'I am fed up with these BELIEFS yaar!'

 hai guys...how are we?...I got fed up today seeing a guy suffering on his 'beliefs'.

Beliefs...they are part of our lives...every one has many beliefs...in fact they make our lives...beliefs are mental structures..they get converted into activities or behaviours what we do every day...so, they form an important part of our lives...they are the reasons for our happiness or sadness or achievements or failures, good health or bad health...

They are not the same with people...for e.g you may believe in something, whereas another may not believe in that...he may believe in the opposite of that...

Beliefs are those which are not proven by science...therefore, no one can prove them...if you believe in something you can not prove it...you can only state your experiences...the expereinces of others may be the opposite or different...so, others may not believe in that...as they are not proven, there is no point in discussing (in a discussion ‘who says’ is not important ‘what is said’ takes the front seat and given importance) or arguing (here the point of discussion takes the back seat and the ‘person’ saying that takes the front seat i.e ‘i am right’ ‘you are wrong’...so, most of the time arguments result in fights and no solutions...ego clashes...as in an ego, person is given the prominence and not the issue or point of discussion) these with others...so, no point in discussing or arguing on beliefs...neither you can prove you are right nor the other person can prove he is right...neighther you can prove he is wrong nor he can prove that you are wrong...

So, which is the right belief and which is the wrong belief?...which one to be followed and which one not tobe followed?

Any belief that gives us happiness, good health, peace, good social relationships and leads us to self actualisation is the one to be followed. Any belief that gives us unhappiness, fights, physical and mental illness, spoils peace, spoils our social relationships...such a belief is wrong. They are not to be followed.

So, we need to take a paper and list down all the beliefs that we have and follow. Those which  give us happiness...i.e positives. They are to be followed.  Those which give us all negatives should not be followed.

for e.g ‘i strongly believe in vaasthu’ is a belief...now this person attributes all the good and bad things that happen in his life to vaasthu...as long as good things happen he will remain in that house...when bad things (as perceived by him...it may not be actually bad or sad) happen to him he will move to another house or break the house here and there and do some modifications or do some pooja etc....his mind will be all the time thinking about vaasthu and linking all that happens in his life to that...his 80 year old mother might die due to aging...but he will attribute that to vaasthu...saying ‘this bath room is not supposed to be here. It is supposed to be there. This is the reason fo my mothers death (or mother’s illness etc)...

many people say many things about vaasthu...saying ‘this is right and this is not right’...many books will say different things about vaasthu...so, we get confused...we keep breaking the house...keep shifting or changing the house...keep spending money...so we never prosper and can not have happiness and peace in life.

 

Any thing that has to happen in nature will happen. E.g aging brings bad health and death.  Any thing that happens in our life is positive. E.g we might lose our job. We perceive it as a bad happening. But we might get a good job later. Or that the old job was likely to bring us something bad later or no progress etc. Who knows?...so, anything that happens in our life is for good.

Vaasthu is one example. There are many such things like this...e.g ‘i believe in this god that he will give me all good’...’i belive in this temple as when ever i go to that temple, good things happen in my life’...’i believe in horoscope’...’i believe in nameology’...’i believe in wearing precious stones that they bring good to me’...the list is endless.

 

Beliefs vary from person to person, place to place, country to country, religion to religion, caste to caste. But beliefs remain. They remain always. Till the earth is there. They will not go, as science can not prove everything and anything. There will always be something which is not proved by science yet.

I keep seeing many people in my life every day...who are having beliefs which does not bring them peace and happiness...they only see negatives in people and life situtations...they keep fighting with others...keep changing their houses...keep breaking...keep blaming others...they feel they are always right...they feel that they know everything...they feel that only those who believe in what they believe are good people, right people etc...when those people differ slightly then they fight with them also...their negativities and these types of beliefs bring unhappiness and screws the life of others present in their house, their friends, relatives etc.

 

Hmmmm...when these people will realise and change??????????????????

Imagine if they are your wife, husband, parents and children, whom you can not leave and go and have to carry them in your life!!!!!!!!!!...wofffffff, life becomes horrible, is it not????

what to do...we have all such people on earth....

keep rocking guys!

rams

What is Love-Part 23

hai all...

"neurotransmitters, hormones and other chemicals of brain and body matter a lot in the perception of love...i.e type, extent of love etc which makes the love behaviours at that time"

"nature has produced all of us with more appetite for love...yes...every one can love many people to the same extent with or without sexual element in it...but the issue is 'possessiveness'...one might say 'i love all these people, romantically too...but i don't like them being romantic with any one else!'...there comes the problem!...and possessiveness is so strong like id that it can lead to legal issues.

when a person is full of happiness, he or she radiates love...there are some who are always happy...not bothered about anything on earth...but they do fullfil their responsibilities at home and with relationships...they perceive only positive in everything and with every one and in every life event...so they are happy and people around them are happy...such people are loved by all...can they love all?...even if they love two or three out of this all, what will happen?...the possessiveness will come and separate all...so 'radiating' people eventually become 'radiationless' people!"

"Love is a word that is overused and misused till it means nothing at all. If you think about it, there are Eskimos who have 200 different words for what we simply call "snow" because it is so important in their lives for so many different purposes. We have one word for love. We love our mothers, our lovers, our children, our friends, our country, God, the beautiful sunset last night, the dress Susan was wearing yesterday, and the book we read last week. There is no way we feel the same way about our mothers and our lovers, let alone all those other things. And this doesn't even get into questions of quality or quantity. If love is really important to us, than we need new words to describe it more accurately"

on the above posts there was a post from a specialist...now read that...

"I do not believe it's about "possessiveness", and also I do not believe the right amount of "possessiveness" is a bad thing.

It just answers to a super-basic instinct. The purpose of a couple, in Nature, isn't "love", you know...

 But in a human couple, "dedication" is a fundamental part of Love relationships.

Never seen a "open relationship" REALLY work.

 In other words. If we think of "love" as the unconditioned acceptance of alla and every behavior, characteristic, act and so on of somebody else, we're talking friendship, maybe.

But as a relationship is involved, Love takes a series of characteristics that allow that relationship to endure.

Otherwise, we're in the "friendship with benefits" field, in which there's no tie and no bond and no real commitment.

