'learning and habituating our life skills' is more important than academic education!

hai guys...listen to this...interesting and important to know...

a boy...goody goody boy...likes his mom, her cooking and every thing very much...mom also is a goody goody mom...pampering her child a lot...though she has three sons...

she motivated the boy to study well with all her support and he also scored 199 cut off for both engg and medicine...he got admissions in all the best medical and engg colleges of tamil nadu...

his mom wanted him to be a doctor and admitted him in the best medical college in TN...he could not stay in hostel as he did not like the food there...so complained...all counseling efforts of mom went futile

she changed over to another best medical college in the next big city in TN, where she thought he might like the food...after two months he told her the same issue...she counseled, but he said 'take me out or i will suicide'...

so, he was taken to home...all admissions over everywhere and nothing could be done other than keeping him at home for an year. Next year with the same cut off he was put in an engg college at home town and he grew eating mom's cooking...did well and got placement at TCS...he said 'No, IT job!'...mom again got worried. No core job he could get.

so, they paid a huge sum as capitation and admitted him for MBA, again in a different city. Again food problem. This time mom decided to take a hired house and live with him giving her hand cooked food.

Do you think this guy will survive anywhere?

He might become an MBA and what not, but 'f' all manager he will become!

What is the wrong in his grooming?

Most of our indian mothers, especially TN mothers are like this, too much of attachment and pampering.

Does this happen in US culture?

Which culture is good with respect to this issue?

How to correct ourselves?

Let us remain detached while being attached and remain attached while being detached!

of course, there are many students who even go abroad, live along or live with all country men, religions, multicultural environments etc...even at a young age of 10 or 17...

but there are many such above cases too...mostly all students have adaptability problems as they have lived cozy under the wings of the parents...some adjust...some do not!

rams

Will you ever think about having a high IQ husband or wife?

Hai all...how are we?

Thank you for all those who like and share my posts...and thank you for those who read and move on...

we all want our children to possess high IQ and we put in all efforts towards that...

we want them to study and work at the world's best of the institutions and organisations

Here is an interesting information about highly intelligent people...high IQ guys...

You look at or analyse the life most of these high IQ guys...IITians, IIMians, stanfordians, caltechians, mitians, successful politicians, bureaucrats, scientists, economists etc...their ‘emotional relationships’ like love life, married life or family life with wife and children, parents and siblings would be a ‘screwed up’ or messed up life.

Their friendships where emotions are involved also will be so so only.

This is because when IQ is high, the EQ goes low. This is how nature has generally been producing the organisms. This has been proven statistically. Theoretical and experimental proofs also may be there.

So, if our IQ is very high then we need to consciously put in efforts to improve the EQ.

It does not come by being pious or going to temples or chanting mantras or performing rituals.

It can be improved by applying appropriate interventions and by improving the spiritual quotient (SQ)...ie the ability to perceive things positively, to take everything cool, keep the mind calm, cool, quiet and peaceful...

If some of the high IQ guys have been successful, it is because of their life style designed by them or by their parents with high EQ and SQ forming behaviours...Yoga, meditation, satvic food, moral value classes, spiritual speeches, lessons, association with spiritual organisations / forums, associating with nature, understanding that the life is combination of everything etc.

If high IQ guys are not successful then it may because of their high ego and low EQ and SQ which strains their relationships with others or stresses them heavily that their high IQ is unable to perform.

If our children are having high IQ then we need to take measures to improve their EQ and SQ through proper life style changes, coaching, counselling, etc.

If your lover or would be husband or wife is a high IQ guy or girl, you now know how much will be his or her EQ and how you should manage by containing their emotional imbalances. Understanding this will help you not to lose your cool on him or her.

Now, are you ready to marry a high IQ guy or girl. Yes, please rush to your parents to tell that what or which type you want...high IQ or Low IQ or with high IQ and high EQ.

If your would be husband or wife is a scientist, then it is worth reading my post in my blog on ‘Is your would be a scientist?’

If you have been experiencing low EQ states, or you feel your EQ is likely to be low, you can be happy that your IQ probably is high (winking)!!!...but need not be also. Anyway, the converse of the theory above is not true...i.e all high EQ guys have low IQ.

Those who have average IQ will have an average EQ. Thank god, i am in this category! (laughing)...less problems in life...less issues for solving!

Can you imagine a guy or a girl of high IQ low EQ marrying a guy or girl of same type...they will have ego clashes...this will be fueled by their low EQ...so, should they marry?

both boy and girl marrying should have emotional and intellectual compatibility...or else, there is a likely hood of extramarital affairs or dissatisfaction or disconnection at emotional or intellectual levels between the two...or divorce...depending upon how seriously they take the incompatibilities or how much initiative they take to resolve the issue...
We match horoscopes...may be they bring out these personality traits too for matching...who knows?...but if we use psychological methods of measuring these abstract concepts, probably we will be able to arrive at conclusions little scientifically with validation.

If one has low IQ then his or her EQ may be better. Then, only IQ needs to be increased to the level of EQ or after reaching equality, both can be increased together. If the IQ is high, then the EQ may be required to be increased to match the IQ and then both can be increased together.

Both IQ and EQ can be increased through proper methods. Thank god!!!

So, what shall we do now? (don't tell me right now i am scratching my balls!)

keep rocking!

rams

why nature screwed up our lives with sixth sense and strong memory??????

