"I am black and ugly. No one loves me. Fit for nothing!'

hai friends...how are we?

we live in tropical region. It is hot here. Naturally we are black or brown or wheatish or colours near to these.

Many girls cry, feel frustrated when they see matrimony column filled with only wants like 'fair complexioned girl required!'...it is true that i am yet to see an ad saying 'black or dark skin girl required!'...every guy wants a white skinned girl, even if he is pitch dark!!!...he wants his children to be white skinned!...girls do not mind as they look for boys of TDH...Tall, Dark and Handsome!...but still dark boys use all sorts of creams, do not expose themselves to hot sun etc to keep them as fair as possible within the darkness!

All film heroines are generally fair complexioned and even if one odd heroine is slightly dark she is shown all fair on the screen...so, boys wanttttttttttttttttt ONLY white skinned girls!!!

so girls look at their skin and cry saying 'what sin i committed of born black!'

at schools teachers select only white skinned girls for all functions...ushering, performing arts etc...even for a speech or any damn event where the girl is in focus!...only white skinned girls are pinched by every one saying 'Oh, lovely she is and sooo cute!'...they get lots of kisses every day from teachers, parents and visitors. So, they steal all the attention and the black girls shrink in their shells.

This discrimination is not only at schools, it is there in organisations, even at homes (the white skinned baby is more liked by the parents than the dark skinned baby), social gatherings, society and at all places!

many bosses, when left to decide between a white and black, they select a white for promotions, abroad chances, good projects, good appointments etc etc...specially when the white and black are almost equal in knowledge, skills and competencies.

The most atrocious discrimination being PARENTS LIKING ONLY WHITE SKINNED CHILD AND DISCRIMINATING THE BLACK SKINNED WITH NOT SO GOOD CLOTHES, LESS ATTENTION, LESS PRAISES, NOT SO GOOD EDUCATION, NOT SHOWN IN FRONT OF OTHERS IN FUNCTIONS, KEPT INSIDE THE KITCHENS AND BATH ROOMS, NOT GIVEN ATTENTION TO HIS OR HER NEEDS, WANTS, ASPIRATIONS, EVEN IN SIMPLE THINGS LIKE FOOD (GOOD ONES TO WHITE AND DISCARDED ONES TO THE BLACK)...there can not be a worst thing than this on earth to a girl or a boy...discrimination by parents and 'feeling of rejection' by parents!!!...it is worst than being orphans!!!...at least orphans have 'caretakers' who are better than these discriminating parents!

Even if we keep two papers next to each other...white paper and a black paper...white looks to be selected among the two!...it is shining and the other one is not so!

All these give an impression that the world is only for white skinned boys and girls...Is it?

Bloody baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaallls!

Being black is not our mistake...it is the decision of the nature!

But being not healthy is our mistake!

Being with life style diseases is our mistake!

Being fat is our mistake!

Being not slim, curvy and shapy is our mistake!

Being not educated is our mistake!

Being not talented, skilled and competent is our mistake!

Being not shiny skinned is our mistake!

Being not happy is our mistake!

Not radiating happiness is our mistake!

Being a worm or coward or feeling small is our mistake!
Not being happy is our mistake!
Not enjoying the nature is our mistake!

Is nature, the god of creations, the mother of all on earth, discriminate between black and white!

NNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNever!!!!!

Nature has given us average intelligence. With this we can read, read and read. We can understand  anything and everything. Some may be hard initially. Even everest is difficult to climb. One step a day will take us on top of everest one day. When we reach is not important. Reaching is important. HARD WORK AND AVERAGE INTELLIGENCE DOES WONDERS.

Nature has given us beautiful body. So what if it is black. We can always do yoga, meditation and other exercises to keep it slim, beautiful, attractive, shiny, curvy, shapy, radiating. Some of the best beauties or models in the world are dark.

There are beauty clinics who advice us the type of hair style and other beauty issues which can make us look 'pleasant'.

If you are poor, there are so many agencies who can support you in studies and you can always excel. In tamil nadu even you can be from corporation school, as long as you have 200 out of 200 in  maths, phy, chem you can get into the best of the engg college and you can finish engg with just 60000/- rupees, which can be loaned or sponsored. So, economic condition is not an impediment. It is will power that is required in you. You can do any studies, why only engg, and make your own living.

Once you earn you can eat your meals properly, get nourishing food, spend for your beauty issues....so no issues!

black is not a black mark!...thinking 'i am dark and no life for me, no one for me!' is a black mark!

THOSE WHO GET ATTRACTED BY SKIN COLOUR AND DEVELOP RELATIONSHIP WITH YOU ARE ONLY FOR YOUR BODY. THE RELATIONSHIP CAN ONLY BE SKIN DEEP.

Inspite of your darkness, if you get a friend, looking only at your white heart, bright brain, radiating happiness on your face and your overall personality traits, then he or she is your true friend. How many friends we have is not important, who are real and good is important.

No one is alone in this world. There is at least one person behind every person. That person has one. That person also has one. Like this it is an endless chain.

Lonely is only a perception. Even one good friend is enough for life time to be with. We live with only one spouse. No one has many soul mates. Only one soul mate.

Entire earth is full of nature. Nature never gives us unhappiness or danger if we don't damage it.
Have lots of pets to feel the happiness and meaning of real unconditional love. Enjoy each and every grass with morning dew. The sounds of nature. The sounds of the birds. Hills, rain, drizzles, river...woffff...the list is endless...and all are free!...we don't have to spend any money. Just go out of the house, the sky is spread in front of you!...actually speaking we don't have to be rich and spend lots of money to feel happy!

so, it is a myth that black is not beautiful. Real good people look for only white hearts and not bother about the skin colour.

other day i was waiting at the school to pick up my daughter...there were two white skinned girls...less than 10 years of age...richness was visible on their body and dress...sisters...one of them was cuddling and kissing another dark skinned girl of same age...bony...not beautiful at all...dirty clothes...poor family girl...
the other white girl was pulling her sister's hands saying it is time to go home...but this white girl said 'Please wait. She is my friend. I love her a lot. I don't feel like leaving her!' and continued hugging, cuddling and kissing her cheeks repeatedly left and right.

