Dear all...today i received a call from a college girl...
"sir, i was peacefully going to college, attending classes, doing my studies well and was living a fantastic life!!...once there came a guy from a distant college through facebook, through my friend's contacts...he sent initially nice shares, msges and one day said he loves me!!...
i also felt nice and was floating in skies with great romantic feelings...we spoke, we met, we chat...it was all nice initially but my concentration on studies went low...i reached a stage of getting anxiety struck if he did not call me or did not pick up my calls...the days of not talking were the toughest and saddest days of life...nothing went on, on such days...no classes...
there are many times he has called and said 'hey...sorry yaar...i actually don't love you...so, leave me and live your life!'....i used to feel totally broken and cry a lot...many a times i felt like finishing life also...but in two days time he will again call and say ‘sorry maa…I hurt you…I love you a lot…I can’t live without you…please don’t leave me!’ and cry too…so I used to accept and move on…many times it has happened like this…
But yesterday he called me and said ‘sorry maa…to make you get confused…I am clear now…I am not actually loving you…I feel guilty that I spoiled your life…many a times I came back to you saying I love you because I did not want to hurt you…I did not want to ditch you…I wanted you to be happy…i don't know what made me to tell 'i love you!'...but having said i started feeling guilty of spoiling your life and happiness...so i am continuing with this fake love...i want you to be happy...so be brave and accept the fact…let us separate and break up…or I am ready to marry you to take care of you responsibly and keep you happy…but I don’t love you…I can’t love you…I don’t know why…I will not call you again…bye!!’…
The girl was crying her heart out on phone and said he did not call again after this yesterday’s call..!!!!!
she also said her exams are going on and she is unable to concentrate on her studies…she said she is totally confused and feels screwed up in her life…I just told her something and after that she is reading peacefully and preparing for the exam without any problems…I am sure she will come out and do well in her exams and life…
Ok…the crux to be learnt is…
1. Most of these adolescent loves are due to attraction of the opposite sex. It is Lust. Need for reproduction. If you disagree then why it did not happen before attaining age?...Why it does not happen looking at an old person whose body is crushed, skin crumbled?...why it happens looking at a young, handsome or beautiful, youthful person?
Every system on the body functions. So, the maturing reproductive system also wants to function.
2. Adolescent period is an age of expanding relationships which narrows down during early twenties. So, combination of childhood-adult behaviours. The most troubled phase of life. Transient, unstable period of life. They feel they are stable, correct and strong. But mostly remain confused. Most of them don’t know what happens, give promises, and are unable to take it back when they realise that they have done something wrong, continue with it, and mess up the entire life of theirs and others’.
3. No one knows what lust is and what love is. No one knows how to handle the lust and love. Parents and teachers hesitate and feel shy to talk about these issues. They also don’t know much about it, though they feel they know everything about these!!!
4. Most of the boys do not commit because they are confused, whereas the girls pressurize them to commit, and due to force they commit, fakely, and both suffer throughout their life…in their married life. Many break also.
5. Most of them love for fun, happy moments, physical intimacies, sex, secured feeling, image amongst friends, social acceptance etc…not for marriage or family life etc…some feel guilty later of spoiling a girl or boy’s life and commit mistake over mistake.
6. Some commit and later realise that their parents do not agree and land up in serious troubles. Mostly they leave and go and rarely they go against every one and continue the relationship…some out of love…some out of responsibility…some out of social stigma..like this many reasons...
7. But any relationship that lives beyond ‘needs and expectations’ only will remain throughout life. All others will break some time or the other.
8. Any relationship where one feels anxiety to talk, get calls, to meet, feels miserable etc has BODY (LUST) involved in that relationship. It might involve love or might not.
9. It is wiser to take any firm decisions only during mid twenties after starting working and earning.
10. Even if someone commits or promises or proposes or says sure etc just leave it aside and continue the friendship…that is it…if it is likely to be true love, it will endure till your mid twenties…else will peel off…you will not get hurt…you will get on with your life normally…
11. Once married then also the love can remain only through continuous change, adaptation, give-and-take, understanding etc etc.
12. In this particular case also both felt crush and nice in the physical or virtual company of each other…both committed…but boy is confused…as usual with the boys…but out of guilt he wants to marry her, without love, as responsibility which is foolishness…as married life without the back bone of love will break…only feeling of responsibility cannot keep the two happy and peaceful in their emotional life!!...Is it possible to have emotional life without love in it and out of responsibility feeling??...can the lust alone take the emotional life forward all throughout??...how long lust will lost??...till the beauty and arousal factor goes off??....after that???
13. So, it is certainly a great ‘emotional-learning’ experience for both of them. But with some losses and some gains. Some painful and some pleasant memories. Most of the gains in life have pains attached. So, it is ok. This is how both have to take and move on in life. I am sure both will be careful in life from now on!!
peacefully yours...rams...
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