Oh god, why this sixth sense and strong memory????

Hai all...

If we look around us, we have ANIMALS and HUMAN BEINGS.

When animals look at anything they get two things in their mind...
1. Is it my food?...
2. Is it a threat to me?...
because the basic instincts are search and eat food, reproduce, protect from enemies.

It’s memory is small, restricted and short lived with respect to everything including RELATIONSHIPS. So, they forget their relationships. Mother forgets the kid. It remembers only till the kid becomes independent.

Whereas a human being when he or she sees someone or something or someplace, many things come in the mind, including the above two questions, as we are also animals. But our brain is an evolved one, advanced one with sixth sense. So, it starts thinking about ‘cause and effect’ relationships. That is...why, how, why not, when, what, what are the causes, what are the effects etc.

The human memory is very large, complicated and long lived most importantly with respect to PEOPLE and RELATIONSHIPS.

These are the two things which give us all problems in life....

1. sixth sense making us to think ‘cause and effect’ relationships even without we consciously thinking about some thing...without our knowledge...while we do something...

2. Memory of people, places, life events, things, animals and relationships.

On earth, everyone is a scientist!...specially our Indians. 


When our eyes and ears are ‘on’, all senses are ‘on’, without our knowledge the inputs go to brain and it processes for ‘cause and effect’ relationships.

For e.g the old granny at home will be just sitting in front of the house...no conscious thought process...her eyes will see the opposite house lady entering the adjacent bachelor’s house. That is all. Her senses wake up and the brain starts processing. WHY did she go? WHAT is her intention? WHAT is the relationship between the two?.

You know what will happen to this. She will spread this news, speculate many things, sit every day and watch for the latest update and her life goes on.

Like this our brain keeps processing all the inputs for the ‘cause and effect’ relationships and produces related EMOTIONS (e.g granny gets angry at that girl) and related BEHAVIOURS (e.g she spreads the news, alerts the girl’s parents and neighbours etc).

If our senses and PERCEPTIONS are positive (e.g if the granny thinks ‘the girl has gone in the presence of her parents, she is not hiding, she is a good girl and the boy is also good, they are good friends only’ then the perceptions are positive) then the resultant EMOTIONS and BEHAVIOURS also are positive, constructive, giving peace, happiness, good physical health, mental health and social health.

Positive perceptions and happiness do not come on their own. Our culture, people around us have taught mostly negative perceptions only. So, we tend to form negative opinions, emotions and decisions. We have to train our brain with spirituality and good virtues to perceive all the life events positively. It is a conscious effort. It has to come from childhood.

So, we need to learn ourselves this and thereafter to teach to our children.

Similarly the strong and large memory makes us to remember anything and everything and gives us sadness, bad health and does not allow us to progress in life. For e.g we remember those who cheated us, our close relationships (when they go away or die we get affected)...we have both pleasant and unpleasant memories. Pleasant ones give happiness and are good for health. Unpleasant ones are bad for health and bring sadness.

When we train ourselves for positive perceptions, the memories also are positive and they always give us happiness and good health.

But from morning to night, we look at people and life events negatively. Just try to recollect how many positive things you thought about people whom you looked at today and the life events you experienced?

We don’t forget people, the good things we enjoyed with them, the bad things we perceived or experienced...hmmm...we need to change a lottttt!
we need to forget many, forgive many, delete many life events of the past...

So, when we go to temple next time let us not ask god for wealth. Let us ask for good health (physical, mental and social), positive perceptions, positive memories and ability to forget bad memories about people and relationships and even the bad relationships we formed.

How to do it?...1. type ‘positive psychology’ in google and read 2. Ask some psychologist for the methods 3. Read my posts in Face book or my blog.

rams

how to groom our children...good boys???? good girls?????...NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!

Hai all...how are we?

You ask any of our mothers in india, specially Tamil nadu...`How you want to groom your child?’...she will say ‘Nalla paiyana valarthanum!’ (meaning ‘i want to groom my child to be a GOOD CHILD’)...

you ask what is the meaning of good child...she will say ‘without any bad habits’. You ask ‘what are bad habits?’, she will say ‘no smoking, no ‘drinking’, no bad relationships’ and such other things.

When we are in match making for marriage of our children, if you ask the other party they will say ‘yenga paiyanai nalla pullaya valarthirukkom’ (meaning we have groomed our child to be a ‘good’ boy (girl))...

this means mostly likely he or she is a RIGID PERSON.

Parents teach them to be more orderly, more strict with their own selves, not to compromise with, be highly disciplined with respect to eating, dressing, personal habits, daily routines, hobbies, entertainment, internet habits, social networking, friendships etc.

There is nothing wrong in this. But the problem is the children become HIGHLY RIGID and are not able to cope up with the following:-

1. Hostel living

2. Group or team activities

3. Adjusting with the spouse in married life

4. Unable to adjust with people (bosses, peers and subordinates), organisational culture, functional needs in working environments

5. Unable to cope up with different climates, seasons, dressing and eating needs, social needs, varied cultures etc when they are required to go to different countries in the world on deputation from their organisations

6. Undergo heavy stress while adapting to people, places, organisations, communities, religions, cultures. End result is they are unable to eat, unable to adapt to the environment, do not get sleep, unable to perform (study or work), fall sick, fight with people, loose peace and finally give up. Some leave the job and come back home. Some survive but after lots of heart burns, struggles to cope up with the demands of life and work, screwing up their friendships and other relationships, health and happiness. Very few are easily able to ADAPT TO ALL VARIABLES IN LIFE.

