rams
--- On Mon, 21/5/12, M.RAMASUBRAMANIAN R.MANICKARAJAN <mramasubramanian1@yahoo.co.in> wrote:
From: M.RAMASUBRAMANIAN R.MANICKARAJAN <mramasubramanian1@yahoo.co.in>
Subject: we, people and books - part II - a different perspective!
To: "indian psychologists" <indianpsychologists@yahoogroups.co.in>
Date: Monday, 21 May, 2012, 10:42 AM
(a request to moderator...
dear sir, i have sent a mail on the subject 'we, people and books' to the group...i request you to post that mail first to the group and after few days from that you post this mail to the group...let us see how people react to that mail...from that we will come to know whether our friends in this group are really impartial psychologists free from prejudice etc or not...it will also help them to self introspect and change after they read this mail...and become 'real psychologists'!)
dear friends...
hope you all have read my mail on the subject 'we, people and books'...if you have got hurt or upset or angry then you must read this mail...
as a small boy i got upset or angry or did not like the two behaviours there...i.e 1. he dropping the fruit (what ever may be the reason!) 2. he addressing my father like that (without respect as perceived by me)...later when i 'learnt' psychology i thought over this issue...
i think he is not wrong...i am only wrong...in my perceptions!
fruit is a matter or object like any other item on earth. We throw many things...drop them...i can consider this also to be same...why did i consider that it is food, food should not be dropped, it is god etc...it is my mistake...so, why only fruit, anything can be dropped or thrown...so, it is my perception which is wrong!...i can not think that it is untouchability, he things he is superior etc...all these wrong learnings have come to me during my process of development...wrong learning from social systems...any learning knowingly or unknowingly that gives me unhappiness, affects my health, affects me achieving self actualization is a wrong learning!
similarly why should i take his way of addressing as without respect...other day i met my childhood friend at his home after 26 years and he introduced me to his children and wife. Next day i was standing in front of my house, and i saw a 10 year old boy saying 'hai!' looking at me. I thought he is telling this to some other person, and so, turned back to see if any one there. But no one!...i asked him 'me?'...he said 'yes!'...i felt bad that a boy of 10 years old is addressing me like that without respect!...but later i realised that he is addressing me as a friend...today all the youngsters consider every one as friend...other relationships in the social systems are slowly vanishing at least in socialisation but not on paper and books written by aged people like me...as we are still in the old social system mentally...also 'friendship' is the one which has more approachability, freedom to talk, share, socialise etc...so, why should i restrict myself, build a iron wall, non approachability etc...when i thought in these angles, i felt he is right and i am wrong!...he would not have meant 'not respecting' me while he used that word...it is my wrong perception that he is not respecting me!
so, that person at the mutt was not wrong...in fact, most of the people whom we come across at home, office, society etc are not wrong...we are wrong in our perceptions!
when a child is born it has only bio-drives of hunger, defecation, sleep. The only emotion it has is to cry which is to attract the attention of people around to give food or to avert danger around. Nature has produced the child with that software...only three duties and one emotion!...as the child grows in the social system of family it looks at people, their behaviours and learns many things which will ever make it unhappy and unhealthy throughout its life, without its knowledge. We have become like that. This is the MAIN reason for all our problems in life!...that is why i started my mails to this group saying 'wrong learning from social systems if the main cause of all our sadness, bad-health and not being able to achieve in life!'
for e.g anger...it is a 'learnt' emotion...the child looks at its mom getting angry at him...learns this from father and other people too...so, whenever it's needs are not fulfilled, expectations not met it starts getting angry and shows that by shouting, crying, throwing things, breaking items etc...learnt from us!...as we grow we start showing this negative emotion for all the 'wrong' or 'bad' things done by people as by this time our mental concept of 'wrong' or 'bad' gets firmed up...which is again wrong as there is nothing wrong or right or bad or good...it all depends upon the 'individual'...our client...our patient...any commoner...as to what is right or wrong or bad or good!
so, in a nut shell, whether we psychologists (as we were not psychologists at the time or birth and later while we were growing from infant to child to adult) or the common people, we all pick up many wrong this from social systems, wrong learning, leading to wrong perceptions, which can never keep us happy, healthy and achieved!
we need to shred the mapping from social systems, shred all the wrong learning to become like a baby and be happy, healthy all the time in life, while we fulfill our responsibilities in the social systems that we belong to and self actualise!
so, we need not 'learn'!...it is enough if we 'unlearn' the big baggage of all the 'wrong learning' that we have been doing in our life from the moment of birth till now...till death!...from cradle to grave...from womb to tomb!...we are actually carrying a big burden on our back with this wrong learning...let us unload that...burn that...! we will feel relieved...we will feel light...we will feel clean...burden-less...we will start sensing happiness around us...from all people...all items...all situations...all places...whether a psychologist or a doctor or a commoner!...in the early morning come out of your house and look at the nature...trees...birds...squirrels...insects...they are all happy...because they have not learnt anything that gives them unhappiness from their social living...we are not happy...because we have learnt lots of wrong things from our social living or social systems that can keep us unhappy throughout our life and screw up our living!...are we evolved species?
Life is afterall to be happy, healthy and self actualise!...health means 'a state of physical, mental and social well being'!...most of the time our happiness gets affected due to the social issues...i.e issues related to people...which affects our physical health and mental health!...leading to unhappiness, social conflicts and less performance on job and other failures which follow!
even psychologists fall in this prey as they are not different in life development till they 'learnt' psychology at the age of 18 and therefore carry lots of baggage to be shred!
if a common man has these, he will be unhappy, unhealth and not achieved. So he comes to a psychologist. But if a psychologist has all these 'wrong learnings from social systems' then it leads to prejudice and other things which can make the specialist biased...so, the analysis, results and interventions applied by the psychologist on the client or patient can be wrong!...how can the psychologist assume that this is 'right' or this is 'wrong'...or this is 'good' or this is 'bad...how can he have a frame of reference for his treatment?...he should be empty...null...his needle should be at the center and not drifted to any side...he should only find out what is right or wrong for that individual...find out the wrong learning that he has done from social systems during his growing which is causing all the problems to him...and apply the intervention. Is it not?
So, a psychologist...MUST...MUST...MUST...identify, list down, change, shred and come out of the 'social mapping' that has happened in his overall personality and become a real saint, mahaan
by doing all these, and thereafter look at the patients to change their
behaviours...otherwise he will be biased...and analyse the issues like
any other common man will analyse the 'behaviour problems' and apply
intervention like a common man only and not like a psychologist, a
professional etc...if a psychologist analyses like a common man with all
the clothes of social mapping on him then why do we need a
psychologist?so, my previous mail was to just make all psychologists and common people to analyse themselves and apply the change or intervention to themselves first before applying on others!...not to poke, or instigate or hurt or initiate anger or spoil the sacredness of your beliefs etc...it was just an example!
So, hope you have thrown the guns, knives, swords you had in your hands and mind against me after reading that mail!
rams
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