'Feeling of Acceptance" is a must for peace in life!...how to get this??

Dear all...THIS IS FOR ALL...

'Feeling of Acceptance" is a must for peace in life!

If a child or husband or wife or any one at home...or any one in an organisation...is IRRESPONSIBLE...i.e not discharging the expected duties and responsibilities of status they hold in the home or organisations or society....then they are not RESPECTed...they are treated badly or neglected...then one will not get the feeling of acceptance...they will only perceive a feeling of rejection....

Even when everything is available and every one is available with lots of love and care, if a person is affected in brain, then also the person may not get the feeling of acceptance to live peacefully and happily.

So, to get respect...to feel accepted...one has to be self responsible and responsible to the family, organisations and society!!

Peacefully yours...rams...psychologist!!

My father has earnt and left so much of money and wealth for me. So, why should i work and earn?....I have not got my deserved (?) promotion. So, why should i work in my government job?...are these right ways of living?

Dear all...THIS IS FOR ALL...some questions...some answers...

1. My father has earnt and left so much of money and wealth for me. So, why should i work and earn?

2. I have not got my deserved (?) promotion. So, why should i work in my government job?

'Feeling of Acceptance' is a must for being peaceful...happy...to have a healthy mind...to have a satisfied and fulfilled life...to have healthy relationships!!

Absence of feeling of acceptance and present of feeling of rejection...all these affect our life!

Feeling of acceptance for our multiple knowledge...multiple skills...for our age...for our experience...for the status we hold in society...home...organisations...appreciation for our performance and personality traits...all these are vital for a good quality of life and living.

Therefore, being a lazy bum at home...spending time only on pleasures...(anything that creates urges and cravings...anything that is body based...anything that leads to possessiveness...anything that makes us cry or get addicted to or obsessed with...anything that spoils our peace...happiness...good health...social relationships....allllllllllllll these are PLEASURE domain elements!!)...can give only frustration...dissatisfaction...boredom...disappointments...in life!!

Human beings are created by nature to travel...to learn...to acquire multiple knowledge and skills...to meet new people...to live in new cultures...to live amidst all kinds of differences and challenges for adaptations...

So, just get out of home...go to health enhancing places...meet health enhancing people....live in health enhancing cultures...learn health enhancing methods and ways of living....learn...learn...learn...enjoy the learning...while doing education and work...

don't work...when you do something which you don't like...no interest to do....then it becomes a work and you feel stressed...

when the idea of life is to learn new things...meet new people...then nothing is work...everything is only entertainment...enlightenment...fun...learning!

So, people who live like the way in the questions asked above can not be peaceful, happy, healthy and follow a health enhancing life!

Peacefully yours...Rams...Psychologist!!

'Home is the World!'...Is this right??

Dear all...THIS IS FOR ALL...

The olden concept in our culture for girls and ladies is "Veeday Ulagam" (in tamil)...i.e 'Home is the World!'

With this they entrapped the girls at home doing only home chores and services to people at home. As individuals they never were allowed to grow the skills, knowledge and get the feeling of acceptance from organisations and society through their knowledge and skills.

They were expected to know only the knowledge related to home issues and skills required to be a home maker.

Today parents are sending the girls to schools and colleges. Some of the changed people (fathers, husbands, mothers and mother in laws) even send the girls for job...for the purpose of deriving satisfaction through work, skills and knowledge display on job....through achievements...through their contribution for humanity...science and technology development...development of nation...organisations etc. This is a welcome change.

So, these people define the above statement as 'Ulagamey veeedu!"...(in tamil)...i.e "World is your home!" (not "home is your world!").

But still the people in rural areas and those rural minded people who live in urban areas still are primitive...they send them to good schools and colleges...grow them competitive for just their own ego satisfaction...and with the concept that 'today, for getting married or getting a good match, the girl should have at least two or three degrees!' (only degrees...not knowledge or skills or employability)...so, still the purpose of education is to get them married off!!...So, after that they live a life of 'Home is the world!'...No human being can be happy this way!!...They can only exist in a 'Learned Helplessness' state of mind. They can only live a TV serial type of life...can have only personality traits similar to the TV serial characters!!...Then where is peace at home...happiness in family...health in social relationships!!

