How to be the best in what we do..how to produce the best results in what we do...??

Dear all...THIS IS FOR ALL...

When you lose yourself in what you do, that activity becomes the best-of-you in that particular moment or occasion!!

Therefore, losing yourself is the only way to produce the best out of you at that moment and occasion!!

hihihi...more later...now, buseeeeeeeeeeee!!😀

Peacefully yours...Rams...Psychologist!!

are we doing service or business?

Dear all...THIS IS FOR ALL...

Expectation ....it is one among the root causes of failures in relationships!...It is a part of being 'conditional'!!

Moment we 'expect' something in return then it becomes a business!!...Could be emotional business (give and take) too!...Then the service...caring...love and affection...loses its sacredness, holiness, divine stature, sanctity of humanness and causes stress for both the parties!!

Lower organisms do not have this issue!!

So, it has become a negative part of sixth sense and evolution!!

We need to get rid of it, so that our service..caring...love and affection...becomes not a business, but a sacrifice, sacred thing, holi, divine, humanness, godliness and it takes both the parties to greater dimensions beyond relationships, and remains as devotional forever!!

Peacefully yours...Rams...Psychologist!!

a thought about what is happening around us and how to protect ourselves...

Dear all...THIS IS FOR ALL...

Any person or group that gives food, clothes, place to live, safety (means protection) and security (means life-long availability of above basics) for body-wealth-family-health, peace of mind, good-boy identity, image and acceptability in society to human beings will become guru, god and leader. Whatever he or they say will become the god-spell and the religion for them. The beneficiaries will remain devoted to them, do anything for them and will get obsessed with them and their preaching. It is soo easy to create the above!!

This is the basics on which all religions, religious groups and religious leaders function. May be spiritual groups too.

Any such person or group that does not compare itself with others, does not differentiate human beings, does not spread hate and destruction, just focuses on its agenda will survive for eternity, even if it spreads superstition!!...All others will face their natural death in the history of time!!

Looks like people are taught, convinced and obsessed that 'Religions are back bone of life and religious gurus represent Gods on earth'. As we like to get obsessed, easily get obsessed, would like to be parasites and 'listen-to' some one (because that is easier than 'thinking by ourselves and take decisions and be responsible for the consequences') we search for such people, such groups so that we get our basics, get direction, solutions for all real and perceived problems and feel free in the mind.

We follow who ever and which ever group is convenient to us and we also believe whatever is convenient for us as truth, correct and right. (e.g if some one said 'this entire world and earth has been created for you to enjoy, we 'destroy-to-enjoy', but the truth behind what the person must have said is 'enjoy-don't destroy-care for it...show love and affection to it...and grow and nurture it')

In all such endeavours, there will always be greedy, selfish exploiters who will spread misinterpretation for their self motives and realistically cheat people. We need to be beware of them and protect ourselves, our life, wealth, money and people.

Best is to remain a good human being, earn money, wealth, image, identity, safety and security by our own-selves, protect our family by our own means, keep our brain thinking, be creative and live a life of our own, remain detached while being attached!!...Peaceful, happy, healthy, contented, fulfilled, self-actualized and self-transcending life is possible even without being attached or obsessed with the above things!!

Peacefully yours...Rams...Psychologist!!

What is Love?

Dear all...WHAT IS LOVE?...there are thousands of definitions existing...here is my definition...

It is a life long positive perceptional feeling which one gets about something (living, non living, existing, non existing, anything in this universe or out of it) which results in positive thinking, positive behaviours to self and others and that is unconditional and devotional which gives us peace, happiness, good physical-mental-social well-being, contentment, fulfillment and self-actualization/self transcending!!

All others are short-lived, fake, needs and wants based, will spoil our life and will vanish!!

Pothumaa??😀....enough?....mathiyo?....

Peacefully yours...Rams...Psychologist!!

these are the people who are the reasons behind break-ups, stress and strain in relationships, failure of marriages and divorces...who are they??

Dear all...THIS IS FOR ALL...

These Type-A personalities are the ones who spoil the peace of their own-self and every one around at home, in organisations and in society. They are the ones who are reasons for break-ups in love, stress and strain in relationships and divorces in marriages!!

Who are these Type-A people?...Are you the one?...type in google 'type A personalities and disorders' and read...you will know!!

Also type in google 'Type-B' personalities...

Read both...whom you want to be? Type-A or Type-B?? or a mix of both??...Decide on your own!!

Peacefully yours...rams...Psychologist!!

THIS IS FOR ALL UNMARRIED...

Dear all...THIS IS FOR ALL UNMARRIED...Take a paper and list down what you want from your life mate?...what is the purpose of you wanting to get married?...Are you interested in just a friend from opposite sex?...Are you committed for life?...Are you interested in producing a family with children?...It is a universe of commitment, stress, taxing job to care, support, groom, help both the spouse and children...and so lots of responsibilities...amidst the demanding profession and turbulent industry!!...Life, love, family is not what you see in movies!!...Not so simple and easy, if you want to create a successful, happy, healthy family!!

In olden days children breathed air, drank water, ate whatever was available and grew up like animals studying in any govt or nearby schools. So, as days passed, bones grew, organs matured and they became adults, lived an animal life. Therefore, almost there was no parenting. They all grew by nature. Parenting was easy and simple.

Today and in future it is not an easy job to educate children and groom them to be good, happy, healthy human beings and successful professionals. You need to invest lots of money, time, energy, interest, moods to spend with them. Otherwise you will only create burdens for you and society!!

Therefore, WHAT YOU WANT?...If only sex, then don't get married, go to 'brothels' or 'call girls'...and enough of them available every where without this two brand names also!...If you marry for sex, REST ASSURED, YOU WILL NOT GET IT WHENEVER YOU NEED IT!!...So, don't waste your life, peace, time, energy, the life of other person and MOST IMPORTANTLY, YOUR PARENTS' HARD EARNED MONEY, IMAGE/NAME/FAME/IZZAT ETC.

