Thursday 25 June 2015

What are we supposed to do with all the knowledge we have?

Hai all...

International Yoga day...lots of info (software?) about YOGA entering our computer brain in all directions...storing many softwares in computer is of no use...they become useful only when installed...so, let us DOUBLE CLICK ALL THE YOGA KNOWLEDGE AND INSTALL THEM IN OUR BRAIN, CONVERT THEM INTO BEHAVIOURS...so that the knowledge helps us to be peaceful, happy, healthy and successful. When we install the knowledge and convert it into behaviour, then it becomes a 'learning, and gets converted into wisdom!!

peacefully yours....rams...Health Psychologist

What happens in our brain and body when we do yoga?

Hai all...

on the special day of yoga every one speaks about yoga...their knowledge gained and experience felt...my experience of doing it for the past 15 years is here...

1. We don't live in our cities or home. We live in our BODY and MIND.
2. If both are healthy then we will be peaceful, happy and successful. Many successful people are not healthy and peaceful because one of them is spoiled.
3. For body to be healthy the organs should 'function' optimally and 'age' slowly.
4. Functioning and aging of organs depend upon HORMONES.
5. Yoga ensures correct level of secretion of hormones. So, functioning becomes optimal and aging takes place slowly.
6. MIND is formed when various parts of brain work in a coordinated manner.
7. Strong, positive, peaceful, happy, healthy mind is produced when the neurotransmitter secretions are optimal. These are chemical substances which connect one neuron to the other. So, brain functioning and moods to perform behaviors depends on these.
8. When neurotransmitter secretions are good, we get the ability to unlearn all the negative mental structures and replace with positive perceptions.Yoga helps this.
9. This is how yoga helps to have a sound body and mind.


peacefully yours...rams...Health Psychologist

What a man searches for all throughout his life?

Hai all...

all mothers hug their newly born child below the neck space in between their breasts and kiss...the first emotional bonding behaviour of a mother immediately after she touches her child first time!!!...this is what the organism looks for throughout the entire life, being the first learning of emotional support!!!...(by the way most of the learning in life is sub-conscious!..i.e any input that gets converted into behaviour!...most of the inputs and conversion into behaviours are without our knowledge/consciousness!). All those (children, husband, wife) who do not get his go out of the family social system for this basic need. So, all hug each other nicely.

happily yours...rams...health psychologist

Which is the most dangerous period of our life?

Hai all...

13 to 25 years of age is called the (mostly 13-18) 'window of vulnerability'!...i.e age during which all the bad health behaviours are learnt, mostly through addictive chemicals (e.g smoking, drinking, drugs etc). Initially learnt for fun and social acceptance. All who acquire these habits say 'I am under total control!'...'i only do social drinking occasionally!' 'I smoke once in a while etc'. They will have control only when everything goes normal in their life. When heavens fall, when they fail, when they loose battles, when they consciously or subconsciously sense/perceive 'feeling of rejection', when they feel depressed, then they fall back heavily on these bad health behaviours for stress bursting, emotional support, peace, happiness, pleasure etc and screw up their life.

So, one who comes out of this 'window' safely is the strongest, safe and healthy person throughout life!

healthily yours....rams....health psychologist...

What decides our tomorrow?

Hai all....

"What we did yesterday has made us what we are today. What we do today will make our tomorrow!!"....

rams

Importance of 'Arousal value' in our life!

Hai all...

in our traditional culture both men and women (especially the women) bother about their 'arousal value' only till marriage...(woffffffffffff, should get a match!!!)...so, they take care of all aspects of their appearance and personality traits to be pleasing, appealing, attractive, beautiful etc...after the marriage both of them let it lose and lose their arousal value!...this causes lots of problems subconsciously on the physical needs front...becomes a reason for lose bonds which both do not know...and leads to various other social issues at home...so keeping the AROUSAL VALUE till end of life through appearance and personality traits is as important as our breathe!!...as it revolves around the basic, natural, physical (physiological?) need of the body which attracts and brings two opposite gender together.

peacefully yours.....rams...Health Psychologist.

Simple idea to find time to do exercise!

Hai all...

many of my friends complain that they have too much of work, no time do exercise or walk...all occupying top positions...it is very simple...1. they can always procure a tread mill or equivalent machine and install in their office itself...one more at home...we can go for walk any time in a day...even in night till about 11 pm....and any time after 5 am...so, while working we can always find 5 or 10 mts to get up and run or walk...whatever we can...we can also install such machines here and there in the organisation so that even other employees can do it...

time will not come infront of us and stand and tell 'here i am, do exercise now!'...10 mts of run or 20 mts or short time bursts in between work can always be found out and walking can be in the office itself...why not give it a try?...it is much better than dying in a second due to heart attack leaving the job, organisation, loving people at home, making our mother sad to see her son / daughter dead in front of her...the deadliest punishment a mother can get for all that she did for us....

5 or 10 mts?...or permanent departure from this earth...just imagine your wife and kids for a second...your mother too...you will automatically get up and start running...or walking...

peacefully yours....rams...health psychologist...

