|
hai guys! (these days
'guys' is not a gender specific word to indicate boys only...so it includes
all girls also!)
the whole country is again into
a festival mood...to celebrate 'pongal' or 'magara sankaranti' or
'-----'....
so, wish you all happy celebrations
and jingling days!
thanks for all those who forward
my mails to their contacts also (i received my mail back from some one
after it went for a world tour!!...as i was one among the contacts in that
list...can you imagine you getting back your own mail as a forwarded mail?? )
one person also mentioned 'you
just type and send it. For you it is just an info or mail. But you don't
know the effects they create in the mind of the readers!'...it can create
an effect only if people read and think about it for some
time...good!...that means people do not just read and forget, they munch
it!...nice!...it only shows how much we have deviated from the actual,
normal life that we are supposed to live!
of course, any one who meets me
does talk positive about the mails, so looks like there is 'something' in
these mails!
Other day one person said
'understand you make lots of useful mails. Why are you not sending them to
me also?'...i was surprised and when i saw the list his email id was not
there...when i checked up, to my surprise many contacts were not there...so
in the last mail i included many contacts...so many received my last mail
for the first time!
anyway...i don't type anything
different or great...i just type what comes to my mind while looking at the
people around, what they think, how they live, what they do, how they
perceive others and environment...i just stand on ground and observe these
from reality point of view...that is all...which can be done by anyone!
ok...let us come to the crux!!!...an
interesting issue!
what i have typed below is 'in
general'...there are exceptions...so, let us not think about these few
isolated cases of exceptions...
scientists!...we have heard this
word a thousand times in our life. Some of the guys reading the mail are
scientists themselves. Some are married to scientists. Some have their
relatives as scientists. Some work with scientists in close quarters. If
not the above, at least we have read about them. So, we know from edison to
'yethuthha veettu' (opposite house) scientist!
who are they?...moment we hear
this word what image comes to our mind?...'a highly educated person who is focused in
his research'!
in our society every one adores
a scientist...if you ask any parent who has got an alliance from a
scientist they would readily accept it!...even if you ask our girls they
would readily accept to marry...because girls generally look for security
of finances, life, job etc more than the others!
if some girl says no to a
scientist alliance the parents say 'Are you madddd!...he is a
scientist!...he is highly educated and a doctorate (from IISc or IIT or
caltech or stanford or illinois and wuffff...what not!!!). Respectable job.
Secured job. Good salary. No bad habits. Such people may not have many girls
in their life in facebook, twitter etc. A decent guy. Good looking also.
What is less in him?...stupid girl!...vendaamaam vendaam!'...so, all
scientists can feel happy to hear this impression in the society!
If you ask women married to
scientists they will give socially acceptable answer like ‘yes. He is a
scientist and very good. He does not find time for home but that is ok. I
replace him at home for the children (practically one parent home!)’…but
actually they must be thinking…i.e a normal Indian wife with lots of
expectations from the husband…like ‘woff! What a stupidity to marry such a
guy! I feel burning when I think about my parents. They never asked me.
They dumped me with this nutty insane! It is better to live with a daily
wage earner than this guy!!!’
Good!...as we are in to
behaviours of people, let us see the behaviours of scientists…i.e ‘real’
scientists…and those professors who are deep into research at IITs, IISc and
other educational institutions and professional Design and R&D organizations…let
us not consider 'some' scientists who are employed in places like VSSC
(vikram sarabhai space centre), BARC (bhabha atomic research centre, ISRO (Indian
space research organization), DRDO,NAL etc…as they do research but not like
the real scientists with total involvement of mind and body.
The real scientists in general
exhibit following behaviours:-
1. They are introverts…i.e they talk less…or talk
only about their subjects…can not talk ‘much’ about politics or the social
issues or what our people normally talk at home about relationships,
functions, rituals, maintenance of the house, duties and responsibilities
at home, movies, stories, any art form etc.
2. Do not socialize much…their socialization is
limited to talking to their scholars, other scientists in the field and
their bosses. They will talk only about their subject with them. So, they
talk less and work more.
3. They can
remain isolated in their labs for days together. They are not affected when
there is no socialization. So,
they do not mind if they are not able to see the people at home. They don’t
long for these emotional exchanges.
4. They
can
remain without food and sleep for a day or two. They do not mind
missing
food and sleep. They don't miss their wife, children, parents,
friends, relatives etc. Their home is their lab. They derive
entertainment, pleasure, happiness everything in success in their
research. They like resting in their labs. They derive their emotional
support, which is less, from their research scholars or co-researchers.
They do not need entertainment and rest. They don’t have
sensitivity towards day and night. They don’t get bored remaining
isolated
in labs. They have more intellectual needs than physical or
emotional needs. So, only such people will be compatible with them. They
are not interested in watching movies and normal programmes
in television. They don’t read novels. They might read science
fictions to
get ideas.
5.
Their brain
always thinks about their research. There is no room for other issues.
Their research is highest priority and nothing else is important or priority to them, including their wife and children.
6.
They are emotionally
zero or less. Emotional response is also slow. Their physical needs are nil
or less.
7.
Generally
they not in their reality. They do not know where they are or will respond
slowly to such questions. As they dwell in different world, they take some
time to come to mother earth and interact with others. So, they forget most
of the family issues, programmes, birth days, marriage days, other
appointments, functions etc.
