Life is all about Living...and Living is all about Learning to Love!!

Dear all...

we asked for love in our lives...

so we are being taught about love in so many practical ways...

in ways that we never even wanted...

love is being taught to us in depth in so many subtle ways....

thru separation,

thru acceptance,

thru transcending needs and wants and desires or expectations,

thru heart intensity,

thru wisdom,

thru letting go,

thru observing our heart and head conflicts,

thru such tests....

and finally reach the state of 'NOTHING MATTERS TO ME IN LIFE!'

can any one remain without asking for love and live??

peacefully yours...rams...

we get what we wish for, from the Nature, but it first makes us to understand what it is, the value of it, and then makes us 'feel' that we have got it!!...Fantastic!!

Dear all...haa.haa.haa....

Be careful what you wish for!!

If you wish for courage, then lot of experiences that test your courage happens in your life!!

If you wish for love then lots of life events occur which test your love for the other person!!...love for others at home, society and office!!....Tough situations that test your emotional relationship with the other person keep occurring that you keep learning about love throughout and finally you understand what love is and get it too, may not be that person, but the LOVE, the feeling of security that i am not alone, some one or somethings are there to care for me, to love me unconditionally, to support me, to encourage me, to elevate me, to make me feel the feeling of freedom!!

So, one can get kisses, hugs, sex without love easily...but getting love is difficult...for that one has to undergo all the ordeal of knowing, understanding, appreciating and feeling what love is...and only at the end of it they realise that they have got it!!

rams

'sir, i keep delaying things. I know i have to do. But postpone and do different things that interest me!'..hmmmmmmmmmmmm....

Dear all...some tit-bits...

1. If you are in middle of life, and if you are caught in procrastination

(Procrastination is the avoidance of doing a task which needs to be accomplished. It is the practice of doing more pleasurable things in place of less pleasurable ones, or carrying out less urgent tasks instead of more urgent ones, thus putting off impending tasks to a later time. Sometimes, procrastination takes place until the "last minute" before a deadline. People may procrastinate personal issues (raising a stressful issue with a partner), health issues (seeing a doctor or dentist), home care issues (patching a leak in a roof), or academic/work obligations (completing a report). procrastination can lead to feelings of guilt, inadequacy, depression and self-doubt) then it means you have started going back in age. I.e your interests, moods, definition of life, way of living etc has changed to be like that of an 'irresponsible' stage in life...i.e adolescence!!...after few years you will become like a child...innocent, not caring about anything and for any one, etc...(normally above 70 yrs)...then after 80 we become infant like...i.e requiring the help of others for everything (you take a paper and write what an infant can do and can not do...match it with that of a person over 80 or 85 yrs...you will find matching..with respect the body condition, thinking, eating, emotions, behaviours, what he can do and can not do etc)

so, self awareness about this phenomenon of entering into procrastination is important, so that we can come out of it, allocate priority for tasks and accomplish them. Otherwise, wife will keep shouting 'What happened to you!...these days you have become like a child and not doing anything for the house! Better bloody pull up!'...and if you don't improve she will start taking out the frustration on others at home and neighbours. Because when one goes into procrastination at home, the load on the other increases. If both are ruled by this monkey, then the children suffer and if they take it positively then they start doing things on their own and mature.

so, let us be aware....

rams!!

when to go to god and temples?

Hai friends…how are you?

You can meet me at facebook …just sign in…type ‘Manickarajan Ramasubramanian’ in search window…press enter…you will find me!

There is a beautiful hindi movie ‘OH MY GOD (OMG)’…it is worth watching…now let us go to the matter…

What does god want from us?...standing in the queue for hours to see him?...paying a big sum to see him?...to get crushed in crowd to see him for few  seconds?...to see him only on auspicious days, dates and times?...to give him money and wealth?...is there any god who is poor?...is there any one between god and people?...any one of them poor? any one of them suffering? have you seen their lives?...which are places or who are the people where money, wealth, worldly pleasures are filled in abundance? where is the problem?...who is at fault?

Is there any god who is not powerful?...is there any god who cannot look after us and bless us with our wish list?...if yes then why to have that useless god?...if no then why so many gods?...do we have gods only to meet the requirements of people here?...to do whatever we say?...our servant?...our genie with magical powers?...

 is there any temple which is not worth visiting?...how many gods are there?...is there any god for each family called ‘family god’?...to count the number of gods we have to count the number of families, castes, sub castes, sub caste groups, religions, the lorries (each lorry has name of a different god!), the number of people with god’s names!

Inside the temple…god has a roof…wears only silk garments…every day new dress…lots of flowers, food to eat…praises and praises…power supply never fails…thousands of devotees give food, money, wealth and other offerings to god…god is made rich and rich by the poor people

Outside the temple…several hungry children of god begging for alms who do not have a house, food, toilet, clean water! Lakhs live inside and on the banks of koovam river in Chennai. Lakhs of vote banks!!!..similar case everywhere. God is made rich and richer by these poor people.

...sentiments!...sentiments!!...sentiments!!!...philosophy is ‘look after god. God will look after you!’…is it true?...does god want us to look after him?...does god tell ‘you look after me, I look after you’?...if god has not said this then who has said all these?...is there any  living organism on earth which follows this philosophy?...is there any bird or ant or animal which depends on others or god to get looked after?…don’t  they  look after themselves?...are they not living happily?

When I go to ‘perennial temples’ (crowded all 24 hours and round the year)or normal temples on auspicious days, dates and times I only see people, people and people…get crushed…only sounds of human beings…chanting, loud bells and drums, noise…noise…noise…all these to drive us to high emotional state and become physically and mentally unstable, lose consciousness, reality, logical thinking and reasoning?...and start dancing and shouting? (‘saami vanthuruchhu?’) no air to breath…thick suite of camphor smoke…I don’t see god!...i can’t see god!!...i feel stressed. I feel frustrated. I feel suffocation. My mind is not free. My soul is unhappy. I experience hell. Is it a temple or hell?...did god tell us to do all these inside his temple?...did god demand all these?...god goes mad with all these. Poor god is unable to tell this.

