world!!)

Dear all...AN INTERESTING AND IMPORTANT POST FOR ALL COLLEGE STUDENTS AND UNMARRIED TO READ...AS MANY IN THEIR LIFE ARE IN THIS CONDITION TODAY...(of course, their parents too can read who are not in knowledge of condition of their children and floating in their own imaginary, redundant, obsolete world!!)

This is a conversation...

Boy: 'I am in deep love with a girl for the past 10 years sir. I can't imagine my life with out her. I want to live with her. I want to spend every moment of my life with her. I have been living all these 10 years for her only, with her only in my fantasies, all 24 hours!! Of course, i work and earn, do all my chores but my mind all the time thinks about that girl only. She is the most beautiful girl for me and no one else appears beautiful to my eyes. I look after her so nicely in her all ups and downs!'

Me: 'ok, what is the issue then?...get married and live!'

Boy: She says 'Ramesh, i like you very very much. You are a god sent person in my life. No one can ever look after me like this on earth. That is for sure. Even if i marry some one it is impossible for him to care for me like this. But i don't love you. I only like you. I have told this many times. In fact many times i broke up also. You only came, begged and continued this friendship!

You are the most beautiful human being on earth. No doubts. But i don't get aroused with you. I am deeply committed to you, your love for me and our relationship. At any cost i can't lose you and our relationship in my life ever. You are the center of my life. But i am not in love with you. I am not dreaming about you, my mind does not say that i have to be with you always, i don't miss you, all that the heroes and heroines do in movies i am not doing with you, or imagining doing with you. I don't get aroused with you, but you are there at the back of my mind always!

I don't know what will happen to me if you leave my life. If i marry you, and in case i fall in love with some one else then i don't know how my life will be!

My parents also insist that i should marry you. But they are not able to understand my condition. How can i marry a person whom i am not loving and not getting aroused. When i say 'He is my bestie and the best friend i can ever get on earth!' they don't understand.

May be that i am not still ready for marriage, who knows!...I know that i am not so beautiful as you describe, black etc. Till now no one has loved me like this and i don't know if any one will love me so much. Even if i fall in love with some one i don't know if that guy will love me and love me so much like you. All these are there. But all these thoughts also do not make me to fall in love with you, what can i do?...Even i don't like this condition of mine. I also feel bad to tell you this every time when you tell me all those adoring words.

My parents also shout at me saying 'what is the guarantee that the boy whom you love will look after you so well?...what will happen if he happens to be a flirt or rogue?...Are you mad?...you say ramesh is the best, then why can't you marry him?...what is important...love or caring? How can you have a husband whom you love and another boy friend who is your best friend, more than your husband and he taking care of you better than your husband in your opinion?...Will any lover and husband accept this?...What will happen to ramesh who is totally dedicated and living for you all his life?...How will he bear seeing his lover and fantasy-wife loving and living with some one else?...he and his family are the best. So, you marrying him is the best for your life!'...

Even my friends say the same thing. But no one is able to understand my condition!!...I never saw you as my lover or would be. You have always been my friend only. I have told you also several times when you said 'I love you!'...I never asked you for any help. You only run and help me knowing what i can and what i can not. No one on this earth knows soooooo well about me and no one on this earth can adapt to me and change for me like this. You know every pulse of me and you know what i think and how i will behave any time. You can make out what is the wrong with me in a second and do exactly what is required for me. But..but..but..but...i don't love you ramesh!!...i don't know what to do!!...I really feel bad for my condition.