The one line punch!!

Hai all...

'what we munch in our mouth and mind decides our peace, happiness, physical-mental-social health and of course, success!'

peacefully yours...rams...

Every one says 'control your tongue!'..'control your mind!'..'control'...'control'...is 'control' right?

Hai all…

father says ‘Control your addiction to social networks!’…mother says ‘control your tongue! (after spoiling with tasty cooking and not healthy cooking and after we become obese!)…teacher says ‘control your mind!’…Brother says ‘Control your behaviours!’…or Mind your behaviours…
So, every one in our society says Control…control…control…controlllllllllllllllllll!!

Actuall control is a badddddddddddddd word….the word itself has negative connotation…control is bad for health…both body and mind…

The control indicates that there are urges which are not good for physical, mental and social health…so, every one says control your urges…control your senses…control your processor etc…

even in engineering terms if the values (here secretion of hormones and neurotransmitters) are at the set nominal value and system behaves at those values then it is said to be stable and normal…but due to external variables the set values change and we go for closed loop systems to bring back the values to set values…
With respect to our body the external variables do act on our senses and make us change from the set values…it tries to increase the urges and make us go unstable…so they say apply control…i.e bring back the senses and behaviours to normal…

but if we do yoga and other body exercises, the hormones and neurotransmitters are kept nominal, they ensure that there are no urges…they keep the senses stable and normal…they also make the mental structures about everything cool, stable and normal…so the thinking or cognition is cool without any provocation…positive…so the senses are stable…no urges…thinking is cool and positive and therefore the behaviours are also pleasant, no urge related behaviours, cool, attractive…so no need of any controllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll!!!!

So, the crux is control is bad, creating urge is bad. Keeping the senses, thinking and behaviours cool, normal and stable is important. Sinusoidal variations in all these is not healthy and physical and mental (yoga and asanas) exercises help to achieve this.

peacefully yours...rams...health psychologist

Is it possible to feel and think at the same time?

Hai all...

It is said that 'women can feel and think same time whereas men can only think or feel, but not together at the same time!'....as per theories first sensing through senses or recalling the stored memory 'learning' and then processing them for perception (the process of thinking or cognition) takes place...then comes the resultant emotions or feelings and then the behaviour....of course, when we are totally occupied with emotions and feelings the cognition is mostly fantasy and not reality...so, whether the resultant behaviours will be right or not is questionable...anyway....it is an interesting issue to note and ponder over....

rams

"some people are good in your life only for some time and not all the time"

Hai all...

we come across many people in our lives...some cross our lives giving memories, lessons or both...it is destiny that they have to come in our lives...some times we have control over such arising of people in our life...some times we have no control...they cause the positive or negative things and leave...

those who change with us in the same way and same speed with same intensity will remain the perfect friends forever throughout life...but mostly people change differently....the end result is some people are good in your life only for some time and not all the time...so, they leave memories and leave...they may be existing in front of us or away...but as changed and different people...no use for us...for the purpose they were useful earlier...mostly friendships are emotional and so we feel bad for them and the lost relationships...sila nernangalil sila manithargal!!

rams

How to search for God?

Hai all...

the other day when i asked a person 'what is the purpose of life?'...he answered 'To reach god!'...when i asked about the purpose of living he said 'to search for god!'...whether his answer is right or wrong is a debatable point...but most of us search for god by giving up true joy, happiness, peace and health...end result is we neither find the god nor live peacefully and happily...whereas the right way of searching god or living is with joy and happiness.

rams

what is Meditative Living?

Hai all...

We keep reading that Meditation is good for mind and spirituality. But where is the time?...so MEDITATIVE LIVING is the best. i.e being in the present, following 'Life is to Learn' policy, enjoying what ever we do, accepting the people and life situations as they are!!

rams

simple thing about spirituality!

Hai all...

When we ask people 'What is Spirituality?', most of them define it centering around God. Whereas it is centered around Mind. For keeping the Mind peaceful, calm, balanced, cool, focused, powerful, fearless etc God concept is not required.

rams

What is the core philosophy of life?

Hai all…

we like doing things which give us happiness…when we do these liked things we are in the present moment, we are focused, forget the surroundings, no looking at watch, forget day and night, forget food and sleep, no fear of unknown future, no sad feelings of the past, no expectations, we enjoy doing, we do it for just doing it for happiness, we are creative, we do it well, others appreciate, we get rewards, our self-confidence and self-esteem go up, we feel powerful, we want to do more, we feel achieved…we live our life!!!

Children do things that give them happiness. If we force them to do things which do not give them happiness they will resist, might do till we are present, then go back to do things they like.


But is it always possible to do only liked things?...No. At the very second of birth we are born in a social system called family. As we grow we become a part of more and more social systems. We have a status (e.g son, father, friend, student etc) in each and comes with it the associated role. Whether we like it or not we have to accept those statuses and perform the roles to be a part of that social system. Otherwise we will be thrown out. Social systems provide all our physical, mental and social needs. So, we have to do things which we may not like.