Most of the marriages fail these days not because the guy is drunkard or chain smoker. It is not that only bad boys or girls break their marriages. Mostly it is THESE GOOD BOYS OR GIRLS break their marriages because of their RIGIDITY and UNADAPTABLE NATURE. They don’t want to adapt. Don’t want to discuss ways out. Expect only the other person to change and adapt. No one is flexible. They are highly ‘negatively emotional’. Nothing wrong in being highly ambitious. But they lack calmness, peace and happiness. They may be pious, god fearing, go to temples etc. But they are not spiritual. They don’t know how to live in harmony with their own selves and with others. They try to seek peace and happiness by controlling, expecting, demanding, ordering others.

So, what is to be done?

We need to tell to our own self and to our kids ‘Kanna, today the world and life are different. Personal life, family life, social life and organisational life...all are highly demanding. You need to study a lot. Travel a lot. Be with different kind of people, religions, cultures, cold and hot climates and so eat and dress differently, spend less time on cooking, house chores, washing, cleaning and other personal routines. You need to find more time to be with your work, studies, wife, children, friends, peers, bosses, subordinates. You need to be creative which needs calm mind, peace, happiness. You can’t remain in stress and be creative. Not possible. So, your daily routines, own personal needs and relationships with your people should not be stressful. You need to devise and organise all these not only in a stress free manner but FULL OF FUN and COOL’.

Now how to do this?

1. Teach them to cook whatever they want within the resources available at Russia or Africa or Chinese village or suburbs of London in less time.

2. Make them to be eating balanced diet with whatever is available in Siberia and be happy and healthy.

3. Take them to be temples. No issues. But let them not get habituated and feel miserable if they can’t go to temples as temples may not be nearby and reachable in affordable time, energy and resources wherever we are.

4. Teach them what true spirituality is. Being flexible and adaptable with people, places, religions, cultures, varied beliefs, not getting emotionally attached to gods, beliefs, languages, relationships, people, foods etc, accepting all people as they are.

5. Teach yoga methods like asanas, meditation and make it a culture at home done by all like brushing and other chores. Teach also how to do all these while flying, working, studying, while being at Siberia and sahara. Also teach them how to be at peace, happy and harmony if they are unable to do these or do them partially.

6. Make them travel a lot in India and abroad. Travel and exposures teach them many intangible things which cannot be quantified.

7. Teach them how to take decisions under varied life situations from the age of 4 onwards. Ask them lots of questions. Make them to think. If they are unable to find solutions, AID them to go towards the solutions and not HELP them by giving solutions. Every person is different. Their environments will be different at different times. So, solutions for the same problem will be different at different times. There is no standard solution for any problem at all times. So, one has to apply not the knowledge but wisdom at every life situation and take appropriate decision suitable. (knowing the taste of salt is knowledge and understanding that it should not be mixed while making sweets is wisdom). It is not possible for parents to be there with children at all times from birth to death. It is not possible to guide children as we ourselves are not knowledgeable enough in all worldly opportunities, issues and situations. We cannot expect anyone to be there with them throughout life. They have to meet their threats, challenges, opportunities, life situations etc and take appropriate decisions suitable at that time.

8. So, they should know how to take decisions by taking all factors, weighing each factor, considering all stake holders etc. It could be any life event from ‘how to dress to an occasion?’ to ‘whether dating is right?’ to ‘how to choose a career or life mate?’

9. Don’t be behind them saying ‘get up and study’, ‘don’t waste time’, ‘you have to join IIT’, ‘You have to study abroad’. Take them to great educational institutions for a walk around without prior intimation. Take them to nearby or far away organisations e.g post offices, banks, workshops etc and make them ask questions to people there and learn. Create opportunities to meet great achievers in life. Groom them to be extroverts. Create their friends who are ambitious but also spiritual. Be an example by taking books and studying yourself. Make the house EDUCATION and FUN centric.

10. Teach them to attach more to nature, animals and environments for happiness, peace and solace.

11. Teach them ‘LEARN EVERYTHING, LISTEN TO ALL, and MAKE YOUR OWN LIFE’.

12. Don’t make them to form too many mental structures and beliefs as they lead to superstitions, rigidity and ‘tight ropes’ around to suffocate them.

13. Teach them to keep some art form as part of their every day life.

14. If your house is a flat, keep some plants, some animals (dogs, aquarium, birds) at home.

15. Most importantly, we need to remember that a kid needs a MOTHER only till 10 (before 10, they are always behind the mother or father like a puppy all the time...after 10, they will come to mom only when they feel hungry for food or emotional support of hugs, kisses, motivating words...after their need is over when they go, if you call them they will turn back and give a look 'i remember having seen you some where!'...like a cat does if you call it when it goes back from its bows after drinking the milk...so, till 10 PUPPY behaviour...after 10 PUSSY behaviour)...so, after 10 they DON'T WANT A MOTHER, BUT WANT A FRIEND...FRIEND AND ONLY A FRIEND...a friendship has a mother in it but an indian mother ship does not have a friendship in it...that is why all the problems we face with kids after 10 for next two decades!!.