I want to fall in love and want to have those feelings that we see in the movies. I want to enjoy that love the way movie heroines enjoy. I want to marry only the guy whom i love. I still don't know if i will ever fall in love with you. I still don't know if my lover will accept you in my life as my best friend. Will he be able to understand our friendship. Will he accept your love for me?...Will he believe that i have never touched you even in my fantasies!!...I don't know what i will do in case he tells me to cut off your friendship, which i can't!...But i am sure that you will never leave me and you will be with me till end of my life"

Boy: This is what she says sir. But i have decided not to marry any one else. My parents also tell me to marry some one else and many are lined up in my relative circles. They all shout at me and call me mad. They say unless i marry my sisters can not get married. But no one is able to understand my condition. How can i marry some one when i am already living with some one in my mind last 10 years!!!..How can any girl marry me if she comes to know off this?...Parents are only interested in completing their responsibilities, tortures of relatives who ask them 'why are you not thinking about marriage of your son who is 30 years old and two girls are waiting and you are also getting old and nearing retirement, so get them married off soon!'...But whom will i go and tell my issues?

Me: Your parents know about your love?

Boy: yes, my sisters also know. My parents force me but my sisters do not force me. They understand my condition. My parents say if i do inter-caste marriage then how can any one marry my sisters from our relatives or same caste. I don't know what to do sir.

Analysis: This is an excellent example to show that caring for some one does not guarantee obsessional love from the other person. They also might care for the person and remain committed. But obsessional love is not guaranteed. This is true in married life too. But many spouses do not tell their better halves 'I don't love you. I am only committed!'...Both assume and presume that the other person loves them and the life goes on and on!!

No one knows who will fall in love with whom and when. So, this girl might fall in love with this boy some time in life or may not also. She might or might not fall in love with some one else. There are many cases wherein boys and girls marry as per the wish of their parents, but later on fall in obsessional love with some one else and suffer within or elope or live a dual life. They say 'I am committed to my husband but i don't love him. I can't leave him also because he loves me soooo much!!...But now i am deeply in love with this person and live with him in my heart. He is my soul mate. There is no way i can forget him and get back. I love my children too!'...There are several variations in this depending upon the mind set of different people!!

we have as many loves on this earth depending upon the number of human beings lived, living and will live on this earth!!...Every love is different, every story is different!!

This happens with both the genders!!

It is not necessary that every one born on this earth has to get married, produce children and live a traditional family life and at the right age as felt by society/parents. In fact many are unfit for such a married life and they define marriage and family differently which their parents do not know and they marry off their children by force or brainwashing etc and finally curse them when they approach for divorce that they don't know how to live a married life!!...Did the parents teach or any college teach?...Can the parents understand the psyche or professional and other social requirements of their grown up and working child-adults?...They only know one married life and presume every one is fit for such a life!!

So, the solution is...

1. Boy can remain unmarried living his devotee life waiting for her. Nothing wrong and no other way. His sisters can get married. His parents have to understand his mind and respect his resolve and tell all those who ask or talk all ill about their son to 'f' off and support their son!!...This is the way to retain peace, happiness and health at home. They can probably accept that girl as their daughter or daughter in law and look after her nicely. Probably this might change her mind. If they do anything else as shown in movies or TV serials then they will live like those tv serial characters only!!

2. The girls' parents also should accept that their daughter is not ready for marriage yet. Instead of brainwashing her they must support her, help her, and love ramesh as their son and accept him in their family. This will also probably change the girl's mind one day. Her parents should say 'f' off to all their relatives and friends who gossip, talk all rubbish, force them to break the relationship etc and support their daughter and ramesh.

3. Any thing else done in haste will be a waste and disaster!!

4. One positive thing is both the parents have not quarreled the way they do in movies and tv serials. We have to tell sabhash to the parents of the girl to accept the boy and his family!!

Peacefully yours....rams .....health psychologist!!

'you are sure to lose your jobs many times and save enough to live during no-job times and become multi-skilled and more qualified academically and professionally for survival'

Dear all...THIS IS FOR THOSE WORKING IN PRIVATE ORGANISATIONS...

Those working in private organisations are sure to lose their job (or resign themselves) many times in their professional life cycle due to changes in policies, economic conditions, leadership, government etc. There are thousands of reasons why they will lose their job or the organisations can throw them out even if they are the bestest of the best employees.

