what should be the age difference between a bride and a bridegroom?

hai guys!...how are you? hope you enjoyed the mails! i have posted all the mails at my blog...just type 'funnyrams' in google...you will find a link 'funnyrams.blogspot.com'...just click that...you are there to view about 100 plus mails...if you like, press 'follow' and you can also comment about them... there are several issues which keep circling in my mind...there is no dearth of subjects...as long as living beings are around me, there will be issues to type here for me!! today one of the friends was rattling some subject titles of mails which was liked and also requested to resend some song i posted...the problem is once i type the matter and send it, the issue goes off from my mind...so i could not recollect what i typed...i.e word by word...as words just come and i type...so i could not correlate  what the person was mentioning!!!...of course, i will remember the crux of the issue as it is from my blood! sorry friend...anyway...thanks for reading and remembering...we will discuss it again!...thanks for all those who read these mails as they take long time and your focus! ok...now the issue of the mail...what should be the age difference between the bride and bridegroom? Let us start with a question...why are we getting married?...is it a ritual in life that 'every one born here should get married and so, i am also getting married!'...or 'my parents want to complete their responsibility. So, i am getting married!'...if these are your answers then you know what you are doing!!...if the answer is 'i found 'my' guy (or girl)...my soulmate...(definition of soulmate in my opinion is 'the person with whom you can share any knowledge, opinion, job, responsibility, emotions, etc under the sky with ease and without any inhibition'). I want to live with him (her)'...if this is the answer, then you can get married! Should every one born on earth get married?...my answer is a 'biggg no!'...we have discussed this in one of the mails...!...in short 'some people if get married will only spoil their life and the life of their spouse and children'...those who are rigid in behaviors or primitive in thinking or workaholics or 'scientists' etc should not get married...or should undergo some behaviour modification therapy before they decide to get married! Unfortunately many do not know this and screw up the lives of many!!! ok...coming back to the issue...we get married for what?...'for happiness!'...so, all those who are not happy after marriage need to take a paper and pen and 'dig themselves' to find out the reasons and how to burry the bugs in married life! If we know that we are not going to be happy then why to get married?...why to complicate the life?...why to produce children out of this unhappily wedded life and spoil their life also? ok...we are getting married for 'happiness'...we get happy if our 'needs' are met...so, our needs should be met through the person with whom we get married and the social system called 'family' we form with roles and statuses of each member in that family...family consists of wife, husband and children. It might include parents also...so, 'needs' of every one comes into and complicates the dynamics. We can also use the word 'expectations'. That is why when the couple have problems they both should sit down and write in a paper 'the expectations of each from the other' and discuss to see how one can meet the expectations of the other... But, as me and Maslow like the word 'need' we stick on to it! When i bring in Maslow here, i need to tell about him!...All those management, commerce and engg students who have done a subject on management will know him. But if you turn the pages of any text book of management or psychology or commerce you will just find may be one or two pages of info about his theory...the 'Maslow's theory of hierarchy of needs'!...management and commerce guys will read it with 'motivation of employees' perspective...ie how to satisfy the needs of employees to motivate...psychology students read about it in 'behavioural perspective'... in my opinion, we can write pages and pages about his theory, if we analyse the behaviours of people with this theory as the tool. I got answers for many of the problems in life and behaviours of people when i analysed taking this theory as the tool! ok...let us see in short what is this theory so that you are with me on the same page. Maslow says 'every human being has basically five levels of needs in life at different ages and stages in life. All their behaviours in life are towards achieving these needs!'...let me stop here as otherwise it would become a (an interesting!) theory class! so, all of us have some needs at different age and stage in life. We get married to satisfy some of the needs. We feel that we can not get those needs being alone or without marriage. So, we get married. I.e join with another person and start living together. It could be a person from same gender or different gender!!...mostly it is the opposite gender as procreation is possible only in this type of arrangement. Or you can procreate with another person with whom you are not living together but live with some other person of any gender (note...i am using the word 'person' which is common for both genders!)