Why should we go to other countries for work or to study??...What is not there in our country??...Did not Kalam and many others become great by studying and working here?

Dear all...one question...one answer...THIS IS FOR ALL PARENTS...

Question: Why should we go to other countries for work or to study??...What is not there in our country??...Did not Kalam and many others become great by studying and working here?...Why should girls be sent abroad for studies by spending so much of money??...anyway they will finally become house wives only one day!!

Ans: First of all let us come out of this concept of birth, study, compare, excel, work, earn, marry, children, save and die.

This earth is sooooooo big. World is full of many wonders, beautiful places, people, organisations, oppurtunities and so many things to eat or enjoy or live, see, experience etc.

Why should we lock up ourselves in just a few hundred square feet place or see only not even 1% of the land, when the oppurtunity to live on this earth is only once?

What is the remaining land, water, forests, rivers, lakes, grass lands and mountains for?...Whom are they for?...Truly everything is created by nature for us only!!...So, if we die without seeing or experiencing them then it is only a loss for us!!

If we or our children are worth to study or work or live in better places, then why not??

Study, work and Research at the best of the places for the betterment of humanity and contribute for the growth of your country also...who stopped??

Go around everywhere, learn, bring all the wealth, resources, technology, processes, education etc from all over the world to your country and improve it...why not...who stopped??...Why are you happy being inside a well and shouting that 'well is my beautiful world and it is the whole earth for me!'

When we go all over the places to 'learn', work with people from all cultures, languages, race etc to 'learn', then we evolve, mature, understand the life better, multi-skilled, universal and become better human beings. When we are stuck at one place we are likely to be immature, less adaptable, with high sensitivities and with limited vision of the sixth sense.

Ask all the patriots who shout sitting inside their houses as to what they have contributed to their country??...Tell them to take a paper and write down!!...Being emotional or sensitized is of no use...Ultimately what we have done to the country, Nature and humanity is what matters!!

Are all the Indians abroad not contributing to this country??

Why don't you produce more human beings, give them good food, health, knowledge, wisdom and send to America and China, flood these places with Indians and turn these places into India??

Let us think differently and out of the box to create better places on earth for Indians to live and make them into India!! (of course, not spoil those places!!).

Till such time we come out of this gender bias, this country can not improve and the families can not live happily. In fact all these selfish patriots inside the houses are not useful in anyway and why they have locked up one person (their wife) inside their house to only service them and not the country!!...Can any country improve if nearly half of the country is inside the kitchens and toilets??...

If these patriots are really interested in improving the country and working for the humanity then they should look after their needs themselves, do their chores with out depending on others, send their wives and daughters out of their houses, liberate them to learn, study, think, work and contribute for the country's growth...Come out of their sensitivities of religion, caste, race, language etc and help people to unite and live together harmoniously, happily and peacefully!!...Ask them if they can do??

Why should one best and effective human resource of the country should be wasted to cook only for one or two when one lady can cook for many and few can cook for few hundreds and even machines can take over their monotonous repetitive jobs. Anyway, over a period of time all these primitive thinking people will go back to the earth and get buried with their primitive thinking!!

so, the crux is...

1. Send your children to different states and different countries to live in different cultures, families, languages, land terrains, challenging places to survive and live as a 'traveller' (not tourist) during their school days and college days.

2. Let them do all types of works for a week or a month from what you term as mean jobs to the white collar jobs, not to earn, but to learn about the life of different people, to learn the intricacies involved in their jobs.

3. if you are really really bothered, interested about the country then come out of gender bias and liberate your girls at home to contribute for the country.

4. if you are really interested in peace, happiness and good health of humanity then burn and bury your caste, religious, racial and other feelings that differentiates people and kill each other....come out and do things to unite people at least in your village, town and city, if not in the country and in the world!!

5. Your own Bharathi said 'go all over the world and bring all the resources and wealth to this country'...resources and wealth not only includes money but also knowledge, wisdom, technology, processes, science, developments etc etc...All these emotional patriots can tell where all they went and how much resource they brought for this country!!

6. While all of us belong to a particular caste, religion, language, race and born in a particular community/ culture to differentiate and work for the improvement of these small groups etc we need to integrate to the state and country to become one entity, united for the growth of the country and betterment of our own selves and the community. In the same way though we belong to different countries and work for the betterment of our country, we need to integrate together as one humanity for its betterment and growth of the country too!!...Differentiation only will not result in benefits without integration. Differentiation and integration go together hand-in-hand!!

Peacefully yours...rams...Psychologist!!

what is the need of the hour...

"The need of the hour is not religion or patriotism. Need of the hour is Humanism and Love for Nature and all living organisms!!"

"the need of the hour is not politicians or religious gurus. Need of the hour is Humanists and Naturalists!!

peacefully yours...rams....

either go by interest way or skill way to be happy...not going in any of these two ways will make you unhappy in life....

Dear all...THIS IS FOR ALL...ESPECIALLY PARENTS AND CHILDREN...

The best model to follow...or our role models to follow in life...for peace and happiness are....CHILDREN...They always do things that give them happiness...they do things that they are interested in...they don't do things which they don't like. Even if you force them, they will do for some time or pretend to be doing and run away to do things they like or they want to do, after finishing the assigned job or when you sleep off or go away.

Because they don't have responsibility!!...But as we grow we have been entrusted with responsibilities in the default social system called 'family' where we are born with default roles and duties or responsibilities. When we are child, we are not tasked as we don't know and still growing! (But this is wrong...teaching to be self responsible or to do their own chores, prepare their own food, clothes, keeping the living spaces hygienic, healthy, neat and tidy or teaching to be a healthy, happy, peaceful human being while handling the responsibilities in a funny way or play methods or art form (dancing and singing) or by following 'non-stressful' methods is the right way of grooming!!)

ok...let us come to the point...

so, parents do not allow the children to do what they want to do...or what they are interested in doing...So, the end result is the children are not happy, peaceful and healthy in their moments, days and entire life. Even if they join a course or college or join a job (as per parents' choice) make money or wealth or marry the person the parents pointed at....as per the parents choice or wish is fulfilled.