The dark skinned girl appeared to be like a world beauty to me. The other white girl who appreciated her inner beauty was the Miss Universe!!!

keep rocking guys and gals!

bye

rams...funnyrams.blogspot.com

Why lovers, friends, spouses keep fighting with each other?

hai guns and roses!

how are we?

i think i should name the subject titles attractive like the previous one or the present one...discuss more on the subjects which affect all every day and every moment, so that they are read more, the same instant of receiving mails...with more hits on blog...of course, more hits on likes and dislikes!

in the previous mail, at the beginning itself i mentioned that 'we will discuss only those rapists who do it for sexual satisfaction'...we only examined the environment in which it happens...it was never to say that the rapists are right in their behaviour. This is a menace to be stopped without any doubt. Only thing is, the right steps need to be taken, taking the entire environment into consideration. One step of capital punishment to the rapist only may not be sufficient. Some more measures are also required.

the world has only 'parents' and 'children'. Every human being is either a parent or a child on this earth. All parents / care takers should groom their children with 'low urge behaviours' and teach them how to vent out their urges, and of course, with high ethics, moral values, respect and love for the other gender, looking at a girl as another human being and not as a 'sex object' or 'Wonderful Instrument For Entertainment (WIFE)' etc.

In olden days when the girls were kept inside the houses with out education, teaching them only about house hold activities (servant jobs) etc they were looked at only as a sex object. Now that they are out to gain knowledge, to take up jobs in all ranks, i think, this image will slowly change.

i think, rapes for sexual satisfaction also take place when they are drunk or under the control of addictive chemicals...when they are not under their control...when they turn to be animals...

all other types of rapes happen in a planned manner, with lots of thinking...so, capital punishments like hanging to death etc would be a good deterrent for such rapes and of course, the punishments are to be executed at the earliest.

ok guys and gals...let us jump to the new topic...why lovers, spouses, friends fight?

lovers, friends and spouses...all of them are in an emotional relationship...any relationship is for 'happiness'!...if there is no happiness between the two people involved, then there is no relationship...no happiness...only sorrows...only fights...only tears...may be no emotions too...for the society it might appear that they are in a relationship but in reality it is not so!...they are together but not 'living' together.

for happiness to exist, the 'needs' and 'wants' to be met. Every human being has 'needs and wants' and he or she wants it to be fulfilled by another human being. So, we have expectations, possessiveness. We want the other person to give the resource we look for (financial or physical or emotional etc). If possible, he or she gives. If not possible then we fight, shout, throw stones and chapels, break up the relationships etc. These days chapels are so costly that they can not be worn or thrown!!!

We also fight if the other person does not exhibit the desired behaviour.

If we understand the different phases of any emotional or romantic relationship, then we may not fight at all. Instead we might look at methods to make these phases pleasant. What are these phases?

When we are less than 10 years old, we are generally happy with the love and affection from parents. During this period the opposite gender looks 'beautiful'. We like seeing them. We want to see them. But no other change occurs in our body.

When the body matures and glands in the brain and body start functioning, we are not happy with the love and affection from parents only. We need an opposite gender to give something more. That more is not known to us at that time. We are unable to explain. We are attracted towards the opposite gender. That is all.

Is there any boy or girl in their teens who fall in love or romantic relationship with an old lady or old man?...No!...Nature ensures that we get attracted only to healthy and young mates so that the off springs are healthy.

PHASE I

they fall in love at 'first sight' with only young ones of opposite gender. So, physical attraction. They may not agree to it and say 'she is only a sister', 'she is only a friend', 'she wants only my assignment', 'i gave only my book'...in actuals they give their hearts and body!...if the interactions exist only at this level for ever then it can be taken as just a friendship or sister or brother kind of relationship. The problem is they are in the first phase of the romantic relationship which wants only interactions and so they call it that way as there is nothing more than that.

the first phase in a romantic relationship is always HAPPY. Our first level of requirements are met. So, we are happy in this phase. Provided the other person responds positively. If not then sorrow. We need to understand that we can not force the other person to like us the way we can not be forced by others to like them.  We also need to understand that there are sooooooooooooooo many beautiful girls or handsome boys waiting for us on this earth, and so we should not bother much and  leave them to look for the next. Clinging on them only results in more unhappiness, fights, bad health, failures in life in all other spheres of activities etc.

This first phase is all about approaches, information exchange, knowing each other well etc. First time when they meet and get attracted they start approaching each other. Telephone calls, sms, gifts, all types of helps and looking afters. Only happiness...happiness and happiness!!...even if one person is not calling or no sms etc sometimes, the other person gets upset for some time but it does not affect the relationship much as the curiosity of knowing each other, continuing the relationship etc keeps the issue going...

This happens in the case of all organisms. A cock calls the hen moment it finds the insect saying 'kok..kok..kokk!'. The hen happily runs and eats the insect. The cock 'jumps' on it or feels happy that its approach is successful. If the cock's secretions are not towards romance then it just sits alone in some corner, not bothered about the hen, its hunger, sickness etc.

are the two people happy about the relationship only with these for ever?...no!...after some time they want MORE!!!...in the form of more physical meeting, talks, emotional feelings, exchanges etc.