Though there are much more, i think this would reasonably help an individual to develop in to a good and adaptable personality while growing.

bye...

keep rocking!

rams

whom to follow...what to follow...which holy book to read???????????????????????

hai all...

there are soooo many holy books around us...kuran, bible, bhagvat geeta and so many in the world...

there are so many epics like ramayan, mahabharat to follow in life...

our parents teach us so many things about life, living, value systems, attitudes etc

our text books and teachers also teach us so many things about all these...

there is no dearth of gurujis in the world...so many of them...they all tell so many things about life and living in the name of spirituality.

there are so many gods through out our country and the world (in tamil nadu, there are as many gods as there are number of four / three wheelers in tamil nadu...every vehicle has some name of a god e.g 'kaadaiyeeswari thunai' 'kudaluruvi amman thunai'...all peculiar gods!)

Now, which holi book to read and follow?...which guru, which god, which epic, which teacher, Parent?, to follow in life?

My opinion is either we don't read any holy book or epic, not follow any guru or god or temple or parent or teacher...and design our own destiny, life, living and become a 'designer human being' depending on the place, culture, people, climate, resources around.

(or)

read all holy and epic books, listen to all gurujis, go to all religious places like temples, churches, mosques, listen to all gods and prophets...finally form your own 'book or constitution of life' and live as per that. (option 2)

when we get attached to one religion only, and read only that holy book and follow only that guru or prophet or god, we tend to become rigid, unadaptable, emotionally attached...this can ruin our family life, social life, friendships, bring hate towards other religions, people, holy books, gurus etc...also we might miss the good things in other religion, holy books, gurus, religious place, people etc...

by following option two, we will get the best out of everything available, the life we make out of all these will be best, peaceful, happy, highly spiritual as we become 'round' in wisdom, enlightened and highly adaptable to all places and people.

So, let us not restrict, cage ourselves, tie ourselves tightly, put ourselves in emotional bottles and live a suffocating life!...let us expand ourselves, have a broad notion about life, people, cultures, places etc.

so, the philosophy is READ EVERYTHING, LISTEN TO EVERYONE (hihihi...including rams! (smile)) AND FORM YOUR OWN!




now some comments....


"Wonderful idea though not new, Akbar also tried( Not the one one on TV serial, that is ridiculous of history distortion) , Gandhi preached it too, Indian army has got combined worshiping place at many places. Problem is our bringing up, our society, we have tied ourselves so hard that we consider these knots are part of our soul( forget body). So how do we recover? These are the issue which has to start at national level beyond politics, because when you start this today it will take at least two generation to take effect. Meanwhile gentle reminder and effort by people like you are laudable . Thanks"


"thank you sir, i feel 'parents' and 'children' are the people to be addressed...there is no point in looking at politicians or administrators or swamijis for the change...so, what ever comes to my mind when i look at people around, i type it here...so that the 'parents' and 'children' do the needful...that is all sir...so, hope our children, the future parents, do the needful!...may be still we also can play our roles in grooming our grand children! (smile)"
  
"Very difficult proposition to think that only parents will change. Keep trying . Amen"

• 
  

  Manickarajan Ramasubramanian sir, the philosophy is 'every one on this earth is either a 'child' or a 'parent'!...so focusing the arrows on these two people will bring in change, i hope!

   

  
  
• 
  

  good discussion by Arunji and rams. Having a scientific un-biased inquiring mind is the first and foremost thing to be inculcated. Once children are taught to inquire for themselves and make up their own mind, then they may not fall prey to 'false' gurujis or 'fake' or 'pseudo' teachings and concepts promoted by anyone in any field. There is so much psuedo knowledge everywhere - just not in religion. Once this kind of inquiring sharp intellect and mind is developed, then people, according to their tastes and inclination, can choose whatever they want with an open mind. Blindly following anything is dangerous including religion. I am inclined to both scientific knowledge as well as spiritual knowledge. I don't distinguish between the two. However I also don't follow everything I read or hear. I make my own path with knowledge and concepts that make sense to me and sound authentic to me. This way one can keep learning and growing throughout their lives. I like rams last line, 'read everything, listen to everyone and form your own'. Life cannot be compartmentalized. So we can choose all kinds of subjects that appeals to us (both science and holy books if you like them) and an open unbiased mind for our growth.

   

  keep rocking guys...

   

  rams

how we become rigid by attaching ourselves to the 'first' fantasies we come across in life!

hai guys!

what is knowledge?...knowing that salt has its unique taste. What is wisdom?...knowing that we should not mix it with sweets.

when we read something, we tend to form 'bed rock' mental structures or other mental short cuts...'this is like this only! It can't be other way!'...we are convinced about it...

this makes us rigid...makes us to argue with others...as we close our mind with just one concept of something...one definition of something...

whenever we read something, we associate that with our past knowledge or wisdom or mental structure that is stored in the brain...then we form opinions...whether it is right or wrong...if it matches, then we feel it is right...if it does not match, then we feel it is wrong...and vehemently oppose it...because we are 'emotionally attached' with out belief...e.g if we are convinced that 'god exists' then we oppose anything that is different from this. We are unable to accept anything different than this.

this is wrong as it closes our brain, stops growth and we will not learn anything new or correct.

