Don't compare and try to be like others. Try to be different. Make others to be like you.
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Comparison is the main source of all miseries in life. Never compare yourself with others. Please understand that you are different. You are born with unique capabilities and the development process has given you unique knowledge, skills and experience. Groom them so that you are unique and different. You can always observe others and take the good characteristics from them to perfect or improve yourself. But never compare. We always look at the profit accounts of others and feel jealousy. Please remember, the Profit and Loss accounts of individuals may be different. But the final Balance Sheet of Happiness is the same for all. This is my personal opinion. Like the way 'Energy is conserved', i feel, 'happiness is also conserved'. If you try to get one type of happiness you have to lose one type of happiness. There is no gain without pain. The equilibrium of happiness is always maintained by nature.
use others' brains
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When a job or responsibility is given to an individual, what he does. He does it with the available past knowledge or experience. This is wrong. With this you can not complete job in a better manner. What you must do is, discuss with those who have got knowledge and experience on this job. Compile all and work out your own strategy and method of doing the job. You will find you would have done it in a much better way and incorporated redundancies too. So, you will never fail and certainly it will be a grand success applauded by every one. So, do not use just only your brain...use others' brains too. Only fools use their brain. Clever people use others brains too to attain synergic advantage.
put in your best and not the best
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Everything that we try to do in our life has an ideal condition reaching which is extremely difficult or nearly impossible. Organisations define quality requirements of jobs. But human beings have limitations. Every human being is different in skills. He may not be able to live up to the expectations. In such a situation what you must do? Just put in your best. After completing the job you should feel that you could not have done better. That is all. Don't try to do the best which will stress you, may not allow you to do the best and will land up with rewards like hypertension, diabetes, high cholesterol etc. While puting in the best, read more about the job from various sources, speak to the experienced people and the bosses who have given the job and defined the quality standards. You will be able to put in the best.
Be in The Present
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All human beings from children to old aged people have multiple jobs to perform. They always have a big list of jobs to be done within a short time. So, they are always stressed. While we are doing one job the brain thinks about the next job to be done. It also thinks about the previous job which could not be completed in time and with quality for which you had hear your ears full from others. This stresses you, does not allow you to concentrate, brings head ache and finally you are not able to do the present job also in time with quality. So, you are likely to hear your ears full again and your life going to become miserable like loosing job etc. Please tame your brain. Keep it cool with yoga and meditation. Keep your body balanced with more of vegetables and fruits. Think always about The Present. It is the bird in hand. Do not loose it by thinking about the future and the past. When you do a job think only about it. Do not get anxiety struck thinking will i be able to complete it in time? will i be able to complete it with quality? etc. If you think all these, certainly you will not be able to complete it. If you think cool that i will be able to complete it and concentrate on the job, you will certainly able to complete it. So, always be in The Present.
All IT people! Apply for an MBA!
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I have got a suggestion for all those who get selected for IT jobs through campus interview. Just see how better it is and do it. What i have observed is that all those who are recruited by IT companies through campus selection are called to report for job approximately after one year. During this time the students are not able to take up jobs anywhere. I feel that they should apply for MBA by correspondence so that the one year is spent usefully and can complete after joining for job. Though it is better to do after some experience and at the best B schools, every one may not be able to do it like this. So, such people can follow this suggestion.
Do not take the juice. Groom your subordinates.
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You go to any organisation and ask the manager 'what is your responsibility with respect to human resource under you?'. He is likely to say 'To take the juice out of them and meet the organisational goals!'. This is wrong in my opinion. All of you will become managers of men shortly. Remember, you are not there to take the juice. You are there to groom. My philosophy is 'you do not think about the job. You are a manager. You think about THEM. THEY will think about the job'. If you think about the job then they will think about themselves. What i mean by this is, love your subordinates (remember, i do not mean that love!)...means feel for them...for their welfare...for their happiness...for their comfort..for their growth in profession...for their satisfaction and happiness in life...identify their strengths...identify their weaknesses...counsel them periodically...as a team mate help him to grow his strengths and come out of the weaknesses by being with him constantly...this will bring in a sense of belongingness, involvement, interest in the organisation and job...he should feel that office is the happiest place...you are the best person in his life to be with...be rest assured...he will perform to the best. He, while giving the best performance, will also grow in potential and become eligible for the next promotion and to reach greater heights in life. He will remember you always as a mentor and god father. You will get more friends than enemies. You will be successful while making others successful. Please remember. Only human beings can commit mistakes. Animals can not commit mistakes. Also, one who does something only can commit mistakes. Not the one who shies away from jobs and responsibilities.