Because parents feel 'what the children are interested in is not going to fetch social status, big money and wealth (compared to what neighbours, relatives, friends or others whom they are competing with in comparison!!), comfortable family life to meet all the financial liabilities that keep mounting as we grow or children grow!!

So, the parents do not allow the children to do what they like to do or what they wish to do or want to do!!

Now the other issue is....

The children have some knowledge or skills...may be inborn or developed consciously or without their knowledge...They may be interested in taking up some course to increase the competency levels in those skills...or might want to go to such places in the state or country or world to develop or improve those skills to the national or world standards!!...Or they might want to expand and go to such places to gain or improve the knowledge related to those skills and learn. Finally they might be interested in taking up professions related to those knowledge or skills. This might warrant them to leave home, go to different places in the state or country or world. Parents may not allow that also for various selfish reasons or financial reasons.

Here again the children get affected as they are not allowed to pursue a profession or course or career or job which is related to their knowledge or skill or personality attributes or the kind of life or living they want to pursue. So, they are not happy, peaceful, healthy in their personal life, professional life, family life etc. They finally go out of the system one day and mess up everything!!

The reason is selfish reasons, fears and economical issues of the family!!

So, parents do not allow the children to do what they want to do, what they are interested in doing, what they like doing .....or what their knowledge, skill and personality components are!!

How can one be happy, peaceful and healthy if they don't do things they want to do (like children) or things that they are capable off??...

Parents expect the children to learn some knowledge or skill... change their personality attributes totally or here-and-there in some of the attributes/traits, pick up a job that will make them live a life related to that profession (every profession or job has its own way of living...e.g one who joins Merchant Navy has to sail a lot in high seas away from family!!...a dancer or artist or lawyer or doctor or civil engineer who is into construction...all have their special way of living related to their profession!!). So, the end result is even if the child is able to do all these successfully or unsuccessfully, the person is unhappy or not peaceful or without contentment and fulfillment in life or has some vaccuum inside or feels something is missing in my life...i am not true to my self...i am not the way i want to be...i am not realistic...i am fake...i am not me...i am something else....i am some body else...i belong to some other person....i belong to some other place...i am not living...i am just existing or surviving...my life is not complete...etc...

Men and women who are in this state one day leave family or fall in extramarital affairs or go back to the kind of life they wanted to live or do the jobs or things which they wanted to do!!

some accept their fate-accomplice or 'learned helplessness' situation and live their life off in that state by doing a self-talk of 'i am fine...so what, i am not on the roads...i am happy only...i am living a better life compared to others...who knows, had i gone by my choice i would not be living comfortably and wealthy like this...my parents are right only...it is better to go by parents' choice.... Some of these people force their children also to live the same kind of life which is funny!!

so..the crux is...

1. Do things which you want to do..or would like to do..or interested in doing.

2. Do things matching with your skills, knowledge, personality attributes and the kind of life and living that will give you peace, happiness, good physical-mental and social well-being, contentment, fulfillment and self-actualsation.

3. Go to the places, organisations, people, country, state, society which you are interested in...would like to be there...want to be there...where you also can improve or grow or develop your knowledge, interests, hobbies or passions or goals, skills or personality attributes/traits and at the same time live a life or living style of your choice.

4. Talk to your parents, make them aware of all these, expose them to your world of thinking, skills, knowledge, passion and the kind of life you want to live. Make them confident that you will be able to earn the money, wealth and status that you want to have for a comfortable and safe living. If they say that is not sufficient then make them understand how it is sufficient or analyse the reasons why they say it is not sufficient and see how to make up for that if it is genuine and reasonable.

5. Parents should come out of their fear or anxiety or support or connect them to the right people who can mentor and guide them in their new journey.

6. Parents should move out of their place of living if they want to be a support for their children or set them free and live in their birth place/ native place or their place of choice and not bother about their children or support in the limited ways they can or bless them and then send them off!!...Believe me, if you have groomed them well with good value systems and belief, discipline and how-to-be, how-not-to-be, then they will not fail in their new mission and journey!!

7. Doing things or being in a place and life or with a person which/whom we don't like or not interested in doing and being, not matching with our knowledge, skills, personality attributes and type of life and living we want to live....will only make us not peaceful, unhealthy in mind and body and social life at home/organisations and live a wasted life...which is once in a life time opportunity on this beautiful earth and in this beautiful world!!

Peacefully yours..rams...Psychologist!!

Qn. 'How can we be successful without comparing with others when the schools, colleges and organisations admit or recruit or promote by comparative merit??'

Dear all...some questions and some answers...

Qn. In schools students are given special care and attention based on comparative merit, Universities make merit list based on comparative merit. Organisations select people for jobs based on comparison with other candidates. Organisations promote or send abroad or give oppurtunities to grow for those who are better than others. So, comparison always exists and how can you say that we should not compare.

Ans...1. When our aim is to score 100 out of 100, or 200 out of 200 or best or first then where is the question of comparing with others in schools or colleges or organisations?

2. When we don't know how much the other person is going to score, his or her health state and environments, what is the point or need to or in comparing with that person?

3. When we don't know their mission or further journey in life or destiny or fate or the profession they will take up or course or college they will join or place of living or person with whom they will live etc what is the point in comparing with that person??

4. When we don't know our our fate, destiny or journey of life how can we compare with the other person?...Are we going to go in their life path when both do not know what destiny is going to be??

5. When we 'look at others to learn' positive things that they follow or have that can give us growth without spoiling the peace, good physical-mental and social health, happiness etc then we can learn those from them, follow or modify-and-follow in our life. But 'comparing' will only give anxiety, no peace and bad physical and mental health.

So, comparing is not good. Learning from others is good.