that is why we should not learn only one side of any issue or follow only one religion or read only one holy book or listen to only one guru etc.

this is what people call it as 'when we read more, we lose our common sense'...I differ with this...when we read less, we lose our common sense...and we get locked on to that 'one or two' we have read...when we read more and all the sides of an issue, we become more knowledgeable and analyse with our common sense too...

we need to read, listen and think more...be open to wisdom, ideas, concepts etc...

otherwise we might become lonely walking coffins!
 

at a young age i.e before 25 years of age, the first girl, the first love, the first holy book, the first religion, the first guru, the first swamiji, the first place which gave pleasant memories, the first dog, the first cat, the first motivator...the list is endless...all these 'firsts' which gave us happiness, peace, a path to progress attract us and we get locked on to this 'hard', leading to rigidity...we think 'this' or 'he' or 'it' is the best and nothing else can be better than this. e.g a 14 year old boy when he looks at the fame and richness of a super star, he gets locked on to him and wants to become like that...many students have got motivated and attracted towards the Abdul kalam way...the right thing is 'we need to know everything...listen to all...parents have to show all the possible ways of working and living...all courses...all types of careers...pluses and minuses...and then one has to be selected...they might get confused...but we, as parents should measure the skills and weigh his interests (which changes) and accordingly guide him...other wise this 'model'ing (choosing a role model in life) behaviour and fantasy choices may not put him in the right track...scientists say till the age of 40, all decisions we make in life regarding selection of guru, career, 'life plan' etc are all out of fantasy choices and the 'reality choice' happens only after 40...

 

now some comments from people... 

 

"Perfect Subbu, well written. Are we looking into Swami Subbu or Manickarajan Ramasubramanian of future? Why not teaching or imparting lesson is such an important thing in life."

 

 now it is me....

 

 "thank you so much sir! about 23 years ago, when we both served in the same organisation, you were near the top in the hierarchy and i was the junior most officer...so, when such a senior officer or a senior person in life says such encouraging words, i feel happy and motivated sir. As i said earlier, i just type what ever comes to my mind when i look at people, the way they live, their concept of life and the way societies are evolving...that is all sir...it does not matter to me whether the readers agree or don't agree...but i am sure they will ponder over the issue and it will result in some change in them to the betterment...i am told by a professor that these posts are discussed amongst them and with students...so, some one will benefit somewhere! (smile)"

  

"Age is just a number, knowledge and enlightenment is what matters, learning is a continuos process and one must learn from anyone and everyone who is capable to pass on something good. I take it even simpler than that, if I want to learn how to pluck a coconut and chop it to drink its water or enjoy the inner core , who can be best teacher than a most likely so called uneducated person who has been doing this job for ages or generations ? Keep penning."

 

bye guys...keep rocking

 

rams

• 
  
• 
  

why old age homes are on the increase?...where do the parents miss in grooming their children?

hai all...there was a news item i read in one of the news papers...

a father has written to his friend saying his sons at US and Ausi are not visiting him and requested his friend to tell them to visit india to see the parents. That friend has promptly forwarded the mail to the sons. One did not respond.

One has responded saying 'i don't have any feeling towards them except that they are my parents. I can't talk to them for more than 5 mts and there is nothing to talk them and there is no frequency match. They only made both of us to go to school, tuitions and read, read and read. Nothing more than that. I don't remember any emotional life event with them. Also i don't feel anything with that city i lived, as it has not given any pleasant memory to make me visit again'.

The friend promptly forwarded this also to the father.

What do you think that father must have done?

Understand father got angry and did not make any communication about his boys thereafter.

When i read this following things came to my mind....

1. This is what happens when we are 'all the time' responsibility centric, never enjoy the process of living every moment, we forget that 'we can enjoy too while being responsible'...and worried only about future.

2. the parents have done their responsibility. Of being born here, producing children (nature has made the body for that), rearing them, making them to live on their own, economically rich with affordability to anything on earth. But they have not taught them how to live happily, peacefully, enjoy the nature around them, enjoy the relationships with people, nature, animals and non living.

3. They have done their duty. They should be happy about that. But the problem is they are expecting that they should live with them. Why not these people go and live with them?...if they can not go, they are accustomed to their surroundings and people, then they should accept the reality and live peacefully.

4. the traditional concept of 'boys have to 'be with' the parents and look after them' holds good only in an agrarian society where all lived together, worked together in farm lands and died there only. In an industrial society it is not possible. Parents should be flexible to go and live 'with them' or 'near them' without expecting, controlling, dictating, ordering to the youngsters. They should have reared their children to live confidently and if that they are convinced with, then they should enjoy living separately while enjoying the presence of their children and grandchildren around them at distance or somewhere through physical presence or internet or telephones etc.

5. These parents seem to have not developed relationships outside their family...which is again wrong. It is important to attach ourselves with people and community of matching interests so that our life goes jinga la la after the nest becomes empty when the children birds fly away.

so, there is no doubt that children need to look after their parents and grand parents when they grow old. But the elderly adults also should be matured enough to allow the youngsters to live their own life, discuss with them in matured, polite, wisdom filled manner with calm, peace and happiness in the discussion, and without arguing with them. I am sure the youngsters will listen and understand the wisdom of elders, while the elders understand the changes in the societies, way of living, concept of life etc.  