...there are hundreds of shops outside, selling hundreds of things from thayathhu, photos of gods, maalai and what not?...they say ‘if you wear this you will become rich, ghosts will not enter your body, all evils will go away’…did god tell this?...all of us have gone to temples thousands of times, purchased all these and eaten, tied or worn, performed so many rituals and spent thousands on all these…have ghosts, evils, diseases etc gone from us and our minds?...are we happy and healthy?...if no then what is the use?...if yes then why to do them repeatedly?...has god created all these?...who has created?...

no living organism on earth has sensed ghosts and evils?...have you seen any ghost entering a goat or other animals?...only human beings, the evolved and advanced species, have sensed ghosts and evils?...ghosts and evils enter only human body and mind!...none of the living organisms are bothered about fate, destiny, future etc…none of them go to temples, worship god, do all the rituals that we do, do all the poojas etc, no auspicious date, no horoscope, no precious stones on hands, no god, no people in between god and them, no superstitions, no beliefs, no science, no mind, no soul, no thinking, no emotions…are they not happy and healthy?...we have discovered gods, ghosts, evils, money, wealth and always keep thinking about destiny, fate, money, wealth, horoscope (mostly horror scope!), vassthu, numerology, nameology,  host of things shown in TV, news papers and other media fear of future, fear of god, fear of animals, fear of losing job, fear of human beings, fear of fury of nature, fear of losing money, fear of losing wealth, fear of losing kith and kin, fear of getting diseases, fear of every damn thing in reality and perceived!...we are filllllllled with negative behaviours, negative thinking and fears about everything!...who has brought all these to us?...god?...or people in between god and us?...why all these have come in?...is it because we have stopped thinking?...we have stopped thinking in the right direction?

Does the above mean that sixth sense is a curse?...mind is useless? (brain is the physical structure of the body, mind is the functional correlate of brain, there is no mind when various parts of brain function in an isolated manner, mind is created when they interact with each other and function), human beings are worst living organisms on earth compared to animals?...evolution has happened in the wrong direction?...we have not evolved properly?

the products and services related to god, beliefs, superstitions sold in this country and on earth should be costing billions and billions!...a real big market!!…never drying and ever flourishing market!!!…why to study hard, work day and night, get aged and get diseases, lose happiness and get stressed, why worries…building temples and shops selling services and products related to above with the ISI seal of ‘god’ should fetch us billions!...it is a real good social service as we are doing a service to humanity to drive away evils, ghosts and bring in happiness, good health and peace to entire humanity.

Does it mean that I don’t believe in god?...does it mean that I don’t go to temples?...i believe in god…I go to temples…When I go to simple temples…during normal days…I see only god!..nothing else!!...no one else!!!..myself and god…alone…we talk one to one…god has all the time to talk to me…I have all the time to talk to him/her…no distractions of harsh sounds, hard smells and beautiful  people! …… The sound of breeze. Clean air. The sounds of leaves. Sounds of birds. Only sounds of nature. I see the squirrel running here and there eating the fruits. Good smell. The smell of nature. The smell from sand and trees. The smell of flowers from trees.  I am not emotional…I am not unstable…I am in reality, conscious with logical thinking and reasoning… only silence…silence and silence everywhere. My soul is at peace. My mind is at peace. All my stresses relieved. I feel at heaven. I feel I am inside a temple. I feel I am with god. I am able to think. I feel pleasant to talk to god. We both have lots of time and peace to talk…we both talk and talk…no interpreters, translators, poojaaris and philosophers…we talk many things…all about everything that is happening around us…he is really worried…about the mess human beings have created about him…the way human beings exploit him…the way human beings perceive him…the things said about him by people at various places and occasions and in books…the way human beings live…their priorities…the way they have perceived about life and living…the way they exploit the world god has created…the way they spoil the nature…he says none of the living organisms created by him spoil, pollute and destroy the nature except human beings…he says he regrets for creating an organism called ‘human beings’…he regrets for giving him the power of thinking…for giving him the mind!...

He has told me so many things. We both keep discussing  about all these. I will tell about discussions in the times to come.

Why he has not discussed all these with you?...why he does not talk to you?...why he has no time for you?...why he does not care you?...why you are unhappy?...why you are unhealthy?...why you repeatedly go to him for his help?... because you always go when he is busy with lots of people around. Lots of noise around. He is unable to hear what you say. He has no time to listen to you. There are so many people and so many things happen around him. You are also busy. You have no time. You almost run to his temple. You keep running inside the temple from one god to another god. You don’t mind paying hundreds and thousands to see him fast but even then you get only few seconds with him…within that time you are unable to rattle all your wish lists…your cell phone rings…your wife next to you is saying something…your children are naughty…the poojari says ‘jaragandi jaragandi’ (move move and keep moving), you are worried if you could tell all your wish list…you remember something important you missed and feel ‘oh shit! I forgot this!’…If you go when he is alone and free, with free mind, without being emotional about him and your relationship with him, with a mental state of thinking and logical reasoning, when you approach him directly…without any people in between you and him (god does not have brokers…he speaks in a language understandable by us…he speaks simple things and no high funda…so we can easily understand him…no need of translators, interpreters and philosophers to make us understand what he says…he is down to earth…he is the creator…he is our mother…he has created us and given birth to us…can’t we understand our mother tongue??)…

is he partial?...is he showing favourtism?...we always perceive god and his personality traits with our limited brain and thinking…with our personality traits…with our dirty mind with negative behaviors, negative thinking, our culture…he is much above all these!

