"Sir, my friend is going behind a person. She says he talks all good philosophies of life and many followers are there for him. But i think he is not a good person. I think he uses drugs!!'

 Dear all,

One question...One answer...

Qn. "Sir, my friend is going behind a person. She says he talks all good philosophies of life and many followers are there for him. But i think he is not a good person. I think he uses drugs!!'

Ans:

Never follow people. Never get obsessed with people. Follow what they say in your life, if you think it will give you life long, health enhancing life style to keep your body and mind healthy, happy and make life long healthy relationships with every one. Anything that does not give these is not correct, right and true. 

Anyone who uses health compromising life style with natural or man made chemicals is not good, not safe and it is better to remain away from him. Even if he has got many good things. 

When the body needs, urges and cravings are high, the body will not allow the brain to use sixth sense, think philosophically, to be in reality, to think logically and reasonably, to acquire and disseminate wisdom. It will only make it to plan the strategies, plans, exhibit emotions and behaviours to go closer to the source of pleasure, acquire or possess that pleasure, enjoy it, and once the need satiation is over, then the body is calm, cool and it frees the brain and mind to think about life philosophies, wisdom etc. i.e in the state of ecstasy. So, it is moving from pleasure to happiness. Going to a state of happiness through satiation of pleasure needs and wants. This is not correct, right and health enhancing. Because pleasure is addictive and anything addictive is not good for body, mind and relationships.

All these people are likely to use natural or man made chemicals or drugs to enjoy the pleasures, be in those feelings, relieve their body from the pleasure needs temporarily, remain in that mental state of ecstasy...and talk about all philosophies of life. Their philosophies may or may not be right. But certainly their life style is not right as it is not health enhancing and it is health compromising. 

These people live in pleasure fantasies, world of feelings created due to pleasures, out of reality, out of natural living, unhealthy for body and mind, use of addictive substances (natural or man made), in a state of unhealthy brain, unhealthy mind. So, they are not correct. Anyone pushing you inside pleasures, feelings that emanate out of pleasures, living in those feelings, all the time in pleasure fantasies, forcing you to listen to him or her, forcing you to follow them are not correct. They are not true gurus. 

In general human beings want to be in the feeling of goodness out of pleasures. They want to remain in that mental state. They want to repeat the cognition (thoughts), affect (emotions or feelings) and behaviours that will give them pleasure, or keep them in that pleasure well, as it keeps them away from stresses, fears, unpleasantness etc but only temporarily and not permanently. They want to be around such people who live in that life, who motivate to live in that life, who support to live that life by giving all the things necessary. So, it appears to them that all philosophies of life told by such gurus are right. But it is not healthy and right. 

Anyone, whoever it may be, saying 'I am right. Just blindly follow me!' is not right. He is switching off your cognitive part of brain, reasoning part of brain, reality part, the ego and super ego components explained by Sigmund Freud and making you a goat, blind follower, brainless idiot, one who can not think and take decisions etc. So, he is not right...He is only poisoning you, killing you slowly and steadily!!

Such states of happiness, blissful state of wisdom, free mind states, can be achieved by following health enhancing life style also. In fact much better and higher states of wisdom,  stable, cool and calm minds, without any addictions, urges and cravings, without passing through the states of pleasures, without dwelling in the pleasure wells and pleasure domains, without using any natural or man made chemicals. By eating natural, organic, boiled, healthily cooked, fresh foods, sleeping between 10 pm to 5 am, doing yoga, doing aerobic and cardiac exercises, breathing exercises, laughing and other therapies, living in natural environs, reading books of positive health enhancing knowledge, with a set of health enhancing life philosophies, with high IQ, EQ and SQ, meditation etc. Such gurus will not force you to follow them. They will not force you into pleasures. They may not tell anything. They will just live their life and radiate good health, send positive vibrations around them. Others will just observe them and follow their life style. No adoring. No celebrating. No obsessions. No identity seeking behaviour of being his follower. You will simply do the same health enhancing things and get benefitted. You will also get such healthy feelings, thoughts, philosophies, clarity, wisdom etc. No confusion. No urges of anything. No cravings for anything. No pleasure fantasies. But healthy, natural, caring and supporting fantasies similar to fantasies of a small baby child who is acting like a mother to the imaginary children.  The feeling of goodness is happiness here. No pleasures. No phase of passing through pleasure. 

Hope you have got the clarity. Hope things are clear.

Peacefully yours...Rams...Psychologist!!

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"Sir, I am feeling too lonely at my home, inspite of everyone being around me. But all of them have far too many wants, needs and expectations from me that i am unable to satisfy them. I am feeling too stressed. Please help."

 Dear all,

One Question....One answer...

Qn. "Sir, I am feeling too lonely at my home, inspite of everyone being around me. But all of them have far too many wants, needs and expectations from me that i am unable to satisfy them. I am feeling too stressed. Please help."

Ans: I can only tell how to cope up with the situation and live peacefully. As others are not here for counselling.