We're in a wild pack again, and the only thing that matters is to be free.

 But again, in Nature nobody is "free".

There's been that beautiful research on "animal ethics", which stated that "animals are ethic because they can't afford not to be".

We're so "against" ties and bonds and rules, but have we stopped and stepped aside to see what those ties and bonds and rules exist for?

 Everything has a purpose, and nothing is done randomly at hazard, in Nature..."

i hope it is not confusing and something is fructifying in your mind regarding love...ok guys...bye...see you...

if you notice here...some are talking about love which is felt by all in common...some are talking about their personal experiences and opinions...

rams

What is Love-Part 22

hai all...let us read this post from a specialist...

"""there's another huge, and very common, confusion here in this. The confusion between "who you are" and "what you do".


These two things are not the same, and not at the same level.

Do you know the "Logical Levels" model, which Robert Dilts elaborated from an earlier Gregory Bateson's one?

"Behaviors", meaning "What you do", like "to do something" or "to say something", are quite far from Identity, meaning "Who you are", separated by "Skills" and, especially, "Values and Beliefs" levels.


Now, this thing of "being what you do" is, again one of the biggest mistakes (and the most limiting beliefs) EVER.

It keeps people from changing. "If I do something different, I'm not 'me' anymore!".

No, what we should tend to is "to do what we are", which is a totally different thing, and has to do with ethics, self-worth, self-respect, and following who we truly are...

 Yes, nobody would ask his/her loved one to change WHO HE/SHE IS in order to be loved.

Yet, it may well happen that someone asks the loved one to change some of his/her BEHAVIOR in order to make the relationship work, or to keep it in good shape.

And you know what? It shouldn't be a problem, because this would happen ONLY when such behaviors are in conflict with some REALLY DEEP value/belief/goal or mission in one's life... or in the life of the relationship itself.
This said, I fundamentally agree with your other points.


 Yes, we all are able to "romantically" love more than one person at a time. And this is one of the reasons I have a personal war against romanticism: it becomes an alibi against commitment.

we cannot stand more than ONE relationship at a time. And this is why I pointed out that we must make a distinction between love as a sentiment/feeling/emotion (?) and a love relationship...

To me, love is also something I decide to commit to and convert into a relationship.

And at that point, I'll take responsibility for that decision, and act accordingly, for the One that I am and the One that my partner is will integrate to become a Bigger ONE, to which both belong to and to which both will give priority... The "US" that is made of two fully functioning, complete Ones.

And I also agree with the quotation, It IS the ultimate "investment". """

rams

What is Love-Part 21

hai all...so, what is the opposite of love...hatred or fear?....it continues...the opinions of others...

"Hatred is driven by fear"

"I agree that fear is the opposite of love"

"All the books I've read also says that every moment we are either choosing fear or love. The outcomes of our actions and the response and our world also depends on what we choose - fear or love"

"Yes, and it think it all comes down to fear or love as a under-pinnings for most of our ideals and behaviors anywhere from desiring greed and wars to desiring equality and peace"

now the comment from me...about love...

"love is a feeling that needs to be focused on committed relationships. while love is universal and unconditional, relationships are always conditional. That is why in most circumstances multiple relationships do not work very well. There is always pain in multiple relationships. That is why divorce becomes necessary. So that you can get out of a relationship to go into another. otherwise everything will be messy. As it is impossible to accept a lover having another lover apart from you. If you get attracted to another person which may happen, not to pursue the other person. Instead go inwards and see what feelings that the other person evoked in you and be with the feelings instead of chasing your new love. Also i happened to come across a new research by some stanford guy that says that women more than men prefer or attracted to different partners in a safe and nonthreatening situation!

hmmm...it is easy to say, but practically is it possible?...there are n number of people with this 'multiple' headache issue, unable to come out of it!

why this damn nature has given the ability to multiple loves and 'networked' relationships"

here is a comment from another person....

"Well, yes...some people are gluttons for love, sex, and punishment. But in all seriousness, I think we can have more than one romantic love at the same time...why not...does the God of love say you have your share with one love...you can love more than one (romantically) each for different reasons. I wonder if we have a large capacity for love (a good thing), it could give rise to such a dilemma (or whatever you want to call it)"


now some more comments about love....

"I Think love is the spiritual gasoline, and it´s personal, when you can understand this felling you can share with all the people"

"I realize this may sound like a sentimental response, but it isn't. Love is the ultimate investment in another person, of intervention, comfort, encouragement, insight, listening, objectivity, and practicality. Love considers what the other person wants as sacred, and will never emotionally exploit or coerce. This has always been a significant issue for therapists."

so, how is it going guys?...plse respond, so that i know what is happening!

rams

What is Love-Part 20

hai all...we are discussing what is love?...i think if we see what is the opposite of love, then it would add more value...so here we go...

what is the opposite of love...fear or hatred?...let us hear from an expert abroad...

one of the professors said opposite of love is not fear and it is hatred...so here is a comment to that from another specialist...

thanks for commenting in response to my fear seems the opposite of love to me....and your thought about hatred being a more accurate representation of the opposite to love. I hear that and can track with that on one level.

 However, I wonder really what is beneath 'hatred' - I think of hatred as the "feeling" level of something deeper in the core.

Something that stems out of a broken emotional state that is a complex thing...maybe erupting out of what I call "fear" which is compiled of who knows what - but is only cast out fully by LOVE.

 Kind of like Dark is really a "nothing" place and is only filled up by Light. So Caring and kindness and inclusion etc. are 'feelings' that we see as enactments of the core place of "love" that is like a gift.

I think of Faith/Hope/Love all as gifts that flow from within us. And the gifts or results of these are care, kindness, etc.

The 'opposite' would be hate, meanness, evil, cruelty, envy, greed, etc. that would step out of "FEAR"...i.e. the opposite of Love.

The core..... So that is why I take the "term" Love and set it apart....from the way I think the "world" uses it in everyday language.

 I don't think it is a concept that can really be fully captured by a word. Kind of like I don't think God is a concept that can be fully captured by a word. We end up "making" God in our own image....because that's all we really know....but G-d....is way beyond anything we can really capture fully.

Well....I think that is the same for Love. And in some sense....maybe metaphorically....I think the two are inter-changeable. However - the mysterious thing that when we are most "fully" human - in our humanity - I think we are image bearers of the Dei...as in Imago Dei.

