THIS IS FOR THOSE WHO ARE IN TO BOTH SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE AND NON ACCEPTABLE 'RELATIONSHIPS'...

Dear all...THIS IS FOR THOSE WHO ARE IN TO BOTH SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE AND NON ACCEPTABLE 'RELATIONSHIPS'.....

We call every phase of development and growth as IT REVOLUTION, GREEN REVOLUTION, WHITE REVOLUTION ETC...The present phase of social development or growth can be called as RELATIONSHIPS REVOLUTION!!

TECHNOLOGY DEVELOPMENT IS NOT IN THE HANDS OF AN INDIVIDUAL AND IT ALWAYS DICTATES THE CULTURE OR LIFE STYLE of an individual or a society!!

Invasion of Internet and subsequently the wonder gadget called mobile phones with internet has revolutionized our social systems, the way we communicate and relationships!!

Every one today has a mobile from 17 years to 90 years. It has internet. Mostly whatsapp or facebook or twitter or such other social networks. This makes communication and search for people and relationships easy.

Teenage or any age when a person feels teenager like, the individual is into a spurt of relationships. There is an urge for talking to people, sharing the emotions, knowledge, feelings or thoughts, life events or issues, seeking solutions, support, help or whatever. Every one has hundreds and thousands of contacts. Communication takes place in written or oral or visual etc may be with emotions.

NO ONE KNOWS HOW MANY PEOPLE ONE IS IN RELATIONSHIP WITH AT ANY TIME. HOW MANY TYPES OF RELATIONSHIPS IS ALSO NOT KNOWN. So, when one starts a contact or acquaintance or relationship it is like plunging into an unknown ocean where the depth, under currents, the world under the water, the people there etc are not known. Especially in the case of teenagers or early adults. So, it is high risk activity every one undertakes these days.

Managing the groups, mails, posts, shares, people, emotions, relationships has become a stressful activity. In fact many feel relieved if they are away from all these for few minutes of days. It has become an addiction and painful pleasure, so no one wants to leave it!

There is a basic need of socialisation as we are social animals and without happy, peaceful and flourishing relationships we can not be physically and mentally healthy. This needs is the Trigger!

There is also an inquisitiveness to know about known and unknown people!...This is the Driver!!

THE FIRST PHASE OF EVERY RELATIONSHIP IS EXCITING!!...WHERE ONE WANTS TO KNOW ABOUT THE OTHER, MEETING IN PERSON, EXCHANGING EMOTIONS AND THEIR INDIVIDUAL NEEDS, LOVE AND AFFECTION OR PHYSICAL INTIMACIES ARE INTERESTING, FULL OF THRILL, ANXIETY, FUN, PLEASURE, HAPPINESS ETC.

NO ONE WANTS TO LOSE A RELATIONSHIP AND THEREFORE THEY TELL LOTS OF LIES, SUPPRESSION OF FACTS, SUGAR COATING OR MODIFICATION OF TRUTHS, FAKE IMAGE CREATION ETC WHICH ARE RELATIONSHIP INHIBITORS.

NO RELATIONSHIP WHICH IS MANIPULATED, CALCULATED, STRATEGIES MADE, PLUSES AND MINUSES WEIGHED, MADE FOR NEEDS AND WANTS CAN REMAIN FOR A LONGER TIME.

In fact there are some people who do not want longer relationships. They want short time relationships for material or short term gains. Once the needs are met they become 'out of coverage area' or 'switched off' or 'i am busy!'. This is an indication that the chapter is closed. Some times they find a reason to block etc.

BUT THE TRUTH IS EVERY RELATIONSHIPS BECOMES A 'CURD RICE' AFTER SOME TIME!...Boring, monotonous, no spice!..nothing new and exciting. The thrill goes off. Day and night talk become once in a while name sake energy-less emotionless 'helo'.

In the case of sexual relationships some stop after one mating. Some go on for some time till they know what each other has or can do and once it loses its spice then the relationships slowly loses communication, intensity, duration and stops.

If they get married it turns out into a boring but committed relationship where the person feels a responsibility in the relationship to care, look after, maintain etc but that domain of obsessional love of deep, strong, bubbling emotions every moment is lost.

