"sir, i am working hard day and night...but still my efforts are not appreciated, not recognised and i am not rewarded!!"

 Dear all....One Question...One Answer....

Qn. "Sir, i am working hard day and night...but still my efforts are not appreciated, not recognised and i am not rewarded!!"

Ans: Please check out the following:-

(1) Whether you are interested in what you are doing from morning to night. Whether you are able to lose yourself, forget the food, sleep, time etc in what you are doing. Whether it is entertaining you and not making you tired. Whether you are without anxiety and stress....whether you are peaceful in doing the job...!!

(2) Whether it is a Key Result Area (KRA) activity in your section or department or the entire organisation. Whether it is a Functional activity. Only then you will get focus, attention, priority, immediate recognition, rewards etc. If your activity is Secondary or Tertiary and not Primary, then you may or may not get. Probability is less. 

(3) Whether you are doing as per the expectations of your boss or not. You might bring the sky and heavens to earth. But if your boss is not liking it or organisation is not appreciating it, then it is of no use. It is similar to a husband or wife saying that they are working for the other person only at home like dogs and donkeys but feel that the other person is not appreciating it...because they don't do those things as per the expectations of the other person...they do only those things which they feel important or priority!!

(4) Whether you are briefing your boss adequately (blowing your trumpet) that she/he is aware of your efforts, results, output, hard work, feels you are working hard, you are creative, you are different, you are adding value to the project, section, department, organisation etc. you will bring profits, name, fame, status, etc to the department/organisation.  

(5) Whether you are creative and doing things differently to the likes of the boss.

(6) Whether you are cutting costs and bringing profits.

(7) Whether you are doing jobs that are quantifyable with factors of realisation which are quantified and specified in numbers.

(8) Whether what you are doing is significant part of the project.

(9) Whether you are doing appropriate things with efficiency...i.e correct things in less time, more output...high productivity in most important and vital things...!!

(10) Whether you do not have any attitude problem, you are a good listener, whether you are a good team member and team leader...whether you do not have any personality disorder issues...whether you do not have any ego...whether you are generally liked by all as a good peer, good subordinate, good boss and a good human being. 

If all the above are there, then no way that you will lose out....if you are losing out, then one or more of the above are missing...just bring them in...you will be successful, you will be recognised and rewarded!!

Peacefully yours...Rams...Psychologist!!

''Sir, why some spiritual people are scandalous?'

 Dear all...One question...One answer...

Qn. "Sir, why some spiritual people are scandalous?'

Ans. Only Nature is everywhere. Everything is a part of Nature. Everything is a subset of Nature. All human made too!!...All Humans too!!

All living organisms reproduce...Law of Nature!!

So, nature has created a system for this function with organs, and the system is interconnected with other related systems like Neuro system.

We also have an evolved sixth sense which seeks knowledge, wisdom, spiritual experience, skills, self actualisation and self transcendence...and the system to achieve and realise this with it's primary and secondary organs.

So, depending upon which one is active and aroused more and when...How long...How much?...whether reproductive system or system for enlightenment?...accordingly the thoughts, emotions and behaviours will emerge!!

For both, you need calm and stress free mind and body, for a spiritual and tantric experience!!!

Some people with stress use this pleasure form of stress relief with animal experience to get relief or feeling of goodness...stress free state...to move on to the enlightenment!!...This is certainly not a healthy way of living!!

State of Happiness and State of Pleasure...both give a Feeling of Goodness...but the chemical reactions and metabolism that take place in various systems of the body are different. Causing stress and relieving stress through pleasure for experiencing the feeling of goodness is not certainly healthy compared to living in a stress free state and enjoying both happiness and pleasure!!

If a person is with a mind that is free from other materialistic needs and social fears...like other living organisms...then the individual is not bothered about the consequences of a care free reprodutive living...like other organisms!!

When a perons lives in this mind state with a functional reproductive system then the person is more likely to live both reproductive and spiritual lives.

So, nothing wrong with them. It is only wrong with our perception that spiritual people are supposed to have a specific attire and appearance with a brahmachari/eternal celibacy life style. When we find people deviating from this perception, then we call them scandalous!!

It may be easy for those with naturally non functional/less functional reproductive system and highly aroused enlightenment system. However, it is difficult for those with highly active and functional reproductive system either by heredity or by life style.

But some are exceptions with their own perspectives and philosophies. We call them scandalous!!!

It is our mistake that we go and dump all our money and wealth on them and our misconceptions too!!

Then the question comes which life style is good?

A health enhancing life style blended with other elements of Nature, healthy-stable-calm reproductive system with which we are able to make a family with healthy children who are also like us and live a spritual enlightened life!!

