Who teaches romance to us?

hai all...

mother is the mother of all love learning on this earth!

she teaches how to love nature, how to love people, how to love education, how to love different type of art forms (painting, carving, photography, dance, writing, singing, playing instruments etc), how to love relationships...and there fore she is the one who teaches romance too!

by hugging, kissing, caring, encouraging, freeing and what not!

all those who have grown within the nurturing love envelope of their mothers will be highly romantic, loving, caring, peaceful and jolly good fellows.

Those who were deprived of this during their first 10 years of childhood are likely to be rude, rigid, controlling, possessive, 'diseased love'...they may be real good people with lots of love inside...but may not know how to show, give and seek...so, they go weird and diseased...


our growth on loving and romance and capability of reaching different levels depends upon the capability and experience of the mother to appreciate nature, relationships, beauty and love in everything around, her ability to experience herself the joys from all the types of loves and ability to show and teach the child, make the child to experience more than what she has experienced

rams

Love is always present around us...it is up to us to perceive it or not!...we perceive only that love which we need at that moment of time!

hai all...love is a perception...it might be there all around us...but if we are not in a mood to appreciate it then it is as good as not there...so our sensors should perceive it's presence... 

also at different ages we perceive love in different ways....as our needs differ...and there are different types of love and we want to experience all these loves at different percentages all the time...it is a dynamic state of mind... 

keep rocking 

rams

the future of relationships!!!

Hai all...
in olden days every one spent their time either with ‘nature’ / ‘natural environment’ in the villages or small towns or with other human beings at home or in paddy fields.

In the past we had only communication equipment (big telephone), entertainment device (television or radio) and a processing device (computer or calculator which was mostly used in offices, scientists or students and not by any commoner).

Today all these three and much more have come in one single device called mobile where anything and everything you name is available including feelings, emotions, sex, even all types of relationships both in video and audio etc.

So, today most of us spend most of our life in front of ‘virtual world’ and with ‘virtual people’. We share almost everything with people in virtual world...knowledge, our life experiences, emotions etc...anything and everything that was available from people at home is available through this device...so, we get more bonded to virtual people, virtual world and not to real people and real world...

There are many who are addicted to voices of FM broad cast RJs and VJs (gestures too).

There is a film which says that by 2025 we will have ‘software human beings’ which will talk to us with video, understand and adapt to our behaviours and emotions, talk to us in such way that it is a perfect soul mate for us...he or she will change moods depending on our moods by just assessing us in few seconds in front of the terminal...there will be no fight, no frustration, no bad moods with this person...and we will start living with such ‘real’ virtual people, because they are always available at the click of a button, and totally adaptable and matching to our needs in all respects and all dimensions...

So, we may not live with the real people in future.

But the sad part is POSSESSIVENESS and EXPECTATIONS  will ever remain and make us probably addicts...these software people will be adapting to all those people who have bought this or using this services...then we will start killing those who are addicts as we presume that they are sharing our property or we might become psychos when we know that our software girl is loving sooooooo many across the world...!!!

Hmmmm....don’t know what all we are going to see, god bless us!!!

rams

 

 

 

 

Who are important for this earth...human beings or other living organisms?

hai all...the world comprises of plants, animals and human beings...anything other than plants and human beings can be classified as animal, for this post...

if all plants and animals die on this earth...can human beings alone live on this earth?...NOOOO...

ok, let us consider the other side...if all human beings die will all animals and plants live on earth?....yesssss....in fact, this earth will be more beautiful with lots of plant life and animals...soooo colourful...so lively...lovely!

why...because human beings do not love their own species, plants and animals in the real sense without any 'destruction' element...but whereas all other living beings love unconditionally in the true sense without any expectations or possessiveness...so, let us learn the lesson for the sixth sense from other lower level organisms...so, truly the sixth sense has given more future dangers than the positives in the real sense...is it not?

rams

some thing to think before we LOVE some one or MARRY some one!!!

hai all.. a point to ponder before LOVING or MARRYING...

all married and unmarried people...

When someone comes to you giving a marriage invitation ask him or her ‘Why are you getting married?’

If you are a parent ask yourself ‘why are you getting your son or daughter married off?

Or ask the other parents (your friends) this question.

Some will blink. Some will say it is a social obligation. Some will say ‘everyone gets married so i am also getting married!’. Some parents will say ‘it is my responsibility to get my children married off’. Some will say ‘after we die, my child should have someone in our place to give everything to her / him!’.

If someone answers truthfully it will be like this...’i am getting married to get...

(i) Lifelong Social, physical, legal, economic security and safety

(ii) Lifelong emotional, physical, sexual and intellectual support

(iii) Lifelong social acceptance, respect, authority, identity

(iv) Lifelong house, food, clothing, ornaments, big house, all items in life for comfortable living, acceptance inside the house

(v) children, happiness through grooming of children, fame and a sense of achievement through the success and happiness of children

(vi) A lifelong commitment that he or she will not leave the spouse and will not get entangled with someone else for all the above.

(vii) A commitment that he or she will not change from the above

(viii) A commitment that he or she will support him or her in all her endeavours in education, profession, house hold activities, social activities (personal, official, family), hobbies, philanthropic activities, religious activities, rituals of family, community and society

(ix) Freedom of speech, activities, thinking, emotions, activities, overt and covert behaviours

(x) To provide lifelong happiness, good physical-mental-social well being and self actualisation.

Wofff...all these are not given in any book...when i just think about this question posed to me, i am getting all these answers in my mind...the list is endless...you all may type more to make the list complete...(smile)

So, all boys and girls have a looooooooooong list of EXPECTATIONS and POSSESSIVENESS from their would be wives and husbands.

Does any parent ask the other parent or the girl or boy if all these will get fulfilled by them?

Does any boy or girl ask their counterpart if they will be able to fulfil all these ‘ I need...’s and ‘I want...’s?

Does anyone ask himself or herself if he or she will be able to give all the above to their would be spouse?

They ask everything other than this. Why?????