8.
They pay
less importance to their outward looks. So, they might have a beard, long
hair, shabby clothes, other visible marks on them which are not normally
found on other people. Their behaviours may not be commensurate with their
education, authority they hold and knowledge.
Well,
this is an idean situation. People may not be exactly like this but
somewhere around this. Even workaholics and those into public life are
like this.
When
you read all these what comes in your mind…a mad person…a psycho case…not a
normal person…an abnormal person…unfit for leading a normal family life of
fun!!!...is it not?...if we find a person in our family with such
behaviours who is not a scientist or professor or highly educated what we
do?...we classify them as ‘some thing wrong’ ‘nuts are lose some where’ ‘ghost
has entered their body’ and take them to temples or psychiatrists. Only
when they have the identity as scientists or professors or researchers they
are spared.
Even
the field of psychology or psychiatry does not declare them as ‘those
needing treatment’. They are considered as normal people.
Ok…now
where is the problem?...the problem comes when a normal Indian girl
whether
born in a metro or suburban or village, marries a ‘real’ scientist
or professor or workaholic or a researcher or one in public life with
normal expectations of a Indian wife…watching movies,
talking about all relatives and the social dynamics between
relatives and
relationships, doing mundane activities at home, producing and
rearing
children, keeping home neat and tidy, house keeping, all house hold
chores
and roles and responsibilities related to these, all emotional
exchanges of
happiness and sorrows, cuddling, kissing, hugging, satisfaction and
happiness in reproductive acts, going to temples, being with the
family
members and spending time with them, talking and doing all romantic
things,
helping wife at home in cooking, cleaning of utensils and home,
sharing the
jobs in feeding the children, washing the clothes, drying, ironing
etc,
visiting the houses of relatives, attending functions, participating
in
festivals, doing all the religious and spiritual rituals, showing
interest
in dressing, singing, drawing or any art form, educating the
children, saving
the money, right investments, house building, running around and
talking to
all people related to electricity, water, taxes in municipal or
metro
corportation…wofff…the list goes on and on.
So,
a normal Indian wife expects her husband to do all these and whereas
a real
scientist is unable to do, as he is not interested in all these and
his personality is like that. So, even
if a girl marries a scientist the feeling of ‘my husband is a great
man. A
great scientist. A world renowned man. Earns a decent money. Has a
decent
job. A decent man without any bad habits’ etc lasts only for a brief
time
and after that her physical, mental, emotional and social needs
which are
not met through her husband puts her down. If her needs are less in
these
areas and she pursues her own job, hobbies and she herself is a
workaholic then it is
fine. But girls are generally emotional whether they are workaholics
or
home makers, and therefore they need lots of emotional support. It
is their
basic need. Some girls gets this from their children or pets or
through fantasies.
Some get through their friends. But when the ‘physical’ needs are
more and
not met, the real problem, frustration, anger etc sets in and makes
her
feel bored in the relationship and life. She starts feeling why did i
marry?...who wanted this marriage!...i was happy before marriage!...who
needed this marriage?...i am just married for society sake!...i don't
really have a husband! i have just some one for the social security...to
meet the financial needs...some one called 'husband' on paper and for
social identity for my children.During the initial days of marriage she
is happy with
the ‘scientist husband’ feeling and does everything for him at
home…the
same girl after some time when she gets bored, expectations of a
husband
and ‘man at home’ not met she starts feeling ‘am i a servant here!’.
Some
girls are not sensitized about the behaviours of scientists before their marriage and there fore
they expect them to behave like normal husbands. So, they verbally demand
and express what is expected out of them. They even compare them with other
husbands, relatives and other scientists and professors. When they find all
their efforts go in vain, fight starts. Frustration sets in. She starts
hating him. Parents and relatives only pacify her saying ‘he is good. You can
not get a better husband than him. So, adjust!’. She does not know what to
do. So, she finds her happiness and peace through her friends, pets, relatives, neighbours and fantasies.
If
you analyse the married life of most of the scientists they are big flops.
Those who married scientists who are into the same subject found their
married life to be somewhat ok e.g marie curie.
So,
the issue is beware before marrying scientists or workaholics. Behaviour
matching is more important than the hype in the mind about scientists, how
successful they are in their professions etc. It is not like they don’t
want to do or they can not do. It is just that they are like that. Nothing
can be done. Most of the people involved in ‘public life’ or totally
involved in their professions like politicians, administrators, policy
makers, scientists, doctors, lawyers, engineers, artists, managers are like
this.
So,
what to do?...you also be involved in your profession, select a job where
you can be creative and get involved totally with body and mind trying out
new things every day or often…so that you remain occupied in body and mind…select
your own people to be around with them with whom you can confidently share
all your problems and emotional issues…have a pet dog at home to share
unconditional love…enjoy your times with the children, friends and
relatives, have your own fantasy world, select your own hobby,
entertainment and rest practices and social networks…have the least expectations from your
husband…be independent…if your husband does not give the freedom to be
independent, in decision making, to be on your own, does not give your
space, then there is a problem…unfortunately guys and their parents accept
all your demands before marriage and act the opposite after that…so be
intelligent.
|
No comments:
Post a Comment