hai all...let us read this post from a specialist...
"""there's another huge, and very common, confusion here in this. The confusion between "who you are" and "what you do".
These two things are not the same, and not at the same level.
Do you know the "Logical Levels" model, which Robert Dilts elaborated from an earlier Gregory Bateson's one?
"Behaviors", meaning "What you do", like "to do something" or "to say something", are quite far from Identity, meaning "Who you are", separated by "Skills" and, especially, "Values and Beliefs" levels.
Now, this thing of "being what you do" is, again one of the biggest mistakes (and the most limiting beliefs) EVER.
It keeps people from changing. "If I do something different, I'm not 'me' anymore!".
No, what we should tend to is "to do what we are", which is a totally different thing, and has to do with ethics, self-worth, self-respect, and following who we truly are...
Yes, nobody would ask his/her loved one to change WHO HE/SHE IS in order to be loved.
Yet, it may well happen that someone asks the loved one to change some of his/her BEHAVIOR in order to make the relationship work, or to keep it in good shape.
And you know what? It shouldn't be a problem, because this would happen ONLY when such behaviors are in conflict with some REALLY DEEP value/belief/goal or mission in one's life... or in the life of the relationship itself.
This said, I fundamentally agree with your other points.
Yes, we all are able to "romantically" love more than one person at a time. And this is one of the reasons I have a personal war against romanticism: it becomes an alibi against commitment.
we cannot stand more than ONE relationship at a time. And this is why I pointed out that we must make a distinction between love as a sentiment/feeling/emotion (?) and a love relationship...
To me, love is also something I decide to commit to and convert into a relationship.
And at that point, I'll take responsibility for that decision, and act accordingly, for the One that I am and the One that my partner is will integrate to become a Bigger ONE, to which both belong to and to which both will give priority... The "US" that is made of two fully functioning, complete Ones.
And I also agree with the quotation, It IS the ultimate "investment". """
rams
"""there's another huge, and very common, confusion here in this. The confusion between "who you are" and "what you do".
These two things are not the same, and not at the same level.
Do you know the "Logical Levels" model, which Robert Dilts elaborated from an earlier Gregory Bateson's one?
"Behaviors", meaning "What you do", like "to do something" or "to say something", are quite far from Identity, meaning "Who you are", separated by "Skills" and, especially, "Values and Beliefs" levels.
Now, this thing of "being what you do" is, again one of the biggest mistakes (and the most limiting beliefs) EVER.
It keeps people from changing. "If I do something different, I'm not 'me' anymore!".
No, what we should tend to is "to do what we are", which is a totally different thing, and has to do with ethics, self-worth, self-respect, and following who we truly are...
Yes, nobody would ask his/her loved one to change WHO HE/SHE IS in order to be loved.
Yet, it may well happen that someone asks the loved one to change some of his/her BEHAVIOR in order to make the relationship work, or to keep it in good shape.
And you know what? It shouldn't be a problem, because this would happen ONLY when such behaviors are in conflict with some REALLY DEEP value/belief/goal or mission in one's life... or in the life of the relationship itself.
This said, I fundamentally agree with your other points.
Yes, we all are able to "romantically" love more than one person at a time. And this is one of the reasons I have a personal war against romanticism: it becomes an alibi against commitment.
we cannot stand more than ONE relationship at a time. And this is why I pointed out that we must make a distinction between love as a sentiment/feeling/emotion (?) and a love relationship...
To me, love is also something I decide to commit to and convert into a relationship.
And at that point, I'll take responsibility for that decision, and act accordingly, for the One that I am and the One that my partner is will integrate to become a Bigger ONE, to which both belong to and to which both will give priority... The "US" that is made of two fully functioning, complete Ones.
And I also agree with the quotation, It IS the ultimate "investment". """
rams
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