Peacefully yours...rams..Psychologist!!

our beliefs and values should make us live...not suffer and die!!

Dear all...THIS IS FOR ALL...

Many of our Indians are tied up and glued up to their beliefs and remain rigid and suffer.

our beliefs and values should make us live...not suffer and die!!

Nothing wrong in changing them and be adaptable for our own good!!....Everything around us is changing, so, we also need to change, but in a healthy and happy way!!...for good...and not for bad!!

Many have contradicting beliefs and values within themselves and screw and mess up their lives and land up for counselling!!

I feel, like the ABCs (American Born Confused Desis), we are Desi born confused Indians!!

Peacefully yours...rams...Psychologist!!

worst diseases are not AIDS and cancer...these two diseases all of us have and suffer every moment...

Dear all...THIS IS FOR ALL...

The worst disease we have is not cancer or AIDS. We have those worst diseases inside all of us...they are...

1. All the time looking at others 'what they are doing?'
2. Keep comparing with others..."see, he has scored more than you!"..."see, he has got better paid job than you!"..."see, he has earned more and richer than you!"..."see, she is already married and having kids!...when are you going to marry and settle down!"

These diseases only will keep you frustrated, angry, sad, depressed, low self esteem, pull down, increase BP, die every moment of life, and make run towards a virtual vacuum. May not give fulfillment and contentment.

Whereas...if we look at us rather than others...if we take a paper and write down our goals, plans, how we are going to live, our aims etc and work towards that in a planned manner, without looking at others...without comparing with others...surely we will land up in a better position in all angles and dimensions of life than those who look at others and compare with others...and live a contented, fulfilled, achieved, peaceful and happy life too!!

Peacefully yours...rams...Psychologist!!

this is what is happening at our homes or in our lives...

Dear all...THIS IS FOR ALL PARENTS AND CHILDREN...

Indian parents want their children to be in assured and secured jobs that will fetch them their living!..So, they put them in courses that can get them some job in their place of living or in that state, get married and live their family life.

But some children are capable of much more than this basic minimum which their parents expect them to do. Because their parents have given birth to Edisons, Modis, Kalams, Bill Gates but due to fear, apprehensions and lack of exposure or risk taking ability want their children to go in the traditional way of safe and secure jobs!!

But most of those who have achieved big things in life have constantly taken calculated risks, continuously expanding their comfort zones, did not like monotonous dull jobs, worked either against the liking of their parents or parents supported them whole heartedly or half heartedly...

All achievers have a story tell about how they worked against their parents' wish or how their parents supported their bold decisions in life at various times and stages!!

In some cases the parents have analysed the child scientifically, understood the matching profession for their children, guided and mentored them in the right way matching to their abilities, personality attributes, life style etc, not bothering about the relatives, friends, society etc .....got them married off accordingly matching to their temperaments and job requirements...are living peacefully with their children or away from children giving way to their advancement, peace and happiness!!

Today no pension in government jobs. But still parents advice/suggest/force children to take up government jobs due to the job security. Some of the parents want more salary and less job. Many parents prefer less salary or no advancement in profession but staying with them in their house with family. Many rural parents are like this and those in cities with rural thinking also are like this"

But the reality or truth or fact is...every job requires...

1. Knowledge to do that job
2. Skill to do that job with required competency level
3. Personality attributes or traits required to do that job with the people around
4. Every job has a particular way of life and living
5. Some jobs mandate a requirement to live in a particular place
6. Interest and liking to do that job

Every human being by birth and default also has knowledge, skill, personality attributes, competency levels, personality attributes, liking for way of living and definition of life, liking to work and live in a place or to move to various places in the country or world to work, learn and enjoy, interest or liking to do a particular type of job.

When the above of an 'individual' and 'profession' match, then nothing like it. Of course, the life mate also has to be of similar nature so that the family married life also matches with the professional demands and expectations of the self.

Some of the above keep changing (e.g interests) and some of them remain constant. Some of them can be changed by conscious efforts to an extent and some of them can not be changed. All these come inside us by birth and the developmental and learning process as we grow.

Some people by birth and nature can not accept nonsense happening in the society and so pick up fights, gather people and do hartal etc...whereas the parents might like him to do some engineering, work and earn. For his nature Lawyer profession can match but the parents may not like that profession, socialization involved in that profession, life of lawyers etc.

Some like adventure, doing new things every day, travelling, challenges in job, don't like dull moments, want such like minded people around in their work environment. Whereas security conscious parents might force to join a government job which may not suit them.

Some children are able to adapt to an extent and are able to complete such un-liked courses, take up such professions which they don't like, marry a person whom they don't like...all these for the sake of parents...sacrifice their life, dreams, passion, goals etc and live a usual life.

Some fail in courses (parents lose lakhs!), leave the jobs after some time (parents, wife and children on roads!), break marriages (lose of money and peace for parents!) and become psychos.

Some finish the course some how after many arrears etc to satisfy the parents and thereafter take up professions of their like (e.g do engineering and join finance or acting...do B.Com and take up music or dance as profession....either immediately or after few years!)...parents feel upset during initial years and finally accept or not accept when they live their life with all its pluses and minuses (in the perception of parents).

Some marry the person who can not live at their place of work and living, whose work and life, beliefs, ethics do not match with the way of living and life required for their work....finally either quit the job...or quit the marriage....or fight and live separately under mutual acceptance or not...all these for the sake of parents!!

About 95% of the parents are in at least one of the above situations in their life.

13 to 30 is an age of adventure and risk taking phase of life. They are brave, adrenal junkies, want challenges and ready to meet the unknowns. Whereas parents are old, scared, and adrenals all dried up!!

Counselling can help. But who ever is right will win after the counselling...some times the parents and some times the children...but both can leave the clinic happily...a counselor can make this happen!!...