It is assumed in our culture that these things are by default and ‘supposed to be provided’...’supposed to be known to the other side people’...whether they know that they have to give all these is not known.

They are not bothered. We only ‘demand’ or ‘ask for rights’ from government or society or parents. We forget that ‘rights and responsibilities’ go hand-in-hand.

So, if the demands or rights are lengthy, then the responsibilities from our side is also more. How many think about this?

How many lovers who plan to get married ask this to their lovers, think about this?...how many answer truthfully to their lovers?...mostly people give only ‘socially acceptable’ answers!!!

If each and every spouse can meet these of the other, then everyone will be happy, every family will be happy!...Is it the reality?

Is it possible for everyone to meet the ‘needs and wants’ of the other?...NO!

The next question comes ‘ok, how much, how long, to what extent, how many times, each time to what extent, what all types, what percentage (etc etc!!!) you can meet my needs and wants?’

Is there anyone who says ‘i don’t have any of these expectations from my lover / wife/ husband. I can get everything by myself. I am marrying just to be in my perceived love envelope of my partner!’? (i can see you asking ‘then why to get married?)

In a love life or married life if the needs and wants are met to the level of satisfaction then LOVE exists. Otherwise there is NO LOVE. Only hate and related emotions and behaviours exists!...So, do we all really know what is love, do we love our partners?...do we love them as only parasites?...do we love them for our own selfishness?...Can this type of love lost for long?...How long?...How much fulfilling love it will be?..how much fulfilling life it will be?...Is there anyone who loves their partner just for the ‘person what he or she is’ beyond all these big lists?...Is it humanly possible to give all these by anyone to anyone throughout life?

So lovers and ‘ready-to-marry’ boys and girls...discuss this out with yourself, then your ‘would-be’s and then your parents before you get entangled for life!!!

RAMS

Let us change or else we will lose everything and everyone and will die as an orphan!

hai all...

We have many oldies at home or some rigid personalities groomed by some great parents and ‘sold’ off to us as our spouse to bear for entire life. They spoil their own life and the life of others.

Change is the only thing that does not change. Everything changes on this earth. 

We grow and change in physical appearance and behaviours. We are different almost after every 5 or 10 years of life. So, if we live for 70 years we will find that we change into at least 7 different people during this period. 

Climate changes. Cities, villages and towns change. Organisations and processes change. 

Technology, the main dictator of ‘way of living’ changes very fast these days. Life cycle of each technology is very small. So, all gadgets we use change fast. 

So, our ‘way of living’ – eating habits, foods we eat, the way we eat, the clothes we wear, place we live, cars and other comforts we use, dynamics at home, way we socialise, way we communicate, emotional exchanges, the way we get the things done, our beliefs on religion, caste, superstition, rituals, customs, traditions, social processes...eeeeeeeeeeeeeverything changes...culture changes...

So, our behaviours change and physical appearance change and we are new different human beings often.

So, is it correct to blame the spouse saying ‘hey, You have changed a lot! You are not the same person i got married to!...you promised me that you will not change! Now you have changed and betrayed me! You have broken the promise you made, the trust i had, the oath you took! etc’

We have to observe our spouse, accept and understand that it is a natural process, accept that we are also changing continuously without our knowledge (which we find it hard to accept) and change to match the other person or at least move ahead in life accepting everything in positive side.

This is the only way to be happy and healthy.

Those who change with people, time, society and nature will be happy, healthy and successful.

Those who are rigid and say ‘I am right. Come what may, i will not change!’ will suffer, get all sorts of diseases, will not be peaceful, blame all, kill others also, will be kept away by parents, children, relatives and every one, feel lonely, and die one day crying.

rams

every one has some one or the other, invisible, who is the life-line of their life!

hai all...

we are all are fine, happy and ticking because there are some people in our life, whom we love the most, consciously or subconsciously, are there in our lives or in our sub conscious minds...which tells our inner mind that 'he is there!' or 'she is there!'...so, we are confident and happy.

if you take a paper and write down the names of those people you will be able to figure out who they are...they need not be physically with us...some are not known to us, if they really play a key role in 'feeling of rejection'...

only when they leave us physically or tell us 'i am not there for you!' etc we will come to know who they are, how much they are meaningful to us in our lives etc...

till such time, we take them for granted and it does not matter for us whether they are there or not, talk to us or not, be with us or not...

every one has some one or the other...or more than one...less the number, more the agonies...more the number, less the agonies...

they are the most significant people...others are only significant or insignificant in our lives...

rams

where to read about human behaviours?

hai all...

Human beings are interesting creatures of nature. It is very interesting to study about them.

I feel that we should study about anything from the research publications to get the proven information.

go to anna university web site, select 'research', select 'announcements', go down the list, you will find a link 'refer annex I list of refereed journals' and the next link is 'refer annex II of refereed journals'...you can download both the pdf files and see a big list of journals...you name any human behaviour...there is a journal for that which publishes all the researches done about that behaviour of a human being...

you may download the journal papers and read them to know the truth.

rams

The effects of 'feeling of rejection'

hai all...

intensity and number of times, we feel 'rejection of love and affection' or 'feeling of rejection' (e.g when a child runs and hugs her mom, her mom does not allow and throws her out) is directly proportional to our sadness, loss of peace, bad mental health, physical health, the 'need or heavy urge for love and affection'...search for a compatible mate for getting this...irrespective of age...i.e whether we are 10 years old or 90 years old...and same with the other person’s age too...

so, one who faces the largest of the above, by intensity and by number of times will suffer a lot in his life...emotionally...this leads to a disorder and it can also lead to 'Guna' character in tamil movie 'guna'

today and in the years to come human beings are likely to face more and more ‘feeling of rejections’ as our socialisation through media, internet, social networking sites, and what not, will only increase and therefore, the feeling of rejections also will increase...one might get many ‘acceptance of love’ also, but the rejections will always remain and haunt the person to thirst and search for more and more ‘love acceptances’...

less the feeling of rejection of love and affection...the less sadness and loss of peace due to this issue...