He has given brain for us to think. He wants us to think. Without any limits and inhibitions. But about him, about the theories and stories built around him. Not just about the dependent and independent variables around us, make equations, theories and scientific philosophies but also about things which some people have created around us and made our lives miserable…built around beliefs and superstitions…to make our lives miserable, unhappy, unhealthy and not successful. To identify them and isolate them.

Is this enough?

AN IMPORTANT POST FOR THOSE WHO ARE INTO LOVE, EMOTIONAL RELATIONSHIPS ETC

Dear all…THIS IS FOR THOSE WHO ARE INTO LOVE, EMOTIONAL RELATIONSHIPS ETC…Some theories on Love…Emotional relationships…you will not find them anywhere in any book…but truth…I am sure you will be able to appreciate and accept when you relate this to your life or the life of others in ‘intense feelings’ in emotional relationships…the aim of this post is to help you to figure out what is happening in you or with your lover…and what is to be done…and to tell you where you or that other person will reach ultimately in life!!

There are many different states of emotional relationships…’intense feeling’ is an indepth love feeling experienced by the person (some say heart…some say brain…some say mind…but the truth is everything takes place inside the head, which creates feelings and changes in the functioning of the organs, including heart, and make us understand,feel, appreciate, experience etc through all the changes associated inside our body, our organs, the hormones, the neurotransmitters, the mind, the soul, through emotions, etc may be giving us ‘out of body or out of world or out of mind or beyond the heart or beyond the perceptions of brain’ experience!!).

There are many who love others with out this ‘intense feelings’ too…they care for them, look after them, show love and affection, not only out of responsibility of relationship, but also due to love feeling inside them, but no intense feelings!! But the lover with intense feelings will think ‘he/she does not love me!’ which causes problems in the relationship.

People, in general, experience a particular type of intense feelings with only one person at any time. Without intense feelings, one can show love to many. Without intense feelings also emotional relationship is possible…i.e mild emotions…to enable performance of behaviours related to love without stress. Anything that emanates from the thinking (or feeling of the heart), including love, can not be held back, should not be held back, should be expressed in emotions and behaviours, else it causes stress of the body, mind and relationships.

Intense feelings always are expressed with tears from eyes, show a high sense of attraction, attachment, losing of oneself in the other, ‘what people call as ‘madness’’, showing behaviours that can melt any one, put others into tears etc, can make others wanting to experience such feelings and relationships.

Intense feelings could be out of happiness or sadness/longing. E.g of happiness is when a person perceives self less service from a Nursing assistant (any gender) towards him/her and his suffering, is most likely to get intense feelings towards the Nursing assistant. This feeling will remain permanent and therefore is happiness. Sadness/longing is when the person in love or emotional relationship has not got the object of intense feelings available to him/her.

Intense feelings is an element of obsession. When intense feelings become harmful to self and others then it becomes a disorder!!...People with intense feelings can easily slip in to OCD (obsessive-compulsive disorder) in relationships.

People with intense feelings for some one will be ready to do and give anything for that person. So, they can easily get cheated in the perception of others, but the person will not feel cheated, as he/she is in the GIVING mode in love, may be defined as ‘blind-folded’ in the eyes of others, but in reality and in totality of life ‘no one loses or gains on this earth’, so, the person with intense feelings also is not losing anything or gets cheated, but feels happiness or pleasure in giving. They don’t want anything except the presence and love from the other person. But if the other person exploits the person with intense feelings and kills, then it is a sad state of affairs!

People who experience intense feelings in love, if positive, will not hate the other person and do not cause any damage to the lover in any manner. But even if they cause any damage due to negativity will feel for it, suffer, help etc. They might land up with crimes too in high emotional states and suffer later.

If people in intense feelings are not doing their basic chores of living, like brushing, taking bath, eating in time, not getting proper healthy sleep, showing violent behaviours, harmful for them and others, not interested in any activity related to the mind like entertainment, then they certainly need medication and counseling.

People experiencing intense feelings in emotional relationships are just near the state of ‘ENLIGHTENMENT’ or ‘NIRVANA’ or ‘STATE OF BLISSFULNESS’…Once they cross this state or stage in life or stage in relationships…’NOTHING AND NO ONE MATTERS TO THEM’…If they are mentally affected or brain gets affected then they will become Schizophrenic (what we call as ‘mad people’ who have lost their orientation, who they are where they are etc).

But if they have managed this state well, will become enlightened, Learned with respect to everything in emotional relationships as they have reached and crossed the ultimate feeling in an emotional relationship, can see God in anything and others can see God in them. They can never get angry or frustrated or experience any negative thinking, or emotions or behaviours. They will become noble. They will generally remain calm with radiance. The will become another Mother Teresa.

They can show the path for many lives. They can help someone who is suffering in emotional relationships and get them out of the sadness in a positive way. So, nothing wrong in falling in love, being intensely in love with etc, but crossing this state safely towards enlightenment, with or without guidance of enlightened person, is important.

In fact, if you succeed in love you suffer in family life, like others, enjoying only occasional pleasures, many moments of loneliness inside the heart and soul etc. But if you fail in love in the eyes of others, experience intense emotions and pass through this stage successfully then you will experience the ultimate feeling in an emotional relationship, become mahan etc. So, nothing wrong in failing in love and actually it is not a failure, if perceived positively!!

Does it mean that a person who experienced intense feelings in an emotional relationship like love and was successful in the eyes of others can not become enlightened, and pass through this stage successfully?...No. They can also. One who is POSITIVE in EVERYTHING IN LIFE and falls in love intensely, gets married, produces children, grooms them etc will certainly attain the state of enlightenment and cross the state of intense feelings and reach the state of ‘NOTHING MATTERS’!!