What is required is open, heart out communication, discussion with out ego, understanding each other's apprehensions, knowledge, definition of life style, likes and dislikes, goals, passion, aims, strengths, weaknesses, oppurtunities and threat perceptions...if not in one sitting, by doing it in many sittings...agreeing and accepting each others view points to finally strengthen and support each other in the way they have mutually agreed and accepted at the end...else whatever the parents fear is sure to happen!!

Peacefully yours...rams...Psychologist!!

What is the difference between achievers and non achievers?

"Those who live in reality live a normal life and vanish without any usefulness for themselves or others. Those who think and live little out of reality, invent, discover, create something different that is not possible or thought about by others which is highly useful for the present generation or future humanity too!!"

Peacefully yours...rams...Psychologist!!

What is important for the youngsters of today?

"What is required for the youngsters is "Assertiveness Training".

Our parenting should teach this. But our parenting teaches opposite of this!!...So, the end result is the youngsters are only aggressive, which the parents do not like!!

Assertiveness means..."“Forthright, positive, insistence on the recognition of one's rights”...standing up for your personal rights - expressing thoughts, feelings and beliefs in direct, honest and appropriate ways. By being assertive we should always respect the thoughts, feelings and beliefs of other people. Being assertive involves taking into consideration your own and other people’s rights, wishes, wants, needs and desires. Assertiveness is the quality of being self-assured and confident without being aggressive. In the field of psychology and psychotherapy, it is a learnable skill and mode of communication.

Assertiveness is a form of behavior characterized by a confident declaration or affirmation of a statement without need of proof; this affirms the person's rights or point of view without either aggressively threatening the rights of another (assuming a position of dominance) or submissively permitting another to ignore or deny one's rights or point of view!!

So parents, teach assertive behaviours to children...it will help them to confront threats (e.g men who make 'approaches' to girls with ulterior or wrong motives, witchy mother-in-laws, villainous bosses etc), get good jobs, live with dignity and value systems and discuss issues without hurting you!!

Peacefully yours...rams...Counselling Psychologist!!

Difference between successful and unsuccessful girls....

"All successful girls will have a father or husband or both who motivate, mentor, guide, have confidence on their daughters, allow them to pursue their pursuits, passion, goals, interests, help them to become achievers in their domain interests, decide their destiny, give freedom to think, perceive and act. All others will have a selfish, controlling, demanding, feared, anxiety struck father or husband or both who will call himself as 'Loving and Caring'!!"

Peacefully yours...rams...Psychologist!!

What happens when we disagree with children?

Dear all...THIS IS FOR PARENTS....

"when we shout, argue, suspect, differ, force, compel, direct, demand, expect, threaten, egoistic, non adaptable with the children, they will find their methods of avoiding you, not talking to you, not listening to you, not seeing/looking/meeting you, not discussing with you, not present at home when you are present, lose faith and trust in you, unfriending you on fb or whatsapp or other social media, tightening their securities so that you can never come to know what is happening in their minds, lives, leave the home temporarily or permanently by giving some convincing reasons etc.

End result is you will become their first enemy, night mare, they will hate you to the core. They will go closer to their friends who are equally clueless and resort to them for all the doubts and help...get connected to all unknown people on social media for emotional support, help, guidance etc, go somewhere unknown both in mind and body...and everything you did not want or expect to happen will happen in their life!!

And you will become a psycho and land up in old age homes or mental asylums blaming them or land up for counselling or to a psychiatrist!!...it is wiser to change now rather than changing at the near end of life when breakage in relationship has taken place beyond any repairs!!

There are many parents who have lost their intelligent children because they being not intelligent in true sense, and following traditional parenting style!!

Instead of the above, When you listen to them, discuss, encourage, appreciate them, support, be a source and pillar of strength, motivation, inspiration not only through words but deeds too, ask questions to make them think in a positive direction, help, guide, mentor, groom, walk with their passions, goals, interests, risky adventures in life and living, help them identify the threats, risk, SWOTs (strengths, opportunities, weaknesses and threats) and help them to manage these, make them realise their dreams.....then...

you become their best friend...best parent...best soulmate...best lover...best teacher...best guide...best philosopher...best mentor...God and best human being on earth....then....

they will look forward to you, they would like to see you, meet you, discuss everything in their life with you, open out all their mind to you, they will introduce their friends to you, they would eat with you, go for outings with you, play with you, spend valuable times with you, help and support you physically or economically or emotionally...they will accept your friend requests on fb, whatsapp and other social media, they will have confidence and faith in you...will trust your words...will never leave you under any tough circumstances in their life...would always want to have you in their home and life!!

What we want in life?...which one we prefer?...is all up to us!!

Parents, never follow your parents' parenting style...you will become a miserable failure!!

Peacefully yours....rams....Psychologist!!

one shocking experience in my life!!

Dear all...about 30 years back around this time i was climbing the Simhachala hill at vizag to go to the temple on top...it was a cool afternoon...lots of greenery around...screeches of birds...no one around...

suddenly i saw a girl of about 12 years and a boy of about 13 years...innocently playing and climbing up the hill...those days children were real children without internet, whatsapp, facebook etc with less exposure...a middle aged lady accompanied them...

they seemed to be very poor...with very old, torn and stitched clothes...

after these few thoughts i diverted my mind to enjoy the Nature around...

i reached the top...those three also reached the top along with me...that is the time this incident took place before we entered the main shrine where the deity is there!!!....the middle aged lady suddenly caught hold of that girl tightly, took out an yellow mangal sutra tied with turmeric root from her saree knot, hurried up that boy to tie it around the neck of the girl...the boy playfully tied it around her neck with all smiles, the girl was crying not knowing what is happening with her, the lady wiped her tears off and made those three knots properly, entered the shrine with the children and prayed the lord with tears in her eyes, the girl perplexed not knowing what to do, the boy playfully worshiping the god....wofffff...in a wink of an eye, a marriage ceremony got over in front of the god!!

For a moment, all those lavish, life torturing, year long tension filled marriage issues-ceremonies-travels related to our marriages went pass through my thoughts...hmmmmmmmmmm...!!