Though the 'combined family system' of the past had few advantages it was a failure system!!...Failure model!!...Only the egoistic males who want to rule and be dictators, who want every one to serve them, will say that old system was right.

The new system, with certain other social support systems will become a correct model.

Today with world of oppurtunities for education and work, the definition has to be changed to 'World is home!'. There are soo many places to be visited on this earth...so many things to learn...so many things to see...so many things to listen to...so many people to meet...so many institutions to learn...so many organisations to work for learning new things (not to earn money and wealth!...it just runs behind you as an outcome!!)...soo many things to feel...true complete enlightenment happens when we visit and live in places of different culture, different languages, different/extreme climates, different terrains, different adaptation situations in life...So, the only oppurtunity of living on this earth should not be lost in only being servant maids inside homes for entire life....only home changes before and after marriage....but the quality of life and living is the same...enslaved...trapped!!

Humanity or nations or science or technology or anything can not develop with only one half of the gender contributing...

It is sad to see that girls crying on telephone...wait in queue to cry on phones regarding the life they live...the kind of people they have in their life and homes...the kind of belief systems they have...

The biggest enemies are only the pigeon-brained relatives who keep torturing with suggestions and questions...every parent....every student or child should have strong back bone to teach those primitive minded...change them...or leave them...march ahead in life...in the world...on this earth...

Remember...life is only once...no change again...and age to travel, learn, experience etc are only once...once the age or phase of life changes the need or urge or interest also will go away...but gets repressed and buried in the subconscious mind as a garbage and makes the inner mind to stink like a sewage tank...and does not allow us to be contented, happy and peaceful from inner-self.

So, liberate the girls...

"world is home!"...living home is only a part of bigger entity called life!!

(some times i feel like recording all the sobbing and cries of who come to me, with anonymity, and upload it here so that people feel the sufferings of people and can change...especially the selfish fathers, helpless mothers, dictator in-laws, egoistic and parasitic husbands!!)

Peacefully yours....Rams...Psychologist!!

'Nothing is there in our hands!...Everything is in the hands of the god!!'....Is this correct??

Dear all….THIS IS FOR ALL…

It is said that “Nothing is there in our hands!...Everything is in the hands of the god!!”

Is this correct and acceptable??

What is wrong in this?

When we teach the children like this then they tend to think ‘If nothing is in my hands then why should I try for anything?...I am not sure of getting what I want!...So, why should I try?...My efforts can go waste!...If everything is in the hands of the god, then let me as well only pray to god!...My parents pray to god that if their dreams come true then they will do lots of offerings to god. So, I will also follow the same route!...I will strike a business deal with the god!...I will pray to god that if my dreams come true, then I will give him something commensurate with the things I get from him!'

...So, these are some of the things that can appear in the mind of the children and adults and they might totally bank upon the god. Or they might take immoral routes to achieve their dreams…the stress and anxiety that ‘if nothing is there in my hands how will I get it….i want it…somehow I will achieve that!’ will make them do wrong things and land up in legal issues. This concept can also make them follow superstitions.

What is correct?.....”Everything is in our hands!!...Even god is in our hands!!”

How is this correct?

We will not get what we want or what we dream. We will get what we deserve. God will decide that!...So, god does not give anything from his bag. He ensures that you get what you deserve. How is this decided?...God decides this from ‘who we are?...What we do?...Our attitude to people, society, world, earth and universe…If we are good, self responsible, socially responsible, human beings with value systems and moral values etc…i.e our own deeds…. So, god does not give anything from his kitty but just gives what we deserve from this universe through our own deeds. So, if we want good from god, then we have to be good and do good.

If we are good, we are sure to only get things that are good for us. But if we think god has given bad, then it is our own wrong perception. We can’t blame god for this. Also, if we are bad and do bad, then we are sure to get only bad from god. No point in blaming him.

We decide what we deserve through our own deeds and god has no role to play in this. If you think god makes some people do good and some to do bad, then your perception of god is wrong. God always thinks good for all. But it is only we, who make us get bad, through our own bad deeds. God is helpless in this!!

