hai friends...how are we?...read the conversation below...between the wife and husband...

'i did not like the way you spoke to that lady like a school boy?'...wife...

'what lady!...she was my class mate!!!...and we met after 30 years!!!!'...husaband...

'yes...only 'was' and not 'is'...yes...only before 30 years and not yesterday...she is 55 years old now and boss of a company!'

'bullshit!...if she is a boss should have gone to her company and not come to my house!...she came here as my friend and not as a boss!!'

'she is married and even her kids are married!'

'so what!...she is always my classmate even if she is 90!...i will address her as 'yei' and 'vaadi' 'podi'...i can not address her as 'vaanga' 'ponga' etc...we did lab classes and projects together...we used to move around the streets to buy components and ate together...we spoke more than we spoke to our parents those days!...come on yar!...she is my friend!'

'only 'was' and not 'is'!'

'no yar! in friendship there is no 'is' and 'was'...a friend is always a friend!'

'No! you spoke to her as if she is your wife...with so much of freedom and body language!'

'Balls!...i have never addressed you as 'yei' or 'vaadi' 'podee' etc...friend is a friend...wife is a wife...friend can not be treated like a wife unless she becomes  wife or wife can not be treated like a friend!'

'so i am not your friend Is it?'

'i don't know...but i can not behave the way i behave with my friends...i am your husband and i am not the husband of my friends...that much i know!'

she weeps and goes to bed.

now the analysis...

the crucks is....

1. boys are friends only before marriage...after marriage the 'role' and 'status' played by his father in his family and in general the behaviour of 'fathers' he had seen in his life surfaces from his subconscious mind and he shows the behaviours of only a husband and not a friend...i.e more of responsibilities...no one teaches how to be a husband...we get married and it comes on its own...from where?...from the stored, system captured behaviours from the environment...observed at home and in society...so they can not exhibit all kinds of relationships and behaviours with their wives but the girls expect their husbands to show all types of behaviours related to all types of relationships on earth!

2. a relationship between two people (even if it is between the established social relationships like father, mother, sister, brother, uncle etc etc or even with known or unknown people in the society) just happens...the people involved in relationship also do not know what kind of relationship they are going to make...it is not decided by them...(only in old type of arranged marriages two people meet for the first time and decide to behave like husband and wife...and force each other love too...saying but without saying 'i am your husband ...you are my wife...today onwards we will love each other and live together' etc...)...of course, after we know what kind of relationship it has come to we can steer or regulate it...but not before...

in the case study above the wife wants her husband to exhibit the behaviours of friend and husband...may be even more...she also does not like he being friendly with his old friend...she expects that he should behave himself and treat the old friend only as an acquaintance or office staff like...also there is something known as age related behaviours in society...but in friendship behaviours there is no age!...this is the truth!...whether the friendship is between males or girls or between a male and a girl!

hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm...mystery daa mystery!

rams