After leaving the shrine the girl was moody, the lady was trying to teach her...probably about roles-duties and responsibilities of a wife, marriage, her changed life from that day on wards etc...the boy, as usual was playful...full of fun...excitement...probably about this something funny which took place...

I just came down the hill...full of thoughts...lot of thoughts...the greenery and the screeches of birds did not enter my ears and mind...my mind was fully occupied through out the bus journey, reaching my place and entire night!!

Hmmmmmmmmmmmm...Marriages are made in heaven...!!

Witnessed the most simplest marriage in my life!!

Peacefully yours...rams...Psychologist!!

"sir, i am the class topper.But was rejected in the first round itself in an interview!"

Dear all...THIS IS FOR ALL PARENTS AND STUDENTS IN COLLEGES...

Other day a girl came to me...an engg college girl, topper...she said 'sir, i am sad and upset!! (she was crying her heart out!!)...Today one core company came to our college, the most sought after company, dream company of all students. They conduct about 8 rounds of selection process and select about less than 05!!...Though i am the topper i was sent out in the first round itself!!...So, i feel miserable, worthless, rejected and depressed!!'

i asked her...

"At the time of birth, did God or parents or teachers told you to work and study hard to join this X company?"

"No!"

"At the time of joining the college or taking up this course or while working for exams or preparations did you dream to join this company?"

"No!"

"so, it just came on your way during the course of time and you got motivated to attend the interview and get selected, is it right?"

"yes!"

"At the time birth did God tell you that you should make millions on this earth?"

"No!"

"Did all those who made millions on this earth till date ate everything and died?"

"No!"

"Does every one live here for 100 years?"

"No!"

"Topper and the best placed guy can die at 40 and the other can live upto 90 and see more of this earth and enjoy, right?"

"yes!"

"first rank, topper etc can decide only the first job, and not entire life!!

"??"

"first ranker and best placed can flop in profession, family life, social life etc in no time but the average and steady going can win the race in life in all dimensions, right?"

"ya!"

"Remember, there are millions of companies, institutions and research organisations all over the world waiting you to join their team, do you agree?"

"yes!"

"Then why are you sad!!...Just brighten up!!..go to google...go to the website of all colleges and universities in your city, state and country...You will find hundreds of organisations in their placement page...make your resume and upload to all those organisations...Go to google and type 'list of all public sector and government organisations for engineers' or such other search options...you will get the biggggggg list of companies...upload your CV to all these organisations with your GATE score if required...Are you sure that you will get calls from at least few tens of these organisations?"

"yes!"

"Then what...are you not sure that you will get placed in at least few companies?"

"sure!!"

"Then why are you sad?...just get on with google!!"

she felt soooooo happy and relieved!!

"If you are not selected in an interview or at the end of the interview when you are asked "anything you want to ask?" just ask them 'what all things in which i have to improve myself?'...If you are selected in any interview ask them 'What 'learning' value i will achieve in your organisation?'....I am sure you will gain from their answers!!"

"yes sir!!"

"Remember...your birth here is not to make millions, work like a donkey in a job and environment that you don't like, live a tired and frustrated life at the end of the day every day, live in anxiety all the time, live a life full of diseases and ailments of body and mind, and die one day, wasting this precious once in a life time oppurtunity of living and enjoying this beautiful earth!!"

"***"

"Your birth here is to learn...learn and learn...about life, about everything, about engg or medicine or law or arts or whatever you feel like...at every point in life...be with people from whom you will 'learn'...be in organisations where you can 'learn'....be in countries and places where you can 'learn'....be at institutions where you can 'learn'...define your standard of living...if rich and lavish, then you will have to die every day to never live that rich and lavish...others only will enjoy your wealth...so keep it enough to reach your dream places/people/organisations of 'learning'...that is good enough...Learning by definition is a 'process that results in relatively permanent change in behaviour'....If that learning gives you peace, happiness (not pleasure!), good physical-mental-socail well-being, contentment and fulfillment in and of life in long term too, then justtttttt go ahead!!...Don't be like the mad people in this country where politician, religious gurus, rich, poor, educated, uneducated...evvvvvvvery one is in a mad race of making money and wealth...without knowing how much they want!!...Killing them, their lives and lives of others!!...When you take up this journey of Learning, you will 'earn' also enough to be called as rich by others, believe me, and really really live an achieved life, meaningful life, adored by others too!!"

The girl felt sooooooooooooooo happy and relieved!!...I am sure their parents if they heard this will say "What a bloody stupid advice!!...A shit!!"....because all our people really live that shit life only!!...But i am damn sure this girl who takes up the "Journey of Learning" will live a better life than their parents, friends, relatives "those four people about whom their parents fear!!"), successful life, achieved life, rich and posh life and meaningful life too..!!

"earning" is a subset of the universe "Learning"

"the life of others, the normal people, will be a small subset of "Learned" people (not 'educated' people!)"

Peacefully yours...rams...Psychologist!!

ALL FATHERS SHOULD WATCH THIS...ALL CHILDREN SHOULD WATCH THIS AND SHARE WITH THEIR PARENTS...VERY VERY IMPORTANT VIDEO.

ALL FATHERS SHOULD WATCH THIS...ALL CHILDREN SHOULD WATCH THIS AND SHARE WITH THEIR PARENTS...VERY VERY IMPORTANT VIDEO....ALL SUCCESSFUL GIRLS WILL HAVE SUCH A FATHER OR A HUSBAND OR BOTH IN THEIR LIFE...ALL OTHERS WILL HAVE A SELFISH, CONTROLLING, DEMANDING MAN (FATHER OR HUSBAND OR BOTH!!) WHO WILL CALL HIMSELF AS 'LOVING AND CARING'!!