PHASE II

This is the phase they start feeling SADNESS, as one is not able to meet the needs of the other all the time due to many reasons. The other person does not accept the reasons as the needs are at the peak and does not want to put himself or herself in the shoes of the other and think. When they meet, they are supposed to be happy. But there too they fight 'why late?...you have no love for me!...you are not allocating top priority for me!...you give importance to all others and not for me!' etc...

they also find fault with the behaviours of the other person...as the other person has become POSSESSIVE now and the EXPECTATIONS have started and growing too...

so, second phase is full of expectations and possessiveness...so, it has happy moments and sad moments...depending upon the extent of expectations, possessiveness, the extent to which the other person is able to meet these demands, the endurance of the people to withstand their unmet needs and wants, either the relationship continues or breaks...

some times they shout out of anger, loose their words and reach the brink of losing the relationship...some times lost too...if the damages are repairable, then relationship gets formed again after a period of lull ('nee thaane yen pon vasantham' movie)...if the damages are not repairable then it is lost for ever...then the one who shouted or lost his or her cool repents for life.

time.

in this phase if the needs and wants are of low level, then the perceived losses are forgotten...if little high then the individual feels sad...if needs are high then the FRUSTRATION sets in...

so, at the later stage of phase II it is more of sadness and frustration...

PHASE III

in this stage they are not happy in just sms, tel calls, gifts, meeting, talks, etc...they become only necessary conditions...and not SUFFICIENT CONDITIONS to feel happy!...more is expected...

in the form of physical touches, kisses, hugs etc. If these things are not available then again fights, sadness, all sorts of dialogues like 'you don't trust me!'...'you are only interested in my body!...you don't see me as a human being!...you remember me only when you are 'high'!' etc...

in this phase the boy generally does not have any 'No's...only the girl has 'No's...so, depending on the endurance of the boy or the way he has perceived the relationship i.e 'a relationship maturing to be a life long one as husband and wife' or 'a need of the hour' relationship, it either ends or continues...if the girl gives up and bends to the boy (for the fear of losing the relationship or meeting her needs too) then the relationship continues...

so, here also the it is more of FRUSTRATION (no sadness...only frustration as now the need levels are high) and fights.

PHASE IV

in this stage all the above are only necessary conditions for the relationship to exist and not a sufficient condition...phase iv involves mating. The need never stops with 'one time' as it is a never ending need till the death of the body. In some cases the boy or the girl runs away after the first instance. In some cases it goes on for some more time till reasons like physical separation, marriage or pregnancy or fight between families or legal or social actions etc take place.

In some cases they get married and start living together.

PHASE V

even after the marriage the issue does not stop...all the above becomes only a necessary condition and not sufficient condition for the relationship to go on. Now nature drives them to variety. Variety in all aspects of physical or romantic relationship...in INITIATION...in 'catching up the fire'...in sexual acts etc...

Alas!...if variety is not there then the relationship ends temporarily or permanently either at the mental level or at the physical level...

this phase also has HAPPINESS or FRUSTRATION...

PHASE VI

by this time, if the relationship still sustains, then the need and want levels are low...as they have already reached their fifties or sixties or states of low physical need i.e body has lost its reproductive status and so the secretions in brain and other hormone secreting glands are tired (of over work and aging) and sleeping()...ie similar to PHASE II...i.e if one is not sexually inclined then the other feels little sad, but by now has learnt to divert his attention on something else...as the physical needs are not soo high, he or she does not land up in frustration...he or she is happy with only hugs, kisses or little touches here and there...even holding hands is enough...or even 'looks of love' or even with some acts showing 'i love you!'...

so, the crux is...

1. all attractions towards opposite gender is towards sex, if the need for the next phase is felt. If both feel the need for the next phase is not there, then it is only for friendship and not for a romantic relationship or marriage relationship. Pure friendship can also exist between opposite genders for life time. Friendship is the basic necessary condition for a life long relationship to exist in side marriage or outside marriage. Sex could be only reason or one among the reasons in a romantic relationship.

2. increasing need levels, increasing sadness, increasing frustration shows that the relationship is moving towards sex, possessiveness and expectations. It depends on both whether to yield or not. It has the danger of legal and social  issues throughout life. Most of the time the reason for frustration can not be figured out by both. They will keep blaming each other on some trivial issues or silly issues which they will understand as silly only after some time and not when they are burning with body needs, possessiveness or expectations.

3. every emotional relationship has all these phases, whether married or unmarried, between lovers or friends or spouses. We need to identify which phase are we in. We need to understand the characteristics of each phase. We need to accept these, under stand the difficulties of other person, this is the place where the 'empathy' 'maturity', emotional intelligence etc play key roles in keeping the relationship going, whether married or unmarried.

4. one should try to find out methods of keeping the other person satisfied or understood by educating (of course, when he or she is cool, i.e the physical needs are low) him or her on the issues of empathy, emotional intelligence, being matured etc or alternate methods of keeping away from physical needs or regulating physical needs...or change in life styles needed...as i have explained in other mails...

5. both the people should view the other person as kids at high frustration levels, and keep them cool only through love. Shouting or showing anger or using words which are not retrievable will only strain and break the relationship. Love is the only medicine for love related sicknesses. If not curable, then the other person is only looking for sex, an animal, and nothing more...not worth continuing the relationship.

6. if sex is the only need in a relationship, it will not lost long. It can not give happiness in a relationship.

woffff...again, the mail has become too long...and there fore, we say bye bye to this issue and kiss it again with more information later...