...we can have any type of combination...but the indian social and legal systems recognise only marriage between opposite genders! so, marriage is to satisfy the needs and Maslow talks about our needs at different ages!...so, i am linking these two to find the correct answer for the question...what should be the age difference between the bride and bride groom?...did you ever think Maslow's theory can be used like this!!!!...yes...maslow's theory answers many questions and solves many problems in life like this, as most of the questions or problems related to human beings revolve around their 'needs'! the answer for the question is 'the bride and bridegroom should be of same age preferably!' why?...because it is likely that their needs may be same...if their needs are same...e.g physical needs, emotional needs, intellectual needs etc...then one can satisfy the need by taking from the other...as both are interested in the same need, they will enjoy the 'give and take', explore various methods of satisfying the other... if the ages are different, then their needs might be different...e.g the younger one may be interested in physical need and the other one may be interested in intellectual need...the need mismatch can frustrate them as their needs are not met through the other person...this can lead to slow, silent and invisible separation between both...and finally separation from marriage or 'living together for society sake or for the sake of others at home' condition... of course, one can put in more efforts to satisfy the other through 'adaptations' even if there is a need mismatch...but the efforts have to be put in by both...there are many 'if's and 'but's...like 'how long?'...when will their needs match?...will they ever match due to age difference etc comes into front! in some rare cases the needs might match inspite of age difference. Generally if the age difference is within about 4 years, then the need differences are not that much. But if more then the differences in need can be distinctly observed or sensed! most of the problems between any two individuals...may be husband and wife...or siblings...or friends...or any relationship on earth...is due to this need difference!... it could be basic physical needs like food, water, shelter, clothing and sex. Or physical needs of security...security of life, job etc of self and significant people around us. Or mental needs like love and affection, social needs (respect from others, feeling of acceptance from others in social systems around us where we are members by self interest or by default), self esteem needs or self actualisation. generally the physical needs of food, water, shelter and clothing start from childhood and continue throughout life...when we attain age i.e nature matures the glands, the reproductive need also silently and invisibly arises and takes priority...this is at its peak till about 25...after that these basic physical needs do not vanish...but the next level arises and takes priority...the physical security needs...generally between 25 and 30 there is an overlap of physical needs and security needs...but after 30 it is distinctly and prominently visible...these ages i mention are in general...from individual to individual it differs mildy...if there is any problem in satisfaction of physical needs then the security need arising gets delayed...between 30 to 35 the security (e.g trying to get a safe and secured job, building a house, secured social relationships at office and home) needs take the priority...from 35 to 40 it is need for love and affection,social status, acceptance by people and society...you will notice that the guy or girl at home start becoming members of Lions club or Rotary club or caste or religion or region based groups...if any of the lower needs are not met then this gets delayed...after 40 it is self esteem needs...so, they will work towards this...this is the crucial period in life when the deterioration in health standards is visible, children are at crucial stage of study, more financial needs, loans of house building and education pinch the pocket, lady at home goes into menopause and shows all types of unbearable behaviours, children start their social relationships outside the home etc etc...so the individual gets stressed physically and mentally...some are able to migrate to the self esteem needs...those who are not able to achieve the higher need will fall back to the next immediate lower level need but vigorously...i.e the need will engulf them like a fire...so, if self esteem need is not achievable, then the individual looks for love and affection...vigorously...at home when it is not available (menopause behaviours!!!...) the guy or girl search for this outside (men also undergo menopause and related behaviours...getting angry, frustrated, unhappy, shouting, finding fault with everyone and at everything)...wofff...let me not deviate...there is already a mail in the blog about this stage in life...so after 45 or 50 it is about self actualisation need... so,now we know the needs at different ages and stages in life...this need has to match for both the spouses...just imagine how it would be if the needs are different...all the behaviours of one will be towards achieving his or her need...if the need mismatch is there then the