Dear all...THIS IS FOR ALL PARENTS...the complaint of most of the parents is "These days children do not listen to their parents! During our times our parents were terrors and we were scared to tell anything to them!". At every house parents keep shouting and children keep giving them back. End result is what parents wanted to achieve is not achieved!...Both of them fight to the core, abuse each other, lose peace and happiness. The harmony is lost at home!!
Parents use only the traditional method of showing their frustration and anger by shouting to correct children. I.e negative method of motivation!!...This might yield or might not yield positive results...but a bad taste, a bad memory, hate is certainly created in the minds of the children about parents and their parenting methods.
Taking the rod, shouting, controlling, monitoring, sniffing, policing is not right parenting. We are only wasting our precious life in doing all these. How long we can do this? when they leave home we can't monitor!!
Positive methods through love and affection is the right method. What Gandhiji followed is a right method. The children should feel 'How nice my parents are!...Hmmm...I have hurt them through my behaviours and habits. I should not repeat those behaviours. I should not make them sad!..This thinking should be the result of whatever method the parents use to correct the children.
But unfortunately parents never sit and think 'Why my correcting methods have not worked out?...Why they have not yielded the desired results?...How can i correct and improve myself?...How can i make them understand me, my anguish, my selfless expectations?...how to make the children to hear me patiently, how to make them change?...How i can do these in a positive manner without fights, frustration and anger?
They think they are right, they are following what their parents have followed, what others are following...without realizing that they all yielded only positive or negative results, but with memories of bad-taste which affects the personality of children, their growth, adaptability and their relationship with their parents at a later stage.
1. Spare the rod, spoil the child...is a wrong one. You might or might not create a disciplined child. But it certainly affects the relationship between the parents and children. There are many positive methods of achieving this. Negative motivational methods like achieving through inducing fear, exercising social authority of a parent etc are wrong!...The children might listen during childhood, but might leave the parents high and dry after they become financially and socially independent.
Such parents might face loneliness and crib in old age homes to their neighbours as to how lovingly(!!) they grew up their children etc. WRONG PARENTING, WRONG BELIEFS ABOUT THE SOCIAL RELATIONSHIPS ARE THE REASONS FOR INCREASING NUMBER OF OLD AGE HOMES AND CHILDREN LEAVING THEIR PARENTS IN OLD AGE HOMES.
Children accept tortures of parents when they are weak and dependent, but certainly not when they become adult, strong and independent!!...
Right method of showing love and affection in a manner that does not spoil them, but makes them confident, physically and mentally strong, capable of taking their own decisions in life, self-responsible, do not need monitoring and sniffing, become good human beings, can live and adapt to any environment of food, climate, culture, language and people is the positive parenting method.
2. Creating self responsible children, positively motivated children from childhood is the right way. They should be trained and made capable of taking decisions in life, capable of making their choices, capable of being responsible for their decisions...this is the right method of parenting.
3. Creating a social environment in which the child feels, 'My parents are my best friends, ultimate lovers and soulmates. They have grown me with only LOVE. Yes, they have punished me when i committed mistakes, but in a way that i feel guilty of hurting them and not to make such mistakes again and not to make them feel sad and hurt. They have trained me to take decisions. They have given me full freedom to decide my life and live. I can talk to them anything under the sky without any inhibitions, hesitation, shyness and reluctance. They don't direct me, force me and give solutions. They help me to take the solutions!!
I have learnt all the health enhancing behaviours, thinking and feelings by observing their life style. I have learnt to be a good human being, to pitch my life beyond all religions, beliefs, divisive cultural factors.
They have given me a chance to go all over the country and world, experience all sorts of challenges in life, to learn about life, to learn the value of people, to learn the value of relationships, to learn the value of human beings, to learn the value of money, to learn the value of knowledge and wisdom, to learn the meaning and value of love, to learn the method of giving and teaching unconditional and divine love, to learn the value of this body, to learn the value and power of the mind, to learn the meaning and value of the sixth sense, how to be a good positive leader, how to be a good positive manager, how to be a role-model for others etc.
They have taught me how to make the wealth, money, fame, authority, power through knowledge, strong human values, morals and ethics and positive methods of empowering others. They have taught me how to live peacefully, happily, healthily, successfully without hurting others, but changing others to attain these through positive methods.
So, let us learn the positive methods of parenting and come out of the negative-motivational methods of parenting of the past!
Let us bring peace and harmony inside homes!
Peacefully yours...Rams...Psychologist!!
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