We have sources of conditional love. We have sources of unconditional love. Almost all human beings are conditional. All the other trillions of organisms on earth are sources of unconditional love.

You should have more sources of unconditional love around you at home. So, have parrots, love birds, fishes, dogs, cats, cattle, lots of greenery, potted plants, feed grains to birds, spend time on gardening, spend more time with infants and children, fill the room walls with nature, keep many things inside the house that make you feel that you are living with nature, fantasize living with nature, love the potted plants, flowers, butterflies, beetles and strike relationship with them. Spend more time with these sources of unconditional love, caring for them, loving them, talking to them etc.

The significant people at home like mother, father, siblings etc may be partially unconditional. i.e between about 40% to 80%. Spend time accordingly with them in those domains you are compatible with them. Spend time on common interests and likes. Not in stressful domains of their wants, needs and expectations.

We ourselves are not able to meet our own plans of the day. We are not able to meet our own expectations. So, it is not possible to meet the expectations of everyone around us. Certainly not all the time. So, do your best without affecting your physical and mental health.

If you want to make others happy, you have to be happy first. A sad person cannot make others happy!!

First keep yourself healthy. Here people are not bothered about being physically and mentally unhealthy. It is a culture here. So, protect your body and mind. And do whatever possible to others, without stressing your body metabolism and brain.

Peacefully yours...rams...Psychologist!!

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Sir, I am feeling too lonely at my home, inspite of everyone being around me. But all of them have far too many wants and needs i am unable to satisfy!!'

Dear all,

One Question....One answer...

Qn. "Sir, I am feeling too lonely at my home, inspite of everyone being around me. But all of them have far too many wants, needs and expectations from me that i am unable to satisfy them. I am feeling too stressed. Please help."

Ans: I can only tell how to cope up with the situation and live peacefully. As others are not here for counselling.

We have sources of conditional love. We have sources of unconditional love. Almost all human beings are conditional. All the other trillions of organisms on earth are sources of unconditional love.

You should have more sources of unconditional love around you at home. So, have parrots, love birds, fishes, dogs, cats, cattle, lots of greenery, potted plants, feed grains to birds, spend time on gardening, spend more time with infants and children, fill the room walls with nature, keep many things inside the house that make you feel that you are living with nature, fantasize living with nature, love the potted plants, flowers, butterflies, beetles and strike relationship with them. Spend more time with these sources of unconditional love, caring for them, loving them, talking to them etc.

The significant people at home like mother, father, siblings etc may be partially unconditional. i.e between about 40% to 80%. Spend time accordingly with them in those domains you are compatible with them. Spend time on common interests and likes. Not in stressful domains of their wants, needs and expectations.

We ourselves are not able to meet our own plans of the day. We are not able to meet our own expectations. So, it is not possible to meet the expectations of everyone around us. Certainly not all the time. So, do your best without affecting your physical and mental health.

If you want to make others happy, you have to be happy first. A sad person cannot make others happy!!

First keep yourself healthy. Here people are not bothered about being physically and mentally unhealthy. It is a culture here. So, protect your body and mind. And do whatever possible to others, without stressing your body metabolism and brain.

Peacefully yours...rams...Psychologist!!

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"Sir, My husband was soooooooo caring all these years and now he said "I can't live with you anymore!...I will leave you anytime!"...I am totally shattered!!"

 Dear all,

One Question...One Answer....

Qn. "Sir, My husband was soooooooo caring all these years and now he said "I can't live with you anymore!...I will leave you anytime!"...I am totally shattered!!"....

Ans: We need to understand certain philosophies of relationships...

1. Any relationship can break anytime totally, partially or mentally or physically or socially; No relationship is assured for lifetime.

(as most of the relationships here are created by others around us or by us for selfish needs and support from others. Only true unconditional caring and supporting from both the people if exists, the relationship between the two can last for life time which is rare!!)

2. Animals are not possessive about their mates as they are not dependent upon their mates for their body needs for life time (security needs). They also don't indulge in reproductive acts for recreation or fun or pleasure but only for the nature driven instinct of procreation. So, they don't look for one specific mate. They just indulge without any conscious strategy, but nature driven mating skills, with the nearest mate. They don't have a complex brain, complex mind and can not think a lot like humans resulting in lots of fear and insecurity. They have a simple brain and instinctive mind for survival and reproduction. They don't have security need issues based on (i.e life long needs, wants and desires from one person) social status, social security, legal issues, financial complications, physical security, mental security etc. Another best thing is they don't talk, they only show their love and caring through their behaviours. But we talk a lot and know a lot to hurt others naturally, due to our 'hurt'y culture. We can abuse easily without any effort. Animals can not show negatives through body gestures and facial expressions. We can. They don't work and do not have professional and career aspirations, knowledge and skill development, demands of experience, being up-to-date and such other bla bla of life and related stresses!!

3. As the human possessiveness is only for his or her own body needs, it vanishes or reduces in many cases once he or she perceives to have got an alternative life time partner with all kinds of securities explained above. 