Do you feel the time spent in reading the mail is worth it?

keep rocking...bye...

rams

who is to be blamed in a rape?...people involved or the society with its cultural practices? (updated one)

hai guys and gals!...those who have read this in the blog also should read as this is an improved version...

as an extension of the previous post on the related subject i thought i will share my views here...

we keep reading lots of rape news in media and obviously our blood boils at the rapist.

who is to be blamed in a rape?...when i say this please don't think 'this guy is supporting the rapist!'

let us not become emotional, as, if we analyse emotionally then we will not be right.

let us look at the people and the environment involved in this...the male...the female...and the society with its culture...

though there are different reasons for rapes let us consider only 'sexual satisfaction' reason...other types of rapes are done not for sexual satisfaction of the rapist but to harass the girl...so, it can be done anytime, anywhere, any number of times by the rapist. Here obviously the blame goes to the rapist. As it is clear we will leave it.

i only look at this issue as 'a male human body has sexually abused the female human body'...of course, mind is also included...without considering the names of the people involved...but considering the cultural and societal environment of both.

why should he rape a girl?...here his body and mind are involved. Body has various parts like hands, legs, main body, face, head etc...which are like actuators in a robot...output units...which carry out the brutal action....as per the directives of the processor, the brain!

eyes, ears, nose, mouth and the skin are the sensors which sense the input of stimulus from the environment...brain processes it...

at times the stored data or images or occasions as video are also retrieved, viewed or played (fantasized) by the brain...this happens if the secretions in the brain are more towards romance and sexual need.

so, it is not the individual by name who is raping. It is the state of the brain of the body...if the neurotransmitters related to activation of pituitary gland, adrenal glands and associated network are secreted and excited more, then the brain and the body are in a 'need' state...if the stimulus is present through the sensors or as 'retrieved data from the brain' then the body is in a 'ready' state...

when the need is higher than the threshold limit (threshold level is a level at which the ego and super ego components can moderate the id component...the state of normal brain!...i.e id will drive the brain and body for the need but the ego component will say 'no! don't do that. It is wrong. You will land up in danger!'...so, there is a conflict between the id and ego components....the super ego component, the judge, will say listen to the ego component if the secretions are below threshold...if above then superego and ego components are masked by the id component...the brain directs the body parts, i.e actuators to do the act of rape...the various parts of the brain help the body to counter the counter acts of the female body...

so, for a rape to occur following are must:-

1. sexually healthy male body and mind
2. brain in need state with arousals from sensors / brain
3. stimulus
4. weak ego and super ego components and strong id component of the rapist
5. conducive environment (not so important)

rape can occur across cultures at any part of the world...so, it happens in any religion, race, region, culture, society, education, social status, power or authority in society etc...the individual could be a governor of a state, a judge or scientist or minister or high level police or civil services or military officer...it could be any one...as the 'body' and 'mind' only matter...whether the id is more than the threshold or not only matters.

if we closely observe, the stimulus is also responsible to an extent...of course, if the id need is too high then even without a stimulus (e.g old lady, physically unattractive girl, fully covered girl, dirty girl, dirty and stinking dressed lady), with just the presence of the lady or girl in what ever shape, rape can take place.

when the id is slightly low or at slightly higher than the moderate levels then the stimulus plays a key role (e.g exposing female (girl or lady), attractive / beautiful girls, youthful girls / ladies)


but the girl does not know which male is at what level at any point of time...so, she is clueless...

surprisingly we have not heard about a girl raping a boy!...anywhere in the world!!!...why?...can any one answer?

it depends upon the state of mind of the girl whether the rapist suffers more or the girl...if girl is weak, then she suffers more in mind and body...if she is strong in mind, then she suffers less and the rapist suffers more with legal and physical assaults...so, we can not say that the girl will suffer in all rapes.

though we said culture and people around (i.e society) do not matter, imagine a society where the girls expose maximum all the time...or all human beings are nude...or 'every one for every one' is the concept in sexuality in that place or sexual partner is commonly available in that society and free sex is not a taboo in that society...in such societies rapes may be less...but such societies are negligibly small...

of course, the id can be kept low and ego and super ego components can be kept high through a life style of following a good diet and exercise regimen...if this exists as a culture in that society or land, rapes may be less in such a place...growing rape cases in our country might be an indication that our people are not following this life style...also 'sex' as a closely guarded or sacred issue and less outlets also could be a reason...some of the issues were discussed in the previous post...

also rapes could be for different reasons also...e.g for showing caste superiority

so, it is the life style (food habits, exercise regimen, concept of life and mutual respect for other gender) which is the main reason for rapes of sexual need...as this decides the body and mind of a human being to indulge in rapes or not...

is rape a profession for the rapist?...No. so, he does not do it every day and may be it is the only once done act in life time. so, the individual is not at fault.

All rapists are 'high' before the rape and after few minutes once the job is over they feel they committed a big blunder in life. This is because initially id is very high and it masks the ego and superego and after the rape, the secretions in brain change, hormone levels in blood fall, id falls down to the mother earth and superego component comes out of the mask!...and almost all the rapists feel that they have committed a biggest blunder in life after the act and also start realising the legal and social problems they are going to face. It is that moment when all this jing bang took place in his brain and body, he has become an animal, and has committed the offense.

