vanthuttaaanyaa....vanthuttaanyaaa...- where is your lover?

here is a mail which i had sent few days back to my friends regarding how our liking to a person changes without our knowledge over a period of time...with reasons and how to rectify them...

this you need to know so that you get sensitized with this issue to keep your better halves or lovers with you and keep the life happy going...

rams

--- On Fri, 3/6/11, M.RAMASUBRAMANIAN R.MANICKARAJAN <mramasubramanian1@yahoo.co.in> wrote:

From: M.RAMASUBRAMANIAN R.MANICKARAJAN <mramasubramanian1@yahoo.co.in>
Subject: vanthuttaaanyaa....vanthuttaanyaaa...- where is your lover?
Date: Friday, 3 June, 2011, 11:27 PM

hai friends...how are we?

 

yen iniya thamil makkaley!

 

i am back after a looooooooooooooong gap!

 

i don't know why, my gmail tamil fonts is not working....so i am not able to type tamil fonts...ok...just forget ittttttttttttttttttttt!

 

here is an interesting thought....

 

before i start off...

 

note...this mail is made for my psg tech and mit friends...so, konjam appidi ippidi irukkum....kandukka padaathu!

 

also it is not a gender specific mail...so, you can replace 'he' with 'she'...or 'she' with 'he'

 

when you read this mail, at different places, you might feel there are more reasons...other than what i have mentioned...but i want to emphasize one particular point...so i have not considered the other points...which we will discuss later....

 

now the matter...

 

all of us are produced by nature with an embedded software....we are driven by this software...all our behaviours from childhood to death is governed by this...you might become an engineer or doctor or any damn thing...but all our actions are driven by this from 'adi mandai!'...

 

have you ever imagined why you do what you do?...why you are not doing what you did ten years back or 5 years back?...or even yesterday?...

 

maslow tried to discover it and he came up with his findings...

 

every scientist viewed the behaviours from different perspective....

 

now let us see yet another angle....

 

we have seen people pulambufying....'fffffooo! during the initial days of our marriage he used to always be behind me...these days he does not even look at me!...he does not have time even to say hai to me...'

 

'ennai paathhaaley intha aalukku pudikka maattenguthu!'

 

'sir, my wife has become a horrible person! she can not talk softly. She always shouts and gets angry for every silly thing!...she used to talk to me nicely during initial days of marriage...but now she is just the opposite!'

 

basically, during the initial days of marriage, the 'exploration' stage, we have formed the 'image' ....the physical aspects of that person...and the behavioural aspects...or the personality aspects....of the person...and we start liking the person...

 

in the case of lovers, before marriage, they have formed the image of the other person....which is a total sum of physical and overall personality (behaviours) aspects...

 

basically we like the other person...initially for the physical aspects...the initiation is from physical aspects...then gets converted to the behavioural aspects....later we like a person more for his behavioural aspects...

 

all these happen subconciously without our knowledge...(who knows when the bell rings looking at whom?)...we start liking a person subconciously...it just happens...it just brews...we may not agree...but it is the fact!

 

for e.g we meet many people...but when our eye sees a person, that special person, the bell rings...or initially we may not like a person...when we socialise, we slowly start liking that person...we don't know when we started liking...it is a slow process....it just happens...that is all...

 

now as we age...due to aging, child birth, diseases and various other reasons, the physical aspects slowwwwwwwwwwwwwwly change...it is a very slow process...the subconcious mind observes this without our knowledge...it records...but it still likes that person...as the liking and loving have got firmed up because of the bahavioural aspects and not because of the physical aspects....as physical aspects are only initiators....and firming up has been due to the behavioural aspects...both overt and covert...(like value systems, belief systems, etc)...

 

but the biggest problem is...as time passes...as we age...the damnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn behaviours also change...due to the changing needs...at different stages in life...it is a slowwwwwwwwwwwwww process.....not noticeable abruptly...but the subconcious mind notices this...without our knowledge...and it finds a new person!...not matching with the old image formed....about that old person....who was a lover long back...who was a loving husband long back...now he is different...she is different...physically changed...behaviourally changed...so, the image is different now...it does not accept that new person...as the person loved is no longer existing....your lover is no more....the person whom you loved is dead....you feel you are living with a new person...not acceptable to you...not acceptable to your sub concious mind....so, the problems mount...fights...shouting...anger...anxiety...naragam.....naragam....naragam!...then you start living with that person just because of the habit of coexisting for the past many years.....or divert your attention on kids and live a different life...you live in a cage with an animal....with a stranger...you live without any socialisation with the other person...

 

so, to avoid this situation....

 

1. we need to maintain our physical aspects...attributes...

 

if not possible then,

 

2. atleast we need to maintain the behavioural attributes...if not possible, atleast those attributes which were liked by the spouse during the younger days...

 

so, look at you now...look at your spouse now...did you notice the changes in physical attributes and behavioural attributes....discuss with the spouse...regarding all these...the unnoticed...issues on which we are not sensitised...discuss how each person has become different now....list down the changes...try to get back to the same old you...the young you....you will find the love blooming again....you discover your lover again...you discover your honey moon husband or wife again....and the second honey moon starts!

 

bye...and have a good 'second' first night!

 

all the best...

 

keep rocking...

 

we are born to be happy....like this smiley here

 

not to exist like inanimate objects...

 

rams