Saturday 29 September 2018

THIS IS FOR ALL THOSE WHO ARE CONFUSED WITH THEIR LIFE...AM I LIVING CORRECTLY AND MEANINGFULLY?

Dear all...THIS IS FOR ALL...
The beauty lies in simple appearance and simple life.
I find people applying loads of make up and wearing fashion accessories on their body, spending several tens of thousands of their hard earned money, during every day life and special occasions, making them either ugly or arousing (pleasure domain which activates the systems of the body to urges and cravings making them unstable and lose peace, happiness, health and relationships). Inspite of all these also the individual is not happy, anxiety struck about the appearance of the self, facing all sorts of physical and mental discomforts too. What a pity!!...What an agony!!...Lose money and lose everything too!!
Whereas, people, in simple appearance, the way they are, without any complicated thoughts in mind, without any masking make ups and fashion accessories, appear to be divinely beautiful, radiating peace and happiness, spreading calm and coolness in the minds of others...The Happiness domain!!
So, the crux is, Simple people look beautiful. Simplicity is the definition of beauty. Simplicity in life brings peace, happiness and good health and great relationships.
Simplicity in affordability brings High Quality of Life...Complicating life can only bring Good Quality of Living. It may not bring Good Quality of Life.
Gandhiji, Buddha, Swami Vivekananda, Mother Teresa, Nelson Mandela and such other people lived simple lives, ideal and role model lives, they were beautiful, they radiated peace and beauty to others around in Happiness domain. THEY ALL WENT BEHIND KNOWLEDGE, WISDOM, LIFE EXPERIENCES, SERVING OTHERS TO UPLIFT THEM BY SHOWING THE DIRECTION, GIVING KNOWLEDGE AND WISDOM, AND DEFINED A ROLE MODEL LIFE. Their Quality of Life is great!!
Underworld dons, big business tycoons, and such other people who make money by exploiting the earth and nature, cheating people and government, live a complicated life by amassing wealth and money, all of which they will never consume in HAPPINESS DOMAIN, and only suffer by using them in pleasure domain, die while living or remain in painful pleasures of body and mind, remain anxiety struck and stressed, live probably a good quality of living, but may never live a good quality of life!!
So, the crux is...
1. Be simple and simply beautiful.
2. Keep life simple and simply live.
3. Have a good quality of life, rather than good quality of living.
4. No one has ever consumed all the wealth and money in happiness domain. Mostly left behind.
5. Have thirst for knowledge, wisdom, skills, life experiences and pleasant memories. Give these to others, and they only grow with more you give, while it fires the other people also to be energetic and live a life of substance.
Peacefully yours...Rams...Psychologist!!

Friday 28 September 2018

Let us lay down our your own path full of health enhancing definitions and live!!

Dear all...THIS IS FOR ALL...
We should never follow any one blindly in habits, life definitions, life style etc. The path may not be right. It may not be destined for us. It may not suit our profession and the life style it demands. It may not give us peace, happiness and good physical-mental-and social well-being. Let us use commonsense to check if it is suitable and if it will give the above and follow only those which give us these. Not all and everything.
Let us lay down our your own path full of health enhancing definitions and live!!
Peacefully yours...Rams...Psychologist!!

How to change the system?

Dear all...THIS IS FOR ALL...
In our country, the judges do not have any vested interest in issues like whether girls are allowed inside the temples or girl-girl and boy-boy marriages etc. So, they think logically, Naturally, medically, go with the change, go with the society, without rigid minds...ready to change the culture for positive outcomes...respecting equality...respecting one's biological and mental orientation etc...
But politicians and religious leaders and their followers...and such other similar minded people with vested interests are only against all the Natural things and Natural changes here...
They will not be against those which they want, agree with, to satisfy their needs, wants, ego, power and authority...
So, the crux is...
1. Take up issues to judges, politicians, religious leaders where they don't have vested interest or they gain, and the issue has a logical, medical and convincing reasoning. They will approve.
2. Else only evolution and revolutions can change the system!!
Peacefully yours...Rams...Psychologist!!

What to do?...Some people don't want to change!!???

Dear all...THIS IS FOR ALL...
some people don't want to change...they are rigid...they don't mind suffering due to their adamant nature...some want to live in their painful pleasures...by repeating their behaviours or life style...their concepts and convictions...
A person can not change or can not be changed if that person is not willing to change...in spite of knowing that his or her life style is not health enhancing and it is only health compromising...forcefully we can not change them...
THEY WILL CHANGE ONLY THROUGH THE SELF LEARNING OF PERSONAL EXPERIENCE!!
Peacefully yours...Rams...Psychologist!!

THIS IS FOR ALL WHO SUFFER DUE TO CULTURAL ISSUES...ON THE NAME OF CUSTOMS, TRADITIONS, CULTURE ETC..

💐💐 Dear all...THIS IS FOR ALL WHO SUFFER DUE TO CULTURAL ISSUES...ON THE NAME OF CUSTOMS, TRADITIONS, CULTURE ETC...
We are born to live peacefully happily, healthily, harmoniously...there ends everything!! ...
if something is not allowing us to get the above basics, then that thing...whether culture or custom or tradition is wrong and to be changed!!...
Have strong spines, and loving heart to those who are against, change them or live as per your convictions which should be health enhancing, and continue loving and caring those who want to suffer on the name of 'safeguarding the culture, traditions, customs' etc...
They are against the change primarily because they feel insecure, feel that their needs, wants and expectations, power, authority, ego, identity, individuality etc will be lost and they will collapse without enjoying being parasitic and egoistic!!
Culture, traditions, customs etc should be health enhancing!!...Based on equality, freedom etc. linked to the way Nature wants us to live!!
...Peacefully yours...Rams...Psychologist!!

