appreciate and encourage. Don’t criticize negatively and discourage.....create, retain, and endure friends and relationships...

 

Dear all,

I have noticed from childhood that our parents shout at their children like the following in anger, even the wives shout at their husbands almost with similar discouraging words. At office environment also the friends, peers, bosses use such words or similar discouraging words:-

நீ வேஸ்ட் !!! (you are a waste!!)

நீ தண்டம் !!! (you are useless!!)

நீ உருப்பட மாட்டே !!! (There is no hope that you will become successful in life!!)

உன்னை பெத்ததே வேஸ்ட் !!! (why did I give birth to you!!)

நீ நாசமா போக!! (you will surely go to dogs!!)

சனியனே....என் வயத்துல ஏன்டா வந்து பொறந்தே!!! (why did you take birth from my womb!!)

நீ ஒரு பைசாக்கு லாயக்கு இல்ல!! (you are no worth!!)

உன்னால ஒன்னும் பண்ண முடியாது !!! (you can’t do anything good!!)

நீ ஸ்மார்ட் இல்ல !! (you are not smart!!)

உனக்கு மூளை இல்ல !! (you don’t have brain!!)

உனக்கு அறிவு பத்தாது!! (you are not intelligent!!)

உனக்கு திறமை இல்ல !! (you don’t have skills!!)

பக்கத்து வீட்டு பையன பாரு ....அவனோட மூத்திரத்தை குடி ....அப்பிடியாவது உனக்கு புத்தி வருதான்னு பார்ப்போம் !! (look at that boy (or girl or guy)!! How good he is (or she is)!!)

உனக்கு புத்தியே இல்ல !! (you don’t have common sense!!)

உன்னால ஒன்னும் பண்ண முடியாது !!! (you are worthless!!)

'இத விட்டுடு ....உன்னால இத பண்ண முடியாது!!' (leave this, you can’t do it!!)

உனக்கு திறமை இல்ல !! (you are not capable!!)

Now, most of the achievers in life, would have faced such words from parents, friends, teachers, and others around. When these are used by parents and significant people (people who are significant to us and to whom we are significant) then it affects the child a lot. Some children may take it as a challenge to prove these words to be wrong. They work hard in a positive manner to become achievers. These கேலி, கிண்டல், பழிச்சொல், அவதூறு etc motivate them to excel, to become the best, and they outperform others everywhere.

But these are very few. Most of the children believe these words to be true, get demotivated, get depressed, especially when their own parents tell these words or those whom they keep at high position in their mind tell these words they get disheartened, heartbroken, and totally feel damaged into pieces.

Whereas, when we highlight the positive points, they get appreciated. This appreciation will make them listen to us for the areas needing improvement, and how to improve the weak areas, etc. Then they show positive thinking, changed behaviours etc towards improvement and progress in life. At that time, we should encourage them, appreciate their positive change, then they become really good in everything.

Even in relationships and friendships this will help to make, retain and endure people in our lives!!

So, appreciate and encourage. Don’t criticize negatively and discourage!!

Peacefully yours… Rams…Psychologist!!

'What is spirituality and what is psychology?'

 

A Conversation Between me and another person....

X: What’s the use of psychology? What does it even talk about?

Me: Great question. Let me begin with what I consider fundamental:
Point No.1 – Every human being must acquire the knowledge and skills necessary to keep their body, mind, and social relationships healthy. This is the first and most important learning in life. Everything else—like academics, careers, or achievements—is secondary and simply an add-on.

X: But spirituality teaches all that in a better way!

Me: True, spirituality often addresses these areas. But from a scientific standpoint, spirituality can be seen as a subset of psychology, because it uses psychological processes—like introspection, mindfulness, detachment, or emotion regulation—to help achieve Point No.1.

X: I disagree. How can spirituality be a subset of psychology?

Me: Let me ask: Does spirituality help you reach Point No.1?

X: Yes, absolutely.

Me: Then it aligns with psychology’s core purpose. Psychology studies all methods—spiritual or otherwise—that impact human behavior and well-being. If spirituality contributes to well-being, it becomes part of what psychology aims to understand, explore, and often measure.

X: Here's a video by a spiritual teacher explaining consciousness. What do you think?

Me: It's very well explained for a general audience. The speaker defines consciousness in a way that makes people feel peace and clarity. You may even feel a sense of connection or inspiration, which is wonderful.

But we must remember—consciousness is a vast subject, and what he presented is just one interpretation. If we call that interpretation “spiritual,” it still falls within the scope of psychology because psychology also studies consciousness—through scientific methods, theories, and evolving frameworks.

X: But spirituality talks about going beyond the mind, beyond the self. Does psychology really go there?

Me: Yes, psychology explores even those realms—through fields like transpersonal psychology, consciousness studies, and neuroscience of altered states. It examines behaviors, thoughts, emotions, and experiences scientifically, even those that feel beyond ordinary awareness.

And remember: Some ideas are proven, some still under research, and others evolving as our tools and understanding improve. That’s the nature of science—it’s humble, curious, and constantly refining its knowledge.