If you want just a friend, not interested in producing a family, children etc, then TELL DIRECTLY, EXPLICITLY, OPENLY, WITHOUT MINCING WORDS, TO YOUR PARENTS, WOULD-BE GIRL OR BOY (PROSPECTIVE MATCH). Otherwise, it is going to be only losses in your entire life and everywhere!!

If you are interested in just producing children and not interested in investing all the resources i listed earlier, then also you are sure to lose your peace, happiness, health, hard earned money and feel at the end that your life is a waste and meaningless!!...You will also produce some animals or dead-weights to the society and your family as children!!....(like your parents say 'Were we trained to be a husband or wife or father or mother?...everything comes automatically once you get married, you learn everything on your own...responsibility and commitment comes on its own!!'...In olden days it may be true or possible. THIS IS THE MOST IDIOTIC AND IRRESPONSIBLE STATEMENT THAT CAN BE SAID OR THOUGHT OFF BY A PARENT TODAY!!

'yeppidiyaavathu pozhachhukkalam' is not possible anymore!!

So, if you are ready to make a family and remain committed for investing money, time, energy, interest, your entire life, to be a devotional, unconditional spouse and parent, then go ahead with a marriage!!...Else a big NO!!...You want to, but unable to, then take treatment and go ahead once you are confident!!

Peacefully yours...Rams...Psychologist!!

If you have 200 out of 200 in Bio, chem and Phy, then you can become a doctor!!!!!...Is this sufficient to become a doctor??

Dear all...THIS IS FOR ALL...

Teachers, Nurses and doctors are professionals, but what they do should not be perceived by them as a profession...they should perceive it as a sacred service to the humanity without looking at their watches for all 365 days and entire life, because, once you are a teacher or a nurse or a doctor, you are that for your entire life!!...and it is correct and truth also!!

These professions demand lots of morals, ethics, social skills, human values, personality traits like tremendous patience, dedication, empathy, love and care, selflessness, commitment...a big list!!...So, being a true teacher or nurse or a doctor is not soo simple!!

So, first we need to check whether we are fit for these professions...whether we have all the above or not!...Don't take up these professions just for money...you will not be peaceful and contented!!

If you have 200 out of 200 in Bio, chem and Phy, then you can become a doctor!!!!!....If you have money to get admission for MBBS, you can become a doctor!!...Who checks if that person has all the required traits??...If they don't have those traits, can they become successful in their profession?...They can only make money and wealth...will they be satisfied in their profession?

Few years back when i thanked the surgeon who performed open heart surgery to my father, he was magnanimous to say 'I have not done any service, i was paid for my work!'

Many become nurses to go abroad and earn in dollars, euros and dhirams! We have a state which believes that all girls should be nurses and teachers, and the neighbouring state also supports it and uses it to its advantage!!...They might go for money, but if they keep service as their motto and possess all the qualities listed above, remain dedicated to their profession, then it is good for their peace and contentment, else they are sure to get stressed!!

Same holds good for teachers also. Prof S Narasimhan, who headed the Aerospace Dept of MIT, Chennai for many decades, before and after independence, even before IITs were started, who produced many scientists like Dr APJ Abdul Kalam (type in google his name and Dr APJ's name, you will find how Dr APJ and others respected him for his TEACHING skills), used to tell in our class the story of how post graduation and research started in our country many decades ago...'There were 40 students in the UG class. Only 10 got job. The college wanted to do something for them. They felt if they are taught for some more time then they can get a job. So, they started with PG. Even after that only 10 got job. The college felt these dull boys need some more time to learn. So, they started research. Even after that only 10 could get job. 10 more were left out. The college felt 'if they teach the students then they will be forced to learn, will pick up communication skills and will come out of stage fear and pick up skills of addressing audience!' and recruited them as Lecturers in the same college, as no other college was ready to take them!!'

It may be truth or joke...we don't know. But we do have many name sake teachers in schools and colleges who come for only money, do not have subject knowledge, dedication, commitment, communication and teaching skills. Will they be happy, peaceful and contented??

So, the crux is...

The government, organisations and institutions may not have their checks and balances regarding who enters these professions. But we should not enter, if we don't have all that is required as above for our own happiness, good physical-mental and social well-being, peace, contentment and fulfillment in life. But if some one is there who does not have the qualities, then...we should reject them...disregard them...do the needful within legal ambit so that action is taken against them or they themselves leave these sacred professions!!

Parents should think many times before pressurizing the children to take up these professions in their life!!

Peacefully yours....Rams....Psychologist!!

THIS IS FOR ALL THOSE WHO WANT PEACE...

Dear all...THIS IS FOR ALL THOSE WHO WANT PEACE...

The most precious, most important and highest priority wealth in our life is PEACE. Anything you gain by losing this is a wasted life!!

How to get this?

Peace is a perception and not reality!!

From birth to death, at any time, we are at home or in society or in organisations like schools, colleges, social organisations or work place!!...very simple!!

Out of all these, if we assume that we start working at 20 and retire at 60, then 40 years, i.e our entire active part of resourceful life we spend at our work places!!...The conscious time of our life we spend in organisations. Most of the remaining time is spent at home for either getting ready to go to office or coming back tired to eat and sleep!

So, the crux is, we have to perceive peace at work, to be peaceful at other places like home. Only a person who is peaceful, can spread peace, happiness and fun to others at home or organisations.

How to perceive peace in organisations?

Define your life as a 'Journey of Learning'.

Tell yourself that 'I am here to learn (wherever you are...what ever you are doing...Whether you are at home or school or college or work place or any social place). I want to learn new things every moment. I want to be creative to learn new things. I want to learn to be a good human being. I want learn to be a good professional. I want learn to be a good boss who is liked by my superiors, peers and subordinates. I want to learn to be a good subordinate. I want to learn to be a good friend to all my peers. I want to learn to be a good friend to all my friends. I want to learn to be a good lover to my lover. I want to learn to be a good father to my children. I want to learn to be a good husband to my wife (& vice versa). I want to be a good child to my parents (we are always children to our parents however old we are!!). I want to learn to be a good brother to my brothers and sisters. I want to learn to be a good citizen of this country. What i can learn from this person?...What i can learn from this place?...What i can learn from this event?...What i can learn from this situation in life or organisation or home?...What i can learn from this work or job?...What i can learn from this relationship (it is not necessary that you have to spoil, strain and break-up a relationship to learn lessons...it is not that bad people teach us lessons...even by being good, taking measures not to strain or spoil or lose a relationship, to keep it going good for entire life also we learn lessons!!)

