What matters the most...'Mind of the lover girl' or 'the words of the lover boy'?

Hai all....What matters the most...'MIND of the lover girl'? or the 'WORDS of the lover boy'?

when two people love each other mostly the boy has all the words of praise for the girl...but does she respond positively for all his praises all the time? 

if we observe anything, it becomes Beautiful or Correct or Pleasant or Acceptable (BCPA) ONLY IF OUR MIND MATCHES WITH IT IN FEELINGS, MOODS, EMOTIONS AND THOUGHTS  (FMET). So, mind is the first and foremost. If it is not in the matching FMET then the BCPA is not realised. Also the mind has to be Happy, Peaceful, Silent, at Rest and Vacant (HPSRV). Only then it can perceive BCPA.Otherwise not!!

Therefore, mind is the first and foremost and has to be happy, peaceful, silent, at rest and vacant with matching feelings, moods, emotions and thoughts. Only then the beauty or correctness or pleasantness or acceptability of a person or any thing can be perceived by the mind.

Therefore the realisation of beauty or correctness or acceptability of a person or a thing is not in that person or the thing...it is only in mind of the person observing it!!!

for e.g read these romantic phrases which are generally used by any one who is in love....and then read the analysis at the bottom...

'I love you daa!' 'I miss you a lot maa!' 'I miss your hugs and kisses'

'hmmm...i want to see you!'  'I feel like i want to hear your melodious sweet voice!'  'You are very beautiful!'  'You are a sweet personality!'  'A feeling of happiness and peace flows in me when i think about you!'  'You are the ultimate beauty for me!'  'You are the best gift of god to me!' 'I don't need any one or anything in my life other than you!' 'I like both your beauty and personality!' 'Your eyes are too beautiful and expressive!' 'You are the most charming beauty under the sky!' 'Your cheeks are like apples!' 'Your lips are too tasty like 'honey-oranges'!'  'you have a great figure!' 'The road sign boards like 'Dangerous Curves ahead, Go slow!' 'Don't speed up at curves!' etc make sense only when i am with you!' 'You have cute and beautiful hips!' 'You have beautiful butts!' 'Your voice is great!' 'Your dance performance is fabulous!' 'You have a great sense of humour!'''

of course one can go on typing endlessly like this because lovers have not left anything to describe their lovers...

now, all these beautiful phrases make a meaning, bring in happiness and smiles on the face of the girl and make her respond positively only if her mind is peaceful, happy, silent, at rest, empty and she is in matching good moods, thoughts, feelings and emotions.

Otherwise all these words

1. have no meaning

2. will bring only anger and hate in the mind of the girl.

Therefore the words of the boy are not important and beautiful...it is the mind of the girl that matters to perceive the beauty of his words. feelings, emotions and thoughts!!!

Otherwise it is all waste!!!!!

so, take care in life!!

Keep rocking! 

rams

Is there any need to talk to your lover?

hai all...

when two people love each other in true sense without any need or expectations etc...i.e they love each other 'for what they are' and not 'what they can get from the other person'...then their minds are always connected in their thoughts and feelings...they don't have to talk or chat etc...one knows that the other person is always thinking about him/her in thoughts and feelings all the time wherever he or she is or what ever he or she is doing...they may not even know that they are connected, but people in love are connected always!...or the brain always allocates a separate sacred place and keeps processing the memories and thoughts about the other person...because we consciously make the brain to access and play the video of memories repeatedly...so,like google, it remembers what we like, what we frequently access, what we would like to think always and it keeps playing that in some corner of the brain....therefore, there is no need to send an interrupt signal to the other processor and check out if your lover is remembering you!

If you both love each other beyond needs, wants, expectations etc then you will ALWAYS love each other, you can not hate the other person ever and you will always process that person in feelings and thoughts irrespective of where you are, what you are doing and what ever may be your age or period of separation between both!!!

so, check out whom you keep thinking all the time without your knowledge...it means you love that person...hey..hey...it does not mean it is some love that leads to procreation behaviours...it only means you like that person a lot...it only means that the thought about that person is giving you happiness, peace, health, freedom, high self esteem etc. It only means you attach lots of value to that person in your life. It only means that you care about that person.It only means you can not think of your life without that person. The person could be of same sex or opposite sex.

keep rocking!!

rams

What is the problem here with people and their living?