I like this video for many reasons...few are here...

balan saying her father had no preconceived notions about anything. Whereas the whole world thinks they are better off if they burden themselves with as many notions about everything. Actually we burden ourselves and lose our innocence and block ourselves with preconceived notions.

being vulnerable is okay. No need to be macho all the time. When we don't burden our minds and have healthy good habits / lifestyle, we can become ageless or age gracefully. We become what we believe.

so the girls if they think they are not equal to boys, it becomes true. So what we think is more important than what others think about us
our lives are a reflection of our own beliefs and awareness / consciousness. We create our own lives and not others!!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=68jUJA0PNTM&feature=share

you can get his video by typing 'Vidya Balan saying Thank you Papa: Happy Father's day' in youtube search window...

THIS IS FOR ALL PARENTS...of course, for the youngsters too to learn about good parenting...

Dear all....THIS IS FOR ALL PARENTS...of course, for the youngsters too to learn about good parenting...

Some time back one father in his sixties came to me and said

'I have got a son and he looks after our hardware shop and business well. He is very disciplined and has good habits. He is married. But i feel that something is missing between us. He too feels the same. I can feel a big gap between us. He always talks to his mother nicely and shares everything of his life with her. But he does not talk freely like that to me. He only talks official things about business. I also talk like that only. I am unable to talk freely and behave freely with him. This has been a major sad issue in my life. Though he is with me in the shop all the time, i feel lonely and miss him too much!!...I don't know what to do!!...I am worried if i will die without meeting my son!!'

Almost all the fathers in our country are like this. Of course, there are some exceptions too!!

They are worried and scared that their children should become good, responsible children who follow socially accepted good life style, habits, be with the family, relatives etc. So, they adopt a controlling parent life style and bring a wall between them and the children. There is no physical connectivity between the parents and children which is a must for a healthy relationship. They always find mistakes to correct and never find the good things and appreciate them. And finally land up in such a state where they think they have groomed the children nicely but 'something' is missing in the relationship, they lost their children and they feel lonely!!

I explained the above and told that poor father....'sir, now when you go back to home for lunch, tell your son to shut down the shop and come home for lunch. Sit next to him. Tell him that you have become old and want to take rest. Tell him your are tired and just lie down on his lap. Or hug him from the side and tell him he is a good son and is ready to take over the reigns and it is time for you to retire and enjoy. This will break the ice or wall or cold war between both of you and slowly increase spending non professional, fun, homely time with him. Buy things which he likes and gift him (which you never did and bought only things which you wanted him to wear or use!). Give him freedom to take decisions. Crack some jokes. Hug him as many times as possible. Make him feel you are a good friend. Break your tough looks, ease down, relax, be cool and be a fun loving person. Spend time together with him watching movies, having dinner etc. Nurse him when he is not well"

The father went back and after few days came home and was in tears to thank me saying 'He got back his missing son!!'

So, fathersssssssssssss...wake up!!

Peacefully yours...rams....Health Psychologist!!

THIS IS FOR ALL PARENTS...Of course, for youngsters too to know 'what is wrong parenting and wrong life style!'.

Dear all...THIS IS FOR ALL PARENTS...Of course, for youngsters too to know 'what is wrong parenting and wrong life style!'....

I came across a shared post like the one below on the internet...

It says "in india fathers are neglected at old age because during the initial years when children are small they have the command in their hands and they become ruthless rulers which is not liked by the children and wife...so the children join the sides of the mother and they accept all the wrath for food, shelter, dress and school/college fees.

During later age when the children grow up and start working, the family control goes to the mother and every one team up, become strong and neglects the father.

Later when children move out and form their own families the power shifts to the children and they accept only the mother for all the support, help for rearing children and father is neglected."

From the above share it is clear that...

1. The old beliefs that 'spare the rod, spoil the child!' 'be strict and take charge of children, otherwise they will get spoiled' and parenting with high 'controlling ego' 'i am the head of family, i am the earning member, and i will decide everything, every one should listen to me' will result in such things only.

2. Being like a team mate in an organisation with full of fun, converting all the responsibilities into 'just-activities', supporting each other, not interfering in the life of the other, creating a social environment at home where the wife and children feel 'What an amazing guy he is! He takes care of us sooooo much through his unconditional love without any needs, wants and expectations, gives freedom to everyone to thin and take their decisions, has created such a social environment that we can approach him for any guidance and mentoring or discussing any issue under the sky without any inhibitions, apprehensions or uneasiness. He is the ultimate example of a good friend and soulmate!!' is the only way to be a good father in all dimensions. If you do all that you expect the children to do, if you inspire them through your way of living and life style, if you are a good role model to them, then no way that they can become irresponsible, bad children etc.

3. So, parents...CHANGE...!!

and youngsters...

1. Please remember that probably your fathers did not follow good parenting style. So, don't copy them.

2. Be a good team mate. That is all.

What is described or advised or recommended below is totally a wrong parenting style/life style etc...don't follow!!

Peacefully yours...rams...

*WHY FATHERS ARE NEGLECTED IN OLD AGE.
-ITS A MUST READ FOR ALL FATHERS! (and mothers too!)*

Take ur time and read through.

1. In the lifetime of family settings, there are 3 Dispensations of Power.

2. The 1st is the first 25 years in the life of the family (father, mother, children) where power indisputably rests with the father.

3. The 2nd is after the kids have grown & started working when the power shifts to the mother.

4. The 3rd is when the kids move out of the family house or start their own families when the power moves to the children.

6. We'll start from the 1st Dispensation. Total dominance of the father. He is the Lion of the Tribe of his House. The boss.

7. During this dispensation, the father rules with an iron fist. He barks orders & determines what does or does not happen.

8. The father often mettes out corporal punishment to the recalcitrant children. They grow to fear him more than they love him.

10. The father is the provider for the family & everyone is aware of that fact with all attendant consequences.

11. Then the 2nd Dispensation sets in. The children have finished school and have started working. Power shifts to the mother.

12. When the children start earning their own money, for some reason, it's their mothers they decide to look after. They are closer to her.