So, the 'old age homes' have increased not because of the children, as they would always like to have their parents and grand parents with them, it is because of the rigidity and old, bossing style of parentship or grandparent ship they advocate that has made them to get locked up in old age homes. The culture, the tv serials, the type of suffocating 'daughter in law and mother in law' relationship we have nurtured over the years...all are reasons for the increasing old age homes!!

so, let us...

1. enjoy our life while being responsible to children and teach them also 'how to enjoy life every moment while they are responsible towards parents, reading, teachers etc'

2. attach ourselves to more and more positive and like minded people and communities, nature, animals and non living.

3. teach our children how to be happy and peaceful while being responsible...not by words, but by deeds.

4. let us make them to feel 'my parents are the best people on earth to me who taught me happiness, knowledge, wisdom, decision making, adaptability, how to love nature, people, non living, concept of life, way of living and i can't think of my life with out them...they are everything for me!'

5. come out of the traditional mentality that 'boys have to only look after the parents', 'boys have to lit the pyre so that we go to heaven' etc. Let us first make our living place on earth and life heaven, then we think about the unknown heaven after death.

6. let us learn to remain attached while being detached and remain to be detached while being attached.

now the comment from some friend....

hmmm! I agree we cannot burden our children (both boys and girls) with the responsibility of taking care of parents. Children already have lot of responsibilities like making a life for themselves, a career for themselves, raising a family and contributing to society etc. It will be wonderful if parents can take care of themselves both mentally and physically as much as possible. Mentally they can remain alert by their intellectual pursuits. Physically they can go for walks, eat healthy and do yoga etc. to keep themselves fit. Thus if parents develop interests and hobbies and contacts outside of the family, it will help them to lead an interesting life even after the children grow up and leave the house. Here in US, children leave the home after 12th grade. So they only get to spend 17 to 18 years of their lives with their parents which is nothing compared to their entire life span! After they go off to college (where they live in college dorms), they are only visitors to their parents house and then parents become just friends to their children! Even though this sounds harsh, this is the best for both parents and children - as all are free to pursue whatever they want to pursue in their lives. Of course, children and parents can meet as often as they want and take vacations together and spend good time together depending on their situation and their needs. When children are raised with lot of love, they always show up and make themselves available when parents need them.

ok guys...keep rocking

rams
 

why students feel sleepy at home and hostels?

hai all...

we, as students feel too sleepy at times...here are some reasons and avoiding methods....

1.check your Hb...blood test....the hemoglobin may be less...some time back i told you eat one dates in the morning and one in the night...are you eating that...looking at your body i can make out that your Hb is likely to be low...Hb should be between 12 to 14...if it is less then cells will not get adequate nutrition, so organs will not function at optimum efficiency, especially brain...so, when it gets less nutrition it will put you to sleep...

so, eat lots of green leaf vegetables like keerai, cabbage, etc (when at home), at hostel eat dates or any other dry fruit...like dry grapes...

normally we eat hostel food where vegetables and fruits are less which are protective food. So, supplement that with buying from outside.

there are so many less costly fruits like papaya, banana (anti depressent), nellikka, lemon, saathhukkudi (mosambi or sweet lime)...you can buy and eat these...

2. take bath in cold water...if you take bath in hot water you will feel sleepy and horny.

3. check if you feel more sleepy during menstrual cycles (first 10 days) or ovulation times (next 10 days) or post ovulation period (next 10 days)...this will give you a clue as to why you feel sleepy...

during menstrual cycles go for a evening slow walk...in a natural setting...where trees, birds are there...play soothing songs...keep yourself happy...

during ovulation times, take as many cold baths as possible...during day time and night time...during these times you might feel horny or anxiety or 'para para nnu irukkarathu' i.e feeling unstable but don't know the reason 'why?'....during such times sit idle...in a calm, breezy place...preferably in padmasana position (legs one over the other...see google pic)...take 10 deep breathes...you will calm down, sleep will go and will be able to concentrate on studies...

4. sedentary life styles also can cause sleepy feeling through out the day....i.e no exercise, missing meals, late meals, junk food etc. As i told you earlier, go for atleast 20 mts brisk walk (45 mts best) during any time of the day convenient to you...or just walk in your hostel room or corridor...or just do the exercises we learnt in school in your hostel room...for 15 mts...

5. check if your room where you are studying or sleeping in the night has ventilation...fresh air should come in and go out...cross ventilation....mostly our rooms remain closed and filled with our own carbondioxide...so, less oxygen to our body leads to sleep....also less lighting can put you to sleep (tiring of eyes)

6. when ever you feel sleepy take few deep breaths or get up and walk for few minutes...

so, right Hb levels, frequent cold water baths in a day, deep long breathes, walks when ever feeling sleepy, balanced diet, no missing and late meals, no sedentary life style, good ventilation and lighting...

there is no way that you will feel sleepy if you do all these...

still if you feel sleepy, please tell me.......i will come and stand next to you with a hammer so that whenever you doze off, i will give 'tong' on your head!

keep rocking, and not sleeping!

rams

What sort of parents we are?

hai all....