4. Every stage in life has the aging and related physical, mental and social issues. We need to know these issues, causes and remedies / coping skills or avoidance, before we enter that phase or stage of the life. So that we can handle it better. We think wrongly that only adolescence has 'age' related issues. i.e hormone related. Whereas non sexual issues of fear of life, loss of money, wealth and other possessions as we start getting diseases and disorders, face declining career progression, feel aging  and fear of insecurity etc are also age related issues. Between 40 to 60 these are the major issues that cause all kinds of abuses, shouts, frustrations, inabilities which lead to break in relationship physically or mentally. If we know the characteristics, challenges related to each phase of life and how to handle them, then life becomes jingalala. All these are available in Life Span psychology or Developmental Psychology text books. 

5. We are bound to get attracted to anyone from whom we perceive true unconditional caring and supporting or peace of mind. As this kind of love is divine and godly, we tend to perceive those people as God or Divine. We also have tendencies to get attracted to others or get aroused with others for physical or mental or fantasy or variety needs. 

Many husband and wives are not able to hug and kiss their better halves whom they loved the most once upon a time, due to these hurting and abusing words. But in our houses we are not taught to be kind with words. Parents use all kinds of harsh, hurting and abusive words amongst themselves and on on others around. And so we get spouses who are worse with words. We are so vulnerable with our partner - and whatever harshness they show affect us so much. And our partner also unleashes his or her worst on us as if he / she can get away with it. So after years and years, and once all hormones fade away, this creates a divide.

Some partners are so devoted to their relationship and spouse, but with words only they are horrible. Some understand this and carryon. Some are not able to. Some realise that it is because their own inability or understanding the good side of the partner and it is only due to their own usage of abusive words due to frustrations of non satiation of needs or hormonal issues from the spouse. 

Workaholic and loving spouses are better than sexaholic partners.

Some take it as their karma. Meaning they have got back what they gave. Some feel guilty. Some are unable to come out of the hurt. Some are unable to come out of the guilt. Many think they are perfect and only their partner is wrong.  Many are not able to go past the hurt of harsh words spoken by their spouse. Some suffer. Some give up their desire. Some are grateful for what they have and try to manage to live peacefully. Some make peace with their sadness. So, everyone applies all kinds of coping skills or defence mechanisms and survive, as they can not end their life. If we know all those at para 4 above, have high emotional intelligence, then we can easily manage to avoid the above complications in life and relationships. 

So, the crux is...

1. You know what you have done, as you are saying that he was sooooooooooooo caring earlier. If you have not done any harm, then understand his issues, sit with him, talk patiently, see how you can heal him and make him feel better, de-stressed etc. I do understand your body, mind, social and professional issues. But both have to understand, overcome your issues and put that step forward to the other person to keep the relationship intact and without strain and stress. 

2. He would not have meant what he said. Probably it was an outburst of his stresses including that he is unable to fulfill his duties and responsibilities towards you, as in the past, as he is also aging and facing lots of physical, mental, social and professional challenges. 

All the best.

Peacefully yours...rams...Psychologist. 

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"sir, i need help. My husband does not do pampering these days (or caressing or fondling or amorous talk or 'konjal)!!

 Dear all...One Question...One Answer...

 

Qn. "Sir, I am 50 years old. My husband used to do lots of Konjals with me during initial days of marriage. That has reduced slowly over a period of time and now he has totally forgotten and does not do it. He only does some official family talks. I want him to be with me the way he was 25 years back!!"

Ans:

"Baby animals are playful, active. Adult animals are romantic and active. Old animals have none of these!!"

Anyone wants to do Konjals with babies and children as they are cute, innocent, always smiling, active, do not know their age, always want to be happy and do not behave for social acceptance.

So, forget your age and social status of mother, mother-in-law and such other bla bla. Don't think about the future. Be mentally free. Do yoga, meditation and other mental and physical exercises. Be energetic, active and effervescent. You can't go back to your appearance 25 years back, but certainly put in efforts and be cute, innocent, playful and romantic. Don't be like an old animal and make him also like the above!... Think young, dress young, talk young, be mentally young, don't be much conscious about socially acceptable behaviours or conscious of society etc.!!

I am sure, he might not be doing konjals, but continues to be a responsible husband and father.

When men age, they will show their love more in behaviours of being responsible, caring and supporting, and emotions that help for exhibiting these behaviours, rather than indulging in or less indulging in behaviours that lead to reproductive acts.

Any relationship that is formed with a motivation of only reproductive needs will weaken/vanish. Relationships sustaining with a motivation of other body needs will remain till the needs are satisfied. A relationship beyond these will remain strong for eternity!!

So, change and change him through your changed thinking, behaviours and emotions!!...Certainly there will be an improvement!!...All the best!!

Peacefully yours…Rams…Psychologist!!