Once they cross this state of intense feelings, probably, the object of intense feelings is no more relevant!!

They may or may not experience intense feelings again. But they can feel the intense feelings of others for them and others.

WITHOUT EXPERIENCING INTENSE FEELINGS BY THEMSELVES ONE CAN NEVER FEEL THE LOVE OR THE INTENSE FEELINGS OF THE OTHER PERSON!!!!...ONE CAN ‘ONLY UNDERSTAND’ THE LOVE OF OTHER PERSON AND CAN NOT FEEL IT, WHICH IS NOT SUFFICIENT FOR THE OTHER PERSON!!...FOR APPRECIATION OF LOVE, FOR IN-DEPTH FEEL OF THE LOVE OF THE OTHER PERSON, EXPERIENCE OF INTENSE FEELING IN LOVE IS ESSENTIAL. THOSE WHO ARE NUMB IN FEELINGS CAN NEVER FEEL THE LOVE OF THE OTHER PERSON EXCEPT JUST UNDERSTANDING AND LIMITED RECIPROCATION WHICH WILL ALWAYS BE FOUND INSUFFICIENT BY THE OTHER PERSON!!

THEREFORE, ONE WHO HAS EXPERIENCED INTENSE FEELINGS IN LOVE ONLY CAN FEEL, HELP, GUIDE, COUNSEL AND EASILY BRING OUT A PERSON WHO IS SUFFERING IN INTENSE FEELINGS. Whatever others say and do to help the person in intense feelings, will not be accepted and understood by the sufferer. Of course, medication combined with counseling guidance for sufferers in intense feelings can bring them out of suffering. This can help them from becoming Schizophrenic.

Some remember the other person with love and affection in their heart once in a while in a month…in a week…in a day. Some remember often in a day without affecting their job or routines. Some remember always, all the time, with intense feelings of missing, wanting to see, being with but without affecting their focus on job/chores much.

Some experience intense feelings in love to an extent of ‘not able to do anything. I want to see and be with now!!!’…that desperateness…ready to do anything, or forego anything, to see and be with the person. Some experience this occasionally and some experience all day, all times, throughout!!...For them nothing matters in the world except being with the other person. Their eyes or brain or heart can not think off or see anything and anyone.

1. In love, if both experience stable and safe intense feelings, and are available to and with each other, then both will enjoy.
2. In love, if one experiences intense feelings for the other person, and the other person does not experience intense feelings, but loves a lot with all positive perceptions in life, can lead to all sorts of frustrations, fights, sadness etc. But the person with intense feelings is sure to reach the state of enlightenment with the support of the positive lover.

Woffffffffffff…though it has become long, I am sure, the reading has helped you and has given a clarity regarding where you are…what you have to do…what you will become…etc in your ‘intense feelings’ in your emotional relationships….

peacefully yours...rams!!

Is our living, loving only the few at home, right?

yessssssssssss...if we are emotionally attached to only one or the default few at home, then what is written here in the meme is true!!...but if we emotionally attach ourselves to hundreds and thousands like Mother Teresa, in addition to our people at home and friends, if we are a noble soul, good to all, then we will never have to walk alone!!...never have to fight wars or life battles alone!!...never have to cross the roads alone!!...this meme has been written by some one who lives like us, believes life and living to be the way we live or define which is wrong!!...so, we can re-write it differently the way i have written above...rams!!

who is rich and who is poor?...who is pitiable?

Dear all...POOR and pitiable are those who live their precious days on this earth without peace, happiness, health, contentment and self actualisation...with full of anxiety, fear, insecurity, tension, stress, problems, fights, sadness, frustration, anger, etc....not those who live in huts or slums!!...In reality, poor and rich is actually in the mind and not in wealth and money, if we look at life in the perspective of these 05 elements.

RICH are those who live with all the 05 elements!!

rams

'see'ing does not give us happiness or peace....it is 'feel'ing that gives all these...

Dear all...it drizzled yesterday night...so the leaves and flowers are happy...they are just shining...you also enjoy...!!

If you feel these pics are beautiful, then we need to accept and understand that.....1. we need not require a beautiful big garden and travel a lot to see beautiful places and spend a lot of time.....2. It is not 'see'ing that gives us the happiness and peace....it is the 'feeling' that gives us these...and just few leaves, one plant, one flower is enough for us to imagine, look deeply, feel the beauty, feel the universe etc......3. to feel happy, peaceful and enjoy the nature we don't need money...we don't have to travel long distances...don't need train and flight booking...no need of hotel stay...no need of leave, permission etc ...we just have to throw the mobile away...keep the mind calm, quiet, blank, without any anxiety, feel at the moment, think 'nothing and no one is permanent on this earth, only nature is permanent and that can only give peace in our lives...peace comes from within and by merging with nature'......4. going to Alps or Swiz or African Safari or kumbh mela or thirupathi etc is not going to give any relief if the mind is full of anxiety, stress, work load, strained relationships etc.

enjoy the pics...rams...

are you feeling head ache, sadness, depressed...just remove your mind, keep aside for some time...and then your day is awesome....

yes..good one..let us remove and keep our mind aside and live without it...and let us do this whenever it is aching...haa.haa.haa!!...if you live without your mind you will find that this world, this life, every day...every night..is awesome!!...rams....

where there is 'need', there is 'fear' of losing it (insecurity)...where there is fear, there is no Love!!....so, WHERE THERE IS NEED, THERE IS NO LOVE!!