Generally at the young age when we get a job, we tend to become complacent, start floating in the pleasures and dreams, forget this fact and may not get sensitized about this truth of life and feel miserable only when we lose our jobs!

Therefore, hard rock safe savings is important to pull on the family life during this period of job-loss.

Also adding more and multiple professional or academic qualifications, skills is important to branch out when our head gets cut, like a neem tree!!...If we are good only in one, and when that industry falls down, we will lose the job and we will not know what to do and where to go. If we are multi qualified and skilled then we can take up jobs in other industries. E.g engineers should pursue higher studies too and connect themselves with educational institutions and research organisations so that even if they are thrown out by the corporate world, the other two industries will stretch their hands and absorb.

Asoka tree takes about 40 years to grow tall and big. But its trunk can be cut in few minutes or seconds. Banyan tree also takes the same number of years to grow. But it spreads its branches and roots far deep and wide. No one knows where its roots are and the roots from the branches are!!...It can never be killed and demolished!!

So, be like a banyan tree, and not grow like an Asoka tree!!

The crux is....you are sure to lose your jobs many times and save enough to live during no-job times and become multi-skilled and more qualified academically and professionally for survival.

Peacefully yours...rams...

'calculating worth of people and relationships as money or wealth or other benefits will make us lose them one day.Instead we need to look at them in entirety for their overall VALUE in our life in terms of peace, happiness and good health.Then we will have them and their relationship throughout our life"

Dear all...THIS IS FOR ALL...

Though our country had lots of wisdom of life and living few thousand years back that protected the peace, happiness and health of people, subsequent changes in social systems resulted in people running behind money and wealth as they thought they can get anything and everything on this earth. They used the money and wealth for bringing status, power, authority and difference between others and themselves to satisfy their ego.

So, in this country every one from educated to uneducated, poor to rich, powerful to powerless, people in any attire, are running behind money and wealth madly, losing their body and mind which are their sole properties!

This has resulted in CALCULATING THE WORTH OF PEOPLE, RELATIONSHIPS, SERVICES, KIND GESTURES, HELPS, HUMANITY etc in the form of money!...We calculate the worth of a person by how much money or material benefits or services that he can give to us which can be converted into money or wealth by us. This holds good in relationships too. Any big or important help or selfless service rendered by our people around also is converted into money value by our brain and returned in same money or kind. This is what has been taught by our parents, grandparents and forefathers!!....Sadddddddddddddd!!

The end result is we only get SHORT LIVED PLEASURES, lose the people and relationships. We might get some new friends from whom again we might calculate monetary benefits. But the truth is we will never get the true happiness, love and affection and long lived relationships and people. Even in marriages our calculations of monetary gains/losses are more than the VALUE of people and their overall worth in life for peace, happiness, health, companionship, love and affection.

AS LONG AS WE CALCULATE THE WORTH OF PEOPLE AND RELATIONSHIPS BY MONETARY OR MATERIAL VALUE WE WILL NOT GET LOVE AND AFFECTION FROM THEM AND PEOPLE AND RELATIONSHIPS WILL NOT LAST FOR LIFE TIME AND WE WILL BE LEFT LONELY WITHOUT PEACE, CONTENTMENT, FULFILLMENT AND A DEEP VOID WILL ALWAYS EXIST AND KILL US!!

So, the crux is...

We need to come out of this culture of calculating the worth of people and relationships as money. We need to see the VALUE of the people and relationships in our life in entirety in terms of total peace, happiness, good health though which we can earn our money or wealth by our own selves.

peacefully yours...rams...

THIS IS FOR THOSE WHO ARE IN TO BOTH SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE AND NON ACCEPTABLE 'RELATIONSHIPS'...

Dear all...THIS IS FOR THOSE WHO ARE IN TO BOTH SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE AND NON ACCEPTABLE 'RELATIONSHIPS'.....

