Dear all...THIS IS FOR ALL PARENTS AND CHILDREN...
Indian parents want their children to be in assured and secured jobs that will fetch them their living!..So, they put them in courses that can get them some job in their place of living or in that state, get married and live their family life.
But some children are capable of much more than this basic minimum which their parents expect them to do. Because their parents have given birth to Edisons, Modis, Kalams, Bill Gates but due to fear, apprehensions and lack of exposure or risk taking ability want their children to go in the traditional way of safe and secure jobs!!
But most of those who have achieved big things in life have constantly taken calculated risks, continuously expanding their comfort zones, did not like monotonous dull jobs, worked either against the liking of their parents or parents supported them whole heartedly or half heartedly...
All achievers have a story tell about how they worked against their parents' wish or how their parents supported their bold decisions in life at various times and stages!!
In some cases the parents have analysed the child scientifically, understood the matching profession for their children, guided and mentored them in the right way matching to their abilities, personality attributes, life style etc, not bothering about the relatives, friends, society etc .....got them married off accordingly matching to their temperaments and job requirements...are living peacefully with their children or away from children giving way to their advancement, peace and happiness!!
Today no pension in government jobs. But still parents advice/suggest/force children to take up government jobs due to the job security. Some of the parents want more salary and less job. Many parents prefer less salary or no advancement in profession but staying with them in their house with family. Many rural parents are like this and those in cities with rural thinking also are like this"
But the reality or truth or fact is...every job requires...
1. Knowledge to do that job
2. Skill to do that job with required competency level
3. Personality attributes or traits required to do that job with the people around
4. Every job has a particular way of life and living
5. Some jobs mandate a requirement to live in a particular place
6. Interest and liking to do that job
2. Skill to do that job with required competency level
3. Personality attributes or traits required to do that job with the people around
4. Every job has a particular way of life and living
5. Some jobs mandate a requirement to live in a particular place
6. Interest and liking to do that job
Every human being by birth and default also has knowledge, skill, personality attributes, competency levels, personality attributes, liking for way of living and definition of life, liking to work and live in a place or to move to various places in the country or world to work, learn and enjoy, interest or liking to do a particular type of job.
When the above of an 'individual' and 'profession' match, then nothing like it. Of course, the life mate also has to be of similar nature so that the family married life also matches with the professional demands and expectations of the self.
Some of the above keep changing (e.g interests) and some of them remain constant. Some of them can be changed by conscious efforts to an extent and some of them can not be changed. All these come inside us by birth and the developmental and learning process as we grow.
Some people by birth and nature can not accept nonsense happening in the society and so pick up fights, gather people and do hartal etc...whereas the parents might like him to do some engineering, work and earn. For his nature Lawyer profession can match but the parents may not like that profession, socialization involved in that profession, life of lawyers etc.
Some like adventure, doing new things every day, travelling, challenges in job, don't like dull moments, want such like minded people around in their work environment. Whereas security conscious parents might force to join a government job which may not suit them.
Some children are able to adapt to an extent and are able to complete such un-liked courses, take up such professions which they don't like, marry a person whom they don't like...all these for the sake of parents...sacrifice their life, dreams, passion, goals etc and live a usual life.
Some fail in courses (parents lose lakhs!), leave the jobs after some time (parents, wife and children on roads!), break marriages (lose of money and peace for parents!) and become psychos.
Some finish the course some how after many arrears etc to satisfy the parents and thereafter take up professions of their like (e.g do engineering and join finance or acting...do B.Com and take up music or dance as profession....either immediately or after few years!)...parents feel upset during initial years and finally accept or not accept when they live their life with all its pluses and minuses (in the perception of parents).
Some marry the person who can not live at their place of work and living, whose work and life, beliefs, ethics do not match with the way of living and life required for their work....finally either quit the job...or quit the marriage....or fight and live separately under mutual acceptance or not...all these for the sake of parents!!
About 95% of the parents are in at least one of the above situations in their life.
13 to 30 is an age of adventure and risk taking phase of life. They are brave, adrenal junkies, want challenges and ready to meet the unknowns. Whereas parents are old, scared, and adrenals all dried up!!
Counselling can help. But who ever is right will win after the counselling...some times the parents and some times the children...but both can leave the clinic happily...a counselor can make this happen!!...
What is required is open, heart out communication, discussion with out ego, understanding each other's apprehensions, knowledge, definition of life style, likes and dislikes, goals, passion, aims, strengths, weaknesses, oppurtunities and threat perceptions...if not in one sitting, by doing it in many sittings...agreeing and accepting each others view points to finally strengthen and support each other in the way they have mutually agreed and accepted at the end...else whatever the parents fear is sure to happen!!
Peacefully yours...rams...Psychologist!!
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