13. While the father was in charge, he was busy with the business of providing. He didn't have much time to be a friend to the children.

14. They spent more time with their mum and invariably grew closer to her. They also see their mum as co-victims of the father's tyranny.

15. The mother takes centre stage at this point. She is the first to know what's happening with the children & she has advantage.

16. Should any of the daughters give birth, she is the one that goes for babysitting and the children spoil her with gifts.

17. At this stage, the father is wishing for some bond with the children like they have with their mother but that boat has sailed.

18. Because the mother doesn't rely much on the father for her needs at this stage, she is less likely to tolerate his lordship. Friction.

19. Then the 3rd and last dispensation. Power has shifted to the children. They are self-sufficient, live on their own & have own families.

20. More often than not, whenever there is a quarrel between father & mother, the children side with the mother.Years of joint-victimhood at play

21. Children have been known to come to the house to warn their father not to 'disturb' their mother. Next thing, extended visitations.

22. Woe betide the father if his finances are precarious at this stage. You will be humbled by force. The gang-up is real.

23. This causes most men to fall ill & develop different complications. By the time the forces are arrayed against you, you will think well.

24. Stroke, Hypertension, High-Blood Pressure. The man has a large family but no relationship with them in later life. Troubling thought.

25. Moral, dear men, while the power lies with us, let us wield it with posterity in mind. It won't be with us forever.

26. With the way you are treating your wife now, how will she treat you when power shifts to her?

27. What relationship do you have with your family? Loving dad or despotic, tyrannical provider?

28. Remember, the children always side with their mother. Aim to do enough to at least get a fair hearing in future moments of family strife.

30. Invest wisely for the future so that you won't have to beg to be taken care of if despite your best efforts, you find yourself alone.

ADVISE TO CHILDREN:- IT IS NOT GOOD TO ABANDON YOUR FATHER WHO DENIED HIMSELF TO GET YOU PREPARED FOR LIFE & WHO SACRIFICIALLY SOWED TO MAKE YOU WHO YOU ARE. HONOUR YOUR BOTH PARENTS AND TAKE GOOD CARE OF THEM IN THEIR OLD AGE. THAT IS HOW YOU TOO WILL SOW INTO YOUR FUTURE. DONT LET NEGLECTING YOUR FATHER (OR PARENTS ) BE A CURSE ON YOU INTO YOUR FUTURE.

ADVISE TO MOTHERS :- DON'T INCITE YOUR CHILDREN AGAINST THEIR FATHER.

*Parenthood is not easy despite its joys. There is no manual on how it works. May God help us.

my observation of parents and children....

My observation....children in our today's world are growing in all dimensions by leaps and bounds...but the parents are neither growing nor maturing or evolving...they are at the same place where their parents have left them!!...I only hope they also adapt faster, change, grow, evolve and mature, before it gets too late for them to land up inside cages of old age homes!!

Peacefully yours....rams...

this is for all parents....

Hai all...THIS IS FOR ALL PARENTS...yesterday while travelling in train i saw two senior citizens couple entering the coach with a big bossing attitude and moment they came to their berth they started ordering others. The other couple also were senior citizens and started off with 'you know who i am' type of attitude!...Both couples were perfect examples of typical in-laws in TV serials.

Self and another young girl in twenties were watching their fight. Both seemed to be from the upper most caste of tamil nadu and were using all the abusive words not commensurate with their age and education. It was no less than a fight in unreserved compartment, only difference was it was in English, as it is 2nd AC compartment!!

I only hope their children are not like them and these senior citizens don't behave the same way at home also...which is most unlikely!!...So, no wonder the youngsters keep them away from their lives at old age homes!!

So, it reaffirms my belief that...

1. Most of our people use education only for 'earning' money, wealth, power, authority, status etc and not 'learning' to be good, matured and cultured, adaptable human beings. When it comes to social behaviours at home and outside there is no difference between rich, poor, educated and uneducated, young and old.

2. Age or caste does not give maturity to many.

3. Our people are always fear struck, anxiety struck that they might get cheated or exploited and so are highly egoistic to cope up with this stressor.

4. There is nothing wrong in keeping them away from our life to have peace, happiness and success at home and our lives, if we fail in many attempts to change them to be adaptable!!

5. We need to know that we are always 'watched' and 'judged' by everyone around, consciously or unconsciously!

Yours peacefully....rams....

comments below..

Agree with you in toto. Need to reiterate one important aspect. Caste has nothing to do with good or bad behaviour. The monstrous villains and the noblest human beings are present in all cross,-sections of society. Our schools, colleges and most importantly our homes have missed out on inculcating values. The edifice of our education system is itself standing on a corrupt foundation. Our values at homes have eroded. How the hell will goodness perpetuate? Japan is a country that has consciously groomed it's generations on a foundation of rich values, integrity and honesty. We need to emulate and purge the society from within our homes. Let's begin

You could have reminded them that this kind of behaviour is a shame to the great Tamilnadu culture and our great APJ

 when they are forceful it is better not to enter...the dirt will splash on us also...!!

they are all personality disorder cases requiring counselling and therapy...first step is 'they understanding that they need to change for a better coexisted living'...then comes whether they require help to change or not...

there are many boys, girls, adults, elders like this...certain life experiences make them like this as they were not like this at the time of birth...we can help them unlearn all such negative experiences and make them good...provided they realise their issues and come forward...!!...All IITians and IIMians are not successful in life or profession or both mainly due to their personality issues!!

These are the occations where we can make them realise that what they are doing is wrong.

 do you think they are doing it for the first time?...and they were not advised to change their behaviours?...of course, there were other passengers trying to control them...but they kept on murmuring and irritating others...for such people pointing out is of no use...self realisation is important...

Why children of today post pone their marriage!!

Dear all...THIS IS FOR PARENTS...