When you are like this, you need not project yourself to your boss. If required project too, the reality, to your boss. No one can mask a sun or moon with their selfish baskets. If you are like this from childhood at all places, then your legacy spreads and no single individual can spoil your image.

You don't have to be strategic like what chanakya said or other people say or all that is shown in TV serials. All these can only bring you fake, short term success, but true success of life in reality!!...You define your success of life and not others. If you live like the one i stated above, will you not feel success or will you not be regarded as a successful person?

You will be peaceful and spread peace to others also. In fact this culture of 'learning' you will spread to others also...it will become a habit and culture!!

So, the secret of being peaceful remains in defining your life as a 'JOURNEY OF LEARNING'!!

Peacefully yours...Rams...Psychologist!!

Where and what should be our focus in life?

Dear all...THIS IS FOR ALL...

Almost every one is focused on money and wealth in education, people, work, relationships, food etc. They keep making strategies to gain the two above.

Therefore the lives are filled with pleasures, wealth and money. But no peace, happiness or anandha, health, no good long lasting relationships, no contentment, no fulfillment in anything, feeling dull most of the time, depressions!!

More you focus on learning about life, cultures, people, different professions, mastering various skills related to profession-arts-creativity-true intelligence, good health etc you will get peace, great memories, good long lasting relationships, growth in knowledge-wisdom, you will become a good human being, every one will love you, long life without any medicines, great shape of body, shining body and eyes, you will become attractive, you will have lots of energy, you will be bubbling and radiating with enthusiasm...IN ADDITION YOU WILL HAVE FAME, AUTHORITY, EDUCATION, WEALTH, MONEY, PEOPLE, RELATIONSHIPS!!

So, change the focus of life and life style!!

You want to win a Nobel Prize?...Here are the things to do...!!

Dear all...THIS IS FOR ALL...

We have six senses...who knows, we might be having more too!!...We are not aware may be!!

Eyes...it is used for vision...it is able to see many things...and it is giving us a perception that 'this is what entire world is...or earth is...or universe is!'...There are several universes of things which we are not able to see through our eyes due to its limitation on vision!!...Insects and animals are able to see much more than our eyes. Bacterias and viruses may be able to see/sense another universe not visible to our eyes!!...But the lenses of cameras are able to see things which our eyes can't see...we are able to see them through the pictures!! Microscopes show us the beauties of nano objects. Telescopes show us things faaar away from our eye sight. But the truth is still there are universe of things to see using much more powerful cameras, microscopes and telescopes!!...All these will be discovered in the years to come!!

Ear...it is able to hear sounds between a small limited frequency spectrum. Here also insects and animals are able to hear much more music (or may be sound) than us. Is it possible to hear all the frequencies, beyond what we term as audible!!...We are missing a universe of sounds and music!!...Hmmmmmm!!

Smell...Here also our nose has its limitations and may be another universe of aromas or fragrance and what not!!...Is it possible to smell them too??...Hmmmmmm!!

Touch...who knows what all will come in future...skin probably will be made to sense much more than what we sense now!!

Taste....oh god!!...A big nooooooooooooooooo!!...With these taste buds itself enough damage is done!!...Enough....enough...enough....of course, health enhancing taste sources or additional senses are most welcome!!

sixth sense....wofffffffffffff...i am certain that we will land up with seventh, eighth and 'n' th sense too!!

Lakhs of equations will be written in future for human behaviours too considering him as a system like any other system. As of now not even one equation exists to define human behaviour!!

Our future generations will probably study B.Tech in Human Behaviour Technology!!

Hmmmmm...waiting to see all these....any one interested in taking up researches in these challenging universe of oppurtunities??

Peacefully yours...Rams..."........" logist!!

the basics to get a job...be successful in love affairs...to live a happy married life...

Dear all...THIS IS FOR ALL...

I think our parents and educationists should be awarded the Nobel prize for making 'Memory = Intelligence'!!

Of course, parents need to be awarded one more prize too, for thinking MARKS only can get jobs and growth in profession!!

From birth, till the age of 20 (or 25), it is PARENTS and TEACHERS who teach us everything. What they have to teach us is 'how to live in family life' 'how to get a job and be successful in professional life'...and overall how to live peacefully, happily, healthily, contented and fulfilled.

What they do?

Organisations want CREATIVITY, ADAPTABILITY, INTELLIGENCE and SOCIAL SKILLS!!

To live a happy married life also we need these only!!

Parents and teachers kill creativity, adaptability, intelligence and social skills. They only nurture memorizing skills. What is the use of it without the other four??..We have these four in a limited way due to their natural growth and heredity. How can we get a job?...How can we be successful in our love affairs or relationships or married life?...How can we get jobs and be successful??

Memory gets only marks and marks only is not useful for getting a job!!

So, the crux is...

1. Groom and Nurture creativity, adaptability, intelligence and social skills. Memory will come on its own.

2. Marks can only get admissions in schools and colleges but not jobs in organisations.

Peacefully yours...Rams...Psychologist!!

Funny parents and teachers we are!!

Dear all...THIS IS FOR ALL...

There are parents who still want and admit their children only in 'boys only' or 'girls only' schools and colleges !!...And they want their wards to get married to opposite sex and live a happy, harmonious family life!!!...Woffff....!!...There are 'girls only' engineering colleges too!!...I only hope some one starts 'Men only' and 'Women only' corporate, public sector and government organisations too!!...And these parents allow two girls or two boys to live together for life time!!