How to handle when life does not happen in the way we want?...THIS IS FOR ALL......ESPECIALLY FOR THOSE WHO CRY SAYING 'MY LIFE DOES NOT HAPPEN THE WAY I WANT!!'...

💐💐..Dear all...THIS IS FOR ALL......ESPECIALLY FOR THOSE WHO CRY SAYING 'MY LIFE DOES NOT HAPPEN THE WAY I WANT!!'...
Our life does not happen the way we want or feel...especially schools...colleges...courses...jobs...marriages...place of living...wants...needs...desires...goals...promotions...medals...awawards...rewards...We want something, but what happens is something else...Nature has given us Coping skills and Defence mechanisms to face these challenging situations...
Defence mechanisms are psychological strategies brought into play by the unconscious mind to manipulate, deny, or distort reality in order to defend against feelings of anxiety and unacceptable impulses and to maintain one's self-schema or other schemas.
there are so many like fantasizing, repression, denial, projection, displacement, regression, sublimation etc.
These can be taught or it can automatically arise in our minds as nature driven to cope up with the situation...
those who do not get naturally, can be taught through counselling and therapies...
when things do not take place the way we want, we get stressed...we get pressurized...we get energized...there is an energy release block which does not allow the energy to get released...But most of the coping skills and defence mechanisms result in suppressed energies or release of energies in health compromising methods and therefore, it stresses the body and mind, which results in psychological and physiological reactions like diseases, disorders, depression, anger, frustration, dangerous decisions etc.
So, THERE HAS TO BE A POSITIVE METHOD OF ENERGY RELEASE, THROUGH POSITIVE COGNITIVE METHODS, POSITIVE BEHAVIOUR METHODS, RELEASING POSITIVE EMOTIONS...to avoid the diseases, disorders and ailments etc due to defence mechanisms and coping strategies and skills.
Peacefully yours...Rams...Psychologist!!

this is for all those 'mother tongue' addicts...obsessionists....

💐💐 Dear all...THIS IS FOR ALL STUDENTS...
I find too many status updates and memes saying 'learn only tamil, live for tamil, body is for the land and life is for tamil, don't learn other languages and foreign languages' and such of these types...I am sure this must be happening in other states and languages too.
Science and Engineering are global and it is better to learn them in english...mastery in written and oral in english is a must to get placement and earn the living...tamil can not feed all tamilians of past, present and future...language can be a culture but cannot become profession for all...
I am not against tamil as i myself love it, state topper in tamil mandram exam in 10th, written stories in Ananda Vikatan etc with critics as 'good literature standard'...but it does not make me to hate other languages...make me not to learn other languages and translate the best of the literature in tamil to other languages for others to learn and appreciate...
So, the crux is...
1. Learn English and master it...Learn tamil too...no issues...but job and money for living is more important. Tamil can not feel all tamilians. This is the same for people of other languages too!!
2. Don't believe and follow people with vested interests...
3. be global...4. Don't get lock yourself with less prospects of living...
5. Life is more important than language...
6. Language is only a medium to communicate your brain and mind to others and socialise...not to hate...
7. Life is only once. Grow. Widen your knowledge, wisdom and reach...
8. Learn all languages and translate all the best things in tamil to reach to the world...this is the true love for tamil...
9. Just by learning only tamil, living only in tamil nadu, without any significant contribution to the language and its spread, you are not a tamilian!!
So, understand things in the correct perspective...don't get whirled up emotionally in wrong perceptions and spoil your only life!!
Peacefully yours...Rams...Psychologist!!

Thursday 27 September 2018

What is important...language or life?

ha.haa.haa..it is a debatable topic...1. whether IQ improvement at the cost of not becoming proficient enough in languages required for global living and working is to be pursued?...2. On an average, Indian children are not good in English, but have high IQ, and are not able to get jobs or grow in their profession due to this lack of effective English oral and written communication skills...primarily due to this mother tongue at homes...3. Saving culture is important or saving our life is important?...4. Anyway, mother tongue will come on its own even if one of the parent speaks...but English never comes without a conscious effort...5. language comes through more talking and writing as it is a Skill, and children talk to their parents maximum during the childhood, in a traditional family not ruled by screens and gadgets....in light of all the above i strongly recommend one parent talking in mother tongue and another parent talking in English...Especially mother in English as she speaks more and children listen to the mother more...So, let the children get the Father tongue (with all the issues of tamil, malayali accent etc)!!😜...Hope i have added some value to the issue!!

Tuesday 25 September 2018

"Vasudheiv Kutumbakam"

Dear all...THIS IS FOR ALL...
Our ancient culture of few thousand years back says "Vasudheiv Kutumbakam"...meaning "The whole world is one family"...which also means the whole world and earth is our home!!...
But we, during journey of life and living, got derailed and met with an accident. But we are still pulling the life train without knowing the derailment with all the suffering and bruises...wounds and bleeds!!...
The ancient culture also has been formed on the concept of 'unconditional'...'attachment and detachment'...'illarathhil thuravaram, thuravaram after illaram' (spirituality in married life and spiritual life after married life i.e reproductive life'...'wisdom based and enlightenment and self actualisation centric'....
But the 'derailed culture' of present and recent past (means few hundred years) is not based on these peaceful and stress free philosophies!!...Therefore, we suffer!!...
Live ancient life, use technologies to 'develop' human being as a living organism...as a human being...not as an animal...not as a lazy bag of shit of flesh...not to bring in 'comforts restricting the development'...so, let us put back our lives on the tracks!!...
Peacefully yours...Rams...Psychologist!!"...

Home is not world...World is home!!