Why he became an animal for that moment?...why his body and brain were high?...

i think it is the culture, his life style (food habits, exercise regimen whether it had elements both for body and mind), the value education, sexual practices in the culture, sexual education he has got, and such things in the society and the country that has made his body and mind to behave like that...

can death sentence be a deterrent against rape?...i doubt...as the mind is masked at that point of time...cognition is blanked...so he does not think about death sentence at that time...only after the rape the cognition comes back and the rope will appear in front of his neck.

before you start throwing brooms and chappals, let me runnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn...

ok guys and gals...keep rocking...

bye

rams

from particle physics to romantic relationships, love, affairs, rape, sexual abuse...life and living!!!

hai guys and gals!...how are we?

today i had a dream...

you know what came in my dream?...

it appears that i am a 'particle physics' scientist...i am doing research on the 'dynamics of electron in electromagnetic fields'...looks like there are many hurdles in the research...and i found out a path breaking behaviour of electron in such 'affecting' fields of electromagnetic energy...

all news papers flashing the news on head lines saying 'ramasubramanian's path breaking findings in the behaviour of electrons in electromagnetic energy fields'.

lots of big big long long equations i have written on the green wall board...

i am showing a video of movement of an electron...in a big auditorium...in front of many scientists...an international forum.....the entire audience silently watching the movie sitting at the tip of their seats as if climax of a thriller movie is going on!

the video on the screen shows an electron moving in slow motion...of course, with a thriller music in the background...ha..haa..haaa!!!...it enters in to a field of electro magnetic energy...it's movement with changes in direction, magnitude of velocity all seen...and there is a computer constantly updating and analyzing the trace...while it converts the path into equations, calculates, interprets, gives out the results etc...the electron moves...at one point its movement gets frozen by the computer...it shows some equation...and the whole audience clap their hands with a thundering applause!!!...looks like this is the break through moment and the equation....woffff!...what that damn thing is???...i could not see it myself in my dreams!!!

suddenly i find some one shaking me violently and shouting  'It is 6 am. You are getting late to go to office!'...when i woke up it was my wife and i came to reality to realise that it was only a dream!!...hihihi...in the dream i only can make out that something i have done and the whole world is appreciating...i tried to recollect to find what that damn new things is...Alas! i could not!...as truly nothing was found!!!!...i can only make out that the findings, in the form of equations, are matching with the experimental proof and results of simulation too.

during my college days also my dad used to ask me when i get up "hey what happened?...you were blabbering something in your dreams in the night?'...i used to get scared if they are the names of some girls etc...first time i asked 'what?...what did i blabber?'...he said 'some thing like 'transister!' ...i thanked my stars saying 'woff! thank god. I only mentioned about sisters!' ...and thanked god for not blabbering about 'transformers' which transform 'sisters' into 'lovers' in college life!!!

thank you guys and gals for laughing your heart out!...now let us discuss about some issues of the heart!!!

rape, sex, romantic relationships,  love, life, affairs...the list goes on...i picked up these as they are hitting the news every day and also they play a havoc in our lives sparing no one!!! (i can see you feeling shy to read on...but give it a try to read!)

though each of them are oceans with respect to the knowledge contained within, let us dwell a bit in this post...rest we will keep discussing in the future posts....

rape...it is not a medical diagnosis...it is only a legal definition...when one attempts to have sex with another with out his or her consent...of course, no one has any right to disturb anyone sexually...

but the reality is, every second, even this second when you are reading this post  thousand sexual abuses are occurring all over the world...whether it is night or day at any part of the world...at this very second some girl or boy is getting raped! (news papers report at least one rape or sexual abuse in tamil nadu every day!...you can imagine in the whole world!!!)

i have enclosed some knowledge on types of rapes and intention of rapes in

((....))bracket below...in yellow colour...if you want you can read...or else jump...

((rape is done as an expression of anger...For these rapists, sex is a weapon to defile and degrade the victim, rape constitutes the ultimate expression of their anger. This rapist considers rape the ultimate offense they can commit against the victim. It is characterized by physical brutality, much more physical force is used during the assault than would be necessary if the intent were simply to overpower the victim and achieve penetration. This type of offender attacks their victim by grabbing, striking and knocking the victim to the ground, beating them, tearing their clothes, and raping them.

it is done as an expression of power...rape becomes a way to compensate for  underlying feelings of inadequacy and feeds the issues of mastery, control, dominance, strength, intimidation, authority and capability. The intent of the power rapist is to assert his competency. The power rapist relies upon verbal threats, intimidation with a weapon, and only uses the amount of force necessary to subdue the victim.

rape can be sadistic rape also...rapists have a sexual association with anger and power so that aggression and the infliction of pain itself is eroticized. For this rapist, sexual excitement is associated with the inflicting of pain upon their victim. The offender finds the intentional maltreatment of their victim intensely gratifying and takes pleasure in the victim's torment, pain, anguish, distress, helplessness, and suffering; he/she finds the victim's struggling with him/her to be an erotic experience.Sadistic rape usually involves extensive, prolonged torture and restraint. Sometimes it can take on ritualistic or other bizarre qualities. The rapist may use some type of instrument or foreign object to penetrate his/her victim. Sexual areas of the victim's body become a specific focus of injury or abuse.

next is gang rape..gang rape, are predominantly committed by young men. Sexual aggression is often a defining characteristic of manhood in the group and is significantly related to the wish to be held in high esteem.))

so, rape is a negative behaviour. It affects positively (for the time being till legal and social issues start affecting him) to the rapist...and negatively to the victim...

Is it in our hands to avoid a rape?...yes...it is in our hands. Mostly by not provoking others sexually...in dressing...in behaviours of talking, writing and other behavioural expressions and emotions...