Life is a Journey of Learning.... எல்லா துறைகளிலும் கரை காண்பது...!!!

Peacefully yours...Rams...Psychologist!!

'Sir, how to select the Husband boy?' (or wifey girl)

 Dear all...One question...One answer... FOR ALL THE TEENAGERS and THOSE IN RELATIONSHIPS...

Qn. Sir, there is a boy with whom i am in a relationship. He shows lots of common interests and likes in which i have interest and likes. He takes care of me well. I think he is the right guy for me. But still i am confused and scared. Please tell me how to select a husband boy? 

1. We need to see that he is responsible and has good human qualities, personality traits to understand feminity and is a capable HUSBAND and FATHER, because he has to perform the duties role responsibilities related to these two social statuses. He need not be a good LOVER but he has to be an excellent understanding, participative, unconditionally loving FRIEND and a COMPANION.  

2. All male living organisms exhibit lots of mating skills consciously or sub-consciously. It is a natural process that once any organism attains age and ready for reproductive life and living, it is programmed subconsciously to search for the mate. Once it finds one, it does everything under the sky to attract the attention of the other organism of opposite sex and then to go near or bring it near to close proximity for mating. 

3. In the case of human beings, the individual observes that person, automatically finds out the details about the person -  place of living, habits, usual visiting places, daily routines, close friends, social sites of interest etc., tries to establish communication, finds out the likes and dislikes, sending birthday greetings and such other bla bla are usual routine things etc. Once the communication is established the individual tries to retain the communication by showing common interests, tries to serve the needs and wants of the other individual, makes the other individual happy, wins the trust and confidence, portrays as the best human being on the earth ever lived, once the other person is brought socially and mentally closer, then tries to bring the other person physically closer by showing interests of meetings, dating etc. Then at the right oppurtunity meets the physical needs and continues it till getting satisfied or variation needs start. 

4. Some establish a committed social relationship through marriage. Some continue without any commitment. Some want 'relationship with mutual interests' without any marriage. Like this there are several variations. In most cases at least one gets affected. 

5. No relationship with only physical needs continues for life time whether it is a committed relationship or not!!

6. Only that relationship which has the real unconditional friendship, companionship, 'the individual and the relationship matter to me beyond anything', 'i have no needs, wants or expectations from the other person, and just want to see the other person happy, healthy, peaceful, contented, fulfilled in life', 'i like being in the thoughts with the other person or like being in the thoughts of the other person', 'i can never get angry, or upset or frustrated with the other person', 'i get hurt deeply when the other person is not happy, not peacefuly or not healthy' continues for life time and becomes a divine or ideal or true relationship. 

7. There are many people with high levels of endurance who exhibit best loving and caring friendship and companionship, show such common interests, help or support the other person even for about ten years, express their interests and wait for fulfillment of their interests of needs and wants, and leave the relationship slowly and steadily or even abruptly with reasons. 

Having said all the above....check for the following....

1. If the other person has changed to impress you or was the same kind of person earlier also?

2. Whether that person is exhibiting all the overt and covert behaviours  without any stress (if manipulated then the individual would experience stress)?

3. Whether that person has indicated any needs, wants or expectations for the self from you for many years...i.e whether that person is unconditional?

4. Whether the person is same kind of an enduring good human being with all, under all circumstances and over many years?

5. Has he or she made you stressful anytime in life?

6. Is he or she a person as explained in para 01 and 06 above for many years?

If the answers for the above questions is positive, then he or she is the right person to be the husband or wife or life mate or soul mate!!....All other relationships could be obsessions and will break once the obsession is over!!

Peacefully yours...Rams...Psychologist!!

One question...One answer....

Dear all...One question...One answer...

Qn. Sir, why some people are attracted towards young or elderly people for their reproductive needs?

Ans. It is a subconscious natural act. Nature wants the offsprings to be healthy, so it drives towards young and healthy people as it is expected that this way the offsprings will be healthy. Nature also wants the offsprings to be safe and secure during the growing up, grooming and development i.e. child rearing process. So, it directs towards elderly people who exhibit loving, caring, resourceful and good human behaviours and bring in that confidence of safe and secure growth for offsprings under the wings of this person. Of course, Nature also wants every organism to be unique and different. This also is a reason.

Peacefully yours...Rams...Psychologist!!

While taking decisions in life, especially those crucial life changing decisions, use the brain and not the heart!!

 Dear all,

    While taking decisions in life, for heavens sake use brain, and not the heart!!...Especially those crucial decisions which change your life!!

I see lots of memes and friends telling 'Go by your heart!!'...'Heartfulness decisions'...'Go by your gut-feeling'....'Go by what your soul says!'...'Listen to the voice within you!'...By and large, all these are wrong, as they all mostly direct you based on the body needs, directly or indirectly...consciously or subconsciously!!