Dear all...THIS IS FOR ALL...
Our culture says 'Your home is your world!'
Nature says "World is your home!"
We created culture!!
Nature created us!!
We are nothing in front of Nature and all our creations against nature gets demolished and destructed by Nature over a period time when we cross the limits of Nature.
When we live against Nature, we suffer!!..When we are aligned with Nature we enjoy the life!...Nature means not just sky, clouds, grass, hills or mountains. Nature encompasses everything in the grand Universe, including us!!
Life has no suffering. It has only the elements of growing, development, maturing, evolving. Nature, as a mother, supports this by providing the necessary physical, mental and social ingredients.
Nature has created us. It creates everything. Everything that is required for us.
But we created the social structures and social systems...family...marriage...culture...a big list!!...All these created with 'igniting the body, mind and social needs'...'creating the urges and cravings' and thereafter 'applying controls'...has created the havoc with full of misery. That is why they are failures. Saying 'life is a misery. Life is a combination of pleasures and sorrows' is out of living in this system. We miss out happiness element. All the feeling of goodness in this system can not be classified as happiness, mostly pleasures. Control is not the stress free solution. Not creating these negatives, not creating the environment for these, creating a body, mind and social system, a social structure, life styles, living methods free of these stresses is the way. Nature creates this way. When we align with Nature and structure our life and day to day living, all these do not exist.
Nature says 'all living organisms have to relate themselves with each other in an unconditional envelope...environment...atmosphere'. Period. That is it!
All the billions and trillions of organisms align with nature and do this. So, they are happy and harmonious.
But we are not. We are conditional. So, we suffer. We have created by default stressful structures of life, ways of living and therefore we are bound to suffer without any escape.
Nature has not made us to suffer by giving us the complex mind and not giving this to other living organisms to make them live happily and harmoniously. No!!...It has given us the SIXTH SENSE which we are supposed to use for right perceptions and understanding of the life and living, by studying Nature and aligning with it. ALL THE SUBJECTS, KNOWLEDGE AND WISDOM WE STUDY IN SCHOOLS, COLLEGES, ORGANISATIONS, SOCIAL SYSTEMS AND IN LIFE AND LIVING...ARE ALL OUT OF STUDYING THE NATURE AND ENVIRONMENT AROUND. All these are supposed to be read, learnt in ways to give us peace, happiness, good physical health, mental health, social well-being etc. But we did not and do not use sixth sense for this. We are using for all negatives which spoil these valuables of life.
So, the crux is...
1. Word is our home. Unlimited vast universe is our home.
2. Our home is only a place of origin. All organisms fly away from the nest or place of birth to explore, grow, mature, develop, get enlightened, to become a whole.
3. Home was created for growth and development...for 'enriched social relationships in an unconditional environment. That is why nature gave father and mother who are supposed to be unconditional. But our social fabric has made them to have conditional elements too which makes the home a hell, which is supposed to be heaven!'.... But limiting the knowledge, wisdom and development within this cage is not what Nature drives us. Nature says extend the relationships to all living and non living organisms in the vast Nature...the other elements of Nature...without cravings and urges...in an unconditional environment...!!
4. So, this earth or universe is the home!!
Peacefully yours...Rams...psychologist!!

Monday 24 September 2018

We have the same body...same brain...so, we are supposed to get the same perception, feelings, thoughts and behaviours for the same life situation or stimuli...is it not?

Dear all...THIS IS FOR ALL...
We have the same body...same brain...so, we are supposed to get the same perception, feelings, thoughts and behaviours for the same life situation or stimuli...is it not?
But why it is different?
Because mind formed is different!!
Where is it formed from?
Brain!!
If brain is same then why mind formed is different?
Because the clinical or biological condition...and therefore, the functional state of brain are not same always!!...It keeps changing.
Also body can not achieve all its survival needs and comfort wants on it's own. Another issue is the hormone secretion status keeps changing. I.e the biological and clinical condition of the body keeps changing...and therefore the functional state of the systems and organs associated also change...Therefore, the needs and wants keep changing!!
As it can't achieve what it wants on its own, it has to drive the subconscious mind for producing the thoughts, feelings, behaviours in the conscious mind to achieve its urges or cravings. Accordingly the changes in the brain are created. And mind is different...perceptions are different...feelings are different...behaviours are different...all these for the same stimuli or life situation!!
So, we are not same always...we keep changing...out needs and wants keep changing...our body changes...our mind changes!!
All the verbal behaviours...explanations...loving words...feelings...etc keep changing...whatever said is only temporary and applicable only for that moment!!
But if it remains permanent then it is too deep within and beyond times, changes etc.
Why the body or brain change?...Why the hidden needs and wants change?...Why the subconscious mind changes?...It is Due to food, sleep cycle, entire life style, climate, other environmental factors, aging, maturing, evolving, ...it is a big list!!
When the changes or secretions in the body and brain (for understanding of mind, here, brain is counted different from body..otherwise it is a physical structure of the body only!!) are positive, then we perceive positively with people and life situation, become a good person, enjoy life, remain peaceful, healthy and happy.
When the changes are negative then we perceive negatively and end up in anger, sadness, frustration, fights, depression etc which further reduce the secretions and aggravate the situation!!
Now how to keep body and mind not changing and positive?
Change the food, sleep, entire life style, etc listed above. Change the definition of life (purpose, definition etc) and understand it correctly.
Develop Apps, sensors and control systems which can sense and measure the crucial parameters, control them and keep them at the desired value which are created by the AI based on changes in age etc.
Use cognitive and other methods to consciously train the mind, and eventually the body to remain calm, quiet and balanced.
All the best!!
Peacefully yours...Rams...Psychologist!!

What is the purpose of sixth sense?

