How can you be unreal, fake and be happy, peaceful and healthy??

Dear all....thank you for all those who feel my posts are different and useful.

i just write what my mind and heart say when i perceive things through 'Nature', so it is Natural...so it becomes what it is in Reality...and it becomes different from others which are Out of Reality!!...So, where do we live?...In Reality or Out of Reality?...When we live fake, caged and suffocated in fake, live amidst ego, how can we be peaceful and happy??
Without these two how can we be healthy?....without these three, what is the point in surviving or existing or living on this earth???

So, let us look at our life and living through Nature...Let us find answers for our questions and doubts through Nature...by analysing things Naturally...It may not align with what society or social thinking or culture is all about...but at least we will get the right answer...!!

Later on it is up to us whether we live as per, and with Nature, align with reality and truth or live fake and out of reality...Happiness, peace and good health are always our choice!!...We can't blame others!!

Peacefully yours....rams!!

THIS IS FOR ALL THE PRESENT AND FUTURE MOTHERS WHO HAVE A SON....

Dear all...THIS IS FOR ALL THE PRESENT AND FUTURE MOTHERS WHO HAVE A SON...

All wives feel 'Hmmmmmmmm...my husband does not understand me always!!'

Boys who have not grown learning about girls, being with girls, understanding girls, feeling the girls, taught about girls, groomed about girls, can not ever make a good relationship with girls, can not live with girls as wife or lover in peace. So, they can not give peace, happiness and good health to any girl!...So, they can not make a peaceful, happy and healthy family and family life!!

How can boys who think worse about girls, can have a good relationships with girls?...Only when we think positive, good and feel love and affection towards them can create a good relationship, give peace, happiness and good health through their thinking, emotions, feelings and behaviours / activities!

how can you have a good relationship with a person whom you do not consider to be equal?...If a boy or a man is not considering his lover or wife or sister or friend as his equal, considers low / less etc, then it is not possible for him to treat that person nicely.

So, the crux is...

1. It is very important for the parents to make their boys mingle, live, learn in classrooms and grow amidst girls all the time from 2 years of age to entire life. (The age when they understand sexual differences!)

2. It is extremely important for the mothers to ensure the above and teach their sons about girls, their behaviours, their thinking, emotions, their needs, wants, expectations etc, make 'On the Job Training' (!!) possible by exposing them to girls, and be a good mentor, trainer, teacher and guide in this.

3. So, a boy's success in love, success in married life, success in being a good friend-lover-husband to a girl, depends upon how he has been groomed by his mother in this issue!!...(Why not father?...because however much he knows, he can't be equal to his wife in teaching this!!)

4. If a mother does not teach this, or if he does not get a 'out of the world' understanding girl friend who can teach him all these like a mother, he will never learn it by himself without spoiling his love life or married life. Because he will learn by making mistakes, by many break-ups when he reaches middle or end of his life, when it is too late!!

so, so, so, all girlssssssssssssss, pull up and teach your sons!!

Peacefully yours....rams!!

'sir, i am a economically rich back ground student, from lower caste, i used the concession, but feeling guilty!'

Dear all...THIS IS FOR STUDENTS AND PARENTS...

The reservation system in our educational institutions is a criticized issue in our country. Whether it is required or not?...It is a debatable issue!!

Some of those who use that advantage may not be from a poor economical background. They may be from a well educated and wealthy family too. Here again it is a debatable issue. Whether such people should use that concession provided by the Govt or not?...Is it correct to use that?...Is it correct for the Govt to give that concession to them or not/...A debatable issue.

When such people use it, obviously one child from upper caste loses the oppurtunity of studying in a good college or good course. (as perceived by all).

The remedy could be increasing the quota to an extent of no one feels anything or no one gets affected. Also increasing the quality of the colleges and increasing the number of colleges of high quality.

Ok...all these are not in our hands. But there is something in our hands!!

Such economically sound people who used such a concession can give that knowledge gained, their experience, their wisdom etc as a service, on free of cost, to some of the upper caste poor students who missed that oppurtunity so that some solace is there. Because nothing can compensate for their loss!!

Peacefully yours....rams...

how we are dirty in everything...and criticize others...

here there are many things written about Shahjehan...Probably he lusted many, including mumtaj's sister, but loved only one...i.e Mumtaj!!...He did not erect monuments on the name of all, but only for her!!...Every one lusts at least more than one, in life time, at least once, in the mind or body or both, but hides for social stigma!!...Indian culture is a great one which recognizes and attributes virginity only to the body. But accepts sleeping with wife or husband thinking about some one else in the mind!!...This is a subtle fact which is considered dirty to speak about but accepted as a part of the culture, way of living!!...Virginity is there in the mind or body or both in none of the above??....Every one can touch their heart, ask this question, and answer to their own-selves...!!...But we criticize others on this issue....as we do on many other issues!!....Rams!!

Are the speech (elocution?...Patti mandram programmes) in televisions are of any use to the society development??

Dear all...our TV channels in Tamil telecast lots of 'patti mandram' (elocution competition (?) where two groups, each consisting of about 3 people, on either side, are given opposite topics to speak on the same issue.