With this concept, we will work…we will learn…we will not become lazy…we will not become parasite on god…we will be energetic and self confident…we will be good…we will always be conscious not to do immoral and illegal wrong things…we will be good human beings…we will be closer to god…god will use us to do good for others…god will select us as his disciple…god will use us as media to do good for all, society, world, earth and universe. We will become the messiah of god. We will not blame god or others or fate for our ‘perceived’ sufferings. We will know that we only are responsible for all these and no one else is responsible. We will know that we will decide our own fate. We will think in a positive manner…perceive in a health enhancing way…for all unpleasant or sad events in life. We will always be calm, composed, contented, fulfilled. We will know the reasons for all the happenings in our life. We will know how to correct our life or destiny or life path.

“Nothing is there in our hands!...Everything is in the hands of the god!!”…will make us surrender totally to an extent of irresponsibility…not interested…lethargy…laziness…we will not do our best…our dreams can get curtailed…no energy in us…we may not put in the efforts required…or our maximum efficiency…we are likely to close and shut down our brains for alternative thinking....problem solving...facing challenges in life...so, we may not learn and grow or mature or evolve at all!!...At the drop of the hat we will land up on the feet of god...every second of life...we will not be independent...limits knowledge and skill development!!

Therefore, “Nothing is there in our hands!...Everything is in the hands of the god!!” is not an appropriate statement. ”Everything is in our hands!!...Even god is in our hands!!...God does what we should get!” is the appropriate statement. This does not mean we will get egoistic that we are superior to god.

Sometimes we might feel that inspite of doing bad, some people around us are enjoying all the pleasures and happiness on this earth. God decides what is good or bad. God decides what the other person deserves and when. So, the profit and loss accounts of individuals in the books of god is always perfect. The balance sheet of happiness, peace and good health of body-mind-relationships are always balanced...left side equals the right side!!

Also our understanding of the concept of god is important....many follow incorrect concepts and therefore are not peaceful...happy...obsessed...addicted...superstitious!!

Peacefully yours...rams...Psychologist!!

What is important in life?...

Dear all...This is for all...

One who uses only the ‘body’ to earn his living in organisations, will remain to be a worker or slave for entire life!...They will struggle to get even their basic survival needs met!

One who uses the brain during this process and learns the work and related stuff will become the supervisor of these workers or slaves!...They will somehow meet the survival needs but struggle to get the comfort needs...i.e wants!!

One who gains knowledge in various disciplines, acquires multiple skills with respect to work, managing and leading...and uses his brain, not his body, will be the boss, manager and take the juice out of the supervisors and slaves!...He will live in comfort, with all his needs and wants met!

Of course, one who is a crook, who knows how to slave the workers and tame the managers will become a leader, dictator and rule the world!!

What should we do?....Whom should we become?

Aim in life is to be peaceful!
Aim in life is to be healthy!
Aim in life is to be happy!!

If we do wrong, live unethical, go in wrong values, be harmful and do things against human beings, Nature, animals etc, karma will throw it's sword nicely at the right time!

So, it is better to do define the life in a way that will give us peace, happiness and good health...enjoy every second as it is a learning moment in life...question ourselves whether this thinking, this feeling, this behaviour, will it give me peace, happiness and good health in a long run?...and decide the path of life!!

In general defining life as a Journey of Learning, being in present, live every moment, read and learn as much as possible in school, college, organisations...doing things without any expectations...acquiring multiple skills...multiple knowledge...being with human beings without any expectations...should in general give us decent money, wealth, power, authority, fame to live a fulfilled and contented life!!

Peacefully yours...Rams...Psychologist!!

THIS IS FOR ALL WHO WANT TO DISCUSS LOTS OF THINGS WITH OTHERS...OR...THOSE WHO WANT TO CHANGE OTHERS.

Dear all...THIS IS FOR ALL WHO WANT TO DISCUSS LOTS OF THINGS WITH OTHERS...OR...THOSE WHO WANT TO CHANGE OTHERS...

If you are interested in changing yourself, improving, maturing, growing and evolving, then only discuss with people on issues which are not proved (.eg god, religious faiths, caste beliefs etc) where you have a belief...opinion...perception...learnt lessons...etc.

If you are not interested in changing yourself then don't discuss because then you will only land up in argument and spoil your peace, happiness and health!!

Ask yourself if you are egoistic person also, If the answer is yes, then it is better you keep yourself shut, else you will get affected badly, lose relationships, friends will go away, you will become lonely, family members will remain isolated to the extent possible and you will be all alone and lonely on this planet!!