Dear all...THIS IS FOR ALL...
What is the purpose of sixth sense?
It is for keep us to be human. To be different from animals. Animals don't have our complicated mind. we have a mind. The body is an animal part. Evolved from animals. Brain is also an animal part. But sixth sense is a human part.
So, purpose of sixth sense is to regulate this animal body to remain normal, calm, quiet, balanced so that it does not drive the subconscious mind for too much and for things which will drive the conscious mind crazy...make the entire human being an animal!!
Most of our sufferings and life complications are due to this animal body only, which drives the mind crazy and makes us an animal...and most of the issues issues within us which makes us sad, angry, frustrated, depressed, and all kinds of negative thoughts, behaviours and feelings which spoil our peace, happiness, relationships and health are due to body. Only few issues like greed, jealous etc are social driven.
The animal body drives the human mind to be an animal with its bio-drives. So, only when we can keep the body quiet and calm through our foods, sleep cycles, and other 'total life style' issues, then we become human being. Otherwise we are only animals.
So, liberating the body from mind....disconnecting the body from mind...isolating the mind to be free...to make it think about other issues of life freely without the disturbance of the body nagging...is the purpose of sixth sense!!
What were you thinking all these days about the sixth sense??😜
Peacefully yours...Rams...Psychologist!!

THIS IS FOR ALL THOSE WHO WANT TO KNOW ABOUT THEIR BODY AND MIND...

Dear all...THIS IS FOR ALL THOSE WHO WANT TO KNOW ABOUT THEIR BODY AND MIND...
There are several hundred journals and several thousands of research papers dwelling into each and every micro and nano issues of human body, human mind, life, living etc.
If we read them we will get the right clarity.
Here is one paper which is useful...https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3274778/
Peacefully yours...Rams...psychologist!!

THIS IS FOR PRESENT AND FUTURE PARENTS...

Dear all...THIS IS FOR PRESENT AND FUTURE PARENTS...
Our Indian culture advocates "LISTEN TO ELDERS". It is assumed that any one elder to us has undergone more life on earth and therefore knows more than us, and therefore we should listen to that person without questioning or analysing.
Therefore, we are forced to listen to parents, teachers, priests, politicians, administrators, religious leaders etc.
But all of what they say may not be without any selfishness...may not be right or correct...may not suit to our life, our profession, place of dwelling etc.
That is why the famous Tamil Poet, Thiruvalluvar said about 2000 years ago 'Intelligence is all about analysing all that you read or hear using the common sense and get the real, truth, knowledge and wisdom' ("yepporul yaar yaarvaai ketpinum apporul mei porul kaanbhathu arivu").
But it appears that the culture has derailed over a period of time, and we have lost the sense of COMMON SENSE and analysing capability by questioning everything under the sky!!
In today's world every one is knowledgeable. Every one knows something which the other person does not know!...So, listening to others, questioning or discussing the validity, truth, correctness is not disrespect.
Respect is Responsibility!!
So, let us encourage use of COMMON SENSE...Let us not make our children brainless idiots and blind followers!!...It will only kill their brain and will not help to live!!
Peacefully yours...Rams....Psychologist!!

Saturday 22 September 2018

THIS IS FOR ALL...ESPECIALLY YOUNG AND MIDDLE AGED PEOPLE...

Hai all...THIS IS FOR ALL...ESPECIALLY YOUNG AND MIDDLE AGED PEOPLE...
The name of stigmatic 'Old Age' home has to be changed to something pleasant so that it is not a taboo or social evil issue. So, let us change it, and not blow it up, and create a 'TV' serial like culture of blaming youngsters!!
If people cry and crib in being such places, then they are the negative minded TV serial like characters who have created their own destiny due to negativity.
If they feel it is hell, then it is self created. Their own deeds, their own karma, bad parenting, bad value systems, by being bad examples, they have landed up there.

They have only grown the children...with whatever value systems they followed and taught them...if children are money or wealth minded, then it is due to their own grooming...if the children are emotionless then it is due to the grooming of the parents....

all the blames of the parents of their children goes back to them for their grooming...

if parents blame that their children don't know how to live, then the parents have not taught them how to live...
No one would keep any one away, if that person is of use, full of positive energy, potential resource, not a pain, not a personality disorder case, of good emotional, physical and some support, and if not a help, at least not a pain!!
If we are alone in this highly populated world, then it is due to our own selves...our own distressful, suffocating, neurotic and non-harmonious, rigid, unacceptable, personality traits. Due our own adaptability issues.
It is not possible for two people who are dwelling in different phases of life with different interests, likes, dislikes, duties and responsibilities, bio drives, etc to live together if they are not adaptable with each other, if they don't understand each others stage in life, accept people as they are etc.
Old people have to accept that due to aged, deteriorated, less secretions of neurotransmitter condition etc of brain will be scared, will not be risk taking, may not be confident to do things, so they should not keep scaring and discouraging, shouting at young people, who know the oppurtunities and new skills and ways to come up, excel etc.
They have to accept that everything is amenable to change, including culture, life style, way of living, definitions of marriage, living, family etc. Based on profession and it's demands.
They should only say 'We are old and belong to a different obsolete generation. As long as you pursue health enhancing life style and be a good role model human being it is ok. Tell us how we can support you. We are full of positives, love, care and unconditional support for you. Tell us how we can be of use to you!'...I am sure such parents will not be thrown out of the hearts and homes!
TV serial characters are sure to land up in isolated places, alone as they are personality disorder cases!!
When the children are weak without education, money, ability to stand on their own, they will remain quiet and when they become independent and confident, then they are sure to throw their parents out of their lives, out of their homes etc. The aged people reap what they deserve.
so, the crux is...
1. Be a positive role model parents. Do yourself what you expect from your children later.
2. Be a positive energy attracting people around you.
3. Don't keep nagging youngsters with your 'those days...' stories.
4. Remember, our parenting methods are negative motivational methods and are sure to make the children win, but as burnt out and emotionally damaged people. Shouting, stick dependent and egoistic, rigid, MASTER-SLAVE conceptual parents are sure to end up alone.
5. Live with people of your age, likes, dislikes, 'those days...' stories, like minded, like life-styled people.
6. Create your own fantasy world and live like the way children do.
7. Create a reality life of nearby children, nearby youngsters...be useful and helpful...show love and affection, which only you can give at old age.
8. take some time pass activities you like e.g temple, bhajans, satsang, gardening, pet animals, loving birds, nature, climate, sun, moon, forest etc etc. Don't keep your life as 'my children are my life and everything!'. This is not the way nature has created life. It is only our culture creation.
9. Don't through your life weight on your children. it will burden both.
10. Never be dependent on the children. It is not negative. This is the way we are supposed to live. It is out duty to nature, god, earth and the creator to just produce children, groom to self confidence, and leave them to live their life. If you have created them in a way they will look after you, they will surely look after you.
11. We are not here to some-how save the culture. we are here to live peacefully, happily, harmoniously, healthily and allow others also to get these in their lives.
12. THIS IS FOR YOUNGSTERS.....Mostly life of a person is changed from others depending upon their profession/job they pursue, their passion, goals, interests, personality traits (mostly related to profession and social living) and the place of work, culture around, food available there, climate etc. So, every one can not follow the same model of life and living...but our parents do not know or understand this...they force or expect every one to live like them or their culture or people around them with the same model of family, marriage or life and living. This causes distress and life becomes traumatic!!....So, define your concept of life, family, marriage etc. But always be a good human being, try to to towards being an ideal human being. Never derail from peace, happiness, good health etc. On the name of safe guarding the culture model which was set during the era of 'social evils, no education and job oppurtunities, no oppurtunities for skill development and life experiences'. Love all. Help all. Support all. Without compromises and sacrifices in your peace, happiness and physical-mental and social well-being!!!.
13. With oppurtunities in education, skill development and job all over the world it is not possible for every one to be inside the four walls like in the past when these oppurtunities did not exist. So adapting to this change through positive changes in culture, thoughts, definitions, life style, living is the only way. Else both the parties will suffer blaming each other and the system, culture etc.

