dear all…this post is for ALL LOVERS AND SPOUSES…AN IMPORTANT POST...WHICH CAN CLEAR ONE MOST IMPORTANT DOUBT THEY HAVE ABOUT THEIR LOVER OR SPOUSE...
the common problem which all lovers and spouses, especially girls, report is that their partner does not show INTENSE FEELINGS in their thinking, emotions and behaviours towards them and the relationship…
so, this gives a suspicion to them whether their lover or spouse really loves them or not?…if yes, then how much of love they have towards them?…love can not be measured…so, they atleast want to know how much of priority they attach to them and the relationship between them?…
This puts them in anxiety, tension, fear etc. The suspicion affects their life in all dimensions at home, office and in society. They undergo all types of negative emotions and feel drained, lonely etc.
SO, WHETHER THE GUY OR GIRL LOVES THEM OR NOT, IF YES, HOW MUCH OF PRIORITY THEY GIVE FOR THEM?...
this is the common and most important issue that is bothering most of t he lovers and spouses.
It is easy to say never measure and think about these things and just live, but the brain keeps doing this…may be this can be due to feeling of insecurity or weak mind or improper neurotransmitter secretions etc…could be any reason and many reasons!!!....several things can be written as the causes and effects of this…but the aim of this post is to discuss about one aspect of this issue…
We have a body and mind. Both have needs. To satisfy these needs we make some expectations from others. The correct thing is we should be able to satisfy all these needs by ourselves or at least the dependence on others should be reduced as much as possible…NIL is the ideal state!!
The needs related to body can be called as lust and produce craving, which is never ending and life long, so never we can feel contentment and peace. Generally these needs with expectations from others PRODUCE INTENSE FEELINGS.
The needs related to the mind (only) can be called in generic terms as love and it only produces longing. It generally DOES NOT PRODUCE INTENSE FEELINGS.
So, if the lover or spouse has less or no body need satiation through you, then he may not experience intense feelings towards you and in the relationship. This can be considered as good or bad depending upon your needs from him/her.
If you are constantly measuring, evaluating and anxiety struck, it shows that you have some needs satiation and expectations related to your body through him/her.
If you can reduce the needs through life style/behaviour modificiations or manage the needs by yourself then you can come out of this rut, keep your life peaceful and the relationship good.
In general if the other person has less needs and expectations from you, especially the lust needs of the body, and still loves you, then it is the best form of love. But if you have body or lust needs from him/her or feel emotionally insecure in life and feel that your emotional security needs can be met only through him/her, then you may not acknowledge this fact, you will be frustrated, demanding, controlling, shouting, sad etc.
Even if he has body needs but empathetically appreciates the issue and understands that the satiation can not take place through you and reduces or moderates his/her needs and manages through internal body and mind resources and still loves you, then I think, it is the best form of love.
If you evaluate him/her as not loving or less loving using your wrong tool of measurement then it is your mistake.
Looking for ‘intense feelings’ is due to your body needs and not due to his lack of love.
So, the crux is…
1. Body needs produce cravings and intense feelings
2. Mind needs generally do not produce intense feelings
3. If both body and mind needs are present then intense feelings will be there
4. If both have body needs and cravings, then both are likely to experience intense feelings, and if the oppurtunity for satiation exists then some solace canbe there. But as it has the craving property, the pleasures and calmness sensed is only momentary and short lived. If the oppurtunity of satiation does not exist then reducing the urges through life style changes and behaviour modification is the only solution. Fantasies can help to get on with the living the day to day life, but can not solve the problem in life, till the aging process or diseases automatically reduces the body needs and intense feelings.
5. Looking for ‘intense feelings’ is due to your body needs and not due to his lack of love.
6. Loving some one beyond the body and mind needs is the best form of love. So, if the person does not have intense feelings, and still loves you, then it is best form of love.
7. If a person does not have intense feelings, body needs, towards you, but has these feelings towards some one else, but still loves you a lot without any needs or expectations from you, then also it is the best form of love. So, throw away your wrong tool!!
peacefully yours...rams...health psychologist...
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