If we live alone in a forest then only we are free to do what ever we like all the time, the entire life. But being social animals, we have to live in social systems and good social health is a MUST for good mental and physical health.

So, what is the way out?

Meditative living is the only way!...i.e having the Life definition that ‘Life is to Learn’. When we have this feeling then from morning to night we want to only learn in what ever we do. So, we are inquisitive and get involved in the way I said in the first para. So, we live our life.

As we deliver the responsibilities in social systems, meet the expectations, others are happy with us. We get the ‘feeling of acceptance’. No feeling of rejection. So, we feel peaceful, happy, healthy and successful.

peacefully yours....rams...Health Psychologist.

How we become a Human Resource?

Hai all...

We are all born as small babies...Human Bodies!!!...We don't have any resourcefulness to any organisation. As we grow, we gather knowledge, skills and experience. Then we become resourceful to organisations. We become Human Resource. No more human body to an organisation. So, managing or developing the knowledge, skills and experience resources in a human body is HRM or HRD. Mostly we can not choose our bosses or group members or subordinates. If we tell 'He is useless or she is useless, then we become useless!...so, accepting every one as they are, managing the personality traits and aspirations that come with the human resources and human bodies is the only way to survive, live and be successful in any social system.

peacefully yours....rams...health psychologist.

Is it possible to have a stress free life?

Hai all...

At the time of birth, whether we like it or not, we, by default, enter into a social system called family which has its own faiths, beliefs, rules, regulations, restrictions. As we grow we become part of many other social systems which also have their own set of above. So, we get bound by multiple and contradictory sets of above. We handle many roles and statuses. Therefore, we end up having stress of the body and mind.
Social systems are created by us for some orderliness and equal freedom for everyone. But we are part of nature and nature tells us to be ‘totally free’ in all dimensions. So, there is a conflict!!

So, subconsciously both nature and social systems drive us in multiple and conflicting directions. When it comes to conscious reality living we do the balancing act to find some orderliness within the madness so that we find a path of clarity, little peace, happiness and good health. Certainly this process is stressful.
When we are unable to do, we seek the help of psychiatrists and psychologists. They don’t give their wealth or work towards meeting our demands. They just give clarity to our thoughts and help us to come out of the mess. If needed they give medicines to regulate the neurotransmitter secretions.

So, the changes in the climate and surroundings (temperature, humidity (high humidity leads to profused sweating and frustration), dust, sound, winds, traffic congestion, all types of pollutions etc)) stress our body and mind. Demands of various social systems stress our life, living and mind. All these stress us without our knowledge / consciousness.

By default, we have made our life stressful through creation of social systems, while trying to sort out the issues of nature!!

rams

Who is a Devotee?...Is it good to be a Devotee?...WORTH READING...

Hai all...THIS IS AN INTERESTING ISSUE FOR ALL...WORTH READING...

When a person meets or comes to know about another person of pleasing and matching personality attributes it could be due to reality (i.e the person is stable in moods, neurotransmitter secretions and really finds the other person matching in the attributes...at least at that moment) or a perception (i.e the person has urge or need for emotional or physical support or a feeling of acceptance....due to less secretions or dire needs...or down moods...could be fantasy...or could be opposite sex attraction...or could be mild depression also) what we call as 'beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder').

under such circumstances this person tries and puts in all efforts to find out all the details about the other person...

the next step is that this person tries to get in touch with that person…if he or she is able to sense positive response from the other side the person feels too happy and elated…feels a sense of achievement… and starts the socialization....in this process this person reveals everything about him or her to that person...i.e process of slow, steady and complete surrendering starts....

this relationship could be on a person living (e.g celebrities) or dead or non-existing or even god (e.g aandal, radha, meera)

this person becomes totally devoted to that person...ready to sacrfice any wealth, health, body, mind and entire life....

the person reaches a state of nothing matters to me, starts thinking about only that person all the time, even to an extent of losing sleep, forgetting food...

they lose their power of thinking, the words of their 'person' becomes god's words, they just blindly follow that person, they can't refuse their directives, they happily obey, they become the servants of that person, they will go to any extent to make the other person happy, even if they know that they are being exploited, 'used', cheated etc....

they worship that person as god...they fear for him
they will have very low self confidence and self esteem, always live in fear.

unregulated love to a person, item or god leads to such a devotee condition.

such people will be too creative, famous too, will focus all their skills to adore, praise, fantasize and live in their own world in imagination with the other person...they will keep longing for that person...they will cry at times...they will miss that person too much...they will resign their jobs, leave their homes, forget all their parents, relatives and other relatives and sacrifice everything in their life for that person...they will derive pleasure and happiness in their world they have created and live within it...

they would not like to interact with any one...even if they interact the discussion will be about that person...or they may not share any info about that person...

if asked they will say they are right, they are happy and nothing wrong with them...they also will say that they found their soul-mate and are living peacefully…

some of them turn highly possessive….if the person is alive then they become suspicious too...high possessiveness damages the relationship, peace, happiness and health...

in this issue both or one of them could be married…this complicates the issue further…or both could be single which simplifies the issue…the devotees generally spoil their life and spoil the life of the other significant people of their life too…unfortunately this is not under their control as they are driven by the basic need of life…’love and affection’…’emotional support’…but others can help as long as they are in a state to understand…if not they can be treated…but the issue is the devotee will keep saying ‘I am fine, all others are not correct!’