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Sir, i need your help. I need to take an important decision in my life, but i am not able to take that decision!...please help meeeeeeeeeeee...!!

One Question...One Answer...

Qn. 'Sir, i need your help. I need to take an important decision in my life, but i am not able to take that decision!!...I feel i am clear in my mind, but unable to decide. One boy is in love with me for few years now. He accords his first priority to me. It appears that no other girl is there in his life as his lover. He is glued to me all the time. He is ready to sacrifice his life also for me. I feel he is the best person who can take care of me and support me in all my endeavours. But both of us belong to two different castes which are cats and dogs for generations. So, the parents of both sides will not agree to this proposal. But i am not interested in any other person also. Everyone tells me to do different things. I don't know what to do!!....When i ask my bestie, she says 'Listen to your heart and go by what it says...heart will always tell the right and correct thing!!'...I am confused sir, please help me to decide...This lock down inside the house has affected both of us very badly as we are not able to talk when we are at home with parents and we are not able to meet, so suffering a lot sir...feeling depressed!!

Ans: Hai, there are few golden thumb rules to take any decision in life. There are few more related to taking decision in such relationships. They are as follows:-

(1) 'Never take any decision when you are in any negative state of mind or body'.

For e.g sad, depressed, frustrated, high state of mental stress, too much of work load, mentally and physically tired (e.g nights), suffering with diseases and ailments in the body, having disorders in mind, mood swings, hormonal imbalance, delayed periods, periods time, in a drunken state, when the brain is under the control of chemicals like antibiotics, anti allergy medicines (drowsy state) and other drugs, pleasure chemicals and substances, disturbed body metabolism and such other traumatic or non traumatic conditions of the mind and imbalanced state of body in metabolism, hormonal states and neurotransmitter secretions.

Under the above conditions, generally the brain is not healthy and therefore, the mind formed also will not be healthy. It will be confused. So, it may not be able to decide or will decide wrongly under pressure. It may not know what is right and correct for you for entire life. It will only tell what is right and correct for that moment to meet the needs or desires or reach the state of stability or freedom or free from stress. This may not be right after we come out of that state. So, we might feel guilty or regrets.

Those who want to influence your decisions will use this tactic of 'compelling you to take a decision that is favourable to them when you are in such confused stressful state of mind and body.

Or they will create a stressful condition of the body and mind, and thereafter force you to take a decision that is favourable to them.

Or will make you feel insecure by scaring you with all kinds of stuff that will bring fear in you. Once your brain feels drained, full of fear, scared, feels 'not with enough resources' to decide, or not confident to live etc, then they will propose their decision and make you agree to that decision willingly so that you don't feel you are brainwashed or betrayed or cheated or taken charge off etc.

Such people with vested interests can also give natural or artificial foods or chemicals or drugs or parts of plants or animals....naturally or forcefully...may be casually.....to alter the hormonal secretions or neurotransmitter secretions or bring imbalance in the bio-chemicals of the body or disturb your metabolism.

(2) 'Never take any decision when you are in the state of ecstasy, highest pleasure or happiness state, elated state of mind, state of orgasm etc.'

This is because, under these conditions our body or mind or both are in very high state of pleasure or happiness or contentment or fulfillment...so, the decision will be biased towards the source of this pleasure or happiness or contentment or fulfillment.

(3) 'Never take any decision when we are in an obsessed state of mind. Obsessed with a person, place, life situation, item etc.'

i.e if we feel that 'he is the only beautiful person or best human being in the world!'

'She is the only beautiful person or best human being in the world!'

'This is the only best place in the world!'

'This is the only best moment of my life!!'

This is the mental state when we feel insecure and we get a person or item or place or life situation at that point of time of earth falling down under our feet....at this time, the body and mind will try to cling to the person or place or life situation or item parasitically...and once we are out from this mental state then we will feel that we have taken a wrong decision.

In general, we all of us are always some where in between two extreme states of mind....i.e in a state of highest state of despair or loss of hope to live or over confidence to live....i.e it is a continuum of minus infinity to plus infinity....we exist at some place in between these two states of infinity....one is a state of total fear that we feel we can't live anymore and we want to die...another is a state of no fear of anything or over confidence....both are unstable states of the mind...during both the states our body is unstable...mind is unstable!!!

We should be at the centre of this continuum.....i.e state of zero....i.e total stability...no 'loss of hope' and no 'over confidence or elated state'

Generally, people think this ELATED OR ECSTATIC OR ORGASMIC STATE AS A STABLE STATE OF MIND AND BODY...THIS STATE OF 'STREE FREE' FEELING OR 'FEELING OF TOTAL FREEDOM' OR 'BLISSFUL STATE' IS RIGHT...

So, PEOPLE TAKE US TO ONE OF THE ABOVE STATES OF DESPAIR OR ECSTASY OR OBSESSION....KNOWINGLY OR UNKNOWINGLY, WILLINGLY OR WITHOUT ANY VESTED INTERESTS OR CUNNINGNESS OR JUST SIMPLE GESTURE OF NO INTENTIONS and caring without any reason and loving without any conditions................we should not take decisions in any of the above states. BECAUSE ALL THESE THREE ARE HIGHEST NEED STATES OR STATE OF FULFILLMENT OF NEEDS.