rejection could be from two angles...i.e when the other person does not accept or acknowledge or rejects your love and affection that you are giving...the other angle is you need lots of love and affection and the other person from whom you are expecting is rejecting you and not giving it...both have a heavy damage on the mental development, happiness and health of a person...

also every human being requires to experience all sorts of love...from all sorts of relationships on earth...e.g a child is not completely happy if it gets love and affection from only mom and not from dad....the list goes on....e.g a man also requires from his wife, child, mom, friend etc...even if love is denied from one person or the other...i.e feeling of rejection from any one on earth or any relationship, then also the damage is heavy...of course, the organism tries to compensate the loss from the other relationships or seeks new relationships which can give that type of love and affection...that is why ‘the type of love and affection which one looks forward from the other person depends on what type he or she is missing in her life!’...this defines the type of relationship between the two people...

i can go on typing on this issue but will stop now...bye...

rams

What is the relationship or difference between ROMANCE and LOVE?

hai all...WHAT IS THE DIFFERENCE OR RELATIONSHIP BETWEEN LOVE AND ROMANCE...

love is a ‘positive feeling or perception’ which we get in our mind that leads to happiness, peace, positive emotions and positive behaviours that leads to good physical, mental and social health, success etc...it could be due to anything or any one...

romance is the overt behaviour that occurs due to the attraction to an opposite sex which leads to pleasure and reproductive acts.

Love need not have romance. But romance has love in it. No one can romance without a positive feeling for the other person. Love can lead to romance, as love is a ‘feeling or perception’ which is the result of cognition or ‘processing of a positive mental structure’ and romance is ‘behaviour’.

First is sensing, then formation of a mental structure, then perception, then feelings (emotions) and then behaviours.


RAMS

what to choose....profession? or passion?

what to choose? profession or passion?

Hai all…adolescent children, and some of those who are in their early twenties also, are attracted towards some sports, art form, knowledge, skill activity etc and they wish their life should be full of that. Is it only that?...some say yes and some say ‘more too!’.

Parents say ‘No, you pick up some studies or hobby that will fetch you good wealth and money so that you can stand on your own legs!’

Do, all sports or art forms (dance, singing, playing music instruments, writing etc) or skill activity (e.g adventures like snake catching or performing guinnes record like activities), knowledge (any degree in arts or science or other studies) give us enough money to be contended with?

So, children are confused, frustrated, sad, angry on everything and every one and parents are adamant and forceful.

The result is many children do not perform well in the course where their parents have pushed them, lose interest in everything, fail continuously, lose interst in living, become mentally ill. Parents feel miserable having lost lots of money, their child’s life and they face the biggest challenge in life.

What should be done?

The correct way is to measure the skill levels of the student in their passion (as all the areas of their passion what the children say are related to skills…i.e performing using body parts…e.g photography) using the proven tool used widely all over the world. After confirming that the child has the inborn talent or intelligence it is for sure almost that the child will shine in that passion, if groomed well. If one tool is doubtful then we can use the other famous tools for the ‘second opinion’.

If the outcome of the measurement is not encouraging then it is only an OBSESSION without any valid reason or base and the child can be suggested for another course or skill related subject where the results are encouraging. May be the child can keep the passion as passion (hobby) only, for self satisfaction, and not the profession.
Is india suitable for earning the basics for survival with all sorts of skill related passions?...No. Can every one afford to go to a country or place where that skill can be groomed to an extent of reaching the top in the world?...No.

Are we having enough inborn talent or calibre to reach a level in that passion, of course with grooming, to earn that much of money with which we feel we can ensure our basics of living, if not comforts?...e.g can every one become a sachin?...can every one become a top dancer or singer or artist or writer or swimmer or welder or carpenter or lawyer etc?...or can we earn enough money in that field to fill the stomach of ours and our children? Can we give a quality education, clothing, living to ourselves and others around us?...If the answer is yes, then we can venture into it. If the answer is No, it is better to keep it only as a hobby and not a profession.

You might disagree, but it is essential for us to first be alive, get all the basic necessities of life like clothing, house, good education for us and our children etc first. Body needs stand over the wants of the mind, as body needs are for survival and to remain ‘alive’ and mind needs are to ‘feel happy’.

So, passion and profession should go together hand-in-hand in life. If passion can become profession then nothing like it. If not also one should not feel unhappy as it is always there in our life side by side keeping us happy, energised, refreshing and charged. If some one can turn their profession into passion by accepting the destiny or mandate of the god or nature, then nothing like it!!!

Children generally choose their subject of study or interest based on things like obsession, fantasy etc. (e.g obessessed with the uniform of army, authority and power of a collector, fame of an actor, status of a scientist)…the people they see…Many are not based on reality. This is because they are not exposed to all sorts or fields of study, work and hobby. If they get exposed and allowed to think and choose then it will be realistic. So, providing the exposure to everything in the world and measuring the skills at different stages of growth is a better way of grooming.

rams

why every one is different...why we have to accept people 'as they are', the we want others to accept us 'as we are'?

hai all...WHY EVERY ONE IS DIFFERENT?...WHY WE HAVE ACCEPT PEOPLE 'AS THEY ARE', THE WAY WE EXPECT OTHERS TO ACCEPT US 'AS WE ARE'?

We keep observing others consciously and unconsciously all the time. People differ from one another widely and wildly. Why?...No two persons are alike. Why?...At the same time people have certain common traits or characteristics. Why?...What are the sources of such individual differences?...or commonality?...to what extent they differ?...to what extent they are common?...Is it possible to predict how an individual may behave in certain defined situation based on certain theoretical assumption?...How far the specific source of personality differences are stable?...are they long enduring?...or transient?...why people are unique?...can you make wild guesses on these questions?.

Psychologists have followed different paths to find answers for these questions.

Evolutionary psychologists say that different human beings ‘adapt to the environment in different ways’. They follow different strategies. This is the reason for difference in individual differences. So, as per them, “alternative adoptive strategies followed by human individuals belonging to the animal kingdom” is the reason for differences.