Most of such devotees are the high IQ people…so many of the IITians, IISc ians and from such other elite institutions are found among devotees of many people…this is because when IQ is high, the EQ (emotional quotient) and SQ (spiritual quotient) are low…unless their childhood grooming itself has the ingredients to improve the EQ and SQ…generally it is not…so they fall into this devotee relationship.

Most of the celebrities who commit suicide are those who suffered lack of love and affection, emotional support, during childhood and later, and landed up with Borderline Personality Disorder. They are all that high IQ variety, which makes them to become achievers but they fall prey to their low EQ and SQ. So, raising EQ and SQ while grooming is important for high IQ people.

Why devotee relationship is not a correct mental health state? Why it is a sickness?

Because being a devotee is an OBSESSION. The person is obsessed with only one person, one relationship and nothing else matters for them including their own self and life. They ignore their health. Their day to day life is affected. They also affect the life of the other person. Some of them do not go for treatment even when they have other serious illness, saying their god will save them. They do not expand into the freedom of knowledge, social living, relationships etc. Their interests in life are not wide. Narrowed down to one person.

Many leave their families and go behind their ‘gods of love’. Some can slip into deep depression and also Schizophrenia. They can even commit suicide. They will cry without any reason. They go to the extremes of emotions. Mostly unstable. They will die if their ‘person’ dies (and we adore ‘what a sacred love!’). They generally cannot accept other person living a happy family life. Some even come out of this and accept the other person, but can not live in peace always throughout life.

So, devotee relationship is not good. Even in love relationship between spouses. The love should be only to a level of not affecting the routine life in the absence or presence of the other person. Life should be expanding and not obsessed about one person, place, item, religion, god etc.

Are you a devotee of this nature?...or You know any devotees of this type?...check it out!!!...

liking a person or religion or life philosophy and following while being an expanding type in a limited way without affecting the routine life is not a devotee relationship. So, no confusion please.

peacefully yours...rams...Healthy Psychologist.

05 things which are important to us in our life every day!!

Hai all...i read this today....

"we also have to transcend knowledge sometimes. Some people love to work and work. So for them liberation is thru karma yoga (doing). Similarly some people are always in their heads. For them gynana yoga (knowledge and inquiry) is more suitable. There are others for whom refined emotions of love, joy, intimacy and bliss are the most important (who like to dance and sing etc.). For them there is kriya yoga (working with energies). Singing and being in love is 'bhakthi yoga. So each person is inclined to one of these paths more than the other. We need to be balanced as all these five are important to us!"

rams

Friday 19 June 2015

THIS POST WILL CERTAINLY CHANGE YOUR LIFE!!

Hai all...

Hmmmmmmm…..i can see all plant life and animals (including birds, insects etc) laughing at us…looking at the way we live…the way we have made our life and environment complicated, miserable and slavery without any freedom…the way we are suffering from life style diseases and dying every moment…the way we are killing each other…the way we have roped our body, mind, life and living with soooo many controls of religions, caste, gods, beliefs, faiths, culture, customs, traditions etc…

Some people with vested interest who want to make their living and control the people, societies, countries, nature etc have linked everything like physical & mental exercises, dressing & eating habits and every damnnnnnnn simple and small thing on this earth (e.g buying gold, house construction…list is endless and every day we watch in TV and in all media) to GOD, RELIGION and CASTE.

They have been successful in emotionally driving the people towards GOD, RELIGION and CASTE.
They have also been successful in keeping the people under FEAR psychosis, confusing them with all unimaginable and non proven things by performing some magical acts, and making them believe that life is a struggle, battle and every one and everything is a threat for life. They have also been successful in dividing people/ communities on the three issues above and emotionally driving them to hate each other, communities, religions, castes, gods etc and fight against each.

We have lost our thinking ability and become goats to follow blindly such people. They do not allow anything good for human beings. They fear losing their authority over people, societies, communities and countries. The end result is people are confused, lost cognitive ability towards life and living, lost their ability to design their life and suffering from lots of mental, physical and social diseases. No peace of mind. Kill each other.

What is the truth?

1. Peace, happiness, good physical, mental and social health, and life and living designed and moving towards self-actualisation is the BASIC OF OUR LIFE.

2. Anything, any one, any place, any faith or belief, any life event that gives all these is right for us. Everything / every one else is wrong for us. All the books that give the above are holy books. Any book or talk that does not give the above is not holy for us.

3. Every person is different. So, right and wrong differs from person to person.

4. Food and dressing habits depend on the climate of the place of living. They are to be changed when we change the place of living. Else we will die. They are not related to religion or caste or customs or traditions.