14. Govt and private organisations have to buildup many places of living with all support facilities necessary for them...depending upon the paying capacity, likes and dislikes, community they want, etc of such people so that they can live peacefully
Peacefully yours...Rams....Psychologist!!

Thursday 20 September 2018

THIS IS FOR ALL PARENTS...AND COLLEGE STUDENTS.............

Dear all...THIS IS FOR ALL PARENTS...AND COLLEGE STUDENTS...
Every profession/job requires a skill and knowledge set.
Every individual has some interest for a specific set of knowledge and skill.
Both should match.
Having chosen the profession, every profession has a specific life style.
The life style should match with the individual and spouse.
The life style should match with the spouse's family too, in Indian scenario.
If there is a mismatch in any of these then we may not do well in studies, profession, marriage, family life and social life, life can be miserable, peace, health, happiness and harmony can be lost!!
Peacefully yours...Rams...Psychologist!!

personality disorders are more dangerous than bad habits or life style diseases!!.

Dear all...THIS IS FOR ALL...
Almost all the problems in life of an individual is due to the personality traits of the same person.
It does not allow the person to live peacefully and happily even if the individual is living alone. If such a person associates with another individual then the life gets more spoiled for both.
So, more than the health spoiling habits, it is the personality issues that kill everything of a person and those around.
Neuroticism is one of the Big Five higher-order personality traits in the study of psychology.
Individuals who score high on neuroticism are more likely than average to be moody and to experience such feelings as anxiety, worry, fear, anger, frustration, envy, jealousy, guilt, depressed mood, and loneliness.
People who are neurotic respond worse to stressors and are more likely to interpret ordinary situations as threatening and minor frustrations as hopelessly difficult. They are often self-conscious and shy, and they may have trouble controlling urges and delaying gratification.
People with high neuroticism indexes are at risk for the development and onset of common mental disorders such as mood disorders, anxiety disorders, and substance use disorder.
So, be careful if you find such people to remain away from them. People who are neurotic has to take the help of therapists and counselors if they are not able to change by themselves.
But Indian parents who feel that 'every one born has to get married and live a family life' will dispose off (their head-ache) such children to others expecting that the spouse will change them, which is not possible.
It only spoils the life of another boy or a girl. Disorders can be corrected only by therapists. So, beware and in case you find such people, help them to make them aware of their issues.
They may not agree saying they don't have any bad habit and they are perfectly alright.
But personality disorders are more dangerous than bad habits or life style diseases!!...
Peacefully yours...Rams...Psychologist!!

Wednesday 19 September 2018

THIS IS FOR ALL PARENTS AND TEACHERS...(AND TO STUDENTS TO SHARE THE SAME WITH THEIR SIGNIFICANT PEOPLE AT HOME AND IN THEIR LIVES)

Dear all...THIS IS FOR ALL PARENTS AND TEACHERS...(AND TO STUDENTS TO SHARE THE SAME WITH THEIR SIGNIFICANT PEOPLE AT HOME AND IN THEIR LIVES)

the attached pic says in Tamil "Verupporin vimarsanangale vetriyaalargalin vetri ragasiyam!!'

i.e 'the criticisms (negative criticisms and burning words) of those who hate us or criticize us (may be loving too...but the words and emotions thrown are hatred...how does it matter whether it is love or hate inside...in fact both should be same...that is what is called positive motivation!!) is the secret of success of achievers!!'
Sadly most of the achievers in this culture are through only negative motivational methods...as parenting and teaching are not positive here in this culture...and we boast that our culture is the best...most of the achievers here are totally burnt by the time they become achievers, not because of the rough patches they have to cross through, but due to the burning words of the people around...mainly due to the parents, teachers and significant people of their lives...whereas it should have been other way...the loving, encouraging and supporting words of all these people should have made them to blossom like a lotus...instead of emerging out to be a tandoori chicken at the end of the game!!
So, let us be positive parents, teachers, friends, siblings and lovers to create lotuses and not roasted chicken!!
Peacefully yours...Rams...Psychologist!!

