Dear all...THIS IS FOR PARENTS AND UNMARRIED YOUNGSTERS WITHIN THE AGE FROM 16 TO 30...
An interesting (of course, common!) question from a parent...
Qn: Though we call ourselves as human beings, actually we are also animals in a way. Boys and girls attain age between 13 to 15. After this they get attracted to each other.
Many decades back parents got them married off at this age. So, there was no issue of LOVE and SEX BEFORE MARRIAGE. So, parents were not worried about these two important issues.
Later the age increased to 18. Then the problems of ‘FALLING IN LOVE’ and ‘SEX BEFORE MARRIAGE’ started.
Now girls and boys are getting married only after 28 or 30. So, LOVE, RAPE and SEX BEFORE MARRIAGE have increased. So, it is a big headache and worry-some issue to protect and guard the girl children as virgins till this age. They don’t understand that they are losing the prime age of enjoyment and fun in married life, like we enjoyed. They also don’t understand that after 25, they can’t get good match, young boys and all boys will get married in our caste before that. So, how can i get a matching boy for her and get her married off. It is a big burden and responsibility on my head which these girls don’t understand. They are not knowing about family and social life. They are only bothered about their education and job!...Woff, big head ache everyday at home fighting with these girls, explaining and convincing them for marriage!!
Ans: 1. During your time the opportunity for education and employment was limited. Predominantly only boys were culturally seen as bread-winners and achievers for the family and girls were seen only as house wives. Life and living were family centric, that you were born, got some education, got job, got married and worked only for getting money for family living. Girls were sent to school and some of them to college so that they can educate their children after marriage. They were married off to live their reproductive life with their husbands. There was no competition in education, skill development, jobs, salaries, surviving in jobs etc. Both boys and girls used their sixth sense only limited and mostly lived with their body urges.
Today you are driving your girl child right from age 5 to be first in the class, best in sports, outstanding in all skill related activities. You put her in best tuition, coaching, you keep telling her that she should excel and be the topper always and winner everywhere. So, she is always using her brain, sixth sense, dreams only being topper and winner, her passion becomes to be an achiever. So, body urges take back seat and less priority. They want to get 200 out of 200 in +2, join best of the colleges, study as much as possible, join the best jobs, compete, compare and keep running. They want claps, praising, the happiness of accomplishment, acceptance for their knowledge-skills-hard-work, awards, medals, certification of their talents, competencies etc. They sense fulfilment, contentment in being the winner. What was fun and entertainment for you is not for her. Her definition of life and living has become different. Fun and entertainment has become different. You are thinking all the time about sex. She is all the time thinking about being a winner and achiever. So, if you are worried, it is your ignorance. You lived with your body and animal instincts in your agrarian society and world. She is living with her sixth sense in the industrial society and world. For her sex is no priority, insignificant and not important at all. After driving her for more than a decade to win in life, if you ask her 'stop running and start your married life' when she is about to win or winning, obviously she feels screwed, cheated and loses the trust on her parents for this change in attitude!!
Who made her like that?...Youoooooooooooooo!!...The changing society!!...It is not wrong. It is right only. Human beings are supposed to live with sixth sense, and not sexth sense. They are supposed to win over their body urges using their brain, sixth sense, through changes in life style and eating habits. Whereas you still live like an animal only and not allowing her to live like a human being.
She will ‘settle down’ first in her world of work, passion, urge for being an achiever, and then will think about marriage, family etc. But her definition of marriage and family may be different from that of yours, to match her work, work place, society in the organisation and place of living. Your relatives will not be her relatives and if you are wise, accept her relatives as your relatives, as, TRULY SHE IS YOUR WORLD, and not your jealousy, lousy, useless relatives who can only criticize you and not going to look after you when you need help, love and affection, support for daily existence.
If you are wise, groomed your girl to be matured, self-dependent, capable of making decisions for life and living, make her own destiny in which she will be peaceful, happy and healthy, then you can peacefully go for a honey moon with your lady.
In fact, these days all girls are matured and capable of deciding their life and destiny as they face enough emotional relationship issues during their teens and later, that parents are less experienced than them!!
Your daughter's growing up is not similar to that of your wife!!...So, don't compare your wife and sisters with your daughter!!
Many marriages fail because the old, traditional, anxiety struck, sex-worried, ‘naalu per’ or ‘relatives’ worried parents force their girls and boys to get married when they are PHYSICALLY AND MENTALLY not ready.
Parents think that attaining age is the qualification for sexual married life. But for ‘achievement and passion’ oriented children, much more is needed.
So, parents, just relax and enjoy your life. Your perception of fears and responsibilities etc is all false, not matching with the present day. If you can’t, then keep worrying, screwing the happiness and peace of every one at home, eat pills and sleep.
You need counselling and therapy, not your children!!
Peacefully yours...rams...health psychologist!!