Some say that ‘genetic inheritance’…i.e the complex interplay of the genetic components and the environmental influences is the reason for the differences.

When we view the human beings as one extending from lower species then ‘biological under pinnings of temperament and complex behaviour’ emerges as the reason for the differences.

Some say that psychodynamic factors such as ‘unconscious mind’ is the reason. They say that instinctive drives and forces and developmental experiences shape one’s personality. Sigmund Freud says that the unconscious determines the thinking, willing and feeling of the individuals. He stresses that internal psychological processes are of primary importance for explaining the nature of the individual. Early child hood experiences have greater impact on one’s personality. Unconscious motivation contributes to various psychological phenomena. Rationality and morality sustain our ego and super ego. Individuals resort to defense mechanism to foster their ego. Even the ‘conscious’ experience and its interaction with the ‘unconscious’ matters. Social factors play a significant role in development of an individual.

Social cognitive theorists say that ‘socialisation and the effect of cognitive processes’ are the reason for the differences.

Freud, in his classical psychoanalytic theory says ‘human behaviour is determined by the unconscious’. According to him the structure of personality includes (a) conscious (b) preconscious (c) unconscious.
What one is presently aware of constitutes the conscious. Consciousness is riveted by our focus on what is happening at the current immediate moment, ‘here and now’.

In preconscious state we are not aware of certain facts related to our past experiences. But they are available for recall.

Unconscious refers to a state where the facts related to experience, especially emotional experience may not be felt at the ‘present’ moment. It can be voluntarily recalled by the individual. This material remains dormant and remains buried underneath in the mind.

Unconscious usually consists of the traumatic childhood experiences and tabooed sexual desires. The material hidden in the unconscious could hardly be retrieved by the awakened state of awareness. But the influence of the unconscious is felt in all aspects of behaviour.

According to Freud, mind is like an iceberg merged in water with 90% inside and 10% visible outside. Majority of our emotional experiences are buried under the unconscious and what we see as behaviour outside is only but a small portion of the mental structure.

What is personality structure?

I generally refer to this saying ‘every human being has three organisms inside. They are alert and functioning all the time inside us. When I say ‘I am rams’, I refer to the ‘combination of all these three organisms’.

Freud describes it as ‘three partite structure of the human personality’.

The names of the three organisms inside us are named as follows:-

(a) Id (pronounced as ‘yid’)
(b) The Ego
(c) The Super ego

Id is the most important organism, as most of our behaviours are due to this. The most disturbing, basic, fundamental, essential and dangerous organism. It is there from birth to death. There is no human being without this organism. If this is not there, we cannot be alive. It is responsible for all the scandals, rapes, thefts, scams and all the bad things and negativities of life that we read in the newspapers or watch in TV channels!!!

Does a new born infant has anything called its personality?...yes…it has!
At the time of birth, the personality of the infant remains to be an embodiment of id.

Therefore, id is the original system of personality. In the course of development or growth of the infant, it is differentiated into the ego and the super ego.
The id is occupied by a mass of ‘blind instincts’…the basic fundamental instincts of life!...thirst, hunger, to breath, sexual or reproductive urge, identifying dangers and protecting from them etc.

There is no logical organization of these instincts and impulses in the id. Therefore, instincts that contradict one another may simultaneously be present in the id. No sense of time prevails in the id…e.g we feel hungry or sexual needs any time.

Impulses already present in the id and also the new impulses (e.g tabooed sexual desires) repressed and sent to be hidden in the unconscious can remain unaltered for indefinite period in the id. That is how repressed traumatic experiences of childhood tend to persist and persevere in the adulthood and later.

Id is essentially ‘amoral’ in its character. It has no sense of values and cannot discriminate the good from the evil. It adheres to only ‘pleasure’ principle. It’s only concern is to release tension instantly and relegate the organism to a comfort zone involving constant and low level or energy.

Id is not oriented to reality. Id always tries to obtain pleasure and avoid pain.
In psychoanalysis we use a term called ‘primary process’. It refers to id’s approach towards wish fulfilment by avoiding pain and gain pleasure. It is an illusory process. It constitutes an hallucinatory form of experience in which ‘desired object’ is present in the form of memory image of the desired one. Nocturnal dreams represent fulfilment or attempted fulfilment of a wish.

The id processes remain entirely unconscious. The processes are inferred by analyzing the manifestation of the processes in the dreams, free associations, and neurotic and psychotic formation. These phenomena are called ‘instinct derivatives’.
Several primitive instincts are associated with the id. However, sexual and aggressive instincts receive special premium.

This id has a big problem!!...its problem is by itself it is not capable of reducing the tension. For e.g a hunger experience by a person cannot be satiated by images of food and the tension cannot be relieved by such form of wish fulfilment. If id is not safeguarded and is left to its own strategies it might annihilate itself.

rams

what is the worst punishment for a girl / woman?...how to study human behaviours?

hai all...

what is the worst punishment on earth a women can get?

Watching the death of her own child or seeing the dead body of her child.

rams

hai all...

Human beings are interesting creatures of nature. It is very interesting to study about them.

I feel that we should study about anything from the research publications to get the proven information.

go to anna university web site, select 'research', select 'announcements', go down the list, you will find a link 'refer annex I list of refereed journals' and the next link is 'refer annex II of refereed journals'...you can download both the pdf files and see a big list of journals...you name any human behaviour...there is a journal for that which publishes all the researches done about that behaviour of a human being...

you may download the journal papers and read them to know the truth.

rams

relationship between emotions, emotional relationships / involvements and peace, happiness, health and success!

hai all...

emotional attachments are directly proportional to the sufferings. 