very true...all of us go to others for needs and make relationships or even in default relationships we look for needs...where there is a need, automatically there is need for security also...ie to ensure that the person is always there for us...i.e through possessing, monitoring, policing, controlling, demanding, ordering, expecting etc...so , automatically we get 'fear' of losing that person in the mind...there is anxiety...there is insecurity....where there is fear, thereis no love....because we will do all the above and spoil the peace, health and happiness of both.....SO, THERE IS NO LOVE BETWEEN THE TWO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!....so, don't look for needs...then all the above negatives will not be there...there will be always abundance experienced by you and the other person in that relationship....there will be only love...love and love!!.....enjoyyyyyyyyyyyy....!!.....rams

most important thing on this earth for survival ...valid forever...

dear all...a most important quote from Charles Darwin, "It is not the strongest of the species that survive, nor the most intelligent, but the one most responsive to change"!!

this is applicable at home....only those who positively respond to changes all around will be accepted at home with love and affection...rigid people are not liked and hated...!!

even organisations in the present competitive world can not survive if they are not responsive to change positively...!!

any employee also can not survive in an organisation for long if he is not amenable to changes...

we can not live in our community or society or in the country or in the world if we are not positively responding and changing ourselves with the change....

so, let us change with the changes around without affecting the 05 basic elements of life....

rams

.a change in one thing will call for changes in most of the other things of life...if we don't change other things then life will nicely get screwed'

if the definition of yourself, family and living are changed as per that then there is no problem...a change in one thing will call for changes in most of the other things of life...if we don't change other things then life will nicely get screwed...e.g in family where both spouses work, all the chores are to be offloaded including cooking...else they can not live in peace, happiness and good health....rams

'sir, i lost my husband recently. I am suffering a lot. Many tell many things. I am confused. What should i do?'

Dear all...all of us meet challenges in life...some of them are beyond our resources and experiences in life at that particular age and stage in life...

some of the major challenges are losing one or both parents during childhood, losing spouse, losing job, losing vital parts of the body in an accident, losing functionalities of body or mind or appearance beyond recognition, losing job, losing major wealth/money, major life event like natural calamities that affected our mind etc.

Here we will see a young lady who has lost her husband…the first and foremost is her parents should have groomed her to be independent in all aspects including body needs right from her childhood…THIS IS THE MOST IMPORTANT ELEMENT OF GROOMING CHILDREN FOR FUTURE…FOR ALL TYPES OF UNKNOWN EVENTUALITIES IN LIFE…to get a strong mind to bounce back with high resilience in life…

So, the most essential ingredient of grooming is to ensure, independence, decision making skills, high adaptability, life style that ensures less body and emotional needs and high mind needs/traits related to sixth sense, arts, passion, resilience, spirituality etc.

The effect of losing a spouse depends upon the extent of her dependence on her husband for needs and wants (physical, mental, social, legal, financial etc) and attachment. If she is groomed independent then the resilience process is easy and simple. If not, then a problem.

The best life situation is that she comes out of the issue on her own, and brings out the children too, with out any support from any one. If she seeks help and support then it should be from unconditional sources. If people supporting her for all her needs listed above are conditional, then it will complicate her life. So, even if it is hard, it is better she swims her life and come out of it physically, financially and emotionally on her own.

It is certainly not a wise decision to go for marriage or any type of emotional relationship during the process of coming out, as this is a transient phase and her mind will not be in a state of taking the right decision based on reality and practicality. People might say 'go by what your heart says'. But going by the heart during this unstable period with unstable mind will only lead to complications in life.

Some of them suffer loss of sleep, lack of interest in anything, mood to do any activity, suffer from mind related illnesses like depression etc. In cases where the issue is not severe they will be able to come out of it with the unconditional support of relatives and friends. In severe cases it will require both medication and counseling.

Any major decision in life should be taken by only the lady on her own free will after she fully recovers from the shock, starts living on her own normally without any problem.

The future way of living for the present children will have lots of uncertainties and challenges with respect to living, support of spouse for self and child-grooming, stability of job and place, security of self-children-assets etc. So, therefore, the process of grooming should have ingredients related to high resilience building.

peacefully yours....rams

'intense feelings' and our life....

Dear all...when two people are in love, before marriage or after marriage, if both are not in 'intense feelings' domain, then it is the best state to exist. This happens when their body and mind are stable, no intense emotional need/support required, their brain is perceiving good security consciousness, they are balanced, they will think realistically, logically and handle the emotional or body need situations effectively and positively.

Out of the two, if one is experiencing intense feelings, then that means that person is probably experiencing a less security feeling in the conscious or subconscious mind, so looking for emotional support, lots of physical presence, virtual or mental presence, hugs, kisses, words of praise-love-affection-assuring words of physical-mental-financial-legal-social-personal-emotional security....etc...

But if these intense needs are not met that person will suspect the other person, monitor, police, use all the intelligence to sniff the back, will not think about any other thing in life, will not do any chores, will say 'he does not love me...he has many more lovers...he must be flirting now...we have to monitor and control otherwise they will run away, every girl wants to snatch my husband, i need to keep talking to him continuously otherwise he will forget me, the love will go off, they will keep asking 'do you love me?...do you miss me?...and if they get positive answers which they expect, with feelings, then they will be better...if their needs of physical presence and others are met then they will feel the ultimate love and affection and shower back also...if not, all the negative thinking, emotions and behaviors will arise......demand, control, shout, abuse, hate, ...then life becomes hell...here the other person with less intense love controls the relationship...he takes it going...

if both experience highly intense feelings, then, if the needs listed above are met by both through the other person then some feeling peace prevails...else both will suspect each other...all the negatives listed will be shown by both on each other...god only can save their peace, happiness, health etc and of course, their relationship too. So, keeping the feelings regulated, the physical health in place is the remedy.

rams

good constructive and value adding comments....

 this is just the opposite of the intense feelings felt in devotion. Devotion means deep love with intensity. So there are several layers to this.

In devotion, there is no insecurity feeling or no doubts whatsoever. As there are no needs either in devotion. So you can enjoy intense feelings without which life is such a bore in devotion.