5. Religions, castes, gods, temples, holy books etc are made by us for us. To get all the above at Sl No.1. We are not for them. We are here to live. Not to die to make religions, castes, gods, temples and people with vested interest to live. All those related to these are stinkingly rich, powerful, with all armed securities and live a posh life. Only we are poor, with lots of diseases on body and mind, can not afford even the basic of survival (forget about existing or living!!), no security of life, sophisticated medical care, belongingness, our beloved people, no peace, fighting against each other and dying.

6. Emotional attachment to fear, people, gods, religions, castes, holy books etc will only bring low self-esteem, low self-confidence and sorrows. Everything and every one in the universe is a part of nature and all organisms have got enough physical and mental ability to protect themselves. Whether death or birth, all remain within the WHOLE called universe / nature. So, there is no need to fear. It is a bad health condition of brain which creates a weak mind.

7. Life is to enjoy, be happy, peaceful, to live to-gether, enjoy and cherish social relationships at home and outside. Not a struggle or battle. Destiny always brings good for us. It is our perception that changes in our cozy existence are threats which brings sorrows and make us feel destiny is bad, end up in resisting it and losing peace.

8. Every person and life situation is different. We have to accept both as they are for peace, happiness and good health.

9. We need to use the brains and decide what is good and right for us not to blindly follow. Any one or anything that directs us or controls is wrong and bad. Anything or anyone who provides us entire knowledge, makes us to think and decide our own life is right and good for us.

10. World has only two things. Proven by science and not proven by science. How does it matter whether god exists or not. We have to survive, exist and live here. How does it matter whether god created the universe or not? How does it help our day-to-day living? Has all these provided things at SL No.1? Why should we keep fighting or discussing or arguing. Science will continue striving to prove all these unproved. It is endless. Probably it is an endless journey for science too. No one can prove the unproved with words or magic. So, arguments or discussions will never be conclusive and waste of precious life time to bring divides and sorrows only at the end. Therefore, faiths, beliefs, superstitions will remain till the human race exists. They are not the property of any religion or caste or god or temple or holy book or community. Every one has the right to follow his/her own set of above. They vary from place to place, person to person depending upon the climate. There can never be a human being without a set of all these. Which one to follow?…which one is right?…ANYTHING THAT GIVES Sl No 1 is right and can be followed. Freedom of living, belief, faiths, food, dressing and everything is the right of every living organism here, without affecting / depriving other organisms from getting all at Sl No.1.

Peacefully yours....rams

Sunday 14 June 2015

How to strengthen the relationship with your lover/wife/life-mate/soul-mate?

Hai young girls and boys....

How to strengthen the relationship with your lover/wife/life-mate/soul-mate?

I think investing more time to adore them, listen to them by paying focused attention not to give replies or solutions but to understand, adore their traits, make them grow by strengthening their positive talents, seeding some new talents in them by which they realise their potentials, making them self actualise, helping them to rise to different dimensions, attain fame, breath the freedom, make them feel flying are the important investments to be done to strengthen or mature the relationship...these provide them the life long peace and happiness...other material gifts etc might add only the cream...not the main pudding!!

peacefully yours....rams...

How to come out of the ego called 'I'?

Hai all...

ego...i.e the feeling of 'I', is the main source of many problems in life...how to come out of it?

The technique i use is thinking or self talking 'I am a small boy. I don't know anything. I want to learn!'

This helps us to keep us down-to-earth, young, listen to anyone and every one irrespective age, gender, status etc, keep ourselves open to ideas, we are in the present, no fears, we grow in knowledge and wisdom, we are approachable by others, we feel social acceptance, self-concept, self-esteem, self-confidence etc keeps increasing only and many more such positives.

rams

Who is a WIFE? What she is supposed to do?

Hai all....this is for the young boys and girls....

Who is a wife?...what is her role in our life?...if you ask this to the college students (boys), i am sure the answer would be as follows....

1. to get up first...early in the morning and make tea for all

2. to cook breakfast, lunch, serve, pack, make the children to get ready to schools

3. come back in the evening, clean the house, wash the clothes-dry-iron-shelve, teach the children, buy provisions, wash utensils, cook dinner, serve, wash, clean the kitchen

4. freshen up and look after the physiological needs of her husband

5. sleep last

6. attend all social functions of the relatives and friends

7. manage all the issue related to administering of the family

How the boys answer like this? Who taught them?...they observe their mothers, sisters, relatives and friend’s families and make such social roles of a wife….

all learnt from the primitive people (organisms!) of the previous generations...old junk and total slavery type concept...

if any one of the present generation expects all these from his wife and goes in for marriage he is going to get scccccccccrewed and will get a culture shock!!!...

such people can employ a servant for all the dirty jobs...satisfy their body needs by themselves or go to sex workers!!...it is better such people live single and enjoy their life in a flat where house keeping is off-loaded.