Anyway - I appreciate that Hatred in the way we "experience" it as a feeling....certainly gives a better picture of being "opposite" of the way we would think of experiencing "love" and yet.....also - I think Love can be harsh in its fullest presence. In its most Severe Mercy - but always Good.



This may wander further....i.e. Another metaphor for concepts like.... "Love" and/or "Good" contrasted to "Fear" / "Hatred" / "Evil"...is in Miroslav Volf’s “Exclusion and Embrace:

A Theological Exploration of Identity, Otherness and Reconciliation” where he presents the theme of the identification of the “other” as the root of conflict in the context of “exclusion” and “embrace” as a metaphorical representation of reconciliation and inclusiveness promoting relationship between people and groups.

Volf focuses on identity as a theme relating to human relationships and emphasizes that the future of the world may be tied to how we deal with identity and difference.

Exclusion occurs when we objectify people, removing them from ourselves as wholly “other”. Separating ourselves from others in rejection does violence to both the individual and social fabric with which we are connected.

Contrasted to this, the metaphor of embrace seeks to express the will to give ourselves to others and “welcome” them, to readjust our identities, and to make space for them; all of which is prior to any judgment about them, except that of identifying them in their humanity.

The will to embrace precedes any “truth” about others and any construction of their “justice.” This will is absolutely indiscriminate and strictly immutable; it transcends the moral mapping of the social world into “good” and “evil.”


Volf’s writing is deep and credible for many reasons. He is a professor at Yale University, and was born and raised in former Yugoslavia and lived in the midst of ethnic violence for many years, experiencing this kind of suffering first hand.

Well anyway - I enjoy the dialogue...thanks!


did you learn something new?...did you enjoy this?

ok , bye , see you in the next post...

rams

What is Love-Part 19

hai all...what is 'self love'?

The most important of all is to love oneself (not to be confused with being "in love" withoneself, which is a very suspect state of affairs!).

"Self-love is a state of appreciation for oneself that grows from actions that support your physical, psychological and spiritual growth. Self-love is dynamic; it grows by actions that mature you"

"Become mindful. People who have more self-love tend to know what they think, feel and want authentically. They are mindful of who they are and act on this knowledge rather than on what others want for them."

Self-love is a psychological concept that includes a set of attitudes and actions that are vital to your whole being.

It’s become such a popular idea that many see the lack of self-love as the reason for many personal problems, especially those that involve romantic love.

 I’m sure you have said, or heard someone say to you, recently: “You have to love yourself more?” “Why don’t you love yourself?” “If you only loved yourself more, you would choose better friends and lovers, or you’d leave that employer who treats you so poorly.”


All you need is (self) love is the message, here. But, just because the idea of self-love has become part of everyday language, don’t mistake it as a trivial concept.

Self-love is just as important to your personal growth, as better hygiene and health habits was to the flourishing of cultures worldwide.

The more you love yourself, the better your self-confidence and self-esteem. If you don’t love yourself enough, you might not protect yourself in ways that are vital to your welfare and growth.

You may let other people take advantage of you, or not stick up for yourself, when needed. You may stay too long in romantic relationships or jobs that are bad for you. Or, you may eat poorly, drink too much, or indulge in other habits that are bad for your health.

Self-love helps you to decide for, rather than against, your mental, emotional, and spiritual health. It is a healthy expression of narcissism.

A healthy amount of love for ourselves that leads us to protect ourselves against harm and to choose experiences that grow rather than debilitate us. But, don’t mistake this form of self-love as pathological narcissism that describes a serious personality disorder.

Healthy and pathological narcissism are different ends of the self-love phenomenon.


So, what should you start to do to bring more healthy self-love into your life? Should you get a beauty makeover or buy a new set of clothing? Or, can a new relationship make you love yourself more? The answer to all of these questions is no.

Although they feel good and are gratifying, you can’t grow in self-love through these types of activities. Since, self-love is not simply a state of feeling good.

When you act in ways that expand self-love, you begin to: accept your weaknesses and strengths, have less need to explain away your short-comings, have compassion for yourself, as a human being struggling to grow in purpose and meaning, are more centered in your life purpose and values, and expect that you will get fulfillment through your own efforts.

The Seven-Step Prescription for Self-Love that follows shows you how to do this.

1.  Become mindful. People who have more self-love tend to know what they think, feel and want authentically. They are mindful of who they are and act on this knowledge rather than on what others want for them.

2.  Act on what you need, rather than what you want. You show self-love when you can turn away from something that feels good and exciting to what you need to stay strong, centered, and moving forward in your life. By staying focused on what you need, you turn away from automatic behavior patterns that get you into trouble, keep you stuck in the past, and lessen self-love.

3.  Practice good self-care. You will love yourself more, when you take better care of your basic needs. People high in self-love nourish themselves daily through growth promoting activities, like sound nutrition, exercise, proper sleep, intimacy and healthy social interaction.

4.  Set boundaries. You’ll love yourself more when you set limits or say no to work, love and activities that deplete or harm you physically, emotionally and spiritually or just simply express poorly who you are.

5.  Protect yourself. Bring the right people into your life. I love the term frenemies that I learned from my younger clients. It describes so well the type of people who take pleasure in your pain and loss rather than in your happiness and success. My command to you here: Get rid of them! There isn’t enough time in your life to waste on people who want to take away the shine on your face that says, “I genuinely love myself and life”. You will love and respect yourself more.
6.  Live intentionally. You will accept and love yourself more, whatever is happening in your life when you live with purpose and design. Your purpose doesn’t have to be crystal clear to you. Even if you aim at living a meaningful and healthy life, you will make decisions that support this intention and feel good about yourself when you succeed in this purpose. To feel good about ourselves, we like to know where we are going and if we are accomplishing what we set out to do.
7.  Forgive yourself. Oh, we humans can be so hard on ourselves. I guess the downside of taking responsibility for our actions is recognition of where we went wrong along the way. The risk here is to punish ourselves for not knowing better or knowing and proceeding anyway. A part of self-love is accepting your humanness and that to be human means you are not perfect. You can’t grow unless you learn from your failures as well as your successes.