We call every phase of development and growth as IT REVOLUTION, GREEN REVOLUTION, WHITE REVOLUTION ETC...The present phase of social development or growth can be called as RELATIONSHIPS REVOLUTION!!

TECHNOLOGY DEVELOPMENT IS NOT IN THE HANDS OF AN INDIVIDUAL AND IT ALWAYS DICTATES THE CULTURE OR LIFE STYLE of an individual or a society!!

Invasion of Internet and subsequently the wonder gadget called mobile phones with internet has revolutionized our social systems, the way we communicate and relationships!!

Every one today has a mobile from 17 years to 90 years. It has internet. Mostly whatsapp or facebook or twitter or such other social networks. This makes communication and search for people and relationships easy.

Teenage or any age when a person feels teenager like, the individual is into a spurt of relationships. There is an urge for talking to people, sharing the emotions, knowledge, feelings or thoughts, life events or issues, seeking solutions, support, help or whatever. Every one has hundreds and thousands of contacts. Communication takes place in written or oral or visual etc may be with emotions.

NO ONE KNOWS HOW MANY PEOPLE ONE IS IN RELATIONSHIP WITH AT ANY TIME. HOW MANY TYPES OF RELATIONSHIPS IS ALSO NOT KNOWN. So, when one starts a contact or acquaintance or relationship it is like plunging into an unknown ocean where the depth, under currents, the world under the water, the people there etc are not known. Especially in the case of teenagers or early adults. So, it is high risk activity every one undertakes these days.

Managing the groups, mails, posts, shares, people, emotions, relationships has become a stressful activity. In fact many feel relieved if they are away from all these for few minutes of days. It has become an addiction and painful pleasure, so no one wants to leave it!

There is a basic need of socialisation as we are social animals and without happy, peaceful and flourishing relationships we can not be physically and mentally healthy. This needs is the Trigger!

There is also an inquisitiveness to know about known and unknown people!...This is the Driver!!

THE FIRST PHASE OF EVERY RELATIONSHIP IS EXCITING!!...WHERE ONE WANTS TO KNOW ABOUT THE OTHER, MEETING IN PERSON, EXCHANGING EMOTIONS AND THEIR INDIVIDUAL NEEDS, LOVE AND AFFECTION OR PHYSICAL INTIMACIES ARE INTERESTING, FULL OF THRILL, ANXIETY, FUN, PLEASURE, HAPPINESS ETC.

NO ONE WANTS TO LOSE A RELATIONSHIP AND THEREFORE THEY TELL LOTS OF LIES, SUPPRESSION OF FACTS, SUGAR COATING OR MODIFICATION OF TRUTHS, FAKE IMAGE CREATION ETC WHICH ARE RELATIONSHIP INHIBITORS.

NO RELATIONSHIP WHICH IS MANIPULATED, CALCULATED, STRATEGIES MADE, PLUSES AND MINUSES WEIGHED, MADE FOR NEEDS AND WANTS CAN REMAIN FOR A LONGER TIME.

In fact there are some people who do not want longer relationships. They want short time relationships for material or short term gains. Once the needs are met they become 'out of coverage area' or 'switched off' or 'i am busy!'. This is an indication that the chapter is closed. Some times they find a reason to block etc.

BUT THE TRUTH IS EVERY RELATIONSHIPS BECOMES A 'CURD RICE' AFTER SOME TIME!...Boring, monotonous, no spice!..nothing new and exciting. The thrill goes off. Day and night talk become once in a while name sake energy-less emotionless 'helo'.

In the case of sexual relationships some stop after one mating. Some go on for some time till they know what each other has or can do and once it loses its spice then the relationships slowly loses communication, intensity, duration and stops.

If they get married it turns out into a boring but committed relationship where the person feels a responsibility in the relationship to care, look after, maintain etc but that domain of obsessional love of deep, strong, bubbling emotions every moment is lost.

The committed relationship also can happen out of marriage if the person feels responsible for the relationship or the person or the present/past dynamics in the relationship between them, after the obsessional love is lost!