There are colleges who on the name of 'Discipline' make boys and girls sit separately, do not allow them to talk at any place, they even do not allow the male and female teachers/professors talk both inside and outside the college...they issue Memos!!

I don't know for what and whom these parents or schools or colleges are preparing the children for?...Family life, work life....for what??

'Love' and 'Sex' are the two words which all parents and teachers fear about. They don't talk about these two. In fact, talking about these two in a moral educative way is also considered as 'dirty'. They feel uncomfortable to discuss issues related to these. I have seen even doctors feel uncomfortable to discuss about these two!!...No one teaches the children on these two and they fear about this all throughout their life and put in every possible restriction which eventually does not allow them to grow, develop, mature and evolve for a harmonious family living or organisational working environment!

A child who is groomed with healthy physical-mental and social life style incorporating all its elements can not fall in, what you call as 'love', and will not have the urge to have sex. The 'ego' and 'super ego' components will be higher than the 'id' drives, and therefore the child will be balanced and steady always and will know what is right for him/her.

But we ourselves don't know this 'grooming with healthy physical-mental and social life style incorporating all its elements' and therefore we grow them like animals with more 'id' component due to lack of awareness and knowledge. So, however big may be 'ego' and 'super ego' components are, they will fall down and become small when compared to gigantic 'id' component when the body drives are high and results in falling in 'love' and indulging in 'sex'!

Mainly it is the food and exercises for body and mind that determine the hormonal secretions and therefore the bio-drives or the body urges or id component that are responsible for 'love' and
'sex'!!

(type these three components in google and read for more info)

So, the crux is...

1. Avoid such 'boys only' and 'girls only' schools and colleges.

2. Admit the children in co-educational institutions.

3. Allow them to mingle with each other right from infant age..so that they know well about each other's body, likes and dislikes, unique behaviours related to them, general characteristics, likes and dislikes, expectations of each from the other etc.

4. Both sexes should know about each other well for an adaptable living both in married life and work in an organisational environment.

5. Adaptability does not come over night and in a short time at adult age. It is a process that has to start from infant stage and remain throughout the entire growth and life process. Because every stage of growth and life demands different dimensions of adaptability!!

6. Learning about coexistent living is more important than marks or intelligence because after all the education they will be uneducated to work in organisations or live in family life and miserable failures everywhere!!

7. Groom the children with healthy physical-mental and social life style incorporating all its elements. Mainly food habits, physical and mental exercise regimes matter the most!!

8. If all these are done you can confidently give total freedom to your child to take all decisions in life and you live a fear-free life!!...With this you are also creating a society wherein both boys and girls live and work freely, happily, peacefully, harmoniously, successfully without adaptability issues and fearing about sexual assaults!!

Peacefully yours...Rams...Psychologist!!

Can't we live without any issues of the mind?...Is it not possible to live a mentally healthy life without any problems??

Dear all...THIS IS FOR ALL...

It is a must to have an unconditional devotional love in everyone's life to be mentally healthy!

Pet animals, god and gardening are the best for this!...There is an unconditional devotional relationship between us and them which is known only to us and not to others!!

Dog, obviously stands out to be the best among the pet animals!...Lord Murugan (subramaniaswamy nnu sonnaa adichhuruvaanga!!😂😂) and Lord Krishna are the best amongst the gods as we have created these gods in baby, child, adolescent and adult forms to enjoy all forms of relationship and love!!...Flowering plants are the best in the garden as they give good fragrance to nose, beautiful and cooling sensation to eyes, we can use it to add beauty to us, we can feel it with touches, ...basically feeds all sensors or senses....attracts butterflies, birds and beetles which add more beauty and love. Of course, vegetable garden fills our stomachs too (without fearing for the chemical filled vegetables from market!)!!

In olden days the ladies at home derived happiness, fulfillment, satisfaction and contentment through the unconditional devotional love from these sources. Children too added flavour to the fragrance in their life for some time as they lived with them or nearby till the end, but unlimited unconditional love is not possible and will affect their lives!...So, pet animals, god and gardens are the best!!

If you have all these, accept the destiny as it is, understand the creation of life in a positive way, design your own exercise regime for body-mind-social relationships, eat healthy, accept the people as they are, there is no way that you can get any mind related illnesses or issues in life ever!!

Peacefully yours...Rams...Psychologist!!

What is Patriotism?

Dear all...THIS IS FOR ALL...

Recently we celebrated Independence day!!...It is to celebrate the patriotism of our freedom fighters!!

Patriotism is not about land. Land will remain forever. It is a part of earth. When we are obsessed with Land and other material things we are likely to become animals, differentiate amongst us in all possible ways and keep fighting amongst ourselves and kill all human beings on various differences of language, caste, religion, region. Finally no one will exist. Land will remain for eternity, laughing at all of us, Human beings, the highly evolved living organisms.

Patriotism is all about People. It is about Humanity. We need to be patriotic about people. All those who are against peaceful human living are enemies!! Enemies are defined not based on those who live in a particular Place or speak particular Language or practice particular Religion or belong to a particular Caste or Race.

So, patriotism is not about Land. Patriotism is about people and Humanity...Humanism should be our Race, Caste and Religion...our Language should be unconditional love and care for all...Beware of exploiters and change them to be good human beings!!

Peacefully yours...Rams...Psychologist!!

Our life and living has become only 'eating'!!

Dear all...THIS IS FOR ALL...

The biggest problem today is 'we have made all social interactions, events, functions, anything and everything as FOOD-CENTRIC'!!...So, slowly the purpose of each event, the social dynamics involved in it, is getting lost and we are only getting obese, diabetic, hypertensive and cardiac patients!!

Marriages or age-attaining functions or any other function at home is focused on food!!

Any guest coming home, we give coffee or sweets or such other health compromising stuff!!

'Let us discuss over a drink yaar!'...'Let us meet over a lunch yaar!'...'Let us meet over a cock-tail yaar!'...whether lovers or friends or relatives or official interactions...all are food centric!!

All parties either personal or family or social are all food centric!!

Our time pass has become eating!!