In all these programmes people focus only on comedy...including the audience!!...living in reality is important...they fail to take the younger generation in an adaptability path and make the older generation in a thinking and changing path...any speech, any person who makes the 10 year old, 20 years old, 40 yrs old, 60 yrs old and 80 yrs old person in the same family to think and define the life and living in the same way is the correct person and correct speech!!...Peacefully yours....Rams!!

THIS IS FOR ALL THOSE WHOSE CHILDREN ARE STUDYING OR WORKING ABROAD...PART I

Dear all...THIS IS FOR ALL THOSE WHOSE CHILDREN ARE STUDYING OR WORKING ABROAD...PART I

Indian parents live a traditional obsolete life of best education-best job-marriage-child birth-grooming-get old-groom grand children-die.
They also think everyone born on earth has to get married, think their children also will live like them with respect to concept of family, married life etc and start looking for matches while their ward is studying abroad.

But the truth is that the definition of marriage, family, career etc are different in the countries where the children are going to work. The definitions are not universal but depends on each individual how they define them to be!...Even the definitions of children studying in India and living in the same house is different from that of their parents’ and grandparents’....Demands of the profession will decide their definitions.

1. Generally high IQ students only go abroad for studies or work (i am not talking about clerical and laborer class who go to gulf).

2. Unless improving the EQ and SQ is an inherent part of their grooming at home from infant hood, or they have faced right developmental tasks (i.e challenges to muster their resources and come out successfully with learning experience), the wards are unlikely to have the ability to decide what they want out of marriage.They may not be able to make a commitment in the relationship and marriage. Might agree for the pressure of parents and might decide 'will see as the life goes!'.

3. Many want their profession and just a girl/boy friend to meet their needs physical, mental and social needs. They don't want to commit. They are not the traditional Indian husbands/wives who are family centric and go to office to earn money for the family living. In the case of girls probably they want both, but with respect to boys, they are 'unable to decide' type or 'want family but can't spend much time and energy' type.

4. So, it is more of girls run behind boys for the nod but they are non committal. They are unable to decide clearly and keep changing their decisions.

5. So, it is too risky for the parents to spend a lots of money on their marriages. It is wiser to keep it a simple ceremony and function. So, that at least the financial losses are minimal. May be it is wiser to tell the boy and girl to spend for their marriage so that there will be some responsibility and commitment on them to keep the marriage going for some time. It is wiser to spend for their education, as the qualification and skills will make them independent, which is the responsibility of the parents. But thinking 'marriage is our responsibility' and spending on wards who are irresponsible or taking decisions under tremendous pressure from all directions or defining the life, marriage, family, living etc differently, is too risky a decision.

6. Also pressurizing the ward for marriage (quoting, age, social pressures, self-created responsibility related perceptive pressures etc) will not work out and lead to a catastrophe. Let both the boy and girl take a firm decision after lots of discussions and firm up. After their agreement and approach to parents, they can decide that simple procedure.

Peacefully yours...rams...

why kind people are treated badly?

because our culture (way of practical living...not what is in books) does not teach value of people, value of relationships, how to handle these etc. The money and wealth based comparative living, forces one to exploit others and relationships...think like a witch...take them for granted...cheat them with nice words...etc.

Is it possible to speak lies and be in peace?

true...when we speak the truth the mind is empty, it experiences a power, a great liberated feeling...a happiness. We can not speak lies and keep the mind empty and clean. It becomes a factory of rubbish thinking more negatives, more lies, more strategies. So, it can not remain empty, to give peace, feel liberated etc. It will feel suffocated, stressful, drained, guilty and all mixed negative ruining thoughts and feelings will come. So...so...simbbbbbbbbbly speak the TRUTH. Sometimes it might not be pleasant to others and hurting etc. But later they will understand and start liking our habit and this personality trait...and...and...and...it is not possible to meditate, to keep the mind empty by telling lies!!...Rams!!

A suggestion for students and parents - Part I

Dear all...THIS IS FOR ALL...ESPECIALLY FOR ALL STUDENTS...

It is impossible to live by Ego, religions, caste, community feelings and sensitivities of language, region, land etc while ensuring peace, good physical-mental-social well-being, happiness, contentment and self-actualisation!!

It was not possible in the past. And certainly not in the present and future where people of all differences have to live, work, socialise together in harmony. There are many old parents / grand parents who will die also for the above sensitivities.

The younger generation has this as their biggest challenge in front of them to change them or succumb to these EVILS.

The solution is…keep trying…by educating, increasing their awareness by taking them around in the country and outside, showing how life and living have changed. Have patience.

Love is the only tool that can change the mind of any one!!

If not possible just tell them ‘I love you all. I can’t hate you all. But my life is also important!!’ and carry on!!

Ultimately peace, health, happiness, contentment and self actualisation are the fulcrum of life and not all the sensitivities listed in the first sentence.

Life is only once and it is just about few thousand days only!!

Not worth wasting with all the crap of the past!!

Peacefully yours....rams!!

A suggestion for students...Part I

Dear all…THIS IS FOR STUDENTS...