To an extent it is not in our hands also...inspite of all the best behaviours, one can get raped by anyone...in this case it depends upon the mental and physical health of the rapist...in such cases what to do?...the physical damage, the possibility of disease infliction (AIDS and STDs), mental damage, social damage?...how to compensate that?...the prolonged, may be life long, legal issues or battles if we take it up to the legal forum...

one porn actress says consider rape as a 'surprise sex' and forget it...though it appears to be a wrong way of taking it, but i think it is a right way of perception to make negatives of life into positives and get the life going without such an incident affecting our happiness, health and success in life! (i can see all the girls throwing their chappals at me!)

sexual abuse is a less physical and more of a mental form of disturbance...it could involve a less intensity physical form also...

why men involve in sexual abuse of women?

let us, for the time being, forget about everything on earth...let us go back by about 10,000 years...if we look at the world that time, we had only living things and  non living things...

amongst the living beings there is no separation like human beings and other animals...nature does not differentiate like that...

non living things changed their shape, looks and size due to weathering...living beings changed due to aging...the primary functions in which they were involved were

1. eating, sleeping

2. searching for food

3. protecting from threats of nature and other living organisms

4. reproduction

let us now come back to the present...we may be doing many things in life...but these four basic activities of living beings have always remained and will ever remain as long as life is on earth!!

so, one among the four, reproduction, affects our lives in all spheres.

the biggest problem is, nature does not want one living being to resemble the other...so, Darwin's variation theory...this makes one living organism to select multiple sex partners...

it also has made the male organism to spend most of its time and behaviors consciously or sub consciously towards reproduction...nature has produced it to be always ready for reproduction...where as it has produced the female organism 'not to be' in the reproductive state of mind when the body is not ready for it (e.g pregnancy)...of course, we have few violated cases too...

this has resulted in rapes, sexual abuses, emotional or romantic relationships, love, affairs (when it happens out of the social or legal system) etc...

so, they will never get eradicated as they are driven by nature...only thing is they can only turn into consensual behaviours when the male and female organism handshake with each other, agree and involve in these...

the other issue is nature does not want weak organisms here...it only wants strong and healthy organisms, at least when the womb forms...it also knows that in the entire phase of life from birth to death, any organism is fertile for reproduction only at a certain phase in life...the youth or early adult phase...so, it has given all the beauty, glow and fluttering behaviours during this phase so that it attracts the opposite sex for reproduction, whether it consciously likes or wants it or not...as male organism is always ready for reproduction during entire phase of adult and elderly adult life, it gets attracted to the youthful phase of female organism...so, this is the reason for all sexual abuses, rapes, affairs, romantic relationships, love etc between older males and younger females...

most of the pages of news papers in india are covered with all such issues as they are sensational and against the ethical living in india.

so, 'variety' and 'strong / healthy off-springs' has created most of the issues we see around us in the society.

Why they become known to others and sensational?

nature has given us 'possessiveness' and 'expectations' which are contradictory to the 'variety' and 'strong / healthy off-springs'. So, we keep fighting with each other at home and in society because of rape, sexual abuse, emotional relationships (romantic), love, affairs etc...and therefore, sources of happiness become sources of deep sorrow  and conflicts in life!...and we can not live without love, emotions, sexual feelings etc. So, every human being born in this earth can not escape from some of these.

Why it is a big issue in india?

in our country the philosophy of life is...

1. one man one woman

2. whether it is sex or love or romantic relationship or emotional relationship...it has to be only with spouse and not with any other person of opposite or same sex.

3. sex is a sacred act that it should be used only for reproduction and not for recreation or faking.

4. happiness in life is all about being with the family members and relatives sharing all sorts of happy or sorrow emotions, resources, enjoying festivals, rituals, ceremonies etc.

so, it has a sort of 'control' in behaviours, though nature is pulling every one away from these indian way of living behaviours.

However, it has given a regulatory mechanism of living through yoga, meditation, asanas, vegetarian food, staple food, no spices, no animal food etc...i.e basically regulating all that goes inside the MOUTH and MIND so that body and brain are not pulled by the wishes of the nature, which can affect social living.

But are we living this way?

So, there are always conflicts in the mind of the human being whether in india or outside consciously or out of consciousness i.e without our knowledge. Therefore, we are always stressed mildly or strongly ....consciously or with out consciousness...in body and mind!!!

sex....woffff! this three letter word has driven the lives of human beings to madness.

the characteristics of sex are:-

1. it is always there in the happy mind and healthy body all the time visibly or invisibly. So, it directs the body towards satisfying the need whenever possible. Does any one teach any living organism to find its mate and how to mate?...as the organism grows, as the body parts grow and mature, these urges and feelings emerge automatically.

2. the desire for this never vanishes as long as the body and mind are sound. In some cases with just a healthy body and disturbed mind also this dominates. One might think 'only once', but it only increases the urge for it. Why?...because nature is the unbeatable master of this universe!...it wants life to multiply. It does not want any organism to live for ever. So, it has made the organism to indulge in behaviours which can kill it too (e.g sexual diseases like AIDS, STDs, all types of wrong eating behaviours (alcoholism, smoking etc), sedentary life styles, pollutions etc)!

3. One illegal sex (e.g rape) can put the life out of gear and screw up the entire life of a person.

4. No living sexually reproductive organism can escape from this.

5. As it is a need of the body, it does not see circumstances, consequences, shame, status etc. It blankets the brain. Only the 'id' need is up and the 'ego' and 'superego' components are masked. That is why elderly people, people from high society and authority etc mess up their lives.

6. It drives people mad and animal like. It drives people towards opposite sex for relationships. These relationships lead to all problems in life. So, happiness, health and success in life gets screwed.

so, it is not worth to develop relationships with people with 'sex' as the intention...whether it is the only intention or one among the intentions!