X: So are you saying spirituality is not beyond psychology?

Me: Let me put it this way: Before Newton formulated the law of gravity, apples still fell. Gravity existed—people observed it—but no one explained it scientifically. Similarly, human behaviors, emotions, spiritual experiences—all have always existed. Psychology simply studies them systematically, gives them frameworks, and works toward evidence-based understanding.

So when someone says, “Spirituality heals,” or “Spirituality brings peace,” psychology asks: How? Why? Under what conditions? And it tries to replicate those effects across people, with clarity and repeatability.

X: Still, I feel like spirituality touches something deeper...

Me: It often does—especially emotionally. But that’s precisely why psychology studies it. Spiritual practices may bring calm, perspective, or connection—and those are psychological outcomes. The feelings we label “spiritual” arise in the mind, are felt in the body, and influence behavior—so they are absolutely within psychology’s domain.

X: But psychology can’t explain everything yet, right?

Me: Correct. Just like physics or medicine, psychology is still growing. Some things are well understood, others are still mysteries. That doesn’t mean they are beyond science—only that science hasn't fully explained them yet.

And unlike rigid dogma, science admits what it doesn’t know. It keeps learning.

X: Hmm.

Me: One more point: Can spirituality cure all mental illnesses?

X: Probably not.

Me: Exactly. For anxiety, depression, schizophrenia, trauma—you need a psychologist or psychiatrist. Spirituality may help some people cope or find meaning, but it cannot replace medical or psychological treatment. In that sense, spirituality works within the larger framework of psychology, not outside it.

X: That makes sense.

Me: So to summarize:

• Both spirituality and psychology may lead to Point No.1.

• But psychology has broader scope—it includes therapy, mental health, cognition, relationships, learning, and even spiritual experiences.

• If spirituality contributes to human well-being, it becomes a valuable piece within psychology’s larger puzzle.

My goal—as a psychologist—is for you to reach Point No.1. If spiritual practice helps, that’s great! But don’t stop exploring. Don’t get attached to just one path, person, or explanation.
We live in a time where universal knowledge is abundant—scientific, philosophical, spiritual. Use it all. Study. Question. Reflect. Don’t build walls around yourself—expand your understanding. And most importantly: seek truth, not just comfort.

X: (quietly thinking)

Me: And remember—true wisdom isn’t in choosing one side, but in understanding how everything connects to make life healthier, more meaningful, and more whole.

---

Yours peacefully,
Rams – Psychologist

"Sir, 'life is a combination of sorrows and happiness (a mix of ‘inbam’ and ‘thunbam’)’ is it true?"

 One Question and One answer.......................................

Qn. “sir, I keep reading in whatsapp memes that ‘life is a combination of sorrows and happiness (a mix of ‘inbam’ and ‘thunbam’)’ is it true?...Why some people suffer more and some suffer less?...Is there any way to avoid suffering?”

Ans: Everyone of my age has his/her worldly experience and within that sphere of experience/wisdom everyone will have different answers for this question. They may be right and correct in their perspective. I am sharing my understanding from my own life experience.

I feel that everyone’s destiny is different. But society draws the same line of destiny for everyone – take birth, play, grow, go to school and college, learn something, get some job, get married, produce children, rear them, send them to school/college, let them get a job, get them married, play with grandchildren, get aged, die.

This undermines one’s talents and misses out whatever one can do to get unlimited knowledge, wisdom, skills, potential, capabilities, and with that whatever they can do to get wealth, achievements, fame, power, authority, love and affection, self-esteem, contentment, fulfillment, self-actualization, self-transcendence etc.

Therefore, society’s concept is wrong, primitive, not suitable for the present world of global opportunities.

In the past patriarchal society ruled by men to get their pleasures with autocratic, dictatorial, imperious, rigid, strict, totalitarian, tyrannical family and social structure the women were repeatedly told they are weak, they have to be servants of home and men, irrespective of whether they are working or not, and they were pushed in to ‘learned helplessness’ psychological state due to multilayer rules, regulations, securities, nicknames, stigmas, etc.

So, someone is a born singer, or dancer, or social thinker, or global sports personality, or a politician, or a lawyer, or an engineer, or a doctor, or a social activist, or a spiritual guru, or a corporate leader, or an architect, or a painter, or an artist, or a scientist, or a military leader etc etc.

All these depend upon the personality traits of the individuals and all the above shape, change, and fine-tune the personalities of individuals depending upon their life experiences and the resultant lessons of learning.

Now all these people will have different kind of marriage and family life suiting to their profession. When profession, passion, goals, and dreams do not align with the kind of marriage or life partner or lifestyle or family life, then things will fail miserably.

No wonder the traditional parents are making the marriages of their children to fail without understanding the above, and they blame the youngsters saying they don’t know what life is or how to live or how to live a married life, while quoting the slavery life the ancestors lived.