If you are interested in changing yourself, and if you don't have ego, then you are likely to listen to the view points of others also, you are likely to weight the truth or correctness in the views of others also, you are open, you are with open mind, you acknowledge the knowledge, wisdom, learning and experiences of others also...then you are likely to land up in DISCUSSION (NOT ARGUMENT)....therefore, you might create an environment wherein the other person also might throw away the ego and might be ready to listen...understand...accept...and probably might change also...in this process you also will learn and might change for betterment!!

Peacefully yours...Rams...Psychologist!!

THIS IS FOR ALL STUDENTS AND IT PROFESSIONALS....

Dear all...THIS IS FOR ALL STUDENTS AND IT PROFESSIONALS...

In the immediate past, in the agrarian society, our ancestors have lived a animal like life, based on eating, entertainment, reproduction...physical work etc...ie a life centered on 'belly and below"...i.e stomach, reproductive system and excretory organs!

In the present industrial society where technology dictates the life style, philosophy of life, etc the life and living has to be centered above diaphragm...i.e lungs, brain etc. I.e prana energy with strong mind. Today the 'workers' in IT industry are highly educated and so are the managers and leaders...their work requires high intelligence, calm cool and stable focused mind. This can happen only if the individual has a healthy body and healthy relationships.

But the life style set by your immediate predecessors in the industry, copied from the west, 'pleasure' centric, of eating and drinking junk, sleep less nights, zero-exercise day-to-day living, boozing, dancing in smoke filled enclosed spaces is certainly not going to provide the above calm, cool, healthy, focused, strong mind with healthy body and healthy relationships.

They will not relieve the stress, but only add stress and anxiety, lead to addictions and spoil everything in life.

This will only lead to early burn-out, anxiety, physical-mental and social stress, needing early retirement, ulcer, cancer, obesity, diabetes, hypertension, spoiled relationships, doomed family life, failed profession and finally failed life, falling in depressions etc.

So, the only way out is, the 'ancient indian culture' (not the present or immediate past indian culture) of yoga, meditation, eating natural stuff, in a natural way, keeping the food needs simple and less just to keep the body healthy, keeping the body urges and cravings low...making the brain and mind strong...keeping the mind peaceful, happy, healthy...following the life definition of karma...deriving that high surge of energy and boost through positive health enhancing methods above, rather than through smoke, drinks, meat, junks and drugs...This way everything like body, mind, relationships, family life, organisational hierarchical growth, longevity of professional, personal and social life are all ensured!!

This does not allow the stress to set in. So, there is no need of stress bursting. This is 'happiness' centric and not 'pleasure' centric.

so, Students and Professionals...better wake up, before it gets too late!!

Peacefully yours...Rams...Psychologist!!

expecting perceptions, understanding and matured behaviours of adult age from children would only result in disappointments, frustration, sadness and anger

Dear all...THIS IS FOR ALL...

At every age and stage we get different maturity...different level of understanding about life, people, social systems (marriage, family, organizations, duties and responsibilities, roles and statuses) relationships etc due to aging...due to the changes in the functioning of our body systems...due to changes in our needs, wants and expectations...due to different perceptions of various things around us...

This type of aged-maturity or understanding or different levels of perceptions of people, things and relationships comes through Shared Learning Experiences or Personal Experiences also...

But the issue is we expect people at younger ages...boys and girls before 13 years of age...or those who are in teens or early adult hood...i.e 20 to 40 years...to behave or perceive or understand things like a 60 year old human being...or older than that...We expect responsible behaviours from young boys and girls to the maturity of senior citizens or middle aged people...

This can happen if ....bodily they have attained that biological age or they have experienced such situations in life of a senior citizen...so that they get the learning experience commensurate with that age...and show understanding, beliefs, perceptions and behaviours like an adult or senior citizen!!

e.g an irresponsible boy in a family can become responsible and take on the role of his father, like a middle aged person, after the sudden death of his father....
Otherwise expecting such responsible behaviours of adult age from children would only result in disappointments, frustration, sadness and anger!!

There are many exceptions too!!...But i expressed about the common behaviours of human beings!!

peacefully yours...rams...psychologist!!