How to know what is our intention  in a relationship with opposite sex, when we are attracted or pulled towards a person of opposite sex?

if our observation remains focused or anchored on body and issues related to body (e.g style) then it is only sexual attraction...if it is anchored on matching personality traits, intellect etc then probably yes...it may not be for sex...sex might (or night not) form a minuscule part of such a relationship...but in case sex becomes a reason for unhappiness  in such a relationship then it is only for sex or one among the reasons of the relationship...so, it is then not a relationship free from sex...so, it might not give happiness...

any relationship where sex does not matter, only matching personality traits matter, no expectations, no possessiveness, then such a relationship is likely to give happiness, good health and success forever. Any relationship where sex matters, forget about the other things like expectations or possessiveness etc, it is certainly not going to give happiness for ever!!!!

how to find out whether it is body attraction or not?

ask yourself if that girl of ravishing beauty will be liked by you if she turns fat pumpkin, where the looks will vanish?

ask if you will love that girl if all the body features of shape, size, youthfulness etc will vanish and she will look like a 90 year old lady with wrinkles all over her body?

can you name one film in which the heroine is 60 year old lady and it is a movie with love theme?...all heroines are between 17 to 35 years age...and all are shown with the best beauty on screen. So, we fall in love with youthfulness, beauty, shapes, sizes, curves, etc which are not permanent. The mismatching personality traits will be compromised by us to enjoy this beauty. After the beauty goes all the unadaptable personality traits will stand in front like monsters and the relationship will come to an end...

all those who fall in love with a heroine in a movie will love only till her beauty remains...after they get married or change their shapes, they are not liked by the person...he switches over to the next youthful heroine...

so, having known all the devastating characteristics of sex, it is not worth to make it our center of life and living.

In indian scenario, sex is given such a great importance and hype, and therefore, the problems...in traditional indian way of life, sex is the centre of all types of happiness and living...it decides how one should live or develop relationships with opposite sexes.

traditional indian way of living is birth-puberty-marriage-child rearing-marriage of children-rearing of grandchildren-death. It is clearly seen in this way of living that love and sex is center of life.

in a life where birth-pursuing passion i.e focus on subject (could be art also) of interest-learning-being with nature-enjoying all art forms-serve others-death, sex is not the center of life and living. This form of life might have all the above. But all the above are not the center of focus in this way of living.

Most of the behaviours including love, sex, rape etc etc are the result of status of brain...the secretions in brain...brain drives the body towards these...nature drives the brain...of course, i do agree that body through its sensors also capture the inputs from the environment and drives the brain towards liking behaviours...so, both body and brain drive each other...

we can defy nature to an extent...we can make the brain to listen to us...by regulating the inputs to MOUTH and MIND...

so,

1. eat natural vegetarian food so that urges and drives are less, easy to regulate or even to control.

2. bring in yoga, asanas, meditation, exercises etc become a culture in life like brushing, bathing etc.

3. develop relationships free from romance and sex. Identify the reasons for getting 'attracted' to the other person. In a relationship where sex exists, identify if it really matters. If matters, then even husband and wife relationships will suffer and exist only for society sake.

4. try to live within the legal and social framework. Or else change your social frame work or the legal aspects of your land where you live...i.e migrate.

5. any behaviour related to sex can throw your life out of shape and make it miserable.

6. any life where sex does not matter and pursuing the passion matters will be filled with happiness, good health and success. In such life love might exist. But it will not be centered on sex.

7. in a life defined as 'birth-puberty-marriage-child rearing-marriage of children-rearing of grandchildren-death', sex is the center of focus, as it is the behaviour required for reproduction. This may not give happiness, good health and success...all three always.

8. in a life defined as 'birth- life full of pursuing passion i.e focus on subject (could be art also) of interest - learning - being with nature - enjoying all art forms - serve others - death'...sex is not focus...and the inherent love in life makes it happy, healthy and successful...this does not mean the life will not have things at para 7.

9. unregulated sexual behaviours (e.g rape) can spoil the entire life...forget about happiness, good health and success!!...(Note: i have not said 'controlled'...as control indicates that we have stimulated and thereafter trying to control).

woffff...the post has become too long...so, i stop here, and we kiss the topic again later with new information...bye...

keep rocking!

rams...for more visit funnyrams.blogspot.com

we run for one happiness and get two sadness!

hai guys and gals...hope you are reading and enjoying the posts!

most of the time when our needs or wants are not met, we look for sources of these.

If the sources are human beings, then we can get the needs and wants met by forming a relationship or without forming a relationship.

when we form a relationship for meeting our needs and wants...ie for getting one happiness, we might land up in getting more sadness...as we are looking at only the shining thing, our needs and wants for that moment...and we presume that the need or want would persist for ever in our life...some of them persist...some of them do not persist...they are momentary needs and wants, which we are not knowing...

so, we latch on to a human being for that short lived need or want...when it is getting fulfilled we don't see the springs of sadness in that person. When it is quenched or reaches a steady state of flow of happiness from one to the other, then the springs or traits of sadness become prominent, some times masking the springs of happiness in that person, and we no more sense the happiness.

At this stage the source of happiness becomes a source of sadness!

also, the legal and social issues stem up and stand in front as monsters...which affect the flow of springs of happiness from one to the other.

so,

1. identify if the need or want is a permanent thing in life (e.g emotional support, physical support, financial support, sexual support etc)

2. if permanent then form a relationship

3. if not permanent then do not form a relationship

4. see the legal and social aspects. They can be overcome by migrating to a place or country or a society where it is acceptable.

5. weigh the happiness and likely sadness

6. if the balance goes down on happiness side then go ahead. If the balance goes down on the sadness side then do not go ahead.

ok guys and gals...keep rocking!

rams

What happens if cognition is missing in a behaviour?

hai friends...

every behaviour is supposed to have three elements...i.e stimuli or input, cognition and resultant behaviour or output...of course, emotion is also a byproduct. Anything without even one of these elements is not a correct, happiness giving or lasting behaviour.

But when we hear anything from a Master or guru or swamiji etc or when we read anything from holi or sacred books, we only hear / read (i.e input) and straight away accept it and convert into a behaviour...there is no cognition element!!!!...i.e we don't think and analyse it. We presume that it should be right. We think that analyzing it is a sin, wrong or disrespect etc.

the great tamil poet thiruvalluvar says 'yepporul yaar yaar vaai ketpinum apporul meipporul kaanpathu arivu!'...i.e when ever we hear anything from any one (who ever it is) we have to analyse and get the real meaning and applicability...that is the purpose of sixth sense!