Our parents in india are too good. Moment a baby girl is born think about its schooling, job, future goals etc, dream a lot and work day and night to select the best school etc. They keep their heart inside the mouth always and run with anxiety. Get up early in the morning, bath the child, feed, arrange auto or van, send to school, sit with the child, teach every day, discuss with neighbours, teachers and doctors if the performance is not ok, feel sad, cry too and spend sleepless nights to get her on the track. Arrange tuitions…hmm…what not we do!

Starting the coaching for IITs or IIMs from early or from 7th…we also get transferred to a place where good education is available, all our planning, family strategies are focused towards the ‘best education for the child’…spend sleepless nights and days from 9th to 12th …send them to professional course paying lakhs and lakhs…
But why when it comes to marriages we ask them or force them or plan strategies to make them compromises and sacrifices in their career or life?

today I attended the graduation ceremony of my daughter, spoke to some of them…of course, I have been talking to them for the past four years…I found most of these girls have been ignited and fired well from childhood to be an achiever, but once they joined the college their parents have all the time been talking about marriage or higher education and marriage or ‘marriage and no job’…the girls ask ‘why parents behave like this?...when I am about to become an achiever they say ‘compromise and sacrifice’ for ‘marriage’…any answers for this?...this makes the girls to plan their strategies!!!!...

a girl who scored amazing marks in tenth and +2, joining engg on merit, winning the gold and best student award, has been made to get married and remain at home by her parents...understand that was the agreement before she came to college between the girl and her parents!

rams

How can we keep people at home happy if we ourselves are not happy?

hai all...

we are great indian parents...we try to keep everyone happy...but are we happy and healthy?

If the mother or father is not happy...healthy...can he or she keep others in the family happy and healthy?

our sacrificial mothers and fathers forget brushing, sleeping, eating and their entertainment...they, on the name of (emotionally) looking after their children better than other parents, sacrifice many things and remain unhappy or neutral (actually they can bloody well do all that...but they like doing like that...they want to indicate or show that they are paying so much attention to their kids!!!)...their threshold of happiness too low that 'they think they are happy' even when neutral...

the truth is 'no one can make any one happy unless he or she is happy'...the other truth is 'no one makes other one happy, when they are happy the contagious positive disease spreads to others also...that is all'

so, let us first keep ourselves happy!...happiness does not come on its own...saying 'I am here. Come and hug me!'...it is a conscious effort...once the habit of being happy is inculcated from childhood, it remains forever and if it is culture in the family with all the people, then it spreads or flows to people outside also...but is it the state?

in our great culture our happiness is conditional...i.e we say 'I will be happy if I get good marks...good college...good job...if my mother cooks that...if I am there...or if I have that'....so lots of IFs and BUTs we have....so, our happiness is only conditional and we can not be happy always...it comes once in a while...rarely...as conditions are not fulfilled often...as they are not in our hands...as our thresholds are low we don't think about higher levels of happiness...mostly we perceive 'pleasure' as happiness...great world of perceptions we live in!!!!

we need to know and grow a lot, before we start producing children and not to screw up our children and their future!

rams

What should we do when our child comes saying 'mom, i lost it!'?

Hai all...

Let us consider a school student coming home with a progress report of all less marks with a sad face...

mother looks at the progress report...what does she do?...she gets red hot, shouts at her badly and uses all abusing, negative, foul and demotivating language, elementary school children get beaten up also...

What the mother has done?...she got upset. She thought about her future. She thought about what she will answer in the PTA meeting. She thought she will be looked down upon by other parents there. She thought what she will tell about her daughter to friends and relatives. She compared her daughter with other children of his friends and relatives who are doing well. She felt there is no result commensurate with the money spent on education. So, she got frustrated and angry. She poured all that anxiety and anger on her daughter.

Let us now look at that girl student.

She was already upset that she got low marks. She came home and told about that to her mother, to share her sadness with the person whom she loves the most, thinking that she will get emotional support and encouragement (‘don’t worry my girl (with hugs and kisses)! You are an intelligent girl. There must be some real good reason why you got less marks. Otherwise you will not get such a low mark. Don't worry. Let us sit together and findout the reason and see how you can improve next time. Come on girl, don’t feel sad! I am there with you! We both together will solve the problem and win!’)...but what she got was beating, shouting (‘i knew it will happen like that! You never studied! You are a useless girl! I told your father that time itself not to spend so much of money on you in fees! Now see what happened! I know you can not do it. You are like your father. Not intelligent, dull and stupid. You are fit for a servant job only. Look at the neighbours. Look at your class mates. How they are able to study?Hmmm...what to do!...i am blessed with a child like you!’) and demotivation. Her agonly has only increased. There was no emotional support. The wound has increased only.



What she will do next time?...she will not tell anything which will make her get angry or frustrated. She will start hiding. She will talk less. She will not share emotional issues.

What are the things which she will not tell her or will not discuss with her?

‘mummy, i lost my school fees money!’
‘mummy, i lost my mobile phone!’
‘mummy, i am in love with a boy!’
‘mummy, i am pregnant!’
‘mummy, what is love?’
‘mummy, can i wear a tight dress?’
‘mummy, can i go for a party and dance?’

The same thing happens with the husband also. He will tell something sad that he has experienced that day and will only get lots of shouting and not emotional support.

This is not gender specific. All parents do this and all spouses do this.

End result is...

1. They create a barrier between the child and parent. A barrier between the husband and wife. The trust of sharing all emotions and information is lost.