There are some high ‘Intelligent Quotient’ (IQ) category students who fall in ‘love’ (not friendship) (Low EQ?) with opposite sex with intense feelings during school or college days.

Later when they finish school or college, their passions and ambitions of travelling around the world and studying at the best of the institutions, working at the best of the organisations brings them to a fix ……whether to compromise or sacrifice on passions and ambitions and go with love…….or explain the situations and life-at-large and carry on with the passion and ambitions.

My suggestion is…

1. It is better to keep all associations with opposite sex as only friendship.

2. Don’t commit anything ever, as our life, circumstances, likes, dislikes, wants, needs, expectations, passion, ambition etc keeps changing.

3. Take decisions only by mid twenties or later once everything in life settles down and becomes solid and concrete…i.e life mate.

Peacefully yours...rams!!

How to deal with wife or other girls??

ha.haa.haa....the word 'argue' indicates that you are showing your 'ego', as 'husband' or 'head of family' or 'man' or 'boss' whatever!!....Then it is a problem!!...But if we throw away the ego and 'discuss', then i am sure all the girls (why only wife!) will be interested in talking to us!!....So, we must always 'discuss'...which means there is no ego, only 'issue' being discussed is the hero...it could be 'love' or paying of some bill or grooming the child or social issue, or anything....they will be only tooooooooooo happeeeeee to discuss any issue under the sky...but NO ARGUMENT EVER!!...Rams

Why the lover boys do not understand the feelings of their lovy girls?? (and vice versa)

dear all...there are two things...'understanding' and 'feeling'...most of the issues with which we fight or strain our relationships with people at home and outside are to do with 'feeling'...If some one has not undergone that life experience, then they will only understand at the maximum if they give ears to listen and put-in efforts to understand. But if they have undergone the same issue in life, then they will feel and understand. This will meet our expectations and there will be no issues or fights or strains in relationships due to mismatch in the 'feelings'!! e.g a lover girl with intense feelings on a boy might feel frustrated if the boy is also not reciprocating with the same crushhhhhhhh or intense feelings. He will not be able to do that if he has not felt intense feelings of same type with her or with any one. At the maximum he can only understand and exhibit some responsible behaviours without feelings!!... so, if we want some one to understand our feelings, then we have to make them undergo the same process...but few are not possible for men e.g child bearing and delivery. Daughters fight with their mothers during teens but after they bear a child and deliver they can feel all the ordeals of their mother and they become close to their mother!!....Rams.

what is sixth sense....is it good or bad?

Dear all...there is a video which is being shared widely these days wherein a crow is seen picking up few soft-drink garbage tins lying on the road, one-by-one, and putting them inside the nearby garbage bin.

After watching this video my good friend has raised a question on this video...it is here..."I'm happy. Great to watch the Sensible Crow. Is it our 6th sense that acts against nature sometime? May Be...? May Not Be?...We refrain from doing what the crow did many a times, simply because our intellect asks " Why Me? "

Having 6th sense...is it a boon or bane ?"

When i read this i get this answer in my mind...you may check it out if it makes sense....

"Good Question!!...6th sense does not lead to this...it leads to cause and effect studies which are positives, based on reality, based on Nature's mandate!!...Ego, which is not a part of 6th sense, but a social learning, leads to 'why me?'...Greed, which is not a part of sixth sense, but social learning, leads to 'unfriendly' thinking and behaviours against Nature!...There are many things like these in our social living, cultrure etc which are harmful for our peace, health, happiness, family living, social living, organisational living and Earth. That is why we need to remove and throw away the social-mask we wear which gives all negatives to us, others and The Nature. If we remove it, we will become the Real Human Beings. Otherwise we remain to be the Fake-Monsters who are dangerous to self, others, Nature, Environment and other living and non-living"

Peacefully yours....rams!!

An interesting conversation about marriage....

Dear all...Few months back one of my department guy of 21 years age, belonging to a north Indian village, came to me and said 'sir, my parents have arranged for my marriage and i don't want to marry now!'...

Before i could say anything he said 'sir, they were looking for a bride for my brother and when they found a suitable girl, they also found she has a sister and they have decided to marry her to me!'...

I said 'Then tell your parents that you don't want to marry now!'.

He said he does not have the courage to do that and when i said 'Ok, then give me their telephone number, i will talk!', he said 'I will get more shouting and beating sir. They may not talk to you properly!'.

Then i told him "All the best! Enjoy!!'

After few months he took leave for self marriage and went.

Today he reported back. I asked him 'How was the marriage?'

He said 'Marriage did not take place sir!'

'why'

'Her father's brother died, and so marriage stopped for an year!'

'hmmmmmmmm...sad!'...'Did you meet her?'

'Sir, i have not seen her so far?' (!!!!!)

Hearing this i almost collapsed!

'Bloody hell!, so you went to see her first time on the stage and tie the knot!'

'yes, sir!'

'Hope you have seen her in photos?'

'Only one photo, my parents sent long ago sir!'

'Are you talking to her over phone?'

'Some times she calls me when she gets an oppurtunity and talks few words!'