Hai all...

when i observe the people here as to what all they do from morning to evening...i find that from rich to poor, from educated to uneducated, from people with power to people without power....all are running towards only money, wealth, cheating others, go to office to just be present or do the work that is given to them till the end of working hours, talk all crap about others, go to temples in anxiety with a big wish list to request gods to help them get all those, parents chasing the kids to study well so that their children are better than others and get more paid jobs, use the sixth sense only to cheat others and protect themselves from other cheaters around. They basically wake up, run for food, shelter, protect, reproduce, rear off springs, entertain and die. Animals also do exactly the same things.

Basically these human bodies live like animals. They don't live like human beings. So, no wonder they have all sorts of physical, mental and social health problems. An average indian starts feeling aged from forties and becomes a walking coffin or walking dead body after that.

Day to day living itself is such a BIG TASK here!...people are so worried about their basic day to day living like eating, coffee and what not...they don't raise above that...they are always in EXISTENTIAL PROBLEMS...but only when we raise above existential needs, we can blossom and expand....all they do is discuss about other people all the time or worry about existential problems!

mostly all of them only survive...some exist...very very few only live!!

if i apply the Maslow's here to 'groups of people' i think all the societies on an average are still at the first level only struggling for food, shelter and clothing. May be some minority societies have gone up to the security needs level. Therefore, no wonder they are still primitive which is well understood by the political and religious exploiters to loot.

I wish they grow to a level of using their sixth sense to think about everything under the sky, not blindly follow their so called leaders of all spheres like cattle, live like human beings, come out of superstitions and live a meaningful life!

keep rocking!

rams

Why our marriages do not survive IN THE REAL SENSE?

Hai all...

Though there are many families intact without divorces, are they really intact at the heart level without dependencies and fears?  A BIG NO!! Many ladies live in homes just for their kids, fears of social stigma etc and very rarely for the husband. They just carry out their DUTIES like a wood without emotions and are moving-coffins or alive-dead-bodies.

Why?????

because...in our marriages far too many factors are involved....

matching of religions, castes, sub castes, sects, language, region of living, cultural factors becomes the first filter...which filters the maximum prospective alliances...left are only a few.

Then comes the horrorscope matching....sorry....horoscope matching...this again removes the big chunk of girls/boys. Left overs are really a handful.

Then comes 'all the significant people' in the family has to agree...in big families there are many people who have to agree for the marriage...only then the next level of talks is progressed...

In this, every significant person of the family has his or her own agenda of gains or losses...so she or he agrees or disagrees depending on her share of financial or social or emotional or status gains.

If all agree, then comes the TALKS where 'business' deals are finalised (gold, silver, utensils, car, other house hold appliances, property, rituals, ceremonies, expenditures etc).

marriages are a 'convenient living transaction' for all those related to the boy and girl!!...we want to make sure everything else is more important than 'love' in our marriage system.

the biggest problem here is 'no one wants to have kids just because they want to have kids'  'for enjoying the pleasures of having and grooming a child and the emotional dynamics the kid brings in the family'. Here the funda'mental' reason for having a kid is 'for dependency', with expectations, selfish needs...an ulterior motive...all types of dependencies...financial, emotional, legal, social, physical, mental...therefore the kids are never free...they can never take their decisions on their own regarding anything in their life till the end of their lives!!...they are emotionally prisoned!!! 

Therefore, No one is bothered about the TWO people who are going to live together.
These 'cattle' are forced to select within the left overs available.
The girl or boy are told indirectly 'From tomorrow you will sleep with him or her and live with those people!!'.