If you choose just one or two of these self-love actions to work on, you will begin to accept and love yourself more. Just imagine how much you’ll appreciate you when you exercise these seven-steps to self-love in your life. Although the saying that you have to love yourself before another person can truly love you is true. It’s also true that it takes self-love to allow and encourage other people to love themselves in the same way.

Thus, the more self-love you have, the better prepared you are for healthy intimate relating. You will, also, start to attract people and circumstances to you that support the health of your heart, mind, and spirit.

rams

What is Love-Part 18

hai all...here we continue...

comments from abroad specialists...

"love, with me, is a process for reflection ourself. It makes we know what we need. hopeful. trustful to some one, who can make we laugh, happy, follow inner values, and in the end, make we know how we live."

" Study after study has shown that people who have pets are better of both psychologically and physically. Not because the pets do anything but because when the juices of love flows, it just plain keeps us healthy. For someone who lives alone, it is especially an advantage to have a pet to daily appreciate and love in order to maintain health. So there"

"I think Love is a state of mind at any any given time.It can be joy, sad, Love its self, but it is a "feeling" that comes when your whole body agrees with your head"

"A loving lioness will readily kill any predator who would harm her cub, but I can't see her being so ready to kill anyone who attacks the lion which has just mated with her. I think evolutionary psychology can also tell us something about love"

"Hmmm....interesting thoughts on "Love"...such a complex and illusive concept.

 For me...I categorize Love and Fear as "emotions" and then "feelings" as other expressions that flow from these two core place of "being" as a human.

So these "places" within us are complex...because they involve physicality, spirituality, and dimensions we may not be fully aware of that go beyond even sight, smell, hearing, touch, etc....and yet include these as well.

And I don't think Love stands alone. So it involves "the other" and "The Other"...as Martin Buber would describe....i.e. when two come together as "I" and "Thou" there becomes something more in the "in-between" space of "both".

So "love" and "Love" for me...even meld together. And I believe "literally" and "subjectively" that God IS Love...so G-d flows in and through and around all of us - and inspires Love within and between us.

The best metaphor I can come up with - is as a Mother and the emotion of Love that just IS with her baby, child, teenager, adult-child - no matter what their life ends up being. Love just is. Somewhere deep within it IS.

It is not made...it is. And similar is the mystery that occurs when two people come together in a committed relationship like marriage. So many complicated factors in what draws two people together.

Often as Crabb says....in the beginning with undifferentiated or non individuated states of being we may be like two ticks and no dog....but hopefully under the important meaningful arrangement of "covenant" (different than commitment) comes the umbrella covering to work through, to grow each other up, and to "become" so much more (through various crucibles - I think of Shnark-Passionate Marriage) as we learn to be more for and with each other in that particular relationship with "the other".

And this applies to other relationships out there as well - as we shed our narcissism....slowly and learn how to be our best - which is our most human good - within the imago dei we were created in to reflect.

So we are always searching and becoming more - and love and Love is the end all......and we get to grow/go there.....through various pathways including the fun of "feelings" if we so choose to engage fully.

And if we don't - we will be drawn.....eventually. One way or another. Given our freedom of choice.

 The opposite of Love is Fear. And Love casts out all fear....and living life most fully is without fear and that is in the fullness of love and Love"

how is it? did you enjoy these comments?

ok, be standby to read more....

rams

What is Love-Part 17

hai all....this is from a specialist from abroad...

"we need to make a distinction first.

Are we talking "love" as a sentiment? A feeling? Or are we talking "love" as a relationship? And in this case, WHICH relationship?

There are many different "loves".

The love of parents for their sons is different from love for a partner, and both are different from "360° unconditioned love".

The Ancient Greeks had three different words for those "loves".

There is "philia", which is parents' love (even in a extended, figurated meaning).

There's "eros", which involves sex and passion, and is the marital love (and more, but let's stay with the basics here).

And there is "agape", which is the unconditional love, given without expecting anything in trade, 360° love, pure and "platonic".

Each one of these "loves" implies and involves different relationships.

But, "love" is always unconditioned, as a feeling.

It comes from inside, is a powerful energy we all have, and it doesn't depend on anybody else. And it's OUR DECISION to take that 360° feeling and concentrate it as a laser on a single other person, the one with which we'd like to share our life.

And this means starting a relationship...

When it comes to relationships, though, the relationship HAS conditions.

 It simply can't have not. So I strongly believe that nowadays, with this fad for "unconditional love" AND the confusion between the sentiment/feeling itself and the relationship it implies, we're in trouble..

 And to me, it sounds a lot like an alibi for letting commitment out of relationships, especially the marital ones.

But it may well be me. I'm "old school", in this, and I believe a relationship can only work in time if there's a set of shared "rules" that BOTH partners commit to and make their best effort in respecting.

And as these rules are freely accepted to begin with, it'a matter of taking responsibility for our free decisions. If we don't want to commit, then we should be in no relationship, as without commitment there can be no stable relationship.."

how is it?????

let us see more later...

rams

What is Love-Part-16

hai all...

looks like every human being on earth who is grown up has seen the heights and depths of love, are great poets and writers in love are enlightened people with respect to love!...

 why every culture, every human being has different view or definition or expereince of love...

yes....god is the best form of love...as god is our perception...as to who it is ....whether Lord Rama (hindu mythology)...or Lord Subramanya....or Lord RamaSubramanian (LOLLLLLLLLL!!!)...or jesus...for me Lord or God is Nature...it gives me immmmense love and happiness and go(o)d health!

God has sent dogs as its representative of unconditional love!

when i was in another country my interpreter used to talk to his wife over phone...with lots of love and affection...i used to admire his talk...though he spoke in a different language which i did not understand i could make out from his facial expressions that he is just melting out of love...this went on for many days...once i could not stop my curiosity and temptation, as i was living in those extreme climate without my wife, so i asked him 'do you love your wife sooooooo much!'...he just gave the phone to me and said 'yes...talk to my wife!'...i only heard 'bow...bow...kkkmmmm...kkkmmm' sound!