You are likely to end up in small time pleasures and long time failures and heavy losses!!

Few of the spiritual gurus tell 'listen to me...follow me...'....there are many religioustic memes or sayings also tell 'i am with you, follow me!'.....all these have made the people to lose COMMON SENSE...the nature given power of thinking above the intuition too....people have become goats and just follow without using their brains...and land up in trouble!!

Another thing is this damn 'what people will think!'......Decisions based on this also will ruin your life!!....Here again use commonsense, think what is good for all....and accordingly decide!!

During this COVID times, people are taking emotional decisions, heart driven decisions, decisions based on 'what others will think about me!'....and getting affected with covid, spreading to others, and losing their lives...had they taken decisions using their common sense, brain, thinking what is good for all, how to handle the issue in a clever manner, then losses could have been minimised!!

So, kindly use common sense, brain, be clever and take decisions for the well-being and good of all!!

Peacefully yours....Rams....Psychologist!!

Who is a Mother?....Who is a good child??

 Dear all,

Today is Mothers' Day!!

Everyone is sharing lots of messages, memes, videos, memories, pictures and celebrating the mothers' day in their own way...meeting their mother....sharing memories and spending lighter moments...giving her gifts...in general making her happy in whatever way possible...very good...nice...well-done!!

But i have got an additional request and a different perception as a Psychologist!!

Who is a Mother?

Who is a Son or Daughter?

What is the relationship between the two?

What is Love for each other?

In my opinion, Love is Respect, Respect means Responsibility...This is Primary. Rest all those pampering things which a mother shows to children or children show to a mother are Secondary and Tertiary, though they are also important, like the spices which make the food tasty...but Primary is the Food, so we can't miss out that!!

But sadly this is missing out in the traditional grooming of a child by a mother!!

If a mother loves her children, her responsibility is to make them physically, mentally and socially strong, adaptable, independent good human beings with great morals, values, and ethics!!

i.e A life style with health enhancing habits, matured, balanced, cool, calm, sharp mind, focussed on the goals, dreams, passions, attracting everyone through great human qualities and personality traits, ability to live anywhere on earth, with anyone, any culture, any religion, any climate, any food, any clothing, any organisation, any team, on any terrain, ability to withstand all kinds of traumatic life situations, high resilience, good in studies and strong in the subjects, knowledge and skill sets of interest, being employable to create own money and wealth, ability to create a family by being a great companionship-husband showing unconditional love, being that ideal husband with the true definition of Relationship, role model father with clean habits, morals, values and ethics, sharing the domestic chores and responsibilities, respecting and taking care of all the elders in the family and making the children as role models and ideal human beings, like him!!...............(this is for both genders!!)

But traditional parenting produces only mentally weak, emotionally weak, dependent, parasitic, non-adaptable, neurotic, non employable, smokers, drunkards, obese, full of lifestyle diseases, mental disorders, irresponsible, bad and negative role models for children...Wives feel why i got married and children decide not to marry after seeing the married relationship between the father and mother!!

So, mothers should fulfill their responsibility of making a son or daughter as above and children should become a responsible son or daughter as above!!

The worst punishment a son or daughter can give to their mother is to make their mother to see them Dead in front of her....or dying every day in front of her with injections, handful of medicines, life style diseases, smokers, drunkards, impaired body which is struggling to survive and exist, no education, no skills sets, no knowledge commensurate with the qualification, no worldly exposure, immature, pigeon brains, no global awareness, traditional mindset, without job, by being dependent on others for food, clothing, shelter etc.

So, the crux is....if you really love your mother...if you really respect her...be that IDEAL SON or IDEAL DAUGHTER as explained above!!

The great Tamil poet Thiru Valluvar in his Thriukkural says 'A responsible son or daughter is one who makes her mother hear from others that 'Your child is a great human being and a good scholar!!'

Marriage is a great responsibility...Being a HUSBAND, WIFE, FATHER, MOTHER....the ultimate tests of responsibility, on earth!!! So, make yourself eligible, and then marry, and then become a father or mother...otherwise everyone has to become a Psychologist on the earth for the other!!

Ability to Reproduce is not the eligibility to become eligible for marriage!!...That is an animal definition of being an adult!!

A happy and a meaningful Mothers' Day!!

Peacefully yours...Rams...Psychologist!!

"We cannot feel anything, unless there is a need for it in us!!"

 Dear all,....(please add 'she/he' wherever you find 'he' in the following)

"We cannot feel anything, unless there is a need for it in us!!"

For e.g...

All the wisdom explained by the spiritual gurus are felt by those who have a need, who had confused minds, stressed brains, who wanted clarity and who are obsessed with him!!