2. As all organisms want an outlet or way out, they will discuss and share the emotions with their friends or office staff...the girl student will discuss with her class mate boy friend...the husband will discuss with his office lady staff...the wife will discuss with her office guy...

3. This will lead to further complications of ‘new emotional relationships outside the house’ and may not solve the problems in life permanently.



What should we do...???????

1. Trust our significant people at home.

2. Whenever they come to us for emotional support we should reciprocate the same. We need to remember that people at home are the best people on earth to share all emotions...sad or happiness...failures or successes...If we give anger we will get back only anger. If we give hatred, we will get back only hatred. In love, what we give is what we get. What we don't give is what we don't get.

3. We should look at negative events of life with positive outlook and support the people at home and provide confidence and high self esteem.

4. Should discuss out things openly without fear or discomfort or shyness and find a solution together as a team.

5. Family is an organisation where a team works together to achieve the functions and supporting each other. If we demotive a team member then we can not succeed. By only encouraging and motivating all team members at home, we can succeed in life and bring happiness and peace inside the four walls. If this is not done, that family will break emotionally or mentally. It will only exist physically for society sake.

6. Failures are common. Losing an item happens with all. We need to become spiritualistic to accept failures and successes equally. Life has not come to end with that. One member can loose or fail. But If all are together as a team, ‘the team will never fail’. Each one will motivate the other and bring in lots of trust, friendship, strong bonds, feeling of acceptance, openness, love and affection, soulmateship, and life long inseparable bondage. We can much more than what is lost by one individual.

7. Shouting and discouraging will bring in distance, mistrust, weak emotional bonding, hatred, playing strategies on each other like what we watch in TV serials, ‘let us keep quiet now as we are dependent on them right now’ feeling etc. No one at home can be happy with this. Parents will lose their children. Wives will lose their husbands. Husbands will lose their wives.

So guys, what shall we do?????????????

rams

What is life?

Hai guys...good morning...india celebrates the festival of lights today 'diwali'...while I type this I can see, hear, sense every one every where is wearing all new dresses, visiting and saying hai to friends, greeting them, burning crackers, offering and eating sweets, visiting temples and saying 'hai boss!' to gods, some visiting movie halls, malls...and what not!...I wish they continue this positivity, happiness and peace.

actually life is too simple...

1. get born
2. grow with positive people
3. attach with positives and positive people
4. avoid or less socialise with negatives and negative people
5. get attached to knowledge, wisdom, skills, experiences ('knowing sugar is sweet' is a knowledge...not adding that to a spicy stuff is wisdom...when we read 'basics' we get knowledge...when we read 'applied' knowledge we get wisdom...when we think about the 'just read' knowledge with the 'previous knowledge we have about various things' then also we get wisdom...wisdom comes from experience too...
6. go to schools and colleges, places of wisdom, happiness and peace
7. attach more to nature and living beings other than human beings
8. with human beings never have 'expectations' and 'possessiveness'...when these two are least, we find 'heaven' being with human beings
9. let the goal of life be 'self actualisation through skills, wisdom, art forms. Once this is fixed we will find all our daily activities, thinking, attachments, every move we do, the people whom we associate with, what we buy, our emotions, hobbies, habits, culture...every damn thing under the sky we do falls in place.
10. Happiness, peace, good physical, mental and social health should be the basic and back bone of life. Every thinking, every movement, every emotion should lead to these.

If we do these life can not be sad, peace less, poor, unsuccessful etc...

we will get all the basic needs of life like, food, shelter, air, sex, plenty of wealth, love, security of all these, self esteem, self actualisation, lots of people around us, lots of lovers (smile), but all positive people as we radiate happiness and peace to all,...everything! 
so, life is too simple...three words...'positives', 'wisdom' and 'attaching to nature'...that is all!

there is no need of god, god men, gurus, all beliefs, superstitions which we believe to be 'truth', holy books, all godly issues like religion, caste and 'everything that divides or differentiates human beings'...only two things are required...LOVE and NATURE...that is all...these are the 'integrating' forces between all living beings (why only human beings)...these are the 'Weapons of Mass Attraction' (WMA) and all others are WMD (weapons of mass destruction)...nuclear weapons or chemical weapons or biological weapons are not the most dangerous weapons of destruction...gods, god men, gurus, holy books, religion, caste, race and everything that 'differentiates' human beings are the most dangerous weapons on earth...

NATURE is the ultimate god, guru, holy book and everything...more we attach ourselves to it, more it teaches us about everything...it does not teach anything negative...it only teaches all positives...it has given us sufficient intelligence to understand and experience anything under the sky that is experienced by any other human being...nothing wrong in learning from anyone and anything...'attaching' ourselves, 'blindly' following people, faiths, life styles, 'definitions of life', emotionally bonding with people, places, life events and organisms will all give us only negatives...

we are unique, we have to design our destiny using our cognition suitable to our place of living, climate (temperatures, rains, dryness, humidity etc), resources available there, people living there...if we 'copy and paste' from 'anyone' (specially all those who teach us life and living and what not!) we can not be peaceful and happy...

many run behind wealth...but they only get 'spoiled health' and little wealth, land up in spending the entire wealth to maintain the spoiled health.

but those who run behind 'wisdom' and 'positives' will get plenty of wealth, as their needs and wants are less.

happy Diwali and keep rocking guys!

rams