'caste' had heart attack...so taken to ICU for an open heart surgery...read with open heart!

hai friends...how are we?

i received some mails on my previous mail...positive mails...more from men indicating that the mind set is changing...good...

the bottom line is clear...if a boy marries with the traditional agrarian mentality then he is fit enough to live in an agrarian society only which is not existing now or may be existing in remote villages or economically poor groups or communities...he will be a misfit in an industrial society...many boys are confused...they want their wives to be agrarian in some aspects and industrial in some...when the girls tell the same the boy gets ignited and explodes...willingness and maturity to discuss and accept the views of others is the solution for harmony...quitting the relationship to find another person is a waste because that another person will have some matching behaviours and many mismatching behaviours...then what will you do?...go to another person?...so how many people you will hop?...this might lead to psychiatric problems too...watch out!...so it is better to go right the first time itself!!!

we need to remember that physical hurt heals but mental hurts through words and body gestures will remain forever...and bridging the relationship again becomes impossible or extremely difficult...unless both realize the mistakes or change...

by the way...it is not a gender specific mail and therefore applicable to both boys and girls...

actually most of the boys want only 'servants' not wives...they get confused on this...in agrarian living the girls were only 'servants' as they were accepted at that level only inside the combined family and when they behaved like 'wives' they were thumbed down...rarest of them might have had the rarest opportunity to be wives too...but we have to look at only the majority here...

so boys, employ servants and marry wives...!...don't marry wives and expect them to be servants too...it is not possible to work in the present organizations (in the past only attendance could retain the job and get salary and few fringe benefits too...but today unless you produce you are thrown out) and at the same time be a servant too!...so blaming she is not displaying wife like behaviours shows problem with you and not with the girl. Telling her to underplay in her profession or passion is not a social justice...will you accept if it happens to your sister or daughter?

(sorry...my dictionary does not contain words like man, woman, lady etc...it has only two words...boy...girl...i will explain this in another mail)

so outsourcing is the only solution not only in organizations but at homes too!..i meant the mundane activities only like cleaning, washing, cooking, house keeping...if they are done as value addition to love and romance then it is welcome...but done as responsibility is not welcome.

ok friends...this is a never ending topic...let is go to the subject of this mail...today we will take the 'caste' to the operation theatre and do an open heart surgery for that...ok!...chalo...let us kick start...

Recently I met a relative of mine…the conversation between both of us is below…

‘Hello mani, how are you?’

‘I am fine sir! Hope all well?’

‘Yes. I am planning to get my daughter married off!’

(note the words...'married off!!!!'...doesn't it give the tone of finishing his perceived responsibility!!!)

‘Good. What are you doing?’

‘I am looking for some alliance’

‘how?’

‘I have given the horoscope to some brokers. I have told them to look for a match in our caste’

‘what is your caste?’

He got shocked and taken aback to hear this unexpected question.

‘what mani you are asking like this. Our caste is so and so’

‘what is the meaning of it?...what do you understand from that?’

He was again confused with this unheard off question…looked left and right and blabbered…’caste means caste. We are born in a community which is belonging to this caste. So, we get that caste name. That is all?’

(i have asked these questions to a few and all have given almost similar answers)

‘good sir. What do you get by seeing a match in our caste?’

He got angry, emotional and sensitized with this question and said ‘How can we look for a match out of our caste? What our relatives will say? We will get isolated from our caste. It is not correct. I thought you are educated. How can you ask such a question?’

I maintained calm and asked him ‘if I show the horoscope of boy from chennai of our caste, will you agree for the match?’

‘yes. I will go ahead with the match making’

‘sir, caste indicated a ‘way of living’…the eating habits, dressing habits, beliefs like what god we worship etc, rituals and ceremonies we practice etc. am I right?’

‘yes’

‘then tell me what is the way of living or what is the culture we are supposed to follow?’

He was silent and thinking and said ‘we worship lord shiva’

‘what type of food habits, dressing habits, rituals and ceremonies, beliefs???’

He could not answer the question and said ‘normal food…normal dresses…normal ceremonies, rituals and beliefs…’

‘ok. We are supposed to eat only veg and not even supposed to think about non veg forget about uttering the word or eating. Am I right?’

‘yes. You are right!’

‘do you follow that?...don’t you eat non veg?’

He smiled and said with shyness ‘occasionally’

‘are we supposed to ‘drink’?’

‘no’

‘do you drink?’

He looked around and said with shyness ‘little’

‘did lord shiva tell us to smoke?’

He smiled and said ‘no’

‘but you smoke…is it not?’

He was getting restless and said ‘yes’

‘sir. You don’t know what our caste means. You don’t know the way of living we are supposed to follow. You do everything that our caste does not advocate. Now tell me do you belong to this caste?’

He felt cornered and said ‘why me?... many in our caste follow these…’

‘that means our caste is not what you said but something else to be named newly. Am I right?’

‘how can we rename our caste. It is named by our ancestors’

‘if that is so are you following the way of living they told you  to follow. You don’t know what they said and how can you follow. This is the state of the castes now…do you understand?...caste is now only on paper…it is redundant in reality in the industrial society environment...every one has modified to suit his own needs, happiness and comfort zones’

He was thinking.

‘tell me, if you get a boy from anywhere, what is the guarantee that he will know what our caste means and follow the way of living our caste advocates?’

He was answer less.

I started off.... ‘in olden days people who did similar jobs and lived together or nearby were discriminated / identified with a caste name. The caste indicated the job they did and the ‘way of life’ they followed. So, for better compatibility and adaptability sake they looked for a boy or girl belonging to same caste. Now everyone is scattered all over the country and world. Every one follows his own way of life in the nuclear family system. Rarely any one follows the way of living of the caste, may be with little traces of the old way of living. This is due to the climate, nature of job, the things available in the place of living, the culture there, the people there, law of the land etc. Climate is the king who decides the food, clothing and type of house...all these and job decide the remaining. So, caste is only on paper now and not in the way of living. If you look for a boy based on the ‘paper caste’ what is the guarantee that he will have the same way of living that you have?’

He started thinking and answered ‘you are right but that is the way it is done otherwise our caste people will out caste us’

‘sir. You are more worried about your caste and people in the caste but not worried about the life of your daughter. will you be happy  if she is unhappy after all the spending you do for marriage?'

'No!'

'Will you be happy if she pretends to be happy?'

'certainly not!'

'Do you live for your daughter?'

'then what?'

'sir...You go by the horoscope way and select a boy from your caste only. No problem. But allow them to talk, interact in public place or through internet for some time before deciding whether he is suitable. Don’t decide first and ask them to interact as the girl will be pushed to agree to avoid embarrassments. If they find they are compatible then go ahead otherwise say no as your daughter may not live a happy life or come back to your house or will file divorce'

he was seriously thinking and in between some one came...the discussion got interrupted and he had to go with that person.

so, the crux is...let us think before adopting any ritual or procedure or system of the past for its applicability and modify if required with out hesitation...not only in the marriage issue but with respect to anything in life...

bye...be happy and smiling like this smiley...as nothing can happen to you...no one can do anything...if you decide to be happy, healthy and to achieve!