If some one thinks as follows then he is eligible for marriage from now on…

Wife is not servant but a FRIEND, a companion, she is there to share intellect...emotions…arts...knowledge...wisdom...play...sing...dance...enjoy spirituality...it is that BOTH ARE REQUIRED FOR BOTH FOR MEETING THEIR BODY AND MIND NEEDS…it is not one way traffic…all house chores are the responsibilities of BOTH…

in fact off loading all these mundane robotic jobs is the wisest to use those few minutes or hours of spare time you get at home for relationship building, fun, happiness, peace, all types of romantic, intellectual, spiritual (etc) communication, understanding the issues of children, their studies etc…otherwise you will end up only doing house chores, get tired and frustrated and then fighting on bed!!!...

this wrong concept of role of wife only has screwed up the wife-husband relationship in the past few decades...the present generation is growing in the correct way....i only wish the old primitive organisms of our era and previous era do not spoil them and screw up their lives too!!

We need to remember….

1. if a marriage does not end up in a divorce it does not mean it is a successful marriage….

2. there are many families where the husband and wife are cut off on many issues and at many levels. You ask the ladies they will list down the social system (marriage and family) and personality (of husband) related issues separately.

3. i have asked many ladies this question 'How much time you spend talking to your better half in a day?...whom do you enjoy talking to the most?....the answer so far has been 20 mts....my old classmates and close friends!!...

reason is they feel more closer to their friends, feel better and comfortable talking to their friends than their husbands, cherishing old memories, even if they talk every day!!!

Some tips are….

1. work out a healthy balanced diet menu for all three times that is easy to cook or make, require less items, takes less time and produce less utensils for wash

2. Children should prepare their food, clothes, room on their own (it is possible if it is done from the age of two)

3. Off load other mundane robotic chores 4. Share all the unavoidable chores between all at home…doing the chores should not be to finish the responsibilities but to enjoy, make fun, strengthen the relationships and social dynamics at home.

peacefully yours...rams...

How we land up with personality disorders?

Hai all...

from birth to death, cradle to grave, womb to tomb, we all grow, mature and evolve. It is never stagnant. No one can escape from this. The environment (social, physical, legal etc etc) shapes us. At every stage and age we are expected to face developmental challenges that will make us grow to that stage and age, make us get ready to go to the next stage of development, expose ourselves to the next stage of challenges, mature, evolve...and again go to the next stage...this process goes on and on...this is called growing...the issue is...
If an organism does not get exposed to the developmental tasks or challenges...IT DOES NOT GROW...DOES NOT MATURE...DOES NOT EVOLVE...AT THE RIGHT TIME AND AGE AND STAGE IN LIFE...SO IT BECOMES INCOMPETENT TO TRAVERSE TO THE NEXT STAGE...woffffffffffffff...our parents did not know this...our schooling or college educational system does not know this...there is no structured or planned development of children or adults here...

we all grow like bushes, shaped here and there by parents, relatives, friends, schools, society, colleges and organisations...and other social systems like marriage, family etc...destiny decides our maturity and evolving...when what happens and when we become complete and noble human beings, we don't know...so we are always deficient...we lack...therefore we land up seeing most of the life events and people as threats, we fear, we shrink, low self esteem, depression, we land up with wrong paths, decisions, land up with social and legal issues...finally feel rejected by people, society, organisations, family etc...

so, exposing children from birth, adequately to the developmental tasks / challenges is a mustttttttttttttttt....which are the tasks to which age?...we will see later...or read text books...good text books...

children exposed to challenges over and above their age leads to personality disorders e.g death of parents, fight and separation of parents, natural calamities, sexual challenges...which again cause ruins to their life and other significant people around them...they need to be treated before marriage, else they will spoil the life of another human being...

when an iron bar is caste, it has to be perfect...if there are defects in it, they can not be rectified...the bar loses its strength and becomes unsuitable for its application...but we can not kill human beings...every one has defect inside...as no one is perfectly, scientifically groomed and developed...but we can always make efforts to remove the defects and create off springs who are perfect to an extent.

so the crux is.....

1. expose children to the developmental tasks and challenges commensurate to their age

2. don't give them an oppurtunity to experience challenges beyond their stage of development

peacefully yours .....rams...

How to win the parents?

Hai all...

children generally face problems with parents only after they become adolescent in some of the issues like deciding friends, schools/colleges, selection of courses, jobs, place of living, belief systems, culture, dress code, social behaviours, life-mate. The general thumb rule to win the parents is.....

1. don't get emotional, while the parents are mostly emotional, compulsive, authoritative, loud-voiced in their communication

2. be patient, calm and cool...patience only wins!! 

3. don't be in a hurry to win. Let it take time. Anything that matures with time only will be stable for life time.Over night changes will not be permanent. Let them also think, discuss and decide. Give them the time to mature and evolve to your levels and domains. They are not fast as you are. Their exposures are different. The secret is they are more emotionally bonded and in many cases dependent on you than you are on them!!! so, they have no option other than to change, in most cases.