So, do not punish and destroy him. If it is unavoidable or inadervertant then tell him not to feel guilty and to learn only the lesson and cheer up with a pat on the back. If it is intentional then sit with him, discuss as to what made him to do like that or tell him 'hai brother, you are such a nice person and i did not expect this from you. You have hurt my feelings. Kindly do not repeat it'. This will not destroy him but help him to change constructively.
Accept all human beings as they are!
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Remember. Every human being is different as every individual is born with different intelligence, grown up in different family, social, cultural, religion, region,school and college environment. It is an asset. Do not consider this aspect as a problem. Accept all individuals as they are respecting their beliefs and sentiments. You will be good manager and a leader. I am telling you this with my experience of motivating the soldiers to go to the burial ground, which is the battle field.
Grow to more than what is needed.
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All of us join a job. We want to get promoted. We look at the next job. Identify the potentials required for doing that job. We make our selves qualified and be suitable for the job. We think that we will get promoted. I think in all probabilities he may not get promoted. Because there are some smart people who over grow more than required. That is they acquire the potentials required not only for the next job but also for the other future jobs or responsiblities. I feel that such people will get promoted in the competition. So, you should grow to more than what is needed.
importance of attitute
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Can any one tell me what is the first and foremost characteristic in an employee that is needed the most?
I feel it is not the knowledge, it is not the skills, it is not the experience...but it is the ATTITUDE that is more important. An employee may be a super dooper. But if his attitude is not positive then it is of no use. Whereas even if other things are less but the attitude is positive then by proper grooming he can be made the best employee. So, remember to have positive attitude when you join an organisation to merge your personal goals with those of the organisation. Your attitude will decide your altitude!
if you cannot climb an ashoka tree, reach greater heights by climbing a banian tree next to it.
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There are some organisations where in if you do not get promoted to the next position, you will not get promoted ever. This is found in government organisations. For eg. in defence if you miss your selective promotion, then you will get only one time scale promotion and that is all. Your fate is sealed. You will not get any further time scale or selective promotion. I have seen many who cry that their future is spoiled. In my opinion if they can not climb the ashoka tree there, they should take some time to improve the potential, focus and prepare to quit and finally quit it, climb the next banian tree...ie join the next career which has got more growth oppurtunities, using the improved potential and grow to greater heights than the previous ashoka tree.
Love is the basic for human relationships to last long
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Friends. In our life we have seen many. Interacted with many. From the time we open our eyes in the morning to close in the night our eyes see atleast 25 people. Some old. Some are new. It ranges from home to bus stop to office to social places or internet to mobile to many place and back home. We do not interact with every one. With those we interact the intensity varies, time duration varies. With some we even exchange emotional issues. Some relation ships start and end in a second with 'Excuse me, way please'. Some last for few minutes as we do it in train travels. Some last for few days like when you go for holidays to your friends house and meet some new friends. Some few months. Some few years..like the relationship with our neighbours or your relationship with your classmates. Some last for many years irrespective of the geographical separations. If you notice these relationships...all relationships start for want of happiness...i repeat for want of happiness. The happiness could be through many means. Even it could be simply a talking experience.For e.g Some times when you meet a guy you feel...'what a guy he is. Talking to him for few minutes gives me so much happiness, relaxation and motivation to live...it is terrific!'. Friends...if you analyse all your relationships, the one that lasts long is the one where love is the base. Here by the word love i mean 'i care for you, i feel for you, i am there with you' type of a feeling in words and spirit. It could be sexual or non-sexual. Only in such relationships emotional exchanges take place. Sacrifices take place. The person wants to live more. The person wants to have that feeling of loving and being loved and continues with the relationship. So, if you want some relationship to continue for ever just see that love is the base there. Otherwise it will break one day. Relationships where materialistic advantages are the base can not last longer.
Why human beings socialise?