THIS IS FOR ALL THOSE WHO KEEP LOSING OR BREAKING SOMETHING AND CRYING OFTEN...WHICH INCLUDES RELATIONSHIPS TOO!! (winking)...

Dear all...THIS IS FOR ALL THOSE WHO KEEP LOSING OR BREAKING SOMETHING AND CRYING OFTEN...WHICH INCLUDES RELATIONSHIPS TOO!! (winking)...
A LITTLE LONG POST...BUT AT THE END YOU ARE SURE TO FEEL 'TIME WORTH SPENT!!'
We keep cribbing that 'i broke my spectacles' 'i lost that' 'i lost him!' etc.
Truly if something is not ours it will go away from us. It will break. It will get lost!!
What is meant to be will find its way to us some time or the other!!
Something or some one who is destined to be with us for life time will remain for life time!!
Rarely any one or anything remains with us till the last breathe.
We might spend some money to buy the items we lost or broke, if it is not due to us, then the money will either come back or some expenditure will get saved, by some means or the other on its own!!
But if it was destined to leave, then it will leave. But it does not mean we should be careless or lazy or disorganized etc. Being careless or lazy or disorganized will only affect our overall life, living, health and well-being!!
Therefore, in spite of our efforts, learning, implementing the lessons, best procedures, best system of not losing materialistic possessions of life (including human beings and relationships), if we lose, then we need not bother about them, as they did not belong to us for life time, they only were destined to be with us only for some time in the journey of life, and if we are destined to get them back, then we are sure to get them back!!
Therefore, materialistic things like items, wealth, money, people, relationships are all not ours'. Only our deeds or karma is ours!!
What we deserve only we get and not what we want or desire. God's calculations are always right, only our calculations and perceptions are wrong!!
Once upon a time when no transportation means existed, a person was walking to nearby town and it was night and he felt tired of walking entire day and went to the nearby temple space to sleep.
He found two guys already there. He was hungry and asked the other two if they had anything to eat. 'A' said 'I have 03 pieces of bread!'. 'B' said 'I have 05 pieces of bread!'. The hungry new visitor 'C' said 'We can't divide 08 pieces equally for 03 people. So, we will cut each piece into three equal pieces and divide them equally!'. Both agreed. So, each of the 08 pieces were cut into three pieces to get equal sized pieces of 24 numbers. It was divided equally, so, each ate 08 pieces and slept off.
Next day morning the 'C' thanked both and said 'You guys were so nice, generous, humane, to spare your little food for me yesterday night. So, here i have 08 gold coins. I will give 03 to A who spared 03 pieces of bread and 05 to B who spared 05 pieces of bread!'. This is what appeared to be the correct judgement for 'C'. But 'A' did not agree for this. He said 'I had only 03 pieces, i felt so hungry, still i spared my food. So, my generosity and human nature is better than B. So, i should get more than B!". So, A did not agree even for the offer of equal division of 04 coins to each. He demanded at least 05. B obviously did not agree for this as he contributed 05 and he too was hungry, so he claimed his generosity and humane nature was no less than A.
As the matter could not be resolved, they went to the king of that place and put forth their arguments. The ministers were jinxed and the king too. As there was no consensus comforting every one, the kind adjourned the court. He consulted many throughout the day, but no CORRECT solution appeared in his mind. Every argument appeared to be correct and sensible. So he was confused. He could not sleep entire night. He went to the temple and cried in front of god asking him for the correct solution as he did not want to give wrong decision and did not want to be an incapable king too!
God appeared in front of him and gave the CORRECT solution with which he felt extremely happy and went to the court next day.
He said 'A will get 01 coin and B will get 07 coins!!'
'A' became furious and angrily shouted at the king. The entire court of educated and people of high wisdom also abused the king saying 'What an absurd decision!'.
Kind said what the God told him 'Both A and B were hungry, so their generosity and human nature are the same. No difference. A donated 03 pieces which were cut into 09 pieces and he ate 08 of them and contributed only 01 piece to 'C'. So, he gets only 01 coin. 'B' contributed 05 pieces which were cut into 15 pieces, of which he ate 08 and contributed 07 to 'C'. Therefore, he gets 07 coins!'
On this answer A accepted the decision. B was happy. The court applauded the king!!
So, the crux is...
1. We may be the most intelligent, highly educated, the most enlightened or experienced or with the ultimate wisdom in the universe. But we may be wrong and god is always right. Our arguments and convictions might appear correct to us and others. But god gives the ultimate judgement which gets executed in our life. Suffering or enjoying the decision is our choice. When we accept it, we enjoy. When we don't accept it we suffer!!
2. God's decision is not on how much money or wealth we put in the Hundi or how many times we visit the temple or how long or how religiously we chant the mantras or how many days we fast etc. God's equation is very simple. HE JUST GOES BY WHAT YOU DESERVE BY YOUR DEEDS!!
3. We get what we deserve at different times of life. God always gives us good and correct. We only interpret it to be bad and incorrect. So, let us perceive correctly and live peacefully, harmoniously and happily.
4. So, just be good and do good. Smartness by wrong means will only give short time virtual gains, but ultimately we will be the loser which we will realise later when we can't regain the lost. It may be health or relationships!
5. Material things are not permanent. They will leave one day. Only our karma will remain forever till the lost breathe, or may after that too, who knows!
6. The definition of god is different for each one of us, but it does not matter, as long as our aim is to be deserving for good from god through our deeds!!
7. God is not interested in making every one rich, wealthy and live in comforts. God is interested in keeping every one peaceful, happy and healthy. If we are not peaceful, happy and healthy then it is our problem. He always gives everything where we can find the above three.
8. Some die early because god feels their time of goodness is over. Whether they enjoyed or suffered that short life is their problem.
9. Some get life style diseases due to their wrong life style and not due to god.
10. If some one feels he was ignorant, then what for SIXTH SENSE was given by god? It is not meant to be smart, to cheat, to do wrong. It is meant to perceive theories, concepts, life styles that give peace, happiness, harmony and health.
11. If some one gets terminal disease and suffers in pain of the body, which only is real (pain of the mind is untrue!), then it is his own karma effect.
12. There are many theories and concepts of god, life, living, correct, incorrect, wrong, right, true, false etc. The number of theories and concepts are equal to the number of people born in the past, present and will be born in future. The correct one is that which makes us to live like an IDEAL human being with perceptions, concepts and theories that give us peace, happiness, harmony, good health under any situation in life.
13. So, don't keep calculating and worrying about losses. Truly there is nothing known as loss. It is only perception.
14. This does not mean we through and blame everything to god, destiny, horoscope and karma and be irresponsible to Nature, living, non-living, Earth and World, (Earth is the physical structure similar to house and world is what people make to make the life on earth lively, similar to home!), remain lazy. The purpose of life is not to gather material things in life like money, wealth, social positions, people, relationships and all that we are running for and running behind. The purpose of life is to remain active, brisk, healthy, adaptable, harmonious, independent, full of positive energy, go all over the world and earth, gain as much education, knowledge, learning experiences of all kinds and types, memories, experiences, skills, wisdom in varieties, depth and vastness. Enjoy every moment in this purpose. Be good and do good in this journey of life. To get more fulfillment and contentment, through all the above, which are permanent. Give all these to others as they will only grow in us, when we give more and more. Not to worry and too much bother about the temporary materialistic things that will come and go, truly not in our hands, lose their value with time, become meaningless...i.e money, wealth, organisational and social positions, fame attained through these, people and relationships. Health is wealth. When we lose health or life, all these become meaningless and of no priority.
So, justttttt enjoyyyyyyyyyyyy!!
Peacefully yours...Rams...Psychologist!!