The committed relationship also can happen out of marriage if the person feels responsible for the relationship or the person or the present/past dynamics in the relationship between them, after the obsessional love is lost!

Generally only the first phase of excitement is only referred as LOVE. Subsequent painful phases of possessiveness, suspicion, checking out the mobiles-social network accounts etc, finding out faults, applying controls, demands, spying/policing/sniffing, shouting, frustrations, fights etc makes either people leave the relationship or making agreements and continuing for some more time goes on. Most of the loves break here when the lies and suppressed facts come to surface and does not go to the third stage at all.

Everyone has boundaries according to their envelope of comfort. When this is broken the relationship breaks. When the other person is not comfortable with the boundaries and limitations of the other person, then also it breaks.

In many cases the perception of relationships is different by both people e.g girls perceives the boy as 'brother' and boy perceives her as 'lover' i.e with sexual needs.

Every one perceives their missing relationship in life with the other person. e.g a girl misses a father or brother perceives a father/brother in the other person...

MOST OF THE RELATIONSHIPS BREAK WHEN THEIR NEEDS ARE NOT MET OR NEED LEVELS ARE NOT MET OR NEEDS ARE COMPLETELY SATIATED AND NEEDS DO NOT EXIST ANY MORE WITH THAT PERSON.

Many people become psycho when their 'first relationship' breaks. It affects their education, job, family life etc. Some of them become addicts. Some kill themselves. Some move on and get in to further relationships.

So, the crux is....

1. Today, everyone has many people in their lives at any time with different levels of relationships either in fantasies or reality. This has to be accepted. Else no peace and the relationship is sure to break!

2. If both put-in efforts to keep the relationship spicy, if they understand the value of people and relationships in life for their peace, happiness and good health, make the relationship devotional, then it can last a life time!

3. The only way to keep people, relationships, love, peace, happiness, good physical and mental health is to be truthful, non exploitative, innocent like, less needs-wants-expectations-possessiveness and perceive devotional love relationship.

4. Any one who hops, cheats, exploits, manipulates, deserts from a genuine relationship intentionally will 200% land up with mental illnesses, spoiled love/family life, cheated children by others in relationships.

5. Most of the relationships break when one has physical relationship with others.

6. Most of the relationships are for material benefits, pleasures etc so they don't last longer. (but they say it is for happiness!...whereas happiness comes in giving and pleasure comes in taking. If one was giving without expectations then the individual would have derived happiness and not broken the relationship and such a relationship only will last a life time!)

7. Stress, changed life situations, changed interests-needs-wants-expectations etc also breaks or makes relationships.

8. Keeping the life simple, eating non-spicy food, keeping the urges low and making the needs, wants, expectations less through healthy life styles filled with yoga, meditation and following life styles that enhance Emotional Quotient, Spiritual Quotient, keeping ourselves busy etc are some of the methods of not plunging into this unknown ocean full of the above things.

9. Having some goal, passion, art form that can make us self actualize and being focused in that also will help.

10. We have only one life. It is a gift given to us. We don't know when we will die and lose this fantastic opportunity to live on this beautiful earth. It is a wasted life to die without seeing the beauty of this earth. When we say 'I' it refers to our BODY & MIND (logical part)/HEART (emotional part). These are the two best gifts given to us to live this life, enjoy pleasures and happiness. Our body & heart/mind are ours! They are most sacred to us! The most valuable in our life. They are like the Temples where the God called Soul rests. Our entire life, peace, happiness, contentment, fulfillment etc depends on ONLY these two. Nothing and no one can enter our body or mind or heart, spoil these two if we understand the definition of life, meaning of life and guard ourselves. Abusing them will make us to lose them and this golden opportunity to live. They are not garbage bins. But we abuse them to the maximum for material benefits and undue pleasures. So, they give up giving us diseases, ailments and death. If we put in positive thoughts, positive emotions, positive behaviours en-capsuled with love and affection then we can protect them, enjoy the life and enjoy the devotional relationships too!!

Peacefully yours...rams...health psychologist.