Ladies spend most of their time in cooking and washing utensils!

The industries related to 'all the stuff that go inside the mouth' is doing all the stunts to put all the crap available on this earth in to the mouth of every one through advertisements and what not!

We have attached status value to many foods that they stand up prominently to add status identity too!!

The life today has become more stressful because we have forgotten to keep the life activities and environment to be automatically stress relieving too!!...When we are more stressed, we feel depressed when we are not able to fulfill the expectations of our own selves and that of others. So, we land up in binge eating!!...to an extent of reaching Bulimia nervosa!!

No wonder we become obese, feel about losing curves and shapes, losing arousal value affecting harmony in married life, appearing older, getting all sorts of life style diseases!!

Only when we come out of this eating disease and other body related urge-diseases, we can really really enjoy the life and find the meaning to it!!...Otherwise we will be only cooking and eating entire life, every where, losing the value of everything!!

Peacefully yours...Rams...Psychologist!!

the life of girls at home today...

Dear all...THIS IS FOR ALL...

Many decades back the girl was just a home maker, looked after parents, in-laws, husband, children, grand children, attended all family functions, took care of relatives and spent her entire life in cooking, washing and cleaning!! All these ladies are there in their sixties and above now!!...They did not and could not think anything beyond the family!!

Two decades back the girls had to work to earn and support the family, as a bread-winner, not to focus on the job but only on family, and were torn in two directions, both at office and home, as nothing changed in expectations at the home front!!..They are in their fifties now at home!!

Now both the above are not possible!!

She has turned out to be an ACHIEVER...PASSION AND ACHIEVEMENT CENTRIC!!...This is how the parents and changing society have driven her to be!!

But the parents and grand parents of yester-years who are in their fifties and sixties now expect everything above...which is not possible with out solid support and help from the husband and oldies!!

Giving up on anything results in loss of peace...and if the lady is not at peace, then no one can have peace at home!!

So, the best thing is to be supporting, caring and encouraging!!

Peacefully yours...Rams...Psychologist!!

what is the biggest challenge for the youths today??

Dear all...THIS IS FOR ALL...

The biggest challenge for the youth today is not the subjects...not getting jobs in placement...It is keeping their relationships and people in tact!!😂😂😂...This is the bigggggggest stress for them!!

Why they lose people?...why break ups?...why fights, unfriending, blocking?...why relationships do not last even for weeks??...why divorce after marriage?

One needs to understand...especially the boys...that the girls are stressful from all directions. So, if you are the one who can take all their garbage by listening to them calmly or helping them out in the way they want without any expectations, then they are with you. If you also add fuel to the stress fires they have then you are sure to miss them!!

Most of the break-ups are due to fights out of frustrations due to unfulfilled needs, wants and expectations. Every day is not same...every moment is not same...some times the bad days can go on for weeks too...one needs to have patience and go with the flow of mood and interest changes of the other person...accept and adapt to their changes...then relationships last for long!!

So, patience, being cool, being a garbage carrier😂 without any ego, being down-to-earth, being without any expectations, giving time....all these are important to avoid break-ups!!

Peacefully yours...Rams...Psychologist!!

when and how to speak to God and People...

Dear all...THIS IS FOR ALL...

if we go to temple on rush-full days we can only see people...people...people...everywhere...get crushed nicely.... We can't see the idol or god. You can't talk to god. If we go when only god is there then he has all the time to converse with us with his silence!!...So, to see people, go during those busy auspicious days...To see and talk to god peacefully, go during off working hours or non-auspicious days!!

We should not get obsessed with him or with anyone (lovers or spouse or friends), and talk!!...Then we will only talk irrationally, illogically, (what we call as talking from heart), impractically, out of reality. Nothing will work out without damages and losses. So, when we talk to god or people in perfect, stable consciousness in a cool, calm, balanced mood, then we will get peaceful solutions for all the issues!!

Showing patience, giving time to god and people are the best ways to get peaceful and positive solutions. Nature...the god...ensures all impossibles possible!!

Peacefully yours...rams...Psychologist!!

Is watching Porn movies good?

Dear all...THIS IS FOR ALL ADOLESCENTS, COLLEGE STUDENTS AND MIDDLE AGED PEOPLE...

All those with a healthy reproductive system who watch porn movies, which portray unnatural, unrealistic, animalistic, recreational sexual behaviours, irrespective of whether they have a suitable mate or not, will surely land up in very high impossible levels of expectations, dissatisfaction, sadness, frustration, anger, loss of focus/concentration of mind, lose relationships, fail in love, fail in marital relationships, land up in divorce and many dissatisfied extramarital relationships, lose jobs, fail in profession, get depressed, become addicts of chemicals/drugs, get sexual disorders and land up in suicides!!... They can not be mentally healthy!!

Whereas, a person of any age, any sex, who does yoga, exercises, meditation, practices spiritual exercises for body-mind-social relationships, eats balanced and healthy diet, who follows a non-sedentary, healthy, active life style, does not watch porn movies, will have a healthy reproductive system, will live a healthy sexual reproductive and recreational life, be peaceful and happy in relationships, love, married life, will be successful in profession-personal and family life...and will not get all the above negatives listed!!

Peacefully yours....Rams....Psychologist!!

Marry a person of same age group...we continuously change in to different human beings!!

Dear all...THIS IS FOR ALL...

All living organisms on earth belong to 'animal' group. We have named ourselves as human beings. What are distinguishing characteristics of human beings from animals and do we have them or not?...Anyway, it is out of syllabus and scope for now!..Let us focus on the topic!

So, all human beings have basic instincts, thoughts, emotions and behaviours required for eating, sleeping, protect from threats, reproduction, rearing, recreation, love and affection, acceptance and self actualisation. It is common for all ages from birth to death. All the thoughts, emotions and behaviours required for the above are produced by the hormones (which make various systems required to function) and neurotransmitters (mood and interest creators). Due to aging these secretions vary, so, our thought processes, emotions, interests, moods, mood levels, behaviours all vary. But they remain for ever!!

