hai tigers and tigresses! (of course, cubs too!
)...how are we?
)...how are we?
there are many cases...among the college students, working professionals and even among elderly adults...
either a boy or girl run behind the person of opposite sex...compel them to love...they say all beautiful and romantic words, promises of hope, expressing their love to the other person...some say they will commit suicide and at times endanger their life with suicidal attempts to force the other person to love them and accept them in their life...some also scare or threaten the other person of killing or attacking with acid etc...
such people can do anything to attract, attain and possess the other person...they can do anything to make the other person believe that they love him or her...they do not hesitate to kill a person, do a robbery, enter into any scandal....just...just to attract 'their' lover, convince them or make them believe of their strong love, attain and possess.
Some are confused...they say 'you are my sister!'...some say 'you are like my mother!'...they can not clearly identify what relationship they have...they will promises of commitment and looking after for life time...some may be rich and quote their property and wealth for security...some are in well paid high professions...they quote that...their aim is just to possess.
Such loves can be with or without the need for sex.
Is it love?...mostly the girls or boys think 'wow...he (or she) loves me so much, he is ready to do anything for me!' and they fall in love with him or accept him or her as the life mate...they also give a reason 'it is better to go behind the person loving you rather than going behind a person whom we love!'...the point is "is it love?"...forcing, begging, compelling, threatening a person to love us?
when we talk about this obviously we can not forget the 'guna' character in tamil movie 'guna'...he is obsessed with a girl...he does not know who it is...he names her 'abhirami'...one day he sees a girl...he thinks it is his abhirami...kidnaps her...she happens to be a princess...people search for her...for her money...but he takes her to a hill top and protects her...in his own way...he does anything to save her...he is not bothered about safety of his life...here the addiction is without the need for sex...it is just to possess!
all these are categorized by specialists as psychological disorder...may be less secretion of neuro peptides??...certainly less secretion of neurotransmitters!...if you consult a psychiatrist and clinical psychologist, they will tell you more about such cases...one can not live peacefully with such people...they can not also live safely. So, obviously happiness and health is a question mark, forget about being successful!!
this could be classified as 'addictive love'...
some knowledge from net is here...you can google for more info on this issue...but I am sure after reading this you will say 'ithuvey pothumdaa saameee!'
Love addicts can take on many different behaviors. Love addiction is common; however, most love addicts do not realize they are addicted to love.
Love addiction can be treated with various recovery techniques, most of which are similar to recovery from other addictions such as sex addiction and alcoholism, through group meetings and support groups.] Addictive love is an inclusive term in that it includes "addicts" and "co-addicts", "co-dependents", "emotional anorectics", and "love avoidants".
"love addict" -- 'a person whose needs for more love, more succor, more support grow as rapidly as the frustrated people around her try to fill up what is, in effect, a terrible and unsatisfiable inner emptiness.'[5]
"Spontaneous [romantic] love makes a man free and in the next moment dependent... spontaneous love can become unhappy, can reach the point of despair."
Ideally, love and addiction do not have anything at all to do with one another. They are polar opposites. Nothing could be further removed from genuine love.[
A common process of falling into love addiction begins when a person begins to feel sympathy with another person after going through an initially innocent moment of attraction and automatically idealizes the other to the point of divinity. The individual is then blindly attached to the other person, becoming incapable of making a realistic analysis of the situation; they may project all kinds of illusions onto the other person, believing them to be the only one that can bring happiness. This process can be very quick. There are, however, those who never go past this stage of blind love, and remain 'addicted to people, sucking on them and gobbling them up...parasitism, not love'.
Obsession can be considered the primary symptom of any addiction. In love addiction, the individual's insecurity gives rise to an obsessive attachment to the object of their affection. It typically manifests as an insatiable hunger that distorts the person's perception of reality and often results in various unhealthy behaviors and suffering.
Those at high risk for love addiction include recovering alcoholics/addicts who use relationships as a form of substitution, and/or individuals who grow up in alcoholic/dysfunctional family systems.