I wondered and looked at him puzzled...he just laughed and said 'I divorced my animal wife and got this real animal wife few months back!...my life has never been beautiful like this after i got my new wife!'...when i come for job i just give her all that she wants and keep talking to her from my office! we are happily married!'...it was a 5 months old puppy dog! 

rams

What is Love?-part 15

hai guys...how are we?...here we go with more information on love!!

yes...the movies of india about 10 years back, had more of sorrows than happiness in love...even the tv serials today show about 95% sadness, vengence, anger etc in family dynamics...very very less of happines, just to break the monotony!

but the movies of today in india are aimed at teens who do not want to cry or feel sad...as the oldies are glued to tv serials at homes...

so, the movies of today portray more of happiness in love, how the youngsters f up their love etc.

'paasa malar' is one tamil movie which broke the records of showing the love between a brother and sister!...those days people liked it. But my daughter laughs during any scenes of sadness, as she is finding it overacting, too much of emotions etc. Today the teens like light emotions and more of fun and happiness!

that is a good change, as love should only bring happiness or anything that brings happiness only is love!

though name is to identify a person, i feel a human being should identify himself or herself only through the personality attributes and not by name...so, don't care, as i also don't care or mind, about spelling or pronouncing my name!...LOL!...may be the name only sums up the personality...!

animals...yes, they are much more than human beings in being human!...we are the worst animals on earth!... i typed once a long post in my blog (funnyrams.blogspot.com) about my analysis of leading to this statement. I will find it out and post here!. Even otherwise we can understand that the unconditional love of animals, especially dogs, is incomparable, even with that of the mother!...dogs define what an unconditional love is!

animals are generally happy...human beings are not...because animals give unconditional love...human beings give only conditional love...'if you give me emotional, physical, financial, social and legal support, i will love you...other wise not!'...this is the case between the spouses...friends...lovers...

is there any spouse who loves his or her better half if that person does not offer anything said above...loving just for the individual...treating that individual as a 'baby' and offering unlimited love?...is there any one?...

also, once you love a person, how can you hate him?...you have always loved that person...whom you hate is the changed person...!

rams

What is Love-Part 14

hai all...now let us hear from a post grad from Univ of Houston...of course, my friend...

"I understand love more as a feeling. Again I am quoting here.

"When you love somebody, don't express it too much in words. Love is like a seed. If you express it too much in words, it can't sprout in the air outside.

There is a problem both in East and West with love. In the East they don't express love at all. They have love, but expression is lacking. In the West it is expressed too much in words. In either way it doesn't grow deep and powerful and strong.

If a seed is buried very deep under the ground, it cannot sprout. If it is above ground it also doesn't sprout. It needs to be somewhere in between.

When you tell somebody, "Oh, I love you so much, I love you so much!" -- then all that you have spent is just words. Instead, just be. Don't even tell the person you love them. You will see that love flows in your action, in your look, in your life. Your love becomes very active.

A person who is fully aware -- one you may call an enlightened person -- will never say, "Oh, Larry, I love you so much!" This they will never say. But in their very look, Larry can feel that love. In their very breath, in their very presence, love simply permeates. Do you see what I mean?

Use less words as far as love is concerned. When you hug someone or bring them a flower, when you shake hands or you look at them, or even speak a few words, that person can feel that authentic love in you. You don't have to say, "Oh, I love you!" so much. See that? " Sri Sri Ravi Shankar.

yes, Love can only be felt. Words are great. But mere words alone will not express love. Words need to be followed by authenticity in thoughts and actions and emotions and authenticity"

rams

Should we work with a boss who is our college mate or room mate or class mate or hostel mate in the same organisation?

hai guys...

All of us study in colleges, get job at some place...and at the work place some times our close friend, college friend, room mate, class mate becomes our boss...we would have ‘cheers’ed the glasses with him...slept on the same bed...watched the same ’movie’...shared the shirt, smoke, sips etc...

Now what happens in an organisational environment...

If two close friends become ‘boss-subordinate’ either their friendship will suffer or official relationship will suffer. Both can not remain bang on. So, it is better to leave the organisation or section or department and work for a different boss.

This is because our expectations from a relationship called ‘friend’ is different from our expectations from a relationship called ‘boss’ or ‘subordinate’. Boss, subordinate, friend are different social statuses. The roles are different. Responsibilities are different. So, are the expectations.

When he behaves like a boss, you will see or expect him to be your friend, and therefore you may not like his way of talking, behaving, body gestures etc. When he behaves like your friend the bossy guy will expect him to behave like a subordinate.

I have seen that people are unable to handle both roles effectively. i.e ‘boss’ and ‘friendship role’ by one guy. ‘subordinate’ and ‘friendship’ role by the other guy.

now the comments....

• uncle in my point of view..a friend is one who respects his friend when he is his boss or a begger or watever he may be!!!!bcoz he is also a important person who knows the struggle, hardships his friend had gone through to reach a high position in his or her life......!but if a friend is turning to foe after he or she is becoming boss then it is not the meaning of true friendship.....

   

  my comment....

   

   
• hai ...thank you for the comment...I understand what you are saying...in any organisation the boss is expected to meet some functional goals...he expects his subordinates to meet some targets...so, he expects his friend under him also to swing and rise up to the required level of performance...it is the 'way' in which he makes the friend-subordinate to work that matters...he can talk in a hurtful or not-hurtful way...it also depends upon how the subordinate perceives.....the subordinate also has to understand the role of a boss, the role of a subordinate and work accordingly without thinking that 'he is my friend, how can he handle me or treat me like that etc'...in an organisation every one is same...boss can not treat the friend-subordinate in a special manner...whereas the 'friend-subordinate might expect him to give him special concessions, treatments and a soft eye which is not possible...in a nut shell both have to understand that in an organisational context they are boss and subordinate...and outside the organisation they are just friends...problem will come if they expect the other to behave like a 'friend inside work premises' and the boss guy 'bosses' out side the organisation also....why all these hassles....it is better they work separately in different organisations...the friendship will survive...out of the two roles I think both should give importance to the 'friendship' role, as it is permanent for life....organisational role will come and go...it is short lived...

   

  rams

How to know who loves more in a love relationship?

hai guys...

let us assume that you are in love relationship with some one...now, how to know who loves more than the other...or who loves less than the other?

The one who loves less, controls the relationship!

so, if you are controlling the relationship, then you are loving less than the other person. If the other person is controlling the relationship, then he or she is loving less and you are loving more.