It is presumed that 'love blooms out of sexual pleasure needs met'. Unfortunately the emotions which emanate out of nature driven feelings for procreation  and grooming of offsprings is perceived as love. This being a condition based i.e love exists if the needs are met, otherwise not, leads to a situation of 'emotional business' between the two. Here love behaviours are exhibited whenever one person wants physical touches or sex or whenever he or she perceives a threat to the 'emotional security'/possessiveness. Rarely this love that emanates out of sex evolves to liking a person for the overall personality traits and beyond.

Marriages are only a business where business is grown, wealth joins wealth, status joins status, friends join with friends, religion joins with religion, caste joins with caste, language joins with language!

The girl lives with and knows more about others than her husband. The boy and girl spend time for few minutes on bed or elsewhere performing their duties and responsibilities as 'husband' 'wife' 'father' 'mother' 'son' 'daughter' 'daughter-in-law' etc. The girl almost does not get and enjoy the togetherness, romance, love, sex, orgasm, friendship and soulmateship. Love being the fundamental one for good mental health and living which she does not get from husband and others, she starts giving to and taking it from children, animals around (dogs, cats, hens, cattle, birds etc ) and nature (like plants, trees, river, clouds, sun, moon, sky, stars etc). She lives in her fantasy world deriving pleasures in imagination.

Therefore, LOVE suffers between the two, deep somewhere, some time in life! They only become the bullocks pulling the family cart for children or family or society sake.There are walls between them. They are never real friends. Never  soul mates. They derive more happiness, pleasure and peace while being with their school or college friends. They would like to spend less time with their life mates. They don't have much to talk to their life mates.Others call it a successful family. They perceive them to be best couples with highest adaptability. They perceive them to be 'made-for-eachother' couple.

Our people or society calls them as SUCCESSFUL MARRIAGES, SUCCESSFUL FAMILIES and SUCCESSFUL COUPLE.

From the above we know what is important and where the corrections need to be applied in our marriage system to make it really meaningful and get a feeling of a life lived  in true sense.

keep rocking!!

rams

Atomic theory of RELATIONSHIPS!!

Hai all...

We all know that atom is the basic element of any matter. Yes....atom matters in our life too.
Human beings are social animals. They can not be alive without socialisation. Father, mother, brother, sister are default reltionships formed at the time of birth. As we grow all other relationships are formed.

There is a lot of dynamics between us and others around in our relationships. This dynamics affects our physical-mental-social health, happiness, peace and success either positively or negatively.

Now, how to handle the relationships????...if we know how to handle them then there is no problem in life.

Like atom is the basic element of matter, atom is the basic element of relationships too.

Husband and wife form the nucleus. One can be positive like proton. It is better the other person remains neutral like a neutron so that the stability within the nucleus is maintained. Who is proton and Who is Neutron keeps changing depending on situations. This philosophy could be extended to lovers also. 

 

Let the bonding between the couple be as strong as a real nucleus. Let any one not enter the nucleus. Who ever it is. Because if any external particle can break the nucleus and enter in between the proton and neutron then the entire atom will explode. 

 

In a combined family system which still exists in a modified form or diluted form following people freely, authoritatively and emotionally enter the nucleus bringing in breakage of the family...

 

1. parents of the boy

2. parents of the girl

3. close relatives and friends of both boy and girl

 

They all have a sphere of influence on the couple. But it should not affect the intimacy and basic of EMOTIONAL FRIENDSHIP BONDAGE between them.

 

It is impossible for the husband or wife to meet all the emotional, financial, intellectual, professional, personal, social, mental and physical needs of the other all the time. So, there is a tendency to seek for the support outside the relationship or family for the deficient ones. It depends upon the priority or direness of the need. If it is body related then it is extremely difficult to contain the needs though there are so many methods available to decrease the need, suppress the need and divert the need or meet the need safely.

 

If it is mind related then it is easy to tackle using all the methods available. So, instead of two people inside the nucleus there are more than two at a time or at different times. There are many cases (divorced situations) where the nucleus contains only two people but they are different at different times. Therefore, it is a challenge to keep the nucleus safe!