Eating - Think, show emotions and do the things required to get the food.

Sleeping - A natural process that occurs when body or mind or both are tired.

Protect from threats - Continuous subconscious evaluation of anything, everything, anyone, every one around us!!

Reproduction - Think, show emotions and do the needful to attract, get attracted, by the opposite sex, word hard, show caring behaviours for closer proximity for reproduction.

Rearing - Thoughts, love and affectionate feelings, caring behaviours, emotions and actions that reinforce stronger bonding between people concerned, working against all the odds to ensure that the offsprings are safe, secured, grow, prosper etc.

Recreation - It rejuvenates the person to live for the next hour, next day! Human beings are the only living organisms on this earth which use reproductive thoughts, emotions and behaviours for recreation too!!...So, no wonder they leave the relationship with out the feeling for rearing the offsprings!!...Women subconsciously get attracted to young, strong, safe, secured men whom they believe subconsciously to be 'reproductive and rearing' to produce healthy offsprings, but realise in their conscious later that they were only interested in reproduction, recreation and not rearing, because it is a long process of many years of life with high demands of money, wealth, energy, time and responsibilities!!

Acceptance - From family members, relatives, society around, peers, subordinates, bosses and organisation!!...So, they work hard to get this from these people. When you perceive 'feelings of rejection', the opposite of 'feelings of acceptance' then you get depressed!!

All the above are there throughout our life in varying levels.

But some of them remain prominently during some stages in life...

e.g From birth to 13 years - thoughts, feelings and behaviours towards Recreation.

From 13 to 30 (or 35) years - thoughts, feelings and behaviours to attract people of opposite sex and getting attracted, go closer in mind and body, reproduce.

From 35 to 50 years - thoughts, feelings and behaviours towards rearing the offsprings, seek love and affection, look for feeling of acceptance from all and self actualize.

From 50 and above - Make others self actualize...i.e self transcending!!

Why i am telling all these?...What is the take-away from the above?...What is to be learnt from the above?

1. Marry people of the same age or age group! If a 22 year old girl, who is in Reproductive stage marries a 30+ man who in body condition, thoughts, emotions and actions in Rearing (i.e matured adult) age group, she will obviously be not satisfied, frustrated, angry, sad and will be forced to enter into thoughts, feelings and behaviours relevant to Rearing group to match with him. Of course, due to lessons of learning in life, life events, if a boy or girl has become an early maturer at teen or early adult itself, entered into an matured adult phase, then they can marry aged people!!

2. Don't expect the 13 to 30 thinking, feelings and behaviours when a person is above 30 (or 35). Then your expectations are irrelevant, too much and therefore you will become sad, get frustrated, angry and land up in all legal and medical issues.

Aging, maturing, evolving, growing and changing into different person is a continuous process. We will be different at 10, 20, 30, 40, 50, 60, 70 and 80. We will not be the same person at all the ages!!

Peacefully yours...Rams...Psychologist!!

Where to live??

Dear all....THIS IS FOR ALL...

When you continue to live amidst your relatives at the same place of growing up, then you are more likely to become the slave of your relatives, however educated or evolved you might be! They will dictate, control, demand and expect your life and your children's life too!!...For what??

No community in our country, in its entirety, is fully evolved, matured and keeping up in pace with the demands of the present!! Only a few in that group are in step with the present changes. Most of them are tadpoles at the banks of the river, will not allow you to swim strong at the middle of the river, against the current. They are parasites with hidden agenda, at least with jealousy!!...And our poor parents get swallowed by them!!

There is no difference in cast or religion or education levels in this aspect...all are same!!

Beware. Use the common sense. Use presence of mind!!

All relatives by relationship are not relatives!!

Most of them suffer not because of third person in life, they all suffer due to the close relatives inside and outside the homes!!

Are they relatives??...whoever it may be!!

Think!!

Peacefully yours...Rams...Psychologist!!

What is art of living??

Dear all...THIS IS FOR ALL...

If you know the art of loving every one, and make every one to love you, both unconditional and devotional, then you know the art of living!!

So, let us first learn this...i.e art of loving...art of unconditional and devotional loving!!....and teach our children also the same as their first learning lesson at home from parents, before they step out of the house to schools or colleges......!!

There will be no love failure, no break-ups, no divorce, no fights with parents, siblings, friends, relatives, bosses, peers and subordinates!!

Peacefully yours...Rams...Psychologist!!

Being possessive will not help out today and in future as every one will have more than one close friend of same priority or more!!

Dear all...THIS IS FOR ALL...VERY VERY IMPORTANT...

Being possessive will not help out today and in future as every one will have more than one close friend of same priority or more, with whom they will share emotional friendship!

This may be the biggest threat for all types of relationships, before and after marriage!

So, Learn how to remain with out possessiveness and how unconditional love and devotional relationships can come from deep within without efforts or consciousness!!

Peacefully yours...Rams...Psychologist!!

How to be happy, successful, win in love, get good job, in college life??

Dear all...THIS IS FOR ALL STUDENTS...

Why students are sad, not happy, not peaceful, not getting jobs, fighting with their friends and lovers, not getting good marks, failing in exams, get distracted in all directions in social networks, chats, fail in love, go behind opposite sex for all body or mind needs??

It is soooo simple...only five points!!

1. Less sleep.
2. More anxiety.
3. Missing meals, especially Breakfast, the most important!!
4. Eating all crap.
5. Sedentary life style...no exercise...no games!

If they correct these, everything will fall flat and they will fly!!...Do the following...and eat the crap and be crappy also😂😂...no problems...if you stop them you will go cranky and crack down!!...hihihi...But don't miss the following!!

1. Sleep at 10. Get up at 5. Do routines. Go for 05 mts walk in hostel. Take 05 long, deep breathes in fresh air.

2. Do one yoga asana. Only 5 mts!

3. Study.

4. Take bath in cold water.

5. Eat good carbohydrate break fast.

6. Listen, understand and study at college. Don't waste even a second.

7. Spend 5 mts for LAUGHING nicely with your friends once in an hour!

8. Eat more dal, green leaves for lunch. And eat your chicken, mutton, fish also...no issues!!😂😂...go out and eat paneer and ice creams too!!😂

9. Teach two weak students...arrears students...weak in 'English' students...during the lunch break...some important questions...easy methods to pass etc.

