"if we don't marry as per the wishes of parents then we will not get a share in their property. Is it true?...What is your opinion on this?"

Dear all...One question...One answer...

Qn...Sir, there is a whatsapp message which says if we don't marry as per the wishes of parents then we will not get a share in their property. Is it true?...What is your opinion on this?

Ans: There are already enough sensational debates and discussions on TV channels on various issues to keep the viewers addicted at the edge of the sofa. Let us not add more!!

Let us not worry about if it is true or false...whether it is right or wrong...!!...It is truly immaterial!!

Let us look at our own selves. Our life should be good. We should live comfortably and independently with our family of wife and children with all kinds of affordability of education, food, clothing and other basic-needs and comfort-wants. So, we should become employable to earn a decent living for the kind of lifestyle we want to live. We should also become authoritative and powerful, more than the parents, legally, socially and financially. You should take them to your place of work and living to make them realize/understand that you are stronger than them. Then they will 'feel' weak and we are stronger than them. They will probably feel insecure. If they are independent of you for financial and emotional needs then they will feel happy and leave you in your way. If they are dependent on you, then they will feel in their subconscious mind that you are the rich and safest for them. You should be loving and caring to them so that they support you...they are with you...and you get their support for your marriage dreams...and you get their property also!...Their support will be very useful at home when you make the family at an alien place, rear the children, and are busy with your dream profession, passions and goals. So, don't make yourself weak.

Initially if they don't agree for your marriage proposal, don't fight with them. Don't argue with them. Show and make them realize your kind of profession and it's demands from your wife with respect to her age, qualifications, skill sets, appearance, talents, aptitude, potential, personality traits, lifestyle, culture, language skills of the place of working and living. Be full of loving and caring for them. But be firm about whom you will marry. You may consider the factors and suggestions which they tell you. Clarify their apprehensions and fears. Make them understand. If you don't agree with them, then explain them politely at the right time, right place and right social situation. Full-fill all their unaccomplished / unfulfilled dreams and goals and when they are happy, elated and feel good about your gesture and responsibility to them, that is the right time to explain your view points where they are contradicting. They are sure to fall flat, if not same time, certainly later, after munching everything, seeing your firmness, your love and care for them, the genuineness in your point of view and that you are more powerful than them, and if they don't agree, then you will go ahead as per your wish and they can do nothing about it and in totality they will be the losers as they will miss you, who is their strength!! So, some time or the other they will agree to your proposal.

By doing the above, you will make your parents happy, you will deliver the duties as a child to your parents, they will like you and love you, by keeping them with you after changing them you will only become stronger, by fighting with them and leaving them you will only become weaker and lose your trusted strength and support, as no one can be more caring, supporting, reliable and trustworthy than parents at the time of crisis and danger. Don't lose hope, because even the wildest of the animals have been tamed by humans. So, nothing is impossible!!

By keeping them on your stride you are increasing your social strength and also your children will get grandparents!!

So, think positive and take the most successful and trusted weapon of non-violence and love in your hands!!

You are sure to win them and get their property also!!

Peacefully yours...Rams...Psychologist!!

“Sir, I am a first year college girl. I want your help!!”

💐💐“Sir, I am a first year college girl. I want your help!!”

Dear all…one question…one answer…

Qn. Sir, I am a fair beautiful first year Engg college girl from one of the best colleges. I have been having a problem since childhood but now I am unable to handle it. So, I need help. Every boy from every corner wants to make relationship with me. I am generally friendly. So, all girls want my time, emotions and energy. Till +2 i did not have mobile and no social media. But now I have a mobile and so all my time and energy goes in that. I am unable to find time for my own self, my goals, my passions and my hobbies. I want to continue excelling in studies. I want to go for intra and inter college, national and international adventure, sports, camps, social service activities, cultural competitions and whatever other curricular, co-curricular and extracurricular activities. I want to learn so many things. I want to go around, travel, and experience so many things. I am a learner and want to learn about so many things by academics and experience. But I am not getting any time. I am frustrated sir. I am fed up and depressed. Another problem is I get attracted and attached to people very fast. I am too emotional (she is crying). When I hide, I get stressed and feel guilty. I don’t know what to do sir. Please help me!!!

Ans: 1. Beauty comes from character…i.e ‘what you do enduringly when others are not noticing you!’ (not what you think or speak or do for a short time with motives or when others are watching you!) and Attractiveness comes from Appearance. I think you are equally confused like others or accept what is shown in movies as beauty. Anyway, leave it!...You have learnt now!

2. The solution for your problem is simple. You need to be Assertive, that is all!!...Tell everyone that only face to face communication with you in reality and keeping physical distance. So, someone wants to talk to you, let that person come in front of you. If someone calls, see if the subject of talk warrants for an unavoidable call. If not, give a polite and stern warning to avoid calls and also tell you will block that person permanently forever. Do it also!!...Tell everyone No whatsapp msgs, forwards, facebook shares, sms, calls etc. You can have their contact numbers so that you can contact them if required. Tell them you will have only FRIENDSHIP and NOT RELATIONSHIP. Be friendly with all and equally with everyone. Be a good friend and an Ideal Human Being. Follow OPEN policy. Let everyone know whom all you have friendship. Tell everything, and all your friendships to parents. Let them be confident on you. All that you described above as your dreams are all perfect and you should pursue!!!...Just focus on all that you said you want to do. You will have all 24 hours with you. Only those boys and girls who are like you and with high tolerance and endurance will remain with you. Remaining all weights will fall down. You will be totally free.

When you follow the above, following will happen…

1.      All those with vested interest will not make any approaches.

2.      All those with wants, needs and expectations will go away.

3.      All those who want to knock down emotionally and shackle you will go away.

4.      You will be socially and emotionally free. No guilt and no stress.

5.      Only those who are genuinely interested in your true friendship…who are good human beings….who are unconditional…who are happy being a friend of yours…who respect feminity (and not females, the way our movies and culture teach!!)….who have no needs, wants and expectations from you…and who match with your thoughts and actions will remain with you over a long time.

6.      In this process you will find the person who really LOVES you for what you are who you are and not how you look like!...Appearance attracts people for pleasure and lusty reproductive needs. Whereas what I described above makes people to remain for true friendship even after the appearance fades off in few months or years!! In a relationship, only relationship should matter and not the wants, needs and expectations. Love after-all means ‘caring and supporting’!!...‘caring’ for the body, mind and your relationships with others and ‘supporting’ your dreams, passions, hobbies, beliefs, habits, routines and goals. When such people with same dreams, passions and goals are with you, then you will also support them and love becomes a two way process!!

7.      Finally when you reach around 25+ years of age, when you have stabilised in your studies and profession, you will find YOUR MAN clearly visible who has endured all that you said above and did over nearly a decade. So, it will be easy to find your life mate too.

8.      Aim is not to have too many friendships or relationships which  are unable to handle, diverting, distracting, stressing and pulling us down…making us weak…!!...Aim is to have ONLY those few who match with our mission in life so that they support us, we support them and the RELATIONSHIP blooms and remains for life time!!...What is the point in having someone who is a pain and weight in our journey?...After all no relationship which has only needs, wants and expectations…i.e LUST…and which has all these fulfilled…remains spicy and firing for a long time!!

9. We should be good human beings. That is all. We need not please every one, it is impossible, it is stressful, in this process we will lose ourselves, we will retain no one as we can’t please every one, and we will reach no-where in our mission of life!!

Peacefully yours…Rams…Psychologist!!💐💐