Like other addictions (drugs, alcohol, gambling, sex, work etc), the dependency to a person (their object- drug of choice) allows love addicts to feel alive- a sense of purpose- and to gain a sense of meaning and self-worth in the world: they are driven by 'a fantasy hope that the drug of choice - a person - will complete them'.
'Most love addicts start out attempting to meet some known or unknown emotional need, then become dependent on the intoxicating feelings' of being in love itself. Unfortunately, as in the case of drug addicts, "love addicts", too, may become incapable of getting the desired satisfaction, which in turn increases their addiction'.
They often feel a burning, passionate love that gives and gives, destroying their sense of humanity when they lose the person they've given to, sometimes causing them to feel and act out in a vengeful way.
The love addict suffers a lack of bonding as they did in childhood, including an inability to give and receive affection, self-destructive behavior, problems with control, and lack of healthy long term relationships.
Love addicts commonly and repeatedly form an addictive relationship with emotionally unavailable Avoidant partners.
The Avoidant partner is compulsively counter-dependent – they fear being engulfed/drowned/smothered by their love addict partner. Love addicts enter relationships with emotionally closed-off individuals who will let nothing and no one in, which makes intimate relationships impossible.
Behind their emotional walls, hides low self-esteem and feel if they become truly known (display emotional intimacy) - no one would ever love, accept, and value who they are. Avoidants are attracted to people who have difficulty thinking for themselves, having healthy emotional boundaries, or taking care of themselves in healthy manners- the love addict.
Love addicts and Love Avoidants form relationships that inevitably lead to unhealthy patterns of dependency, distance, chaos, and often abuse. Nevertheless, however unsatisfactory the relationship, 'love addicts hang on and on, because it is what they know'.
Familiarity is the central engine of their relationship. Each is attracted to the other specifically because of the familiar traits that the other exhibits, and although painful, come from childhood.
Ambivalent Love Addicts vacillate between love addiction and love avoidance. This can happen in successive relationships or in the same relationship. It is especially common in recovery to become ambivalent about healthy love. It is new and therefore unfamiliar, and to some, frightening.
This cycle encompasses a push-pull dance full of emotional highs and many lows where the one is on the chase (love addict) while the avoidant is on the run. They both engage in counterfeit emotional involvement. Healthy emotional intimacy is replaced with melodrama and negative intensity- ironically creating the illusion of true love, intimacy, and connection - usually on an unconscious level. As a result, their relationships, although seemingly dramatic in their intensity, are actually extremely shallow'.
However interconnected love and sex may be, love addiction and sex addiction are quite different phenomena. A sex addict may have a problem with pornography or repeated anonymous sexual experiences, while the love addict acts out in relationship-by clinging to a partner.
Sex addiction and love addiction are both Intimacy Disorders. Preoccupation with the sexual act or the idealized, fantasy relationship acts as a barrier between the addict and another person.
Love withdrawal
With addiction comes inevitable negative consequences. The consequences of addictive loving are most revealed as the love addict experiences withdrawal symptoms when a relationship ends, or when a relationship is perceived as falling apart. When a break up occurs, an addictive lover longs for the attachment and apparent loving feelings of the lost relationship, as much as a heroin user craves heroin when the drug is no longer available. This longing may result in extreme debilitating pain, obsession, and otherwise avoidable destructive and/or self-destructive behaviors. Depending on the level or extreme of one's love addiction, negative consequences during withdrawal can result in extreme debilitating pain, obsession, and otherwise avoidable destructive and/or self-destructive behaviors including violence (to others or self), in addition to increased feelings of shame, depression, impaired emotional growth, chronic emptiness, loneliness, loss of intimacy and enjoyment in life.
so, the crux is
1. addictive love is not love
2. it is a psychological disorder
3. it has to be treated
4. if you find some one like this don't be in relationship with him or her
5. his or her family members should take necessary steps to treat him or her and not YOU!
6. loving such a person or marrying such a person only will ruin your life!
so, students, take care!...bye...
peacefully yours....
rams
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