Thursday 13 September 2018

from being 'I AM ONLY A PART OF THE ORGANISATION' to 'I AM THE ORGANISATION'!!

Dear all...THIS IS FOR ALL STUDENTS AND YOUNG MINDS...
When we join an organisation after our education, WE FEEL WE ARE ONLY PART of the vast organisation.
Those who observe widely, closely, deeply as to what is happening in the organisation at various levels, the people, the processes, the procedures, the products, the services, the quality standards, the strategies, the techniques, the technology etc and think out of the box as to how these can be changed, improved, economized and the organisation can be taken to skies by leaps and bounds becomes 'THE ORGANISATION' in a short time!!
So, the level of pitching, thinking and our decisions as to what to do, how to do, changes ourselves from being 'I AM ONLY A PART OF THE ORGANISATION' to 'I AM THE ORGANISATION'!!
So, don't think the way others think. Think differently from a different plane and domain!!
Peacefully yours...Rams...Psychologist!!

THIS IS FOR ALL STUDENTS AND YOUNGIES...

Dear all...THIS IS FOR ALL STUDENTS AND YOUNGIES...
All of us have only 24 hours in a day irrespective of one is President of USA, or Google CEO or an Ambani or a small time business man. But some make it to big and many do not. Why?
They think big. That is all!!
The efforts required probably may not be too much for the brain. Only the level or domain at which they pitch changes. One can think about a market for his product at coimbatore or tamil nadu or india or asia or more continents or entire world. Or selling the services locally or at national level or global level.
So, what we think, we become. What we think, we achieve. A room is full of air and the entire air can be compressed into a small bottle. If we open the bottle the air within can occupy the entire room. Brain is also like that. It can get stressed, occupied and feel 'too much' even with a small issue. It can take up bigger issues and still can feel not too much or not stressed. So, truly the accommodating capacity of brain is really much much more than what we think about our brain. May be it is getting stressed with a small issue which we do not like or don't have interest. But it can accommodate tons and tons of issues which we like and are interested about.
Of course, there are several other factors like intelligence, personality traits (risk taking behaviour), emotional traits etc which differ from person to person which decide the ability to think big.
So, the crux is...
1. Every one has the same time in a day. But the levels of pitching in thinking and activities are different. This makes the achievement levels also different. So, with the same efforts of thinking and activities, one achieves very big, some one achieves moderately, some one achieves less!!
2. Think big, do big, expand and achieve big!!
Peacefully yours...Rams...Psychologist!!

THIS IS FOR ALL PARENTS...(FUTURE PARENTS TOO!!)....

Dear all...THIS IS FOR ALL PARENTS...(FUTURE PARENTS TOO!!)...
Every human being is born as a child. It has to be GROWN and DEVELOPED to be a RESOURCEFUL human being to withstand all odds and live on its own.
If it is left on its own from childhood, it will face all the challenges every second and with the Nature's support and gifted ability to cope up, it generally develops resilience and survives to live.
But wrong parenting in our culture makes the organism to be DEPENDENT on others for even small things and becomes incapable of living independently on this earth. So, parents need to subject the children to adversities and positive adaptation right from the time of birth.
There is no point in protecting the children saying 'He is a child. What does he know. He will learn as he grows later. We have to protect him now!...Exposing to adversities will make the child to get burnt in life!'. If this is done then the child never develops to an adult in real sense and there is no point in blaming the child later that the ward is not capable of living independently, not capable of facing the challenges, wants the parents always to their sides etc.
Of course, the adversities and positive adaptation levels required should be commensurate with the capabilities of the child!
Physical growth is not the growth. Mental growth, skill development, resilience build up through facing all kinds of adverse life situations and developing positive adaptation are the indicators of growth and development.
Parents can play the role of only trainers, guides, mentors, supporters, teachers, motivators to groom their children. So, let us be POSITIVE PARENTS, using positive methods of parenting.
If we are already grown up in to adolescents or adults, then let us voluntarily expose ourselves to adverse and challenging situations in life beyond our boundaries of comfort, commensurate with out stage in development, with an attitude of positive adaptation to the developmental tasks or challenges so that we really grow, mature and evolve!!
Peacefully Yours...Rams...Psychologist!!