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All human beings are a good resource. They have lots of things like knowledge, wealth, skills etc. Every one does not have everything. When we find a person who has got something which we do not have, we feel he is resourceful. i.e he can be of use to you. You can get something which you do not have. All these things take place either in the concious mind or in the unconcious mind. Without your knowledge the mind starts doing all the calculations. So, a person gets attracted to another person for socialisation or making of a relationship only if the person has RESOURCEFULNESS USEFULL FOR THE OTHER. Otherwise no socialisation can take place. You may or may not agree with me. But this is a fact. It will last as long as win win situtation is there for both. i.e both of them gain by sharing of resourcefullness in each of them. The time this win win situation is lost i.e one is satisfied and he feels the resourcefulness of the other is no longer required he will withdraw and the other also will peel off. If the other person still wants resourcefulness benefit then he might make some more attempts to continue the relationship, to yield more, but if it is not accommodative then he will withdraw. So, friends...if you want people to approach you for socialisation, then increase the resourcefulness in you. The most common one which every one looks for from the other is a smiling and radiating face. I am sure this is very much possible. So, today onwards remember to have a smiling and cheerful face. This is the biggest resource. If you can make others laugh and feel happy with your good sense of humour you will find many people approaching you for socialising.
What is friendship?
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As i said earlier, when we meet a person our mind evaluates him without our knowledge and gives go ahead signal only if it feels confident, safe and comfortable. Then you interact with him and share your knowledge first. Then opinions. Then feelings. Then beliefs. If all these match with the other person then you share your secrets and emotions. i.e you are ready to loose your privacy. Now if the other person also does atleast the same then he is a friend. i.e if you give 20% of friendship, he should think 'look at this guy. He is so nice. I should reciprocate and show my feeling for him by giving 40%'. Then he gives 40%. Looking at this you also feel the same and give 80%. Then he multiplies it and gives more. In this type of relationship if you see both try to multiply the realtionship by showing more and more feeling of love, togetherness, caring etc. This is what i define as friendship. Such relationships will multiply exponentially and keep growing for ever for life time. Moment one of them thinks that it is his weakness to expose himself, uses and exploits the other person thinking that he is yielding, he is a fool etc...then the relationship will break. It is not friendship. Also such people will get exposed immediately to every one and they can not continue such explotations for long. Unfortunately such people keep hopping to far of people and establishing exploiting relationships. But remember, they cannot feel they are smart for long. One day they will get killed because every one is not a gandhiji.
Who is the best friend?
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In my opinion it is one with whom you can share all type of issues, feelings, emotions freely with out inhibitions, hiding etc. It is extremely difficult to get some one who is trust worthy like this. If you have one, you are luckiest person on earth. Every human being on earth does not reveal or share or discuss everything with others. They give some space to the other person and only share limited information. They do not allow the other person also to encroach more than that space. This is valid even between the spouses. All women have their privacy which they do not share with their husbands. All men also have their privacy which they do not share with their wives. It is the naked truth. You may not agree with me and might vehemently oppose this. But if you analyse your mind, you will find that you would not have shared some information with your spouse intentionally or unintentionally. It may be for good. But privacy remains.
All living beings are borne for others.
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Friends. If you carefully observe your surroundings and other living beings, they are all borne for others. They give so much for others. for e.g plant life gives fruits, vegetables and all type of food and medicines for the other living beings. Animal life also gives all type of food and medicines for all types of living beings. Even human beings are borne for others. If you organise your life and life processes and base your life with this thinking that 'i am borne for others' you will find a great everlasting, and soul filling happiness spreading all over your body and brain and you will also find each and every human being and other living beings that you cross in your life will follow you, adore you, even worship you and you will become a mahaan. As i said earlier, anything which you buy using money except love, will only give happiness for a brief time. But the direct service you do for the other living beings with a feeling that 'i am borne for others' will give you such a great feeling, memories, moments of fulfillment and ever lasting happiness...No words can make you understand. you have to feel it to understand it. If you live for others you will live for ever. If you are selfish you will perish in no time.
Every living being on this earth is important.
