hai friends...how are we?...i get lots of mails from all around on various issues...and comments on mails too...
some comments on previous mails are below...yellow colour shows the person...my comments are in green colour...
some comments on previous mails are below...yellow colour shows the person...my comments are in green colour...
manickavasagam,
a phd (engg) scholar from Italy says...on my mail 'urgent
attention...married, unmarried or parents with 'ready for marriage'
children...
Marriage occurs between two degrees/jobs/assets (One can fill anything but hearts/minds)...what
to do brother?....this is our indian culture...if you like the culture
then stick on...if you don't...hihihi...change your culture...change
your society! ('you' does not mean you...it means 'we')...most of us are
unable to change our society...specially the significant people at home
and around...so we are isolated or discriminated...a behaviour becomes a
habit once it becomes a part of our life activity performed by us
without much of conscious effort...once the benefits are seen by others
it becomes a culture and spreads to the society...so it is difficult to
change the existing culture and it is a slow process...once the people
around understand the changes happening around, truth in what we say,
reality in our way of understanding the life, when they see us happy,
healthy and achieved then they will also change and will spread to
others also...and we become the change agents of the society...our
significant people have lived in wells and consider that as the
world...if every one is compulsorily made to serve in armed forces
(multicultural environments in siachen like 'difficult to
survive without coexistence' places), go around the country and abroad
for some time then they will realise that world is much bigger and their
perceptions, beliefs, knowledge, skills are microscopically smaller!!!
How many girls can really cook a typical lunch (rice with sambar, rasam and a poriyal )? I would not say that pursuing a bachelor degree/masters degree in India is too hard..... I can cook that typical lunch, so I can speak about it.....why girl or boy...why division of labour...every human being should be able to cook what his body and tongue wants!...we have to redefine our culture...our moms should change...we should change...
It requires patient, understanding (at least trying to do so) and love to work out between the differences.....yes...wait for my next mail...
Finally, more than 85% of families are dysfunctional (source: the secret movie). So problems are normal.....there is a reason for this...'fundamental flaw' in our marriage system...we will discuss in the next mail...
How many girls can really cook a typical lunch (rice with sambar, rasam and a poriyal )? I would not say that pursuing a bachelor degree/masters degree in India is too hard..... I can cook that typical lunch, so I can speak about it.....why girl or boy...why division of labour...every human being should be able to cook what his body and tongue wants!...we have to redefine our culture...our moms should change...we should change...
It requires patient, understanding (at least trying to do so) and love to work out between the differences.....yes...wait for my next mail...
Finally, more than 85% of families are dysfunctional (source: the secret movie). So problems are normal.....there is a reason for this...'fundamental flaw' in our marriage system...we will discuss in the next mail...
so keep the menu and hot hot food ready boss...we will come to italy and taste your cooking
!!!!
!!!!
a friend of
mine...entrepreneur...says...
It is the first time am responding to your mails....i know you are reading also for the first time, as you talk more (with me...all crap!!!) than you read (me!) my mails... Whatever you have written and
mentioned is partly only correct...taken boss taken...
) than you read (me!) my mails... Whatever you have written and
mentioned is partly only correct...taken boss taken...
A
relationship between a male and female starts with natural attraction
between opposite sex. Next, the chemistry increases when likes and
dislikes are even. They start liking and longing for each other. Now
they spend more time with each other. Decide to get married. For
arranged marriage they get to know after marriage only. After marriage
they have a great memorable 3 to 6 months to explore each other and know
each other more....so
the relationship starts with a weak base...that is the problem...you
read all my mails and the next mail too...pinney pesalaam...ok vaa...
Only now they understand that their habits are
different. Hobbies are different...after their biological needs are met...what a tragedy!.... They realise that their spouse has
a habit that they cant tolerate. He has his first coffee without even
brushing his teeth. She wont keep the house properly. Clothes , bed
spread are not in place and in fact the washed clothes and used clothes
are every where. She does not know the difference. Now the settlement
period is on. Compromises becomes daily routine....we
try to change the other to be like us...that is the problem...you be
what you are and let her be what she is...each of you accept the other
the way she or he is...we need to train the brain for this...fighting or
finding faults or correcting is not the solution...the secret to change
a person is love...love...and only love...not the traditional
perception of love...the feeling we get from the others' behaviour that
'i am there with you', 'you are in safe hands' 'not to worry' 'nothing
will happen, i am there!' etc...this is only to make the person to be in
'comfort zone'...then comes the zone of happiness...ie making the other
person happy...then comes to make the person feel 'on top of the
world'...then comes the dimension of making the other person to feel
'above the world'...all this can not happen without love...as a guy from
armed foreces, i
tell you the most potent weapon on earth is not nuclear weapon...'love'
is the strongest weapon which can make or break the world or
relationships...it can even change the most dreaded human being on
earth...change even the deadly nations...go gandhian way...instead of
fighting, 'be with the
spouse'...we will see about this in the later mails...in short follow that movie...munna bhai mbbs type...of
course, in a relationship we can not have exploiting tendencies...both
in any relationship need to understand the meaning of 'friendship'
properly...if the other person enjoys and exploits you then he is not
worth your pure love...he is an animal...parasite...not worth the
designation 'human being'...not an evolved organism...nature will
isolate them in the natural process and they will meet their
destiny...some people do change with your love...some in short
time...some take more time...some with serious 'selfish' illness may not
change too with your 'love' therapy as they need medicines too to
change the neurotransmitter secretions and a bit of counseling with a
right
intervention to remove the wrong perceptions from social systems and
culture...
'expecting' 'demanding' 'control' etc in / from a relationship has a 'selfish' tone which is a negative personality trait in any relationship...'giving' is a positive personality trait which is enduring in a relationship...