'woffffffffffff! are you all in the present century or living 50 years back?'

'what to do sir, this is our culture and our relatives are very strict about it!'

'ok tell me, do you like that girl?'

'People at home have decided, and so, she has to be good only!'

We had good laughs today including that guy!!

People who think that the world has changed a lot can rethink.

1. In most of the villages and suburban areas this story still continues with both girls and boys!

2. People who lived in a particular place with all their socialisation, rituals, ceremonies, functions, life events etc with people of their own community, caste, religion...whether village or town or city or abroad...still rigidly follow these practices. They have not changed much. They are emotionally and sentimentally attached to their place, caste, religion, community, culture (definition of life and living) and ensure by any means that their children also live like them.

3. Boys are educated and told to find a job nearby saying 'We have enough property to eat and live and you need not go far away!'. Girls are educated to a level of getting a match. Some times they are allowed to work before marriage and told to resign when they start looking for match. Their view is, Let the world change, but it is not suitable for our family and culture!'

4. In some north Indian states, still boys are married off between 19 to 23 to their relative girls, before they leave the city or state for government jobs.

5. Exceptions from the above still exist, but minority, and so are not considered for any research.

peacefully yours...rams!!

The definition of marriage, family, living, life etc will be different between people within the same family...so, traditional system of family and marriages will fail now and in future!!

Dear all...When civilisation started, both men and women worked in fields. The entire family worked at the same place. Groups were divided based on their work and castes formed and they married within their caste groups to have matching beliefs, life styles etc.

Amongst some groups probably the Division of Labour occurred, and girls only looked after the house chores and men worked to earn the things required to live. Here again the marriages within their caste groups worked as they all lived together as one family, one society.

Later the girls started going to schools and colleges, started working at offices nearby. Here also it worked well to an extent with some ifs and buts here and there with the changed thinking patterns of girls, their non availability at home for chores, ego clashes between them and others at home, over load on them with work at office, grooming children, looking after the old people and husband, emotional issues etc. Here the girls worked only for earning money, for the family to meet the growing social status needs. Here also the arranged marriages within caste groups worked well to an extent as everyone lived together.

Now every girl and boy are feeling equals at schools, colleges and organisations, except at homes, in the minds of parents (at least in rural areas and rural brains of urban homes!). They have their own passion, urge to excel, urge to create their own identity, to earn, to make their own living, life, buy everything by their own selves, right for freedom in all spheres and domains at home-society and organisations. The girls feel they also have feelings, ambitions, adventure seeking minds etc. So, they work hard, get good marks, get admissions at good colleges, get good courses, challenging jobs, great salaries, make great life and living of their own. So, they live far away from their parents and boys.

Under these conditions, how can the boy and girl live together at one home, and that too with the aged people who do not want to leave their birthplace-childhood place-living place-or place of settled living?

Some parents of boys insist that the girl leaves the job to get married to their son. The girls' parents also force the girls to resign their jobs and become house wife or pick up jobs near their place of living etc to which the girls do not agree as they have been groomed from childhood to study, to compete in everything with others, work at the best places and to excel.

Girls are interested in their passion, interests and all that i said above which is right as their brains also have got sixth sense and it craves for 'cause and effect' thinking, creativity, applause, appreciation and acceptance based on and for their knowledge and skills, independence in all spheres of life. Parents are interested in finishing off their responsibility of marrying off their daughter. Under these conditions how the traditional arranged marriage will work out?

There is no way that the boy, the girl and parents can live together and they will all live in different, far off cities and countries. Truly when boys and girls grow up, study and work in multicultural environment, they lose their identity of their religion in their way of living and defining life. Then where is the religion or caste in picture? It is only in the birth certificates
, applications and the primitive minds of yesteryear obsolescent parents. Not in real life and living of the boys and girls.

Some one can ask 'How can one live alone. It is not possible. What will happen to the family system? What will happen to marriages? How life will continue on earth?...The society will have no children and imbalance in society etc.

Yes, they know it is important too. So, they get married to a person who is available with them at the work place, one who can understand them and give all that they want and can live with them without affecting and compromising their passion and interests in life.

Many born on this earth are not eligible for marriage due to their unsocial personality traits unsuitable for married life and raising children and family, committed relationships etc. When such people are forced for marriage, it fails. It is better they live alone. They seek emotional and sexual needs through their intimate relationships and live.

so, the crux is...

1. When girls and boys work far away from their social and caste groups, families, traditional arranged marriages will fail miserably.

2. In future, the place of work, type of work, challenges in work, a person who can support and match for all these work related issues, emotional compatibility, intellectual compatibility, will only decide who can be the life mate and not the caste or close relatives of the parents.

3. Every one will define Life and Living differently in the same family and will seek and fight for their independence. If we respect, then we will have them in our life. Else will lose.

4. Many will live single.

5. Mostly it will be single parent families where the girls will raise the children living alone while the husband/father lives away coming to wife and children during mating seasons! (if the marriages are traditionally arranged)

6. It would be the best for all if the girls and boys marry with the person who is living at the work and living place, matching with their WORK, PASSION, INTERESTS, DEFINES LIFE AND LIVING IN THE SAME WAY, RESPECTS-HELPS, TAKE CARE OF EACH OTHER.