But the issue is, if we start measuring and evaluating like this, no love will survive!...there is no competition here...love can not be measured...this way of measuring by comparison is no way of measuring...so, just enjoy!

keep rocking!

rams

What is Love-Part 13

hai guys...how are we?...hope you are enjoying these posts...and are useful to you....if you are reading it for the first time, please read this series from the first mail, or else you may not enjoy...as it is a continuous thread...

"too much of deep analysis of love...now a lighter one...

After being married for thirty years....a wife asked her husband to describe her.
He looked at her slowly...then said, "You're A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H.... I, J, K."
She asks..... "What does that mean?"
He said, "Adorable, Beautiful, Cute, Delightful, Elegant, Foxy, Gorgeous, Hot.
She smiled happily and said...."Oh, that's so lovely......
What about I, J, K?"
He said, "I'm Just Kidding!"

His eye is still swollen....but it will get better.............
(men just never know when to quit!)

now, how to find out whether a husband is really loving a wife or lover or not?...what tool to use?...is time duration or quality of romance a measurement for extent of love?...many girls use this as the tool to measure a man's love...i think it is not correct...the truth is most of the men do not know how to show their love in the way a girl can appreciate...they just love...that is all...don't know how to express it by words or behaviours!...i think a guy who works his butts off burning his body and life for just to see happy smiles and good family dynamics at home is the best lover!...he may not find time or energy or most often even not know how to show his love...his way of showing is to make sure that they get everything what they want to see his wife or lover or kids or parents or in-laws happy and enjoying their lives...some even accept multiple relationships for his wife...there are such highly noble people...of course, there can be such working girls too who love their family this way. Are they not real gods of love?...though our girls mistake them to be not loving and look for another person for romance, physical relationships, emotional support, attention, etc. But if we look into the eyes and brain of these girls they are also right as they need that too to make the life round, otherwise there is always a void which pulls them down, and all that the guy is doing may not make them smile and be happy...once the girl is not happy forget about others being happy in side the home!...house is four walls of brick...home is where the love and happiness dominate with all its dynamite dynamics!

rams

What is Love-Part-12

hai all...a comment i received from a scotland based professor is as follows...

"My comment is for M R M. Sorry, would not be able to type your last name correctly. So, let le call you M.R.M.
I read your dissertation on the theme of love here and the first reaction I had was ... Memories. 70s. Raj Kapoor's movies. I wasn't born and raised in US. So for those who never saw indian movies: Drama, lots of tears, very often death, and a lot of music. Love stories.
First and foremost, every culture has its definition of "love". I read some comments, and everybody referred to a love between humans. You all forgot about love that animals feel, love our pets give us. An unconditional, survive-anything love... Humans are not capable of that kind of love. I experienced shock in my first years in America, when people referred to cats or dogs, any other pet as "it". It shocked me. Animals have a heart, a soul, they feel pain and happiness, compassion and anger etc much bigger and deeper than humans. And call them "it" shocked and repulsed me. Love is what makes one happy, it is what makes one feel like walking on air. Love is when your heart aches and longs for that someone you feel connected on intellectual, physical, and emotional levels. Again, Every culture has its definition of love. I cannot talk for all cultures. I can only say about a culture I came from, and about my observations about cultures surrounded me. Selfless love vs, selfish love. Restoring love vs self- districting love. Religious love vs "scientific" love. Platonic love vs physical love. We can talk about it for years. It all comes to What One Feels. It all comes to how one perceives an object of one's effection. An upbringing plays a very important role. Remember, we are born as tabula rasa- blank plank. What genealogy and social surrounding put on our plank defines our approach to every aspect of our emotional behavior toward others. Sorry for the long comment. Nobody can give one definition of love. That is how I look at it"

my observation is as follows....

every emotional relationship changes a person...his attitudes and many other aspects of personality gets changed...as there is a chemical reaction between the personality attributes of both the individuals...specially adaptability...every human being starts with the default emotional relationship of father, mother, grand parents, siblings and it goes on endlessly with more relationships called 'friendship'...other relationships are limited by number...so, with every emotional relationship a human being evolves into another new human being...depending upon his or her flexibility to adapt to each and every emotional relationship...so, we change continuously...we are never the same...as i said the survival challenges can change even the hardest of the hard personality attribute...when high morals, ethics play with love, he becomes an enlightened person ultimately...as all sorts of personalities he or she comes across chisel the person into find round highest flexible personality with high maturity...lots of crying, lots of longingness, lots of happiness, all these make a person to carve himself or herself...only thing is the person should challenge all these and withstand to become an enlightened one...all those who agree with my above philosophy can hit LIKE"

rams

What is Love?...Part-11

haiiiiiiiiiiiii all...how are we? (smile)...as usual, the warning, if you are reading it for the first time, i suggest you read from mail one of this topic...

one might think the other person is not beautiful and lovable etc. But repeated interaction brings in the chemical reaction and they start loving each other...it might be only physical attraction or real love based on loving of personality attributes...so, after the honey moon is over when the spade work starts the clouds will be clear and they will know whether it is only physical attraction or real love...so, repeated interaction can lead to love.

also if we leave two disliking people of same sex or opposite sex in an isolated place or in a condition where survival is challenged, i think all their differences will get ironed out, have to help each other, have to support physically, emotionally etc leading to sexually too...so, love can bloom out of survival instincts too!...here too possibility exists of separation (if only physical and survival was conceived in the minds) once the survival challenge disappears!....hmmmm, human beings are great!

also one sides loves are common...one can love, but the other may not...
even if the other person loves, the depth and width can be different...
the durations may be different...one might continue loving, the other might withdraw....

there are some people who love (?) a person for just one time mating!

there are some people who chase people just for making the other person to love...they chase many like this...may not mate or continue the relationship...just they want to make them fall for them...that is it!...mentally sick people!...but how to know they are sick?...so, many fall and later on realise after things get messed up nicely!

time,energy and money is spent a lot by many on chasing people for love, by youngsters and grown ups equally!...some even loose jobs, realtionships, wealth, status, even life in this game of love!

one might love more people to the same deep extent...the natures defintion shows that it is possible...two might be loving each other, but there can be others who love them deeply!

woffffffffffff....what all issues this word 'love' has created and complicated!...'possessiveness' adds fuel to the fire and burns up many life and lives!

hmmm....why did nature give this damn love yaaaaaaaaaaaaaar!

ok, atleast, let us keep rocking!

rams

What is Love - Part-10

Haiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii jingle bells!...how are we?

here we go...but read from post one on this topic to understand it better...ok!