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professor arulnidhi rama irusuppillai in one of his books say that in a cricket team every player is important all the time. No one is redundant. No one is unimportant. Every one is equally important. It is not like some one is more important than the other. Victory or failure, it has to be shared equally among all. We create teams and groups with equal importance and necessity for every individual in it. In the same way, if you carefully analyse all living beings, nature has created or evolved every living being with a purpose out of necessity. Evolution, the never ending process, takes place out of necessities in nature that arise from time to time. Nature creates and carves every living being to meet this necesscity. If an organism is no longer required, it vanishes and evolution continues. So, remember, nature has created every living being, including all of you here, with a purpose. You have a purpose of being born here. It is to live for other living beings and make your simple living to be a great life. It holds good from the smallest single cellular organism to the biggest multicellular organism. No one is unwanted. No one is less important or more important. Every one is equally important. If you are not wanted then you would not have been created by the nature. Human being is not the end of evolution. We are a stage in the process of evolution. That is all. If nature feels that one more creation is necessary it will make an organism to evolve in to that new species. So, remember each one of you are important to all the social institutions starting from family and all living beings on this earth. Imagine..you are wanted for all the billions and trillions of living beings on this earth and in the same way all these innumerable living beings are existing for you. Not for you only. This we must remember. We only have the usage rights of the resourcefullness of the living being if it offers. That is all. We do not have the right to destroy any living being showing our mastery, because it belongs equally to all other living beings on this earth. If one destroys a living being all other living beings have got the right and responsibility to question him, correct him, and accept him again as a changed individual.
Whenever there is a problem go back to the basics to solve it!
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In life we face problems every day from the time we start our life in the morning. They try to kill us. They keep us unhappy and do not allow us to function and live. We try to solve the problems...but with the known solutions...conventional solutions...looking at issues superficially...with our past experiences. But remember. Problems may be same or differnt from time to time. But the issues to be processed to find solution are changing from time to time. Society is changing. Culture is changing. Thinking, belief systems, life processes of human beings are changing, economy, industries, technology, etc etc....virtually everything under the sky and above the sky too...are changing. Universe is a dynamic system. So, earth and all that happen on earth in nature and man made are not different. In a dynamic system like this we need to constantly evaluate ourselves, our life, our life processes, organisational issues, social issues etc etc and keep them changing with new innovative methods of problem solving. But to find the correct method of solving problems you have to start from the basics..the origin..do not look at superficially...your decision might appear to be correct superficially for the time being...but it may not be a long lasting solution. It may not be strategic. For e.g if an engineering college is unable to place all the students, then they do lots of gimmicks to attract the industry looking at the issue superficially or following the model of other colleges. In my opinion they have to look at the current and future needs of the industry and make a syllabus suiting these needs. This is the starting point. It should be revised periodically when ever the need of the industry changes. Remaining changes to follow this. So, solve problems in life by going back to the basics. Do not start solving the problems from the present state of affairs.
Study the evolution to make the right decisions in problem solving
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Friends. Please remember most of the things in life and on earth have come up through evolution based on necessities. Not by revolution. Revolution might have taken place for the evolution to continue. For the change to happen may be in an innovative way and not in a conventional way. That is all. Therefore, to solve many problems in life study the evolution of the problem for better understanding of the problem, reasons for whatever has happened in the past and automatic emergence of solutions. It will help you to structure your thinking and take a right decision acceptable for all and implementable for ever.
There is nothing worth achieving under the sky by spoiling your health.
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I hope it is self explanatory. If you run behind wealth by spoiling your health, you will spend the entire wealth to maintain the spoiled health. You can analyse the life of people known to you. This is a fact. So, health is wealth. Give the utmost importance in life to it. But generally during this stage in life...i.e between 13 to 25 years we read a lot about importance of health conciously....but we get unconsciously desensitized about this issue in no time...we miss meals...we eat lots of junk food and unhealthy food...we pick up wrong health habbits like drinking, smoking, consuming drugs etc which live with us till death and kill us fast.
Health psychologists call this age as the 'window of vulnerability' to all chronic bad health habits of life. If you carefully observe, all human beings would have picked up the wrong health habits that they have only during this period of their life. And if you observe, most of them are chronic that they remain with the individual for life time i.e addictive ones that they can not live with out them and slowly get killed by them. It is also observed by the scientists that most of the bad health habits are picked up because of peer pressure and need for acceptance by the peer group. In my opinion this is an illusion. That only if you drink alcohol or consume drugs or smoke cigarettes your friends will accept you. As i said earlier, resourcefulness is the basic necessity for people to approach you and make friendships. Not these habits. If you are resourceful you will find many people around you. In fact they will be good people too who will spread good health habits, value systems and happiness around them. Others will not come near you and they will vanish. You will remain pure, infact will have more friends who are good in all dimentions, live long with good health, wealth and happiness. This is my personal experience in life. Remember, no female wants to kiss an ash tray unless she her self is an ash tray.