Those who are not obsessed or who are stable, clear in their mind, have clarity about life and living, who do not have any need, who feel that everything is alright with them, will not feel anything from the words of wisdom of the spiritual guru. They will probably gain additional knowledge or wisdom which may be useful to them. But it may not create any feelings in them as they were not in need and were not stressed!!

If we tell the same things to the spiritual guru or tell him different philosophies of wisdom, he also will not feel anything because he has no need!!...He is not obsessed with us!!...He might gain additional knowledge and wisdom but it may not create any feelings in him!!

So, if we feel something, that means, there was a need, there was probably a stress, there was a void, there was some blank space needing to be filled, there was a question without an answer in the conscious or subconsious mind, probably the question was looking for an answer, there was some confusion, there was a clarity needed on something etc....or we were obsessed with that person!!

Obsession is not good as it closes all doors of oppurtunities to learn and grow in all dimensions!!

It is better to be at neutral state than a need state!!

Positive emotions and feelings without leading to obsessions is good...as, anything beyond limits is a poison...even the excessive feeling of goodness leading to unstable body and mind!!

Peacefully yours...Rams...Psychologist!!

THIS IS FOR THOSE HIGH INTELLIGENCE STUDENTS...(IIT, IIM AND NIT)

Dear all,

All of us, we have a BODY. It needs food (solid), water (liquids), air (gas), reproductive needs and touches (care, affection, love...emotional needs)!!

Body is from Nature and all these needs are natural, survival needs. All living organisms have these needs!! 

So, a life and living anchored only on body and body needs is called ANIMAL LIFE and ANIMAL LIVING. Animals do anything to get these. All humans also do anything to achieve these, as they are basic survival needs. When it is difficult to get these, the humans use their precious INTELLIGENCE and CREATIVITY to plan strategies, spend lots of their valuable life and brain time, energy, money and everything. They forget about the consequences. They forget about their status. They use their power and authority to get them anyhow, and by any means. They go to any low level to achieve and own them. They are ready to lose anything to possess them. It becomes an obsession and disorder. This is the power of the body needs, i.e the PLEASURE domain!!

Therefore, it is the cause for all the sorrows, tears, sadness, frustration, anger, fights, harsh words, depression, break up, divorce, all kinds of stresses and strains in relationships, loss of job, poor performance, all kinds of feelings of rejection...simply all kinds of negatives of life!!!!!!!!!

So, these needs to be kept low and the body in a cool, calm, balanced, stable, healthy and in a less need state!!

But all of us have a brain and mind ruled by SIXTH SENSE. It seeks knowledge. It is thirsty of wisdom. It is hungry of skills, potential and achievements. It is eager to know about the things around. It is anxious to go around, meet new people, experience new things and keen to learn. It is adventurous to fathom the oceans, explore the space and beyond and reach the centre of the earth. It wants to find answers for many unknowns like origin of life, origin of universe and what-not...i.e the HAPPINESS domain...also called as Anandha and such other synonyms!!

All these can happen only when the body is calm and does not disturb the brain. The body does not force the mind to plan strategies and plans to achieve the body needs. The body is calm and allows the mind to use all the intelligence and creativity to indulge and lose itself in the knowledge, wisdom, skill development, experiential learning and adventurous life!!

This is very important, especially for the HIGH INTELLIGENCE people as they have the ingredients to achieve all the above. But, sadly, many of such students live a sedentary life and therefore their body needs are very high and they end up using all their brain time, precious life time, intelligence and creativity in planning strategies and executing them to attain their body needs. They also skip their meals, have food at irregular times, eat all the junk, smoke, booze, live on drugs and end up using the precious gifted potential in wasteful things, fail in life in all domains, feel a void and vacuum, get depressed and come for counselling!!

So, all high IQ students, wake up!!...Kill those body needs, live a health enhancing life pitching it on happiness, rather than pleasures and win in life in all the domains!!

Peacefully yours...Rams...Psychologist!!

THIS IS FOR ALL TEACHERS AND PROFESSORS......

 Dear all...THIS IS FOR ALL TEACHERS AND PROFESSORS...

Any one in teaching profession can sustain the PASSION for teaching only if he or she considers himself or herself as a STUDENT all the time for entire life!!...And without the PASSION FOR TEACHING, one cannot be peaceful and happy as a TEACHER or PROFESSOR!!!

Be a STUDENT infront of other PROFESSORS. Be a PROFESSOR infront of the STUDENTS!!!

- Captain (IN). Dr. Prof. M.

Ramasubramanian

B.Sc (AS)., M.Sc., M.Tech., MBA., PhD (Elec. Engg)., PhD (Psy)

Indian Institute of Management Kashipur.

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