hai alll...
Our parents in india are too good. Moment a baby girl is born think about its schooling, job, future goals etc, dream a lot and work day and night to select the best school etc. They keep their heart inside the mouth always and run with anxiety. Get up early in the morning, bath the child, feed, arrange auto or van, send to school, sit with the child, teach every day, discuss with neighbours, teachers and doctors if the performance is not ok, feel sad, cry too and spend sleepless nights to get her on the track. Arrange tuitions…hmm…what not we do!
Starting the coaching for IITs or IIMs from early or from 7th…we also get transferred to a place where good education is available, all our planning, family strategies are focused towards the ‘best education for the child’…spend sleepless nights and days from 9th to 12th …send them to professional course paying lakhs and lakhs…
But why when it comes to marriages we ask them or force them or plan strategies to make them compromises and sacrifices in their career or life?
today I attended the graduation ceremony of my daughter, spoke to some of them…of course, I have been talking to them for the past four years…I found most of these girls have been ignited and fired well from childhood to be an achiever, but once they joined the college their parents have all the time been talking about marriage or higher education and marriage or ‘marriage and no job’…the girls ask ‘why parents behave like this?...when I am about to become an achiever they say ‘compromise and sacrifice’ for ‘marriage’…any answers for this?...this makes the girls to plan their strategies!!!!...
a girl who scored amazing marks in tenth and +2, joining engg on merit, winning the gold and best student award, has been made to get married and remain at home by her parents...understand that was the agreement before she came to college between the girl and her parents!
the next point to ponder is....
we are great indian parents...we try to keep everyone happy...but are we happy and healthy?
If the mother or father is not happy...healthy...can he or she keep others in the family happy and healthy?
our sacrificial mothers and fathers forget brushing, sleeping, eating and their entertainment...they, on the name of (emotionally) looking after their children better than other parents, sacrifice many things and remain unhappy or neutral (actually they can bloody well do all that...but they like doing like that...they want to indicate or show that they are paying so much attention to their kids!!!)...their threshold of happiness too low that 'they think they are happy' even when neutral...
the truth is 'no one can make any one happy unless he or she is happy'...the other truth is 'no one makes other one happy, when they are happy the contagious positive disease spreads to others also...that is all'
so, let us first keep ourselves happy!...happiness does not come on its own...saying 'I am here. Come and hug me!'...it is a conscious effort...once the habit of being happy is inculcated from childhood, it remains forever and if it is culture in the family with all the people, then it spreads or flows to people outside also...but is it the state?
in our great culture our happiness is conditional...i.e we say 'I will be happy if I get
good marks...good college...good job...if my mother cooks that...if I am there...or if I have that'....so lots of IFs and BUTs we have....so, our happiness is only conditional and we can not be happy always...it comes once in a while...rarely...as conditions are not fulfilled often...as they are not in our hands...as our thresholds are low we don't think about higher levels of happiness...mostly we perceive 'pleasure' as happiness...great world of perceptions we live in!!!!
we need to know and grow a lot, before we start producing children and not to screw up our children and their future!
Our parents in india are too good. Moment a baby girl is born think about its schooling, job, future goals etc, dream a lot and work day and night to select the best school etc. They keep their heart inside the mouth always and run with anxiety. Get up early in the morning, bath the child, feed, arrange auto or van, send to school, sit with the child, teach every day, discuss with neighbours, teachers and doctors if the performance is not ok, feel sad, cry too and spend sleepless nights to get her on the track. Arrange tuitions…hmm…what not we do!
Starting the coaching for IITs or IIMs from early or from 7th…we also get transferred to a place where good education is available, all our planning, family strategies are focused towards the ‘best education for the child’…spend sleepless nights and days from 9th to 12th …send them to professional course paying lakhs and lakhs…
But why when it comes to marriages we ask them or force them or plan strategies to make them compromises and sacrifices in their career or life?
today I attended the graduation ceremony of my daughter, spoke to some of them…of course, I have been talking to them for the past four years…I found most of these girls have been ignited and fired well from childhood to be an achiever, but once they joined the college their parents have all the time been talking about marriage or higher education and marriage or ‘marriage and no job’…the girls ask ‘why parents behave like this?...when I am about to become an achiever they say ‘compromise and sacrifice’ for ‘marriage’…any answers for this?...this makes the girls to plan their strategies!!!!...
a girl who scored amazing marks in tenth and +2, joining engg on merit, winning the gold and best student award, has been made to get married and remain at home by her parents...understand that was the agreement before she came to college between the girl and her parents!
the next point to ponder is....
we are great indian parents...we try to keep everyone happy...but are we happy and healthy?
If the mother or father is not happy...healthy...can he or she keep others in the family happy and healthy?
our sacrificial mothers and fathers forget brushing, sleeping, eating and their entertainment...they, on the name of (emotionally) looking after their children better than other parents, sacrifice many things and remain unhappy or neutral (actually they can bloody well do all that...but they like doing like that...they want to indicate or show that they are paying so much attention to their kids!!!)...their threshold of happiness too low that 'they think they are happy' even when neutral...
the truth is 'no one can make any one happy unless he or she is happy'...the other truth is 'no one makes other one happy, when they are happy the contagious positive disease spreads to others also...that is all'
so, let us first keep ourselves happy!...happiness does not come on its own...saying 'I am here. Come and hug me!'...it is a conscious effort...once the habit of being happy is inculcated from childhood, it remains forever and if it is culture in the family with all the people, then it spreads or flows to people outside also...but is it the state?
in our great culture our happiness is conditional...i.e we say 'I will be happy if I get
good marks...good college...good job...if my mother cooks that...if I am there...or if I have that'....so lots of IFs and BUTs we have....so, our happiness is only conditional and we can not be happy always...it comes once in a while...rarely...as conditions are not fulfilled often...as they are not in our hands...as our thresholds are low we don't think about higher levels of happiness...mostly we perceive 'pleasure' as happiness...great world of perceptions we live in!!!!
we need to know and grow a lot, before we start producing children and not to screw up our children and their future!
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