All these addictive chemicals induce stress in our body and mind. They do not relieve stress for a long time or permanently. People who get addicted to these habits initially pick up for peer group acceptance but later even after their peer group have accepted them they continue to use these chemicals in their life for stress bursting. How can a stress inducer be a stress burster for ever? You are all educated people and so need to think!
Use of drugs for curing a problem is called use. Use of drugs for pleasure is called drug abuse. Using your body for work after giving the required nutrients is called body use. Using your body for work without giving the required nutrients or by giving wrong unhealthy food is called body abuse. So, kindly do not abuse your body and be disloyal to your mother who has produced it and irresponsible to your wife and children and of course to the nature and society too as you do not have the right to kill yourself as your are created by nature for others and not for you.
If some one says these chemicals give them utmost pleasure and happiness in life i beg to differ. I think they are ignorant and are not aware of so many other good health habits that give them long lasting pleasure, happiness, ecstasy...probably i can even use the word orgasm... like early morning walk merged with the nature, meditation, yoga etc. Unfortunately in our society these things are perceived to be meant only for old and diseased people. They are not a culture in our society. In my opinion it is our duty as educated people to bring in this habit of early rising, morning walk merged with nature, meditation, yoga, good health food, value systems and habits in our daily walk of life right from child hood so that they become the culture of future societies. In fact if some one does all these then his neuro transmitter and hormone levels will be in balance and they will not feel like having the addictive substances. Let us leave a legacy behind and not unhealthy and diseased societies. I think it is time to wake up and sensitise ourselves to free from the dangerous slow killer diseases like diabetes, hypertension and high cholesterol, which are caused primarily due to wrong life style and bad health food habits.
In my personal experience i have seen many youngsters slogging a lot, spoiling their health, to achieve their goals, without realising that they can not grow with the same rate after 40 as they are likely to get knocked down with chronic diseases, when their mind and body will not be able to run together with same speed. Remember, most of the people reach the maslow's third level of social needs around 40 yrs age, self esteem needs between 40 and 50 and self actualisation after 50 yrs of age. If you are not keeping good health to enable the faster run required after 40 then imagine what will happen to you. You might get stuck at third or at the maximum 4th level itself, you may not self actualise and land up with psychological problems amidst your mid life crisis and of course, come to me for treatment! Friends, remember, physical illness affects only the body. By eating medicines it will become alright and will not affect your life processes for a longer time. But psychological illness can affect your job security, family life, social life, may push you to commit suicide and it can affect the life of others in the family too. Therefore, the issue is serious and please take care.
If you closely observe roughly about 30% of the people who are more than 40 years and above take some medicine or the other every day which doctor has prescribed for life time. i.e that illness will remain with them and take them to the grave. As age increases this percentage of people who take life long medicines also increases and of course the number, potency and the dosage you take also increase and finally land up with only medicines as your diet. My mother takes 10 different types of medicines at different dosages and potency. My father takes 5 different medicines. I am sure this must be the case in every family. Many of my friends take atleast one medicine every day. Most of us die every day to live the next day and the next day also we die to live the other next day. When that next day for living will come. Probably the day we go to the grave! So, my dear young generation in front of me...please...please...please...think!
In my opinion getting up early in the morning, drinking one spoon of warm honey water, going for a brisk walk, yoga, meditation, 1 to 2 litres of water, a good carbohydrate breakfast before 8 am, a fruit juice at 10 am, a lunch with less carbohydrates and more proteins, vegetables and fruits, a cup of nuts at 5 pm and a much less carbohydrate diet with lots of vegetables and fruits as dinner before 8 pm, avoiding addictive chemicals, fried food, fat rich foods, carbohydrate foods like rice, potato, yam, etc would keep your health fit. Basically eat everything that is given in the 7th std science book other than the fat foods and do not eat anything that is not mentioned there.
I have seen many people going for a run to reduce the weight. It is totally wrong. Brisk walk is the correct intervention to reduce fat. The reason is when you run, the body requires more energy to burn at a faster rate. It does not have the time to melt the fat and convert into usable energy as this chemical process takes more time and it takes place at a slower rate. So, the brain orders to use the energy of the previous meal that you ate, which is kept at the Ready Use Store, for emergency requirements. This is not yet converted to fat. After you finish your run you will feel hungry and again hog. This gets converted into fat and gets stored. Next day the same thing happens again. So, the weight does not reduce. Whereas when you go for brisk walk the rate of burn is slow. So, brain orders to melt the fat and give. Your weight reduces. Therefore, the best exercise to reduce weight is a brisk walk. The more you walk, the more you will walk on this earth. Reduce your waist line and increase your life line. May be at your age you can go for a brisk walk in the morning and a run in the evening to ensure reduction of fat and a good cardiac system. If you go to gym also then you can get good muscles and structure too.