The 'more' and 'more in number' our emotional attachments are i.e people, places, items, events, things (religion, region, caste, languague, gods, gurus) the more is the suffering by intensity and period of suffering.

so, let us be less emotional about anything in life.

rams

how to know if a person is a good friend, a good lover, a good life mate, a good soul mate????

hai all...read this nice true story...you could be one like this...this is not gender specific...i.e it is not for all the girls...it is for boys too...

there are so many boys and girls...men and women...are unable to decide who can be their best lover or spouse or life-friend or soul mate.....some see only the surface and get screwed for life...though there are many ifs and buts the following probably will help...

i am copy pasting from one of my typing else where...so, bear with me if there are some ifs and buts (smile)

a girl who did not have a good parenting with love, care and affection falls in love with a boy at college who could give that she was needing...they even landed up with hugs and kisses...only when the boy was desperate for more and more she realized something wrong...in the mean time both the families came to know, they did not like it, fought, abuses, boy did not like the girl's side abusing his parents...he calls it off...the girl begs not to leave her...but the boy cares a damn...the girls loses many good friends due to this...she leaves the college and goes to another college...another city...not able to digest the past life experiences...shifts to another engg college...meets a guy who is nice to her...he proposes after some time...but says 'we can be together only for three years and after that we can only be good friends because my parents will not agree for the marriage'...girls gets pissed off...she has told him that she is willing to accept him only if he commits for life to which the boy disagrees...the girl does not cut off that guy but maintains some distance friendship....gets another senior boy who also shares the same sad past life...she feels close to him...likes him very much...shares this with the second boy...he fumes...fights with her...the third guy peels off hearing these fights...the girl is all in shambles not knowing what to do and who is good...just read what i typed....

"all three boys have thrown stones in the girl's pond creating waves, disturbances and made her mind waters murky and mangrovey....today the girl feels lonely because every one to whom she gets attracted, attached, shares all her emotions and issues, feels 'he is the ultimate person of my life', she trusts a lot, puts lots of controls on her, they are possessive on her, they curtail all her freedom, they have high expectations from her both emotionally and physically....this makes both the boys and the girl to lose the peace and happiness...so, today no one is happy...neither the girl nor the first guy nor the second guy nor the third boy nor the other boys who are close to the girl...may be the list is long...i only know these three guys as of now...if there are more guys throw them out baby to the garbage bin!!...all of them are unfit to be in your life AS THEY CAN NOT GIVE YOU PEACE, HAPPINESS, GOOD PHYSICAL, MENTAL AND SOCIAL HEALTH AND OF COURSE, SUCCESS!!!...consciously or unconsciously they are all behind their needs and wants through you...they may not agree to this because it is not known to their conscious mind...

i can hear you shouting at me saying 'Oh god, please tell me whom should i get attached tooooooooooooooooo!!!' (i can hear the echo, can you hear)

hai girl...please remember...

1. any one who is possessive about you, having lots of expectations (of any thing) from you, controlling you in any dimension, not allowing you to talk and interact with many through any media, putting restrictions on your relationships with other people / organisations etc, telling what you should do and what you should not do etc, any one who stands against your goals of being happy, physically, mentally and socially healthy, being successful are all wrong people and need to be kept away.

2. any one who is giving you freedom, does not dictate, is not possessive of you (remember, we feel that possessiveness is an indicator of the degree of love whereas it is only an indicator of degree of pain that we will experience in future through that person), does not tell you what you should do when, does not dictate what you should do and what you should not do, who encourages all your endeavors, guides, helps you to be happy, healthy and successful, gives the right guidance and mentoring to you-who clears all the clouds and murky situations when you are confused in life to take decisions on issues so that with his guidance you can think cool-be calm-be peaceful and take decisions on your own (Note: every right person 'will not give you decisions', he will only 'help you to think and take your own decisions') is the RIGHT PERSON of your life...you should keep only such people in your life...

will you get such people?...don't worry...though most of the human beings have the dangerous disease of 'expectations' and 'possessiveness', you will certainly come across few such good friends...you patiently wait for them...they may be anywhere in the world...and choose one among them as your life mate...only then you will be happy and peaceful throughout your life.

Now only you have started meeting people in life...you will come across hundreds and thousands in your life now on...after you pass out...the city you live...the place you work...the people you will interact on cyberspace and business offices and other organisations etc...as you are a beautiful person you will find a mad rush of boys and men towards you, in all forms - highly friendly, highly adaptable, highly sociable, listening and agreeing to everything you say, all goody goody boys, ready to spend any amount of money, time and all types of resources you name, ready to listen to your problems for hours and hours through phone / skype / messenger etc, etc....but you have to choose the person who fits in para 2 OVER A LONG PERIOD OF TIME...yes, endurance with the para 2 traits is important...one who shows para 2 traits for a short time, till he meets his goal of 'tasting' you is not ok...long ok, but how long???....generally if a person shows para 2 traits for about 4 to 5 years, then we can say that he is para 2, because no one will wait for a hug or a kiss or a sex for so many years, he will change over to some one else. There are few who will have their life with other girl / girls and still trying to put the hook on you for that 'taste', but you have to figure them out, ok!

also remember, all those i am mentioning as 'diseases', you also should not have them...e.g all the para 1 traits you also should not have. If you have then the other person will leave you, because he will also want some one like in para 2. So, you should be a person like in para 2. Understood?

3. hope you are getting some clarity now as to who is your friend and who is not....only a best friend like in para 2 can become your life mate or soul mate and no one else can.

simple statement is ONE WHO GIVES YOU HAPPINESS, GOOD PHYSICAL, MENTAL AND SOCIAL HEALTH, GIVES PEACE, SUCCESS OVER 5 YEARS AND MORE is your best friend whom you can rely on, marry with and spend your life.

