Dear all…THIS IS FOR STUDENTS…today about 90% of the students fall in love with people of opposite sex during the school or college life…very few (!!!) of them decide to go ahead with marriage, family, producing children, (living or not living with the social dynamics of their own families and relatives) and long, settled life, living together!!!
During the ‘love-honey moon-period’ they don’t think about religious, caste and other differences…as they are in their own fantasy, floating, pleasurable world of their own…only after they are hit by the reality of these differences (and when their parents find out through their friends / teachers) and when they think about their relatives and society which is highly sensitive about these differences then they start scratching their heads…some give up…some withstand…!!
Now how to win these parents?...how to win the relatives?...how to win the society?
Indian culture is ‘dependent’ culture where parents produce kids for supporting the family financially after they grow up for basic living, improving the comforts at home, meeting the academic, economic and wealth ambitions of parents and siblings.
Parents also expect that they should be looked after in all domains…i.e complete total security…by their children.
If parents are assured of this, if they get a feeling that their personal and family interests are looked after, if they feel that they are the highest priority in the life of their children, if they are respected the most above their love and their lover, then about 90% of the war is won!!!....and if the parents of the other side also are rich, same or more in social status, educated etc then the war is 97% won…then what is left is your perseverence to marry only your lover….that is all…!!
Therefore, if you want to win in your love and marry your lover do the following…
1. Focus on your studies. Do well. Be in the toppers list. So, that you get a well paid, growth oriented, respectable, globally famous job. This is what is expected by the teachers, your parents, the parents of your lover and of course, your lover also.
2. Join the job. Do well. Be a ‘blue-eyed’ boy of your bosses, peers and subordinates. In general be a person who is liked by all.
3. Earn good money and give to your parents, increase their dream comforts at home, contribute to the education of your siblings, and vocally tell your parents that THEY ARE YOUR HIGHEST PRIORITY, THEIR HEALTH, SOCIAL STATUS, PRIDE AMONG THE RELATIVES AND IN SOCIETY ETC ARE YOUR HIGHEST PRIORITY AND YOU CAN NOT COMPROMISE ON THESE AT ANY COST. TELL AND SHOW THEM THROUGH YOUR BEHAVIOURS THAT YOU ARE A RESPONSIBLE KID OF THE FAMILY AND YOU WILL LOOK AFTER THEM TILL THE END OF THEIR LIFE. BUY THE SMALL SILLY THINGS WHICH THEY LIKE A LOT, THE MOST, TAKE THEM FOR OUTINGS, MAKE THEM FEEL EMOTIONAL WITH YOU. MAKE THEM DEPENDENT ON YOU.
4. Don’t spill the money on all and every where. SPEND MONEY FOR FULFILLING THE LONG OUTSTANDING AND UNACHIEVABLE DREAMS OF YOUR PARENTS, GRAND PARENTS AND SIBLINGS. E.G GOLD, ORNAMENTS, KITCHEN WARE, HOME APPLIANCES ETC FOR MOTHER. VEHICLES, WRIST WATCHES, DRESSES ETC FOR FATHER. DONATION FOR DREAM COURSES OF SIBLINGS, COSTLY Iphone, vehicles for siblings. RECONSTRUCTING, REMODELLING, REFURBISHING OF HOME FOR INCREASED AMBIENCE, COMFORTS, SOCIAL STATUS ETC WILL BE LIKED BY ALL. GIVE GOOD HUGS AND KISSES TO THE GRAND PARENTS AND PRESENT THEM WITH GOOD DRESSES AND TOYS (GADGETS ETC) WHICH THESE OLD BABIES LIKE.
5. ONCE THE ABOVE FAMILY SOCIAL SETTING IS ACHIEVED SLOWLY AND INDIRECTLY MAKE THEM KNOW THAT YOU ARE IN LOVE WITH A GIRL /BOY AND YOU WILL MARRY ONLY THAT PERSON AND NO ONE ELSE. IT COULD BE THROUGH ONE OF THOSE MANY METHODS YOU HAVE LEARNT FROM MOVIES, TV SERIALS ETC. SHOCKS ARE NOT TO BE GIVEN SUDDENLY. Pulse inputs always destabilise the system!!...THEY ARE TO BE FELT, HEARD, SEEN IN A SLOW, INDIRECT AND STEADY MANNER, so that this shock is digestable by the parents.
6. LOOK AFTER THE INTERESTS OF THE GRANDPARENTS ALSO AS THEY HAVE A BIG VOICE AND AUTHORITY TO MAKE YOUR PARENTS ACCEPT YOUR LOVE PROPOSAL. SO, MAKE THEM DRENCHED IN YOUR LOVE AND AFFECTION THROUGH PHYSICAL, EMOTIONAL AND NEED FULFILLMENT.
7. If all these are done then you have set a climate at home wherein your siblings, parents and grand parents etc will support you, listen to you (this is very very important!!) and most probably they will themselves move the remaining things forward. If not, then you need to be strong on your decision. Tell every one at home loud and clear that and make them know and realise that YOU WILL NOT MARRY ANY ONE, AND MARRY ONLY YOUR LOVER WITH THE CONSENT OF YOUR PARENTS ONLY, WHENEVER IT HAPPENS.
8. Never fight, never hate, never get angry, be cool, be pleasant. But be firm in your decision. Love all of them. Never reduce your love in words and deeds. Only increase your love and affection. Love is the only the strongest and deadly positive weapon on this earth. Even wild animals are tamed with love. So, your parents, grandparents, relatives etc are nothing!!!
9. Remember, in a relationship between two, one will not listen to the other if their NEEDS AND EXPECTATIONS ARE NOT MET. So, if you are irresponsible in studies, not getting a job, always interested in love, lover and outings, not being a good, responsible son or daughter or brother or sister at home to your parents, siblings and grandparents, then you can never win in your love in a positive manner.
10. ‘Kaathalukku mariyaathai’ tamil movie is a good example.
11. If all the above positive conditions are met then religion, caste, language differences can be crossed over with the support of every one…otherwise no one will support you!!...and it is always wiser to win in love with the support of every one, which is not so difficult, it is the question of being a good boy or girl…that is all.
12. Being firm and strategic is very important to endure the long years of study, getting a job, earning decent money to do all that said above. There are so many methods of postponing marriage when the parents talk about it…like higher studies, getting a job, getting over the initial troublesome periods at job etc. I am sure you are no less in planning strategies compared to your ‘tv-serial’ savvy, strategic parents who are born and brought up in the crooked culture and society of ours.
13. If these things are done then there is no need to fear that you will fail in your love. You are sure to win!!!!!
peacefully yours...rams...health psychologist...
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