Hai all...
Let us see how we are attracted to each other...the dynamics behind it...and
the reasons...this will bring in some clarity and reduce the expectations in
any relationship...
A baby or child goes to his parents only when he needs something from the
parent...e.g an item, food, hugs, kisses, appreciation, security, support,
knowledge, opinion/suggestion, direction, decision, grooming
similarly a husband goes to his wife only when he needs something...e.g
emotional needs, sex, food, hugs, kisses, anything that gives him a feeling of
acceptance by his wife, decision making at home or in relatinships
a wife goes to her husband only when she needs something...
A friend goes to another friend only when he needs
something…
A relative goes to another only when he needs something…
A sibling goes to the other only when he or she needs
something…
this goes on in any relationship at home or office or in a
social setting...
The need could be anything that finally gives some level or
dimention of ‘happiness’
therefore, the basic backbone in any relationship is ‘need’...
Now, what happens when the need is not there??
When we don't have any need, even if the person is present with us, his or her
presence does not add any value to our happiness or peace or success or any
damn thing. So, we don't care. In fact if they involve in any transaction with
us when we don't need them it becomes only a disturbance. We feel disturbed and
irritated as our attention or consciousness in which we are involved at that
moment gets disturbed. I.e we are involved in some other need of the body or
mind at that time which gets disturbed by the transaction or interaction of
that person. At this moment we need something which will give us happiness
which can not be given by that person. Even if that person can give, at that
moment we don’t prefer to take it from him or her…we are intersted in taking it
from another person or place or item or situation.
OK, what happens if that person is
1. dead
2. walks out of the relationship saying 'we are no more lovers or husband and
wife or siblings or friends. We will ‘break up’ now on!!!'
When we hear this then we get broken emotionally...why??..why??..why??
This is because we lose the sense of security...i.e the
conscious mind tells us that 'he or she is gone!...your needs will not be met
in future!!'
What happens with in us? (thanks to maslow)
The first level of our need is body need…the first in that
is ‘air’. If do not get air then we suffer for breath and at that time nothing
matters to us. Even if some one shows a suitcase full of money or the most
beautiful girl or boy we have been longing for or any damn thing…it does not
matter to us…we wanttttttttt only air air air air air and air!!!...in short all
sense organs and the brain processor go deafffffffff!!
Once we get air then only we look at anything…suitcase full
of money or that girl or boy…
After some time we feel thirsty…then we are back to square
one…we want only water…nothing else…after drinking only we can look at anything
and appreciate…
after some time the hunger strikes….we are back to the same
situation of wanting only food…and when we are in hunger the best song we like
also does not enter our ears…the most beautiful girl also does not matter…only
after eating the food, the music enters our ears…the girl’s beauty enters our
eyes…so, food first and rest after that.
So when air, food, water are the need of the hour, all our
perceptions blank off…i.e even if the sensors are giving the inputs from all
around, the processor is blank…it puts all its sensors towards searching for
the dire need and not to others…
Shelter and clothing also take the priorities according to
the climate around and environmental situations.
If all these three are given to the body then the
neurotransmitters secrete…puts the mind in to good mood…the hormone secretions
are good…they put the organs to optimal functioning…then the basic
functionality of birth gets activated…i.e need to reproduce…then the body wants
a body of opposite sex…if we don’t regulate this need through cognitive and
other behavioural methods then it remains, grows, dominates and puts the
organism in a situation that no sensory input is accepted…no processing is
done…mind is pushed to fantasies…body is pushed towards searching for the
person…only when the need is met or the hormones are brought down through other
conservative methods, then the brain is in a position to process other sensory
inputs…
So, body needs like air, water, food, shelter, clothing and
sex are the basic and dire needs which can shut our brain and put us in doing
anything, without shame, to get these needs, so that the organism remains
alive. Nature has given us the natural basic instinct to fight against the one
that is threat for our life and needs.
When our body has these needs, other needs are not there…the
ones that can quench other needs do not matter to us. Only after quenching of
these needs, other needs are perceived by the mind.
(Brain is physical organ or structure. Mind is formed when
various parts of the brain function together in a coordinated manner. A healthy
brain creates a healthy mind. An unhealthy brain creates an unhealthy mind)
Once all these needs are adequately met (e.g a married man
or girl who is in her late twenties or early thirties) then the ‘need to get
these permanently in an assured manner’ arises in the mind. This is a mind need.
Not the need of the body. The mind has to perceive that these needs will be
available for ever. So, the sources of these needs should appear to be
permanent for the brain.
Once the mind perceives (Brain only senses. Mind perceives)
that the source is there forever in our life, then it takes it ‘for granted’
and pushes this consciousness into the subconscious. So, the need or the worry
about the need being met all throughout life is not always present in the
conscious mind. This helps us to think about other things in life every moment
and not to worry about the ‘assurance’ of the basic body needs being met.
So, the mind craves for all the body needs to be met all the
time for ever in entire life. Once these things are available it forgets their
availability from the conscious mind so that it can work for the next higher
levels…any time the source of any of the body need gets removed then the mind
focusses only on that need, getting the security feeling for that need…it does
not think about higher needs…
So, we take the people who give all the basic body needs for
granted…forget them when we don’t have the need…but get screwed only when they
leave us permanently or for longer times.
More about it later…
rams