REMEMBER, ANY PROPOSAL WITH CONDITIONS IS NOT GOING TO GIVE YOU PEACE AS IT IS A CONDITIONAL LOVE...I.E LOVING LIKE BEHAVIOURS (NOTE: NOT LOVE, AS THERE IS NO LOVE HERE!!!) WILL EXIST ONLY WHEN THE CONDITIONS ARE MET...THE DAY CONDITION IS NOT MET, THE LOVE GOES OFF AND THERE WILL BE A BREAK UP!!!!....UNCONDITIONAL LOVE ONLY CAN GIVE PEACE TO ANY ONE AND LONG TERM RELATIONSHIP!!!

hey girl, some will agree for life long commitment initially when you demand, just to have physical intimacies with you and leave you after some time...you need to be careful...best way is to watch for 5 years with para 2 behaviours...

remember, people with expectations and possessiveness disease can not be good friends...they will hamper our peace some time or the other...(or even kill us as they can not tolerate losing the person to some one...they become psychos)

hey girl, you will always fall for those who have common past experience with you, ok!...this is dangerous...this is similar to a person with a mental disease is getting attached to another person with the same mental disease...can they both get cured?...no way!!!...you might feel that you are getting some solace but you will not be cured...as the other person will not allow that to happen...as he is also a problem person needing treatment...it will only aggravate and spoil their peace after some time..

they can't make a person with same problem feel ok for a long time, as there are other stages of such relationships which will put both of them in danger....

now i can make out why you feel lonely at hostel...because all the three guys with whom you got attached spoiled your peace...hope after reading this mail you got some clarity...

right now concentrate only on your GATE, GETTING A JOB AND NOTHING ELSE

don't worry...you are a nice girl and so, you will get your guy...wait patiently...ok!

have a nice day...enjoy your life...NO ONE CAN SPOIL YOUR PEACE WITH OUT YOU PERMITTING THEM TO ENTER YOUR MIND...so, keep your mind empty and clean...don't gather garbage!!"""

rams

girls want full attention and involvement when the boys are with them, which is lacking and causing divorce

hai all...

all boys and men to read this...

most of the ladies and girls have a common complaint about their lovers and husbands...

"when he is with me or 'on me', he is not fully attentive, focused, concentrated, involved...his mind is somewhere else, distracted, worried, anxiety struck, never in the 'present' "....

guys please watch out...one lady says 'my husband enjoys watching cricket when he is 'inside' me!!

this is not a good sign that will lead to a healthy relationship...the girl or lady will land up to a counselor or to an another guy!

rams

a famous psychologist talks something about love here...

hai all students...a famous psychologist says the following about love...

" First and foremost, love is an emotion, a momentary state that arises to infuse your mind and body alike.

Love, like all emotions, surfaces like a distinct and fast-moving weather pattern, a subtle and ever-shifting force.

As for all positive emotions, the inner feeling love brings you is inherently and exquisitely pleasant — it feels extraordinarily good, the way a long, cool drink of water feels when you’re parched on a hot day.

Yet far beyond feeling good, a micro-moment of love, like other positive emotions, literally changes your mind. It expands your awareness of your surroundings, even your sense of self.

The boundaries between you and not-you — what lies beyond your skin — relax and become more permeable. While infused with love you see fewer distinctions between you and others. Indeed, your ability to see others — really see them, wholeheartedly — springs open.

Love can even give you a palpable sense of oneness and connection, a transcendence that makes you feel part of something far larger than yourself.

Perhaps counterintuitively, love is far more ubiquitous than you ever thought possible for the simple fact that love is connection. It’s that poignant stretching of your heart that you feel when you gaze into a newborn’s eyes for the first time or share a farewell hug with a dear friend.

It’s even the fondness and sense of shared purpose you might unexpectedly feel with a group of strangers who’ve come together to marvel at a hatching of sea turtles or cheer at a football game. The new take on love that I want to share with you is this: Love blossoms virtually anytime two or more people — even strangers — connect over a shared positive emotion, be it mild or strong.

Love is a momentary upwelling of three tightly interwoven events: first, a sharing of one or more positive emotions between you and another; second, a synchrony between your and the other person’s biochemistry and behaviors; and third, a reflected motive to invest in each other’s well-being that brings mutual care.

This is no ordinary moment. Within this mirrored reflection and extension of your own state, you see far more. A powerful back-and-forth union of energy springs up between the two of you, like an electric charge.

Odds are, if you were raised in a Western culture, you think of emotions as largely private events. you locate them within a person’s boundaries, confined within their mind and skin. When conversing about emotions, your use of singular possessive adjectives betrays this point of view. You refer to ‘my anxiety,’ ‘his anger,’ or ‘her interest.’ Following this logic, love would seem to belong to the person who feels it. Defining love as positivity resonance challenges this view. Love unfolds and reverberates between and among people — within interpersonal transactions — and thereby belong to all parties involved, and to the metaphorical connective tissue that binds them together, albeit temporarily. … More than any other positive emotion, then, love belongs not to one person, but to pairs or groups of people. It resides within connections.

People who suffer from anxiety, depression, or even loneliness or low self-esteem perceive threats far more often than circumstances warrant. Sadly, this overalert state thwarts both positivity and positivity resonance. Feeling unsafe, then, is the first obstacle to love.

Love’s second precondition is connection, true sensory and temporal connection with another living being. You no doubt try to ‘stay connected’ when physical distance keeps you and your loved ones apart. You use the phone, e-mail, and increasingly texts or Facebook, and it’s important to do so. Yet your body, sculpted by the forces of natural selection over millennia, was not designed for the abstractions of long-distance love, the XOXs and LOLs. Your body hungers for more.

True connection is one of love’s bedrock prerequisites, a prime reason that love is not unconditional, but instead requires a particular stance. Neither abstract nor mediated, true connection is physical and unfolds in real time. It requires sensory and temporal copresence of bodies .The main mode of sensory connection, scientists contend, is eye contact. Other forms of real-time sensory contact — through touch, voice, or mirrored body postures and gestures — no doubt connect people as well and at times can substitute for eye contact. Nevertheless, eye contact may well be the most potent trigger for connection and oneness.

Physical presence is key to love, to positivity resonance.

Love is a many-splendored thing. This classic saying is apt, not only because love can emerge from the shoots of any other positive emotion you experience, be it amusement, serenity, or gratitude, but also because of your many viable collaborators in love, ranging from our sister to your soul mate, your newborn to your neighbor, even someone you’ve never met before.