Mediocrity and average feelings are so boring leading to average lives! Intensity is what makes life beautiful. So have devotion where you can enjoy intensity without all these needs, stability, control etc (the words that are so annoying anyways).

If everyone is just having average feelings then there will not be any art forms either. Music, dance etc are about intensity of emotions.

if it is real love, any kind of intense feelings that you are talking about will slowly change to devotion. Life played too safely taking care not to cross any set boundaries is very dull and boring.

Enthusiasm is the best state. And there also there is intensity. So intensity and detachment go hand in hand. We need to be intelligent enough when to feel intensely and when to detach and let go. Both are required.

NOW MY COMMENTS ON THE ABOVE COMMENTS ARE HERE...

yes...agree...devotion to a person or object or animal not existing and having intense feelings is good....even having intense feelings in devotion to a person or object which is existing but not available to show intense feelings is also good...having intense feelings in devotion to a person or object or animal that is existing and available to show intense feelings is the best...!!

i agree...i only talked about a situation where filmi love is experienced by people and the issue of intense feelings in that environment...i left out the condition of 'intense feelings in devotion while being stable and doing chores'

effect of 'love-hugs' in the brain....

that is why i keep saying hug..hug..hug...i mean 'love' hugs...not lust hugs, because this will release some other hormone and neurotransmitter...not the one given here!!...haa.haa.haaa!!

how to know if we know about, and how to love or not?

Dear all....if we love some one (before or after marriage) and if we are not getting peace, happiness, good physical-mental-social health, contentment and self actualisation, then either it is not healthy love or we don't know how to love, we don't know what is love or we don't have developed the personality attributes required to love or we are not matured enough to love or there is some health problem related to body or mind and we need treatment!!

rams

what is not SELFISHNESS??

Dear all...thinking that 'first i should be peaceful, i should be happy, i should be physically healthy, i should be mentally healthy, i should be socially healthy, i should be contented, i should self actualise' without affecting others getting these...is not called SELFISHNESS...because without you getting these, you can not make others around to get these...!!

e.g without you being happy, i.e when you are sad, you can not make others happy!!

if you are not mentally healthy, you can not make others around to be mentally healthy....

this is applicable for the other things also that i have listed...

peacefully yours...rams

'sir, i did not get my promotion and now i am superseded. I failed in my Life!!'

Dear all...THIS IS FOR ALL...all of us keep cribbing that we have FAILED. A student who failed in exam feels his life is gone!!...A parent who could not get admission for his/her child in the best school feels he has failed in his duty (wife curses to core)!...A student who could not get admission in the best college and get best course etc feels FAILED! A son or daughter who feels he or she did not or could not look after his or her parents during their times of requirements or old ages feels he has failed in his primary duty. A husband who sees his wife with some one else feels he has failed in his duty as husband to keep her in his love. A wife who sees her husband with some other girl also feels she has failed. A person who has not got his/her promotion or rewards or appreciation or recognition also feels failed on the job.

Truly speaking all these FAILUREs are only PERCEPTIONs!!

We always compare ourselves with others and if they gain what we perceive to have been our goal and lost, then we feel this failure. If we fail in exam we can rewrite and pass. No one lives here till 100yrs. So, counting few months or one year loss due to exam failures is meaningless provided the student pulls up, resonsible and has the fire in the stomach. One need not study in the best school to become an achiever and we have always oppurtunities later to change over to best school or college etc. There could be times of missing the support for parents but as long as we are good/responsible children in the entire life cycle with them, it is ok. They are grownup, matured, so will understand. No one is permanent with any one or on this earth and if some one is not ours (only the parents or relatives have made the marriage for various reasons) then they will leave, and who knows, there may be a better life awaiting, which is our destiny, and when destiny was overruled by parents and relatives in the form of marriage, the destiny overtook and it has shown the destined path. Similarly in the organisations too, we decide what we want and move towards that and feel failed or get feeling of rejection by organisation if we don’t get it. But the truth may be that the destiny has something else for us, who knows!!

Once we don’t compare ourselves, know that peace-health-happiness-contentment-self actualisation are the key 05 elements of life, know that our body-mind-life path are different from that of others. Know that we have our passion, interest, liking in something and we need to hone that and be authority in that to teach others, serve others, spread that knowledge and skill to others, knowing that life is not a 100 metre dash, but a marathon to enjoy and success means different for every one, ‘we are for everyone and everyone is for us’, showing love to all to make them feel they are loved, not alone etc is the enlightenment required to know what life is and living is. Once we know this we will never feel FAILED!!

It is always that when we look back our lives at 50 or 60 years of age, many of the toppers or topp college or school students have not become successful even in the materialistic things in life. The last benchers and not-so-good school or college students have done well in life. So, life is all about enjoying our journey, keeping good health, having peace and being noble.

A person who has not got the 05 elements in life is an utter failure in his life, even if he has attained a big fame, enormous wealth, tons of powers etc.

So, success is not in invidual events of life but in over all life!!...We have to win in life and not in individual life circumstances!!...Winning 05 basic elements, people, realtionships, and love is the true success in life!!

peacefully yours...rams

going to others for something can never give you peace, happiness and contentment....

Dear all...THIS IS FOR ALL...all our people go to others asking for something...needing something...wanting something...expecting something...this going to others with a need includes husband, wife, children, parents, siblings...alllllllllll!!

when we go to others and make a relationship with a need, asking for something, we will only get pleasure....short lived feeling...we will keep craving...we will never be satisfied with that person...we will always feel that relationship is lacking something...the person is not giving the full...the person is cheating…we feel frustration...we feel sad...we keep fighting...we lose peace, health and there is no happiness ever!!