'expecting' 'demanding' 'control' etc in / from a relationship has a 'selfish' tone which is a negative personality trait in any relationship...'giving' is a positive personality trait which is enduring in a relationship...
PROFESSIONAL WORK PRESSURE ADDS UP TO THE MISERY!!!!!....we
need to train ourselves to be in 'the
present'...calm...cool...balanced...it should become part of our
culture...we need to teach our children as to how to be in present...not
brood over the past and fear about the unknown future while we are
doing some thing at the present...whereas our culture is to be in
anxiety always, run behind only wealth...have misconceptions like
'wealth is happiness' 'wealth brings basics of life, social status
etc'...this is what we teach our children and make them run...instead of
making them to enjoy what they do.....
THIS IS THE TIME THEY NEED TO SIT AND TALK....if both are like 'ice' then good...if they are like 'hot stoves' then baddddd...the
biggest problem we have is we fight, fight and fight...become the worst
enemies and then separate...this spoils the environs for the kids
too...their development gets affected...instead our people should learn
how to separate as friends and not enemies...this will ensure that the
relationship is still there and benefits the children in their
development process...so they may not exist as 'husband' and 'wife'
living together, but exist as friends without living together...you
never know nature might make them to join back again to live
together...or remain as good friends for common things they share and
cherish...
TALK THE TALK....yes...only talk...no fights...no arguments...no 'i am right you are wrong'...both with smiling face...both like gandhijis...
THEY
NEED TO KNOW WHAT EACH ONE WANTS IN LIFE. HAVE A COMMON GOAL. WHEN THEY
HAVE A COMMON GOAL THEY WORK TOWARDS IT. THEY KNOW WHAT TO EXPECT OF
EACH OTHER. THEY KNOW EACH OTHERS ROLE...ada
madaiyaa...expectation is the basis of all problems...instead of
'asking' start 'giving'...you will find the relationship great and your
spouse the most beautiful...we don't know about life, love,
relationships etc and start living!...sadraaa....
If there is no expectation there is no relationship....no...no...nooooooooooooooo...your
funda...infact the funda of all us is a big golllllllll...that is why
we are never happy with ANYONE....INCLUDING OURSELVES, AS WE EXPECT MUCH
MORE FROM OURSELVES TOO THAN WHAT WE CAN...
In each and every relationship there is an expectation....balls.... A relationship
between a pet dog and human is also with expectations only....happiness
is the basic need in any relationship and it comes not in 'asking' or
'demanding' or 'expecting' but it comes in 'giving'...dei loosu...in
love the happiness or joy comes in 'giving'...nallaa yosichhu paaru...if
you 'give', if she 'gives' then where is the space for the 'expectation'
between both of you boss!...we always think ulta and act ulta
daa...that is the problem...
So, we need to know what other person ( be it wife, kids, pets,
parents friends, boss, subordinates etc) expects and at least TRY to
make each other happy. IT OF COURSE HAS TO MUTUAL.
Hope there are others who read this who will agree to what i feel....
DB
a new friend...says...
a new friend...says...
Hi Uncle,
Thanks for your e-mail.
I have gone through your career profile which looks really amazing..!
I
sincerely regret for my deferred reply in this regard.
And am sure we shall be in touch in future.
Best regards,
Karthik
a senior management guy from Cognizant says...
a senior management guy from Cognizant says...
the professor, who taught me physics 30 years back at psg tech says....
Dear
Ramasubramanian
Meeting
you after a very long time was a great experience particularly to know
about what you have achieved. Only rarely we come across people like you
who continue to learn more and more in different fields. You are a
good example for the student community. I will be happy if you send
your biodata. We will invite you to give talk to students when suitable
opportunity arises.
With Best wishes
Sakthivel
a professor of psychology says...(hihihi...i have never met him!)
a professor of psychology says...(hihihi...i have never met him!)
From:
purandaran k. <kpurandaran@yahoo.com>
To: M.RAMASUBRAMANIAN R.MANICKARAJAN <mramasubramanian1@yahoo.co.in>
Sent: Thursday, 19 July 2012 5:29 PM
Subject: Re: urgent attention...married, unmarried and parents with 'ready for marriage' children!
To: M.RAMASUBRAMANIAN R.MANICKARAJAN <mramasubramanian1@yahoo.co.in>
Sent: Thursday, 19 July 2012 5:29 PM
Subject: Re: urgent attention...married, unmarried and parents with 'ready for marriage' children!
Dear Cmdr. Ram
There
is no need of matching personality, cast, belief, food habit, values,
needs, goals etc etc. The single most important factor of success is
commitment to marriage and the value for commitment...i
think commitment in a relationship is important, commitment to be
loyal, not to betray, not to exploit is essential...i think commitment
just for the sake of saving the culture, traditions, social system etc
and just 'living inside the same house'...committed to be husband and
wife...commitment to live in front of others as husband and wife... for
the sake of the society...for the sake of the children (as children
today have more exposure, more matured, even about emotional
relationships as they are exposed to such issues at young ages) needs to
be reconsidered...... No
other factors need to be matched. Thanks for sending a well written,
mail on a pressing
/urgent issue.
With regards
K. Purandaran
Dear Ram
Keep
on sending your mails. Honestly speaking I enjoy reading your, well
written, mails. I may contradict from your views, its due to my habit of
being academic critic, but I enjoy and get insight from your mails....thank
you so much sir....contradictions are good, as we learn more and get an
oppurtunity to see the other side of the issue too...i like that...
With regards
an ex IIT, chennai faculty says...
Very Good. Every man and the present day students shall think over it deeply.
-Krish
that is it for the time being...keep rocking guys and gals...
rams
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