Therefore, I feel that: -

1. Destiny of every individual is different.

2. Destiny is predetermined. Everyone’s destiny is good with some conditions.

3. Destiny has both positives and negatives.

4. Morals, values, ethics, human nature, godly qualities are fulcrum of life which form the conditions to decide the destiny to be positive or negative.

5. If we are good, and if we do good, then cues appear infront to indicate our positive path of destiny where when we put in hard work, we reap success. We work hard to learn the lessons of life, to understand the purpose and meaning of life, we enjoy this life path, that wisdom gained, we feel happiness in this process of understanding, we feel elated, enlightened, blessed, we radiate love, we glow with peace, we shine with positivity and attraction, and we live a meaningful life of high quality and standards.

6. If we do not have (4) above, then we automatically and naturally miss out and neglect the positive cues of life, and choose the negative cues of destiny, face failures in all our attempts, live a life on thorns, sorrows, etc and suffer, blame others, blame destiny, blame the god.

7. If we have (4) above and adamantly choose the negatives then cues for negative part of destiny and paths of negativity make us to suffer, make us learn lessons of life in a hard way with sufferings and losses of physical well-being, mental well-being, social well-being, career, family life, etc. But the cues for positive destiny will keep appearing repeatedly in front, to make you choose the correct path, because of the (4) above. Whenever we choose, the positives, and change the path, then the destiny changes, positives start happening, success starts becoming way of life, then we start enjoying the life.

8. Some seek the assistance of astrologers to find out their destiny and some are able to predict the past and future correctly with some decent percentage of correctness. May be one can consult few best astrologers and take the common views of all of them and keep them as reference to match with their life cues and check out.

9. Therefore, “life is a combination of sorrows and happiness (a mix of ‘inbam’ and ‘thunbam’)” is wrong. This is a philosophy written by someone with (6) or (7). Those with (5) will face only happiness, success, contentment, fulfillment and live a meaningful life.

10. Arguing with statements like ‘will you not feel sad due to death of loved ones, pains due to diseases etc’ is meaningless, as a person of (5) will understand the natural processes of life with birth and death, ailments of aging etc and their wisdom will make them accept these natural processes, gain power and resilience to come out of the grief fast and live a normal life.

11. The point I am making is that destiny and life of every individual is different, career and life path of every individual is different, the passion, goals, dreams, potential, capabilities, talents, what they can do, what they cannot do are different, the married or unmarried part of life of everyone is different, all these are to be aligned with each other to support each other, and we should follow the morals, values, and ethics in life to add more positive karma to choose the cues of positive destiny - life path, to reap success in all our efforts and attempts. The natural processes of life like death, ailments due to aging, etc are common for all and not different.

Peacefully yours....rams....The Psychologist!...

https://www.linkedin.com/in/mramasubramanian1/

Why organisations are not able to survive for a long time? Why they perish?

 Dear all,

Organizations perish if they do not 'develop' "sustainable dynamic capabilities".

Each word in this is universe by itself.

Rams

Sir, How to become a Nobel Laureate?

 Dear all,

When we observe the Nature, when we question its actions, processes, creations, undertake a life long journey of understanding, researching, and finding the truths and philosophies of Nature, formulating the theory, discover and document the way Nature functions, describe the detailed nano and micro activities undertaken by Nature, work on the tiny substances it creates, revealing the time precision with which it works and the coordination of time and activities/processes, the amazing speeds with which it works without our realization, the way it works without creating any noticeable sound, and unravelling the complex phenomenon, bringing out the underlying facts, predicting it's future evolution, is the way to become a Nobel Laureate.  

Yours peacefully...Rams...

Dr.Prof.Captain (IN).M Ramasubramanian, IIM Kashipur (Retd).

BSc (AS),BTech, MTech, MBA, MSc, C. Eng.(India) 

PhD (Elec. Engg), PhD (Psy), SMIEEE (USA), FIE, FIETE, MISTE, MAeSI

"Sir, why relationships are failing?"

 Dear all,

The human relationships worldwide are failing because human beings make Transactional Relationships. They look for something from the other person, either openly/directly or in subtle ways. In Live-in relationships and relationships-with-benefits there is a give-and-take, a kind of business relationship, an unwritten contractual terms and conditions in the relationship. Therefore, when the conditions are not met or when the needs are no more existing, then the relationship fails. 

If it is a Transformative Relationship then one is interested in transforming the other person...there is no self interest...our interest is there on the other person...generally it is well accepted, received, and recognised by the other person...i.e we are in the giving mode...transforming mode...the person can probably feel the changes, developments, improvements, growth, in them in different dimensions of the self, life, career, happiness levels, peace and contentment levels...and the relationship may not break or weaken...

So, covert all your Transactional Relationships into Transformative Relationships!!

Peacefully yours...Rams...Psychologist!!

"Sir, How to become a Genius?"

 Dear all,

How to become a Genius?

Read one page. Think Hundred pages. Ask thousands of questions. Find answers scientifically. Use eyes of Nature. Understand how nature works. Find solutions in the Nature's way!!

Peacefully yours...

Rams