IDEAL CENTRE OF THE CONTINUUM, IS THE ZERO NEED STATE.....i.e we don't have any needs....we don't need anyone....we can be on our own....we don't need any item....nothing, no one or no life situation affects our happiness or peace state....our body is fine and mind is fine....

This is an ideal state. If we are not able to reach this state is ok. At least we should be some where closer to this state for taking decisions. Certainly not at the two extremes!!!

When we are near the zero, we can control our body or mind towards zero. When we are at the extreme ends, i.e high states of need or desires then we can not control our mind or body....both will control our life to meet their needs or desires by any means!!

Now...coming to .....'Listen to your heart and go by what it says!!'.....

Basically heart is related to 'emotions' and brain is related to 'logic'

i.e heart is related to 'fantasies' and 'unreal'....brain is related to 'reality'...''logical thinking"

So, your friend is actually saying 'go by your fantasies and emotions' and not by 'reality and logical thinking and reasoning'....so, you will accept that what she says is wrong and will not work out in this practical world. Fantasy life can be lived only in fantasies and not in reality!!

Another thing is 'BOTH BODY AND MIND HAVE THEIR NEEDS OR DESIRES. WHEN THEIR NEEDS ARE MET, THEY WILL SAY 'THAT IS RIGHT'...'THAT PERSON IS RIGHT'...'THAT ITEM IS RIGHT'....'THAT LIFE SITUATION IS RIGHT'....AND EITHER THE BODY OR MIND OR BOTH WILL ASK FOR THAT PERSON OR PLACE OR ITEM OR LIFE SITUATION FOR ENTIRE LIFE SO THAT THE BODY AND MIND OR EITHER OF THEM CAN HAVE SECURITY OF THAT NEED...DESIRE...FOR ENTIRE LIFE....THROUGH THAT PERSON OR ITEM OR PLACE OR LIFE SITUATION...

Therefore, the crux is....

1. Your mind and body have high levels of needs due to social isolation...and procreation and recreation needs. So, it is not a healthy state of body or mind to take any decision now.

2. Decisions are to be taken by us only by moving to that zero state in the continuum...i.e no need or desire state....(not a depressed state of no need or desire)....This state can be reached through therapies, nutritious food, life style modifications to health enhancing life styles, being with nature, living naturally and not artificially....and through true, right and positive philosophies of life.

3. Never listen to your body or heart or mind when you are not in the Zero state...when you are in NEED or states of DESIRE.

4. We only know our life situation, all the variables and their weightages related to the issue. Other person will not know. Other genuine person or confidant can only help you to reach the zero state so that you can take decisions, decide your destiny and be responsible for the pros and cons of your decision, without any regrets and guilt.

Peacefully yours....Rams....Psychologist!!

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"sir, how to distinguish between animal life and human life?"

 One Question....One Answer....

"sir, how to distinguish between animal life and human life?"

Ans:

Animals have got a body. They are less evolved. So, they live with their basic instincts centered around their body. For e.g a Leopard does not know it is a Leopard. It does not know that it is living inside IIM Kashipur. It does not know the date, year, country, politics, climates, geographical location and anything about the world, universe etc. etc. It just gets up in the morning. Plays. Goes for hunting when it feels hungry. Eats. Sleeps. Mates. Reproduces. Grows and grooms the children for finding their prey and safe guarding themselves from the dangers. It has no dreams, plans, goals, passion, aims, status, comparisons, wealth or money making plans, relationships etc. They live a simple life. Because they don't have sixth sense and the mind formed out of it.

We cannot live the same life now, as we have lost the adaptability skills of living in forests, jungles and mountains, along with other animals, without any home and other comforts we have now.

Another thing is we have a evolved brain and the mind formed out of it. So, out identity can not be body and body-needs based thoughts (cognition), emotions (affect) and behaviours. Yes, we have a body, and therefore, the body based issues and desires will remain. So, reproduction and rearing based thoughts, emotions, behaviours, life style, phase of life will remain. But that can not be in the fore front and should not become the first identity of life and living. That should not occupy the brain and mind all the time. This mix of evolved brain with mind, and living like animals with body as the main centre and focus, will not lead to a peaceful, happy and healthy life and relationships. So, let it be there, on the periphery, not as a vital, but an important domain or part of life and living.

Now comes the actual difference...

As we are evolved species, as we have a complex brain and developed mind with sixth sense, our identity, or image at the fore front should be....

1. Our Personality traits, our constitution of life which comprise of beliefs, faiths, philosophies, maturity and human qualities that define ''who we are'.

2. Our knowledge, experience in life education profession and other domains, skill sets, application mind, wisdom acquired, passions, goals, dreams etc. related to again knowledge and wisdom and not to the body. These define 'what we are'.