At the level of positivity resonance, micro-moments of love are virtually identical regardless of whether they bloom between you and a stranger or you and a soul mate; between you and an infant or you and your lifelong best friend. The clearest difference between the love you feel with intimates and the love you feel with anyone with whom you share a connection is its sheer frequency. Spending more total moments together increases your chances to feast on micro-moments of positivity resonance. These micro-moments change you.

Whereas the biological synchrony that emerges between connected brains and bodies may be comparable no matter who the other person may be, the triggers for your micro-moments of love can be wholly different with intimates. The hallmark feature of intimacy is mutual responsiveness, that reassuring sense that you and your soul mate — or you and your best friend — really ‘get’ each other. This means that you come to your interactions with a well-developed understanding of each other’s inner workings, and you use that privileged knowledge thoughtfully, for each other’s benefit. Intimacy is that safe and comforting feeling you get when you can bask in the knowledge that this other person truly understands and appreciates you. You can relax in this person’s presence and let your guard down. Your mutual sense of trust, perhaps reinforced by your commitments of loyalty to each other, allows each of you to be more open with each other than either of you would be elsewhere.""

 

rams

boys generally perceive the love of girls wrongly

hai all...

there are many college boys who complain that their girl friend has ditched them...in most of the cases, the perceptions of the boys are wrong...they perceive each and every act of the girl to be a behaviour indicating their love...meaning they will do what ever the boy wants, they want to live with the boy, they will go with the boy wherever he asks them to come etc. This is the problem. The girls are correct and clear about what they want and what they convey with their behaviours. But the boys are wrong.

rams

a letter from a Nobel Laureate to his son about love...

hai all students...here is a letter written by a Nobel Laureate about love to his son in college...

"First — if you are in love — that’s a good thing — that’s about the best thing that can happen to anyone. Don’t let anyone make it small or light to you.

Second — There are several kinds of love. One is a selfish, mean, grasping, egotistical thing which uses love for self-importance. This is the ugly and crippling kind. The other is an outpouring of everything good in you — of kindness and consideration and respect — not only the social respect of manners but the greater respect which is recognition of another person as unique and valuable. The first kind can make you sick and small and weak but the second can release in you strength, and courage and goodness and even wisdom you didn’t know you had.

You say this is not puppy love. If you feel so deeply — of course it isn’t puppy love.

But I don’t think you were asking me what you feel. You know better than anyone. What you wanted me to help you with is what to do about it — and that I can tell you.

Glory in it for one thing and be very glad and grateful for it.

The object of love is the best and most beautiful. Try to live up to it.

If you love someone — there is no possible harm in saying so — only you must remember that some people are very shy and sometimes the saying must take that shyness into consideration.

Girls have a way of knowing or feeling what you feel, but they usually like to hear it also.

It sometimes happens that what you feel is not returned for one reason or another — but that does not make your feeling less valuable and good.

Lastly, I know your feeling because I have it and I’m glad you have it.

We will be glad to meet Susan. She will be very welcome. But Elaine will make all such arrangements because that is her province and she will be very glad to. She knows about love too and maybe she can give you more help than I can.

And don’t worry about losing. If it is right, it happens — The main thing is not to hurry. Nothing good gets away."

rams

Should we keep our childhood and college friend relationships with opposite sex after marriage?

hai all...there is an issue in our community...big issue...tragic issue...
'girls and boys, after marriage, are told by their spouses to cut off the past friendships with opposite sex'

if not explicitly, they are given indications or behaviours or body gestures immediately after marriage or some months or years after marriage, to say bye bye to old friendships and also are indicated not to develop any new friendships with opposite sex.

This comes due to possessiveness. This leads to fear of losing the spouse physically or mentally or temporarily or permanently or losing the best and most times of the spouse in a day. This leads to spying, policing, suspecting and finally land up in breakage of marriage!!!

hmmmm....we have spouse on one side...great friends of life on the other side!!!
we are unable to give up and take a decision!...mostly give up on the friendships and it certainly affects our life at the mind level!!

even if a girl or a boy marries the best friend there are many equivalent or nearly best friends in life who can not be cut off just like that!!!...and it is a fact that one person only is not sufficient in life for everything and we need to talk to many people for various other things of happiness.

We don't consider the spouses to be the best friends. This is the reason why we lovvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvve talking to friends any time in life more and better than talking to the spouse. We derive more happiness in talking to friends rather than talking to our spouse.

It is also important that we select the true friends who are genuine, not possessive, not expecting, giving happiness and peace to us both in their presence and absence, not exploiting...i.e loving us truly for the sake of what we are....

friendship is the basis of any relationship...any relationship where 'friendship' is not the base, it will lose its meaning and will remain only for name sake and for the sake of society only!

Any one who loves only one on earth will certainly fall mentally sick and this itself is a symptom of sickness! (by the way, by love i don't mean that has 'sex' in it or possessing a body or mind in it!!)

many feel lonely...many feel 'rejection'...many feel depressed...all this because they have only one person with whom they are totally parasitic for their all types of physical, mental and social wellbeing....

the truth is....

1. the whole world is produced by nature or god for us only
2. all living organisms and all world population are created for us
3. it is we who restrict ourselves to just one and put up ourselves in closed bottle and feel suffocated

i reiterate, i don't mean 'sexing with all'....it only means showing positive emotions to all...to make them feel 'when i think about him, when i see him, i feel like living and not leaving this earth!!'...this is what i mean as love or loving all in the world!!

marriage to one person is just a living method to ensure that the life continues on earth, we put our body and mind to use for the reason to which they have been created, we don't get any diseases of not being put to use (e.g cancers related to reproductive system) etc...

so, the crux is....

1. let us come out of this old culture of be parasitic to only one for everything

2. encourage every one to love all ...or at least give freedom to our spouse to enjoy their old friends...if not making new friends...

3. killing many relationships to water one is not possible in the years to come
let us understand this and be happy, healthy and peaceful.

rams- psychologist and sociologist

How to manage the 'love failure' perceptions?

hai all...love failures!!!...hmmm...this is a major issue all throughout over many decades, may be centuries too!