4. Be firm. Don't yield to compulsions, requests, compromises, strategies and threatening. Don't lose your cool ever. Don't criticize them, laugh at them, yell at them and physical with them. Continue looking after them, showing love and affection to them, remember LOVE / AFFECTION is the only tool that can change them. Keep telling them 'I love you all. But at the same time i want to fly, expand, grow, win, achieve, learn and learn, go all over the world, experience every happiness on this earth, i want you to feel proud of giving birth to me, i want to take you all also and show the universe, give me that oppurtunity, don't make me just a mammal!!'...tell them whether they beat you or threaten you or force you, you will not yield and at the same time you will not leave them high and dry....

5. communicate repeatedly. Help them to expand by giving your hand and come out of their welded skull. They might have been groomed by their parents and closed social groups and that is what they are now. Explain in detail how you are right for your kind of living, place and social group. Explain how it will give peace, happiness, fame, wealth, success to you. Tell them to ask questions. Tell them to open our their fears. Think about them. May be some of them are useful to you to correct the course to your destination. Thank them for the questions, apprehensions, suggestions, fears which helped you to plan it better. They might fear for their and your insecurities, social stigmas etc. Answer them to the level of bringing confidence in them.
You are sure to win!!!...after all parents want you to be safe, secured, happy and peaceful, while all these of theirs are also looked after, by you or by their own selves or through the efforts of both and involving others.

all the best!!

rams

Who is responsible for increasing number of old age homes...parents or children?

  • Hai all...

    there are many emotional and biased posts shared in facebook...many articles are also written in mags...that old age homes are on the increase because of irresponsible children (sons!!)...the actual truth is every son and daughter wants to look after the parents...but parents are

    1. rigid

    2. not adaptable to multicultural and social living

    3. emotionally attached to their own places, people, caste, religion, way of living and force or expect the children also to live the defunct, extinct agrarian social living and put the blame on children as blaming others is part of our best culture....so, old age homes are on the increase because of immature and un-evolved (i am not good in english!!), primitive parents!!

    So, children, wake up and strengthen your back bone to be vocal...change your parents or make them know this...don't spoil your life on the name of 'sacrifices' and 'compromises'...killing your life is not called sacrifice or compromise...tell them to come to you wherever you are to get looked after...
     
    rams...
     
    some comments and my remarks are below...
  • "Disagree wid u. First up no one is blaming children for d increase in old age home culture. The two main reason for dis is one, d disintegration of d joint family system and two, d single child or two children norm. Earlier wid d joint family system elders did not have to think of old age home since dere would b one or two people working locally who took care of all elders in d family. However, once tat disappeared n wid d small family culture coming in n wid children venturing away from their roots in search of greener pastures, dere is no one to take care of parents in their old age. It would b criminal to uproot dem from their roots. Children r not at fault but neither r parents. Old age homes are an inescapeable reality and honestly, a good option where old people can care n support each other. Old age homes must b run by people who genuinely wanna address d concerns of old people n not merely as a commercial venture."
     
  • "Problems are never one sided, Parental rigidity is fast disappearing as new parents have grown in nuclear family themselves , transferable jobs of parents further prepare them to uproot. The problem area are total uprooting from country, getting totally cut off from friends and family , sickness with ageing and so on. Actually no body is sacrificing anything today, their are selfish children and their are self centred parents, balancing goes on wherever it can. Old age home if run properly can be a better home , society is changing very fast and how long it can maintain its bonding and fabric that has to be seen."

  • Manickarajan Ramasubramanian good one santosh...claps and caps on your hairy head!!...social systems evolve out of needs and survival like any other thing.Old age homes are the best option. My post was just to stop the perception of some primitive people who spread such feelings (my uncle tells this often...hmmm...purinchukka maattengareleppaa!!)
     

  • Manickarajan Ramasubramanian Arun kumar sir, thank you sir for the enriched post with full of experience and wisdom...we live in a different community...my relatives live in a different community...still in the village sides and semi-urban sides, the people are the same, with blaming mentality or they plan it in such a way that their children stick on to them...result is many engineers are in the kitchens and toilets...
    " the feeling and expectation that we have children only and only to take care of us is the problem! This expectation leads to so many evils in society like preferring a male child, trying to plan children's futures to suit the parents, sacrificing everything for children and then blaming the children. Once we stop having children just or primarily to take care of us, things may get better."

  • Manickarajan Ramasubramanian changing and being with the new society keeps us with them and surrounded by people and our children....unlearning all that redundant ones we learnt is the way to be peaceful, happy and not being lonely...
     
     "Expectation is d root cause of all problems. Do our best for our children widout expecting anything in return will lead to happiness. Children will do everything possible for parents but to leave a lucrative job away from parents just to take care of dem may not b feasible n shld not b expected too. When healthy n young one should plan for old age, where will v live, who will cook wen v r old n unable to handle cooking, how will v get timely medical assistance, how will v pass tym etc etc must b adressed with full awareness tat children will not b able to discharge dese responsibilities. To brand children as selfish just bcox dey r not able to do so would b cruel n unfair. Children have a career to build n a commitment to dere partner n children to fulfil. NO EXPECTATION NO DISAPPOINTMENT."
     