10. Finish the lab by 3.00 and spend more time in library or with PG or PhD scholars in their research work...or do some project of your own. Don't expect teachers to spoon feed. College is not school, so what if your teachers make it an extended-school, you make it a college for yourself!!

11. Go to hostel by 5.30 pm. Play a group game which involves good amount of running. Sweat it out!...Feel fresh!!..Come back at 6 pm.

12. Cool down. Spend this time to LAUGH with your friends. Take bath in cold water.

13. Eat dinner at 7 or when the dining hall opens. Here too laugh nicely If you get little time before dinner, you can FB or Whatsapp. Sit for studies before 8 pm. Stop studies by 9.30 pm.

14. Hug and kiss nicely your friends in hostel and greet them good night from your heart. This is the exercise for the mind and relationships. Switch off lights at 9.50 pm and go to bed to sleep at 10 pm.

Don't allow any one or anything to change this time...allow every one in your envelope only during the times meant for them!

Don't look at others. Don't bother about others and their criticisms. Look at only yourself!!

During week ends go to library, orphanages or such places 'not for service' but 'spending some value added time' with them, go to temple, parks, go to malls, teach some weak students!!

If you follow this, you will not fail....will not feel sad...will not strain your relationships...will not lose your lover...will not become slave of your body...will be guided by your own brain-sixth sense and wisdom...you will get many real and true friends...you will get lots of love and affection...haters and jealousy people only will criticize...seeing your happiness, radiance, good life style, great moods and success!!

No one can be successful in life without a discipline of their own...self discipline...!!

Peacefully yours...Rams...Psychologist!!

an important point to be noted by present students and future parents!!

Dear all...THIS IS FOR STUDENTS AND FUTURE PARENTS...

When i was a small boy studying in corporation school, in Tamil medium, not so good in studies, playing country games in dirty and unhygienic places, all parents in that area told their children...

"Don't join with Mani!!...He is dirty...a rowdy!! You will get spoiled!!"

My close friends were all from upper castes doing very well in studies. When i observed them to find what makes them good in studies, and changed my life style and way of living...definition of life...definition of living...passion and goals...the same parents started telling (still telling!!) their children...

"Go and Join with Mani, Be with Mani, Be like Mani!!"

The issue is, I started living like their childhood, they started living like my childhood!!...😂😂😂

I started living the life like an upper caste boy and they started living their life like a lower caste boy!!

Upper caste or lower caste tag does not come by birth but the way we live and define our life as!!

They were brainy and intelligent. I am average. But whatever they understood in one minute, i understood after one hour!!

But the point is....I became equal to them after one hour!!

They stopped their run...i am still walking at my pace!!

So, to be successful in life, we need not be intelligent...we just have to be HARDWORKING, CHANGE OUR LIFE STYLES, CHANGE THE DEFINITION OF LIFE AND LIVING ...and...remain COMMITTED!!

Peacefully yours...Rams...Psychologist!!

Are we deriving the real value out of Face Book and other social networking websites??

"If only all the students who share health or life philosophy memes followed partially or completely or frequently or occasionally, at least one or few of them in their life, their life would have been totally different!...When they share it for fun or counting the likes, ha..haas...wows...shares...or finding out about people or for getting a boy or girl friend, then they lose the actual value of the meme or the Face Book!!"

("intha aalukku romba yosikkarathey pozhappaa pochhudi!!...fun ai funaa paakka theriyaathu"😂😂)

Peacefully yours...Rams...Psychologist!!

How and from where to get high wisdom and knowledge?

Dear all....just below is a share about a dark complexioned, poor girl from tamil nadu...

there are hundreds of such kalaivanis in every state!!...hunger and poverty along with ethics and values teaches most of the lessons through self experiences that no guru or no god or no holy book or no religion can teach!!

So, if you want to learn the lessons of life through self experience then leave the luxuries and comforts and go around the streets of the country and world with an aim of Learning through the Journey of Learning in life, like Lord Buddha did!!

You go to PSG Tech, CIT, GCT, College of Engg Guindy or even the top medical colleges of Tamil Nadu...you will find many such dark complexioned, poor, thin, but highly intelligent brainy girls with high values, morals and ethics of life with such high scores not only in +2, but in engg and medicine too...9.7 cgpa etc...that you will collapse!!

hmmmmmmmmmmmmmm....God knows where to keep what!!

Peacefully yours...Rams...Psychologist!!...