CASTE, RELIGION, RELATIVES CIRCLES OF PARENTS ETC WILL ONLY TAKE THE SECONDARY OR TERTIARY PRIORITY.

If you say 'Sorry! I don't believe in this! Traditions should be followed and they are for good!', then no one can save you and your children!!

peacefully yours...rams...

Parents think something should not happen with the children and do certain things which make the children to do what the parents did not want them to do!!

Dear all...some religions are very strict in beliefs, way of living, rituals, ceremonies, what you read, relationships etc. Parents of such religions who are fanatists are also strict with their children from childhood and force them to do the rituals in the early morning, evening, night, force them to believe all the belief systems, the superstitions related to those religions (every religion has its own bag full of superstitions!), way of living (eating to dressing to relationships or socialisation etc), participate in ceremonies etc.

I.e they force their definition of life and living on their children...and the children find them ridiculous. Because they are not gelling with their learning or understanding or consciousness or their life style.
So, they find them hard to follow and do. They are not comfortable. They feel suffocated. They feel they are not getting the basics of life from that...i.e peace, happiness, health, contentment and self actualisation. But they have no other way than to follow otherwise they will not get food, love and affection, shelter, fees, eatables and all their wants and needs. So, they do all or act like doing till they become free in hostel or job at a different place.

Now, when they find people following a new life style, way of living etc in school or college, among their friends, they get attracted to them. Because we want variety and anything that gives us a change, a different good feeling, out of monotony, happiness-good health-good social relationships-when they treat us well at their home-when their parents give us respect, accept us in their family, when we like their dressing and eating style etc we start liking that person, that religion, their holy book, and people of that religion.

Some start loving that person, the religion and go to the level of getting married.

Now the fanatic parents say 'no' to this and start fighting without knowing that they only made their children to run away from their religion and related customs and traditions through their strict control, fanatic approach etc.

so, the crux is...

Today all schools, societies, colleges, hostels, organisations, functions are all multinational, multicultural and multilingual. So, adaptability and acceptability of all types of differences in everything is the order of living.

So, we need to groom the children towards this and by being a fanatic we are only making way or forcing the children to go away from us and our religions or our way of living.

In fact WE DO MANY THINGS TO PREVENT OUR CHILDREN FROM DOING FEW THINGS, WHICH MAKE OUR CHILDREN TO DO ALL THOSE THAT WE DO NOT EXPECT TO HAPPEN!!

rams

What makes us to kill our 'life-line' people and our life for our religion or caste or language or race or community?

Dear all...What makes?...What makes?...What makes??...

Men kill their own wives, children etc for their emotional attachment (??...or 'veri') to their own language, caste, religion, race, community etc.

Can they be happy, live peacefully, live healthily (in body, mind and social relationships) after this killing?...

Will they not lose their job, lose their friendships and everything they considered to get out of their religion, or race or caste or community and spend their life in jail?.. .

Knowing that after the murder their life is gone, why do they do that?...

What makes the men to kill them, who are their life line, who have given and will give him his life, memories, happiness, pleasures, support in all domains like physical, mental, social, legal, financial etc just because they are supporting inter-caste or inter-religion marriage?

After this killing will his religion or caste or language or race or community will protect him from legal issues?...Can they give all that his wife or daughter has given or will give?...Can his wife and daughter be replaced by any one in his life?

What makes these men to do this killing?????

rams

 could be momentary. But what makes them to get that momentary?...How that language or caste or religion went inside them so deep to kill their own people/lives?...Who or what is the cause for such a strong LEARNING and what happened inside their brain?...some realise their mistake after that and some do not!

What makes us to do this repeatedly again and again and remain in sadness!!

Dear all...What makes?...What makes?...What makes??...

We go to school or college or office or a city to study/work/live. Meet another boy or girl or person or family. We start with 'hai' and start conversing with that person/people in that family. Without our knowledge we start liking that person/family. We start exchanging many things with that person or family...like, time, money, energy, emotions, food, clothes, house space, utensils, vehicles etc.

In the case of families, all the family members on both sides from 80s to 10s pick up their friendships and become thick and close.

There comes a day that we have to change the school or schooling is over. College is over. Job transfer!...we move to another school, college, city etc. We never imagined that day or separation when we started the relationship. It was an innocent relationship that started with a 'hai' and we became thick and this sudden movement strikes like a sword. We realise that 'we can not miss that person or family!'. Some times it strikes that it is impossible to live without that person or family. It could be one-sided or from both sides.

If it is a school or college or office friendship, we tend to shift to the same school or college or course or job or city to which our friend goes. This is possible for individuals, but not for families. As one family can not go behind the other family due to sooo many reasons.

Of course, we miss them for some time, but later the new friendships, new families nearby attract us and we start making new relationships.

Here too most of us forget that one day...that Sword Day, the Black Day, will come and we have to separate. We again innocently fall in friendship or love with others and move to another place!!