Increasing number of students, especially girl students, requesting me to save them from their parents of their ‘MARRIAGE TORTURE’ has made me to type off this post...though many have been written earlier!! (human brain is complex, yet simple!...Which word or sentence or phrase will create that ‘punch’ and make it to ‘unlearn old and learn the new’, come out of the chronic self perceived (or socially induced or culturally sowed) mental agony...is not known to anyone/us. So, this is yet another attempt...in the chain of unending attempts!!

Hai parent...You have already lit the fire in their lives from 4 years of age, for more than 17 years i.e during the entire growth and critical developmental phase of their life, during the adolescence when their definition of life, living, what they have to do, how to live, how to be one-up than others, value systems, morals and ethics are formed...the period when they decide their passion, dreams, aims, goals and destiny in life, to compare, to excel, to be first in class, to be topper in everything, to win medals-awards-prizes-claps-appreciations, to win in the survival of the fittest game of life...You have always lit their brains, activated their sixth sense, made their priority in life as WINNING, getting BEST COLLEGE, BEST JOB, BEST IN THE ORGANISATION. 

And now you want them to get married when they are running?...They laugh at you, they think you are a fool, they think you are still living in caves, when you open this topic!...why?...

1.   They are earning and therefore they are not dependent on any one for economic needs.

2.   They are independent for their food, water, air, shelter and clothing.

3.   Their emotional and socialisation needs are met from parents, siblings and friends.

4.   They can win over their sexual needs through subsiding or through defence mechanisms and coping skills. 

5.   Though they like playing with children, but marrying-producing and rearing children are not their priority now.

So, whatever a marriage gives, in their opinion, they are able to get as of now. Therefore, they laugh at you!...They think ‘why should i get married when i am happy and getting everything now!’...You did not have this kind of stressful and challenging childhood growth and development, challenging amount of fun-knowledge-wisdom-social relationships at the finger tips. You lived through a body-based, totally dependent life in an era of less exposure, less educational-job-and-growth oppurtunities based on brain work/sixth sense, did jobs at home and office which were more based on ‘body’ and not using the brain/creativity!..Rest and entertainment also revolved around body, and you used your mind only to meet the body needs and to handle the threats which worked against your survival!

Earlier, ‘settling down’, ‘contentment’, ‘fulfilment’ means entering into marriage, producing children, family living, community living with relatives, as there was no aspirations of growing up and winning in job. They were contented with whatever job they got and focussed on marriage, family and social events. They went to office to only work from 9 to 5 and get some money for family living. Organisation was never a priority for them. Today, for the youngsters, ‘settling down’, ‘contentment’, ‘fulfilment’ in life means stabilising in the organisations, winning in work, achieving their aspirations-goals-aims-passion!...As you have told them during their childhood, they want to reap all the oppurtunities available in front of them when they are young, when the fire is burning, go for all the adventure activities (opportunity was lacking earlier..in olden days your adventure was to read a porn book or watch a porn video without the knowledge of your parents!...That was the greatest adventure you knew!) possible, go around the world, enjoy this earth. They see marriage and related social issues as a hurdle for this kind of flying in life!

Earlier people lived with their religious and cast groups/communities, with less socialisation with other religions or caste-groups. Today, even you have more friends from all types of religions and caste-groups than your own community! Truly your interaction with your old relatives is less than your business, school, college and social friends. So, your friends have taken more share of your life time, thinking, energy, life events, entertainment, sharing of feelings, thoughts and emotions than your relatives from religious and caste groups.

The same thing has happened to your children too. Your relatives are not their relatives. Your friends are not their friends and their friends are not your friends, and, for both of you, friends have more occupied your life and living than relatives. 

Earlier marriage was a ‘social need’ of the family and close relatives, and it was a big event or even sometimes a ‘game changer’ for the family in social life with relatives, or business motives. It had lots of inherent and underlying motives with selfish and family agenda of every one!!....Today it is more of an ‘individual need’ because of above reasons of independency and all children work and live far away from parents. So, there is no way of combined family and looking after the parents. They are going to live their life alone, taking their decisions all by themselves. So, marriage is more of an individual need rather than family or social need. It is more of the responsibility (when and with whom and how to get married and how to live the married life, definition of family-marriage-home-child-rearing of children etc) of the individuals than that of the parents. 

Today children undergo far too many complicated and networked emotional relationships, attachments, so called LOVE, soul-mate relationships, possessive friendships, sibling relationships, one sided love, multiple love relationships, with or without physical relationships etc that they become matured for their age. These experiences push them to take hard decisions in life with respect to ‘marriage is required or not?’...’will i get a guy who is committed life long?’...’Can i trust any guy for life long?’...’I cannot compromise and cut-off my best friends for the sake of my husband who is immature and who can’t understand my friendly nature with others!’....This kind of opportunity was not there earlier and the girls of the past knew only their husbands since their teens when they got married. 

So, today children over grow their parents in exposure of relationships, failures in relationships, cheating in relationships, even living and working in multicultural and multilingual environment, in adaptability, in tolerance of social issues etc., But parents are still primitive and think their daughters are similar to their wives!....Today the girls are good and capable in selecting their life mate who will be a good friend, compassionate, supportive in their profession, live nearby so that they can live together, or define their marriage or family or home differently by living alone and still remaining connecting and visiting each other often, redefining child birth and grooming etc.

So, Marriage is not a priority during the decade of twenties when they are filled with adventure, work, rising, enjoying the world, with travels, with friends!

So, do you think you want them to get married so that they look after you?...If you want to be looked after, you have to go with them and live with them or nearby. You can’t force them to resign their jobs for the sake of ANYTHING!...They feel they can look after you in a much better way while remaining unmarried. They feel the issue will become complicated and may not be able to look after you well if they get married. In fact all girls of india want to look after their parents soooo well and therefore they push their marriage away!!

Why you want them to get married?...For sex?...Emotional support?...They can meet these needs even without marriage. It does not mean they will have sex out of marriage. It only means they know how to tackle it and make it not a priority. They need more of an understanding, supportive good friend than a husband

peacefully yours...rams...