 

The first orbit around the nucleus forms the 'children electrons'. They form the best and closest to the nucleus. They have more influence on the nucleus but should not be allowed to enter the intimacy and friendship between the husband and wife. 

 

All relatives, friends and others in office, social groups, society and outside remain in the outer orbits but within the atom. Let the electrons in the outer orbit not enter inner orbit or nucleus.

So, it depends on us as to how we form our nucleus, outer orbits and keep the atomic particles wherever they are supposed to be.

If we can do this then our life will all be Healthy, Happy, Peaceful and Successful (HHPS). Otherwise we will only be fighting the forces or elements that try to destabilize the atom which will not give us HHPS.

Keep rocking!!

rams

How two people of opposite sexes have to build up their relationship inside the social system called 'marriage'?

Hai all...

when two people of opposite sexes get married what they should do?

first they have to be best friends

then they will become best lovers

then automatically they will become best husband and wife

this will lead to they becoming best parents

all these will make them best soulmates for life time

if they are not best friends then they can not become best lovers...there will be some ifs and buts...

if they are not best friends and lovers then they can not become the best husband and wife as they can not make the best home environment....(as husband and wife are social statuses in a social system called 'home')

if they are not the best husband and wife then they can not become best parents!

if they are not best friends, best lovers, best husband and wife and best parents then they can never never and never become best soulmates!!!

rams

What is required for a relationship to last a life time with happines, peace and good physical-mental-social health?

Hai all...by default from the moment of birth we are involved in social relationship...before even being born we are involved in a relationship with the mother...after birth we have father, sister, brothers, relatives as default relationships...as we grow we get relationships like friends, lover, husband, wife, soul mate etc...i don't think any one wants any good relationship to break or go away...

all of us are human beings and we are social animals...without socialization we can not be happy, healthy and at peace. Therefore we want the good relationships to last a life time.

for any relationship to remain strong and lost for entire life time following conditions are required...all of them are within us and not outside...correcting ourselves is the most simplest and easiest thing and correcting others is the toughest thing...we always try to correct others, the toughest, and do not put in any effort to correct ourselves, which is the easiest...(because we think we are always right and others are wrong!!)...therefore our relationships suffer...

if the following conditions are not met then any relationship whether it is father, mother, wife, husband, lover, friend, relative, soul mate or any damn relationship on earth will break at some level or the other (few strings of bonding wire will get cut off) and at some time or the other in life...

1. there should be no expectation (more the expectation, less the happiness, peace and physical-mental-social health. Less the expectations, more of everything. Zero expectation means ABUNDANCE of everything!!)...you can take a paper, list down all the expectations, the length of list and importance you attach and the efforts involved in giving it by the other person will show you where you stand in that relationship...
2. there should be no exploitation
3. there should be no possessiveness
4. there should be no longing
5. the relationship should have only happiness and no sadness
6. it should be based on only GIVING and SERVICE and not TAKING
7. it should be beyond body needs and mind needs
8. there should be no perception of cheating
9. there should be no obsession
10. there should be no control and compulsion
11. one should breathe freedom in the relationship
12. one should feel heavenly while thinking about the person and the relationship
13. there should be no demands
14. the person in the relationship should radiate peace, happiness and good health to the other person and both should radiate the same to others around them.
15. one should help the other person in achieving all the physical, mental and social needs and wants of the other person i.e making the other person to achieve all the six needs of Maslow through own efforts
16. one should see father, mother, wife, husband, sister, brother, lover, soul mate, teacher, guide, mentor, philosopher and god in the other person.
17. both should become devotee of each other... like the relationship between Aandaal and Lord Krishna...she saw all types of relationships with Lord Krishna...for her it was only Lord Krishna for everything...she served him in temples, lived there, sang songs, chant mantras and died...but lives in the heart of every one and indian epics as a true example of DEVOTION and DEVOTEE.

if the above conditions exist then that relationship will remain strong through out the life as 'eternal love' or 'spiritual love'. Otherwise it will not exist long or exist only for society sake with some strings cut, some lose, some missing.

keep rocking!!

rams