hai all.. a point to ponder before LOVING or MARRYING...
all married and unmarried people...
When someone comes to you giving a marriage invitation ask him or her ‘Why are you getting married?’
If you are a parent ask yourself ‘why are you getting your son or daughter married off?
Or ask the other parents (your friends) this question.
Some will blink. Some will say it is a social obligation. Some will say ‘everyone gets married so i am also getting married!’. Some parents will say ‘it is my responsibility to get my children married off’. Some will say ‘after we die, my child should have someone in our place to give everything to her / him!’.
If someone answers truthfully it will be like this...’i am getting married to get...
(i) Lifelong Social, physical, legal, economic security and safety
(ii) Lifelong emotional, physical, sexual and intellectual support
(iii) Lifelong social acceptance, respect, authority, identity
(iv) Lifelong house, food, clothing, ornaments, big house, all items in life for comfortable living, acceptance inside the house
(v) children, happiness through grooming of children, fame and a sense of achievement through the success and happiness of children
(vi) A lifelong commitment that he or she will not leave the spouse and will not get entangled with someone else for all the above.
(vii) A commitment that he or she will not change from the above
(viii) A commitment that he or she will support him or her in all her endeavours in education, profession, house hold activities, social activities (personal, official, family), hobbies, philanthropic activities, religious activities, rituals of family, community and society
(ix) Freedom of speech, activities, thinking, emotions, activities, overt and covert behaviours
(x) To provide lifelong happiness, good physical-mental-social well being and self actualisation.
Wofff...all these are not given in any book...when i just think about this question posed to me, i am getting all these answers in my mind...the list is endless...you all may type more to make the list complete...(smile)
So, all boys and girls have a looooooooooong list of EXPECTATIONS and POSSESSIVENESS from their would be wives and husbands.
Does any parent ask the other parent or the girl or boy if all these will get fulfilled by them?
Does any boy or girl ask their counterpart if they will be able to fulfil all these ‘ I need...’s and ‘I want...’s?
Does anyone ask himself or herself if he or she will be able to give all the above to their would be spouse?
They ask everything other than this. Why?????
It is assumed in our culture that these things are by default and ‘supposed to be provided’...’supposed to be known to the other side people’...whether they know that they have to give all these is not known.
They are not bothered. We only ‘demand’ or ‘ask for rights’ from government or society or parents. We forget that ‘rights and responsibilities’ go hand-in-hand.
So, if the demands or rights are lengthy, then the responsibilities from our side is also more. How many think about this?
How many lovers who plan to get married ask this to their lovers, think about this?...how many answer truthfully to their lovers?...mostly people give only ‘socially acceptable’ answers!!!
If each and every spouse can meet these of the other, then everyone will be happy, every family will be happy!...Is it the reality?
Is it possible for everyone to meet the ‘needs and wants’ of the other?...NO!
The next question comes ‘ok, how much, how long, to what extent, how many times, each time to what extent, what all types, what percentage (etc etc!!!) you can meet my needs and wants?’
Is there anyone who says ‘i don’t have any of these expectations from my lover / wife/ husband. I can get everything by myself. I am marrying just to be in my perceived love envelope of my partner!’? (i can see you asking ‘then why to get married?)
In a love life or married life if the needs and wants are met to the level of satisfaction then LOVE exists. Otherwise there is NO LOVE. Only hate and related emotions and behaviours exists!...So, do we all really know what is love, do we love our partners?...do we love them as only parasites?...do we love them for our own selfishness?...Can this type of love lost for long?...How long?...How much fulfilling love it will be?..how much fulfilling life it will be?...Is there anyone who loves their partner just for the ‘person what he or she is’ beyond all these big lists?...Is it humanly possible to give all these by anyone to anyone throughout life?
So lovers and ‘ready-to-marry’ boys and girls...discuss this out with yourself, then your ‘would-be’s and then your parents before you get entangled for life!!!
RAMS
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