So, keep the brain, mind, human qualities...who you are and what you are in the front as your identity and image...In your relationships... Keep the body at the back!!! Keep the brain free from thoughts related to desires of the body so that it has enough free life time to think about (1) and (2) above which create your real human identity, human life and meaning for contentment and fulfillment.

Hope it answers the question.

Peacefully yours... Rams...Psychologist!!!

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In a gated community of 30 families only one is tested corona positive...he is the only one who offers pooja to god every day!!

 Dear all...

I came to know recently that in a gated community of nearly 30 families one person who is very pious went to near by temple everyday and offered pooja to god. He has been the only person who went to that temple and he is the only one who has been tested covid positive in the entire gated community.

We also see that most of the people who are going to temples have all kinds of lifestyle diseases in their body. If we ask these people they will attribute their life style diseases to their heredity endowment and chemicals being used in agriculture and food industry. What initiatives they have taken to avoid this? There will be no answer.

This does not mean that going to temples to worship god is not good. It only means that totally leaving everything to god or total surrender to god and we living a sedentary or unhealthy lifestyle will not help to save ourselves. Only when we live healthy, god also will support us.

There are people who argue as to 'How going to temple is related to diseases in the body?'. We have such people also.

So, let us take care of ourselves so that going to temples is useful!!

Peacefully yours...Rams...Psychologist!!

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'Sir, i like the horror movies and crime thriller movies very much....'

Dear all....THIS IS A VERY IMPORTANT POST FOR ALL THOSE WHO LIKE HORROR MOVIES AND CRIME THRILLERS...

I recently came across a person. While talking, the person expressed that he likes horror movies and crime thrillers very much. The individual said he does not get scared by watching all the ghost movies. Instead, he sits on the edge of the sofa and enjoys the movies with lots of curiosity and interest.

Few of the negative things do give pleasure for those who are not mentally or physically healthy (or both)...or it can also be said that those who derive pleasure out of the negatives have some issues with the health of their body and mind. Obviously they will have issues in their relationships with others. There will be manifestations of the impact of these negative entertainments and pleasures in their behaviours, thoughts, emotions and how they talk, treat and show emotions to others i.e their overall personality!!

I asked him 'Do you get dreams during sleep?'

'Yes sir!'

'Do you get dreams involving horror, crime etc?'

'Yes sir!'

'Do you enjoy ghosts and such terrifying scenes in your dreams?'

'No sir!'

'Do you enjoy such dreams?'

'No sir. But i don't get such dreams the same day of watching the movies or subsequent days. But i do get horror dreams at times!!'

'Do you agree that this habit of watching such movies is a reason for getting such dreams?'

'May be, i don't know!'

'Do you get scared of these?...Do you wake up with sweating in the middle of the sleep and thereafter are you able to sleep well?....Does the dream affect your thoughts, emotions and behaviours on the day of the dream?'

'Yes...i do get scared. I wake up. But don't get sweating etc. Sometimes the sleep is good and sometimes disturbed after the dream. Yes, it does affect my day after the dream. Sometimes mildly and sometimes badly. I am scared of losing of my job, scared of boss shouting at me for being late or inadequate performance, scared of someone finding fault with me, scared of someone leaving from my relationships etc., during the day. The fear is sometimes more, sometimes less and sometimes moderate!'

'How are your emotions?...Do you get angry and frustrated fast with people and life situations and on things beyond your control?'

'Yes sir...i do have emotional tandrums...i get angry fast when people do not do what i like...and i hate people who do things which i don't like...and i feel angry, sad and frustrated when i am told to do something which i don't like!!'

'Do you get wild at that time in words and actions?...Do you show symptoms of sweating, dizzy, giddiness, panic or any other physiological symptoms?'

'Not always sir, but yes...i can say that i start shouting and throwing things sometimes!'

'Do you think that all these negatives are due to your habit of liking and watching horror movies and crime thrillers?'

'I don't know!'

'Ok. As you like and enjoy these movies i suggest you continuously watch these movies from morning to evening for one week. You think you will be the same person after one week?'

'No sir!'

'Do you think that these movies would have made any positive effect in your personality?...What do you think would have happened to your thoughts, emotions and behaviours?'

'Yes sir. I realise the issue now. They don't cause any positives. Possibility of negative changes in my personality is more. I agree. Thank you so much for this awakening talk. I know what i have to do now. Thanks a lot!!

The crux is...

If a person likes something negative...something that is injurious to the mind or body or his social relationships, then there is something wrong. It will affect the health and the personality.

Peacefully yours...Rams...Psychologist!!

'Sir, I have lots of confusions...are we animals?...Are we greedy animals?...How to live a peaceful life?"