Some students or employees chase their friend, get married and get united for life time. Some realise after some time, after seeing many friendships, that 'that so and so' is the person who is haunting my mind all the time and it is impossible to live without that person, irrespective of how many friends i have or not, they leave everything and reach that friend and live together for life time (provided that friend also feels the same and available alone!).

Many miss out all and look back after some years and feel 'Hmmmm, i missed that person in my life!'...'where is that person now?...How she or he is?...or how that family is?...Where are they?...What they are doing or their children are doing?...Will we meet ever?...Is it possible to find out their location?...If we locate also how the other person or family will feel?...Will they have the same feeling towards me or us?'

Now coming back to the analysis...What makes us to fall in love or in friendship with people or families without realising that one day we have to separate due to several reasons?...Why do we repeatedly do that same mistake again and again knowing (or not knowing?) that one day we have to separate?...Is it possible to put the fencing with good noble people/ families in relationships?...and this happens irrespective of our age from childhood to even late adult hood (>80s).

What makes?...What makes??...What makes????

Animals don't care about anything of their master...they just give 'love for love'...what do we do??...Do we love or do emotional business???

yes, animals do not see, whether their master is rich or poor, black or white, beautiful or handsome or ugly, does not see the caste-religion-language of the master...they only LOVE for the LOVE the master shows!!...So, TRUE UNCONDITIONAL LOVE wins TRUE UNCONDITIONAL LOVE!!...Let us learn all these from animals and live like real human beings!!...But most of our loves depend upon the money, wealth, education, power and authority, fame, caste, religion, language, nationality and so on...SO NO LOVE REMAINS FOR EVER!!...they all break at some level or the other during the walk of life at different stages!!...Only when we love a person for what he or she is without any expectations, imaging, wants, needs etc, only when we understand that 'love means caring and liberating'...'love means heart and not brain'...'love means unconditional and lust only is conditional', then the love remains for ever!!...Else everyone will lose his or her heart, love and the lover some day in life, at some place in space-dimension etc!!...Rams!!

THIS IS FOR ALL PARENTS AND STUDENTS...THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN 'UNDERSTANDING' AND 'FEELING'!!

Dear all...THIS IS FOR ALL PARENTS AND STUDENTS...

A college girl cries to her lover and begs 'You are a jadam (wood) da!!...You don't have any feelings towards me!...Don't you understand how much i love you?'

How can he understand and able to feel her feelings, pains, cries, her heart when he does not love that girl (may be only lusts!) and has not ever experienced that kind of love or intense feelings to a girl of same age or stage in life!!

Of course, many boys also cry like this to many girls!!

Mother cries to her daughter 'How much i suffered to conceive you, bear you, give birth and groom you against all the odds of illnesses, dangers of all kinds from all, toughest life situations?...Why don't you realise all that?'. It could be to a son too.

The girl will realise, understand and feel the feelings of her mother after undergoing all these in her own personal life!! That time she will feel the feelings of her mother, run to her mom and say sorry!!

But a son can only understand but can never feel the same feelings of his mother, as he will never get an oppurtunity in life to undergo that reproduction and rearing process and feel the pains. But all the pains related to the poor economic conditions or social stigma etc he can understand and feel as he himself must have lived through that phase with his mom.

THE CRUX IS....UNLESS ONE GETS OR UNDERGOES OR PASSES THROUGH THAT PAIN OR PLEASURE OR HAPPINESS OR FRUSTRATION OR SADNESS ETC, HE OR SHE CAN NOT FEEL IT, GET THE SAME FEELINGS LIKE THE OTHER PERSON, RESPOND AND RECIPROCATE WITH EMOTIONS, THINKING AND BEHAVIOURS COMMENSURATE WITH THOSE FEELINGS!!...THEY CAN ONLY 'UNDERSTAND' AND THERE IS A GREAT DIFFERENCE BETWEEN 'UNDERSTANDING' AND 'FEELING BY UNDERGOING THE PROCESS BY SELF'!!

This is a reason why lovers do not get the same level or feelings of love and affection from other person!!

Mothers do not get from their children!

A wife does not get from her husband!

If we say 'i am suffering due to hunger!' then the other person is able to understand it, feel it in his stomach, as every one undergoes this hunger feeling and knows how painful or intolerable it is!...Similarly the feelings related to necessity to defecate, thirst etc...I.e all Natural and basic Instincts of living, survival etc!!...Every one undergoes these and therefore can feel all the pains and issues related to this (i.e causes, effects and feelings etc)

Intense feelings, menopause, menstrual periods, child bearing-delivery-rearing, social issues, etc are understood and felt deeply in heart by another person only after passing through this phase of life and undergoing all the agony, pains, pleasures, happiness etc by herself or his own-self.

If we know this then we will not shout at those whom we love saying 'why my lover is not able to feel my love?'

peacefully yours....rams!!

THIS IS FOR ALL THOSE WHO FEEL DEPRESSED AND DOWN!!

Dear all…THIS IS FOR ALL THOSE WHO FEEL DEPRESSED AND DOWN!!