One of the best lessons.....not to underestimate anyone....! n not let ur education , position,power,wealth , social standing, arrogance n preconceived notion cloud ur judgement..... ! *If you are not able to find some spare time to read this, it will be a great loss.* THE SALES GIRL IN CHENNAI GIRI STORE, THROUGH THE EYES OF “ WASHINGTON POST.”
After the Temple Darshan at the Kapaleeswarar Koil at Mylapore, we entered the "Giri Trading stores" 
and started searching for this Book on "Thatva Bodha".
We found many people buying various Books and CDs and from their smart walks and accumulation of CDs 
from Abhang to Aruna Sairam and Bhajans to Bombay Jaishree, sent a nice feeling in us, that we have come to
the right place indeed.
I was looking for this Book while my wife started collecting Bharathiar's songs and MS's Music. I searched 
everywhere for this Book.
There was this Girl, standing next to the Cashier, sincerely watching all our movements - a dark complexioned 
Girl, should be from a nearby Village, might be 17 or 18, should not have crossed 8th Std., might be out of poverty 
she is here.. All my Journalist's brain unnecessarily calculated about this Gullible Girl..and tho' she was repeatedly
watching me, I ignored her and started searching for "Thathva Bodha".
I saw many books from "Sandhya Vandanam" to Swami VIvekananda's "Chicago Speech" but having spent a 
good 40 minutes. I looked at her, she also looked at me curiously.
I did not asked her, knowing fully well that such a girl cannot have any idea of anything, leave alone "Thathva
Bodah".
"Sir, may I help you?" (in Tamil)
"Yes. I am looking for 'Thatva Bodha' "
"Sanskrit Text or English/Sanskrit?"
God..she knows. "Sanskrit & English"
"Do you like to have the Publication from Chinmaya Mission or Indu Publications or by Ramakrishna Mutt?"
"I don't know..I just want to only Learn you see.. I don't really know indeed"
"Do you read Tamil Sir?"
"Yes I am a Tamilian " (thinking to myself how most of mylife time I like to act in most Other places that I am not)
"Then Sir, you can take this"..she ran to the shelf where I had searched for 30 minutes, removed the books in
the front and came out with a Book in Tamil. 
"This one in Tamil by N.Sivaraman by Indu Publications infact is simple and wonderfull. You have the Sanskrit
Text too inside."
My God! Why did I under estimate such a Genius. Just because of my Arrogance that I am an NRI. Or Just 
because I presumed such a Black, dark complexioned, gullible girl, who would have come for this job out of absolute 
poverty, wouldn't have any idea of "Thatva Bodha".
I decided to change my attitude and realized that I am absolutely an 'Idiot' at this moment in front of this 
wonderful girl and submitted myself in all humility. "Madam, I really don't have any idea of even who wrote 'Thatva 
Bodha' till yesterday. I just attended a lecture on this subject and was fascinated by the lecture and hence....."
"Did you attend Goda Venkateswara Sastri's lecture in Bharathiya Vidya Bhavan?" 
"Oh God. How did you know?"
"He regularly takes classes on such subjects. In fact he is one of the best Sir, in the city on such subjects."
"You are interested in such subjects?"
"Yes Sir, I read a lot about Swami Vivekananda and Ramakrishna and Thathva Bodha incidentally is my favourite 
Subject"
"Do you mean to say you have read Thatva Bodha?" 
"I have read this one by Sivaraman. Once you read it you won't feel like keeping that book on the table at all."
"Why what is so great about this Book?"
"Sir,you must be joking that you don't know about 'Thatva Bodha'."
"Really. I accept my ignorance."
My wife was watching from the corner, admiring all her CD collections.
"Sir,according to me, if you read this it gives the entire Vedanthic Saramsam and to say it in-one-word you 
become a bit more humble in life, leaving Ahamkaram once for all."
"Is it a fact that reading this simple book one would get so humble?"
"Of course one should be involved totally into the text. Needs a lot of conviction and devotion."
My wife joined the conversation and she felt this girl is indeed a very very talented intelligent girl, so she told 
me, "Why don't you interview her for Washington Post? Why at all you should think of Paris Hilton?"
I also felt that I owe something to her.. So, I asked her whether she can spare sometime for an interview.
She politely refused saying "My boss is to give me permission. Besides, many people are looking for guidance 
or help, like you and hence I have to go."
"What is your name?"
"Kalaivani."
My wife's admiration for her devotion to duty and her total involvement in her work, made her go direct to 
the Boss and said, "Sir,that girl Kalaivani."
"Yes very hard working Girl."
"This is my husband Viswanath."
"Nice meeting you Sir"
"He is the Senior Journalist in Washington Post."
The Boss stood up." Washington Post?"
"Yes Sir. I would like to interview this girl. I am highly impressed with her ethics."
The Boss called her. Time was 5:45 Pm. "Kalaivani, they have come all the way from USA., They would like 
to spend some time with you. Can you?"
"Sir, there are so many customers waiting for some guidance. as it is a rush time. If they can come again 
tomorrow."
"OK. I can come again tomorrow."
I came back next day morning leaving all my appointments with 'Times of India 'and “Madras Press Club “ just 
to see this girl. It was no rush hour.
My wife and myself found out. Kalaivani is from a small village near Arcot. She has 5 sisters, she being is the 
eldest. Her father was a drunkard and he died a few years ago caring for none of them. Her mother used to work as 
a helper in Masonry and passed away two years back, leaving all the 6 on the streets.
This girl who had completed her 9th std decided to search for a job and 'Giri Trading' came forward to help her 
out. She brought up all her 5 sisters with her and with her meagre salary she is taking care of them. All the 5 sisters 
are going to a nearby Chennai Corporation School.
"Kalaivani. But when did you get this enthusiasm to learn about 'ThatvaBodha'?"
"Sir after joining here, I decided that the best way to be of help to the customers is to know the Subject first. 
I took small Books on Ramana, Ramakrishna, Swami Vivekananda and started reading. I found the subject so fascinating..
I decided to read other books in Tamil like Bhagavad Gita, and Viveka Choodamani. Thats how...."
"What is your salary?"
"Rs 2,500/ a month, Sir."
"Are you able to manage all your expenses with the 5 sisters?"
"Not at all Sir, but the Boss helps me a lot."
"What is your aim in Life ?"
"I want all my sisters to get education. Then they would easily get employment. Is it not Sir?"
"If I give you Rs 10,000 per month, for meeting all your expenses, would that suffice?"
"It is indeed too much, but I would accept it only through my Boss."
We took her to the Boss and told him that we would like to send Rs.10,000 every month so that all her sisters' education would be completed.
The Boss said "She deserves it Sir. You can trust me - I will hand over the amount to her every month or alternately you can open an account in her name and start transferring to the account."
My friend John Paul, who is the Regional Manager of 'Times of India' had also come with me. He said, "You have done a good thing."My wife said, "I pray that 'Karpagambal' helps Kalaivani to become an expert in 'Vedantha' and start giving lectures in USA . We can arrange for her lectures."
We left wonder struck! If we go into the interiors of India, how many more 'Jewels' like Kalaivani can be found!!
I really became humbled!
Really the above incident teaches you an important lesson. Be humble and open always. Never underestimate others without knowing them. It can be misleading.🙏🙏🙏