other person will look at this person as a funny person...irresponsible person...you get fed up with the behaviours of the other person...if the age difference is more then such mismatches occur...e.g when a girl of 22 years marries a guy of 35 years, the girl will be high of physical needs but the guy will be high of physical needs only for some time as there is something new in life but will quickly change over to the need of his age...so, there will be a difference in the needs of both...when this is noticed both have to sit and discuss, adapt, cooperate and move forward...or else the life will not be happy and it will get worse as one may not get his or her need fulfilled...so the individual will fall back to the next immediate lower level need vigorously...will exhibit 'mad dog' behaviour... if the needs or expectations are less from the other person, then more happiness...more the needs or expectations then more the unhappiness...! so, some meet their unmatching needs from others in society...or control (and land up with body or mind or both related diseases or disorders!) or regulate or divert or ensure with their eating and exercise regimes or other methods that there is no need only...it is removed from the butt!...and they meet only matching needs from their spouse! in some cases the needs might match, but the levels and types in a particular need may not match...this also leads to frustration!...this can be solved through details discussions, understanding each others' need, finding out the methods of meeting the needs, education, counseling, behaviour modification therapies etc... even if both of them are of same age and the needs are same at the beginning of married life, they both might changeover to the next level of need at different times…e.g one might still be high physical need but the other might migrate to the next high level i.e security needs…so, when one is showing behaviours of physical needs the other person might not be interested in that and talk about building a house or changing the job or taking some insurance policies etc… out of all these needs the physical need is basic and if this is not met then the individual goes to any level  of doing anything...as physical needs are natural needs, natural instincts, basic needs to be alive and keep the body and mind ticking (eating, reproducing and protecting from weather and enemies are the basic instinct behaviours of all living organisms), if these needs are not met then the body and mind slowly lose the thinking of reality, logical thinking and reasoning, later consequences, social and legal issues that can come up later etc for e.g when a man is damn hungry or thirsty (might die) and finds food in front in a shop  his brain stops thinking…it does not mind about his status, education etc…he will go and beg and ask for food or borrow money or request or worst come worst steal!...this is same in case of protecting the body from weather and enemies…we do not hesitate to do anything to get the need satisfaction as otherwise we will die. Reproductive need is also such a need that the individual forgets about reality and lands up doing anything to get that need met. Once it is met, the individual is able to think and comes back to reality, logical thinking and reasoning, all social and legal issues come in front…then he or she realizes what he has done, feels ashamed and either commits suicide or does something which is more dangerous! That is why marriages break when the physical needs are not met or all types of social crimes or socially not acceptable behaviours arise… Woffff…the mail has become looooong! so the crux is... 1. get married to a person of nearly same age or keep the age difference to the minimum 2. if the age difference is more then both of you sit together, list the needs, types and levels...put in efforts to learn and satisfy the needs of the other...or use the methods above like regulate, divert, etc...never suppress (control) as it leads to several mental and physical problems! the best ideal situation is 'loving a person unconditionally, without any needs or expectations from the other!'...pages and pages could be typed on this one line!...but it would be out of context here...so, we will munch these in the mails to come and years to come!... one guy says 'i did not marry the girl whom i loved because i want to love her always. We have lots of differences in likes and dislikes, needs, beliefs etc. But we love each other very much!...if we marry then we will only keep fighting! so, we decided not to live together but to love always!'...there are many interesting cases like this!...very very different from the normal type of lives we live and decisions we take in life with respect to love and living together or getting married (haa..haa...may not be living together!!!) and there is another village girl of tamil nadu who gives an excellent definition of love which answers to the most important and biggest problem in life around the world! what is that definition?...what is that problem?...what is that million dollar solution?...stay tuned to 'rams's ravusu radio!' bye guns and roses...keep rocking! any doubts on the above subject will be answered against specific question individually or at the blog or in the next mail...bye rams...ravusu rams!