Why are we depressed and down?...Are we Useless?...In what way?...In comparison with others?...Why we compare ourselves with others?

Why we want to achieve big in life?...So that others think ‘wow, what a guy he is!’?...Why should we bother about what others think?

Why we want to be loved?...Why we feel like crying our heart out?...Because some one does not like us?...Some one does not love us?...Some one does not accept us as his or her friend?...Does some one does not love us mean No-One loves us?...

The world is full of beautiful people like us!!...Every one beautiful becomes ugly to the same eyes after some time and every one ugly becomes the most beautiful to the same eyes after some time!!...

Bony and skinny can become fleshy and awesome in no time, fleshy and round can become slim and curved in no time!!...Black becomes beautiful to the same eyes after some time!!...It is ultimately the heart that wins the love and not the boobs and butts as they only lust!!

Why we and our parents want us to be the first ranker?...why there is a constant push day and night to be the first in every thing?...Every one adds only stress, is there any one to teach how to burst the stress or not to get stressed while the guns are always firing?

Parents want to hear ‘Your kid is the best in the class!’ ‘Your kid is the first in the school!’ ‘Your kid is the only-one among our relatives!’…We want every one to adore us and our kids!!...why?

We like when every one praises our brothers and sisters and at the same time there is a devil who does not like this….Why?...especially when some one says ‘Look at your sis! (or Bro!) Neeyum irukkiye, vetti, somberi, onnukkum layakkilla, vetti vaayi thaan!!’

Even in organisations we are in the mad run to be at the first…why?
Throughout life from birth to death, as a child, as a student in school and college, as an employee, as a sibling at home, amongst the relatives, amonst the friends, between husband and wife, as an aged person,….always we want to be in the forefront, excel, better than others…in what?...IN MONEY, WEALTH, KNOWLEDGE, INTELLIGENCE, OTHER SKILLS, FAME, AUTHORITY / POWER, BEING LOVED. We don’t want to be the No.2!!...always No.1!!
Every one praising us has no meaning when people whom we love and value more are not praising us!!

Whyyyyyyyyyyyy?

There are few things that come prominently in the front…

1. We always COMPARE our life and living with others!!…the EGO that ‘I’ and ‘WE’ should be on the top to be the best and praised…at any cost!!...We don’t mind putting in any hard-work, burn any amount of energy and money, following any immoral path also!!

2. We want to gain THE ATTENTION AND PAMPERING OF EVERYONE, the ‘Feeling of Acceptance’ from every one around, always!!...And no less in comparison with anyone, always more and the best as No.1!!

3. We are toooo POSSESSIVE about our-self, our people, our positions in the merit and in others’ heart!

Actually how should we compare ourselves with others?

Are we peaceful like others?....Are others peaceful?...Is peace not the most important one in life?

Are we physically healthy like others?...Are others physically healthy?...Is health is not the biggest wealth?

Are we mentally stable, strong, confident and healthy like others?...Are others mentally healthy?

Are we happy like others?...Are others really happy?...We only see the pleasures that others enjoy. Does pleasures, the short lived craving ones, give peace and contentment?...Then what is happiness and why we are not running behind it and longing for it?...why are we craving for the pleasures?

Are we socially acceptable by others?...Are our social relationships with others healthy?...Are others socially acceptable in their circles?...How are they rated by others?..will any one help if they need basic help to survive?

Are we contented in our life like others?...Are they contented with their life?...Will they be contented with their life in future too?
Are we in the path of self-transcendence?...Are others around in this path?...Will they reach this state?

Truly every body is different. Every mind is different. The likes and dislikes are different. Every person differs from his or her own-self of the past. We are continuously growing, aging, changing, evolving, learning. Wants, needs and expectations keep changing. Every one is special in a special way. The destiny is different. The environs are different. The challenges they face in life while growing to maturing to living are different entire life. Their body organs functioning are different. They age differently biologically, mentally, socially, professionally, personally. They react differently to the same stimuli.

We don’t see their tears!

We don’t see their hard-work!

We don’t see their losses in family life, love life, passion, hobbies, wellness, socialisation, sacrifices, compromises they have made etc.

We only see one thing that kaduppethhifies us!!

We don’t see their health compromises!

We don’t see their bellies, fat bodies, ulcers, lung problems, liver issues, in-digestion problems, sleeplessness, kidney stones, gall bladder issues, burning varicose veins, back pains, broken neck, fights at home, divorce, mis-carriages, gynaec problems, deaths of loved ones, hates and curses from parents-friends-relatives-peers-subordinates and bosses…we don’t see any of these!!

Can’t we get fame, become achieved, money, wealth, love of all, power/authority without all these sacrifices and compromises?

Truly it is possible!!!!!!!!!

Though ‘comparative merit’ is what is rewarded, acknowledged and not the ‘individual merit’…Are all IITians, IIMians and students of such elite institutions in india and abroad are successful?...they are only successful?...Are those from corporation schools, mediocre colleges not successful?...How many of the famous people are from such institutions?

It is individuality, creativity, being different throughout life is what counts!

Life is not a 100 metre dash!...It is a long marathon run over about 50 years of active life.