"The word love in the English language anyway, is used in widely varying ways. It may mean the desire to be loved by a particular person, it may mean sex, it may mean fear (as in the fear of losing one who is precious), it may mean a focus on another person or thing or event that involves the embrace of the meaning the object of love has for the person loving the object.

This last type of love is the kind of love that allows a person to care for their enemy, or sacrifice their own physical well-being or emotional comfort for the well-being of others. This kind of love can help a person to persist in a circumstance in which there seems no way of surviving, and to push ahead until they survive against all odds. It is the embrace of the meaning of one’s own life.

This kind of love looks for the context of the object of love. It never stops looking for context, and thus is more objective and practical than just about any other emotion. This kind of love can and does effectively resolve our fears, in as much as our fears always come at the expense of a sense of the context of our circumstances.

God is this kind of love.

One may love God, and this love affords the person a sense of one’s absolute meaning, in as much as God is associated with our life’s origin and purpose. When one feels loved by God, they feel one with their life’s meaning and purpose. This self-harmony may generate a palpable feeling of peace, even in the face of great trouble"

rams

What is Love?....Part - 09

hai guys...if you are reading this thread for the first time, i suggest you read in sequence from the first mail on this topic...

hope i have not confused you too much! i am glad that you asked this question!

what i understand is: just love people. you don't need a reason to love people. also have not too much expectations on your loved ones so that love can freely flow by transcending the relationship expectations and requirements!

also sometimes we may not agree with everything said. but later it may start making sense to us! so i just hear everything with an open mind and leave it if i don't really agree or understand! anyway this world is full of mysteries. no one can understand everything in this universe including love and especially love!

My addition to this is below…

yes...it is nicely explained with examples...the explanation has cleared the cloud...

we understand many things in life the way we have been taught...the way we have experienced...the way others have experienced and explained and have convinced us...but it may not be actually true, happy-healthy-success giving...if some belief or experience is not giving us these three then what is the point in following it...

same way, love is understood by every one differently....what the spiritual leader says is true...when we give it a restricted understanding then it leads to a relationship and affects it... with expectations, possessiveness etc....

i understand love as 'happy emotions'....a happy feeling...yes, we are made of love…(so, let us not make ourselves with ‘unhappy emotions’ or negative emotions)….it can come from any one or any place or any situation....we love that person or situation or place....moment we tie ourselves with that person that all the above said things will torture us and the source of happiness...the source of love will become a source of pain, sorrows etc........so, let the love be there...love all...love everything...love every life situation.....as everything, every one has a positive element to give us happiness!

moment we tie up with people based on love then we give it a name we know like frienship, husband, wife, lover, sister, brother etc....some times we also feel 'dei! i don't what sort of a relationship it is daa...it is not friendship...it is not husband...it is not wife...it is not sister...it is not brother...it is something different daaa!'....so we are unable to name it....let it not be named...moment we name with one of the above relationships, you will agree with me that there will be a restriction in exchange of love...i.e exchange of happy emotions....positive emotions......as each relationship has a restriction of exchange of information, feelings, etc...each relationship has an envelope of everything in which the people concerned dwell....the spiritual leader says...let it remain without any name...so that there is no restriction of exchange of love...and the source of happiness remains to be a source of happiness for ever!

hope i have added more info to it and not confused more...this is my understanding of love paaa....'sex' is an element which pollutes the meaning of love...we always understand love with a bit of sex...we are unable to understand love without sex....and we have given lots of sacredness to sex....also nature has created many forces of making opposite sexes to get attracted to each other...and we call it love....whereas the spiritual leader says love can exist between any two human beings...it is beyond gender etc....

ok guys...let meet in the next part later...bye...keep rocking!

peacefully yours....

rams

a comparison between US and India! (with respect to grooming of children)

hai all...how are we???

in US a thirteen year old girl or boy is groomed to an extent of making their own decisions in most of the life events...they are capable of deciding their destiny...

in india parents say like this...(common for both genders)

at 15 year old 'kid'..."oh! she is child! what does she know!"

at 30 years while seeing a match for marriage..."what does he know! he is a small boy! we only have to look for a girl for him!"...to the other party "oh, our son is a good boy. He will listen to us. We need not ask him. You go ahead with the marriage arrangements!"

after marriage...."She is an innocent girl! Can get cheated easily. Let us go and check up what they are doing!"

at the age of 55..."what does he know!...we only have to do something for our grand daughter. She is ready for marriage!"

I don't know what our parents do?...they keep saying they are grooming their children...to be good and with value systems...but for what?...all organisms prepare their off springs to get their own food and protect them from enemies...are we not preparing our off springs to decide their own destiny and live a life on their own...how long we will keep thinking that 'he (or she) does not know anything and we only have to do everything!"...how long we will keep thinking that "we have a responsibility to look after our kids!"...when will they look after themselves?...when will they grow?...

Will there be any time in india when the children can do their chores, prepare their own food, keep their living room neat and hygienic, wash their own clothes and make it ready, select their own school, subjects, friends, college, course, job, life mate, place of living etc etc.?????

a comment received is...

Actually I think some parents don't want to detach themselves from their children, no matter how old the children get! Such parents tend to brain wash the kids into believing that they cannot make any decisions for themselves! I had an uncle who always was the 'authoritative' figure deciding everything for all his kids, never asking for their opinions and inputs. So his children grew up with absolutely zero decision making skills and doubting their own skills and abilities for the rest of their lives! How can the children become self confident and reach their full potential if they are led to believe that they cannot make any good decisions about their own life? Usually with great freedom, comes great responsibility!

keep rocking guys!

rams

why to read about diseases and foods that are good or bad?

hai all...here is a post of mine in facebook...enjoy...