Love failure tears the mental health very badly that it has it's effects throughout life in all aspects of life related to emotional behaviours...as it is a 'feeling of rejection'!!

why love failure perception (yes, it is only a perception!!) occurs?...because we think 'that' person is the only person who has been produced by god or nature for us!!!

the truth is the whole world is full of millions of lovers who can match with us at all levels.

The people of today of all ages will face love failures compared to earlier days, as today we have thousands of methods through which one gets connected to the other through internet. So, love failures will only increase in the years to come.

So, every one should be first mentally strong than being physically strong.
For this yoga, meditation and wild and wide reading about issues related to life, love, living, realtionships etc are important.

There is no one on this earth who has not faced feeling of rejection at emotional level at least once in his life time. So, every one faces it. There is no escape for any one.

But it all depends upon how we convert this negative life event into a positive one and learn from it is what is important.

The damage due to love failure is more if the person has involved in physical relationships with the other person.

if you are a mentally strong person then you will feel 'yes. I love all. I don't have urges with them. I don't have expectations or possessiveness with them.I have only positive thinking, emotions and behaviours with them. I do understand that the other person also has many friends. I do respect the feelings of others. I know that love can not be demanded. It has to be earnt. It has to be deserved. Some one coming to me with a relationship means that they like me at this moment. Some one leaving me from a relationship means i am boring to them now or i am not compatible with them now. May be i will become compatible later and then they will come back to me. So, 'in and out' are common over many decades of living. So, it is a dynamic situation here. I might be loving some one. But they may not be loving me the way i love them. When some one tells me 'i love you' and if i don't love them then they will also feel the same feeling of rejection that i get when others tell me 'sorry, i don't love you!'. So, it is all in life game. We need to understand and accept it and move on towards our goals of being happy, healthy and self actualised'...

so, let us all be mentally strong, make our children mentally strong to be like that person in the last para.

Because perceiving as a 'failed love' has many irreparable implications on our total life.

The truth is not important. Our perceptions is what is important to us.
all the best

rams

Is it correct or ok to have physical relationship with our friends or lovers?

hai all...

these days the students are exposed to far too many people and even people of far off places...the girls of student age are generally youthful, cheerful and therefore, beautiful. This attracts boys or men of all ages. The body and mind of the boy or man adapts to the girl, down to earth, that the girl falls for him. They end up in physical relationships of all sorts and extents...later when the boy leaves or relationship breaks she lands up to a counselor. Of course, this happens to boys also, as these idiots can perceive only only type of relationship or love (reproductive love) with girls. So, some tips for girls...

1. when a person loves another person truly he will not harm or spoil the happiness of the other person. There is no revenge there. There is only positive emotions and behaviours. No room for negatives. There is no perception of cheating or possessiveness. It is full of freedom. Mostly and sadly every one in our country and even in other countries, perceives only reproductive love with expectations and possessiveness and therefore, there is no love there, it is only a business of 'i give if only you give!'...therefore, people only experience few moments of short lived happiness, hours and a life of sadness, frustration, dissatisfaction and failure.

2. don't get close to any one physically and emotionally
3. analyse throughly by listing his characteristics over a long period of time
4. go close to him only if you are convinced over few years of being in relationship
5. don't bend to circumstances, requests and demands
6. don't 'give' yourself, for retaining the relationships or for favours

1. Any girl, whether good looking or dark or ugly looking....what ever may be her condition of appearance, a boy will certainly get attracted to that girl some time or the other (depending upon his body and mind needs, environment and the appearance and behaviours of the other person) and show signs of approaches and movement towards physical relationship...it will start with being near, touching (usual friendly only, during conversations, here and there, very very normal unintentional, without any motive and acceptable touches)...slowly without the knowledge of both it will turn to be touching boldly, not with fingers but with full palm, at places like hands, legs etc...then it will move and spread to other places also...then it will become side ways hugs of giving confidence etc...kissing on forehead, palm...then it will move to kissing on cheeks (not romantic but kissing a child like or confidence building kiss types)...then it will slowly spread to all places and all types...

like this physical relationship moves forward and ends up in reproductive and other private behaviours.

so, how you look or your behaviours is not important...being a female itself will attract a boy to a girl.

When a girl is beautiful, youthful, cute, innocent, naive, talking to every one nicely, radiates happiness and peace, blond like, shiny skin, fair then every one of any age will get attracted towards that girl...so, you will find any boy or man getting attracted towards you...but you have to decide your limits...you should never develop physical relationships ...i.e being close to the person physically at about one foot distance...(going closer makes the person to get the fragrance from body, closer looks, which stimulates the adrenals and drives him towards vigorous physical behaviours)

you should never give or take physical relationships just for the sake of 'not to lose that person and his relationship'....this is wrong...because you are doing for others' sake and you are not doing it for your sake or after getting convinced in your mind that what you are doing is right. so you will feel guilty later. this will make you suffer.

we should have physical relationship with a person only when....

1. our definition of life or our constitution of life which we have framed in our mind says having hugs or kisses or showing our body to others before or after marriage (as applicable) is not wrong.

2. we should be convinced in our mind that it is our conscious decision after weighing different factors that we have taken a decision to have physical relationship.

3. even if the person leaves the relationship any time in life, we will not feel bad or guilty or angry or feel cheated etc. (e.g those who have physical relationship for fun will not feel bad if the other person goes out of relationship...in fact these people only will leave the other person and go to some one else for a change or difference experience etc)

so, if these three conditions are met, then if a person has any physical relationship, then it will not affect that person because they feel IT IS NOT WRONG, THEY HAVE TAKEN A CONSCIOUS DECISION AFTER LOTS OF THINKING, THEY ARE NOT POSSESSIVE ABOUT THAT PERSON AND DO NOT MIND EVEN IF HE OR SHE LEAVES....

if any of the above condition is not met, then both the people in physical relationship will suffer and will need a therapy or treatment to get out of this issue stored in the brain...

rams