When we go to others for giving something, then we always get happiness. We will always feel peace. The feeling is ever lasting. We keep longing to meet that person to give more (e.g if we are associated with the orphan children of a home at one place, and when we move to a different place we keep thinking about going there and meeting children again...to know about their well-being and being with them to spend some memorable moments again). We will always be loved. We always find love in us. In a devotee kind of relationship we might get pleasure too. But it will not make us to crave. It will only make us to give pleasure too to them.

So, if we want to have people and relationships in our life, happiness in our life, peace in our life, contentment in our life, then we should always approach people with a feeling of giving. Not with a feeling of taking or needing.

The best thing to give is love and affection which does not need any money or wealth. Even the poorest can give. It is there inside us in abundance. In fact this is the only thing that is there in every one in abundance which we don't know. It is the one which keeps growing more and more in us as we give. This is the only thing that nature has created us to be giving all the time. If you don’t give love and affection to some one, you will feel miserable. You can not be peaceful.

However much pleasure, comforts etc you may enjoy in your life, but if you don’t give or if there is no oppurtunity for you to give love and affection to some one, then you will always feel sadness inside you. You will always feel incomplete. You will feel lonely even if sooooooo many are present around you. Even if you have the biggest fame and richness, if you don’t have one person whom you love and show love and affection, then actually the world is empty for you. Nothing is there for you in this world. No one is there for you in this world. YOU ARE ALONE!!...

This is the reason why most of the rich and famous are depressed after some time. And all beautiful, rich and famous women who killed themselves in the world did that as they did not find one who loves them dearly, truly and they did not find even one person on whom they can shower their abundant love and affection!!

So, if we want to have people and relationships in our life, happiness in our life, peace in our life, contentment in our life, then we should always approach people with a feeling of giving. Not with a feeling of taking or needing.

NO ONE CAN BE HAPPY, PEACEFUL AND CONTENTED IN NEEDING AND WANTING FROM OTHERS. IT GIVES ONLY PLEASURE. PLEASURE CAN NEVER GIVE HAPPINESS AND PEACE. IT CAN ONLY CALM DOWN THE HEART FOR SOME TIME. ONLY GIVING ABUNDANT UNCONDITIONAL LOVE AND AFFECTION TO ALL THE NEEDY WILL GIVE PEACE, HAPPINESS AND CONTENTMENT. SATISFACTION IN LIFE. WELL-BEING IN LIFE.

rams

At the right TIME, the Nature takes every person to the right people and leaves them there!!

Dear all...THIS IS FOR ALL...who will be your life mate?...who will be your soul mate?...who will be your lover?...whom all you will lust?...who all will lust you?...who all will be your friends?...who will remain with you throughout your life?

All these are predetermined. No one can stop these things happening. They might be living some where in the corner of the world also. But at the right TIME they will reach their right person. TIME and NATURE are the people who make it happen.

No one knows whom they will marry and when? who will become their soul mate and when? Who will be their lover and when? whom all they will lust and when all?...who will be their friends and from when and till when?...finally who will remain with them till the end of life?

No one knows, except time and nature!!...TIME makes the right person known to them...TIME takes the right person to the other person!!...If the time is missed, then the person is lost!!...Probably we can say that 'that person is not the right person'.

All other people in our lives are just passing clouds. They will come and go. How much shower of happiness or sadness or memories or lessons they leave is different. It could be even our father, mother, wife, husband, children, siblings...they could be any one!!

This uncertainty is the spice in our life, which makes us to live with curiosity all the time!!

If we know earlier, then life will become boring or gone!!...The way all of us know we are going to die one day, and not knowing that day only makes our life going, interesting, makes us to really live on earth enjoying each moment, each person, each relationship and each life event.

The moment we know the date of our death, we are mentally dead!!...our life becomes dead!!...we are no more!!

So, wait for the uncertainties, curious moments, curious people...!!

rams

when our life becomes a waste??

Dear all...medicines and surgical methods have increased our longevity...so, little bit of awareness, applying coping skills and behaviour modifications help us to live till about 80 years easily on this earth.

But if our quality of living is bad...quality of life is bad (what is the difference between quality of life and quality of living?...it is the difference between the life of Mahatma Gandhi and the life of Dawood Ibrahim. Dawood ibrahim lives a much more comfortable life than Gandhi. His quality of living is much better. But his quality of life is worse!!)...if we don't have those 05 basics...and if we are not able to make others perceive those 05 basics though us, then OUR LIFE IS A WASTE...OUR LIVING IS A WASTE...WE WILL DIE EACH MOMENT AND WE WILL MAKE OTHERS ALSO TO DIE EVERY MOMENT!!...IRRESPECTIVE OF OUR AGE!!

rams

THIS IS FOR ADOLESCENTS!!

Dear all...THIS IS FOR ALL ADOLESCENTS....this is a period when hundreds and thousands of people try to enter your heart. In general, the number depends upon how attractive or beautiful you are!!

If the number is small, don't feel bad that you don't look that beautiful etc. It is in a way good. Because when many people enter the heart and leave it is painful and affects our life badly.

If we treat people and relationships like commodities, then also we get affected.

Whom we should allow to enter the heart is THOSE ACCEPTED BY BOTH OUR MIND AND HEART!!...THEN OUR SOUL ALSO WILL ACCEPT THEM.

rams

how 'grace' helps us to get rid of anxiety?

Dear all...there is another way of looking at anxiety...

If we are assessed as 'good' 'noble' by most of the people around, then Nature listens to your thoughts and gives you immediately what you need or desire. This is 'grace'. When 'grace' is with you, things go very very smoothly and your main primary desires get fulfilled and nothing can harm you too. You feel you are protected well by the Nature and nothing and no one can harm you. You have to experience this to believe it.