Dear all.....A life based on body...it's needs, wants...desires...thoughts, emotions, behaviours and strategies to achieve them is animal life. A life based on global/universal knowledge, wisdom, acquiring of skills, growing in competencies and potential, maturing and evolving towards becoming an ideal human being is human life. Greed is 'everything is mine only!'. Greed is that which leads to spoiling the health. Athhanaikkum aasai padu...means not those related to animal life...aasai leads to growth...i.e LEARNING (not reading or acquiring degrees...'nirkka atharkku thaga' is Learning!!)...So human life has unlimited aasai to learn and learn to be an Ideal Human Being. That's how we are created. Life is a Journey of Learning!!...A journey to self actualise...self transcend...and reach that ideal state!!

Reduce the urges and cravings of the body through 'Total review of your Life Style or Living Style Management'. Or meet its needs in less time so that it does not take away more brain time, hours and energy. Once its needs are met then it does not disturb the brain for some time and during this time the human life can be lived.

Peacefully yours...Rams...Psychologist!!

'Sir, i don't want to get married because i am scared of people dumping me!'

Dear all...THIS IS FOR ALL STUDENTS AND OF COURSE, FOR PARENTS TOO...

Normally when people express their issues i just share the information. But this time i thought i will share the exact words of the person, with her approval, so that the seriousness and the impact is felt by the students and parents!!

In the above pic we can see how a girl is frustrated about relationships, marriage and in general about the traditional family life etc. One side the boys have destroyed her brain and mind and ruined her self concept, future life, feminity and her image about men!! On the other side the parents who are unaware about the mental state of their child are pressurising her for marriage (may be because of the compulsion of the marriage brokers and other people with vested interest in their community and relatives' circles and the nearby 'tv serial characters' type people around!!)

For all those boys reading this, such a situation can happen to your sisters too, and your future daughters too!!

Parents and boys having sisters need not get angry reading the above!!...It is a point to think. I don't know how many girls are like this in our cities, states and in the country. May be entire world too. It is time to sit and think!!

There may be many boys also who feel like the same!!

So, we have many boys and girls who want emotional relationship. But they are not ready to have one more, because of the failures they have experienced in their life!

Many parents also complain that their children are not interested in marriage and they give lame excuses. Many children decide not to have marriage for the fear of failure again. Many do not reveal as to what happened in their life to their parents because of fear, as these are too personal issues.

Parents think they know everything about their children, but sadly not!!...Children of these days are too smart and capable of hiding a 'universe of their personal and private life' a secret and unknown to their parents!!....

Parents are not good confidants for them. They can not listen to their children without any judgement and negative reaction. So, they fear telling the parents. The children are not able to discuss all these in detail with their friends too.

If parents can't listen patiently and support them, who else on earth can support?...Children feel lonely and commit suicide only when they feel that their parents don't listen to their issues, do not trust them, do not believe them, do not support them, do not help to solve their problems, issues and help to become strong and self confident.

Children should never feel that there is no one on this earth to support them or no one is there to whom they can discuss their issues of too private and personal in nature, and seek solutions.So, they die inside.

Love failure or break-up in relationships is a traumatic event in life which certainly affects the mental development and mental health of an adolescent/adult. Many avoid meeting their parents not to show their depressed face leading to suspicion by parents and to avoid their torture of marriage proposals. It takes lots of time to heal depending upon how emotionally deep was the relationship and how much was the damage in the brain. Of course, they come back to normal life with the new learning about life, resilience and belief systems!!


Many parents also think that if they are forced and married off, the wounds due to the break-up will heal with the new committed relationship, satiation of the needs, availability of an emotional relationship with a shoulder to heal the wounds and counselling by parents and others. They think that the children can see a new ray of hope in the horizon and oppurtunity of making a new family and happy home. Yes, possibility exists, provided the new guy is matured, a good companion and friend, a good human being with less needs, wants and expectations from her and a healer. So, probability is 50:50.


All parents blame only the present culture and the children. Sadly both are created by the parents and every one on this earth is either a parent or child or both. Blaming others or external factors does not help in anyway in protecting the children from such damages!!

Only solution is good parenting. Being responsible. Finding time, emotions and energy to teach, train and make them independent in all dimentions from 18 months of age onwards. Understanding that parenting is not an outlet of the emotions of parents, pampering, not a fun only or time pass or 'they will grow and become responsible on their own by default!'.

Children do not learn from preaching, but through observation of what parents do and the issues which they make the children to think about i.e children learn through observation and thinking and with these their brain makes their value systems, beliefs and life styles which become the basis of their future life!...

So, parents have no choice other than following a healthy life style of healthy cooking/eating, yoga, meditation, group family games in park and sports ground, picking up their studies for retaining their jobs and to be role models for their children.

Girl children are attached to their father and they follow him as their role model. Boys are attached to their mother and they pick up all the value systems and life styles from the mother. Of course, both parents heavily influence the value systems and life styles of their children.

Many parents blame that the society, culture and other children spoil their children. For every child, parents become the Gurus, Mentors, Guides and everything at least till the age of 12. Parents should be their best friends on earth with whom they can comfortably discuss anything under the sky without any discomfort and hesitation. If the parents follow the vedic life style at home as described above, it is unlikely that the children will get spoiled through the factors outside the home!