"Daddy, yenakku oru davuttu!" (daddy, i have got a doubt??)

all our news papers contain lots of information about diseases, good health habits, what to eat, importance of exercise etc...I have been reading mags for the past 30 years and they also have special columns for health...school text books also contain lots of information...then why india is the capital of diabetes, cardiac diseases and AIDS?...

we don't read those pages in mags, is it?
we don't read those columns in news papers?
we leave those chapters or pages in choice during school days?
or we read it for entertainment?
or we read it for time pass?
or we read it for preaching to others?
or we read it for making money out of it?
or we read it just for reading?
or we read it just for knowledge?

if these things are not useful, not read, then why to print them in text books, news papers and mags?

we can spend those pages for something useful to us. Is It not?

I wish the govt and media do something for this!


comment from some one...

•  yearly physical check up may help a lot and these check ups should especially check for all major diseases for which India holds records!

  
  

  my comment is...

  
  

  
  
•  sorry...we Indians go to doctor and hospitals only when we have some symptoms which affect our daily chores / routines. Even then we take an injection and get on with a job. Work is worship for us! Yearly physical check up is a money making gimmick. We believe in dying with out affecting others' lives. If we remain till old age we will bother others and affect their daily life. So, we prefer to die with heart attaché as it takes off life in few seconds with less pain to others. Jai Hind. (smile)

  
  

  
  

  who says cholesterol is bad...it is good...cholesterol means 'kozhuppu'...'kozhuppu irunthaa thaan thimir irukkum...thimir irunthaa thaan veeram irukkum...veeram irunthaa thaan maanam, rosham yellaam varum...veeram maanam rosham illaatti yenna manushan...these are the things which define our masculinity...aan pillaikku athuthaaney azhagu!...vaazhga veeram!...vaazhga vetkam!...vaazhga maanam!...vaazhga rosham!

   

  rams

'daddy, yenakku oru davuttu!"...(daddy, i have got a doubt???)

hai all...how are we?...here is a facebook posting of mine...



"Daddy, yenakku oru davuttu"...(daddy, I have got a doubt???)

there is a famous saying in tamil, which is taught to all school children...of course, tamil medium children...

'ullondru vaithhu puram ondru pesuvaar uravu kalavaamai vendum!'...meaning 'god, bless me not to have any relationship with people who think some thing and talk something else!'

if this is to be followed in life we should not have any relationship with our parents!!!!...whyyyyyyyyyyyyy?

daughter thinks "I want to do engg. Want to go to a good university abroad and do my higher studies. Want to become a scientist at places like NASA!...want to become like Kalpana Chawla or Sunita Williams"

parents think "it is time for her marriage as she has completed 20 years. Let us start looking at some matches"

Daughter knows the intentions of their parents...she also knows if she tells her wishes they will say 'What is not there with us!...we have big houses, many farm fields, lots of gold, wealth...why you need to work, struggle, go abroad and suffer?...who will enjoy all these properties if you go away?'...or they will say 'you are our only daughter! How can we live without you?'...if she argues with them then they will say 'Enough is enough! first get married and then go wherever you want and do what ever you want!...we want to complete our responsibility!'...how many girls agree to this, get married, and carry on abroad for studies or work, not for living with that guy and live a family life, though they don't hate family life and they also want to have one, of course, along with meeting their achievement motive, at a little later stage in life!


she knows all these...so, she plans some thing and tells her parents to keep them cool and make her moving towards her target.

wofff, parentsssss!!!...are they anything less?...how many movies, tv serials, news paper feeds and neighbour hood stories they have seen and heard. So, the mother will tell 'I know my daughter very well, I know what she thinks, I also know how to tackle her!'...so, she coolly says something to keep her daughter happy for that moment and plans something else at the back door!

the never ending tv serial or chess game continues in life between them forever!...parents think they are doing good for their daughter...daughter thinks they are not allowing her to fly, feel freedom and decide her destiny. Possessiveness, expectations, self beliefs of parentsss!

so, ullondru vaithhu puram ondru pesuvaar uravu venumaa...vendaamaa??????? (should we have the relationship of people who say something and talk something?) (I can see many winking and saying 'except parents', as however wicked their parents are, they want them, as they love them the most!)

hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm....(hey, I am only reflecting the beliefs, type of living of rural, semi urban people and people in urban cities but with 'rural' mind!)

some one made a comment like this....

• Truth is the greatest liberator in one's life. This kind of behavior does not teach children to be truthful in close relationships! It is not healthy to lie to close people! But when the demands do not match one's desires, such falseness exist! That is why it is good to let kids free to choose their own lives. Funny thing is that the parents want their kids married at the expense of their children's education and ambitions, even though most of the parents are not really happy in their own married life (esp if the parents also had to sacrifice what really makes them tick)! It is like ragging in colleges - students rag their juniors just because they were ragged by their seniors! Doesn't make sense! Instead if a truthful open conversation is had (instead of fake conversations), then everyone can know what is in the parent's and children's minds and hence come up with unique plans (not the same plan for every kid, but different plan for each kid depending on the kid's pursuits and interests) that is really good for every child.

  my comment is here....
• 
  

   thank you ji!...we are great parents of incredible india!...we are too responsible...you know, we dream about our children becoming big when they are in the womb itself...at that time itself we book for a seat in the best school...we ask the child when it is in lkg itself 'What you want to become?...doctor or engineer?...lawyer or IAS?...if you observe we are interested in making money!...'I wanted to become a doctor. I could not. I will make my son a doctor!'...'in my family all are doctors. I want my daughter to become an engineer'...these are famous statements here. What do the children know? (because we have grown them like that and we shamelessly boast about it!)...we only know everything and therefore we are deciding all these for their bright future...what do they know about selecting their life mate?...they don't have any experience!...we have! (my grandma used to say almost every day that she is happy and her life is beautiful only after the death of her husband!...most of the women here feel the same but they don't tell outside as it is not pleasantly accepted in the society)...the great epics Ramayana and Mahabharata teach lots of strategies for both parents and children!...my brother in law's son tells me when his parents are not there 'uncle, I know where to tap my parents!'...he has studied them nicely and thoroughly and achieves what he wants...his parents tell me (when he is not there) 'we know his weak points and we know where to tap him and trap him!'...an interesting game to watch!...I don't know what is going to be the climax, as he runs away from home at times, parents kneel down in principal's office...both are villains and heroes for themselves and the other person!...what a way to ruin our life and the life of our children! I am seriously humorous and humorously serious!

rams