Wednesday 12 September 2018

THIS IS FOR ALL...ESPECIALLY STUDENTS....

Dear all...THIS IS FOR ALL...ESPECIALLY STUDENTS....
Every one lives his/her life. Every one's life is different. Every type of life is different. Every type of personal, family, organisational, married, unmarried, rich, poor, etc type of life has it’s own losses, gains, good, bad, right, wrong, plus and minus. No life is perfect. The aim in life is first to be peaceful and mentally healthy. Next is, to be physically healthy. Peace of mind comes only through perception. Any perception that gives us peace is right. All others are wrong. So, which ever job or marriage or life situation we are, we need to pursue the right perception to be peaceful and healthy!!
Some are educated. Some are not educated. Some get married early. Some get married late. Some take up family centric life. Some take up professional centric life. Every profession demands a particular life style/ way of living and kind of life to remain peaceful and happy. If we don’t pursue that kind of life in our profession then we will land up with losses and suffering.
Some take up safe and secure government jobs. Some take up risky corporate jobs. As said earlier, all these have their own plus and minus. If we take up or pursue or accept such a kind of life, then we should accept the plus and minus also. Therefore, it is better to know the plus and minus of each decision we take (in marriage, profession, life mate etc) to pursue each kind of life or job!!
The decisions should not be based on the fantasy or glamour of the profession or kind of life or way of living. While evaluating it to decide whether it is suitable for us or not, what we have to look at is “what will I do from morning to night in this job?…in this life?…in this marriage?…in this family??”. This is the question we should ask and the answer for this question should be acceptable, comfortable, agreeable and liked by us. If we don’t like or not comfortable, then we should not take up that job…should not accept that kind of life…should not accept that kind of marriage…that kind of family life and living…!!
Many suffer in their job, profession, marriage, organisation, family because they have accepted something that is not comfortable for them…not liked by them…not agreeable to them…They are all in a state of Learned Helplessness!!
It may be due to their life circumstances or by force from parents or others…or their own fantasy choice of decision!!
So, wake up!!
Peacefully yours…Rams…Psychologist!!

Saturday 8 September 2018

THIS IS FOR ALL STUDENTS....

Dear all...THIS IS FOR ALL STUDENTS...
There are many students who cry saying that parents torture them against their love, scare them of suicides and murders, brain wash them through emotional blackmails etc.
If the students are weak with arrears, not completing the course, without any job, without the confidence of living independently, then the parents will become strong and force with all these blackmails and tortures.
If the students do well in studies, get good marks, get good jobs, become powerful in society, financially, legally, authoritatively (e.g IAS, IPS etc) etc, if the parents feel that they will get money, wealth, identity, shelter, safety, all their wants and needs, through their achieved children, then the parents will become weak, they will have the fear that they will lose all these if they neglect their children, and will not do all these tortures and blackmails. They will fall at the feet of the children.
For every student only three people matter in life...1. parents...2. teachers...3. lovers...The need of all these three are the same...1. to be a good student, good human being. 2. to be good in studies and become an achiever with a good job and standing in the society to earn, live, with power and wealth.
So, if you want to win in love, concentrate on studies, focus on skill development for becoming employable and grow in profession, to become a good human being with maturity etc. Love will automatically become successful.
Otherwise neither your love nor your life will become successful!!
Love is to live. Not to die by committing suicide by being weak.
To live, you have to become as said above.
All the best.
Peacefully yours...Rams...Psychologist!!

THIS IS FOR ALL COLLEGE STUDENTS....

Dear all...THIS IS FOR ALL COLLEGE STUDENTS...
Mostly when a boy gets attracted to a girl during teenage or early twenties, it is for satiation of subconscious needs.
It is generally due to the attraction due to physical appearance or adolescent innocent cuteness.
So, there is a chance that the attraction can go if the physical appearance disappears or innocent cuteness goes off due to aging. If the attraction is due to obsession, then it can go off once the obsession goes.
It can also go off if the need vanishes for the boy or it gets satiated through some other source.
If it matures to attraction for human qualities or motherly love from the girl or beyond the needs and wants of self, evolves to unconditional level, then only it can sustain beyond all the barriers and changes that occur in needs and wants during various stages of life/ maturing of body and mind.
Therefore...
1. Be good friends. Don't make any commitments. Be within limits. Because no one knows where one will get job or admissions for higher studies. No one knows how the mind and body will change making the relationship to change. Parents and relatives also can influence changes. Of course, choices are plenty today. So, this also can make a person to change.
2. It is not possible to keep a person physically and mentally through our selfless behaviours and emotions only. It depends upon the other person. So, it is foolishness to do compromises and sacrifices at our basic needs, wants, passions, goals, aims etc during adolescent stage.
3. Decide your life partner only after you stabilize physically and mentally at a particular place in a particular organisation in mid twenties. Otherwise the jugglery can make you lose everything and land up in depression.
4. Of course, there are some rare people today also who stick on to their commitments and promises.
5. Our true wealth that will remain with us for ever is our own knowledge, educational qualifications, skills, talents, personality traits, experiences, memories, our body, our mind, our health, our peace, our contentment and fulfillment, our self actualization, our own deeds (karma). There is no guarantee of other things and other people. So, our own independency, resilience and adaptability are our strengths.
Peacefully yours...Rams...Psychologist!!