So, parents make up the life of their children, the culture and the future world!!

Every parent is a teacher by his/her deeds and every teacher is a parent!

So, our parents need to improve. Instead of shouting, controlling and threatening, they can be kind and patient, encouraging and supporting and use negative methods only momentarily to bring in the course correction i.e the desired change, in case positive methods do not help to bring in the change in behaviours. Once the children change, then they should use only positive methods of grooming and mentoring.

Many parents think 'I suffered a lot during my childhood. Let my children enjoy!'. This is not good parenting. Acquring of life skills, learning by experience, resilience, self confidence, ability to become independent and employable anywhere on earth happens only when the children are exposed to challenges under supervision and guidance.

So parents, let us change!!

Peacefully yours...Rams...Psychologist!!

Lock down is creating a hell for the lovers!!

Dear all...THIS IS FOR ALL LOVERS...

Lock-down has created the toughest times and hell for the lovers. They are not able to meet. They are not able to talk to each other in-front of parents. As almost all the loves all over the world are driven by nature for procreation, they are shouting against each other in messages due to unfulfilled needs, desires, wants, expectations and the frustration, anger and sadness which comes as a result.  The end result is break-up!!...Because the words spelt against the other person ...words of suspect...words that insult the person and family members...all these finally strains and breaks the relationship.

So, please engage in healthy life styles so that the needs from the other person is less and manageable...and you don't land up in loosing your person!!

You have only a body and a mind which only have the needs and wants. Keep both of them safe!!

Cold water baths, eating boiled vegetable food, no oil, no fried stuff, no junk food, yoga, meditation, engage in studies or any other activity which requires lots of professional thinking...like this there are many!!

All the best!!

Peacefully  yours...Rams...Psychologist!!

Sir, you oldies have enjoyed the life and telling us youngsters…Control…Control…Control…Is it fair?

Dear all…THIS IS FOR STUDENTS….

One question….One answer…

Qn. Sir, you oldies have enjoyed the life and telling us  youngsters…Control…Control…Control…Is it fair?

Ans: As population increases, resources will only become scarce, we will have to pay for everything in a capitalist economy, and the prices will only go up. So, cost of living every single day on this earth will only become dearer day by day. So, no one can live the way our parents or grandparents have lived. Every boy has to earn for him and his family by 20 years of age. With the financial burden increasing due to high prices and costly education of children, every boy will marry only a working girl, and so, girls also have to get their job to get married in a marriage centric culture here. Therefore, one cannot depend on parental or ancestral property income for day to day living. Society respects only those who earn their living by themselves through decent and respectable job. Girls also marry such boys only. One cannot live away from society if he is dependent on others’ income for him and his family. We get feeling of acceptance, the very basic need for good mental health, from people around us…i.e family, relatives and society.  In the absence of feeling of acceptance, we will get only feeling of rejection leading to depression, addictive behaviours, personality disorders and other such mental health issues. You should feel ashamed if you cannot make yourself employable after 20 years of education!!...Therefore, you have to get a job when you finish your college study at 20 or 21.

            As population increases, competition will only increase for everything. So, one needs to be competitive in schools, colleges and in jobs. So, you need more time to study and improve the employability skills, to be different and one-up than others. If you spend your precious time running behind pleasures then how can you study well and get a job to earn your living?...film heroes earn crores to run behind females in movies!!...Do you get?

            All the achievers on earth have handled their body needs in a way they can find more time for knowledge and skill development and kept their body and mind stress free to focus on their goals. All those who spent their school and college time on pleasures, and did not improve their employability have been suffering for entire life.  Look at the lives of who fell in love, got married and produced children before becoming employable, especially those without parental support for money. Money is not everything but it is almost everything. If you have to become winner, you have to first win your body!

            Animals can live with multiple partners because they don’t have mind and so the element of peace is not there. We have mind, a complex mind, which needs to be peaceful for good mental health. It can’t be peaceful with multiple partners due to its possessiveness. It becomes weak with multiple partners. So, emotional weakness leads to cascading troubles in life. So, all such people will have no peace and their body will get diseases due to unhealthy life style and mental disorders due to unnatural living, because humans have sixth sense, unlike animals, which they are supposed to use to surmount all these issues of their body and mind.

            Control means resisting after creating the arousal, urges and cravings for solids, liquids, gases and other body needs. This is a stressful situation. So, regulating the body desires through healthy life style is the solution.

            If you want to be an achiever and a global student, employee or researcher then you can’t be slave of your body, and have to win over your body and its pleasure needs to win in life!

            Your parents, your teachers and the prospective family girls, all expect the same from you…You need to be employable and get a job when you leave the college!!

            So, choice is yours!!...You want to live like a human being with chest up and chin up for entire life or die every moment with shame by being dependent on others!!

            You decide!!

Peacefully yours…Rams…Psychologist!!