Is it worth fighting, divorcing, "breaking up" in relationships?

hai guys and gals!...how are we?...as you know, the mail may be long, but certainly you will find that you are a changed person after you complete reading the mail!...it has three parts...you can choose and read or read all!

(as you know these are series of mails which are mainly intended to my classmates who are dispersed all over the world, read from people in kitchens to labs to colleges to corporate world, goes now to many friends, contacts and acquaintances too...so, don't mind the language and emoticons!)

you all must be wondering why no mails from me for quite some time now!

we will talk about that later...now let us come to the point!*:) happy

I used to feel that 'IQ, EQ and SQ (spiritual quotient) are vital to reach the top of corporate hierarchy while being healthy and happy'. I came across a Young AVP of a top notch IT firm recently who quietly and calmly proved this!...during the lunch hosted, some one asked 'how much are you paid?'...AVP said which meant 'More than what i need and more for what i do!'...when asked 'how much time you work?', though the AVP replied 'till 8 in the night. Some times till 1 in the mid night', what was meant was 'i don't work, i enjoy and entertain myself doing what ever i do!'...we need to accept and understand that agrarian society where life is all about ONLY 'husband, wife, children, 9 to 5 work, fun and fights at home and with relatives' has gone and it is industrial society now where 'home is replaced with home (i.e office) where people have fun, think, be creative, enjoy emotional support and friendships and relationships and produce the deliverables without their knowledge while being happy, mentally, physically and socially healthy and successful too!'...so, hats off to that AVP!...and let us remove our hats and start putting more IQ, EQ and SQ inside our brains, after all, mind is formed when various parts of the brain interact together with IQ, EQ and SQ!!!

now let us go to the next issue...an interesting fact which we must know to keep the friendships, relationships and marriages intact!

please take a paper...collect your photos...when you were 10 years old....20 years old...30 years old...40 years old...50 years old...60, 70, 80 and so on.

paste them on the paper sideways leaving space for some writing.

Now write your name above all the photos.

Now write what did you do at that age, your likes, dislikes, friends, whom you hated, games you played, art forms you enjoyed, attitudes, value systems, beliefs, what did you do most of the time, your definition of love, friendship, good spouse, relationships  etc...i.e write your personality attributes below each photo!

now you are ready with the object of study.

You have primarily two things in that paper...one is a pictorial image of you. And the other is a personality descriptive of you.

If you look at carefully do you think all 'these people' whom you pasted are same?...by looks or appearance they are different!...by personality attributes they are different!!...then how can you say that they are all same...are they not different people?...for e.g if i have pasted my photos, it is not ramasubramanian who is there in all the photos, in each photo there is a different person!

so, rightly speaking, we have to name each person differently...so, erase all the names on top of the photos now and write some names which you like.

Now you have photos of different people!!!...not just one person, YOU!!!

so, as we grow, as we age, our internal and external body changes, our appearance changes, we look different at different ages, along with all these changes our 'personality' also changes...some thing which we liked earlier, we don't like any further...our interests change...maslow nicely rocks in our brain and changes everything...while the nature changes everything inside and outside the brain and the body, Abraham Maslow lits the fire in the brain!

with this in the background just think is it right to expect your husband or wife to be the same old guy or girl. Saying "He has changed a lot yar!...He is not the same guy whom i loved!', forgetting that you have also changed, is it right?

some divorce their spouse quarreling on few issues, after few years when you think about it you will wonder 'how silly i was!'...'what a nice person he was!'...because what we did not like earlier is no more an issue now. The person whom we 'perceived' not suitable has become now suitable due to changed needs and likes.

so, to keep the love relationship going between lovers and spouses and friends, we need to fall in love or marry or find new friendships in that same person, changed person, actually a new person, again and again...otherwise the the initial triple bond will become double bond, then single bond and no bond after some time.

so, the crux is we all change continuously in our appearance and personality attributes and therefore, it is not worth hating people, straining relationships, losing friends...as HUMAN RESOURCE IS THE ULTIMATE RESOURCE ON EARTH!!!...if you miss a person, you may not get him or her back again, after you change later!...so, like and love all, radiate happiness, good health, be useful to all non parasites...and...and...and...what else?...keep rocking!

we will discuss another issue tomorrow!...now, why i did not send any mail for some time?