Aasha is good. Jealosy and 'peraasha' is bad.
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I have read in my primary school books that 'aasha' is the source of all miseries in life. I beg to differ. In my opinion all of us should have aashas. In fact many of them. And try to achieve them in a legal way. So, aasha leads to improvement in life. Only fear, anger, jealousy and 'peraasha' leads to miseries in life. I do not agree with 'pothum endra manamey pon seiyum marunthu'. I feel 'pothum endra manamey aalai kollum marunthu'.
Balance work, rest and entertainment
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Every one has to strike a balance between work, rest and entertainment every day. If you keep working you will spoil your physical and mental health. Many of us think if we enjoy the work it can become entertainment. It is wrong. If you do something with a monetary or other expectations then it is not an entertainment as they add stress to your mind. Entertainment relieves the stress. When you do physical work, you have to give physical rest to your body which is sleep. Seven hours of night sleep is a must not only to give your body the physical rest but also allow the night metabolism to happen. If this is affected be rest assured that your liver functions will get affected and you will land up with serious health problems. We abuse our body knowingly and unknowingly during day time. All these damages are squared up by the body to a possible extent during the night metabolism. If you do not allow it to happen then it is dangerous. If your mind is tired then give both entertainment and rest. So, refreshing the mind is not so easy and takes more time. Find out your refreshers which can destress you within a shor time. Use those as entertainment so that you get destressed in a short time and can get back to work.
How to speak or behave with others
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How to speak to others? Most of the time we do not think, we do not put ourselves in to others' shoes and talk what ever comes to our mind and later on feel bad. Some times we do not feel bad also for our talk or behaviour. All these affect others and they affect relationships. In my opinion 'speak the way you want others to speak to you'. 'behave the way you want others to behave with you'. If you follow these, you will never have strained relationships. This holds good in any environement like family or social or organisational.
How to strengthen relationships?
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Most of the time, if you analyse the strained relationships are due to insufficient or improper communication. We do not speak our heart out. We intentionally or unintentionally hide facts. Most of the time we only tell our decision. We do not explain how we arrived at the decision, the factors considered and weightages given etc. We have to always explain the reason why we feel so or do so. This will enlighten the other person and can understand you better. Otherwise there will be misunderstanding always and almost 90% of the fights between spouses, friends, organisational relationships is due to insufficient or improper communication. So, friends...speak your heart out! Tell everything with reasons. You will always be loved by the other.
Do not force others..make them understand
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We always have a tendency to force others to accept our views, feelings, beliefs or decisions. This is wrong. We do not want to get forced and so do others. The way we have got the freedom and right to live in our own way, others also have the freedom and right to live in their own way. So, do not force your views, beliefs and decisions on others. Explain yourself. Give them the time to understand and change. They might refuse onface the first time. But believe me. They will think about it in peaceful time and understand the truth in what you are saying. Next day they might come back and say 'i thought over it. I agree that there is truth in what you say. Let us go by your way!'. Changes in habits, value systems and culture takes long time. You have to constantly strive for the change by making the person to understand and patiently wait for the change.
In a team seek solutions from others
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When you are in a team to resolve the problems, seek solutions from all the team members. Discuss the pros and cons of all solutions. Then chalk out the best suitable programme agreed by all. You will find that the implementation is easy as every one will follow the decision they have agreed to.
Decision making
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Never take decisions in the night or early morning. These are the times either the body and mind are tired or the neuro transmitter states are not conducive. If you have taken a decision review it during the day time between 9 am to 12 am. If you feel it is right then go ahead implementing it. During decision making list down all the factors involved and allocate the weightages. Factors which can be converted to cost value will be agreed upon by all. But where emotional factors are involved you will find difference of opinion. In such cases give them time. Probably they will change the weightage they give and agree with you. During decion making involve all those who will get affected and who can influence the decisions or implementation. If many stake holders are there, then decision might require many sittings, discussions etc. During discussions emotional exchanges can take place. Allow it to happen. It is required to burst the pressures in the minds so that implementation is easy in a later stage and no rethinking on the decision will be required. If decisions are not feasible then postpone the decision making to give time for all to rethink the issue. If conventional decisions are not agreeable then think radically, unconventionally and creatively to find new and better solutions.