Generally only the first phase of excitement is only referred as LOVE. Subsequent painful phases of possessiveness, suspicion, checking out the mobiles-social network accounts etc, finding out faults, applying controls, demands, spying/policing/sniffing, shouting, frustrations, fights etc makes either people leave the relationship or making agreements and continuing for some more time goes on. Most of the loves break here when the lies and suppressed facts come to surface and does not go to the third stage at all.

Everyone has boundaries according to their envelope of comfort. When this is broken the relationship breaks. When the other person is not comfortable with the boundaries and limitations of the other person, then also it breaks.

In many cases the perception of relationships is different by both people e.g girls perceives the boy as 'brother' and boy perceives her as 'lover' i.e with sexual needs.

Every one perceives their missing relationship in life with the other person. e.g a girl misses a father or brother perceives a father/brother in the other person...

MOST OF THE RELATIONSHIPS BREAK WHEN THEIR NEEDS ARE NOT MET OR NEED LEVELS ARE NOT MET OR NEEDS ARE COMPLETELY SATIATED AND NEEDS DO NOT EXIST ANY MORE WITH THAT PERSON.

Many people become psycho when their 'first relationship' breaks. It affects their education, job, family life etc. Some of them become addicts. Some kill themselves. Some move on and get in to further relationships.

So, the crux is....

1. Today, everyone has many people in their lives at any time with different levels of relationships either in fantasies or reality. This has to be accepted. Else no peace and the relationship is sure to break!

2. If both put-in efforts to keep the relationship spicy, if they understand the value of people and relationships in life for their peace, happiness and good health, make the relationship devotional, then it can last a life time!

3. The only way to keep people, relationships, love, peace, happiness, good physical and mental health is to be truthful, non exploitative, innocent like, less needs-wants-expectations-possessiveness and perceive devotional love relationship.

4. Any one who hops, cheats, exploits, manipulates, deserts from a genuine relationship intentionally will 200% land up with mental illnesses, spoiled love/family life, cheated children by others in relationships.

5. Most of the relationships break when one has physical relationship with others.

6. Most of the relationships are for material benefits, pleasures etc so they don't last longer. (but they say it is for happiness!...whereas happiness comes in giving and pleasure comes in taking. If one was giving without expectations then the individual would have derived happiness and not broken the relationship and such a relationship only will last a life time!)

7. Stress, changed life situations, changed interests-needs-wants-expectations etc also breaks or makes relationships.

8. Keeping the life simple, eating non-spicy food, keeping the urges low and making the needs, wants, expectations less through healthy life styles filled with yoga, meditation and following life styles that enhance Emotional Quotient, Spiritual Quotient, keeping ourselves busy etc are some of the methods of not plunging into this unknown ocean full of the above things.

9. Having some goal, passion, art form that can make us self actualize and being focused in that also will help.

10. We have only one life. It is a gift given to us. We don't know when we will die and lose this fantastic opportunity to live on this beautiful earth. It is a wasted life to die without seeing the beauty of this earth. When we say 'I' it refers to our BODY & MIND (logical part)/HEART (emotional part). These are the two best gifts given to us to live this life, enjoy pleasures and happiness. Our body & heart/mind are ours! They are most sacred to us! The most valuable in our life. They are like the Temples where the God called Soul rests. Our entire life, peace, happiness, contentment, fulfillment etc depends on ONLY these two. Nothing and no one can enter our body or mind or heart, spoil these two if we understand the definition of life, meaning of life and guard ourselves. Abusing them will make us to lose them and this golden opportunity to live. They are not garbage bins. But we abuse them to the maximum for material benefits and undue pleasures. So, they give up giving us diseases, ailments and death. If we put in positive thoughts, positive emotions, positive behaviours en-capsuled with love and affection then we can protect them, enjoy the life and enjoy the devotional relationships too!!

Peacefully yours...rams...health psychologist.