It is because i have only been sending mails and no response from any one, and so i was not improving!...no learning value!*:( sad
so, started posting in the blog and, thanks to the 'The Psychology Network' that popped up through the linkedin...i found that place very interesting...as about 36000 professors, scientists, doctors, professionals of HR, Mental health professionals and big host of all those who are involved with 'human behaviours' and 'behaviours of groups' (societies, communities etc) from league univs of US, labs, students etc participate actively on all discussion points...
i have posted five discussion points and all of them are rocking with hundreds of comments from all these people...good discussion...lots of new knowledge...if we want to learn about human beings, we should not dwell in small wells of only tamil nadu or india...we have to open our skull and heart to the whole world and hear what others have to say!!!

the discussion point on 'what is love?' has crossed more than 800 comments...in just about 1 month +...so, you can imagine the number of posts in a day!!!...so, all those who think only a 'boy-girl-sex', moment you hear the word 'love' can visit this place to know the definition of love, and wonder you wasted a good part of life without knowing this!!!
the other discussion points posted by me are:-

1. all behaviours should lead to happiness, good health and success. Which one leads to these?..no marriage, married life, 'living-in', divorcee, 'living-nearby', 'married with multiple divorces' & more.

(many of us choose to live alone without marriage, or get married and live with family (with all the moments of happiness, fights, tears of joy, tears of unhappiness, frustration...wofff, and what not!), or live together without marriage and leave if not compatible or adaptable and live with some one else when we get one, or divorce and live with some one else (with 'your kid and my kid playing with our kids'), or land up divorcing many times and living with many legally, or living nearby and living together only for some hours, days or whenever they wish (they feel living together means adapting for so many house chores and other behaviours etc which they feel is not possible, but they can not live with out each other), or hippie style...or living with the friends of same sex...

we decide to live in a particular way based on our childhood experiences...while we live that way, we might mature or evolve differently and might change our decision and go ahead with another form...might change again as life progresses...

as all of us are from different places and cultures, our experiences on this are different...many researches must have happened and ongoing...so, let us discuss for the betterment of future generations!)

2. What is Love?a relationship between two people? more people?between a person and a thing?any thing that gives us happiness,health & success?sadness too?'anything positive' in life?life line of life?

3. Emotions! Do we need them? Why negative emotions, any use? -ves only cause unhappiness and bad health.No success.Only reality/logic thinking and +ves not enough?Why not groom children with only +ves?

(emotions...right from our first cry on this earth to the last silence before death, we are all the time ruled by emotions...almost every minute we experience them and even varied emotions are requirement of the hour for all of us...a women is required to show all different types of emotions at the same time...many are involved in emotional labour...those who work at the receptions, hostess etc have to handle and show emotions...it is stressful...negative emotions are harmful...are we screwing up ourselves?...why not only positive emotions?...those who get health problems, remain in unhappiness for a long time or often land up to gurus, ashrams etc where they say 'be positive and have positive emotions always to be happy, healthy and successful!'...if that is so why not we groom our children to experience only positive emotions and how to handle negative emotions of others with positives?....let us discuss...)

4. every one believes in some thing or the other! mostly superstitious! is there any one who does not believe in anything that is non scientific? what is this 'belief psychology'? how to remove beliefs?

(every individual has a set of beliefs...it varies from person to person...one i belive in, others may not believe in...every community has a set of beliefs...these beliefs make a person to decide his destiny, day to day decisions, makes his behaviours and so on...some have positive effect...some have negative effect...still he believes...till the time he is convinced about another which is contradictory to the present...beliefs affect the lives of others also...so, they are very strong in our lives...but not scientific!)

5.why we feel happy & encourage something, knowing that it is wrong, not the reality, fake, with ulterior motive etc e.g false praising of politicians, women, employees etc.Impaired cognition? reasons?


why i like discussing these issues?...because it affects all of us and understanding each is important to keep ourselves, happy, physically, mentally and socially healthy and be successful in life!

Also, some of the senior professors in US have said openly that these issues have benefited them and made them to change their perceptions on issues of life!

so, those of you interested may join LinkedIn and join The Psychology Network to join with the rest of the world!

hope you enjoyed and feel a bit changed now!

ok guys and gals...keep rocking!

rams