Audit the inputs to body and mind
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Friends, please remember your body and mind are not dust or garbage bins. The environement has somany inputs which can easily enter your body and mind without your knowledge and imbalance or deviate you from your focus. If you allow them to affect you then sometimes you may not be able to retrieve your life back from them. Your life can become like a flying paper in air. So, audit all the inputs that go inside the body and mind through mouth and other parts. Allow only those things which can cause good to you. Do not allow those which can cause direct or indirect harm.
Set goals
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Observe yourself what you are doing in a day. Most of us just get up in the morning, go to office or class room, do whatever comes to our mind or our way and go to sleep. I think animals also live this way. Let us be different. Set your long term goals. For e.g decide what you should achieve by 60 yrs of age and at 80. Break them into 5 year goals. Break these further into yearly, monthly, weekly and daily goals. At the end of each day analyse if you are on track towards your short term and long term goals. If you do this you will certainly able to achieve your goals. If one wants to climb everest then he should climb one step a day. If he climbs more steps then he might get exhausted and might withdraw from the goal. He should never turn back and see. He will find one day he will reach the top of everest. Now he should turn back and see the path he has covered. He will wonder. Here he has achieved his goal without his body and mind realising the pains involved in it. i.e he has nailed them without their knowledge.
make your constitution of life
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Look at our country. It has so much of variations in anything you can think off. But it is stable, united and growing. What makes it possible? It is the constitution which binds all of us and the processes of this country and gives the solution as to what is to be done at the time of crisis. Whether it is nuclear policy or seculiarism. In the same way, we also are attacked by many things from environment. Many a times we do not know what to do, what decision to make etc. I think every one should think for few days and write down the guidelines or boundaries of his life within which he will live and take decisions. If one does this, then at the time of crisis in his life, he has to just refer back to his 'Life Constitution' and go by what it says. He will never regret for his decisions and always will feel happy. Of course, the constitution of the country keeps getting amended from time to time based on the changes in the society, culture, economy etc. In the same way the Life Constitution also has to be reviewed periodically and changed. If we are rigid then we will break and our life and others' life can get affected.
keep changing. Do not be rigid. Be flexible. Change is a continuous process.
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When the environment around us is changing we also need to change in our thinking, feelings, and belief systems etc. If we are rigid then we will be left alone by others. If we change then we can be with others happily. In a family we have atleast 3 generations. 20yr old, 40 yr old and 80 yr old. All these have seen different societies and cultures. Societies and cultures are dynamic systems which keep changing continuously. Unless we change as per changes that are taking place around us we will not be able to live in harmony and happiness inside the family and outside too. So, we have to accept that change is the one which does not change and it is a continuous process. So, we also have to accept it and change ourselves coming out of our traditional concepts and belief systems. Old promises are to be revised and changed.
Feeling of rejection
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When ever you are unhappy just analyse the reasons. You will find that the feeling of rejection by your friend or family or organisations or teams or groups or societies is the root cause. It could be real or it is just your perception. Sit down and analyse it. If the mistake is from your side correct yourself to get accepted. If it is on the other side talk out your heart. You will find that you will be accepted. Human being is a social animal. It does not accept rejection by others. Feeling of rejection is the worst feeling anyone can get. It can push oneself in to depression and cause suicidal attempts. So, let us take a pledge from today onwards that we will not allow any one to get the feeling of rejection because of us. Let us talk it out, correct ourselves or others, correct the perceptions and live happily. Let us not exist. Let us co-exist with others and live in harmony.
Do not try to satisfy others. First satisfy yourself.
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All of us try to please others all the time. We are not bothered about our selves. Most of the middle class families try to boast themselves to seek attention and acceptance. We keep thinking that what others will think. Please remember. You can not satisfy and please every one around you. There will be some who are unhappy. There will be some who will talk ill about you. Human beings get happiness when they talk about others. Specially ill about others. So, first convince yourself. Satisfy yourself. Do things which you feel are right for your life. Live your life. Do not live others' life. If you live your life you will always feel satisfied and get the feeling of fulfillment and contentment. If you live others' life then you will always find dis-satisfied and you will never feel fulfillment and contentment.