It may be right for the person who said or for small group or only a particular period of time. It may be not applicable for all, all the time and all societies. So, cognition is a mustttttt!...we need to think each and every issue we read or hear and modify to our suitability and convert it to behaviour. Then only it will correct for us, not stressing our lives, gives happiness all the time, no sadness or difficulty or discomfort and it would be long lasting.

keep rocking

rams

more on love and relationships!

hai guys!

watched the movie, 'nee thaaney yen ponvasantham'!...

the youtube link is here for those who want to watch it now....

http://youtu.be/C_r0mFvMSfU
a nice movie. Nice direction. Nice acting by the heroine. Tear drops gathering in the eyes in some scenes looking at the plight of the heroine is unavoidable...hmmm...poor girl 'f's it up nicely!...of course, the boy too...anyway...these are by the director and the writer...the creators of the characters...to keep the movie going!

It is in line with 'kaathalil sothappuvathu yeppadi' and 'unnaale unnaale' with respect to 'rigidity' and 'i' 'me' in behaviours of people in love. Shows how people lose their loved ones and mess up their lives with in-sufficient/confused knowledge about love, lack of empathy and immaturity. Thanks to the directors of movies who save the lovers. But in real life??????????????

What is love?...It is a behaviour exhibited by all sexually reproducing living organisms on this earth (does this mean 'love' has 'sex' also with it. Can't love exist without sex? (e.g the love we have for our parents and grandparents). Past or present or future. No one is spared!

Organisms which multiply by asexual reproduction do not exhibit love. 

we can not think beyond a young girl, boy and sex whenever we hear this word! Is it so narrow?...why we do not think about a middle aged or old man and woman who are in love?...could be spouse or not. Why we do not think about our love with pets or places of birth and growing, place of first meeting of loved ones or occasions like marriage, birth of our kids etc...

Love...it is a feeling of attachment with another person, place, occasion,  or object. It is a feeling that gives happiness. So, true love can not give us sadness. Mostly we would like to leave the person, place, occasion or object which gives us sadness and we don't fall in love. Most of these, other than human beings continue to give happiness. When they give sadness also it is due to the love that we have or the sad moment only increases the love e.g pet dog falling sick. 

Human beings....wofffff!!!...They give a mixture of sadness and happiness. The sadness is due to both the people involved. Most of the sadness is caused by 'US'...our own perception...and the cognition that follows...the overall analysis of the person or situation and what we decide to do...very little is by the other person in general...

most of the sadness can be eliminated by detailed discussions...open, heart-out discussions...even such discussions are soothing and calming...they give tremendous oppurtunity to explore the people involved and the relationship...it brings lots of clarity about the images formed in the mind of the other person about us...clears mists...

some issues may not get sorted out in just one sitting...they need more sittings...both need to have lots of patience, maturity and empathy...both need to put themselves in other's shoes and see the situation or person...adapting to the situation / person ensures the relationship to continue...rigidity results in losing the person and the relationship...some are strong enough to take the loss...some are not!...they end up their lives!!!

some think their decision is right at that moment. Later they realise that it is wrong. Decision taken in haste. But many are unable to reconnect as the damage is already done beyond repairs!

At the heat of the moment we may not be able to take a right decision whether to have the person in life or to continue the relationship. So, it is better to give it some time before deciding. It is better to take that decision after detailed discussion and analysis. May be discussing it with a person whom you can rely, who can keep things confidential etc.

Most of them take their crucial decisions in love and relationships when they are angry....hot...unstable (thinking stable!)...anxiety struck...have too many things in hand to deal with...busy...in a hurry...so, it is better to tell the other person with a hug and kiss 'Honey! let us not discuss this now! we will discuss it later!'...or whenever you find an occasion where things are moving to a sadness or both of you are likely to have fights, shouts or dangers it is better to decide to leave...call it a day....give it a cool thinking...before any decisions...

may be if you feel you are wrong  or you could have handled it better then you can call up and say sorry or tell it through another person...or send a msg or show any sign of sorry e.g sending a small gift.

most of the fights between lovers or couple is due to 'FRUSTRATION THAT EMERGES DUE TO UNFULFILLED 'WANTS' OR 'NEEDS'...I.E EXPECTATIONS...so, it is again and again coming to 'expectations' and 'possessiveness' which are the biggest killers of relationships!!!...if we can over come these, then we will never lose people and relationships!!!!!

Most of the strains in relationships occur due to what is called 'ego'...i.e who is great or big...COMPARISON...the damn idiotic cultural trait that we have imbibed!...most of the lovers, husbands and wives ruin their lives with this...with the feeling 'who is big, you or me!'...'why should i do it. Why not you do it!'...it is the gandhian philosophy which will win always...pure love and compassion...throwing away all the social or organisational positional authorities, educational qualifications, the fame, the wealth, the power, the authority at home, in short 'all resources'!...throw away all this shit and just feel that 'we are two hearts in a relationship'. 'I love you. you are important to me. Nothing can come in between us!'...that is all...if both of them take up the relationship with this feeling then it will live for eternity. If only one of the two has this, then it may not last long. ONLY LOVE CAN KEEP THE LOVE INTACT. LOVE ONLY WINS LOVE. if it does not win then the other person is not worth your pure love!!!

May be taking a third person  who is a (real and matured) good friend of both for the moderation will work out, as in most of the cases 'what we think as right might be wrong! and what we think as wrong may be right!'


ok guys and gals...i think this is enough as of now...


we will see about love, the never ending topic in the next time when i get an oppurtunity!


bye...see you...keep rocking!


rams