     


What is love?...another dimension....

  • Hai all...

    every teen ager falls in love...every adult falls in love...love can be defined in infinite number of ways...if we ask for definition to 1 crore people we will get 100 croroe answers...the definition of an individual changes depending upon the age, needs and stage of our life...

    Is there any one who loves a person (for marriage or living together) without the arousal value?...will you get married to a person who does not arouse you? (many girls get forced in our community to marry boys who do not arouse them....if they say 'i don't like him!' parents ask 'why?' can any girl in our community answer to her parents 'He does not arouse me!'?...Do girls get aroused for living with a boy in a moment or few seconds of seeing or interacting for few minutes or hours or days?....the ('f' all) concept here is they will get adjusted later and get aroused!!!....

    'love at first sight!' 'the bell rang in my heart moment i looked at him/her first time!' etc are purely based on physical appearance and 'perceived personality attributes' (i.e 'he/she will be like this')...it might or might not evolve into a life long soul-mate relationship...but the love that blooms after many years of friendship without any physical need or any sort of dependence is the one that will turn into a soul filling life long relationship!!! (But the back bone of our culture is 'make the girl a parasite and locked in all directions' so that the marriage becomes 'successful' (?)!!) (in local language 'kazhutha veettaiye suthheettu kedakkum!)...great culture we have made for our children!!!
    rams
     
    some comments and my remarks are below...
     
    Are you a sociologist or psychologist ? Don't look at worldly problems.it will ruin our life.Nalla vishayangala mattum parunga !From time immemorial ,these problems have existed.Don't single out any problem. 
     
    Worldly life is 700 crore(world population)plays directed by God.Script is not the same.Some scripts have only comedy,only tragedy,mix of both,masalla and so on !
     
  • Manickarajan Ramasubramanian hai boss...i have read both sociology and psychology...we are part of many social systems by default which influence our living and we influence them...my posts are based on the issues come in front of me through people who come for guidance (counseling?)...their cries, fears, 'standing on the brink of life' feelings, 'you are the last source of my confidence!' approaches make me to type all these...i am looking at my/our community problems...the problems faced by my contacts here...i have insulated myself since childhood from all the dirts of our culture...so, i am happy, healthy and peaceful...still walking in life towards my definition of success...when people call me to talk i talk...when people come to me for suggestions, help, guidance or counseling i do...i type the same thing here...many have told me, both young and old, that they have helped them to change for positives...also this is my wall...so i have the liberty to say what i think is right...yeppoodeee?...(smiling!)....by the way, you have the liberty to type anything on my wall...only when people are allowed to expose, they expand...this is my philosophy...so no probs brother!!!...keep typing and keep talking...
     
    one more comment...
     
     
     Interesting Subbu, keep penning, you raise very important social issues, we cannot be Osterich to run away and hide, we have to face the issues as it comes, sometimes too many things are combined and much complex than we can simply analyse. But simplicity is answer to complexcity as well .

    • Manickarajan Ramasubramanian thank you so much sir for the encouragement...words from seniors and my bosses like you makes me going with reading, researching, helping others and moving towards the eternity of knowledge and wisdom with respect to human and social behaviours, management, science and engineering. Thank you sir (salutes!).
       
       
      "Initial stage Passionate love matures or transitions into companionate love, only when friendship and understanding exists between partners! Need to invest a lot in the relationship to make this happen. Sometimes this transition does not happen properly and partners lose interest in each other."
       
     "yes, we have to invest a lot in jewelry, property in wife's name,silk sarees etc"
  •  
    Manickarajan Ramasubramanian i think investing more time to adore them, listen to them, adore their traits, make them grow by strengthening their positive talents, seeding some new talents in them by which they realise their potentials, making them self actualise, helping them to rise to different dimensions, attain fame, breath the freedom, make them feel flying are the important investments to be done to strengthen or mature the relationship...these provide them the life long peace and happiness...other material gifts etc might add only the cream...not the main pudding!!
     
     
    "well said Rams! Every Person is Only looking to self actualize. Partnership is about self actualizing."


  • Manickarajan Ramasubramanian hmmmmmmmmm....i am only getting a big perumoochhu!...anger against all the so called 'munnorgal'....who created the division of labour at home....they only perceived the girls as servants who will do all the donkey's jobs, emotional labour and sex workers...nothhhhhhhhhhhhing more than that!!...if some one wants his wife to do domestic jobs he should get married to a domestic servant or employ a servant or stay in a flat or hotel where house keeping does all these jobs...wife is not a servant...she is a friend...she is a companion...she is there to share intellect...arts...knowledge...wisdom...play...sing...dance...enjoy spirituality...this wrong concept of role of wife only has screwed up the wife-husband relationship in the past few decades...the present generation is growing in the correct way....i only wish the old primitive organisms of our era and previous era do not spoil them and screw up their lives too!!
     
     
    rams