Control the mind
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Mind is a devil. It will always think about those which can make you unhappy. There may be many things about the same issue which can make you happy. But it will not think those. So, whenever you mind makes you think about those unhappy sources, control it and make it to conciously think about those which can give you happiness. Do self talk inside you in a positive angle. You will always be happy.
Do not help others. Help them to help themselves
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Every human being is capable. So, do not help them. Make them realise their potential. They will rise up and help their own selves. If you help them then they will never realise their potential and will always be parasites on others. When they realise their potential they are potent resources for the society and they willl enlighten others to realise their potential. This way it is a chain process which will spread and enlighten the whole world.
Live with nature
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Please realise that you are product of the nature as far as nature is concerned, a biochemical body, just like anyother living being, and supposed to live with nature if you want to be physically and mentally happy. If you look at natural colours like sky blue and grass green then you will find they are soothing to your eyes and mind. Man made colours do not give this. Similarly observing insects or birds or animals or other living or non living beings in nature spread happiness in to our body and soul. Whereas concrete man made jungles and all those created by man give satisfaction only to our body and that too only for some time. Whereas nature gives ever lasting happiness to body and soul. So live with nature. Never live against nature. Eat things naturally without altering them as far as possible. Live in natural environment. Do not use airconditioners as the body has to fight against the cold. All spiritual centres and nature healing centres are located in natural settings. So, live in natural setting blended with nature. Nature will not harm you and make you live long happily and healthily. If you live against or away from nature it will kill you with physical and mental illnesses and diseases.
centres of life
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You observe different families. In one house you will find the TV switched on always. Every member of the family will watch the TV. They will do other routines like brushing, bathing, eating, reading etc inbetween the shows. This family can be defined as an entertainment centred family. Consider another family in which guests keep visiting or the family members keep visiting others or other places. They give first priority for socialisation and all other life processes take back seat. Such families can be called as socialisation centred families. There are some families where every one sit on their study tables and keep reading. They will do other life processes during relaxation times and their priority one is studies. This family can be called as an academic centered family. There are some families wherein the business that they do takes the centre stage. All the time all the members think about only the business and during their spare times they will do even their basic routines like bathing, eating, resting etc. These families could be termed as profession centered families. Like this we can list and go on. Now you analyse these families as to what they will make in life. I leave it to your judgement. Now, from today onwards you decide what should be the focus of your family and accordingly sit down with other family memebers, discuss it out and change the family life processes. Change the settings inside the house also accordingly.
savings
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In my opinion saving 80% of the savings element in hard rock safe methods and may be playing the 20% or less in stock market is ok. This may not be the best suggestion in the views of an investment counsellor. Though the economy is good it is better always to be on the safer side. Also, being engineers all of you will make money much more than what is needed actually. So, spending more time on these issues i feel is not required. It will only give you some heart attacks as market fluctuations will keep giving shocks and happiness like a sine wave continuously which is not good for your mental and physical health. Also, this time could be constructively utilised in growing the branches of your banyan tree i explained earlier.
marriage
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In my opinion marriage after one year of work is ideal for women. i.e at mid 22 or if you do a post graduation then at mid 23. Produce the first child by early 25 and the second one by 28 or 29 and seal it. If you do this there are few advantages. You are producing offsprings when your body is healthy, complications of delivery are less, you will have atleast two decades of focussed growth in profession, when you are fifty your children are independent and your responsibilities finish, so that you can go for a honey moon to Los Angeles with your husband!
one or two children only
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All living beings if you observe have basically got two functions. Eating and Reproduction. Only human beings perform other functions as explained by me earlier due to the desires created by brain. As a psychologist my advice is to produce two children. This helps in better mental development of the child. Single children face many problems during development and face many adaptability problems in later life.
save atleast 30 to 40 %
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In my opinion saving atleast 30 to 40% and investing in gold and land or house or flat is the best for protecting the future old age requirements. As such both husband and wife will be working. So, remaining 60+60 % is more than sufficient for a luxury living. When you get big amounts in lakhs invest in land or house or flat. When you get small amounts invest in gold.
I hope my talk was useful.
How many of you find it useful?
How many of you will follow these?
I would be glad to answer the questions now.
jai hind.
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