It is being moderate and steady is what is important to win at the end of life in everything…personal life…professional life…family life…social life…

Losing in one aspect of life and gaining in others is of no use at the end!

No one is guaranteed to live here for 100 years!...Any one can lose the life any time!...I ranker can die at 30 and last ranker can live up to 90!...So, losing few months or years in failures, arrears, no job situations is actually no loss!!

The top guns are not guaranteed with good health always and entire life!...Any moment they can be diagnosed with a Terminal / dangerous illness which can take them to the pyre in no time!...It can happen to the last ranker also!

Nothing and no one will come with us till the end except our own body, mind, knowledge, wisdom gained, experience in all spheres of life!

If some one has not got campus placement does not mean they will not get job for entire life!...It is just that they have to work in a small firm, learn as much as possible and switch over to better and better jobs as life goes on and those who upgrade their knowledge and skills constantly, intelligently, widely and upwardly will rise in money, wealth, fame and power!

So, don’t feel depressed. Don’t feel sad. Don’t feel down’. Don’t think you are useless. Don’t think others are better than you. Don’t think others are living a better life in all angles than you. Don’t think others are peaceful, happy, healthy and contented. The definition of success is different for every one.

Then what to do?...How to live?...How to get all these goody goodies?

1. Don’t compare yourself with others.

2. Set a long term goal till 50 years of age.

3. Let the goal be to be peaceful. Physically healthy. Mentally healthy. Socially healthy. Be happy. Be contented. Be a self actualised and self-transcending person as a whole.

4. Accept destiny as it is. Don't resist. Resisting always leads to stress and agony. But don’t stop and break. A river never stops. It changes direction and keeps flowing. If climbing a tree is difficult after some time, get down and climb another tree or hop!...Don’t lose hope and fall down. So, change directions, get down and climb another or hop and keep moving towards the destination listed at 3 above.

5. Be self dependent for ‘everything’ in life. Never depend on others for anything. i.e for all body and mind needs.

6. Be highly adaptable in eating and living. Flexible. But without compromising those at 3 above.

7. Like all. Love all. Accept every one as they are. Help all. Give whatever you can. Everyone is imperfect in the eyes of others and perfect in their own perception. Accept this.

8. Every human being can be changed including our own-self which is the easiest.

9. Love, empathy, good manners, personality traits, smiles, being kind and human are the best weapons to attract others towards us, make them change, be good to all etc. Of course, medication, counseling and other treatments are always there. EVERYTHING IS LEARNT OTHER THAN BASIC INSTINCTS AND EVERYTHING LEARNT CAN BE UNLEARNT!!

10. Walk, run, yoga, meditate, be with Nature, eat healthy, think healthy, behave healthy.

11. Learn to say NO to those exploiters who suck away those listed at 3 above from your life.

12. Be a good and enlightened human being. But be productive also in organisations as there is no charity there.

13. Keep learning, improving your body-mind-social well-being all the time.

14. Be wild, wide and deep in skill and knowledge development throughout life, never stop that. Asoka trees take 40 years to grow but can be cut in few seconds. Banyan trees also take the same time to grow but can’t be killed because no one knows where the roots are and branches are!!...It is wild, wide and deep!!

15. Never bother about failures, people moving ahead of you etc. Never compare yourself with others. YOU ARE UNIQUE AND BLESSED WITH SPECIAL SKILLS TO LIVE AND SUCCEED IN YOUR PATH AS AT 3 ABOVE. You be in your path of success. Define the entire world as your village and any place on earth is your home.

16. Keep changing your field of interest every five years in all domains…profession…passion…arts…hobby…adventure…academics…etc

17. Never be possessive about places, people and things as everything on this earth is for you to enjoy…trees, birds, Nature, river, mountains, hills, people, places...all unlimited!!…don't get caged with one by being possessive!!...no one stops you going to any place and person on earth to derive happiness, pleasure etc!!

18. If you follow the above, you are sure to reach many peaks, get more money and wealth than you need, you will have a successful family and love life, you will be healthy till the last breathe, you will always have ‘feeling of acceptance’, you will have people-power, you will become authority in your fields of specialisation.

19. At 50 when you meet your friends, they will be winners in only one aspect of life and in only one direction. Whereas you will be winner in many directions and every aspect of life!!

20. Last, but not the least, (ha.haa.haaaa) read my blog…’one post every day’…YOU ARE SURE TO WIN!!

peacefully and successfully yours....rams!! (Health Psychologist)

Dear all…THIS IS FOR ALL THOSE WHO FEEL DEPRESSED AND DOWN!!

Why are we depressed and down?...Are we Useless?...In what way?...In comparison with others?...Why we compare ourselves with others?

Why we want to achieve big in life?...So that others think ‘wow, what a guy he is!’?...Why should we bother about what others think?

...Continue reading

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Sundaram Viswanath lllllonggg....!! Superbly written...! Well said rams...! SL.20 d best....!!!!

Indira Viswanath Excellent 

Kamala Kris One of the good blogs I have read. Excellently written. You will be named as Health Guru rather than Health psychologist from today onwards