Some think these are just cognitive methods of avoiding fear and anxiety. But some who have experienced the above feel, they are not just cognitive methods, but a reality!!

rams

How anxiety comes?...How to avoid it?

Dear all...How anxiety comes?...How to avoid it?

Anxiety comes whenever we feel or in actuals our environment changes...the word environment includes all types like physical, mental and social environments etc..e.g virtual environment...when we feel a level of uncertainty in our life...when we feel insecure...when we feel there is no one with us to help...when we face a challenge which our brain comprehends to be beyond the resources available to fight....so it flights...but when there is no possibility of flying away, then anxiety strikes...

how to avoid it?...If from childhood our environment keeps changing every day, every moment, continuously....if our life and living is full of uncertainties...if we can't say what will happen, when, to our life, our body, our wealth, our money, our job, our people at home, our close friends etc...
Then we get used to it and Nature prepares us, our mind, to tackle all such situations or feel NOTHING MATTERS IN LIFE!!...so, they attain the enlightened state or state of nirvana...Nothing and no one matters to them really. They feel confident to face the challenge or ready to die also!!

more later....

rams

'some say little bit of anxiety and little bit of fear is good!'...Is it true?

Dear all...there are many negative emotions...like fear, anxiety etc....some say that little fear is good....little anxiety is good....these negatives are very much required for life...etc...Is it correct??

e.g a student who lived in a separate room with attached bath room and toilet at home when he or she goes to hostel where she has to share the bathroom and toilet with many, gets anxiety struck about every morning...whether i will get my slot or not?...whether i will be able to shit and take bath before time?...Oh god, i can not go to class without clearing my bowels and taking bath!!...what a bloody hell it is!. This student gets anxiety struck and does not sleep in the night properly and gets up much early every day and rushes to bathroom to finish the routines. Now that girl feels this anxiety is good as it helps her to finish the routines and that happiness makes her feel great.

The truth is....

1. She is not getting happiness. She is only getting pleasure for a short time. By evening she will again get back the anxiety and will spend sleepless nights, and both these will affect her health.

2. Instead of anxiety she should only increase her awareness. This is a state of being just aware that she has to get up little early for which she has to go to sleep early. That is all. All the questions that arise in her mind (typed above) brings fear. The fear gives anxiety. Which is bad. Instead if she tells her self 'Oh, nothing! I have to just sleep little early and get up early!'...that is it. Nothing more. Here there is no feeling of what will happen if i am unable to do routines?...Oh God, i can't imagine that!! etc...

so, the crux is...

1. Anxiety and fear are bad. Don't believe in those who say they are good.

2. We have to only increase our awareness.

Do you agree?

peacefully yours.....rams

Who is the culprit who removes peace, happiness and health from us?

Dear all...THIS IS FOR ALL...There are some questions to you...just answer to your own self....

1. Are you peaceful every moment?.....

2. Are you physically healthy? Any life style diseases you have?....

3. Are you mentally healthy?.....

4. Are you socially healthy?...i.e are you happy with every one around at home, society and your work place?....

5. Are you contented with all that you have, life and living?....

6. Do you think you have attained self actualisation?...i.e Attained knowledge, skills and wisdom in the areas of your passion, work and in general about life and reached pinnacle in that (i.e something like reaching Mt Everest!!) and helping others to reach this state?

I am sure your answer must be 'ya...i am generally peaceful...ok like health i have...these days every one has some disease or the other, unavoidable, life has become too hectic, no time with any one for anything, too much of pollution and even the basic amenities are not available...for us to be peaceful every one around has to cooperate naa?...anyway, life is going on'

Are the animals and birds happy?

How are they happy and we are not?

We have a BODY and MIND....In general the body is a good part...Mind only screws it up with all bad health behaviours...So, without the mind, body will be very healthy!!

Body is human and good only...only this mind makes it to live like an animal!!

If we are not peaceful, who is responsible?...our Mind!!

If we are not physically healthy who is responsible?...Our Mind!!.... Because it makes the body lazy, eat like a pig, sleep like a python, smoke, drink, sex like animals and pursue all health compromising behaviours!!

If we are not mentally healthy who is responsible?...again this Mind only!!

If we are not socially healthy...i.e we don't have good relationships with others...ok...ok...ok...i know, you will not agree with this...you will say 'Others only are not in good relationship with me!...I always want good relationship only with others and i am very good to others!!'...Ok, do others agree with this statement?...What is your efforts to keep good relationships with others if they are bad? Because ultimately others like father, mom, siblings, wife, husband, children, grand parents, friends etc not keeping good relationship with you affects your life!!....Who is responsible for this?...Your Mind!!

Are you in good relationship with your own self?...At the end of the day are you happy with your own performance at home and office?...Did you complete all that you planned?...Do you think you wasted time on many pleasurable things without doing things you had planned to do?...When you went to bed were you happy with you?...this shows how much you are socially healthy!!...Who is responsible for this?...Your Mind!!

Are you contented with what you have with respect to money, wealth, status, power, authority?...Are you contented about your living?...Are you contented with your achievements in your job?...Are you contented with your family growth?...Are you contented with the achievements of your family members?...Are you contented with your life?...Who is responsible for this?...Your Mind!!

Are you Self actualised as per my above list of things to have been achieved in life?...Why?...Who is responsible for it?...Your Mind!!...Because your mind only planned as to what you should do in your life and reach where...it only made your ever day activities...you did that...and you have reached wherever you are now...and you are still moving ahead or standing at the same point or moving backwards in your life as per the dictates of your Mind!!...So, the culprit is your Mind!!

We have a Natural and Cultural tendency to blame it on FATE, DESTINY, OTHERS...but is that going to help us anyway???

OUR OWN MIND is the reason for all the problems we have!!

As this post has become long, we will see in the next post the rest of it!!

peacefully yours...rams...