Dear all...THIS IS FOR ALL PARENTS...
The old concept of match making...i.e
the aged people at home and close relatives and marriage agents deciding
everything...based on religion, caste, wealth and status match, who will be the
slave and who will be master in the relationship, declared or undeclared
business deals etc...feeling that 'match making is the responsibility of
parents' etc is ok for girls and boys who are.....
1. weak in education....
2. weak in physical or mental or
social well-being...only physically grown and gynaec matured…but no adult and
life skills…..lazy, dull, no motivation in life, no dreams, no goals, no
interests or special liking, no creativity, no sense of direction, no
individuality, no decision making skills, no strong beliefs or convictions
about how to live, how to shape the life, how his or her family and children
should be, no drive to be an achiever, no drive to have an image or identity,
no opinion on any issue, no interest to have role models, not interested in
skill and knowledge development and the person is just a clay that it can be
shaped in any way by others, or a sand that can't be shaped by any methods and means....the
person probably is a walking coffin or yet another living organism...
3. not interested in taking up any
job....can not find a job…has no employability skills in any private or govt
organisations….
4. not interested in relocating to a
new place working or living, not able to live separated from parents, scared of
living without the relationships amidst which the person has grown-up...
5. low in intelligence....
6.. having less oppurtunity and scope
for education, knowledge and skill development, due to the place of living,
economical condition
7. having health and personality
development issues, disorders of the body and mind....e.g depressed, low self
esteem, phobias and manias...
8. the person is a parasite that he
or she cannot earn or make his or her own living of food, clothing and shelter,
cannot hire or make the own place of living i.e house, can not take care of his
or her own basic needs, totally dependent on others for survival, existence and
living. The person is ready to do anything and at any cost to get these from
any one. The person is ready to live with anyone who is unknown earlier.
9. the person is tooo scared about
life, the person toally believes the parents and they will do only good (their
intentions may be good, but they don’t know what is good and how to do the good…as
they themselves live a life of insecurities!!)
Only such people are fit for traditional
or conventional type of match making…because the girls and boys of the past
were like this!!...no education, no skills for living, totally dependent upon
the parents, relatives and society for their survival!!...So, such a wealth and
money based marriage match making worked out or there was no other option
left!!
But, Today there are many who have
lots of oppurtunities for education, skills and intelligence development...they
are too good that they can't be traditional housewives or maids or home
makers...many have....
1. high intelligence
2. outstanding corporate skill sets
3. global dreams
4. big goals
5. want to be achievers and want to get
etched in the history
6. out of the world creatvity
7. passion to do something different
8. high self esteem, self confidence
etc.
9. ability to create their own
wealth, money, status, fame and other assets...in fact much much more than what
their parents have created or what the parents are intending to get through the
business deals in the marriage.
10. want the feeling of acceptance,
contentment, fulfillment through best display of their knowledge, skills,
personality traits, talents etc.
11. a large appetite for learning in
multiple disciplines
12. multitasking abilities
13. research interests
14. global reach in their talents
15. Individuality, decision making
skills, ability to lose themselves in their pursuits, self-opinions on every
issue, strong will-power, highly rigid personalities, less adaptabilities and
not ready for compromises and sacrifices
16. high leadership, administrative
and managerial skills
17. urge to win in life...make a life
and living better, richer, wealthier, with more fame or with more wisdom than
that of their parents or relatives or ancestors...urge to do different things
than their parents
18. high risk taking ability
19. daring and fearless attitude
20. ability to form strong social
neworks for constructive purposes, self growth, growth of the community and
organisation.
21. ability to bring in
transformation in organisations, economy and society
22. 'organisational people' or
'people for the societies' rather than 'people for just one person or one
family'.
23. girls and boys with more
interests in public life...unconventional careers for girls...(e.g media,
politics, journalism etc)
24. girls and boys demanding equality
in oppurtunites
25. a strong drive for adventure sports
and interest in taking up career or professions related to this.
26. drive to join armed forces as
officers
27. Girls who are globe trotters in
their profession
28. Girls who have high ego and man
like personality attributes
29. Girls who can not share their
body, mind, privacies and life with strangers or less known people so easily.
30. Girls who do not have any sexual
urges or for whom it is not a priority or who can manage the life without it
easily without any stress.
31. Girls who do not need a ‘traditional
husband’ but just need a ‘committed friend or companion for life time with whom
she can share her privacies’
32. girls and boys who have selected
education and career which are not suitable for a traditional and conventional
family life
All those who have above
characteristics are different from a conventional and traditional individual
and therefore, the ‘ancient’ method of match making will not work out.
So, lots of transformation has taken
place in the world around...
Therefore, conventional or
traditional methods of match making described above will not work out or result
in a successful marriage for these people. Just matching the educational
qualifications or professions or career also will not suffice.
Also, students who want their parents
to leave the marriage issue to their way have to prove convincingly to their
parents that they are of above variety by measurable performance and potential
outcomes..the parents should feel strongly that 'This person is a different
variety and we need to give this person the time and space!'….Else the parents
will do only traditional match making!!
In today's world a marriage for the
kind of girls or boys described above probably can be successful only if...
1. Both boy and girl should live together within the same four walls at
least for two years immediately after marriage to adapt, to develop a relationship
of unconditional love for each other, to understand each other better.
2.
Ideally the place of work and living
for both should be same, or at least, as close as possible.
3.
The behaviour of the girl and boy as
LOVERS and as HUSBAND AND WIFE will be different…because the status and roles
of a lover is different from that of husband or wife.
4. Both should know each other very well, especially the individual needs,
wants, expectations from each other as a husband and wife, aspirations and definitions of life, family,
marriage, relationships, much before marriage for many years and should have
decided for the marriage first, before the parents.
Sadly there are certain evils in the society which people need to understand,
change and take care of themselves….
1. Parents think they are knowledgeable, experienced and have more years of
living on earth than their kids…they know everything about marriage, family,
relationships etc….but the truth is they don’t know how to live in peace,
health and happiness….they think they know their kids in-and-out…. and they can
guide their children the best, but truly not, as they are not professionals in
the same!!
2.
The marriage agents and relatives are
the biggest spoilers of the lives of the above mentioned children in the
society!
3.
Parents need to understand that their
children are more important to them to be happy, peaceful and healthy and not
their relatives and marriage agents. With their children unhappy and not peaceful,
the parents can not live their life in peace for entire life, and under such
conditions no relative or marriage agent will be ready to solve the problems,
and blaming the children for failures is wrong.
4.
Parents might have paid for the
education or made several sacrifices and out of fear and insecurities, might
insist or force the children of above kind for traditional match making but the
children need to have a strong back bone to expose the parents to who they are,
the demands of their profession and their kind of life, educate them and change
them on their own or with the help of the counsellors / professionals.
Peacefully yours…Rams…Psychologist!!
